Taimiyyah Zubair – Taleem al Quran 2012 – P06 066B Tafsir Al-Nisa 148-149
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The speakers discuss the use of evil speech in public and private settings, citing examples such as "arthing a woman" and "arthing a woman" to assert one's opinion or make others believe they are lying." They stress the importance of being aware of one's behavior and avoiding false information, as it can lead to negative behavior. The speakers also emphasize the need for privacy laws and forgiveness, and advise individuals to focus on forgiveness and not force others to do things they think are evil.
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Lesson number 66 pseudo turnesa is number 148 to 162.
Just number six laying your head biller who will job is su e. Allah does not like the public mentioned of evil mineral coal in speech INLA except Mundo Lima, one who has been wronged what can Allah Who Samir and Alima and Allah is ever hearing and knowing?
Lay your head Billa who Allah subhanaw taala he doesn't love something, what is that thing that he does not like? Which he does not appreciate? He does not appreciate a Jehovah Sue immunol poll. What does a joker mean Ultra Harris from Jeem how raw and the word Jehovah is to do something or to say something openly publicly an action or a word that is done openly so that people see it, people hear it, they witness it, it's not hidden. One is an action that you do behind closed doors. Another is an action that a person does on the street, one is a word that a person says under his breath and the other is a word which a person says out loud okay. So out loud in the street openly what is that
Jeff, okay. And this is both in words as well as inaction. Likewise, there could be some words that you say in your head, are they hidden? Yes they are. But once you say them, even if you whisper them to an individual, they have been let out that is also job okay. So, Allah does not like And Jehovah Bisou he does not like that evil is expressed it is said openly publicly before people in front of them whether it is whispered or it is announced or it is yelled no matter what tone it is, if it is said out Allah does not like it, Allah does not like Allah Jarabe su
mineral cone of speech in particular meaning of all the words the public mentioned of evil, okay, meaning openly saying bad words is something that Allah subhanaw taala does not like now words speech is of two kinds, one is good, and one is bad. Correct. And every word is either a good word or a bad word. And even if a word is neutral, then it is either inclined towards being good or it is inclined towards being bad. Okay? What do we learn in the Hadith, that if a person wants to say something good, then he should say it, right? This is the gist of the Hadith. And if he doesn't want to say something good, then what should he do? Well, you're smarter than he should be silent. So
either say something good, or be silent. Why be silent? Because if you say bad words, that's something that Allah subhanaw taala does not like. Now, what are the ways? What are the different forms rather of bad words? The different forms of bad words are many. Firstly, for example, using bad words, swearing, foul speech, okay? Likewise, bad words includes yelling at someone in anger. Okay, bad words includes what else? Raise your hand. Think about it.
backbiting, backbiting, talking bad about someone behind their back? What else?
How about mocking at someone? Whether in front of them or behind them? Isn't that included? In bad words? Yes. How about insulting someone? Whether it is before them or behind them? That is bad words, right? So there are different forms off bad words, arguing with someone and argument is something that happens, but arguing in a way that is not appropriate, such as that a person yells or that a person raises his voice in a very harsh manner, or that a person speaks in a very harsh tone. Okay, all of this is what Sue middle call it is evil speech. So when this has said out openly, it is something that Allah subhanaw taala does not like, okay, so if Allah does not like it to be done
openly, does this mean that a person can do it privately? Mine closed doors are in his heart, that you curse and yell at someone in your heart. You don't have the guts to say them out. But you say whatever you want to in your heart, and you yell at them and you give them a speech and you give them a lecture and you give them every answer to whatever they have to say
In your heart, is that okay too? That's not okay either. Because Allah subhanaw taala hears you, okay? And he watches you, he knows what you're saying, even when you don't utter it from your mouth, even if you just whisper it into your heart, like Allah says in the Quran, and that one narla moment to us, we will be enough so that Allah subhanaw taala knows what a person's heart whispers to him. So the conversation that's going on in your heart, Allah knows about that, too. So it doesn't mean that you can say bad words in your heart or entertain bad speech. In your mind. This is something that shouldn't be done neither in public nor in private. But why is public mentioned over here? Why?
Because that is worse. You know why that's worse. When you're seeing something bad in your heart, or when you're alone. For example, a person is alone at home, okay, something falls down, and they swear, and they say really bad words, all the swear words, they know they keep saying that they Yeah, my mom's not here, my dad's not here, I can just say whatever I want.
