Suzy Ismail – NJSCBWI keynote 2016
AI: Summary ©
AI: Transcript ©
With the amount of speaking that she's done on diversity in all the
places that she's spoken at. So,
with that being said, Susie Ishmael is the author of several
books and specializes in presenting a range of
communication lectures and diversity workshops at major
corporations, conferences, schools and universities such as Harvard,
Yale, Princeton, and more. She is currently a visiting professor at
Dubrow University and the founder and head communication counselor
at Cornerstone she provides Marriage and Family seminars and
counseling nationally and internationally. Suzy has appeared
on numerous media outlets such as Fox News, BBC PTB, a RT and more.
She resides right here in Princeton, with her husband and
three children.
Thank you so much for that introduction. It's always a
pleasure to be at SC BWI. And I'm excited today to share with you my
journey, and my interest in this field of diversity and writing. So
my story starts quite some time ago, before I was born, actually.
And I promise I won't bore you, I won't tell you my entire
autobiography. We can talk about that later. But
my parents immigrated to this country from Egypt about 45 years
ago.
And when they came to this country, they knew no one. They
didn't know the language. They didn't know the people. But they'd
lost their home in the hopes of finding something different,
something better, something that they could look up to that they
could raise their children. And so they found America, they found New
Jersey.
When my parents first moved here, you know, they had difficult
names, names that were difficult to pronounce, my mother's name is
hiding. And for the longest time, she couldn't understand why when
she was asked, What is your name? And she answered clearly, yeah,
people would say God bless you.
So over the years, as my parents acclimated to society here became
more and more comfortable. My mother dismembered her name,
amputated that and limited it to just the letter, and she became
known as cane.
And this amputation of her name represents a great deal of their
struggle and trying to understand what does it mean to be an
American? What does it mean to assimilate? What does it mean to a
culture? And how do we find our way in this world without losing
who we are, without chopping up our names into bits and pieces
just to get along?
So a few years into their life here in America, they found
themselves expecting their first child. Now my parents went through
a great dilemma. What shall we name this child? So my oldest
sister was born. And they still were really racking their brains,
what name can we give this child that will not give her grief
throughout her life? So there was one woman who had become very
close to my mom, she was kind to her. She she tried to teach her
English, you know, get her to know the area. And she was a
hairdresser. And her name was Nancy. So lo and behold, my sister
was named Nancy after the hairdresser.
And so a year and a half later, I made my debut into the world. And
again, my parents struggled, what should we name her? What should we
name her? And so luckily, Nancy the hairdresser, had bought my
sister Nancy a doll. The dog's name was Susie QT.
And so in the hospital on that day, as my father began to fill
out the birth certificate, of course, being used to the Arabic
language reading from right to left, rather than left to right,
he began to write out my name. QT.
Luckily, the nurse who was overlooking you know, his shoulder
kind of looked over and said, Oh, that's a nice name. Does it mean
something in Arabic? And my father just kind of shook his head and
pointed to the box that my sister used to carry around everywhere
with her. And so the nurse kind of nodded and she said, why don't you
go with Susie instead?
So luckily,
I female Susie, rather than QT.
Now, here's passed on and eventually I became the inheritor
of this amazing doll. Of course, by the time I received it from
Nancy, it looked like this, but it was still very near and dear to my
heart.
Now, I grew up of course, again in suburban New Jersey, trying to
figure out how to fit in, you know, why was I different? I had a
name that was very ordinary, Susie. But still, there was
something different about the way I was growing up different about
the way my family interacted with one another different about the
language that we spoke at home, but
I grew up reading great literary classics, like the Sweet Valley
twins, of course.
And as I devoured these books, I kept thinking, I want to be
Jessica, I want to be Elizabeth. I want to have breakfast and a sunny
Spanish tiled kitchen every morning. I want to eat pancakes
and waffles instead of fava beans that we were eating every day for
breakfast.
And I couldn't understand why, rather than looking like Jessica
and Elizabeth. This is what my sister and I looked like. And you
know, luckily, Nancy, the hairdresser, was still near and
dear to our hearts and favor this boy haircut until we were about in
seventh or eighth grade. And we finally said this has to stop.
But again, we grew up in a culture that stressed the idea of what it
meant to be beautiful. Our time was the time of Cinderella and
Sleeping Beauty. It was before we became introduced to Jasmine and
some of the other princesses.
But I had this dream. And this dream was that one day, I would
wake up and have blond hair and blue eyes. And I held tightly to
that dream, because I thought it could happen.
Of course it didn't.
Nancy, the hairdresser wouldn't allow it. She said that color
would look awful on you.
So you know, we continued our journey and then trying to
acclimate trying to figure things out, as we grew up in New Jersey,
my sister Anna. And it's interesting, because you know, a
few years later, about seven years later, my next sister was born my
third sister. And we see that my parents suddenly began to realize
that it was okay to hold on to a part of their culture. And so they
named my third sister Naveen, which is a cultural name. And they
felt that they were still you know, able to be pronounced in
English. And it worked. It reflected the Egyptian roots a
little bit. Now with my youngest sister who was born when I was 17,
my parents went all out. They named her Rama, which to this day,
she gets the Byzantine and the god bless you as well. And she tells
my parents like you you were doing so well, you know, why did you
stop that Susie?
But again, I think it reflects that ability to understand that
identity doesn't need to be sacrificed in order to fit in,
that you don't need to lose a part of who you are, in order to be a
part of something bigger, something better, something that
needs you as you are.
So as time would have it, you know, the years went by, I entered
into college and of course, our parents had been very specific
with our career choices. We could be a doctor, or a doctor or a
doctor.
That was, so I entered into a seven year medical program. And
that first year in the MediCal program, I received my schedule.
