Shadee Elmasry – Zainab Ismail New Religion, Old Family. At ConvertCon 2016.
AI: Summary ©
AI: Transcript ©
Salam aleikum wa Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.
I'd like to first thank Dr. Shadi and musty and Safina society for
inviting me to this very important convert conference, along with my
very dear and esteemed teachers. I'm very humbled to be here on the
same platform with my teachers Shaykh Yahya Rhodos, and Imam
Ahmed Mohammed.
Our global administrators in Bismarck mana him Allahumma Salli,
ala Sayyidina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sallam to Sleeman
kathira. So the topic that I'm going to touch upon because it's
such a deep, deep topic, especially for many of us, like
myself, I have been Muslim almost seven years. I'm born and raised
in New York City, and my parents are Puerto Rican.
Balancing this new faith
with old friends and family.
I selected this topic because I really felt that the real life
issues and challenges that new Muslims and also born Muslims, but
they might be new to their practice might face on this
journey. So I will reflect a bit on my own journey, and how I
strive to find balance to balance old friends, new friends and
family of course.
I just got in this morning from Orlando Hamdulillah. Yesterday, I
was speaking at the Orlando Muslim girl scouts dinner, mashallah the
girls ages seven to 14, they were just such a blessing and so, so
precious. So I landed in LaGuardia Airport in New York, and I came
straight here, basically. So excuse me, if I'm speaking a
little low.
One thing that I really learned from my teachers, is Islam is a
marathon. It is not a sprint. So take your time. And that's very
important to really pace yourself. Because as the mama mean
discussed, it's very simple. Don't complicate it.
If everything will come in time,
everyone's path to Islam is different. However, our start is
the same, we start like a newborn baby. I'm sure for those of you
who have, who have taken their shahada, the declaration of faith,
everyone does tell you now you're starting fresh, like a newborn
baby with no sins. So we all have the same starting point.
But on so many different levels, this awakening, I like to call it
the awakening Islam, as opposed to convert, Revert, you know, some
people like the word convert some people like the word revert, I
just say the awakening.
So there's so many profound life changing experiences, and also
things that can come to a bit of a shock to many of us. So I want to
shed a little bit of light on each of these areas, and how to maybe
strive to implement and strive to have that balance between
this new fate, our old and new friends and our families.
We're being pulled in so many different directions, whether it
be from information that we are getting, whether it be from the
television, whether it be from our families, our neighbors, our co
workers at school, the main thing is, there's so many different
areas that impact us. And for me, I kind of narrowed it down to four
key areas, that being personal
and identity,
culturally,
and friends and family.
So the first area I want to just touch on is personal. What are you
experiencing? After you utter this declaration of faith?
You may have someone to teach you how to break. You may not. You may
have someone to teach you your required basic knowledge or
foreign nine. You may not. I myself, I took my Shahada in June
of 2009. I didn't know how to do anything until I press
Are some of my
Muslim friends on the first day of Ramadan, which was in August? I
need to learn how to pray, what do I have to do I know there's
something I have to do. So it's not something that's always going
to be available.
But do not let that worry you. Allah will open the door, the
doors to Allah always open. So many things racing through our
minds. fear, uncertainty, the unknown.
I had no idea what to expect myself. Not sure how you're going
to do all this. And especially you don't know what is expected of
you. But what's important is what you feel in your heart. I myself,
I didn't read the Koran. I didn't have someone talk to me about
Islam. For me, it was purely from a spiritual perspective, wanting
to connect with ALLAH SubhanA wa Tala.
I just knew it was the truth.
It was a long journey. But when I finally took the steps, it was
purely from a spiritual perspective. And that's something
that Sheikh yaka touched on. And unfortunately, I missed the mama
means talk.
One thing you can always be certain, Allah is always on your
side. So no matter what your situation, turn to Allah and ask
him for help.
Doesn't matter what it is. His door is always open to you. He's
waiting for you to ask of him. So when you think you should ask,
Allah is pushing you to ask. So go to Him. Ask Him for any assistance
and guidance,
to learn to grow, to change, to worship, the one our Creator, and
draw closer to our beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be
upon him.
Mohammed Muhammad, to know him is to love him.
