Tim Humble – The Muslim Family #40 – Be Just to Your Children

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Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi edge main Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu. Welcome to
another installment from the series on the Muslim family. After a really large number of episodes, a
big chunk talking about tarbiyah education and Islamic education and as well as education in terms
of the worldly sciences, we now come to talk about some other rights of the children and obligations
of the parents. And if you remember, our discussion on therapy actually started as one of the rights
of the children over the parents and and it sort of branched off into a number of different aspects.
		

			So now we bring in our discussion back to the rights of the children and the obligations that the
parents have towards their children. And for our first Hadith we're going to look at a hadith of Sal
even said, Ravi Allahu, and and not all lice Allah love it was cinema or to be shot Ivan for Shetty
Bowman Wang Yemeni Hola, Manya Sadie, he Alessia
		

			certainly been set the alarm and he narrates the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was
brought a drink, and he drank from it. On his right hand side was a boy, a young boy. And on his
left hand side were Alessia, the older people, there are people of maturity in the gathering. And of
course, you can imagine if the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam drank from a glass or from a
vessel that everybody would wish to drink from it, in order to gain the Baraka that Allah subhanaw
taala has put within the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and that is something permissible the
Sahaba used to do in the prophets eyes and didn't used to prevent them from seeking the balaka from
		

			the things the Prophet size them had, had used and had drank from and had touched his clothing and
so on and so forth. So here, who is in the position to receive that, that drink that the
profitsystem had drank from? Who was in that position? on his right hand side is a young boy. And on
his left hand side are all the mature the adults, the senior people in the gathering for color ulam
he said to the young boy attack, then only an Oracle Yeah, how do you give me permission to give to
these people? So look at how the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam sought permission from this
young boy and asked him Do I Do you give me permission and then lead you give me permission to give
		

			to these people? And that shows that the right of the child it has to be given importance, and the
children should be given their rights even if it means that the older people they have to come
second if that child is in a position or is in a situation where they deserve a certain rate. I tell
them what do you give me permission to give to these people? for Kyle Hola, como la jolla Rasul
Allah, La or theodorou phenol Cb minca, a Haida. He said by Allah or messenger of Allah, I will not
allow anyone else to take my share of what is from you.
		

			Paul patella, who Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam afiya de so the Messenger of Allah cisilion
took it and put it in his hand.
		

			So hon Allah, this is an amazing Hadith about the rights of the children
		

			on the left hand side of the Prophet size, and in our the gatherings of the senior, the senior
people are gathered, the people who perhaps among them among the senior Sahaba of the alarm, I know
and those highest in virtue are because that child was on his right hand side. Because as soon as
the pastor the right hand side, the profitsystem asked him Would it be okay? Is it alright if I give
it to those people? Because we know the Prophet size and he said cable cable, give it to the older
one give it to the older one. And yet because this young boy was on his right hand side, the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said to him, Do you give me permission to give it to them? He said, by
		

			all mislead by a lot of messenger of Allah. And look at the etiquette of the way the boy replies
very, very, very well managed, he says, By Allah or messenger of Allah, La author and an ethos is to
give someone what is you
		

			All right, and you deserve it to give it up for someone else. He said, I will not give up my right
my portion of my rights from you to anybody. So the Prophet size and gave it and put it in his hand.
So Subhanallah here we have so many benefits in this hadith as it relates to the rights of our
children. And among the benefits we can take from this hadith as it relates to the right of our
children is that the children's rights are to be given to them, even if that is at the expense of an
adult or someone else who you might wish to give preference to. But the fact that Islam gives the
child that right, the right is to be given to them, and the importance of the rights of the
		

			children, and how seriously the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam took it and took them and how
the prophets I said ask permission. And from this we can take that if we do infringe upon the rights
of our children in some way we are we we wish to give preference to someone else that we ask
permission from them, and if they don't give permission, then we fulfill their rights to them for
our equal love you happy haka. Give everyone who has a right over you. There right. Our next Heidi
and Abby who ryotaro do love wine, and UK ragna hobbies in robiola one Apsara Nabi sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam ucop bill has an akula even have his he saw the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
		

			kissing for color in nearly ashati Meanwhile, Eddie ma bell to wahida Minho, Takata Rasulullah
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, in the home and layer him like
		

			he said, I have 10 children, and I have never kissed any of them.
		

