Shadee Elmasry – Mothers’ Hour, Being Mom 13 (1112 missing)

Alright, so are they gonna have our ketchup?

Okay, so inshallah we're gonna continue today today is going to

be the final lecture, having to do with starting with mutual, we're

going to be continuing with sister Janet. And if you guys got my

message today in the last week of May and into June Inshallah, and

I'll agree with you on a time. So what have we been looking at in

the last couple of sessions, we've been looking at a builder dealing

with very sophisticated living beings, right? Children, children

who are not always very rational, rational, or reasonable in their

behavior, or attitude, or in their questions and queries. Sometimes

kids are just, they don't make sense in everything, anything that

they do, right. And above all, this, the soldier is not just

assigned to talk or to deal with his children. But he's appointed

to build a nation, a community, a society, and a building an entire

humanity. This filter is not just dealing with us, but he's also

dealing with what with the unseen, but why he's dealing with the jinn

he's doing and communicating with what beings from heaven to angels,

he's receiving revelation, he goes to Israel on Mirage, he goes to

heaven and even sees health, but yet he has the time to talk to

children, yet he has the time to address their concerns. Even if

there were minor concerns as minor as what a dying pet, as we said,

in the industry before innovate. And this culture is not Hasting

things, this builder is building blocks and said the first block

was the block of emotions, and the block of love the block of mercy,

the block of building a bridge that could be later used to build

other blocks on top of so this bridge of emotions, love and mercy

between the child and the parent, or the Prophet Muhammad. So Salem,

or the builder is going to transfer the other blocks. Okay,

so we said the base was the emotions, the first thing was the

emotions, okay, and if the block of our creed and as if the block

of our Creator is heavy, which it really is, and if the bridge is

weak, can you imagine if the bridge of emotions between you and

your child is weak, and you try to build up as an Arpita, what's

going to happen, the block will collapse, or will fall into a

river below. If the bridge of emotions is weak, the block of

data or worshipping will not sustain itself. And the children

will pray for a while, or they will pray when you're observing

him or her as a child as a parent. But when you're you know, or he or

she's out of your sight, he'll have other things that he wants to

do nothing to do with Iboga.

Because the Prophet Muhammad Faisal, and spent a lot of time to

build that bridge, okay, today, we're going to talk about the next

block in our building, and unfortunately, gonna be the last

one for today. I wish we could continue some more. Okay, hoping

that our kids will reach that level that we aspire for them. And

they will continue the process of building with their children we

built with them and they continue to take that on to the next

generation. Today. It's unfortunate nowadays, that we have

to sometimes demolish entire buildings to build brand new ones.

You see how kids are you see even how men or women are raised, and

you feel like you how are you going to change this person? You

have to demolish the whole building and start rebuilding from

scratch again, it's double the effort. And that's why the Prophet

Muhammad Salim says in the Hadith, I miss my beloved ones. And the

companion says, aren't we say they say, What aren't you your beloved

ones here, rasool Allah. He said, No, you are my companions. You are

my friends as hobby, but I am missing there be my beloved ones.

They said who are other that your Rasulillah they said who are also

So who are your beloved ones? Yasu Allah. So do you know who they

are? Okay, it's you. You are the beloved ones. If the Prophet

Muhammad sai Salim were to see you today, he would tell you, beloved

ones, come your other resources. And can you imagine we're gonna as

Hubble, we didn't live with him. We didn't see him. He didn't eat

with us or interact with us. But yet we're his beloved ones. He

doesn't just consider us as his companions. No, but his beloved

ones, okay. They said, y'all rasool Allah, why are they your

beloved ones? He said something explaining exactly what I'm

saying, destroying the building and building the new one. He said,

they believed in me without seeing me. They attempted to do whatever

I wanted them to do without any help from my side. You had me to

help you right? The Prophet was there to help the companions and

to guide them, and they found no one to help them. Right. And

despite we missing out on things so Roeselare Salam, yet trying to

follow his sunnah we get good news are glad tidings. What is the good

news? The good news is that whoever practices the Sunnah of

Muhammad Salah Salem, and he isn't alive, gets 50 times the reward of

the companions. Can you imagine? And the companions were as shocked

as you might be now. They said 50 times the reward of us or do we

get 50 times the reward of them weighed up were the Companions

here. You know, we're the ones who established Islam, because they

thought they were honorable, because they saw and lived apart

with the Prophet Muhammad Salam, and they truly were they're very

honorable. Okay. But here the Prophet Muhammad salaam tries to

twist the feeling of honor. He wants to make them feel that

others to could be honorable and he says no 50 times the reward of

you. So this is the good news Subhan Allah every time you try to

follow the Prophet Muhammad sai Salam you

You get rewarded 50 times the companions did, okay? What they

did, but the point here is the process of building has to

continue. And you have to build, but you for building, you have to

read and you have to educate yourself. You can't expect someone

you give them, you know, you give them the tools, the bricks,

whatever the you know all the different tools for building and

you tell them okay, go ahead build a building.

