Suhaib Webb – Hard Decisions Making Istikhara
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AI: Transcript ©
To the first
dua that we'll go through and the next
week we'll go through
the dua's to be said for anxiety,
stress,
for depression and sadness.
And I think it's really beautiful that in
all 6 books of the sunan,
the major 6 books, you find a chapter
on what the prophet said when he was
anxious.
Like subhanAllah, that makes the prophet so much
more beloved to me.
Because someone
tells us like, well, if you feel anxious
your iman is weak or like someone tells
us if you feel down, it means, like,
you're not a a very religious person. But,
SubhanAllah,
Sayna Anas, if nomadic says
when something would bother the prophet
when something would disturb him,
he would make these duas
So we'll unpack those next week Insha'Allah.
Today though, we're going to talk about another
subject that someone
likes to talk about a lot and that's
Alistikara.
The word istikhara
means
to ask someone to choose what's best for
you.
So when I say astaghirok,
it means like, I have two choices.
I'm asking you to choose for me.
Or something that's not clear.
And the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam, there's, like,
really beautiful narrations
about this prayer that we make.
He said, you know, from the pleasure
from the pleasure of Ibni Adam
is kafra to Stikhara. Like something that
brings people happiness
is that they make a Stikhara a lot.
And he said
Adam, and from something that upsets people or
brings them a sense of sadness or regret
is that they talk istikhara,
like they left making istikhara.
And that hadith is a good hadith.
And the prophet he said, like,
like the person who
who makes
will never have regrets.
Could mean in the hereafter. Right?
And the person who makes istishara, like talks
with people and consults,
will also never have regrets.
How important is istikhara?
You know, the hadith of Jabir
ibn Abdi lahi.
He said
Quran.
He said like the prophet taught us istikhara
like he taught us a chapter of the
Quran.
So let's talk about this,
this incredible supplication, and then tomorrow,
if you're signed up, we'll send you,
the
transliterization that will help you inshallah. And we're
gonna answer some questions that people tend to
ask
about the stikhara.
We ask Allah
to put barakah and hayr insha'Allah in our
efforts.
So
we know that this is so important because
this dua contains 2 components,
the salah and the dua.
And if you think about it, that's like
really unique.
We have like 3 types of dua,
dua that are coupled with 2 rakat.
Number 1 is what's called salatatahtobah.
Prophet said whoever commits a major sin
and a short time later prays 2 rakah,
and then they ask Allah to forgive them,
Allah
will forgive them.
The second is what's called salatulhaja,
when we have a need,
like you were saying sister earlier, trying to
like accomplish something really important.
So we pray 2 raka and then we
make dua.
We also have where
we actually make the dua in the prayer
for rain, for example.
And then also we have
we pray 2 rakat
and then we make dua.
Someone has told sisters,
someone with a capital
letter mister someone or missus someone,
that when you're menstruating
you can't make istikhara
because you can't pray the true rakat.
Again, hit mute
on someone. Because the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa
sallam, he said in the sound
Whatever I commanded you, do it as best
you can.
Means
mental ability,
emotional ability and physical ability.
And when one of those is compromised,
then the command can change.
For example,
we're commanded to pray standing,
but if somebody can't stand when they pray,
the prophet said they can what?
They can sit. This is an example of
this axiom.
Commands are based on ability. It's one of
the foundational axioms of our religion. SubhanAllah.
Inshallah, we may do in the summer because
I'm gonna be here
4 or 5 weekend session on the 40
hadith of Anawi with Ijazah with Sanad back
to say Anawi. And this is one of
the hadith in that 40 hadith book. It's
like so important
in framing how I live my life as
a Muslim.
So for example, you're on a plane, you're
going to LA or you're coming from LA,
you gotta pray.
But you know if you stand up and
pray, if you're me, that ain't happening because
you're not in like business class. You're back,
you know, in the peanut section. Right?
So, there's not enough room, so how am
I gonna pray on the plane?