The thing is that when you say it openly, publicly before other people, then you are also making other people a witness to your sin. When you're alone, okay, there's no other person to witness your sin. But when you're doing it openly, then you're making others a witness. Okay, they will testify against you or for you, you're making their ears a witness.
All right. And moreover, publicly when a person says bad words, he says them to others, isn't it? When he says them in front of others, he's saying it to them, even if a person is just, you know, going on, by himself talking to himself saying bad words, why is he saying that to make other people hear that I'm really upset? Isn't it that a person is not saying to someone that Oh, you are like this? Or you are like this? Or you are like this? No, they're going on and on by themselves, you know, like people talk to themselves. So they're talking to themselves, but they're saying bad words, why? In front of others, to indirectly tell them to indirectly addressed them with those
words. So this is why evil words should not be said in front of other people. Because this will cause other people to get hurt, it will hurt their feelings. When you're angry at someone, okay? You're angry, but it doesn't mean you say whatever you want to. Because if you will do that, you will end up hurting other people their feelings. Correct. So this is why lay your head below Jehovah su e Meenal. Coli in except there is only one exception. Which exception, man, Zuma, the one who was wronged meaning the only case where a person is allowed to say something like this publicly, is when he is a victim of oppression, when he is a victim of injustice when he is genuinely oppressed. So in
this case, he will say bad words openly for two reasons. One of two reasons, first of all, to respond to the injustice of the one who has wronged him. So for example, someone is humiliating an individual in a gathering. Okay, there's 10 people in that gathering one person, he picks on someone and he starts humiliating them. So he says, You're like this, and your mother's like this, and your dad's like this and look at your nose and look at your hair and look at your clothes. You don't know anything. And you just think too much of yourself. And you did this and you did that. So this person is sitting silently. So what does he do? No, I think you were like that. Okay, so he responds. In
the same way. He says, No, I think you're like that. You call me ignorant. I think you're ignorant. You call me intolerant? I think you're intolerant. You say I don't know anything? I think you don't know anything. Okay, so he responds, do the evil words how, in the same way? Now, this is something that is permissible. Okay, but how much is permissible? Only as much, as was said to the person, meaning he shouldn't say, yeah, you call me ignorant. You're not just ignorant. You're Ultra foolish, and you're an idiot, and you're this and you're this and you're this? And he goes on and on? No, it should only be as much as they have said to you. Remember that hadith in which the Jewish
person he said Osama Aleikum, and the Prophet sallallahu sallam said Weronika and the same to you? Right? And the same to you. And I should have the law on her how did she respond? Why are they concerned? Well learner she said and learner be on YouTube. Now this is something that's not correct. Okay. You should only say as much as the other has said to you, because no Quran Allah says in surah Chura I have 41 Well, I'm an InterSolar dar de lune me for Allah II can marry or lay him in Seville.
Whoever Avengers himself after having been wronged, then there is no sin against them. Meaning if you're just taking revenge, then there's no sin on you. Like when somebody's arguing with you, and they raise their voice, so you also raise your voice, but only as much as they have raised their voice. Okay, they are being very upset with you. So you also become upset with them, but only as much as they're upset not more than that. Because sometimes what happens is that someone has just irritated us by let's say, an action of this. And then we go on lecturing them, we go on to yelling at them. And we sound so foolish when we're doing that.
Try to have someone record you when you're angry. Okay. And these days at Hamdulillah, we have recorders everywhere, on your phone, or whatever. So have someone like maybe your spouse or your brother or your sister, have them record you when you're angry. And then listen to yourself. Listen to yourself, how foolish you sound. And you will be embarrassed by listening to yourself even. So, the only exception is for the one who has been wronged. And he will only say as much as was said to him the other way. The other option that this person has, is that he will complain to someone. Because remember that backbiting, talking bad about someone talking about them, something that they
do not like, is something that's not allowed. And that falls in the category of a jumpsuit metal cone. Correct. So, if somebody has wronged you, they have hurt you. They have been unfair with you and you want help. So you go to someone and you tell them about what so and so person did. You are complaining to them? Why are you complaining to them? Because you have been treated unjustly and you want help? So is it okay for you to mention such a thing about another? Yes. Is it okay for you to mention they're wrong before someone else to seek help? Yes, it is. So when a person is complaining to someone in order to seek help, okay? That is also permissible, that is not considered backbiting.
Okay? But remember one thing, it should only be before those who can actually help you.
