Shadee Elmasry – Mothers’ Hour, Being Mom 5
AI: Summary ©
AI: Transcript ©
All right, thank you. Hi, thank you, Sally, I got hurricane
Maria last month Alice, peace and blessings be upon insha Allah.
Today inshallah we're going to discuss or focus on one concept.
And that is using the language of empathy. Before the language of
intellect, basically putting emotion before, what makes sense.
Okay? And it's not something easy, because usually you always tend to
do like, Oh, you did this. Normally, this is what I would
have to react, you know? So, of course, I'm talking in general
with your family, but specifically with our children, to love your
child without thinking or analyzing to love your child just
because he or she is your child. Okay, it's not something easy to
do, again, as I'm saying, but we'll try to kind of walk
ourselves through inshallah. And let's start our journey tonight
with the Prophet Muhammad sai Salam, and his language of empathy
with children and with people in general. And how his language of
empathy was much more effective, effective, sorry, than many other
ways with the entire humanity, not just with people. And imagine if
we use this way with our children, like the Prophet Muhammad Salim
did. It's a magic key, a magic stick that can do miracles with
your child. Just like Moses stick. What did it do? It turned the land
into sea. And it turned the sea into a mountain right?
Here to tonight.
Alright,
I'll wait for thought I'm so sorry.
We just started Don't worry. You didn't miss much. We just started.
Oh, I got so good to see you. Because I don't really summer. Of
course, he goes, summer has a teacher with the Sacromonte
mentors very good close friend as well. Alright, so we're going to
do that we're going to basically we're talking about dealing with
children and how we're going to start using the language of
empathy, putting it ahead of the language of intellect or thinking
or analyzing what our kids do and just loving them because they're
our kids. Right? So as we said, basically, it's like a magic stick
just like that of a prophet Musa alayhis. Salam how it you know,
turned we said, the land into see and it turned the scene to two
mountains, right? The magic stick or wand, that will be the cause of
your child to turn to your art return to your arms and to your
embrace. It's that of empathy and love, okay, and not just your
children, but your whole family. When you use it with your whole
family. The Prophet Muhammad says something, remedied everything
with empathy. There was a man in Medina and his name was the head.
And he was known to be very tough, aggressive and dry. Okay? Just
like a lot of our own children are, or actually how we think they
are, you know, slap face with no expression or something, you feel
something like they just you can't like penetrate. Like, they're
just, you know what to do with them, you know, and you think
that's how they are, they're not really like that, okay? No
emotions on the external. Alright, so there was that type of person.
And the Companions knew he was like that. And they didn't like to
deal with him. They just kind of kept their distance from their
head. So look, what the Prophet Muhammad SAW Allah was going to
do, there was one standing in the market. So the Prophet Muhammad
Sallallahu Sallam came from behind, and he hugged him. You
know, when you come from behind somebody, and you put your hand on
their eyes, and you're like, you know, like, like, Who are you
like, Okay, I'm not gonna let my hand go. No, I'm gonna let you
guess kind of thing. So basically say, who said who is this? Let me
go. He's very tough. But the prophet Mohammed says salam did
not do like we would do and keep on like, just, you know, being
annoying and keep just holding him. Like, usually we all just
like, I'm not gonna tell you, you have to guess figure out whose
hand it is. So basically, the Prophet Muhammad wa salam did
what? He opened his his hands but like you're he's holding from
behind, and then you opened his hands widely. Okay. And then there
who says, I turned around, and there was the prophet muhammad
sallallahu wasallam, his hands opened out and stretched to me.
Can you imagine? Have we become ashamed to show impression and
empathy to others? This is a man and another man in the market.