And that is definitely something
along my almost seven year journey,
that when you come to learn about our Prophet Muhammad, peace and
blessings be upon him, you love him. And if you love him, you talk
closer to Allah subhanaw taala. So don't leave him out. He's such an
important part of this journey. And you becoming a better human
being and purifying your heart, that cleansing from the internal
versus just what we wear on the outside. Because if we even go
into hijab, hijab is well beyond a piece of fabric, or loose
clothing. It is your manners, your behaviors, your characteristics,
how you treat one another, how you treat your families, your parents,
your siblings, your co workers, your neighbors,
creation, the trees, the ants, doesn't matter, that extends not
just our outward hijab, but inward.
Back to this to shock to your person.
It is so key and important to have supportive people around you and
good teachers to learn from. And not everyone is blessed to have
either. I myself
was blessed very early on in my journey with the Mecca Center,
which I'll come back to in just a moment.
So once I took my Shahada in June of 2009, nothing had really
changed. Because I didn't know what was expected of me what was
commanded to me to do in terms of worship, I just kind of went about
my business. Nothing really changed. Until like I said, I
learned how to pray on the first day of Ramadan.
These life changes
led me to say, Hmm, I think I need to learn a little more, something
innately, intuitively within me. I knew there was more than I need to
know. And with a simple Google search,
new Muslim program, came the Mecca center. And then Hamdulillah.
I went to the Mecca center. It was such a blessing. Everyone was
welcoming. The teachers were amazing. And other people just
like me, no Muslims, not covered, still wearing our non Muslim
attire. Not really. I
Having an idea of whether it be shyness or manners and behaviors,
and one of my first teachers, for my very first VIP teacher is
sitting right here in the room, Imam Amin. So not to put him on
the spot yet, but I will tell the story that it's an impacting part
of my journey.
I had so many fears.
Being a
very structured person.
I didn't know how was I going to wear hijab, walking into a mosque,
or even seeing people from my past to ask me questions. These were
the things that gave me the most anxiety, my family would probably
be the fourth of these things.
So for me, that I mentioned going to the mosque, going to a mosque
was terrifying to me. To this day, I live in Brooklyn, New York, I
travel
anywhere from 45 minutes to two hours, one way to either worship
and Juma to go to taraweeh, to go to classes to anything, there's
probably between my house and let's just say mbyc, which is
where I would regularly go for Joomla when I can, there's
probably 40 messages between my house and New Jersey. So I travel
to the place where I feel comfortable.
If there's a place and it's not welcoming, or it's not what I'm
comfortable with, I find the place that I am comfortable, it might
take more time.
But there are places that everyone can feel comfortable in. But for
me going to the mosque was very terrifying. hamdulillah the first
mosque that I finally did go to was seven months after my Shahada.
And I live probably in one of the largest Arab American
neighborhoods in New York City. I just could not enter because it
just wasn't inviting. No one spoke English. No one said anything to
you. And no one explained anything. So I just never went. So
my first Ramadan, I never even went into a mosque. I didn't even
know what type of we was. I didn't even know what Eid was. I just
knew to fast and pray.
So the first mosque I finally went into
once also, I started wearing hijab in June of 2010 happened to be
what later became Park 51 for the World Trade Center mosque.
So at the time, it was just an open room.
The men were up to the front, and the women in the back. And that
was my first time ever going to Joomla Hamdulillah.
So now coming to my identity. Now coming from I was a celebrity
personal trainer traveling to Miami, Las Vegas, Hollywood,
California, spending summers in the Hamptons, on private jets jet
setting around with celebrities and professional athletes.
How am I going to balance that life? And now this new life that
was definitely a challenge and that's something that each person
comes to their own realization at their own time at their own pace.
And Allah makes it easier for you just ask Allah for guidance. I
didn't know what making dua was I didn't know what intentions was
innately I was doing that. But I didn't know what it was at the
time.
So
we need the mic for the livestream that better.
Okay.
So back to the Mecca center. So everything was a bit better going
to the Mecca center. That was like home.
Everyone there was new to the faith or returning to the faith,
but no one worried about where you were from, what you were doing,
whether you were married or not.
Where you live. What's your background? What's your story? No
one cared. They just wanted to show you love, compassion and
mercy.
I felt a bit more balanced in my faith because of the environment
and the people I was around.
That's what made the difference for
Me
to slowly draw closer to Allah subhanho wa taala. And taste
Islam, not just go through the motions initially, because most of
the aspects of Islam, the manners, the behaviors are very foreign, at
least it was to myself, I felt like a robot. Okay, I learned it,
apply it, learn it, apply it. So it didn't feel always natural. But
eventually, like anything else, just like exercise. If you do a
lunge enough times or squat enough times, it starts to feel a little
more natural. Like the first time you exercise, you feel clumsy,
you're kind of losing your balance. The same thing with
Islam. For me.