Okay, it should only be before those who can help you not before those who can do nothing. So for example, there's a woman she's having problems with her husband or her family. So what she does, she goes and talks to her friends about it. You know, my husband, this is what he said to me. Can you imagine, he's supposed to be my husband, and this is what he said to me. And this is how he's treating me. And she's like, Yeah, I feel so bad for you. And man, you know, they're like this, just ignore him. And you should do this and stuff. I mean, the friend cannot do anything. If it's a friend who can give you some advice on how to deal with that problem. That's a different story. Now,
on the other hand, the same woman, she goes to, let's say, her older brother, seeking His help, okay, in her marital problems, and he can help her, he can help her. So in that case, is it okay for her to say things about her husband to her brother? Is it okay? Yes, it is. It's permissible. All right. And we can also complain to someone else who can we complain to? Allah subhanaw taala. So for example, a person has been hurt by someone really wronged by them. So what does he do? He makes the odd to Allah that Oh Allah, please get my right from this individual. Oh Allah, please make this individual understand Allah, please help me against them. Please save me from their oppression,
please reward me for my suffering. Please replace my suffering with something else with something better. So when a person complains to Allah about another individual, is that okay? Yes, it is. So much so that it is said that a person may even prey against the learning against the oppressor. Meaning a person may also make dua to Allah Oh, Allah, the oppressor, what he has done to me, you do the same to him. Okay, the harm that he has caused me, you cause him the same harm. However, some scholars they dislike this, for example, has an adversity. He said that one should not invoke Allah for curses against whoever has wronged him, rather, he should make dua, or Allah helped me against
him and take my right from him. Meaning he should not say oh Allah curse him, curse her. You know, punish her. Make her suffer because she has done this to me or she has said this to me. Don't make such drawers instead, make different doors which is that all
Ha, help me against her, help me against him, please take my right from him or from her and give it to me. So this is something that is better.
So in the Muslim except for the one who has been wronged, so the one who has been oppressed, he can say, where words that are generally not acceptable, why in order to seek help. Now, we learned that there was a man whose neighbor was not a good person at all, his neighbor would harass him a lot. So this person, he complained, and he asked for advice that what should he do? So, he was told, take all of your stuff, your all of your luggage all of your possessions and put them in the street. So that's what this person did. He went home, got everything out, put it in the street, and the neighborhood everybody started asking him that what's the matter? He said, My neighbor, this
neighbor of mine, he has made my life so miserable. I don't think I can live here anymore. So then what happened? All the people they went and rebuked the neighbor that Why do you treat him like this? Why have you made his life miserable? So then what happened? His neighbor, he went and apologized and the things were better. Now, this person, he invited help in a different way. Okay. And he did say something bad about his neighbor. Even though it was true, he said it and generally it would not be acceptable, but because he was being oppressed. This is why it was okay for him to say it. So lay your head biller who Jarabe su immunol Kohli Ilam and William, Allah says what can
Allah Who Samia on our Lima and Allah is ever hearing and knowing what does it mean? That he hears all that you say? And he knows all that is going on? He hears all that you say to yourself in your heart, what do you utter from your mouth? What you say to people, he knows how accurate it is? How exaggerated it is how untrue it is. He knows what can allow Sameer and Neva. Because sometimes what happens is that if a person is oppressed, he is suffering because of another and they go and complain to someone what happens, they add details that are not true. Or they exaggerate the problem and present it in such a terrible way that people would think that the oppressor is someone so
wicked, whereas in reality, that's not true.
Like for example, the way generally women complain about their husbands is amazing. They portray their husbands as if they are the most evil people who walk on this planet, as if they're selfish, as if they have nothing to do in this life except for torture their wives. And this is injustice towards the husbands speak fairly. Always speak fairly, and fear Allah concerning what you say, because the details that you give, they better be accurate. If they're not accurate than remember, you become the volume. You know that? If you say something that's not true, then you become the oppressor. In a hadith we learn. The prophets have a lot of Saddam said that whatever words are
uttered by those who curse each other, then he who started it will carry the burden of it, unless the one who was wronged transgresses the limit unless the one who was wrong transgresses the limit. Meaning he says more than was set to him. He says more than was true and accurate. In that case, he is more sinful he is more responsible. So what do we learn in this idea? What's the message of this idea? What's the take home message?
Come on? You're not fasting like Maria Maria Santa
Maria when she gave birth Teresa Addison um, she was told that if anyone says something to you, for coolie in in order to live rock man in Solomon Phelan aka lemon, Yama, insane, yeah, that say that. Indeed, I'm fasting today for the Most Merciful so I shall not speak to any human being. So this has been abrogated. Okay, such fasts. We don't keep them. Okay. So you are allowed to speak and you must speak. Okay. You're supposed to refrain from eating and drinking, but not from talking, especially talking about good things saying good words. So what's the lesson from this idea? Yes.