You're not talking about you with your little child. If this is what
the Prophet Muhammad Salim is doing with elders, or men, not
even an elder person, because usually you have the empathy for
your elder or for your little ones, but with a man in the middle
of the market, okay. Do you know the man that once went to the
Prophet Muhammad SAW I sent them and told him, I love that brother
walking there, or that men walking there? The Prophet Muhammad wa
sallam told him Did you tell him? The man said, No, the Prophet
Muhammad wa sallam told him go and tell him, you love someone for the
sake of Allah subhanaw taala Go and tell them to command from the
Prophet Muhammad, Salah Salem, express your emotions and show
your compassion. Allah created a male emotion so that you could use
them and show them not to be locked up behind harsh faces as we
do nowadays. And we feel like it shows us if you're weak if you go
and express to others how you love them. So they're back again to the
hair. He turns around, and he found the Prophet Muhammad SAW
salams arms open wide to me. That's what he says. And I wasn't
happier with anything more than my body being against the Prophet
Muhammad SAW someone's body because he hugged him. Like
imagine you turn around you find somebody opening their arms to hug
you Subhanallah and because he was up to
so uptight the Prophet Muhammad Salem, will what try to loosen him
up a little bit, because he's very rough. So he starts joking with
him, which is a very good way that you as parents can use also with
your children. Okay, joking and laughing with your kids can loosen
up their expression unless you know this expressionless face that
they have. So the Prophet Muhammad wa salam held observers hand and
held it a pie in the market and said, Would anybody like to buy a
slave? Would anybody like to buy slaves and there is not a slave?
He's a free man, right? Who would like to buy the slave and say who
said, you know, is preferable Hassan started laughing? So they
have smiled and said, you wouldn't find a market for me on Messenger
fella. No one's gonna want to buy me you know, nobody likes me.
Nobody wants to talk to me, Sally.
I think we're good, right, ladies? You cold? They're cold. Alright.
I think it's cold when it's off when it's warm when it's on. So I
don't know. Anyway, so he said that they get digitally cast then
Euro, so no one's gonna want to buy me. Okay. So the Prophet
Muhammad sigh Salam looked at him and said to him, but you are very
worthy to Allah subhanho wa taala. You are dear to Allah subhanaw
taala What is this beauty in the simplicity Subhan Allah, that can
melt mountains of ice. You see how tough he was. But when he the
Prophet Muhammad said, I'm just with this gentle touch or this
hugging, he just softened him, you know, SubhanAllah. And what I want
to tell you as parents, something very important and bear with me.
It's not enough to love your children and show them the
compassion. It has to be unconditional love. Okay, how you
say what if you're good, I love you. But if you're bad, you know
what will happen, I'll give you two weeks of love. And if you
don't pull yourself together, you know what's going to happen ship
ship right away comes away. Or, you know, you know what comes out
right away, right? If you don't do this does that I'm gonna give you
a chance. This is wrong. Love has to be unconditional with our kids,
right? Because if your child feels that you are giving them love for
something in return, and they're very innocent, and they have a
very, very high, you know, sense or perception, their perception is
very high, you know, how they see things is very,
it's not yet attained with anything from outside. So they
perceive things very clearly. If they feel that you're loving them
in return for something else, it doesn't work. It has to be I love
you because of you.
You see, if you set conditions for love, they won't, they won't, they
won't want it. There'll be more stubborn. And they will resist you
tell them I'm going to love you. But if you know if you don't do
your homework, you know, I'm not going to talk to you if you don't
do this. It's always like if you it's always like a condition,
you're always putting a condition. If you do this, I'll do this, if
you don't do this, I'm not going to do this as if your love is
because you have to do your homework or is your office because
you have to get straight A's or a tool. I love you because you pray
on time. You can do that. That's not right.
There was once a father who said I lost my son. dealings between us
have ended. We don't talk anymore. There is no communication. I no
longer know anything about him. So it was said to him the shift
towards him love him, he replied, but I'm telling you, there's
nothing between us how can you just tell him I love you, okay,
love him and tell him that you love him. So the father went and
set his child down and told him, I want you to know that I love you.