			The Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Whoever doesn't show mercy will not be
shown mercy. And in this Hadith, we can see the right of our children for us to show them affection.
		

			To show them affection, show them that we love them. The Prophet sighs and kiss still has a perhaps
on the forehead, or something like that. When you take your you know, your small child, you kiss
them on the forehead or you kiss them on the cheek. You see, this is from the means that you show
your affection and your love and your care for your children. And this is a right of the child. The
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam responded to him when when, right when he said that I have 10
children, and I never kissed any of them. He was surprised at the action of the Prophet. So I said,
he saw perhaps this wasn't perhaps what the man or the father figure would do. He was surprised to
		

			see the Prophet sighs and kiss, Allah hasn't. So he said, I have 10 children. And I've never kissed
any one of them, and the Prophet size and replied to him with a general principle, in a human layer
him or her, whoever doesn't show mercy will not be shown mercy. And this also tells us that from the
rights of our children is that we show them mercy, we're merciful towards them. And as we said, we
show them our love and our affection. And we don't rely on the fact that they should know that. Or
they should just appreciate that, that you know, we're their parents, and they should know that we
love them and we care about them. But we should show our affection and we shouldn't feel that that
		

			especially for the fathers, because many times the mother is happy to show her affection for our
children. But sometimes it's a father figure maybe he feels like and even until today in some
cultures among the Muslims this culture is that the father figure doesn't show that affection and
that love and that care to the children. But this is not from the Sunnah of the Prophet sighs and
the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to show affection and care and consideration to his
children to his grandchildren. And he said that as an example, men lay out lay or whoever doesn't
show mercy will not be shown mercy. Our next Hadeeth and in romantic niboshi earlier loveline Homer
		

			Paul tasa de la Abby bow the Murli for Carlat meet ammirato been to our lovely Allahu
		

			la Alba had to shahida Rasul Allah his solo lover and he was sick. And normally when Bashir Ravi
Allahu anhu met me I love you Please with him and his father. He said, my father gave me some of his
wealth,
		

			gave it as a charity to me a gift to give me some of his wealth. So my mother who was amre bent our
her, may Allah be pleased with her. She said, I will not be content until you go and take the
witness of the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam you go and you have the Messenger of
Allah say some witness that you're giving this to and Norma he said, Robin
		

			Have an enormous pressure on the old man he said from Tyler Abbey era Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam Yoshida who Allah sada hottie. He said that my father, he went to the Prophet sighs alum to
ask him to be a witness to the sada his gift that he had given him for court Allah who Rasulullah
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said to him, if I
alter her, that'd be well a deca coolie him cornella. He said, Did you do this for all of your
children? Did you give them all the same? He said, No. The prophets lie Selim said they'll call it
tabula, where adeolu feola decom. He said, Fear Allah have Taqwa of Allah, and be just to your
		

			children. For Raja Abbey, Florida. tilaka sada. So my father, he came back and he took back this
sadaqa he changed his mind about this sadhaka he had given to him in an aeration it's mentioned that
the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam said Fallout two she didn't he he then for inilah ash head,
Allah joke, he said, Don't make me a witness, then if you haven't given this to other children,
don't make me a witness, then, because I will not testify to oppression. I will not testify to
oppression
		

			and in another narration is mentioned that the Prophet sighs alum said the ash hid Allah had the
hiree thermopile is so Roca and near kuno la castleberry Sauer Karla Bella, Carla Fela even.
		

			He said in another narration, the prophet size and said, Tell someone else to be a witness. And in
another narration, he said, Would you be content? Or do you wish? Would it make you happy for all of
those children to be the same in their righteousness towards you? Would it would you be happy for
all those children to be the same in the righteousness towards you? He said, certainly I would love
for them to be not all of them better, I would wish for all of them to be righteous, good towards me
as a child, the prophets I some said fell out even in that case, don't give one of them more than
you give the other one. And these are Hades are in Bukhari, and Muslim in Sahih, hain various
		

			different wordings of the Hadith. So this hadith is a fundamental principle as it relates to our
children and their rights. And that is the right of justice and fairness between the children. And
here, it relates to the giving of gifts, and that is that it is obligatory upon a Muslim, and it's
an obligation upon every parent to be fair, and just in the gifts that they give to their children.
Now we have to understand that there is a difference between an Heba or an ADA giving a gift idea.
And there is a gift, a difference between a limb and in fact, is where you spend the obligatory
spending upon your children, like you buy them clothes, and so on. Or you provide the accommodation
		

