Qa Session On Marriage

			Bismillah Alhamdulillah peace be unto you you are watching the deen show every Wednesday, Midnight's
Thursdays 2pm. Here in Chicago on can TV 36. If you don't have an if you're not here with us in
Chicago, people from all around the globe are tuning into the D show.com. We're trying to here we're
trying humbly to help you understand the most misunderstood way of life, yet the fastest growing way
of life in the world today, Islam, that way of life that was brought by all the messengers of God.
		

			They all call people to the same way to surrender and to submit, not to the Sun to the moon, not to
Jesus, not to Muhammad, but the one who Jesus Muhammad and all the messengers of God submitted to
the one who created the sun, the moon, He created man and woman, but he's not a man or woman, the
Creator of the heavens in the earth in Arabic, we say Allah. So we're here trying to help you
understand his beautiful way of life. And one of the most beautiful things in Islam is finding your
soulmate. But there's some things that we need to know about how to get married, how to approach
that special, someone to certain do's and don'ts. And my next guest, who's coming out Jaso bridges
		

			shake so bridges is going to help answer some of these questions so you don't want to go nowhere.
We'll be right back.
		

			There's only one
		

			is His Messenger.
		

			Jesus was his messenger.
		

			No, I did that. Maybe it's maybe it's just to break the ice. Assalamualaikum share. walaikum salam
Salam Erica, how are you? Hello, good to see you. One more time. Good to see you again. Thank you
for being with Russia. Thank you very much for having me here. How's everything on the road? You
travel a lot nowadays? I do. Actually. I do travel a lot. But things are going very well. Our house
shake volleyball, Sunni yasir. Qadhi? How are they doing a hamdulillah good to see them often
Alhamdulillah without to get to see each other often to come in and get the handle a lot. Yeah, I
really enjoyed working with them. And I enjoy working with you. And I'm glad you can be with us. We
		

			have some questions. People can go to your own section at the deen show.com. They can read a little
bit about you your biography. And some of the work that you're currently involved in. You're an
instructor with L negative. Institute, Is this correct? Yes. And you have a site that helps people
you train people and help get them ready for marriage? I practice? Yes, yeah. So they can find all
the information there at the deen, show calm. You click on. Yes, images, picture there, and
everything will come up. Now we were talking about the last time about the proper way to approach
that man or woman. Now people can go back and look at that show, we're going to continue on talking
		

			about some of these relevant questions that people have. So we're going to just get right into some
of the questions that I have already submitted. All right, let's go for it. Now.
		

			The next question that we have
		

			is
		

			how do you progress getting to know assistant when you're not sure, if you want to propose to her.
You want to talk or interact with her to get a sense of who she is, before you make any type of
proposal that you might regret?
		

			Well, the issue of again going to propose and how much you should know about the person and so on.
It's very confusing, even in this in and the most, I would say talented community, most intelligence
community. Yeah. Many people that think that you should know everything about the person before they
get married. Yeah. What I found, statistically speaking, you know, surveying so many young men and
women, on campuses and different communities and so on, is that those who are pursuing to know the
person and they try their best in almost everything about them. Yeah, at the end of the road, they
become less interested in them,
		

			the more they know about them, and that's ironic, the more they know about them, the less they
become interested in them. Which somehow it seems that the subject of knowing the person or less for
marriage, it's what makes it so beautiful. It's big and mystery, means you'd like it's a kind of
mystery and that's why people sometimes in this culture, they date for months, years, and then
eventually
		

			they stop everything they break up. And it's basically confusing because for some people, when you
you know, simply just tried to think to know that you know, the person before you officially engaged
to them, and suddenly right now it's completely the opposite.
		