And you have to understand that always keep that in mind. And of
course, his son replied, these things don't make a difference to
me anymore. Doesn't make a difference. And did a lot of our
kids are like that, unfortunately, nowadays. And he walked to when he
left him, the father went back to the sheikh weeping. He said, I
cannot believe that he told me this. Imagine a father hamdulillah
imagine a father weeping, crying, you know, this whole thing didn't
work. The sheikh replied, that's not true. The only problem is that
your son doesn't believe you yet. You need to say once and twice and
three times. You need to be patient and your son needs to be
certain first that this love is unconditional, that you love him
not because he's good or bad. But because he's a piece of you. He's
carrying your name, you are from my flesh and blood. Even if I'm
not happy with your actions, there is no way I could not love you. I
will continue loving you. He went back and he sat next to his son.
And he told himself and eventually his son believed him. And his son
returned to him. He says, Until this day, they're very close
friends. How genuine Are you? When you tell your kids that you love
them? We'll come back to that we'll come to that further on. I
also have another father and his son is it was he the opposite now
how the father died, because sometimes Subhanallah we kind of
react just on first basis, we don't really think or analyze what
we're doing, or think what kind of impact that will have on our
children. We just kind of like go by the trend, how our parents
raised us and that's like, you know, we don't really use all of
those ways, but there's always that bit of them in us the way
they were with us. There's always something you know, the old
fashioned way. Subhanallah I'm not saying it's always wrong, but some
things you know, we have to think about. So this father certainly
could start doing and his son was a senior and the father is a
professor he was a professor in medical school. And the father's
only dream of course is what his son to enter medical school and
take his you know, his office after him and so on so forth. And
he spent money right and left tutoring his son so that he may
enter medical school. You
But the boy you know, was used to fall around a little bit. He
wasn't taking things so seriously. And you didn't get the grades to
make him enter medical school. And he found out and he went back
home, went to his room feeling very down because he knew he left
his father down. But the father was very wise. He walked into his
son's room and told him, You have to understand that I love you,
because you're my son. Whether you enter business school, or
engineering, or medical, whatever it is, I will also love you. I
love you because you're my son. I love you without any conditions.
But please, next time, try to exert more effort. But wherever
you go, whatever you study, I still love you. The man swears
that his son succeeded unbelievably in the college is not
medical school that he entered. But the college that he went in,
he succeeded extremely way way above the boys ability.
Subhanallah right. Just because of this word that he used with him
just because of this talk. You heard with a one talk Subhanallah
I love you with no condition. That's that's the main rule for
tonight. I love you with no condition. There was a mother and
her son was a drug addict and other story I have to share with
you. And things reached a very bad state from hatred and belittling
and eventually kicked me him out of the house. From how shocked she
was in the beginning. You know that? How could this be my son,
this is my son that I raised his you know, he's a drug addict. The
mother went to a drug rehab, and she started talking with the
doctor and I was like, What am I supposed, you know, what do I do?
How do I get him off of this? And what am I supposed to do? So the
doctor asked her very simply, when was the last time you told your
son I love you.
The mother replied when he was young. I mean, unfortunately, if
you look at our homes, a majority of us parents, we give an
unbelievable amount of love, compassion and hugs and kisses. So
the age of love, you know, say 1011 12, tops, tall, tall, tall,
right? Maximum, maybe you sisters have older kids till 12 maximum,
and all of a sudden we cut off.
Right? You feel that they're going older, they have their own
friends, their own room, their own everything. And you cut off right
there. And let me ask you the same question. The doctor asked the
mother, if your child was in her teens or to you know, his or her
teens. When was the last time that you hugged him or hugged her?
Was last time you hug your child? I hope it was like today or
yesterday? Or we could go a month ago.
Okay. When did you say I love you? Okay, when was the last time you
got the magic card in eight and said from your mom that loves you
or your loving mom? And you as an adult? When was the last time you
told your parents that you love them?
I hope you tell them right. You'll probably tell me when I was six,
right?
Because I was a little kid, you know, how can I see that? Now
people will look at me funny, right? Are you embarrassed to tell
your parents that word because you know that word could be that word
that causes you to enter Jannah just expressing your love to them.