It was all new. So it's almost like you're playing catch up,
you're like, Okay, I read, okay, let's put it into practice. Okay,
read, put it into practice. So at a certain point, you are somewhat
robotic, and the people around you are like, what's wrong with you.
But at some point, you go, Okay, I need to somehow balance who I am,
who not who I was, but who I am, and who I now will grow to be this
believing person, this compassionate person, this person
that is going to be selfless.
Now, that wasn't the case, in all parts of my life. Now I come to my
work. Like I mentioned, I'm traveling around the country,
internationally, with clients. How am I going to balance being
Muslim, and my work?
Unfortunately, but not unfortunately, I did have to make
the decision to let go some of my very, very prominent clients,
which basically without again, knowing what intentions were, I
had to give them about 60% of my income, for the sake of Allah, not
knowing what it meant to do something for the sake of Allah.
But Allah
gave me back, and then some and opened so many incredible doors in
this past six years, that I cannot even know how this possibly could
have been written. I know it was written, but it's just beyond my
capacity. It's just a blessing. So
Mecca center
was my source of light and comfort.
We were safe there.
So all your challenges, all the difficulties, we had a place that
we can be safe.
I remember, I was probably now Muslim nine months.
And they was our first three day, what's called Dota program. Dota
is an extended program of sacred learning. And it was on family
matters at the mega center.
And it was with a Mamma mia, Mohammed, and the first Shira
we've ever been, at least that I ever met. And he came from Yemen.
And it was shaking my booty in Abu hatchling.
That three day Dota was confirmation for me that learning
sacred knowledge and being with other seekers of knowledge, and
being with good teachers, was a direct answer to achieving
balance.
There was no denial on in order to have balance. We need to learn
from good teachers, and good teachers that have an isnaad or
Senad, which means a chain of narration that goes back from
scholar to scholar to scholar how they relay the information back to
the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, our beloved Muhammad
or to the author of the text that we're covering.
I've never studied with a teacher that didn't have Senate or is that
Alhamdulillah.
From that point, I stayed with vigilant on seeking sacred
knowledge.
It's an ocean. I feel like I haven't even put my foot in the
water. What hamdulillah with each class with each retreat, would
each gathering
something that wisdom comes
To light, whether it be in my heart, or in my own actions,
know, something that is key about knowledge.
What's important about knowledge is not just obtaining the
knowledge, it's implementing, and taking action. So it's not just
that we're going to learn, but we're not going to do anything
with it or make any changes in our lives.
So now a bit of a cultural shock.
Now, for all the Born Muslims here, and for many of the Born
Muslims that I've talked to before, some of you are here in
the room.
You never know what anyone is going through.
Especially the new Muslim, or the born Muslim, that's new to
practicing.
So remember, to be gentle, be compassionate, be patient, and be
understanding.
Don't rush to ask the first question. Watch family think.
So many people don't have family that they could have known what to
say.
The two parents family home is just not something that is known
to many of us. And definitely not me. I've been on my own on the
street since I'm 18 years old, no parents
there in my life and Hamdulillah I treat them like the king and queen
that they are.
But the journey was mine, my parents, you know, but I will talk
about them a bit more.
So, about that cultural shock again. So as you're thrusted into
the environment, there's all these names and different languages and
customs and clothing and food. It is so overwhelming to a new
Muslim. I'm a New York Puerto Rican. I couldn't keep track of
the s names, T names, K names, own names. Even today, I'm still like,
you know, but hamdulillah I'm trying the mood, the customs, the
clothing. So you're bombarded from every direction so
sorry, my mic situation.
Okay. So good.
So that in and of itself, especially when you finally do go
to the mosque, you are bombarded and most of the people bombarding,
you do not realize you are coming from a completely different
background and have absolutely no knowledge what anything they are
talking about is at all.
Not even close.
So
that's like I finally maybe a few months ago tried my first samosa
maybe I had Brioni for the first time this past Ramadan. I've heard
the names. I just didn't know what it was. I'm not exposed to it. So
sometimes, it's okay, we want to learn, but it's overwhelming,
especially in the beginning. So take it easy on us, please,
inshallah.
So let's talk a little bit about friendships are old friends, new
friends, that in and of itself is a roller coaster.