			The purpose. So my recommendation suggestion for the person is they need to know enough about the
individual that they would like to propose to. Until there is the comfort zone. Yeah, reaching
comfort zone means that you feel okay with it. You don't have to know every single them about them
before you propose. Yeah. Now you first know that they're willing to cooperate on certain levels,
let's say they, if they are available or not, if they think that they're ready for marriage or not,
if they can consider someone like your status, basically, they know that the person who's proposing
is from a different perspective, background and so on. Once you reach the comfort zone to that
		

			level, then you go and propose to know right now their intellectuality, their level of maturity, how
much? What is what are their goals for life, and so on, these things will come as you convert, and
you communicate with each other. And the first proposal does not necessarily mean that's going to be
accepted or rejected. Yeah. You just simply go and you talk to them, and you Converse and see
explore basically, the mind and the heart of the individual that you propose, the next question that
would lead me into would be is it allowed permissible for a man and woman to talk over the internet,
meaning chat email, in order to get to know one another better for marriage, if this basically,
		

			if this is after the initial proposal means they propose means the parents they know. Or at least,
if they don't have, let's say, someone has does not have a parent be the Convert, or maybe someone
whose parents might not be of any interest specific into the relationship or marriage and so on,
they still need to have some kind of protection, so that they don't get, let's say, carried away
with that relationship without proper maybe arrangements for the future, and so on. So my
recommendation, I would say, it really depends depends on the approval of the parents or their
guards, or the police who are engaged or involved into that into that proposal. Yeah, if it was
		

			before the proposal, I do not recommend that at all. Because you're basically going to be consuming
your energy with someone over the internet, that you might not even have seen at all, you know, just
seeing pictures, maybe they are over the seas, maybe we are just in across the country, and it's
really, really consuming when it comes to
		

			exploiting your emotion and their emotion. For no, maybe, I would say logical reason. Cuz engaging
anytime soon might be a kind of a dream. Yeah, nothing of reality. So it's going to be really
confusing. So I don't recommend that if they're going to be communicating online. Chatting is not
the best way of doing that, rather, probably have an approval again of the garden that might be over
the phone where they can speak, and they can at least hear you know, what's going on, or they're
going to be exchanging emails, then someone needs to be CCD to make sure that you know, all the
conversation will be taken seriously, you know, for the purpose of that conversation. It's not just
		

			a matter of, you know, hanging out, and just, you know, feeling the love and sensation and so on.
No, it's about someone who's serious about this relationship, who wants to take it to the next
level, which is engagement, and then marriage. So if I understand this correctly, first is the
proposal or the intent to propose saying, Okay, look, we're doing this because I want to get
married. So then we go on from there. Absolutely. It's not that like someone who's just going
around, checking, you know, all these, let's say, ladies in the community, or a lady, for example,
to check and all the guys in the community. And now, we want to explore one at a time, one at a
		

			time. Now, you need to have that genuine interest. If you know someone, you have seen someone by
sight and you feel comfortable with that, with that individual. That's when you go, and you start
asking other people, like we said in the previous actually program to that you go and you ask, do
you have someone bring you some more information. And then when you reach your comfort zone, that's
when you go and you propose. And if the proposal was initially approved, they start communicating
with each other to know more, what you need to know, you need to know what just basically
		

			helps you make a decision, knowing everything is almost impossible, as a matter of fact, even
matter, even regardless how much you think you know, the person, even if you are, let's say,
practicing dating the conventional dating, yeah, even if you do that for months, and years and so
on, eventually, the true image the true color of the individual appears after marriage. Yeah, I
mean, we have the perception that you know, you get to know the person before you get married. But
statistically speaking, the rate of divorce in America is so high about 60% even more, which means
one out of six out of 10 marriage and divorce, and you're talking about culture that promotes dating
		

			so much, meaning you need to know the person So again, this kind of you know, process does not
guarantee happiness in marriage. Even if you love the person that much before does not guarantee
happiness after marriage. So marriage has its own rules. And therefore regardless how much you think
you prepared for it, you might be surprised and you will also be surprised. You think people are
confusing infatuation lust with now love there is absolutely i would say i agree that there is some
kind of confusion here many people they just get attracted to the image. Yeah.
		