You know, they might build like a, you know, a shack or something

that would the first gust of wind is gonna fall apart. Or they'll

probably put maybe the base on the top and then the windows on the

bottom, they don't know how to build. If they don't educate

themselves, they don't know how to build and the same thing with you.

Allah subhanaw taala has given you this child, you have to start

educating yourself, how are you going to build this child, you

have to read you have to seek knowledge, okay? The Prophet

Muhammad wa salam says, Whoever is blessed with three daughters, and

he takes proper care of them, he will go to Jannah. That's the

mission, right? That's your mission, take care of the three

kids, you got agenda, your mission is to do what to take care of your

kids. So one of the companions had two daughters. So he said, you

also have Allah. What about those who have only two daughters, and

the Prophet Muhammad wa sallam said, even two daughters. And in

another narration, a companion says, how about if you only have

one daughter? And he replies, even if you have one daughter, okay? So

why don't you make it your mission of your life and seek Jana through

taking care of your own children, and on those hard days where

you're struggling, and you know, and you're trying to go through

that day, and you don't know what you know, with all these tantrums,

and all their troubles and their teenage troubles, or whatever it

is, try to visualize that you're striving for agenda, and that your

kids will be advocates of gender waiting for you. And you'll be

asking them by name, can you please open the gate for me, and

each one of them will grab a handle and open that door for you

try to really visualize that, picture that and you'll be able to

make your kids better. Alright, today, inshallah we're going to be

building the fourth block, the block of morals, and the

manifestation of all that is behavior or morals. When we talk

about a clerk or a DAB or manners, I think that before we can

manifest that truly and genuinely there has to be a concept of the

concept of data worshipping, right. And if that is not well

ingrained, and situated and built in the mind of the child, manners

will be artificial and potentials, if the kids are not doing it out

of love and fear for Allah subhanaw taala is going to be

something that they're just they're just pretending to do it.

And once you're not there, they won't care. But if they have fear

of Allah subhanaw taala, they know that Allah subhanaw taala is what

observing them at all times, they have the link of anger or

worshipping that we spoke about last time, then the manners will

fall into place very easily. Again, as we said, it's a

building, you have to take by steps, you can't just stop jump

building, either when they don't have that link with you, they

won't do it, they won't do it for you, they won't do for anybody,

they doing it for you. Once they don't have that bond with you,

they won't do it. So if you don't think your child to you, you don't

link them to the Prophet Muhammad says salam, as we said, it's very

important to tell your kids stories about the prophet to make

them love him. Because even if God forbid, say we're not here

tomorrow, nobody can work can guarantee their life, they can

have something they can always refer to. Right? If he becomes the

role model. And that's, that's your duty to make that they can

always refer to him. Right? You can sit telling your kids I am

good, I did this, I did that. But you can always tell them stories

about the Prophet Muhammad. So seldom, you could tell them about

Allah subhanaw taala and how merciful he is, if we are here for

our children, it's great that they see that in our actions and our

behavior. But if we're not here tomorrow, they shouldn't, they

shouldn't feel that the whole world collapse in front of them,

they should have something that they can refer to, they could have

somebody that they could be their guide, and that's the Prophet

Muhammad sai Salam.

And we said that if we don't build that, first the emotions and so on

so forth of reaching the iPad, right athlete and then a bed, any

wave would come and it will be very evil, you know, very easy to

destroy it to destroy the entire building that we built right? If

we don't have that built on top of each other. Now when we talk about

manners and o'clock, what do we say immediately? Look at the

outcome of a child who has been brought up by the one whom Allah

subhanaw taala says about him. We're in Nicola Hula, hula

crowding truly upon what the greatest of manners. Okay? Do you

understand what a hobby means? If you look at the Quran, it means

great, right? And if you look at the Quran, and it asks Muslims to

be well mannered, you will always notice the Quran tells you what as

you as human beings or as Muslims to have hola Hassan good manners.

It doesn't tell you to have hola Kadeem, it tells you what hola

cousin, if you always look through the Quran, that that's the term

use with us as human beings. Now, this is what you're required to

do, right to have good manners. But what is our we mean?