It's not always easy to give the phone like Mom, I love you. You
know, like you have your own kids and everything. The language of
empathy and compassion, the language of the Prophet Muhammad
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So back to the story. The leader
replied, since I knew he was on drugs, I never said to him, I love
him. The doctor replied, can you please go back to him and tell him
that you love and this is the first step of getting back your
child and making him quit drugs. But you have to say generally, and
you have to feel it as you said, because he's your son. Not because
anything else, it doesn't matter what he's doing. He's your son,
you have to love him. Doesn't matter what he's doing. She
replied, but I won't be able to say how am I going to say I just
kicked him out of the house. I'm you know, you know, cursing him,
I'm preying on him like, like he's taking drugs.
She said, You have to be able to because he is your son. The mother
went back, she says, and we said she says we sat at the table for
dinner. And she says I sat looking at him for 15 minutes. And I
couldn't utter the word. I just didn't know how I feel like how am
I going to tell him I love him. Like I have all this hate inside
of me all this anger inside of me. SubhanAllah. You are the mother
though. You're the source of compassion. How can you not be
able to say it? So she continues saying, he looked at me and told
me was there something wrong? Like why are you staring at me
basically. She says I kept trying to, you know, taking the knee or
the intention that I will say generally, genuinely and really
mean it. And as I started seeing it, a movie of his childhood
memories ran through my mind. beautiful memories. And I told him
I love you. The lady swears he cried, and he got up and hunter.
He needed Subhanallah he was thirsty for empathy, and no one
quench this thirst. He was thirsty for his mother's embrace. Do you
understand? Believe me, I have dealt with lots of teenagers. You
know, that's what I've been, you know, past years, lots of teens.
And they used to do the worst of mistakes. And I tried, you know,
we try always lecturing and yelling, this is the way to do it.
This is not the way to do it. And the more I would do that, the more
they would repel for me. They don't want to hear it. They don't
want to hear like that. You know you're better than them. You're
higher than them. You're giving them that and once I
watch one of them and receive that Strads airing and mistake with a
lot of compassion and mercy. In a way that doesn't make sense. And I
focused on my feelings, how I am upset, how I feel hurt, not how
he's bad, or what he did was wrong. No. And believe me, this is
an amazing aspect you can use when it comes to compassion, instead of
focusing on your child's mistakes and errors, focus on your
feelings. And this is scientifically proven, by the way,
I'm upset, I am hurt. I feel like down. What a shame. You know, I'm
so hurt. I can't believe you did this I, me, right? I feel worn
out. Don't mention you at all. Don't even say you did this. Don't
mention that. Just focus on yourself. Your emotions will lie.
This is a magical way. You have to try it. And I know some parents
say, Well, I have tried all these methods, nothing works. My son is
a dead end. I was like, Oh, I'm upset from you. I'm just Oh, it
doesn't work. They don't care. I have another method for you. So we
first said, express your love to them. Right? Then we said focus on
your feelings, not their areas. We said give them love what
unconditionally. Let me tell you another method, paper and pen
writing. Sometimes Subhanallah writing has a way higher impact
and speaking, I read the story in a book, a mother and a father,
their son was in his late teens around 17. And he just totally
shut down. No communication, very short tempered, very stubborn,
doesn't speak much how you feel he has a lot of secrets kept in him
SubhanAllah. And he can't bring it out. He doesn't speak. So they did
something that was quite cool. And I think it's really effective. I'm
actually thinking of, you know, not now. But I just think it's a
cool way even from now with my little kid Hamdulillah we still
have more control over them. But I think it's a good thing to start
with them from now. Not on a continuous basis. But listen to
this. And they'll tell you so what did they do? They started writing
him letters, and leaving it under his pillow. And they wrote on it,
read it when you're alone. And he was stubborn. So he went to sleep
the first night, put his hand you know, under his pillow. So putting
his hand he felt something he pulls out. And it says what read
it when you're alone. So he wants to make sure his parents are not
watching him behind the door as he looks around. There's nobody
because you could just say what, oh, I didn't read it, I don't care
or you know, he becomes more stubborn. Okay, but there he was
on his own, you know, and he gently opens the letter, and he
starts reading.