			and food for them. So they don't have to be equal in this. But you have to give each one What is the
need and what is fair. So for example, you have, let's say, a teenage boy, and you have a small baby
boy, let's see, as an example, no doubt, a teenage boy is not going to eat the same amount of food
that the baby boy is going to eat, the two of them are going to be different. So it's not the case
that if you spent, let's say, $20 in a week, or $50 in a week, and you spent that upon the food for
your older son, you had to spend the same upon the food for your for the baby son, because the two
is not going to be are not going to be the same. Likewise, clothing. It also it could be the other
		

			way around. It could be that the older child, when it comes to clothing, he's not growing so
quickly. So he's keeping his clothing for longer. But the younger child is growing so quickly that
you're buying new clothing for them all the time. What's required is that you do what you can for
each one, according to what they need. This is in fact, this is spending upon them. And that's the
obligation of the parent to spend upon their child, like the obligation of the husband to spend upon
his wife that we've already spoken about. But when it comes to giving a gift, which is additional to
the basic needs that the Father has to provide for his children, like the the clothing, and the
		

			food, and the shelter, and so on, what additional to that and it comes to the matters of giving them
gifts, then the gifts that he gives, he has to be fair in them. And the scholars they differed over
what it means to be fair in this issue
		

			and they differ in according to some different opinions.
		

			Within the different mother hip, a different mother hip, and they differ on a particular issue. In
all honesty, there was one particular thing that was their contention. And that is the difference
between the boys and the girls in giving the gifts. So we know when it comes to inheritance,
		

			we know when it comes to when it comes to inheritance, that in inheritance live there carry me
through how they own thing, allies, which I said, you'll see from a law Viola decom, live there
carry myths do have their own thing, Allah gives you instruction with regard to your children, or a
lot takes a covenant from you with regard to your children, for the male is twice that of the
female, from the wisdom of this is that the male child generally has to make, in fact usually has to
spend upon others. As for the female child, then she usually doesn't have to spend upon anyone, it's
very rare that she has any obligation to spend upon someone in most cases. So usually, the majority
		

			of that money will be for her alone, whereas for the male child is more likely he will spend upon
other people will have to spend upon other people. So here the scholars differed over the money that
is given as a gift to your children.
		

			Is it taught to be equal? And that's what would be indicated from the Heidi through an amount of
machine that is totally equal. Because here Did you give this to all of your children? And he didn't
say did you give double to the boys and and then Did you or did you give one portion to the girls
and two portion to the boys? he simply said, Danica B while Erica Cooley him, did you do that for
all of your children? So here There isn't a clear distinction between the boys and the girls, or the
College Hall. This is the code of the majority of the earlimart they said the boys and the girls in
this are equal. So everyone gets an equal amount. And as for the metaphor of Le mt armet Rahim Allah
		

			with Allah This is that we should follow the distribution of the inheritance live Zachary mithril
How will on paying for the boy twice that of what is for the girl. And the reason they said that is
they said no one is more just than Allah. And Allah is the agenda distributed the wealth of that
parent live there Kelly mythical have their own saying that the boy gets twice that of what the girl
gets. And giving a gift is only in your life is only a precursor. It's something that comes prior to
the distribution of the wealth after death. So it doesn't make sense that during a person's life he
gives to all of the children equally, but as soon as he dies, that came to have the unveiling, the
		

			boys get twice that of what the girls get. So that is the metabolic map. And the john hoard the
majority from the Maliki Russia, ferry and others they said that it is equal, it is equal in this
regard to the boys and the girls in terms of gifts should be equal. And Allah azza wa jal knows best
from the rights of our children, is the right for us to defend them against those who would wish
harm for them, or to defend their rights and to look look out for them to be there for them and to
kind of look out for them. From the evidences for this is a hadith a hadith of Mishaal Rama, that
the messenger he heard the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Allen remember
		

			he said Benny he Sham
		

			have sought my permission
		

			to match for them to marry their daughter to Ali been Abby phylip fella and I do not give them
permission for this summer Allah, then Allah and I do not give them permission for this sumela alone
and I will not give them permission I do not give them permission for this Illa in your head bednet
Abby Libin annual magneti Wang ke ha Magneto he said unless it is the case, that Ebon Evie pilot
Holly and every pilot pro the long line wants to divorce my daughter and marry their daughter for in
magneti biloba itune Mini for my daughter is just a part of me.
		

