Sikander Hashmi – Team Family KMA Friday Message
AI: Summary ©
The speaker discusses the primary responsibility for nurturing family members, which lies on the wife, who gives a chance to fulfill her duty and nurture family members with a commitment to her well being. The speaker also emphasizes the importance of nurturing family members and managing the household, which lies on the wife, who gives a chance to fulfill her duty. The speaker also highlights the importance of parenting family members, nurturing family members, and managing the household, which lies on the wife, who gives a chance to fulfill her duty. The speaker concludes that the primary responsibility for nurturing family members lies on the wife, who gives a chance to fulfill her duty.
AI: Summary ©
Respected elders, dear brothers and sisters,
my young friends,
There is no question
that our religion
is a complete way of life,
which places great importance
on the family and family bonds.
When we think of sports, of course, the
Olympics are going on, the Super Bowl just
took place,
and there's other sports as well.
Individual players
of team sports
or the coaches, the general managers,
they cannot advance and succeed in their sports
without teams.
If they were all just individually competing in
a team sport, of course,
it wouldn't work.
Right? You need to have a full team
with the coach, with the GM, with the
goalie, with
the forwards, with the different positions in order
for a team to be successful.
And similarly, you need different types of people
with different skills in order for that team
to be successful.
If everyone on the team is a goalie,
how is it gonna
work? Right? Or if everyone is skilled in
scoring goals,
but is does not have the skills to
make saves.
In goals such in sports such as soccer,
right, hockey,
it's not gonna work.
Right? So you need people with different skills,
and similarly with every other time of type
of team that you have, you know, whether
it's at work
or at school for a project,
you need people
with different skills
in order for a team to be successful
in achieving its goal.
Similarly, human beings
cannot
properly succeed
and advance in life without families.
Because Allah
has created us in that way.
That we need the support of a family
in order to reach our full potential
in every way.
And families cannot succeed and advance properly
without having a positive connection to religion and
spirituality.
Just like if there's a team that's not
part of a league, you have a great
team, a great players, great people,
but you're not part of a league. You're
not part of any system.
You're not gonna win any championships.
Right? You're not gonna get ahead because you're
not part of
any system that allows you to move ahead.
So similarly,
families need to be connected,
have to have a positive connection to religion
and spirituality
in order to move ahead in terms of
reaching their full potentials.
One of the beauties of being a believer,
my brothers and sisters,
is that you know you have a purpose.
You have a role to play.
You are not there without guidance. You're not
there without meaning.
Allah
has given each one of us
a role to play,
has given us something to offer.
We have meaning
in our existence and our life.
And we have also been given guidelines by
our Creator
to live our lives in the best way
possible.
We don't have to spend half our lives
trying to figure this out.
That's what happens to a lot of people
who are disconnected from faith and spirituality.
It takes so long to figure it out,
to make sense of all of this.
And Allah subhanahu meanwhile, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
and his messenger sallallahu alaihi wa sallam have
already given it to us, have already prepared
it for us. The guidance is there. It's
just for us to take.
So the guidelines have been given to us
by our creator to live our lives in
the best way possible
while fulfilling our duties and responsibilities.
And it appears that many of the challenges
that we're trying to deal with today
with families, with, you know, with people, with
mental health challenges, and drugs, and like so
many challenges
Many of them, not all, but many of
them can be traced back
to the collapse of the family system.
And the focus over the past half century
on the nuclear family, meaning the immediate family.
Because that's not how it was in the
past.
We all know that. Right? We Most of
us come from cultures where we know that
this is not the way our parents or
our grandparents were raised or grew up.
Right? It was not just the nuclear family.
It was the extended family.
And there was a very interesting article on
this in the Atlantic Magazine some time ago,
which I had shared
a while back, and maybe I will again,
The guidance of
Allah has placed rights and responsibilities
for every member of the team.
Which team? Team family.
And the example of the Prophet
his family and his companions
has gives us practical examples of how to
live that guidance.
Right? People choose not to follow that guidance.
K. That's their choice. But then they struggle.
Because the best way has been shown to
us.
That doesn't mean that we're not gonna have
struggles. Even then we might have struggles because
this has a place of struggles and challenges.
So that's a given.
But
there's relatively more stability,
more peace, and more blessings
when we follow the way of Rasulullah
Because
those roles and responsibilities,
they take into account
our physiological,
our psychological, and emotional makeup that Allah
has given us. Just like, you know, not
just like, but as an example, when a
coach or general manager is putting together a
team, they look for the skills that certain
players have. The way they work with their
teammates.
What they're capable of? What they're good at?
When to put them out? All of that
is taken into consideration.
So, Allah
knows us better than ourselves.
In terms of our physio
our, physiology, our psychology,
our emotional makeup.
Right?
That we have as males and females through
the various stages of life. Allah
knows us better than
everyone
else. So this is a very important area,
and Allah
instructs us to be careful with regards to
our family ties.