I myself probably had to remove 80% of the people that were in my
life prior to Islam, just simply because the nature of their
lifestyle was in complete conflict with Islam. So it was going to be
a bit difficult to balance that out. So I had to do what we would
call cold turkey. There was just no other way. So I guess that's
why sometimes even now, when I see people from my paths, my heart
starts to race. And I'm like,
but this is our journey. We're human beings. It's okay. It's
going to happen. Don't be so hard on yourselves. Don't have
expectations. Definitely not of yourself. Because we always fall
short. We all fall short,
inwardly or outwardly.
It's okay.
It's a marathon. It's not a sprint.
So let's talk a little bit about my family.
I didn't tell my father. I was Muslim
for about a year into
my
Muslim life. My father is a born again, Christian pastor in
Orlando, Florida.
Pentecostal to be exact. So that's called
evangelical plus plus.
Definitely,
unfortunately, a Trump loving
side of things. But he's my father. We don't talk politics,
and we don't talk religion.
I saw him this weekend, that was part of the reason why I went to
do the talk in Orlando, was to maintain my family ties, and hug
my father. We don't have to say anything. I don't believe what he
believes. And he doesn't believe what I believe. And we're okay.
And we definitely don't have the same political views. But when he
hugs me, I am his daughter.
And he is my father. And it's just love. That's all we need.
So I gave him hints when it was around Christmas time,
which was always a challenging thing, like, what do you do now at
Christmas? So funny. I'm jumping on small tangent. So what I
started to do was have a dinner at my house for December 24 and
December 25. So you guys, you exchange your gifts. I'm just
cooking the dinner. So that was my way to still celebrate with them.
And it worked fine, and Hamdulillah. And I would invite my
other friends who are new to Islam,
because they were in the same situation. So we all spent our
holiday time together. So back to my father.
So I gave him hints. So when I finally told him,
and I showed up with a Yankee baseball cap, I didn't come with
my hijab wrapped around my face. I think that would be a little
shocking. And like, tell it all before I'd even say anything. So I
had my Yankee baseball cap with my hair tucked in, and a turtleneck
in 90 degree weather and a shirt.
So I think he thought something was up. So when I finally told
him, he's like, I knew, I was like, How did you know? He said,
Your hints were pretty clear. And I have Muslim coworkers.
Hamdulillah. So all he said is okay, I'll pray for you to come
back to Christianity.
I said, okay, and I'll pray for you.
What was I gonna say from there? So Hamdulillah that went well.
Now. My grandmother,
devout Catholic, my maternal grandmother.
She didn't speak to me for two years.
No matter how much my mother pleaded with her.
Grandma was not budging.
Eventually,
she started to come around. And it was Mother's Day.
Four years ago.
She said, Tell her to come over with you guys, meaning my mom and
my brother.
I walk in my heart was racing because I have on like hijab.
And she just looked at me. She walked really slow. She hugged me.
And the tears just flowed from her eyes. She didn't have to say
sorry. She didn't have to say anything.
The main thing that impacted her was how I treated my mother.
And my mother would just obviously be saying to her, the difference
in how I treat her and how special she feels. So that's often my
grandmother.
My maternal grandmother passed away seven weeks ago.
Her final words to me
was I respect you, and respect to religion.
And this was in her bedside at Albert Einstein hospital. She had
gone in with a pneumonia 91
She was not at 91 able to really get past the complications from
the pneumonia.
So
she also told me make sure to take care of your brother Michael.
So it was time to pray, Yasser, and my time at the hospital
because I did have to go to work was limited. So I'm like, Oh, I
gotta pray, what am I going to do?
So she's laying there, she's kind of quiet.
I checked, which is the direction I looked out, where's the sun. And
I said, I had my travel mat, my travel prayer mat.
So I went for it, I'd never prayed in front of her before, I'd always
gone to her bedroom or another room when I was in her house.
I said, I'm gonna pray in front of her.
And I prayed us there in front of her, and she just laid in her bed.
And she watched.
She didn't say anything. But she watched. That was good enough for
me Hamdulillah.
So, my advice to all new Muslims.
Be yourself with your families, and your friends and those who
loved you and cared for you, before you became Muslim.
It takes a little bit of time to find that balance. But
it comes and they'll appreciate and understand more. If you don't
change how you are with them, how you pray, and how you fast, and
all the other pillars
are not going to affect your relationship with them. If
anything should enhance it.
Have patience with them. Because as you're learning, it's hard for
you to explain. Somehow, the minute you take your shahada,
you're supposed to be the shoe. You know, you're the big scholar.