It was kind of Dallas telling you that a Rasool peace be upon him is

a higher status that even those who have good manners, okay,

cannot reach that step. It's not Avi, we have the greatest of

manners, and that's why we should always try to link our kids to him

SallAllahu wasallam. So any companion or any follower or any

holy person, on you know, until this day or yesterday or 100 years

ago, that existed on Earth, with the most magnificent manners and

morals and has the best of o'clock

I always be certain that the Prophet Muhammad Ali Salam is

what? Higher way higher than that person so much that he has a clock

of him great manners, not just o'clock has enough as we are

related to as human beings. Okay, do you understand the impact this

verse has when we say we're in Nicola. Hola Hola can Hassan or do

we say? No we're in Nicola hooligan. Are we truly you're not

just upon good manners but you're upon the greatest or the greatest

or the biggest of what matters. And if you look at the word or the

it's always linked with greatness, right? Allah subhanaw taala has

been the Quran has been the Day of Judgment of robbing the hellfire

and it's punishment of our theme. But the mores of the Prophet

Muhammad Salim deserve to be on that same level of greatness. Do

you ever think of that right? Hence we're in Mecca Lala Hola,

Kannada, not Allah, Allah hooligan, Hassan, you're probably

not the greatest of manners. Okay? Now imagine this Avi Satana,

Muhammad wa salam, this human being is moving on Earth, right?

interacting with other humans? Do you think there'll be artificial

in their manners? Or are they going to be superficial? Or

they're going to be pretentious? No way. There's no way. How could

you It's you said about it. Think about it. Whenever you're in the

presence of certain people, or you live with them for too long, or

you're with them for too long. Somehow somewhat, you get affected

by their event, you pick up something from them, whether you

like it or not, you find yourself either talking like them, or

acting like them, or your voice level either goes higher like

them, or it goes lower like them, depending right? Sometimes people

who are allowed when you talk with them, you find yourself without

even realizing you're raising your voice. And sometimes you walk into

a room and you're speaking to this person who's so like soft spoken,

you find yourself automatically like, oh my god, what am I doing?

Why am I screaming? You know, like crazy or what? And you bring down

your voice level. So imagine if now you're accompanying this man

who is worth walking on Earth with holo coffee, right? What is going

to be the outcome? Is it going to be superficial? Is it going to be

natural? Why? Because the other or the greatness is radiating. It's

like the sun radiating its heat from miles and miles. And you can

feel the heat you can feel the greatness of the scholar and

definitely has to impact you. Subhanallah right. And it's not

just that what you feel that feels the sorry, it's not you that just

feels the greatness of the whole look. No, it's felt by the plants,

the animals, it's felt by everything on the face of Earth's

panela everything felt that whole front of it Muhammad Sallallahu

wasallam. And you remember the Hadith, where the prophet Muhammad

wa salam used to lean on the trunk of the tree for many many months

before they built him what a member in the master that never we

write and now you sit on a chair and after you get up you know,

you'll sit and sit you know, you think about it nowadays, you sit

on a chair. And after you get up somebody else comes and sits on

this chair, you know, there's Sunday Halaqaat and Thursday

calipers Monday calipers. So many people go and come and then

eventually it's just going to be what ruined, you know, it's going

to be what thrown out in the garbage, right? And so on, so

forth. Right? But that didn't happen with a tree trunk. We see

that Muhammad, because it wasn't like these chairs. And the person

who was leaning on it was not like me and you right? It wasn't any

person who was the prophet. Can you imagine that this trunk

continued to weep after the member was built out of missing the

Prophet Muhammad Ali Salam leaving on it. Can you imagine a trunk

even the solid things nonliving things they could feel him

Subhanallah as I sell them, the greatest of men. So try to raise

your aspirations right way higher. So you can make it easy to think

about children then raised by the Prophet Muhammad say salam, if

this is how he is. So picture How are children if the tree was

impacted by him? The tree who can talk or move or understand was

impacted by him? How are the children going to be impacted by

him? Think about it. Same lino try to think of it that way okay. How

can they be not have the best of morals and manners you understand

now how these companions were who they were you know when you think

about how saved them a homicide Salim was because he was their

companion right? Even when they were little children. Now let's

move to incidents that happened right to kind of explain a little

bit more. And listen to the medic says what we keep on referring

always to an incident emetic, because he lived with the Prophet

Muhammad says Allah he says, I served the Prophet Muhammad so I

sent him for 10 years and tried to picture someone is talking to you

about their work experience you can definitely imagine especially

if you don't like your job right? What will you say oh, the salaries

this or that or the managers this or that? Or they're always whether

there's always something bothering you about I can't believe look at

the, you know, the schedule they gave me or something, something

always that nags you about it, okay. But imagine a child saying I

worked for the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu, wasallam 10 years. And

