Suleiman Hani – Adapting To Change

			To love
		

			love hamdulillah salatu salam ala Rasulillah. While early he was suffering he woman Wada. I have
some questions for you. But these questions and these discussions, let's, whatever happens here
stays here in this room. So the first question is, how many people are aware of the UFC match that
took place last night?
		

			Three people, four people, okay.
		

			From the parents who are here, how many parents are aware of apps like Snapchat?
		

			12345. Okay.
		

			percentage wise, these are very small percentages, right? So let's say five out of 30. And with the
first we had a few hands for the UFC match, why am I asking this question?
		

			The topic of adapting to change, and this is specifically with parents and children, generation to
generation, one of the most important things and one of the most interesting trends we're seeing,
often times when we grow up in different cultures that our parents and they grew up in different
cultures or environments than their parents, we start seeing, in some cases, in many cases, a lot of
disconnects. And there are many different reasons for that. One of those reasons, and one of the
solutions to the problem of the disconnection between parents and children, is the issue of
awareness. And this is why I started by asking about the match that took place last night. So I
		

			don't expect that we're supposed to watch the match or everyone should have every app that their
child has. But we should be aware to an extent, we should kind of know the trends, the discussions,
the references that are taking place with this generation and the next generation and the next
generation, just so that we are connected with our children.
		

			Because there are many struggles that go unnoticed by many parents are many struggles that youth are
going through. And they are getting more difficult with every generation, they are becoming more a
morally or morally problematic, as we get closer to the day of judgments. And if we're not connected
to an extent, then it's going to lead to some problems. And often times the issue of awareness is
one of the greatest solutions to these problems. And it's a starting foundation.
		

			Many parents perhaps are not even aware of some of the struggles that their children are going
through. And when I say children, perhaps the older children, those who are in their teenage years,
often times because of a lack of awareness, they're no longer going to express or discuss some of
the sensitive issues that they're experiencing in society that they're reading about online that
they're hearing about in popular cultural references, and they are very common. And we have to have
and this will be a transition into another point, we have to have some kind of bridge so that we are
able to become more aware of what it is that's happening. Learn what your youth are going through,
		

			learn about to an extent what the culture is talking about, learn about the struggles that they're
having the ideas, the doubts, the cultural impact, because every environment is going to have its
own set of circumstances, every environment will lead to its own types of struggles. And when we see
the trends that we're seeing now, it's more important now than ever to be aware, it's more important
now than ever, to have an open dialogue with our children without them feeling like everything they
raised on a discussion will be criticized or ignored or put down rather, so that we could understand
and be more aware of what it is that they're going through. Another point to keep in mind is that in
		

			general, we want to be connected with our local massage in our local mosques, not just with the
programming schedules, not just with the activities where we can, you know, have them our children,
our youth attend an Aleve, know, we want to know what's happening as well. We want to know what
kinds of things are being addressed so that we are more connected. And this could be through the
route of the machine or through the youth themselves. I asked two days ago, a lecture on smartphone
addiction. I asked the question that I think will probably impact
		

			Door is relevant to everyone here. If you have a smartphone, how many times a day do you think you
check your smartphone? And you want
		

			all the time?
		

			And the numbers, anybody want to throw that number? Three times the entire day? That's its, is it a
smartphone? That's amazing. I've never heard that before. I don't know how you do that. That's just
that's phenomenal. It's mind blowing.
		

			And have any other numbers that are a little more reasonable?
		

			All the time. Okay. So 100 200 Maybe. So you might not have an exact number other than three
Mashallah.
		

			But there are studies and surveys. For example, a survey from two years ago, 10,000 people responded
to this American owners of smartphones, right random people, on average, most people check their
smartphone, according to this survey, about 150 times a day. And when we say
		

			check your smartphone, this is in accordance with what everyone just said all of the time. 150 is
actually not a lot per hour, we are probably checking the time the notification is the call, every
time it vibrates, we're checking our smartphones, often, some of us except three times a day, in
general. And of course, we have people on the higher end of the spectrum, and people much lower on
the end of the spectrum, Mashallah. But when we talk about the usage of smartphones, and what they
become, for us, they are pretty much everything for us. I mean, they contain so many things, they've
replaced so many technologies and resources and tools that we become dependent upon them. And
		

			because we are so connected with our smartphones, to the extent that many people you know, they
leave their homes, and then around the block, they realize, wait, I forgot my phone, their heart
drops, they go back home, and they gotta get their phones, right, somebody's traveling or out
somewhere, and then they realize that phone is lost or stolen, what happens, your heart drops, your
phone is everything, right? Some people to the extent they're holding their phone in their hand,
they're like, where's my phone.
		