And I'll read to you at what the parents said exactly. Okay, it
says, Ahmed, I understand that you are short tempered these days. And
I know that there are things that are bothering you. And I know that
we're not completely aware of the details of your life or your
privacy's, but you have to know that both me and your mother love
you immensely. And that this love will never be changed by any of
your actions. If you feel you have a need to talk, both me and your
mother are waiting for you. And if you have no desire to talk, there
is no problem. We will still always love you. You're loving mom
and dad, so and so. The author of this book is the boy himself when
he grew up. Okay, not the mother and the father who are saying
this. It's the boy himself. When he grew up, he wrote this book he
wrote, it was sharing, you know his thoughts on it. The boy says,
amidst my stubbornness, I used to wait for the letters under my
pillow. And if three days passed, I would be so upset. And I would
show them that I was more uptight and more short tempered, because
it gave me inner peace and comfort. They used to talk to me
about everything they wanted to discuss with me. And in the
mornings, they never shrugged in or not to each other, or looked or
smiled, or when to each other or did anything that would embarrass
me. But they would smile in my face, and not mentioned a word
about anything. They said to be the letters. He continues saying,
I pass through my terrible teen safely, because of these letters.
Subhanallah Oh, just like Oh, my God, and thank you so much.
And he says, I got married, and had children. And that was when
the first that was the very first time that I ever brought up this
topic with them. Imagine he lived with them, his entire teens, he
went to college, graduated, you know, got a job had children. And
after he got he had his children, he went back to his parents. And
he said, you know, finally, all the good that I'm in now is
because of what you did to me, because of the letters that you
wrote to me SubhanAllah.
Just like Monica and thank you so much for thank you so much. Just
like
Subhan Allah, this is the boy writing this. And my question is
to the youth, why do you leave things to get also that far or to
that extent? Or even why do we leave things to reach this extent,
with our children that we can even discuss face to face, it's nice to
leave now for now. It's nice sometimes to leave a note for them
inside their lunchbox, or a word of encouragement or something on
their pillow. If you're not going to be home when they come back
with that, like have that channel open between them. You know, it's
very nice, you know, I mean, I tried it last week with my kids. I
left them something and when I went home, I found my daughter
wrote me something back and it's really, really Subhanallah it does
something to
The heart, I don't know what it does, but it does do something.
And I'm talking now even with our little ones, I'm not saying Shut
up, we never have to reach the extent that we have to communicate
with letters. But Subhanallah you never know, if your child just
shuts out. This is a way you could use Subhanallah, you know, write
letters, you never know what kind of impact maybe they're not going
to listen to you. As much as they will read a paper, you know, when
they can. So usually when we come to talk to them, they're kind of
like, we're like background noise sometimes, because we're always
lecturing them, and we're always telling them what to do. And we're
always directing them this do this and don't do that, but in a
different way, sometimes different methods, okay?
Okay, so
it's also important that you convey to your youth or to your
children or youth that they are the most your things in your life,
and you have to
embody this or that you have to show it to them. It can't be just
they know, you're the best thing in my life, you're the dearest
thing in my life, you have to prove that to them in your actions
and in your ways, okay. And Allah subhanaw taala himself teaches our
youth, through the story of the mother of Moses, I always keep on
coming back to the mother of Mother spotlights, like, it's a
couple of hours of the beginning of sorts of classes. It's not that
many, that so many lessons learned. Remember, when we said,
you know, in the middle, how she was hugging member less than we're
saying, you know, she was hugging her son, but then she had to throw
him into the river at the same time, which was nursing him, and
how Allah subhanaw taala even mentioned the fact of nursing
amidst the whole issue that was going with Pharaoh and killing the
men. And again, here today we're going to talk about Moses, he
says, What subhanaw taala was the half adder on the Luciferic and
incat. That law took Devi, her heart became empty, when when she
had to throw her son into the river, her car became so empty,
that the pounding of her heart is like, you know, when you have
something that's full, like a container is full of rice, when
you shake it, you don't hear that much. But it's when it's empty,
and you put like, you know, one marble in there, it's powered it
sound, the loudest sound is so loud. Subhanallah you know, her
heart became so empty. Subhan Allah took from over, you know,
the ache that she had over her son to the extent that she almost
spoke out and gave it away and said, No, this is my child's you
know, he would have been killed but she was in such pain.