Okay, that we see that a person should not say words that are inappropriate, meaning that there is no allowance in our religion, for any Muslim to say something bad about another or to another publicly. You're not allowed to humiliate someone publicly. You're not allowed to say something bad to someone publicly.
and you're not allowed to talk about someone in bad terms publicly, and publicly means before one individual or two individuals, or it means putting it on Facebook or Twitter or whatever. You're not allowed to say bad things about others.
We also see that Allah is idle justice, you know, if tit for tat, but Bill my roof in the recognized way. Yes. So, if a person has been dealt with injustice, he is allowed to speak up, go ahead.
Salam Alikum.
Bad hour, if we talk about bad words, with given bad data, especially children, we have to be careful in front of children if we swear, if we say any bad words, you know, so bad data? Yes, that bad words, one of the reasons why we're not allowed to say them before others is because others will pick up on them. When we say them, others are hearing them and when they will hear them, it will be recorded in their memory, and eventually it will come out of their mouths. And it's not necessarily that children are the only ones who will pick up the bad words even adults can Is it at all? Does it happen to you that you're spending too much time with someone and there are certain words that this
individual uses in their vocabulary in their daily language? So what happens? You start saying those words as well? Does it happen? For example, if a friend of yours says like, like, like too much, then what happens? He started saying like, like, like too much do, right? Yes. Especially in our society, like bullying and backbiting and jealousy, unfortunately, it has become really common. So I was just recalling dua, because when we believe that the Hawala coalition incur the, the no one can harm you, or no one can benefit you until he really wants it. So I was just recalling a dua that Allah homak fini him but mashita so that's the door that we should all recite, and we should all I
mean, remember that, that it's only Allah who can always protect exactly that when you were the victim of somebody's insults of somebody's mockery of somebody's bullying, then seek Allah's pound on his help.
We should watch your words, because sometimes our words becomes action. Yeah, definitely. I was just thinking that how natural earthiness this is just common sense. Yet we have such hard time accepting these rules. Yes, that this is common sense. We know bad words are accepted. They're tolerated anywhere, okay? Especially places which are serious academic, you don't tolerate such words such speech. So how can we tolerate such words in our homes, in our families and our daily conversations between our friends, this is something that's not acceptable. People post their pictures on Facebook, and I know some other people they copy and paste and forward to others and make up stories
about the pictures judge people according to what you see. There just because we have seen a picture of someone you know, making up things fabricating lies about someone this is also Jehovah Sue, mineral calm.
So lie your HIPAA law who Jehovah Sue immunol Tony INLA man's William, what can Allahu Semir on our Lima now, one is that a person says something about someone that is bad, but it's true.
It is true. And generally, this is what we say to ourselves, but she's like that, alright, and she deserves it. She really made me upset so she deserves it. And she has hurt me so much that no matter what I say to her can never be enough. Right? This is what we say. This is how we allow ourselves to say harsh words to say rude words to say bad words. So then does it mean that you're only allowed to say bad words when they're untrue? If they're untrue, that is worse. Because what is that slander, false accusation that is much worse. So don't say it whether it is true or untrue. Whether you feel really bad and hurt, or you don't feel hurt, no matter how you're feeling, no matter how wrong the
other person is. Don't see it unless you are seeking help. And speak only to those who can help you and say only that which is correct.
You know, when we're backbiting we justified by saying Oh, well I can say this to her face. It's not a big deal. But it is a big deal because even if you do say to her face, you're still wrong because you're hurting her. Yes. And remember that even if you have the guts to say to their face, Allah doesn't like it. He does not approve of it. Remind yourself layer your HIPAA Allah. Allah does not like this action. And if Allah does not like it, he disapproves of it. He will get angry with it. He will get upset because of it then
That means we are calling his punishment upon ourselves. And this is something serious. So now you have Allahu Jara Bisou immunocal Illa. Mongolian. What can Allah Who Samira or Lima into boo Hi, Iran out of whoo hoo if instead you show some good or conceal it to blue from the bad girl Wow. And what does that mean? To expose to reveal to express something? So if you show it, If you do it out openly, if you say it in doobly doo Hi, Ron. And what is Hi, Ron.