by Allah he never told me often once he didn't have a path to me

once, right? He never said to me why we said this before. He never

said to me, why did you do so? Okay, which I never asked you to

do? Or why didn't you do that that I asked you to do? When law he he

never did that? I still don't comprehend that but I don't know

how it happened. But then how say them how Selim was. But what's

interesting is that honestly Malik is using a Quranic expression

walawe Hema Connolly often caught, right. And this is a Quranic

expression that is related to what to parents, right? Well, it's an

homage to the kalam often do not tell your parents what off he's

relating to a Quranic verses little child who's 10 years old or

11 years old. Imagine Allah subhanaw taala is saying you don't

say often to your parents to have good manners, and the Prophet

Mohammed Salah Salem is not saying off to a 10 year old servant in

his house

is in this Holika we

were ordered not to tell our parents of, but the prophet is not

telling off to a little 10 year old, not his child, but a servant.

You hear now about what people do to their servants overseas. It's,

it's hideous, they treat them like I don't know, if they had a cat,

they probably cheat the cat better than what they do to these people.

Right, they sign off a contract from them taking away from them,

their kids or they can travel without their permission or this

or that. And the Prophet Muhammad SAW I sent them not saying offer

huffing and puffing to a 10 year old servant in his household. The

twist is that we are ordered not to say off to our parents, because

this is our level, right? This is what we could do to be the best,

right? But the Prophet Muhammad said Salam is even better than

that. He never ever said it to a child. Anything that is not

distressed anything sorry, that is disrespectful, never ordered

something that's disrespectful to a child, even if it was the word

half. Or

which we say how many times do we say that to our children? Subhan

Allah, not to a servant, but your own children? Do you see the

greatness and how you should lead yourself he's our role model. He's

the one that we should inspire ourselves with, right? So we can

treat our children the way we want them to come out to be the way the

companions were. And in another incident, the Prophet Muhammad

Sallallahu Sallam sends us run an errand. And he forgets and he

starts playing, we mentioned this one again, with other kids that

were playing. And suddenly he hears the Prophet what from behind

him saying what an S. And Anna says, I turned around, of course,

can you imagine like you sent your child to do something? And then

you go find them? So playing whatever with their iPad, or their

rocks or whatever? Or they're Lagos? After an hour? What are you

going to do? Like, you just, your voice is going to the neighbors

are probably going to complain from how loud your voice is,

right? But this is the prophet, the prophet who sent all mankind

he sees him. He says, No, so Allah says, what? Oh, my God, like, he

thought he's in trouble. And he says, I turned around, and I

looked at him, and he was laughing.

I don't know how but he was laughing. So he was selling. Now

imagine you asked your husband to pick up something for you. Right?

On your way back, you have some people coming over. And after an

hour, he shows up and nothing is with him? Would you be laughing?

Exactly.

She's like, No. Or imagine you ask your child to clean up something

or do something. And after an hour, you find them still playing

with what they were playing with? Would you be laughing? Is it a

context of laughter? I mean, there is nothing to urge you to live in

such a situation, you're very upset, right? How could you do

this? Or how could you not do that? Is it a context of smiling?

Or is it a cocktail of sorry, a context of approachment? Right?

And why did you do this? Or why didn't you do this? And I told you

how could you forget? And and it's the end of the world? Right for

them to relate? Who were who your talk. And I looked at him and he

was laughing? And Anna said, Did you and he said NS did you go

where I asked you to go? And I said I replied, I am going on

going?

Typical of children. Right? And the Prophet Muhammad Salam

understood, it's typical of children to forget, it's typical

of children, to see children playing and to get what distracted

by them, okay? It's normal for a child to be fascinated by other

children play and it get easily distracted. And out of this

expectation that this is typical. The Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu

Sallam laughed and smiled. We want our children to be like robots. Do

this, do that do that. Kids are kids, they need to play they need

to laugh. I know they need discipline, they need to have

their certain routine and everything. But their kids, they

still don't have that heavy weight of responsibility on their lives.

They're still experimenting, and we expect them to be like robots

do this do that. Why are you laughing? I don't think it's

funny. You should have been doing this. You shouldn't be doing that.

You know. But so you know, Muhammad Hassan understood the

nature of a child, a child wants to play in life, and therefore out

of that, he didn't have the expectation of I expect him to go

and if he sees kids, he's not going to play with them. He knows

very well, if he saw a child playing, you might very well get

distracted. That's natural for a kid. And their thing to do was not

what anything except that smile on his face. SallAllahu wasallam. Do

you know when you become angry, you become angry when you're

surprised. You become angry when you anticipate or expect

something, and it doesn't happen, right? You tell your child to do

so and so and you expect them to do it. When they don't do it. Then

you come out. Angry great. But the fact that the Prophet Muhammad SAW

Selim is smiling, shows that he knows the nature of children. And

this is exactly what we as parents should come to learn and

understand. And when you come to learn and understand that a year

old child behaves like this, you will never be angry.