			And when we talk about this dependency on smartphones, and how often we aren't connected with them,
it gives us some insight into not just our behavior, but the world around us, and especially our
children. Because if we are seeing the evolution of smartphones at an older age, where we already
have some kind of habits that are established in life, we have to realize the impact on our children
is going to be very different if they're growing up. And the standard is that, let's say addiction
or dependency, it's going to be a very different perception or attachment to smartphones. And the
reason I'm bringing this up is that we are so connected with checking our phones throughout the day,
		

			seven, three times a day with a disclaimer,
		

			that we don't have time to realize that this is in terms of quantity, this is something that should
establish or give some establishment of a connection with our children, we should utilize that
heartbeat or 150 times a day, to think about how often we are connected with what's happening in our
children's lives. And I'm not talking about the younger children, because they're generally more
open and dependent on their parents. I'm talking specifically about the teenagers. And this is the
age in life in which many students or many teenagers will feel will start to feel more of an
individualism, or a type of disconnect from their parents, where they are building themselves. And
		

			there are many things that their parents are no longer able to relate to, or are able to understand
or even bother to understand in some cases. And so the reason I bring this up, is because when
there's a severe disconnect, it could lead to bad consequences. And it does in many cases, and I
don't say this, to sound like someone who's basically preaching some kind of fear. But this is the
reality on the ground. When we're dealing with the youth all the time. These are issues that are
happening constantly and consistently. They are dealing with many things that they feel when you
ask, Do your parents normally say there is no way on earth? My parents know there's no way they
		

			would know or want to know, there's no way they'll even ask. There's no way they'll be open about me
discussing this issue, what I'm struggling with what's happening at school, what's happening in
society, and if they feel disconnected from their parents, or their foundations at home, and then
generally they're struggling with other issues, or they have bad companionship or bad environments.
It could lead to a bad ending, and Hamdulillah we have many good examples. And just here at this
conference, I actually was so moved yesterday to see the number of youth who are here volunteering
and working together for something that is great. And we ask a lot to reward them and to preserve
		

			them among the army.
		

			And we also have very sad cases. And I mentioned this example. And I mentioned it again, and again,
as a reminder about a young brother 20 or 21 years old, from the country of Ireland.
		

			Several years ago, some brothers would go hiking in the mountains. And it was a survivalist type of
experience. You don't have anything with your resources, except what nature provides, it was very
rough. And they would go every year. And it was a nice experience for the brothers to bond.
		

			During one of the experiences, I believe, when I was told the story was three years ago, and then
happened a few years earlier. So approximately five or six years ago, one of the brothers who was at
this experience or hiking in the mountains, he slipped, and he fell in something punctured his body,
and he started bleeding out. And as he's bleeding out, they're putting pressure on the wound. They
don't really know what to do. There's no cell phone reception, like here in the basement, there's no
cell phone reception. And none of them are actually trained on what to do. None of them have any
kind of certification or license. None of them are physicians, they don't know what to do. And the
		

			brothers bleeding out. He's 2021 years old. And as their surrounding him trying to help trying to
comfort saying everything will be okay, you'll be fine. They don't really know that he'll be fine.
The organizer, the one who's telling me this, he said, I started worrying, even though we're
comforting him. What if he actually dies? Right?
		

			What if this youth dies in our arms?
		

			So they said just in case as they're waiting for help, just in case, say law in law?
		

			And he's fully conscious and aware. And they asked him, can you hear us? He says, yes, they said
then just in case, say NA EDA is
		

			a phrase that is so light that it does not require the lips to move, either in the wind, or some of
you just tried it out. The
		

			no response. They said, Bro, can you hear us? He said, Yes, I can hear you. They said just in case
Sita in other in the logistic case, say it.
		

			La ilaha illallah wa say it.
		

			No response.
		

			And finally he opens his mouth. And he says, for the last six months, when I was alone in private, I
didn't pray a simple prayer to Allah. And then he died. May Allah subhanaw taala use it as a lesson
for others. His friends who are around him started crying, not just because their friend died in
their arms, a severe experience in and of itself. They were crying because at the moment of his
death, he was not able to say that, you know, no one,
		

			despite them thinking for the last a year or two of his life, that he was just like any one of them.
		

			And that there was no issue, there was no struggle, there was nothing happening until the stories
story started coming out until they started piecing the pieces together. And realizing that for the
last part of his life, he was completely isolated, he was depressed. And nobody was addressing, his
parents were completely unaware oblivious, of what it is that he was experiencing, despite the fact
that they saw them every single day. And this slowly led to him leaving his soil. And of course, in
front of others, he prayed, and alone, he would fast. And nobody will address the fact that he was
completely isolated. And going through the struggles, without any feeling that there's someone there
		

			to support him or help him overcome his problems. Now, of course, this is considered a sad scenario,
no doubt, may Allah have mercy on him, his friend said, we'll never leave in prayer, God will never
leave an obligation. Again, this is life changing beyond life changing of experiences. And they're
passing this on to benefit other people, by passing this on right now, in this context on this
topic, as a reminder for parents, and I know that many parents of hamdulillah are already very aware
of what's happening, they are already very aware of the struggles that the youth are going through.
But if you're not, this is a gentle reminder. Because we're likely the struggles are increasing. And
		

			if children feel like the crux of their life, their own parents cannot be cannot relate to what
they're going through or be aware of, or be overly critical, then it's going to potentially lead to
more problems. And we don't want that. And so this is a reminder of the importance of awareness. So
as a very practical type of takeaway with this point, connect, connect, connect with the culture as
much as you can. Just to understand what it is that's happening around us, become more
		