Good, alright, so if you do a good action, if you say a good word, if you show it in to Blue Hi run out of food or you hide it to heal from heart failure. And that means to conceal something, meaning you can seal a good word, you can seal a good action. Now one way is to harbor soup. Okay, one way is to express to do evil. And Allah subhanaw taala is telling us about the other way, which is far better, which is when a person
doobadoo Hi, Ron, he expresses good meaning he says good openly, or he hides it in his heart. When a person has been wronged, when a person has been treated unfairly, there are two reactions. One is that he takes revenge. He speaks up, he says whatever he feels like, okay. And the other way is off place. That a person says only good. A person entertains only good thoughts about someone how that instead of yelling at them, saying something good, something positive, in a low voice. Instead of getting angry in your heart, giving them the benefit of the doubt in your heart.
Like for example, there's a person and you feel that they constantly interfere in your business. Whatever you're doing, they just have to come and do something where you're working. Right? Come over there as an excuse and just look at what you're doing, and interfere and market you later on or find faults in the work that you're doing. So what happens, you're working, you're doing something and they're they come and as they come you just want to turn around and give it to them.
Okay, but then you choose the other option. doobadoo Hi, Ron, you say something I said already come? How are you doing? And if you're not at that level? No way. I can't say that, at least say something good in your heart. And what is that? Maybe they need something from here. You know what I'm going to ignore them and I'm going to do my work. You entertain a good thought give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they are here for some other reason. Maybe they're passing by maybe they forgot something of theirs over here. So in W Hi Ron out of FUBU. And the best thing is a dar for en su in that you pardon their evil. Therefore I infer Well, if you completely forgive them for the wrong
meaning you forgive them, for whatever they've done in the past, you clean your heart of any evil that they've done. You read any bad thoughts, bad feelings against them, therefore unto and then for in Allah then indeed Allah can or a full one Khedira he is ever pardoning and competent. What does it mean? that such a person will find Allah pardoning and forgiving?
And he should remember that Allah is Adid that he has all the power, the strength, the ability to punish us when we do wrong. But yet doesn't he forgive us? Don't we want forgiveness from him? That's what we want. So why don't we forgive someone else's wrong? We may have the power of words to use against them. We may have the strength to raise our voice and yell at them we may have the confidence to speak up and defend ourselves and humiliate them. But remember that Allah is also muddied. And if he started catching us on every little mistake and sin of ours, then what would be our state? What would be our state? So then what's better, that we forgive others so that we can be
forgiven? We give them the benefit of the doubt so that Allah will also overlook our mistakes? We show them goodness, so that Allah will also show us goodness in Tubu Hiren out of formal attire for en su in for in the Lucha can are a full 130 Euro.
Now the thing is that the first command
That was given that the person who has been wronged he has the permission to speak up, he has the allowance to say bad things in revenge or to seek help. Now, this is an allowance, okay? This is a rasa for who, for those who cannot be patient, for those who cannot forgive, okay, for those who cannot move on, for those who cannot get over it, basically, for those who have little hearts, okay, for those who are not tolerant, but then there's another option that Allah subhanaw taala gives us over here and this is a for Azima. This is the level of nobleness is the highest form of character, which is that when someone does bad than you say, good. When someone treats unfairly, you react
positively. And if you cannot react positively outwardly than what you do, you at least entertain a good thing in your heart a positive thing in your heart. And the best is that you forgive the person for the wrong because you remember, you know what, I've also done many wrong things.
You know, generally what happens is that there are two kinds of people, one are people whom we like, Okay. And then there is another group of people who we don't like, some people are in our good books, and other people are in our bad books. Okay, so what happens is that the person who is in our good books, if they do something bad, generally, what do we do? It's Okay, nevermind, no problem, isn't it? Isn't that how we react generally, but then the person who's in our bad books, if they do something that is wrong, that is bad. And even if it's something very minor, what happens? We don't tolerate it at all. So something is this small, it appears to be like a mountain before us, because
somebody has heard us previously. Now they do something, they say something, we remember everything that had happened in the past. And because of that, we don't want to forgive them. We don't want to forgive them. And everything that has taken place so far, it starts to play in your memory. So at that time, you need to stop that, you need to stop that replay. Okay, and you need to tell yourself, I have also done many wrong things. And you need to make yourself force yourself to give them the benefit of the doubt. You have to force yourself to entertain positive thoughts about them. And this, my dear sisters is better for you. You know why? Because you will be satisfied, you will be at
peace, the person whom you don't like, they come doing their own business, they come and they go, and here you are burning inside, literally burning inside.
And they are fine. They're fine. They're going about happy, or whatever. And they're you are suffering in your pain and your anger and down in your depression. So get out of it. Move on, stop that replay. Don't think again, and again, whatever has happened in the past has happened, ditch it, flush it down the toilet, it's gone. And think about now worry about now and the future. And remember that Allah is our full one. And are the Iran he is pardoning and also fully capable. Let me share a personal story with you.
