Tarek Kareem Harris – S2E5 Akhlaaq #2 – How To Build Excellent Character – A Psychiatrist Explains Rules Of Conduct

			in building a strong and resilient mind, the two parts of a clock are the truths of life and the
rules of conduct. We covered the truth in the last video,
		

			the rules of conduct, our goals of how you would like to behave.
		

			It is important and very helpful indeed, that you declare what your most important rules of conduct
are. And just like the truths of life, you should remind yourself of them frequently. Think about
your character, as a lump of coal.
		

			Coal is made of carbon, the same element that all living things are made of the lump of coal can be
turned to ash, or coal, dust, or diamond, all through the same processes, heat and pressure.
		

			Just like that lump of coal, life will grind you down, burn you are polished you up. It depends on
how you handle it.
		

			Your character will go through many tests, some of those you will pass by making good decisions and
calmly getting through and some you will suffer through. But it is hard to say that you will fail
because even failure will teach you something as long as you understand that there is no such thing
as failure, just feedback,
		

			you will find not only that pressure, and difficulty are easier to handle. But you can also use
those same forces to achieve happiness and success.
		

			So let's think about devising our own rules of conduct. Basically, they are goals of behavior. There
are ways in which you want to be so they are phrases which start with the phrase I will try to be to
devise your own personal rules. Try these exercises. Firstly, cast your mind forward in time.
		

			Imagine yourself very old inshallah. And looking back on your life, you'll be facing God. And when
you face God, what character would you be proud of having shown throughout your life,
		

			make a list of qualities that that person would have had.
		

			They could be things like honesty, faithfulness, being hard working, and that kind of thing. The
more specific you can make them. And the more important these things are to you, the more central
they are to your character,
		

			the more you should look these things over. Because it is easy to forget these things when we are
busy trying to live our lives. Another way of defining your rules of conduct would be to imagine
yourself giving advice to a much younger version of you. Perhaps you were just a young child,
imagine you were writing down a set of 20 rules that the child had to read every morning and night.
And if they acted out those rules every day, you promised that they would become a good and worthy
person. What would those rules be?
		

			Another way to think about it is to think about someone you really admire,
		

			list their qualities to show the character you would really like to emulate every day. What is it
about them that you like? What do they do? Or how are they with other people,
		

			the more you can emulate them, the closer you can get to becoming like them is generally true to say
that when we imitate and try to aspire towards something great. Alarm moves us towards that thing.
People don't often think about these things as much as they should keep them close, written down a
bit like your truths of life, you need to revise them and stare at them, perhaps every morning, or
every couple of days.
		

			Some people do this every day, others every week. Others do it when they're praying to do what you
need to do. But know this, the more you put in, the more you gain. And when you put effort into a
clock, the returns are much greater than what you put in. You only need to put in a modest amount
for you to start seeing the rewards.
		

			I found that reading the stories of the greats how they and the adventures of the Prophet inspire me
to behave in a way that emulates those people. I can aspire to be like them and keep those
principles close to my heart.
		

			Keeping the rules of conduct strong in your heart takes effort, but you can easily add it into your
time before or after Salah or to those few moments you take for yourself when you're having coffee
at breakfast, or on the way to work. Or perhaps in the evening after a shower.
		

			Here's a list of the rules of conduct, which I found helpful. Many people find these things in
common with me and take which ones you will the point is
		

			They need to resonate with you. If they don't mean much to you, then you don't need them.
		

			So the example list goes like this, I will try to be thankful
		

			to thank Allah for what I have. And always remember what others less fortunate than me do not have,
or what other people have lost, and to pray for them. And remember that I am blessed with whatever I
am given,
		

			I will try to be hopeful to retain hope for myself and for other people. Hope is what gets me
through difficulty. And what conquers fear. And combined with our hope is an unbeatable force.
		

			I will try to be purposeful, to involve myself in something that is important. And that matters to
me, and the people I love.
		

			I will try to be loving, for the people whom I love in a concrete and regular way, at least once a
day,
		

			show them, hug them, do something that makes them happy,
		

			I will try to be committed to do what I am obliged to do. And to do what I set out to do humbly,
without waiting for my mood or my motivation to be right. If I am committed to do something, I will
try to do it and not let my emotions interfere.
		

			I will try to be cheerful, I will try to smile every morning. And remember to approach every new
thing with a positive attitude. Smiling in itself will help me to feel better about anything I do.
		

			I will try to be individual to pursue and develop my own particular strengths, to value myself and
be of use to other people in the ways in which I have particular strengths. I must find my
particular strengths and try to make them bigger over time.
		

			I must respect other people's individuality and try to seek out what makes them stronger than other
people in this or that way.
		

			I will try to be accountable, to take responsibility for my decisions, even when things turn out
badly. That way, when things go well, I can rightly take credit. And when things go badly, I can
rightly look at them and say what can I do differently next time.
		

			I will try to be loyal family to me is more important than work and more important than most other
commitments. So loyalty is very important to me, I will not judge my family for things that they
have wronged me on. And I hope that they don't judge me, loyalty is more important than work.
		

			I will try to be dignified, I will try always to act in a manner that shows gentleness, humility,
and quiet strength, I will not try to show off. I will try not to be proud or boastful.
		

			those rules might seem relevant to you or not. I have added to them and subtracted to them over the
years. But I always found that coming back to them, especially when times are tough, helps to remind
me of the person I wish to be. And slowly, I can move towards that character throughout my life. And
the wish never ends. The mission is never completed. We are always on a journey to try to improve
ourselves. And we must acknowledge that we shouldn't feel inadequate, we should feel fine. As long
as we know that we are doing our best. God knows that we are just human beings. And he's made us to
be full of fault and self doubt. But the beauty of that is that we know how to be humble and to help
		

			other people along the same journey.
		

			Reflecting on our clock as a whole. God has given us so much guidance on a clock Alhamdulillah we
must focus on it and be mindful of reminding ourselves of our truths of life, and our rules of
conduct as often as it requires. Initially, everyday might be helpful. But after a month or so,
perhaps going down to every couple of weeks. The point is we have morals and laws, which our
religion teaches us. And we have other rules and moralities which we know are inherent to us anyway.
		

			We must reflect on our character and continually hold ourselves to account as to how we are actually
living out our values.
		

			Only if we really reflect on these things every day. Can we make them big and present in our minds,
and only then will they become set into our character. Everyone can agree with a set of rules, but
to really live by them is a process by which you have
		

			Continually remind yourself. And when you do this, these rules will then come back and remind you,
they will help you to take more responsibility for your actions and choices. And this in turn will
give you greater control over your destiny. May the almighty help us all in our efforts to become
better people.
		

			In the next video, we will be looking at ways to control our emotions and our thoughts better.
		

			inshallah, I'll see you then. And for anyone who wants to know more, there is great detail on a
clock and every other aspect of mental well being covered in both of my books, look at the links
below, and order the books. The more books we can sell at this stage, the more we can complete our
mission to make all books in future free inshallah, once we reach around a million followers, I know
it's ambitious, but nothing great was easy to achieve. And stay with me, because we still got so
much great information and lessons that we can all learn from going forward
		

			was so long