And be mindful of Allah, Allah says,
in whose name you appeal to one another,
and honor family ties.
Honor family ties, in particular the times of
the womb, the blood relations.
Surely Allah is our watchful
over you.
Now there's no question that family life means
giving up some of our own individual desires
and freedoms
for the sake of the family.
Right? That's why in this culture,
right, generally in Western culture, people don't look
forward when they're young to getting married.
Right? Because it's gonna take away from their
freedoms. They wanna have fun first. They wanna
live life first. But that's not the way
our dean looks at families
and our lives.
Because we give up, but it's for the
greater good. We give up some choices, some
freedoms,
individual freedoms
for the collective good, for the good of
our families, for the good
of our societies, and actually we benefit from
it as well.
The prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam has told us,
That if a Muslim spends
on his family
seeking reward from Allah
with the right intention,
doesn't take it as a burden, doesn't take
it as, you know, something he's being
pressured to do or or forced to do.
But rather you do it with a good
intention of seeking reward from Allah
It is a charity for him.
Right? It applies to any member of the
family who does good for their family. Do
it with the right intentions and you will
get rewarded for it, Insha'Allah.
Right? As I mentioned some, weeks earlier, you
know, imagine you show up on the day
of judgement and there's all these blessings and
rewards.
The Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has put in
your account on your scale on the day
of judgement, and you have no idea where
it came
from. And then you realize that all this
time when you were feeding your family, and
you were paying for your children's education, and
their clothing, and all the need taking care
of the needs of your family was actually
counted as sadaqa. And Allah
rewarded you 10 times or even more for
each dollar that you spent.
For each moment of effort of serving and
taking care of your family members.
Right? There's huge potential there, but the intention
has to be right.
The intention has to be right. The attitude
has to be correct. The The expectation of
reward from Allah
should be there.
So we may not feel like sacrificing, but
the reality is
becoming apparent that we don't make these sacrifices.
We may enjoy some short term personal benefit,
you know, or feeling of being free or
liberation,
not being tied down.
But in the long run,
we suffer.
And when many of us start suffering, our
community starts suffering, and then our society starts
suffering as well.
And this is something that we can observe
today.
This is something that we can observe today.
May Allah
protect us and our families.
So my brothers and sisters, our religion has
given us a beautiful balance.
We must sacrifice for the sake of the
well-being of our families.
But there are multiple personal benefits as well.
And there is room left for personal preferences
and choices and opinion as well. It's a
balance.
Right? Because our our deen is a or
the the the the religion of Allah
is a religion of balance.
It's not one of extremes.
Showing us the perfect balanced middle way.
So let's look at some examples. So for
example, for children, Allah says,
We have commanded people to honor their parents.
The duty to respect the wishes of the
parents.
Right? In permissible matters, of course.
To take care of them when they age.
To give them the highest degree of respect
after Allah and his messenger
to give them good company.
Says, and lower
to them the wing of humility
out of mercy and say, may dua, my
lord, have mercy upon them as they brought
me up when I was small. Right? So
make du'a for them. Be caring for them.
Be loving.
Right? Give your attention, your time as much
as possible.
But on the other hand, children, they need
to be loved.
The prophet
would kiss children, would kiss, show affection
to his children, to his grandchildren.
Right? He would play with children.
And he taught us to treat them with
love and mercy, to take care of them,
to give them moments of joy, and also
to enjoy their moments of joy. Because they
don't last. They grow up very very quickly.
Right? Give them good good education, a good
upbringing to the best of your ability.
Right? They cannot be forced to marry against
their wishes.
They are allowed their personal choice in marriage
for a righteous spouse.
Right? After marriage, they are entitled to their
space and their privacy.
And once there are adults, they are allowed
to make their own decisions regarding permissible matters.
So there is a balance.
For the parents, of course, they are responsible
for their children for, like I said, nurturing,
them and giving them good care, a good
upbringing.
But the parents are also given their space,
privacy, and time away from children.
They have the authority and they deserve the
highest degree of respect.
Under normal circumstances, not accountable for their children's
deeds.
After their children reach maturity.
Right? Which is not 18 Islamically.
Right? Once they are Islamically mature,
they are physically mature,
then they're not accountable. Provided they gave a
good upbringing and they tried their best. Aburim
Sarratiallahu Anhu relates how the the Prophet
saw him and his father.
And
he mentioned The Prophet
said
that,
That he does not commit any sin to
your detriment, meaning father and son. He does
not commit any sin to your detriment, and
you do not commit any sin to his
detriment.
And then the messenger of Allah salallahu alayhi
wasallam recited the verse, the words of the
Quran,
And no bearer of burdens
will bear the burden of another.
Every person for themselves on the day of
judgment.
This includes
parents and children, meaning children who are no
longer
considered to be Islamically children. They are past
the age of maturity.
Now the bond between husband and wife is
also a very special and a very unique
bond. The prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam talked by
example.
Having a very close relationship with his wives.