That's natural.

Or even a six year old or a seven year old, you will be angry. It

doesn't mean that you become insensitive or that you leave your

role as a guide or or as an advisor. It means

that you don't become hysterical. And that you don't change the

wrong with something that even wrong or something that will break

your original bridge that you spent years and years and that

emotional bridge the bridge of confidence you got I'm saying,

because once this bridge is broken again, once this confidence is

destroyed, expect anything. Once you make your child lose

confidence in themselves and you break that bond between them, you

can expect your child to look for alternatives that your child will

lie to you expect that one day he could even hate you expect

anything, any of that he'll go look outside for another friend or

girlfriend or a boyfriend or god knows whatever again, whatever it

is, it could be that we'll just basically give them that feeling

that they're confident or give them that you know what they're

they're lacking from you know from you or what you are not giving

them basically. And the Prophet Muhammad Salim wanted to laugh and

to assure him, and I'm sure that this smile had a tremendous impact

on a soldier law and, and it made him a little embarrassed because

he saw that confidence that the Prophet Muhammad SAW I send them

gave to him. I trust that you are going that's why I'm laughing. He

smiled. He was like, I know you're going, you got destroyed, but I

know you're going. Okay. And that feeling is being radiated through

his laughter and this is what gave him the confidence to say that I'm

going now you're also I didn't wait for him to say anything. I'm

going down there. I'm going, I'm going okay. It's different than if

I read if he raised his voice and yelled at him. He would have still

gone right either way he was gonna go. But it's a big difference

whether he looks at him and smiles or did you go yet? Right versus

like, what are you doing? Why don't you go I told you like I

told you to do. He's still gonna do the same thing. But with what?

Here? You didn't break the child's confidence in here. You did what?

You broke something in them. You belittle them, right.

Okay. And then as I said, he smiled and anise went and his love

for the Prophet Muhammad wa salam did what it grew. And the proof

for that is he narrated this hadith to us when he was 60 or 70

years old. Since he was 10 years old. It's an embarrassment. He put

him on the spot in front of his friends. And there's another

narration for this hadith by Ernest that highlights another

dimension for it and he says the Prophet Muhammad Salah never

ordered me to do something that I didn't do. So there were incidents

that he didn't do what he was ordered to do. Right? Meaning that

obviously Alice sometimes didn't do something the Prophet asked him

to do, right. So and the wives of the Prophet Muhammad wa salam

would start blaming what Ennis? Okay. And he would intercede take

them 100 To sit for him saying what? Leave them alone. Okay,

Allah didn't destined for so and so to happen. So it didn't happen

faster and be like NSP. Do you know what the Prophet Muhammad wa

salam was doing here? Of course, he was educating the wives. But

more importantly, he was teaching the children about cada and cada

about predestiny. Right? Not in a way that Oh, I won't study and

just make dua to pass or in the sense where Anna's becomes lazy

and doesn't do whatever he's supposed to do. Or he doesn't

fulfill his chores. No, in a constructive way. Leave him

colorless. Let him go. Is it if he's saying it's something of the

past now? Okay. Don't sit blaming him. Don't sit, you know, like

putting oil. Why didn't you do what I told you to do? It's too

late. Like, for example, something you had to do during daylight.

Okay. Why didn't you do it? Now? We can do it call us. It's over.

It's in the past. Leave him now. Okay. But oh, Anna's think about

tomorrow and think about the future. He's educating the

household about Kedah and coddle predestiny. Equally, and

importantly, he's not blaming the child. And blaming, by the way, is

not a very good thing. Remember, we said before, and the seven

things that we must never do with a child, one of them was blaming,

okay? By the,

because by the way, it makes your child will lose their confidence,

and doubt themselves, they become hesitant, right. And I think when

children grew up being blamed, they pass on this behavior by

blaming their wives, or spouses, because this is how they were

raised, they always find the blame to put it on you. You are not

doing you're not doing why aren't you doing this? You didn't do this

happen? Because you didn't do that. And it becomes they forget

about what about my role, and they start putting the blame on the

other half. Okay. And one of the items in that block of morals is

mercy. And we spoke about mercy, I believe this in the third lecture.