			And they have the full right to get right to the image because we believe that the image is the eye
basically, is the gateway to the heart. Yeah. And beauty the son of perfection. So for people, when
you see something beautiful, you just say, oh, something perfect, whether it's something you know,
sophisticated like technology, or even design, whatever you go, you say it's beautiful, even though
has nothing to do with beauty. It's just even a piece of metal. But the sophistication of it and the
perfection of that design makes it beautiful. So in our perception, beauty is a sign of perfection.
So when you see someone that you consider beautiful, or handsome, then in your perception, he or she
		

			must be perfect. Yeah, regardless, and you start deceiving yourself that you know what, everything's
gonna be okay. Because they're beautiful, because they're perfect, they're nice, they're good and so
on. That's infatuation. You try to close your eyes, close your ears, from listening, you know, to
the to the reality of life, is marriages is beyond just the sensation of love. And so I know many
people grow up. And we all grew up with that at reading fairy tales, and beauty lovers and so on,
which makes things you know, it just ends always with happily ever after, and so on. I wish that the
reality is like a fairy tale. But it's not. Yeah. So there's so much needs to be done and its
		

			contribution to actually individually individuals in a relationship to make it successful. Next
question, here we have is how do you reconcile beauty and Dean?
		

			Dean translated as the way of life for religion? If he or she's not very good looking? Then you
won't want to be with her or him? But if she's not on the dean, yeah, same situation. I agree.
Actually, the first thing,
		

			the first thing which comes to beauty, we need to realize that the beauty is a relative issue.
		

			It's in the eye of the beholder. Yeah.
		

			The 21st century culture has made many people assume love have a specific standard. So you watch TV,
you read magazines, you get you know, to go to the street and so on. People are obsessed by a
specific image, they made it a standard of beauty. And that standard of beauty is not a reality.
Why? Because it's just you know, it's it's the creation, our minds, the imagination of our in our
own minds. And it does exist in terms of, you know, the image being available, but it's not for
everybody. Yeah, I mean, if everyone is going to wait for that Mr. And Mrs. Perfect to be there,
you're gonna be waiting for so long. And even if you do that, you have seen so many people, what
		

			they do, they try, let's say, to start a conversation with someone whom they assumed to be handsome,
a woman who is beautiful. Then after some time, they get disappointed, even though she's beautiful,
even though he's handsome. But unfortunately, in terms of intellectually, they're not mature. And
there was a spiritual spirituality, they're not showing that kind of dedication, devotion to the
last panel with our Lord and so on. So they get turned off. So it's no longer just a matter of
beauty. Again, Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some people they look into the spiritual
beauty, which is the deep thing. Yeah. So when people they look into the deep means the practice of
		

			the deen and religion. For them, it's a sign of devotion, if they can devote themselves to their
Creator. They can devote themselves themselves to the creation to their husbands and wives in this
case, and even the prophets Allah said recommended Atlas he said in a jackal, mentor Boehner Dino,
hula, hula confessor with you. Which means if someone comes to you, someone comes to you with a
proposal, and you're satisfied with their Deen and Allah, which means their religion, their faith,
the level of worship, and US law, which means mannerism. So two things are, would guarantee a level
of I would say happiness and stability in their marriage with other dynamics, of course, the measure
		

			would help to as well. But here this is not to initiate that. The first thing is the when we say do
we mean by that, the practice of their faith? That is that that's an indicator to the sound
relationship with the Creator, then you have a law, which means mannerism, that's the indicator to
their relationship with the creation. So you need to look at two things. How's the relationship with
the Lord? And what's the relationship with his creation means the people around him Do they behave
well, how people they know what they know about them, is they know they have a good reputation, a
good, let's say, character, and so on. So it's a matter of basically, their relationship with the
		

			Lord and the character with the people. That's what they find to you the basics. Yeah. And then
people that have other preferences afterwards, of course, you know, issues, the level of beauty, the
level of intelligence, the level of let's say, lifestyle and so on. That is something optional.
People, they they adjust their priorities dependent on their own, you know, taste. Next question is,
how can one know that the girl will accept the leadership role of the husband, if she is also
working and possibly making more money than that's an issue that creates some stress and in
relationship? I mean,
		

			in Islam, it's absolutely permissible for a woman to pursue career and pursue, work and earn money.
As long as of course you follow specific guidelines in terms of you know, the type of work she's
doing, and
		

			where the money is coming from it's permissible source and so on.
		