If I know this axiom, I'm gonna do
my best. I'm gonna make wudu, I'm gonna
sit in the chair, I'm gonna pray.
Sometimes people say that they're out with their
children
and
they're the only parent with their child
and they gotta
pray. So like, I'm scared, like, if I
leave my kids
at Alby Square Mall back in the days
in Brooklyn.
If you know what that mall is you
should repent.
Right? It's a long time ago,
but
you know, I couldn't
like just drop my kids and pray.
So, here you can join the prayers according
to the Malekis and the Hamblis. Why?
Commands based on ability.
So this axiom like permeates
everything in our deen.
Every command.
So if we were to take this axiom
now, let's say, a woman has to make
a very serious decision,
but she's not able to pray
to raka,
can she still make the dua?
Based on that axiom, what's your answer?
Of course, man.
I met so many people, people told them
don't make istikhara, like, don't make istikhara.
No, you're gonna do your best with whatever
you can do.
People have also
told me, especially converts, like, people told them
you can't make a stikhara because you don't
speak Arabic. Well,
so I I asked them, does that person
does someone speak Arabic?
Or does someone read Arabic?
They're like, yeah, I actually asked someone,
and someone told me they themselves don't read
it. Well, then now they're still gotta accept
it.
We should always
give people answers
that open the relationship with Allah.
Not close the relationship with Allah. Based on
ability.
So Jabari, he said that the prophet sallallahu
alaihi wasallam said
that the prophet
The prophet used to teach us to make
istikhara in every situation.
We're gonna talk about that quickly though. You
don't make istikhara for a farb.
Like, you know, I don't know. Should I
pray fajr or not? Let me make istikhara.
I'm going to bed.
This has been real.
Secondly, we don't make istikhara for the sunan.
Istikhara
is made
in issues that are permissible,
but were not clear.
Like there's not clarity.
So, should I take this job or that
job? Should I move to this city or
not? Should I marry this person or not?
Should, you know,
I buy this or that? That's where istikhara
comes in. So it's really important to remember
this.
That generally istikhara is not made in good
things.
So for example,
one time my teacher he's like, can you
give the khutbah tomorrow? I was like, I
need to make istikhara. He's like, no no.
You don't make istikhara on this like this
is something that's
Right? I was like, oh, okay. I just
don't wanna do it.
2nd is like the sunnah. Like, you know,
I don't know, should I fast the 6
days of shawel? I don't know, let me
make it stikhara.
That's not where we make it stikhara.
Similarly, also
with the forbidden.
Like, should I,
like, you know,
I don't know, whatever.
Do something like super heinous or not? Let
me make istikhara.
There's no istikhara in the haram because the
the foundation of haram is ataq,
is to avoid it, to leave it. Of
course, if someone was stuck between a rock
and a hard place,
between Daenerys
or being the king of the North. Right?
Maybe that's the situation
where you would make istikhara with the haram.
Okay? I'll watch a clean version.
Look, I made istikhara.
But the point I'm trying to make is,
like,
rarely and that sometimes happens with people who
are new to Islam, like, should I do
this or that? Which one is the lesser
of the problem?
But usually we're not making a tikhadah for
like, should I go clubbing or should I
go smoke weed with my friends? Let me
make a tikhadah. Okay.
Well, I guess he's blessed now. Come on.
Come on. Don't play with a din.
Don't play with a din. And also the
Makru. But sometimes we need to engage in
the Makru.
For example, if you have to go to
an office party and they're serving alcohol at
the office party. According to the majority of
scholars, it's Makru to be there. But you
know, it's your job, so you
So those are the type of situations that
would need to be unpacked.
But in general,
we make lis tikhara
about permissible things
which we're confused about.
So next time someone asks you, hey, like,
you wanna go listen to Sheikh Ahmed Soleiman?
Let me make Istikhara. That's not why you
make Istikhara.
That's kair.
There's Fada'il there.