Somebody wants to manage to convince me to do something. Okay. And I wasn't supposed to do it, they somehow managed me to convince it. And they kind of made me commit to it. Okay. And I gave my commitment.
And then what happened that they said, I'm going to do the work with you, I'm going to do this project with you. And eventually, they left slowly, one excuse after the other, they stopped doing it. And at the end, the whole thing was on me, I had to do the whole thing myself.
Until today, sometimes when I think about that individual, I think look at how they cheated me.
Look at how they made me do the whole thing and look at how they cheated me. They put my name on the paper that I have to do this and this and this and they have to do this and this and this. And they'd never did anything thereafter and the whole thing came upon me. The whole project was left to me the whole entire work was left to me until today. This morning. Only just there thought came to my mind and I was hurt inside my heart. I was hurt till today like I feel that hurt. And this morning only I promised myself that No, I'm not going to think like this about them again. Because this thing happened almost a decade ago. They probably never did it with an evil intention. Maybe
they wanted to do the work as well. And perhaps they read
isn't for getting out of that was genuine. And here I am thinking that they cheated me. They deceived me. They made me commit, and they made excuses and they got out of it. And they left the whole work to me. Till today I am the one who's suffering, I should get out of it.
So the thing is that you have to think positively about other people. Tell yourself that you don't know their intentions. Tell yourself that you don't know about the heart of the person why they did something or why they said something. So when you don't know you should not entertain evil thoughts about them. Because Lahoma cassava, welcome Monica septum, you will have what you earn. So the evil feelings that we keep in our hearts, we have to answer Allah subhanaw taala for them, not the other person.
Also, when we forgive others, and we think good way about others, it feels so good. Yes. And Allah subhanaw taala. Also, he said, In Quran, Ravenna, Allah Chalfie for you, we know
that we should not have any kind of rancor, any kind of hatred for other people in our hearts. Because this is something that imprisons you, you know the word Lille, which is used for the Rancor, the hatred of the heart, Lille is from the same root of love Allah or fetters chains. So when you entertain hatred for someone in your heart, that it's as though you have chained yourself, you have locked yourself. So when you get over it, when you forgive them, then it's as though you have freed yourself, when you will free yourself, you will be happy, you will be at peace, you will be able to move on. But what happens when we don't forgive others, it's as though we have died ourselves. We
have chained ourselves to those miseries. We have chained ourselves to those miseries, unlock yourself, free yourself, and you'll be able to move on and forget the mistakes of others. But who can do this, someone who remembers their own mistakes.
That once you forgiven someone, once you have overcome what they've said to you what they've done to you, then what happens is that you close the doors to many more evils that may come in the future. First of all, you stop yourself from backbiting, right? Second of all, when you have clean your heart, then when you will see them in the future, when you will meet them in the future, you will be on good terms with them.
Because if you have bad feelings in your heart, then what will happen, you will never be able to get along with that individual until you forgive someone, you can never be on good terms with them. Yes, of authority. It's easy to forgive a parent, right? But for them, it's not good you can forgive, but who will correct them. And we have a culture of you know, parents are never wrong. If you tell your parents, you know, this is evil, Allah said not to do this, they get very angry. Okay. So for example, someone is doing something wrong, they're oppressing you, they're harming you. And if you forgive them, if you entertain only positive thoughts about them, then they will continue and
they're wrong. And you will continue to suffer. Right? Or today you are suffering. And tomorrow somebody else will suffer. Now remember, this is basically that, you know, generally like what people say that you will be a pushover and other people will do whatever they want, right? Now remember that there's two kinds of people or there's two kinds of situations one is where when you will speak up, okay? When you will defend, when you will argue, or when you will show to the other their fault, it will actually make a difference. Why? Because they listen to you. Or they might listen to you. They may accept what you're saying, it's worth a shot, it's worth a try. Okay? It
will work. For example, it's a child, they're doing something wrong, you have to discipline them, somebody younger than you, you're doing something wrong, you have to discipline them could be a parent, even they're doing something wrong, and you talk to them and you explain to them, okay, then there is a different situation, which is that no matter what you say, no matter what you do, it's not going to make a difference. Because think about it. If we're not able to change our habits, then how do we expect that because of our anger, somebody will change their habits.