			When it comes to a marriage, and men, basically, they look for a woman, and they have different also
preferences. Some men, they might be looking for a career woman, because they would like to have,
let's say, a specific life standard. And by themselves, they will not be able to provide for that.
So therefore, they need their spouse to help others. Yeah, some other people know, they would like
to have a traditional lifestyle, which means he wants to be the breadwinner. And in this case, he
needs his wife to just to take care of the household. And so he would like to provide her with
everything he wants to be the man in her life and so on. So therefore, they feel so proud of
		

			themselves, achieving that for their wives, and so on, and so on. They like that as well. Yeah, some
women, they do that they don't like that. And some of them I know, actually, as a matter of fact,
who are pursuing specific, let's say, education, and degrees and so on. But they're not they're not
interested in work. And with that degree, they're just wearing it to someone proposed. Yeah. So it
goes both ways. But regardless of the situation, if someone is going to be marrying someone of a
different perspective, when it comes to marriage, then they need to have that
		

			cleared up before they go officially with with marriage. And they need to clear up everything, okay?
I would like my wife, for example, to work, or I'd like my wife to stay at home and I will take care
of her, I will do everything for her Charlotte's widow, she would never
		

			feel anything is missing in her life and so on. Or maybe the man he would like to his wife to help
with that. So it's a matter of, you know, mutual arrangements. And in Islam, there is a room for
there is a room for conditional stipulations before marriage. Yeah, what they what they agree on, it
will of course have to go through because that's a mutual agreement of mutual consent. But as a
recommendation, though, that's not that's something different islamically speaking, we believe in
traditional values, that's the man is the one who's providing for the family. And the woman, she's
basically here her role is so important, and family, no man would be able to really substitute for
		

			the for the role of woman and family life. And that's what creates kind of stability in society as
well. Yeah. So this is if if now, say the husband, he really wants that these children are raised by
their mother, obviously. And it's more important that she's really, because she's an institution of
the children now, absolutely. That is it. Something that is encouraged that now she does make sure
that her number one priority is making that these children grow up to be
		

			people who who contribute to society and absolutely, absolutely, unfortunately, many people, they
underestimate the value and, and, and I would say the work even of women at home when they take care
of the children. I mean, I'm married myself and I have three children. And I know how much women how
much you know, my wife, she is basically she, I don't want to say that use the word suffer, but how
much you really shouldn't use in order to make sure that everything is being done for the family,
for your kids and also for herself. And that doesn't mean that a woman will completely melt her
personality, her character into the relationship, she will still have her space, though. Yeah, he
		

			she has her own space, your own room to breathe, and to do things that she likes to do and so on. As
long as it permissible. And you know, islamically That's okay. But absolutely, the best role is to
take care of the future generation of this oma and also the future generation of humanity. And
that's not an easy job to do. She shouldn't look down on like someone's looking down at her because
it is the society is painted it kind of like, what do you house mom, or this is a big, important
role. Now, people not to think of this, as you know, you have a second role in society. Yeah. And
that's not fair. I believe people, unfortunately, there weren't, you know, beyond, I would say
		

			dealing with reality. Yeah. And now they're just living their own dreams of doing the personal
achievements and goals. And then they fall short on one of these primary roles that you know, a
woman can do in life. Yeah. Which is taking care of the family and the children and so on.
		