So when he says that the prophet taught
us istikhara in all affairs, what he meant
are the permissible things.
Not things for which there's a clear ruling
or there's a clear virtue mentioned in the
text.
And he said that the prophet said
meaning that if you find yourself
taking a situation very seriously
or something's bothering you
or you wanna set out to do something,
You should pray Turaka.
Does it mean you should just make Turaka?
Like if we're hyperlittlest.
Right? If you're to read this hadith literally,
would mean to do it?
Just make
Alright, I made what's up?
But what does it actually mean?
Salah. But why would the prophet mention
Because ruku is one important components of salah.
Why does Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala sometimes mention
sujood? Wasjud?
Because sujood
is one of the more important components of
salah.
But then also why does Allah subhanahu waqumu
lillahiqaaniteen?
Mention standing in prayer. Because standing in prayer
is one of the what?
More important components of salah. And also Allah
mentions reading the Quran in salah and making
dhikr in salah. So here's my question.
This is unique to salah by the way.
In Arabic, if you wanna show something's really
important,
you isolate
a a a particular of it. If you
wanna show that particular is important.
So for example,
you know, like, if you wanna emphasize like,
sorry to give this example for my Knicks
fans, Kyrie and the Celtics.
Right? Or KD and the Warriors.
Like why do they mention KD in isolation
to show how important he is to the
universal?
Same thing in Arabic. Why is the prophet
mentioned the ruku?
To show that in the universal for our
lawyers, you're gonna love this, the universal of
salah is beautiful,
but this particular is really important.
So you see what's happening in Arabic? So
the prophet says,
but my question is, every aspect of salah
this happens.
Sometimes the Prophet mentions standing, sometimes he mentioned
ruku, sometimes he mentions sujood, sometimes he mentioned
reciting the Quran,
sometimes he mentioned remembering Allah. This happens also
in the Quran as if to say every
single component of salah is important.
In itself.
So he said salallahu alaihi wasallam
They should pray 2 rakah
outside of the fard prayers.
And he said, then the person should say,
meaning
they finish the prayer, they pray Turaka if
they can
and then
they make dua.
So they begin by praising Allah,
sending peace upon the prophet salallahu alaihi wa
sallam.
And then he says they should say, Allahumma.
Allahumma is translated as oh God.
But Allahumma
actually,
if you if you look at it, at
the end of it is this me, mmm,
Allahumma.
In Arabic, if I wanna talk to one
person, how do I address them?
I say what?
You.
But if I want to talk to a
group of people, what do I say?
And tum, meem
in in its its pattern as an as
a as it's used in Arabic,
meem oftentimes
signifies
plurality.
Remember this, it's really beautiful. So,
anta is you. Entum,
all of you.
Or hea, she or he. But if I
wanna say they, what do I say?
So you see this pattern. Always,
usually signifies
plurality.
So when I say, Allahumma,
that means I'm asking Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
by all of his names and attributes.
It's called Mi Mujama.
It's, like, so beautiful, man.
So when I say Allah,
I'm calling on Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
by all of the names and attributes I
know and don't know,
of course, infinity.
So the person says, Allahumma,
oh Allah. Indeed I seek
your choice for me
in what's good.
And I do so
with your knowledge.
And I seek your power
to
give me the ability either to accomplish the
task
or to stay away from the task.
So I seek the power and the ability
and agency through your power.
And I ask you from your blessings, your
great blessings, your infinite blessings.
Because you have authority. And here here we
see a pattern in dua
to recognize Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala's transcendence and
then to ask him by that transcendent quality.
So
And then I ask.
So recognition of Allah, recognition of myself.
You have the power, I don't have the
power.
You know, I don't know.
So I seek your help with my agency.
Because true power only rest in your hands.
I don't have any true power, any true
agency.
And you know all things, and I don't
know all things.
And you know the unseen.
Meaning, what's unseen to me, what's unknown to
me. There's no unknown to God.