So, and I know we did mention it, but we have to emphasize on this

meaning again, especially in the times that we live in, where

relations are being severe by parents and spouses and children,

and we have to talk about mercy. This is what moisturize the rest

of the relationships. When you have Subhan Allah, maybe you're

you know, you're tentative about something in the house, and just

out of nowhere, you come and show an act of mercy Subhanallah it

kind of calms down everything, you know, the tension breaks, even if

it's something even if it doesn't make sense, you know, in your, you

know, in your logic, it might not make sense to you to be merciful

towards that person or how they acted. Subhanallah you know, when

you give that mercy, it could just totally change the dynamics of the

house. Because the person in front of you sees like, oh, well, like I

did this and they're still acting this way with me, like, they kind

of like, you know, play low, a little bit of kind of like, you

know, girl, and the Prophet Muhammad Salam was a source of

radiating mercy that was absorbed by those around him. And I'll

mention a hadith narrated by Abdullah ethnographer who says, I

was with the Prophet Mohammed Salah mwah

One day, and we entered the garden and there was a camel. And when

the camel saw the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu sallam, he started

weeping the prophets that not the Prophet sorry the camel started

weeping and Subhan Allah and the fascinating thing is, this is what

happens when you accompany great people. I don't think Abdullah

Magoffin would have witnessed the camel weeping. Have you walked

alone into the garden right? But he saw the camel weeping because

he was with an amazing person and this is what happens when you

accompany great people you see great things, and the Prophet

Muhammad Salim wiped the camel on his head. And just to tell you

that wiping was not just for children, he wipes and pads

everything in anything the tree trunk, you know, the camel, the

children, and he embraces anything. He's an open arm to

anyone who needs love and care because he is Rama lol I mean,

he's a mercy to all mankind. So he writes the head of the camel and

he asks, Who is the owner of that camel? And a young boy comes and

says your rasool Allah, it's me. So he says, wouldn't you feel

Allah subhanaw taala in this animal, which Allah made you own,

he complained to me that you must feed him he starves the camel

Subhanallah and I think you should memorize this hadith and tell it

to animal rights civil rights activists, people who like tell

you the rights and this and that, and you should tell to children to

them animals talking is a marveling thing for them. Tell

them the story about the camel. You know, once upon a time this

this happened, you know, well marvel that kids love to hear

about oh animals were taught really? And how did you talk to

these speak German that year? They get fascinated by these things,

especially the younger ages. Now what is Abdullah nega getting out

of all of this, what is he internalizing? He's internalizing

the value of mercy. He's internalizing the value of

responsibility that you own this animal. And if you own it, you

cannot abuse it, and take that to the level of human beings. If you

have a spouse, that doesn't mean that you abused them. If you have

a child, it doesn't mean that you've used them because they

belong to you or you own them. And I don't mean as an beating I mean

as a neglecting them or not giving them the rights because we said

again abusing I will never speak about beating this is out of the

question. This is not something that we even have to talk about.

This is a done deal beatings are recorded, I'm talking about even

just emotional wise, right. If you own a child, it's your

responsibility. And this is a duty it's not about feeding them

properly, or dressing them properly, but treating them well

and taking care of their emotional and physical requirements. That's

your duty. And what I want you to start doing from today inshallah

is to read a hadith

and try to calculate this in your own way of thinking right? After

you understand its literal meaning try to make you know a jar to

Allah subhanaw taala to give you the wisdom to understand the

Hadith beyond the literal meaning, okay, basically, here he saw the

camel patting what the prophet sorry, comparing the camera. Okay,

fine. But what does it mean, right? And he's sort of telling

the boy that you're supposed to feed him, you have to have mercy.

But on the other side, you're responsible for loss because I'll

give you something, it's your duty. And this is what we should

say we should think about it might be just a fascinating story for

children. But for us, we should try to, you know, analyze it and

think What am I coming out of it out with it? You know, when we

read a hadith don't just read it, okay, I understand it, I

comprehend it, but what does it? How does it connect to me? How can

I apply it in my own life, you know, okay.

And abroad of raising meaning in a meeting that could be applicable

to you in the living or you know, in the status that you're in,

okay? Or wherever you are, okay? Your Allah make me feel as if this

hadith was directed to me, even if I don't have a candle. Alright,

try to understand or read the Hadith in this way. And this is

how we should be reading our Islamic texts and religion. We

shouldn't just be reading it. Okay, I'm reading it to get the

third. That's fine. That's great. I'm reading Quran to get as many

you know, deeds, one letter equals, you know, one multiply by

10. Allah can multiply what for whomever, whomever he wills, but

I'm trying to read and understand how does it relate to me? How can

I apply it directly to myself into my family into my kids, that's how

you should be analyzing anything you read in Islam, right. And if

we don't do that, our religion won't be about a shortage of bad

or praying Friday prayers. It won't be just about fasting in

Ramadan, and wearing a fancy dress and AIDS, right? It will become

your oxygen because unfortunately, we kind of get caught up in the

rituals. And we don't project think about the deeper meaning,

right? And it will become your light and your entire life is

based on this understanding. This is how we should be when it comes

to reading something in our religion. And again, if you look

at this hadith being set in a desert, where girls were buried

alive, it showed children and adults for the first time that not

only children need to be given compassion, but even animals have

feelings. Okay? They bury their kids alive, they bury girls alive

and now the prophet is getting a camel on his head.