Think about it. How can we expect that because of our lectures and our yelling and our bad words, they will change their bad habits. And sometimes what happens is that no matter what you tell someone, no matter how much you explain to them, no matter how angry you become with them, they don't change. They don't change. So in that case, what's the solution that you live in?
Your misery? What should you do? Accept them the way they are, and deal with it. Deal with it doesn't mean that you should be sad and depressed and crying all the time and talking bad about them all the time. No, it means worry about other things, do something else to keep your busy. Because the person who is a source of negative energy, okay, don't let them make you become a source of negative energy as well. If they are bad, don't let their bad actions make you bad.
That if they're hurting someone, your existence eventually causes other people to get hurt. This is what happens that, for example, when people have problems in their family, right, they don't get over it. And what happens is that they affect their own families in the future with the same problems. Yes.
I remember a long time ago in my life, when I was much younger, and I was more like rebellious, I was not very close to a family member. And I used to think bad thoughts about her. Like, I used to think like, they're like this or like that, and they hate me. And they don't let me do this, and blah, blah, blah. But I don't know, like all it took was a good thought. And from there many, many good thoughts about that person. And now I'm so close to her.
That's all it took. And then it's like the doors of love kind of open. Yes, it happens. It's true for so many people, so many relationships. Because the thing is a child on what he tries to do. One of his tricks is that he causes problems between relationships. Because the thing is that when the relationships are corrupted, then what will happen, a person can never be at peace, He will cry here, you will be depressed here, you'll be sad here we'll be talking about to someone here. He cannot worry about other things he saw, lost in that bad relationship he saw lost in his problem, that he can't think about anything different.
You mentioned two options that you can calm down, or you can get angry at them. I think that the third option would be to take it out on someone else. Like if you get you're extremely angry, you argued with your husband. And then after you just go to work or classes and then after someone drops their pencil under your table, you get irritated and you start yelling at them. And that is also not right. Because that is also Jehovah soup middle call. So either we yell at people who have hurt us who have angered Us, or we take out that anger on other poor innocent people who have nothing to do with that problem. And they're like what happened? Like poor children? Sometimes they don't know
what's what's going on? Like, why is their mom talking the way she's talking? Yes.
Salam Alikum.
There's a generic once there was a gathering and a person came on stage and he cracked a joke. And everyone started laughing like anything. Then he cracked a joke. Again, this like second time, and then half of the people laugh. Then he did is the third time then few people laughed, and he did the fourth time then one or two people laugh. They did the 678 10 time. Everyone was like bored. And everyone was asking like, what are you doing this? So he told me when I cracked the same joke 10 times no one laughed on the 10th time right? Then why do people cry on the same bad incident like 100 times?
This is so true. If you've heard a joke for the first time you will laugh. You'll hear it again. You laugh less, you'll hear it again. And the humor in the laughter will reduce. Right? So why is it that a disaster that happened 10 years ago, every time we think about it, we're crying. And we feel that pain in the heart. And we get filled up with you know, anger against the person who hurt us.
As long as
there's a hadith Rasul Allah, so Islam told us that you should help xylem and Muslim, both
Muslim everybody knows but the solemn was stopping him and advising him and telling him the right way, exactly, that if someone is oppressing, then it's your obligation to go and stop them to advise them. But sometimes what happens is that you advise the oppressor, you seek somebody's help against them, they go and talk to them. And what do their closest family members say? They've always been like this. You can't change them. They've always been like this, then what do you need? You need Allah's help to get out of that situation. And that will take time. Right? It will come when it is do you want it to come immediately. But there's a fixed time for everything. And there's a reason
why you have to go through that suffering. It's a learning experience for you. Always remember when you're hurt by people, and you can't do anything defend yourself. You're trying and doesn't it happen so many women in their marriage are
on their hands of their husbands, or their families, they suffer, they suffer and no matter what they do, they can't get out of it, they try one option after the other, they cannot get out of it. So in this situation, instead of being sad and depressed all the time, they should busy themselves with good things. Okay, do something to occupy themselves, and inshallah soon, Allah subhanho data will create a way out but until that way is made, don't suffer.