So the the the supplication
opens up by the acknowledgement of Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala's transcendence,
the acknowledgments
of our weaknesses,
and then asking Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
to give us the power
and the knowledge
and the ability
to be successful.
And then, oh, Allah.
And and this is something nice, like, you
could have just said, insulam
an nahathal amra, besil Allah. Again, it's repeated.
Oh Allah.
The feeling here is humility.
Need and reliance.
If it's in your knowledge that this issue,
and then the person says it. And again,
you can say it in any language.
Right? So,
you know, to take this job or
to marry this person,
to make this important decision.
Is good for me
in my religion
in my livelihood.
In my ending.
As though our entire life was encapsulated in
like 4 words.
Deen, dunya, akhira.
And notice subhanAllah, how this runs in opposition
to the secular paradigm,
which is if it's just good for my
deen,
my dunya.
Or for people who framed religion as rahbehaniyah,
like no no relationship to dunya.
But here it says,
my life.
As those
like as though this is capturing that beautiful
dua that we're gonna talk about later, my
lord give me good in this life and
the hereafter.
In that moment you say what it is.
Is good, lead,
and beneficial for me.
In my life,
in my deen
in my livelihood
hereafter.
Then give me the agency to achieve it.
Decree it for me.
Make it easy for me. Facilitate it for
me.
And then bless it for me. Put blessings
in
in
it.
And if you know that this affair,
is bad
for my faith
and my livelihood
and my hereafter.
And take it away from me.
And take me away from it.
And then decree for me good.
Here it could also mean decree for me
a sense of
with your decision. Like
give me a sense of of contentment with
it.
And then give me that happiness and that
contentment with your decision.
This is like a really really powerful dua,
man.
And it's
super important,
but there's a few points that we'll make
and then and then we'll finish insha'allahu
ta'ala.
The first is that
someone
tends to tell people, like, after you make
this dua,
you have to see a dream.
I know they recently named the street after
Biggie
in Brooklyn. It was all a dream. I
get it. But it was all a dream,
doesn't work with the Stikhara.
First of all, because we don't believe that
rulings can be taken from dreams.
This is one of the foundational principles of
our also.
Because like, if that was the case, the
world would be chaos.
Like if we all functioned on our dreams,
it will be
chaos.
But then people say, but the prophet said
that dreams are a 6th to prophethood, a
4th to prophethood. There's different narrations from Bukhari.
Now
the narration says like a part of prophethood.
But
what that means is if I dream something
and then later on it happens,
it's been verified in that way.
Because the prophet he would see a dream
and then it would what?
It would happen.
Alaihi salatu as salam before he was a
prophet.
So no one should like we make istikhara
and then wait for a dream.
And oftentimes I've seen people make really crucially
crucial bad decisions on this. They'll be like,
well, you know, I made a
I saw this person eating
German chocolate
and I hate German chocolate,
so I ended it.
I'm so lonely.
Now, I eat my vanilla ice cream by
myself.
Right?
I'm not being cynical, but I've seen this
happen. It's like upsetting. Right?
More important than any dream.
And that's why it's called is
to try,
to make
effort.
So, the person needs German chocolate,
you like,
I don't know man, banana fudge.
Go to a marriage therapist
and see if you can work through
banana fudge
and German chocolate. Maybe German chocolate is good
for you.
Do you wanna marry yourself?
No. Seriously, I tell people that, like, you
wanna marry
you?
If you say, yes.
Let's stay alone.
Right? But the point is,
those dreams,
we should not give them as much attention
as we give the actual investment and effort
in investigation.
So, put in
work. Get to know the person. Get to
know the situation. Get to know the job.
Understand the city that you may be asked
to move to. Like, have some kind of
tangible empirical experience
that should be the foundation.
Now, of course, if you see like Sayedina
Muhammad in your dream saying,
no, don't. You'll go to *. Okay. Then
we can have a conversation.
But usually it's a very ambiguous
dream.