Do you see what he's trying to convey here to them? And if they

had the right, or the tongue, or the ability to speak, they would

have spoken out and said we have been abused? Right, but they

didn't.

What a revelation for Abdullah ethnographer and imagine him now

growing up and narrating the story to his youngsters and the value is

being taught in this story. Okay, so now if we look so far, what

have we said two things that the Prophet Muhammad I said I've had

Hello Calvin, right

And the highest standard of manners and moles. And then we

spoke about the manifestation of this HELOC Robin was children,

right. And the first manifestation was mercy. And we said that he

taught them rough math, through many ways, through everywhere in

every possible way he could show whether it's a smile or a pad or a

hug, to a person to human being to a tree to an animal, whatever it

was another item that the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam would

build in the child is something related to the most significant

thing in that child's life. His parents, hence the item of manners

and added with what with parents, okay, yes, um, teacher teaching

you how to be of good manners, and so on, so forth. But how about

your parents, these are the most important things, these are the

first thing your child sees when they open their eyes as they see

you, right? You as a parent, okay? And he taught start teaching them

something called variability in being dutiful, being good,

treating them with reverence, respect, and kindness. And I'm

sure we have all heard many lectures and topics about

betrayal, but it ain't Okay. And how it's a struggle now between

generations and mothers and fathers. And I think one reason,

okay, for the lack of this harmonious process taking place of

building blocks is that we don't really focus on building we don't

have that established very well. Okay. And what I would like to

focus on is how the Prophet Muhammad Salah Salem, help

children, children internalize, build what it is, not through

rhetoric, but through examples, not telling them, okay, you have

to be dutiful to your mother, your mom, you have to do this to your

parents. No. But through examples, he was a living example.

Everything was what he modeled them if you as a role model, and

it's so much more it has such a bigger impact when you act it than

when you say it. Because kids hear all the time. They hear talking

all the time from Europe, from the school from their friends, talk,

talk talk, but sometimes they'll see something and we'll stick to

their mind SubhanAllah. Okay. And also with this hadith narrated in

the book of Muhammad, narrated by Abdullah in the alpha, and he

says, We were with the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam once,

and a man came and said, came and said, Oh, Prophet of Allah, a

young boy is dying. And we're trying to persuade him and remind

him to see that Allah, but he can utter it. You can say the shahada,

the Prophet Muhammad SAW Selim says, does he pray? So that's the

first thing he asked Does he pray? The answer was yes, he does. Okay.

Then the Prophet Muhammad Hassan felt it was a matter that needed

his full attention. So he got up and he went to see this young boy.

And around him were the companions. And he met the boy.

And he taught him see, let you know, hey, Lola, and the boys are

the Prophet Muhammad wa salam set and said, I can say it, I know it.

I understand it, and I lived for it. I said it every time in my

salah. So a relative, the boys said, Oh, Prophet of Allah, he

used to disobey his mother cannot happen, the validity, the

validity. Now look at the following question that the

Prophet Muhammad Hassan poses, right, the first thing he asked,

he's trying to say, is this boy, right? He's about to die. He says,

is his mother alive? Right? They say yes. He said, Let's go to her.

And now look at the conversation between the mother and the Prophet

Muhammad Ali Salam. And look at how the Prophet Muhammad Salam

dramatizes the situation. And he's Allah send them says to her,

imagine

if the Hellfire with its magnificent magnificant

magnificent serie is being lit for your son, and your son will be

thrown within seconds into that fire. But then someone turns to

you and says to you, you may intercede. Would you intercede,

right? He didn't speak to her about what her son did, or what

happened in the past, or was he yelling or not? He said, he's

pointing out that the boy is dying and you have the choice to

intercede. It's up to you or he will burn what what he says what

we're in LA Jara kna. Okay, a quantities final. How would you

intercede for him?