			That, of course, now, here's the thing that comes over here, okay. Would men ever be appreciative to
the wives, you know, the sacrifices and so on, they absolutely needs to be appreciated, as a man
should appreciate that his wife is the one who's taking care of things, you know, in the house, and
so on. And he should also understand, you know, the agonies and the pains that his wife might go
through, you know, there's some, sometimes there is a communication problem here. Yeah. A man cannot
sometimes, you know, express himself to his wife properly. And a woman might speak, let's say, in a
language that the man will not understand, in terms of her feelings and emotions, so they start
		

			getting this kind of clash. Yeah, the man he thinks he's being betrayed, you know, by not being
appreciated because of the sacrifices of the family. And in return the woman she also feels that the
pain that you know, what are what I'm doing, he thinks he's the one who's doing everything. But I'm
the one who's doing all these sacrifices, at home, and so on. Both actually are doing, what they're
supposed to be doing their own role in life. And the last part that says omnicell Chicago region,
women are counterpart for men, which means we complete each other we don't, we should not compete
against each other. If we start competing, we both lose. But if we start you know, understanding
		

			that
		

			My counterpart is another side. And therefore it just like becomes like a piece of puzzle. Yeah, you
put them together becomes perfect. Because if that home is broken, and if the home is not taken care
of where these kids have that love and mercy that first is starting with that mother, absolutely.
Betsy is taking care of the children and the TVs, raising them, and then they're going to be laid
out for society, and they're not going to obviously, be a good contribution, you're going to have
some problems. Are we all doing? Or are they having problems because of this, unfortunately, and I
think the main problem is our perception. That, you know, being a mother who takes care for
		

			children, that is not that valuable is not that a big contribution to the community of society. So
women they are, they grew up right now knowing you know, that I need to contribute something
different and do something else, and so on. And most women, they really do that with good
intentions, that they would like to do something for themselves feel a specific, let's say, self
force, into finding a special a special thing that they can do, besides, you know, being just a
mother at home and so on. Yeah. And I believe that those who choose to be a stay at home mom, they
really they deserve all the praise. Because now we're now talking about women who can achieve
		

			things. Yeah.
		

			anything besides you know, achieving their most important role, which is taking care of household
and the child at home? I feel sad, because there's so many questions and so little time, but we're
obviously not going to be able to get to all these questions before we talk about this website that
you have about training, and helping people to find that soulmate. Talk to us bring it home for the
person that might have just accepted this way of life, Islam. And now they see all these different
rules and restrictions. And they're used to doing it their own way, according to their own desires,
holding hands with a woman getting How am I How am I supposed to get to know her? How am I supposed
		

			to, you know, realize if she's the one, I have to give her guardian, I have to do this have to do
that seems like a lot of weight now. And how do you bring it home and rationalize this and help them
to understand the wisdom behind this for Muslims, those who come to Islam, I know that one of the
things that they might face at the beginning is there like a cultural shock? Yeah, I mean,
everything for them is probably new. And the everything that they do is probably for the first time.
So it's going to take a while for them. Because before they get adjusted to this kind of thing,
specifically when it comes to the interaction between men and women. And both of them when they act,
		

			they act with full with felina with open heart, and you know, with good faith and so on, it's not
that they tend to do something wrong. But just sometimes they don't know if it's right or wrong to
do it. There is of course, a level of interaction between men and women in Islam, it doesn't mean
that you know, men and women are completely separate from each other, there is a level of
interaction, but it's this interaction is the formal interaction, the informal interaction should be
for the family, and should be with the spouses, which means to know, just let your guard down a
little bit and start acting yourself and so on that would be between family members. But with those
		

			who are not related to each other, there still has to be some level of formality with full respect.
So when a man deal with a woman, he does with her an equal mental level. And I would say give her
that the respect that she deserves, as the lady and the man, the same thing he deserves also that
respect, his privacy, his space as well. And the community does not relate to the woman. So we all
complete, we don't compete against each other. So if a man is interested, let's say in a woman, and
he would like to know how to do it, we should should go to her and say, I would like to get married
to you or bend down on his knee. And so as I propose to you, this might not work in the ideal
		