Right? Like I was a Liverpool fan, and
I saw the person wearing a Manchester, you
know, jersey,
so I ended
it. Why?
Right?
That kind of decision
is a mess.
The second thing is, no holy person should
be making istikhara
for you.
Or your parents, or your brother, or
someone online. I don't know. Whoever we met.
Right?
Istikhara has to be done by you.
And I worry sometimes, recently someone asked me
this question, like I asked someone,
you know, they told me they'll make lis
tikhara for me.
How?
Right?
I I worry sometimes that we rest our
community between
a sense of
like intimidation,
immuting of personal agency,
and then just like absolute freedom.
There's a balance. Right?
But ultimately, you should be making decisions for
yourself
in consultation with your family or friends.
I tell my daughter when she asked me
to make decisions for her, I said baby,
I'm salt on the food.
But you're the lemna.
You're the meat. I'm the salt. She's like,
I don't like a lot of salt. Exactly.
Just
sprinkle baba,
then okay.
She's like, but I I I was like,
yeah, I want you to learn
how to make decisions.
Like, I want to trust you and if
you fail,
I'll
pick you up.
If you fail really bad,
don't call me.
Right? But the point is, and I understand
that's not unfortunately how things play out. We
have to really encourage parents to be advisors
and not supervisors, man.
But ultimately,
it has to come from you.
The third thing is, and I mentioned this
a second ago, is make effort. So I'm
gonna take this job or that job. I'm
gonna move to Staten Island, I'm a move
to Long Island.
Right? Let me research,
let me understand, and then let me see,
like, which one is best for me? Like,
what's gonna make me internally internally happy,
externally happy,
and think about the 3 things mentioned in
the dua. It's good for my deen, it's
good for my dunya, it's good for my
akhirah. That's the 3, that's why the prophet
mentioned them. That should be how I measure
it. What are what are the those things
that are gonna help me achieve that
in a way that fulfills me? Then that
should be what pushes me to make the
decision.
The last point that we'll make is sometimes
people
try
and things don't work out.
Or sometimes we may feel like that was
my lis tehada, but, like,
it wasn't good for me. I've had that
experience myself.
And I
It's not easy.
Right? It's it's it's We live in an
age now where it's easy to come become
bitter with God.
It's a conversation like, how do we talk
about healing as a community spiritually? Like, there's
a lot of anger unfortunately. That's what postmodernity
makes people mad.
And then takes the the bottom out from
under them. So they have nothing to hold
on to.
And that's why, you know, people start to
lose sometimes their spiritual grip.
I'm gonna say this, and I know it
sounds kind of I don't wanna be
like, patronizing, but give it time.
There were things that happened to me early
on in my life that I was really
upset about.
But then as I got older, I was
like, you know what? That taught me a
lot about things that I didn't know were
in front of me.
We we use this quote a lot from
from The Hobbit. Right? It's from The Lord
of Rings. All who wonder aren't lost.
Right? Sometimes pain actually later on in life
comes back to help us.
Sometimes difficult moments allow us to be better
people. It's just it's true.
So don't close the chapter till the chapter
is closed.
You know, subhanAllah, how my wife and I
met. My wife and I met through the
same matchmaker
because we were both like, we're done.
I'm going to live the life of a
monk
and move to Brooklyn
and eat kale
and do Tabata
till I die.
And my wife was like, I'm done.
Same matchmaker. Right? It's our friend. We're talking
to her and I was like, I'm so
done. Muslims are crazy. They're Baqwas. Excuse me.
They're so bad. I'm finished. And my wife
was the same. And then she calls me.
I found the perfect person for you. You.
Who is she? She's just like you.
Banana Fudge?
Right?
No, man. That cookie butter from Trader Joe's.
Right? Great post workout snack.
But, the point was,
we have both been through things that, you
know, rocked us in our histories.
Right? But ultimately,
found each other through that shared,
difficulty.
So sometimes give that trauma time
to take you somewhere.