And rather than having a class called Introduction to Biomedical
Ethics, I had a class called Introduction to Communication. And
I remember I looked at my schedule, I was very upset, you
know, what is this? Where's my medical class? And the registrar
at the time said, well, that class folder, but that's okay, take this
class, and it'll count for some of your course. So I said, Okay, I
entered into the classroom on the end lecture hall that first day,
and the professor had a British accent. And you know, everything
sounds better with a British accent as
she started speaking. And I was fascinated. I thought to myself,
people study this, they study what it means when you raise your left
eyebrow, a quarter of an inch over your right eyebrow, they study
what it means when you lean forward rather than leaning back.
And I was thought that day I went home. And I told my parents that I
was no longer going to be a doctor. And that I was going to be
a communication major.
That didn't go over well.
And to this day, my sisters, my three sisters who are all in the
science fields, you know, biomedical engineering, pharmacy,
environmental engineering, my parents will still introduce each
one of us and we'll say Oh, this is the Doctor of Pharmacy, the
doctor of biomedical engineering, the doctor of England,
environmental engineering, and then they come to me and they're
like, we're not sure what she does.
So they're still trying to figure that out.
But time would have it. You know, I graduated college, I met my
husband in our freshman year Arabic class, we married us and
after right after graduating college, and we had a plan, you
know, I thought I'm gonna get my master's and then a year later,
I'll have my first child, then, you know, I'll get my PhD and then
this and that. And you know, as as young people, sometimes we make
these plans, but we don't realize that destiny has something else
written for us. So early on in our marriage, I found that I was
expecting and as much as it kind of threw a wrench in terms of the
path that I was looking towards. We were excited. We were going to
be parents. Soon after, though I miscarried my first pregnancy. And
it was it was difficult, but still more young than hopeful. And we
knew that when it was meant to be it was meant to be
so very soon after I found myself expecting again. And this time, we
had cautious optimism. And I was put on bed rest briefly because of
the difficulty I had in my earlier pregnancy. And during that time, I
was like, What am I going to do with myself? And I complained to
my husband, you know what, I'm used to doing things, what am I
going to do? I have to take time off of work. And my husband said
to me, why don't you write a book? And like, really, when he said,
you, you love books, you're always reading just great one. How hard
can it be?
Like, I got this.
So I thought, and I thought, and I thought back to my childhood, and
I said, I wanted to write the book that I would want my daughter to
read. I wanted to write the book, where my daughter could see
herself in the characters, where she could say, That's me. I don't
need blond hair, I don't need blue eyes, that's me. And of course,
the character would have to be fava beans for breakfast every
day.
And so I began to write, we knew that we were expecting a little
girl, we already had her name picked out Jana, which means
heaven in Arabic. When we thought, you know, we were ready. We picked
up baby clothes, we picked out all sorts of things. And right before
the book was about to be completed, Jana was born early.
But Jenna also died on the day that she was born.
So I went home that day, with my arms empty. But my heart was full
of something. It was full of that feeling that I was going to be a
mother. And I have that full certainty that my family would
begin when the time was right. But the time just wasn't right at that
moment. And as writers, I think we've experienced this many times,
where we think this is it. This is the moment, this is my time. But
maybe the time just isn't right, by then and there.
So I went back home. And as I tried to work through the
understanding of my loss and work through the understanding of the
grief that I was going through, I began to write again.
And so I finished the BFF sisters, and I didn't know what to do with
it. I had no idea what publishing meant, or how you went about doing
it. So I happened to find a book that was lying on my dresser
nearby. And I picked it up and I turned it over. And I saw the name
of a publisher. And so at that time, I think we weren't googling
get, I called for one, one and got the phone number.
And I called this publisher and the receptionist answer. And she
said to me, you know, yes, how can I help you? And I said, Oh, I want
to speak to the publisher. And she said, Who is this? And I said it,
Suzy.
And so she said, Sure. Right away, ma'am. And she put me through. Now
the publisher gets on the phone, and he says, Hey, Soos did you
pick up the dry cleaning and the kids in our software? Don't forget
to
pick up your dry cleaning.
And he's like, Who is this? And I'm like, It's Suzy. And he starts
laughing. And I'm like, What's so funny? And he was like, Well, I
have a new receptionist. And the receptionist was instructed that
no calls get through, unless the call was from his wife. And his
wife's name was Susan. And only she called her Suzy. So when I
said it Suzy, the receptionist assume that I was his wife. So we
had a good laugh about it. And then he got all serious. And he
was like, you know, this is not the way to get published. I know.
But you know, now we have history and your dry cleaner.
And, you know, he kinda like I guess he paused for a minute, he
was like, you know, but just send me what you have. And I'll take a
look. And so I sent him my manuscript. And lo and behold, the
BFF sisters was about to be born not yet about to be born. So he
called me back with the good news. And he gave me the release date
for the book. It was to be September 11 2001.
Now, that was a big day for me, because that was also my due date,
because I was expecting again.
And I was a little panicked. I said, Oh, no, that's my due date.
What are we going to do? And he said, Don't worry, don't worry,
we'll figure it out. You know, even if we release the book, we
have a launch parties later, we'll figure it out when the time comes.
And so my daughter who is now 15, my daughter, Ava, decided to make
an appearance a little bit early. She was born on August 24 of 2001.
Now, during that time, I have been working in the city Standard and
Poor's. And for those of you who know Wall Street, you know that
Standard and Poor's is located directly across from the World
Trade Center. Now, I was out on maternity leave during that time.
And, you know, I was sitting at home on the morning of September
11. And my husband called me and he said turn on the TV. And I said
okay, why I thought there was like an old Seinfeld clip or a friend's
episode he wanted me to watch. So I turned it on and you know, with
my daughter in my arms, I saw the planes going into the buildings.
And I didn't know