Subhanallah but then Allah subhanaw taala says what Lola or
whatnot Allah called behalf had we not bound fast on her heart and
let her steadfast Subhanallah and you see when Allah subhanaw taala
speaks about different nations or Omis for example, when he's
speaking to the to the Prophet Muhammad Salim you'd see what Les
Salah communal appreciate and you're to valley whom Allah or you
ask him, it's not or in other words, it doesn't concern you
apart from what you know what's going to happen to them, whether
they're going to be forgiven Allah subhanaw taala is going to allow
them to repent or whether they're going to be what punished, okay?
You have nothing to do with it. And Allah subhanaw taala does
whatever he pleases. Okay, but when it comes to addressing a
mother, right, this is this is in general and punishment or reward
with the nation's he does say that Muhammad would, it's up to us what
we're going to do with them, but it will comes to a mother in the
Quran. Alright, Allah subhanaw taala is addressing a mother he
says, What in Nara? Do we like you throw them away? Surely we will
return him to you. He had to comfort her heart. He can just
tell her Don't worry what's going to happen to him whether we want
to forgive him or forgive him? If you want to punish them or punish
them? No. In none, I'll do like we will reject surely I'm going to
return him to Don't worry. This is a mother's heart. It's a
compassion. You see how else monetize very tiny words? You
know, it doesn't matter what we will do with the alum but when it
comes to a mother, no, we have to tell her Don't fret, don't worry,
okay. And subhanAllah The days pass in the story of Moses and
amidst the great tension you see in the eye is between Pharaoh and
the Moses and Moses and things reaching their climax like you
know, there was like, you know that the magician's are coming and
he's cutting their hands and there's all this hullabaloo going
on. It's like such an intense thing. And then Allah subhanaw
taala leads everything again, and gives full attention and misses to
the mother's compassion, seeing what follow the now either Omega
cater Kuru Hi Neha cousin. So We restored him a minimum of this an
A come see what So We restored him to his mother, that she might be
might be content and not grieved. And that you would know that the
Promise of Allah subhanaw taala is true. Again,
how Allah subhanaw taala middle of such a big thing and a big fitna
and people being killed and people being persecuted, he leaves
everything and he comes back again to a mimosa model of Musa Don't
worry, we will return to you, we did return him to you, so that you
would have inner peace SubhanAllah.
Contemplate while you read the Quran, how many times have we read
the surah? Or the story? Never thought of it. I even never
thought of it like that before. Subhan Allah didn't think about
it, and try to understand what Allah subhanaw taala is
highlighting what he is stressing on. And how Allah subhanaw taala
and other source portrays to the compassion of a father as well.
It's not just mothers but fathers as well. Prophet Muhammad is Salam
over his son who's a disbeliever. And after the waste parted between
him and his son, Noah puts up his hands and starts praying Oh Allah,
He is from my family. Right? All right, and your promises true and
that you said that you would save everybody from my family and
you're the most wise of all, you know, still making dua for him,
okay. Don't let him drown so I could speak to him once and twice
and thrice maybe you'll change
himself from being a carefree income to what to being, you know,
a believer, you see how Allah subhanaw taala he focuses on
compassion of a mother and that of a father in a book that is to be
read till the Day of Judgment Subhanallah this is what he's
talking, he's not talking about, you know, you know, invading or
jihad or No, he's talking about compassion and love of a mom and a
dad, this is what our religion is about, you know, a lot of
unfortunately, a lot of us just, you know, just take, you know, the
Quran from one side and don't look at the beauty in it, the beauty of
dealings, humanity and being merciful and having the empathy in
your heart. Now,
another story, and I have to tell you, this one, it's really really,
that really touched me. There was another mother in Egypt, and
basically, her son was also you know, giving her you know, when
they hit their late teens very hard time. And one day, he decided
just, he's going to take off, and he headed to her garden, which is
like, a little like, you know, not stay kind of like a, you know,
another city that's by the beach, and he started working there. And
she's up for a whole month, both her and her father looking for
him. They didn't know where he was, until finally they found that
that he traveled to her garden. So the mother took off after him. And
she started searching for him everywhere. She started looking
everywhere, but she couldn't find him. So what did she start doing?