So they have questions, like these huge major theological questions.
And again, I came through the spirituality of it. I didn't
intellectualize it, I felt it. Islam, I feel it. I don't really,
you know, that's in my temperament. We were in a
prophetic medicine class for the week, last week. So my temperament
is just kind of go with the flow structured, but I it's more
spiritual for me than intellectualizing each thing, you
know, black and white, which it's not nothing is black and white.
So,
focus and cherish those bonds, maintain them, feed them, nurture
them, just like now in the month of Rajab, we're planting those
seeds so that by the time Ramadan comes inshallah we will reach
Ramadan,
that they grow, and we see the benefits
I'm going to close with, he didn't come with me today. My younger
brother, Michael.
Because, again, I was traveling and it would have been difficult
for us to kind of connect. But I asked him a few weeks ago to write
me an open letter
about
his thoughts about my journey. uncensored, I told him, right what
it is you feel. So he titled The letter, my sister's journey
through my eyes.
So I'm going to read the letter that my brother Michael has
written
about his reflections on my journey.
My sister and I, Miss Bella, my sister and I had a very not so
perfect agreement, upbringing. From the moment our parents
divorced, I was sent to Puerto Rico to live with my grandmother
when I was just five years old. And my sister then a teenager was
pretty much left to fend for herself. For many years, I was
raised without any parents or siblings. Once my sister was old
enough and had enough money, she would come and visit me to Puerto
Rico periodically. She always took care of me as best she could.
Whether it would be showing up to Puerto Rico with five pairs of
sneakers, that's what you did you bought, you know, Jordans and
every color at the time.
Or buying me my first Bible. When I did my first communion in the
Catholic Church.
Once I turned 17 years old, I moved back to New York City and
was able to see my sister more often. Now a young man. I'd seen
my sister grow up through the years into being a very successful
fitness and nutrition professional. We would spend our
Christmases and Easter together along with our family.
My sister was
is always someone I would seek guidance from. Being that we came
from a broken family and my relationship with my parents
wasn't always perfect or existent. Because I was lacking the parental
figure in many ways, she was forced to become that person.
So she would take on the role of being a parent, and sometimes not
the friend of sibling hoped for, at times, my sister's approach
would seem a bit aggressive and blunt, Brooklyn style he wrote.
Additionally, all of her experiences she had to endure
growing up made her exterior much harder. Myself, on the other hand,
being raised by my grandmother, it made me more emotional and softer,
fast forwarding to the summer of 2009. When I was 29 years old, we
went to a street fair together. And we got in the car, and she
flat out turned to me and said, Michael, I'm Muslim. Now.
My reaction was what? What do you mean? I wouldn't say it was a
negative reaction. Moreso a shocking reaction. I've never been
a prejudiced or judgmental person for being different for people
being different than I was just that. At that point. I never
really knew anyone who was Muslim, and no one ever talked about it.
Outside of that, I had my own issues with Catholicism, and
religion in general. However, my sister was always more religiously
class Catholic than me. In many ways, I felt forced into it by my
grandmother, I have to admit, I was not happy at first, not
because I had negative views of Islam. But because I felt I was
losing the closest family member I had.
We used to spend the most emotionally charged day of the
year together Christmas.
Over the course of that first year, she would talk to me about
Islam, things she had to do, rules she had to follow and etc.
I would have conversations with her best friend who was 100% on
board at the time, and she really helped me understand and be just
as much just as accepting as she was. I was a bit taken aback by
all the rules, not being able to eat this or that, do this or do
that. But slowly but surely. After being explained. I came around and
understood.
Then came the day, I saw her covered for the first time. It
made me uncomfortable and confused. Why does my sister need
to cover her beautiful hair? Again, her best friend, who was so
perfect at explaining and easing situations, at an emotional level
helped me understand.
It's been almost seven years now. And I've learned so much about
Islam. I've made a lot of her friends and attended gatherings at
Mecca center. I can't even say how wrong I was for thinking I was
losing my sister. If anything, we are even closer than ever. The
compassion and love she has learned through Islam has greatly
impacted her life and our relationship. I still have my
personal struggles with with religion. In general concerning
myself. However, I fully respect and embrace her decision on her
becoming Muslim. Despite its many rules, it has many good teachings
that every human being should follow. Islam has definitely made
my sister and even better human being that I'm proud to love and
admire JazakAllah fed
this has been a Safina society production.