			world of Muslim society. So they he has to go through some of some of these, I would say trainings.
Now, this is where you provide, that's what we provide. We also provide that and shout louder, we
give them techniques, we give them tips on how to do it, how to go about it. And they are also on
our blog, which is a blogger for practice.com. When they go to the blog, there are a lot of
interaction. And there are so many actually ideas too, we can bring to the table. Yeah, we always
ask for their contribution as well, because they have some concerns, we would like to know how we
can help them. So if they can provide us with that kind of help, we also provide the best training
		

			that they want inshallah that will help them. So this should you can say, can you add to this? What
I'm saying is that this is for the protection of Society for the Protection of the man and woman. I
mean, because we see what happens when your desires run wild, most men are interested in one thing,
and they can get led away by you know, the smooth talkers and in the man whose agenda is one thing
so if you do it the way the creator wants you to do it is for your own protection. That's so you
don't end up having illegitimate children diseases and all these other things that come while you do
it your own way. That's the importance of marriage. Yeah, we believe that marriage marriages
		

			institution is a sacred relationship. Yeah. And it was mentioned before as being so sacred. Yeah. So
if it was sacred, I mean, no one has the right you know, to to mess up with it. It has specific
guidelines and rules. They're not rigid rules. Yeah, but there are guidelines that can help you even
ensure a better
		

			relationship for yourself. Yeah, family. So what protects both men and women? The misperception is
that it's only protects men is really wrong. Yeah, this is more even protective. It's more
protective to women than it is for men and men, they also have their share of responsibility as much
as they require that they're required to receive the rights in the relationship. So when we look at
it from from from all sides, we will see that it's really a perfect system. Yeah, it's really a
perfect system that people would definitely appreciate if they know the truth about the concept of
marriage in Islam. So tell us where they can go to get this training and where they can go to
		

			hopefully, God willing, find their soulmate, I hope so. And I wish them the best inshallah Allah
decom can visit us at our website, practice gmail.com and go to our blog as well which is what used
to be the marriage revolution.com and is now also integrated into the same website. So they come and
visit and they see for themselves inshallah Allah, they can judge, we would like also to see the
contribution on the blog, the most important thing right now to go start exploring before we make a
decision on join a practice or not, go to the blog, interact with other singles and Charlotte Allah
and see how people they see things differently men and women, how they see the subject of marriage
		

			differently. It's amazing, that will definitely will just open your mind to the idea that you
definitely you're going to need that kind of training to shell out that shake. Thank you very much
for being with us again by the diesel. Bianca Thank you. And thank you for tuning in to another
episode of the deen show. I hope you got to benefit. And it's very important. It's very important
that we understand that this life is short paradise, seeing the face of our Lord, the one who
created us. This is what we all should be striving for. And having your soulmate next to you makes
things a lot easier. So we need to get on the ball and find that right person. The shake had given
		

			us a website that we can visit where you can get that proper training, because this is one of the
biggest challenges facing us today is finding that special someone so you train to get better at
basketball and you get training to get better at your profession. Why not get some training and how
to be the best spouse? So please visit that website and visit us here at the deen show calm every
week for a new show. Until next time, Assalamu alaikum peace be unto you. The DVDs for Dawa as Allah
has said in the Quran in surah now 16 125 Voodoo Illa Serbia lira bakeable hikma Hekmati invite all
the way of your Lord with wisdom beautiful preaching and reason with them in ways that are best and
		

			this is a great opportunity for you to take up the obligation take up the call as Allah has told you
to do and share this beautiful message with the world Islam submission to the One God see what
everyone's talking about. You find one contradiction it can be from God.
		

			But the rational idea the rational explanation is you do your best to give up worshiping God is why
I will never give up spreading this message. Hope that you take the necessary steps you don't know
if you're gonna live till tomorrow.
		

			So you got to find that urgency to do the right thing right now.
		

			If you say that you do not believe in Jesus, you have stepped outside of Islam you cannot be a
Muslim ended at 10 in our faith to
		

			eats comb eats lay everybody asleep.
		

			I arise and ask a lot of thinking me own law you see, oh law you know, all the things I do. I turn
to you to forgive my sins.
		

			Have you seen a
		

			runaway
		

			guy be