			We are of what the youth are discussing, become more aware of the cultural references, even though
some of the things are just constantly changing, the trends are rising and falling all the time.
Some of them are ridiculous, and so on and so forth. But to an extent, let us connect and be aware
of what it is that they're going through. And this transition transitions us to the second point. So
number one is awareness, awareness, awareness. Number two is communication. A very straightforward
and very obvious point of concern for many youth in that they feel they cannot talk to their
parents. After a certain point, there are things we can no longer say, there are things we cannot
		

			discuss. Because when we bring them up with our parents, they completely flip out, they completely
lose their minds and completely criticize us, and so on and so forth. There are no doubt many things
to criticize. But if our children feel like there is no open source or room for dialogue from
communication, then no doubt they're going to become more isolated. They're going to become more
reserved. If we are not allowing them to discuss what it is that they're going through and try to
guide them through it. Yes, at times, they will make mistakes. Yes, at times, they'll have different
views on many things, no doubt. But if we don't allow them to communicate with us, and we don't get
		

			them a feeling a sense of trust in their intellect, as they develop, then they are going to become
more cut off. And so we need to have open sources of communication. Oftentimes, it's as simple as
frequent communication. How are you what's going on? Did you hear about this thing that happened? Do
you hear about that, and so on and so forth.
		

			Did you hear about the match that took place last night, in which had been a Muslim fighter is now
undefeated, beat the person who insulted his religion. I asked again, because more people walked in
how many people here are aware of the fight that took place last night, the UFC fight?
		

			To two extra rounds, maybe more people raise their hands after I mentioned that.
		

			One of the nicest things we can do is to express, I say this based on psychological studies, as an
advice, especially to the fathers. Because mothers in general will express their emotions to the
children, I love you, and so on and so forth. If not, and of course, this is no doubt a reminder for
everyone. But a lot of studies show it's not my opinion, a lot of studies show that fathers in
general are less expressive of their emotions toward towards their children. And this could have a
problematic impact. Now, when we look at the life of the prophet Sallallahu, it was send them every
time we hear his blessing named Solomon Lombardi he was sending them, we see that he expressed his
		

			love often, he expressed his compassion and his mercy. If our children feel like there is no two way
communication emotionally, then the dialogue will also stop. And sometimes it's as simple as sending
a text message to your teenage son or daughter, I'm proud of you at a random time, even now, but we
don't have reception now. at a random time, I proud of you, or the children to your parents, I love
you. I appreciate all that you've done, and so on and so forth. Now, I hope I would hope that most
people would agree on a daily basis, if you randomly received a message from a loved one. I love
you. Now, some people are so accustomed to it, that they'll start freaking out. are they dying?
		

			What's happening? Let me call them. Because we do this experiment in many classes and workshops,
texts, a loved one, I love you. And that's it. We had a sister once so many people will text their
parents, I love you. And her mother responded, don't forget to bring the eggs and the milk when you
come home.
		

			MashAllah very good relationship. Communication is key. Communication is very important emotionally,
and through dialogue through text in person, and so on and so forth. And then the third reminder
cello as I finished this last minute and 40 seconds. So we have awareness, communication, and then
the religious issue, what is the religious issue, this is something we'll address more in depth
later when we talk about religion versus culture. But very briefly, to summarize, it's important
that when we are becoming aware of what's happening, and we are trying to adapt to this change, that
we are not reacting quickly from a cultural perspective. So if you see a trend, that is let's say,
		

			the youth are doing something and it's not haram, but culturally it seems very weird, or it seems
stigmatized or it's something that is problematic from a cultural perspective, but not the religion,
that we have to ground our dialogue with our children based on the religion and that is a very
important point relating to adapting to change, that we understand and distinguish when this is a
religious issue and when this is personal preference based on culture, because culture cannot be
imposed.
		

			to our children, culture cannot be imposed on your spouse or your relatives or anyone. Culture is
something that affects you based on your environment and your upbringing. And if our children are
growing up in a different environment than they do have a different culture, culture is a very
complex thing. It is a combination of many different experiences. It is a melting pot of what
they're experiencing in life and in their surroundings. And we have to distinguish the religion from
the culture so that we are able to adapt to some of the things that our children are experiencing.
So again, we try to raise more awareness, we try to communicate as much as possible with our
		

			children and children with our parents. And then, of course, most importantly, to distinguish in
these trends that are happening and changing around us the things that are religious and the things
that are cultural, whereas Allah subhanaw taala, to bless our families and to preserve us and to
grant us all the best of this life that the next and we ask Allah subhanaw taala to unite between
our hearts and to allow us to have very cohesive, harmonious families. We'll study down Marlon
Mohammed while he was talking he was said Mr. Lincoln, was ye