Suzy Ismail – #29. AlHakam. The Judge.
AI: Summary ©
The speaker discusses the importance of judging in relationships, particularly when it comes to spousal and children relationships. They explain that judge's actions can cause damage to the relationship, and that it is often difficult to judge in a way that is unfair. The speaker also emphasizes the need for better ways to improve oneself and improve the relationship.
AI: Summary ©
Salam aleikum, it's nice to see you again as we continue to bring
the divine into the daily by understanding how we can
incorporate the characteristics of the 99 names of Allah subhanaw
taala into our daily lives, to improve our relationships with our
spouse and with our children. So the name that we're going to
discuss today is Al Hakim, which means the judge, we know that
Allah subhanaw taala is the most fair of all judges, the Most
Merciful of all judges, the most compassionate of all judges, yet
we as human beings, when we begin to judge, particularly our spouse,
or our children, we find that that form of judging can often be very
unfair. And we do this constantly on a daily basis. Often judging
our spouse may arise from our own insecurities. It may arise from a
place where we have experienced in our own childhoods, or in our own
families, an atmosphere of criticism, you know, there's the
common complaint that we'll often hear from youth in our counseling
center, where they may say, you know, I get a 95 on my test, and
yet I go home, and my parents will say, why didn't you get 100. And
although for many of us growing up, this may have been a method of
encouragement or a method, a system where parents were trying
to push us to do better, in reality, the outcome of that can
cause a great deal of damage to the psyche. And what winds up
happening is, we may implement that same form of criticism, in
the form of judging consistently with our spouse, or with our
children. And so we've talked in the past about how we need to
remember that when we point one finger like this, at some one,
there are three fingers that are pointing back towards us. And
that's an incredibly important element to keep in mind, when we
find ourselves falling into the pitfall of judging. So if we are
constantly criticizing our spouse, so for example, a husband who was
constantly telling the wife, you know, why did you cook this? I
don't like this. Why did you dress like this? I don't like the way
you're dressing. Why are you picking up the child in this way?
Why are you speaking in this way? Why are you doing this, if it's
constantly negative judging, this can also take a huge toll on the
relationship. And vice versa, if the wife kind of escalates or
several jokes all of the time about the idea of nagging. But if
that concept of nagging is actually rooted in a form of
unfair judgment, then that can also take a huge toll on the
relationship, if the wife is constantly pointing out flaws in
the husband's interactions, you know, why did you say this? Why
did you act this way? When my family came over? Why did you
interact with our friends in this way? Why did you make this
statement at work? Why did you do this with the laundry? Why did you
do this in terms of the cooking or the cleaning, and that constant
judgment can lead to someone wanting to shut down emotionally,
and not being able to connect with anyone, we find this reciprocated
in our children as well. If a child wants to come into the
kitchen, for example, and help immediately, many of us, you know,
as moms will react and say, Well, no, I don't want you to make a
mess, you're just going to mess things up, you're going to wind up
having more work to do. This in itself is also a form of judgment.
Now, we're not only critical with our spouse, and with our children,
but we're often very judgmental of each other as well. And this is a
huge flaw in our own math, where we find ourselves pointing fingers
at one another, and assuming the worst rather than the best. And
we're reminded by the Rasulullah, sallAllahu, alayhi wasallam. And
also in the Quran, that the best of us is the one who is able to
maintain in our hearts, no sort of rancor that we do not carry that
feeling of ill will towards our brothers and sisters in Islam,
because we are reminded that the best of us is the ones that are
best to our brothers and sisters that want for our brothers and
sisters, what we want for ourselves. So whether you're a mom
who is caught in the debate of staying at home is better than
working or working is better than staying at home. Whether you're a
father who was caught in the situation of being judgemental
about a friend's car or friend's lifestyle of friends, children,
whether you're a parent who tends to compare and judge children.
Recall that this is not for us to do that Allah subhanaw taala is Al
hakam. He is the fairest of all judges and does not for us to
judge one another. We should look internally and focus on ourselves
and how we can improve ourselves rather than constantly judging
others, whether that's our spouse, our children, or our friends, does
a Komodo hire. And I look forward to speaking to you again in our
next episode as we continue to bring the divine into the daily as
salaam alaikum.