She put printed pictures of him on posters and wrote it, I love you,
please come back. And she started placing it in every public place.
She went to at, you know, the police, you know, spots where they
do the, you know, check checkpoints, you know, an entrance
of restaurants, in the messages everywhere. She went to put every,
you know, posters of her son, I still love you please come back.
Okay. And one day, he saw the poster. And he went, and he came
back. But when he came back, he found their house door opened. So
he was you know, I was like, you know what's going on? He thought
something's happening in their house. He walked in. And he found
both his mom and his dad sleeping.
He woke them up, and he hugged them. And of course, they both
started crying. He's like, you know, why did you do this? And
this and that and everything. And then, after, you know, everything
calmed down. He was like, Why was the door opened? The mother
replied, the door has been open since the day you left. We feared
you would return one day, and you find the door closed. And you'd be
too embarrassed to knock on the door and walk away again.
Now, I want to say something here on the side. I know it doesn't
have anything to do with this, but I couldn't.
If these parents left the door open for their son. How about
Allah subhanaw taala store?
Do you understand no last kind of analysis, Allah subhanaw taala is
more merciful on you than they are on you than a mother a mother is
mercy on her child. History never causes subhanaw taala if the
mother left her house door open for an entire month, and they
could have been very robbed, you know, easily robbed or even you
know, somebody could have gotten taken everything in their house.
How about Allah subhanaw taala. If you come to me in daytime, I'll
accept you. If you come to me, nighttime, I'll accept you come to
me at any time, right? After anything you've done. And those of
us who say, you know, I've done so much. How can I ask pantalla
except me, Allah source always opened, doesn't matter what you've
done, or how bad you've been? Or how bad you think you are? His
door is always open for you. subhanaw taala always put that
into mind.
So what are we going to apply today? Are we going to start with
empathy and compassion? Inshallah, can we try to wrap this, I'm not
telling you don't you have to, of course, discipline your child. But
try to wrap the instructing and the ordering and the commands with
empathy and love. Believe me, it makes a difference when you go and
hug someone and tell them something versus when you point
your finger down and go do this right now. Big difference.
Subhanallah try to wrap your words with love and compassion. It's not
easy. I'm not saying it's easy. Nothing's easy. It's not meant to
be easy. We're on Earth. We're not in general, it's always going to
be easy. We're in Jannah. But here we have to work hard. We have to
try insha Allah right. And again, I'll come back to what we said
before to bring compassion to your home. In order for us to have
compassion and mercy and empathy in our home. We have to worship
together. Again, I'm gonna keep repeating this every single time
we have to worship together, worshiping brings empathy and
love, pray together and Allah subhanaw taala will put love and
mercy in each other's hearts for each other. That's the only way
and again remember the story would say no Holly and Fatima when he
told them what sit together when you're in bed together at night
and do this be 33 that Hamdulillah 33 Allahu Akbar 33 together, not
you and your room and him and his office are you him as he's here
and they're together with your children sit and make dots
together pre med group together. You have to live your husband's
not there. If you're a single mom, whatever it is with your children.
There's no excuse you have to have something with those around you.