			Yuri Bani murabaha while you Dini ma?
		

			He said that whatever causes her discomfort causes me discomfort, whatever causes her harm, causes
me harm. So in this hadith we see how the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam defended Fatima and her
interests rather loveable and how about her
		

			And this and that was that they sort of marriage for a living avatar lip, there was some people who
sort of marriage for element Abbey ta lib with the daughter of Abu Jen.
		

			And here the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he didn't give permission for that, because he
knew that Fatima would, would suffer from it. And in other words, that what happens between the CO
wives and words would pass between them. And even though this marriage was not harmful, even every
time, but the Prophet sighs and knew it would hurt him. And he knew it wasn't the issue of early
marrying again, that was the problem as some people put forward, but it was the fact that he would
be married to a family who had within them those were enemies to the messenger of a loss of a loved
one it was send them and that could come back to hurt Fatima and it could come back to be used
		

			against faulty model the loved one and look at what the prophets said Fatima is a part of me. Fatima
is a part of me, if something makes her anxious, it makes me anxious. If something harms her or
harms me, the way he defended his daughter sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, what are the allowable under
her and this is a write our children have a right our children have. And not everyone can get
involved in the same way Because ultimately, this is the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. And we
have to observe the proper Islamic rules of what we can and can't get involved in with regard to our
children. But at the same time, we the concept of defending our children, and one of them gets
		

			bullied at school or one of them goes through a hard time or someone hurts them or harms them. And
they feel that their parents won't stand up for them, or their parents won't be there for them. Like
this parent is not fulfilling the right of their child, the right of the child is that you stand up
for them. And you're there for them. Like Fatima knew that her father Salatu was Salam who la would
be there for her and would stand up for her. That's the kind of feeling our children should have for
towards their parents that we will defend them and we will look after them. And that doesn't mean
defending them against it in a wrong way, defending them against something they've done that's
		

			wrong, or defending them at all costs, like to the extent where you say that doesn't matter what
you've done, or what you've said, I'll still defend you, but the concept that you just will, we will
support them, and we will look after their interest and we will stand up for them. And also taking
an interest in the games that the children play. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to
encourage this. And with regard to eyeshadow, viola, when her she was playing with some dolls, or he
saw that she had some dolls, and he asked her about them, that if you see they're playing with
something and you ask them, What are you playing with? What are these things that you have here and
		

			you take an interest in them. This is some one of the things that a parent should do but we have
another evidence to support this with regard to the children. And this is a hadith which is narrated
from the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and that also Lysol Allahu alayhi wa sallam
Mandala be Abdullah hip knee Jaffa well Who are you to be real men. I was to be on
		

			call Allahumma barik la houfy Bay this Hadees narrated by a Papa Ronnie.
		

			And in this hadith the Messenger of Allah so I sent him he passed by Abdullah in Jaffa and he was a
biru they ll man he was playing salad buying and selling the way the children do. He was playing
with the children buying and selling games like playing shopkeeper or something like that. You know
you be the man that selling that the children do supply playing with a shop or playing selling games
with the children Buying and selling. And the prophet SAW Selim he passed by him and he said Oh
Allah bless him in his sale in his transaction.
		

			Or Allah bless him in his sale in his transaction. So Allah bless him in it shows the that the
Prophet sizes approved of him playing games with the children. He was teaching them it's not a it's
not a foolish game. It's not a game that contains anything harm by just they pretending to buy and
sell, you're gonna buy this from me, how much would you buy it from Okay, I will buy it from you.
And they will, you know, they have some pretend money or something like that and they play like
that. That is something that is praiseworthy. So it's good to play with your children. And it's good
to ask them about the games that they're playing. And that is something that the Prophet sallallahu
		

			alayhi wa sallam he approved of salatu wa he was LMR le so that's all we have time for in this
episode, but we're going to be continuing on with one more episode inshallah to Allah, on the rights
of our children and the obligations of the parents towards them. That's what allowed it easy for me
to mention and Allah knows best or Salatu was Salam ala nabina Muhammad while early he also happy he
may select
		

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