You know, intimate, physical, close, offering comfort, wiping
away tears,
combing hair, you know, drinking, eating from the
same spot.
You know, so this was a regular part
of the relationship.
Right? You encourage feeding your spouse with your
own hands.
Right? They spend time together, watch sports together,
other pastimes, race together.
Right? Use loving names for each other.
And then Allah
and the prophet
have shown us how to manage the household.
How the team should be
formed?
What should be the duties and responsibilities
based on
the physiological,
emotional, mental,
psychological, physical strengths?
So the responsibilities have been split. The primary
responsibility for earning and ensuring the well-being of
the family
rests upon the husband.
The primary responsibility
for nurturing the children and in managing the
household lies upon the wife.
Right? Note that I said primary responsibility.
It doesn't mean the sole responsibility necessarily,
but the primary responsibility.
Right? So the husband, as we know, is
expected to work and earn,
has a duty to care for the overall
well-being of the family members,
has the financial responsibility.
Right? It's taught to have love and kindness
towards his wife and children.
And as a team leader, you step in
like the manager. You step in to fill
in the gaps. Right? Like in a store,
when there's a manager.
Staff member doesn't show up. The floor needs
to be mocked.
Maybe, you know, in other countries, it's, oh,
I'm a manager. I'm not gonna do this.
It's not for me. But not here.
You're the manager. You step in.
K? Because somebody's gotta do it, and you're
at the top. So that account that responsibility
comes with accountability.
It comes with That authority comes with responsibility.
Right? So take care of the feelings of
the team.
You cannot harm,
or or abuse,
or force him to do something Haram.
Right? But at the same time, then he's
supposed to be the least dependent of the
family members.
Right? He's given an opportunity to fulfill his
innate need for intimacy,
Has been given a bit more authority, but
always remember that authority always comes with responsibility.
Right? Authority is never about flexing muscles and
saying Allah have power.
But rather, it's about accountability.
Because it comes with responsibility.
The wife,
of course, she is to be loved, to
be respected, to be taken care of.
And
she's supposed to support her husband in the
family affairs. You know, respect him as the
head of the family.
Manage the family and the home affairs responsibly,
and this by no means is an easy
task, especially, you know, in cultures where there's
no servants or helpers.
There should be training courses, you know, masters
of home administration because it's it's it's really
not something which is
easy. Right? She looks after the home and
has interest when he's not there.
She's there for him.
And then she also then gets her need
for an intimate companion to be fulfilled,
to be loved and to be cherished.
She can have her own wealth,
and she can work and earn earn an
Islamically permissible manner, provided that her primary responsibilities
are taken care of. Her wealth does not
have to be shared.
Right? She's not required to contribute.
Right? Provided, you know, the the lifestyle is
moderate, living within the means.
Right? She can have her own bank account.
She can give her own gifts. She keeps
her own money. She keeps her own in
on her own inheritance. Right? There's a question
comes up. Why is there a discrepancy in
the inheritance?
Why do males get more and females get
less? Simple answer. Because the males are more
are responsible for more people.
Where the female is respond not responsible for
anyone. She gets to keep all of her
money, whereas the male has to spend it
upon others.
So and she has her own authority in
areas of responsibility. Right? So we learn all
of this from the sunnah of Rasulullah Sallallahu
Alaihi Wa Salam. People may choose to do
it otherwise, and sometimes it might work in
some situations
due to need or other pressing situations because,
of course, not every family, not every situation
is the same. But as a general rule,
when we go away from the sunnah of
Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, we don't make things
any easier for us. We make that things
more difficult for us. Today, we find ourselves
in a world where the trend is to
want to give less and less, but want
more and more.
I want to contribute less, but I want
more.
So everyone wants the benefit of the family
with without having to do their part.
I want the benefits, but I don't wanna
do my part.
Right? It's like players on a team who
want multimillion dollar contracts
without performing.
And they want to win championships without contributing.
Right? So if you want to have the
benefit, the great
blessings and benefits of a of a loving
and stable family,
then you will have to do your part.
The prophet
said, that whoever is pleased to have his
provision expanded,
and his lifespan extended,
then he should keep good relations of the
womb. Meaning of the blood ties
of the family.
For older adults, having more or closer family
members
decreases the likelihood of death, according to a
study, University of Toronto, 2018.
Of course, life and death is decreed by
Allah
But keeping good relations
with the family
is
a good and active choice.
And as a result of making that choice,
and its benefits, Allah
may decide to extend one's lifespan.
And indeed, if everyone, my brothers and sisters,
does their part properly,
according to the guidance of Allah and his
messenger
it will lead,
to more stable,
more loving families,
which will have a positive impact on society
as a whole.
We ask Allah
to grant us peace in all of our
homes. We ask Allah
to increase
our love for our family members. We ask
Allah
to unite us in goodness
and to bring peace and love and unity
to the families that are lacking it.
I
mean, last week, we made dua for the
niece of,
our,
brother,
has granted her,
a bit of a recovery.