Because with that Allah subhanaw taala brings down his mercies and
his hermit descend upon you and melt something in your heart. It
gives you some power. I don't know what it does, but it does
something to your heart towards each other how you feel for each
others Pamela
and I just add one to add one last thing and that is give your girls
more affection. I know boys still need affection but the girls need
more affection. Why? Because they're all emotion. They're drama
queens. That's how they are very emotional. You know, very, you
know, you know what I'm talking about those of you who have girls,
okay? And because what I fear until later, this may never
happen, but the end, if they don't receive this affection from you,
they might go looking for it outside elsewhere. You have to
satisfy that need that they have. Make sure your girls specific
girls and boys but girls specifically that they are, you
know, you just showered them with your emotion, your hugs and your
affection and talking and loving girls need that. And when you look
at the Prophet Muhammad Ali Salam, he had an unbelievable compassion
for little girls. And this is the Middle East, a community that used
to what they used to very girls, as soon as they're born alive. It
was like a shame. Like why should we you know, we don't want to
grow, we want to voice Subhan Allah. Once they put a colored
cloth in front of them. A prophet Muhammad said when he was praying,
and he said, Please remove it so I can pray. It's distracting me. And
another time people were fidgeting while He was praying and he said,
Can you please stay so I can focus on my prayer, I want to focus in
my prayer. And the next day, he is also SallAllahu Sallam is the one
who carried his granddaughter while he prayed. And he wasn't
just praying, but he was the man. Now try to picture this with me
bring the message and never we. And now all the companions are
there. You know, the great companions Satan, our hot dog.
What are you gonna be talking about books like all the big
companions, especially in Virginia, they're all there.
Right? And there's bill and he just got up and he gave the
attend. And then the Prophet Muhammad I send them wachsen carry
carrying his granddaughter, Ben designup, right. Daughter of his
daughter, Zaina. You know, and out of the question, you got to think
yourself, okay, he's gonna put her down. Now you need has to pray.
No, he won't. He didn't put her down. Okay, so you say okay, maybe
he'll pray to rock and then he's going to put her down. He's the
he's the Prophet. He's the messenger. He has all these great
people praying after him. No. Okay, maybe her mother's enough,
isn't there? No. Zeynep was there and she was praying there too.
This is a community that buried girls alive. And he had to show
them so I said learn how precious little girls are. But how about
the fidgeting? He was just saying I don't want any fidgeting next to
me so I can focus on my prayer. Can you imagine now he has a baby.
You know how it is when you pray? Carry your child, you carry them?
And then you put them down? And then they start pulling and then
you pull them up? How much more fidgeting is that but don't you
understand the message he's trying to convey how important little
girls are. You see and the compassion is power and affection.
This is not because I'm giving you an exam. You know, it's not
because I'm telling you don't fit. You know, it's not about fidgeting
now it's about a message to the ombre, give affection to your
girls Subhanallah Our girls are dear to us and need a lot of
affection. And our boys are also very dear to us and they need a
lot of affection. We have to start in sha Allah from today to try to
apply this method just like last time we said we're gonna hug and
at the same time let go all right. Trying Of course I know it's gonna
it's not going to take a week to apply to take us like you know a
couple of years I understand. But inshallah Isn't life we keep
practicing hug and let go today inshallah try to love that
unconditionally and try to explain that to your kids. I love you
because I love you. Doesn't matter if you want and spilt I don't know
what on the floor you did what doesn't matter, I still love you.
I love you whether you get an A or you get a C or a D I still love
you. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what you do. And believe me
Subhanallah it becomes a motive for them to make you happy because
they know that you genuinely love them. And don't just say Oh, I
love you know I love you. It's not easy practice it. You know Allah
subhanaw taala created for us a heart if emotions were haram or
not supposed to be we wouldn't have been given hearts right
around. But what else pans out the greater hearts? Yeah, of course to
put them you know, put them in the right channels, the halal
channels, but still, you know, the right places. But it's they were
there so that you can use them to show empathy to show love and to
show care. And I think the most, you know, ones that are deserving
of that are kids. There are Amana we're entrusted upon them. And we
have to make sure it's polite that you know we raised them the right
way and that we showered them with our love and keep them always in
trouble and your tools and trauma so as they grow, we're always
there for them. Charlo so on my son Mohammed one early was having
to
go home and love your kids. Okay.