In the sense that don't force that suffering upon yourself. Don't force that suffering upon yourself, choose to be happy. And even if you are the most depressed person remember use of Ernest and um, he was locked up in the jail. Can you imagine if somebody takes your freedom away from you, locks you up in a jail, that you can't even go out? Alhamdulillah none of us suffers in that manner today. He suffered in that way. But still, we see that the inmates, the people who were in the prison with him, what did they say to him in Nana locker, we had more singing, we see you have those who do your son, we see you as a very good person. He still did good when he was in the prison. And
he received his prophethood. Also, he said in that time. So no matter what you're suffering from, remember that there is a way out that Allah can make for you. But you have to ask him and you have to do those things which will bring about his help. Remember use of real Islam in the Quran? What do we learn that one of the inmates because of his dream use of our lesson, and he said that you will be freed. Right? So he said to him that mentioned me to your master, when you're free, don't forget to mention my case to your master shaitan made him forget to remember Allah at that time. One of the interpretations is that use of Reddit Sam should not have asked that man,
he should have relied upon Allah alone. And this is what happens with us. We go on talking to this person and that person and this person and that person hoping that somehow from somewhere, somebody will do something and all our problems will go away. No, ask him cry before him, begging him for help. And his help will come. But you have to ask him. So Michael, I think one of the worst things you can do for yourself is to harbor bad thoughts about other people. And then learn this a lot in psychology at university, that when you do that, it's like It's mind over body always. So you're harming yourself. And you might get into depression just by thinking bad things about other people
and constantly keeping that in your mind. And it might lead to anxiety issues in my lead to sleepless nights and my lead to like immune system, which is not working properly. So you're doing that to yourself. So you have to be careful, you have to free yourself of those thoughts. Yes, that it doesn't just affect you mentally, emotionally, but it affects you physically, physically, does it happen to you that somebody says something, and then you take it to heart and then you can't work? You can't do anything.
Just endorse what my sister just said. And medical aid has proven one of my friend is PhD in Clinical Psychology. And she's working in California, the psychologist. And once she's told me that we tell our patients to do therapy, a thought therapy kind of a thing in which we ask them to stop thinking negative, and keep practicing it and in your routine in your lives that whenever some negative thought comes in your mind, you just drop it right there and then start thinking about some pleasant thing or some pleasant hopes. So that's actually works, that replace the bad thought with a good thought I should say now, you know, the suffering that you were talking about, if we think when
we are being suffered, if we think of provinces that I'm that he's the Prophet of Allah and the most beloved by Allah and he was suffered the most. It gives you peace in your heart, right? That if you're not being suffered anything close and also, when you think that Allah only tests people who he loves, then you love your suffering, because you're thinking in your heart that Allah loves me that he chose me out of so many people to be tested. And also I heard a statement I don't know if it's right or wrong, that when you want to, you know, forgive people. I think of that statement that if you want Allah to forgive you, then you should forgive people.
Because he is our full one.
I was just thinking that when someone says something offensive to us, we take it so offensively right and you know, we think about it that okay, you know, forgiving this person. That's the last thing on my list. But I was just thinking about how Abacha de la and he was told that Don't you love that Allah forgives you as well. So forgive and he forgive the person who slandered his daughter accused her of fornication imagine how hurt he must have been. And this person who used to support him financially. Yesterday was watching a webcast
and also Saddam and the section that they did was on his journey to thrive, and how the people kicked him out of the city and threw stones at him. And it was the Speaker he was talking about when Russophone was making dua to Allah. And he was explaining that to our by pardon, and there was one penny explained it was so beautiful that he was saying that racism did not make dua against those people. Rather, he was saying that Allah helped me in my shortcomings and the mistakes that I might have made. So he sort of made to offer himself he never made dua against those people.
Because many times it happens that when we suffer at the hands of other people, it could be because of our own shortcomings because of our own wrong things. I just saw this saying on the inmate High School is it says that positive people don't put others down? I don't think positive people don't put others down. And then like my dad normally tells me just say this like husband alive and Nemo login name and
that alone is sufficient for me, the best protector he is and the best helper he is. So whenever you are suffering at the hands of somebody, don't pity yourself at that time. Rather, ask Allah subhanaw taala has helped over there and forgiving someone who has wronged you. It may seem as though you are humiliating yourself, but remind yourself of this hadith the Prophet sallallahu sallam said no charity shall ever decrease wealth. And Allah will only increase the honor of a servant who forgives others and he who is humble for Allah sake, that Allah will elevate his status. The Prophet sallallahu Sallam also said I guarantee a house in the surroundings of paradise for a man who avoids
quarreling, even if he were in the right, someone who is right. But he avoids the argument for the sake of Allah. Such a person will get a house in the surroundings of paradise. And someone once asked even remotely or on who that how many times should you forgive someone? I mean, there's a limit to how many times you can excuse someone and he said, Forgive them 70 times. Forgive them 70 times once you forgive them 70 times, then think about raising your voice. Recitation lie to him. Or a Jehovah's zoo Emira Lupo only in
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