She replied, Your rasool Allah of course, I would intercede,

intercede. He disobeyed he yelled or, you know, he felt her half or

puffery didn't listen to her. But when a moment of burning or how

come I will intercede, I will forget the past. I will embrace

him. I might even throw myself in the Hellfire to protect him. Then

the Prophet Muhammad SAW said Lim said, then say Ya rasool Allah, I

bear witness that I will intercede and she says, I did witness your

Rasul Allah that I will intercede. Then the Prophet Muhammad SAW I

said lamb went back to the boy who was still alive, thank God and

told him si la ilaha illallah wa wa Sharika was shadow under

Muhammad and Abdullah Sulu. And the boy said it and the Prophet

Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam says what All Praise be to Allah Who

saved him from hellfire and hamdulillah let's see what that

German Allah Subhan Allah this is the the relationship here between

what the child and the mother and deliver it in and I want to share

another Hadith about vulnerability but another you know better one

shot like this was a little bit one scary but we'll have something

a little bit more on the positive side. And he said he narrated that

he should the Prophet of the wife of the Prophet Muhammad Salim who

is by the way was only 18 years old when the Prophet Muhammad says

salaam died right? And she said I entered he said she says that the

Prophet Muhammad Salim said

I entered Janna to visit right during what Illustra and Mirage.

So I heard someone reciting Quranic beautiful voice, and I

said who is that? They said to me this is harder to ignore man, a

companion to the Prophet Muhammad wa sallam said, Cadet ecomobility

Chaotic Mulder, that is the destiny of someone who is dutiful

to his parents, because it was known amongst the Companions

amongst the whole city, that the most dutiful of the companions to

his parents was who and how to tame the normal Subhanallah the

Prophet Muhammad Salah Musa you didn't ask a why would why is he

recited? Why do I hear his voice reciting in Jannah? Right? When he

wasn't even Dario, how could I hear his voice? He knew right away

you even ask what he was doing right? He knew straight away. And

the commentator on this hadith says and he was dutiful to his

mother. He knew because he had been that dutiful, over, you know,

being dutiful to his mother. He knew right away. That's why That's

why he was reciting with his beautiful voice in what agenda now

compare between the one who was about to be thrown in hellfire,

and between the one who was dutiful to his mother or his

parents. And this is something that is your duty, how to teach

your kids to have very to you, whether you can show it to them by

exemplifying or showing it to them how you are with your parents, or

even know telling them stories. If your parents aren't around

anymore, then you can tell them how you are with your parents. Or

how you know maybe you wished you were to be you know with your

parents, show them how to do better show them go kiss your

parents hands in front of them, teach them how to have better to

you how to be dutiful to yourself. Now imagine Hadith a hearing the

story and then passing it on to his children. You see how it's you

know the building of blocks has been inherited, and that will hurt

your rates and sorry

that the Prophet Muhammad wa sallam saw a man and with him a

boy. So the Prophet Muhammad says salam asked Who is this, the boy

replied, he's my father to Prophet said then don't walk in front of

him and don't do anything that will provoke him to insult you.

Basically Don't be the cause of your father what doing a sin Okay,

as for the walking in front of him this color say like Some scholars

say you should walk behind your father or behind your father

during your day or your parents during the day and in front of

them to protect them during the nighttime right kind of a

bodyguard. But wherever, whatever way, it was explained by the by

the scholars, the bottom line is try to show respect to them.

Right, if you father's work, you don't just go ahead of them and

teach that your children it's your duty. Don't come and complain when

your kids grow older, that they're not what being dutiful, they're

not being respectful, if you don't teach them how that respect is.

Don't expect it from them later. Okay. And in another Hadith, a man

came to the Prophet Muhammad say salam and told him all prophet of

Allah, I have committed a major sin. And this is important to

understand guys, sometimes you hear people reading about the

companions and then they say, Oh my God, how could have they done

this with that? The companions are not saints, they're not holy,

okay? They're human beings, they sin and they learn and so on so

forth. Of course, they were much more privileged because they lived

with the Prophet Muhammad sai Salam, but they're human beings

are we're all human beings that human beings are created to sin,

but they always did what they always knew the wrong and they

repented intensely. They like the once they did something, they went

right away into repented. And it was a genuine repentance. It

wasn't just like, oh, I repent. And then the next day I'm like,

you know, kind of sort of, you know, swaying back and forth.

Okay. The Prophet Muhammad and send them right away, asked him

what he didn't ask him. Do you pray? Do you fast? Do you do to

hedgerows? You know this or that? Have you done harsh? He said, What

do you have a mother

is a girl so he made it a major sin? Do you have a mother? The

young man replied, No, your rasool Allah. What do you think the next

quote? Next question would be? Maybe it asked Do you have a

father or do you have you know, something like that? Or did you

fast or can you faster? Do you have money to get for the sake of

Allah? Whatever? No. He says, What? Do you have a maternal aunt,

a sister to your mother? He replied, Yes. Yeah. Rasool Allah.

Rasool Allah Salam said what then can borrow on behalf the beauty be

dutiful to her.

The mother is not here. It's your aunt then. The closest one to your

parents. Hello. There are many morals that the Prophet Muhammad

says Selim instilled in children, in addition to better read it in

and one of them is adapt even with your own siblings. And in the

Hadith Narrated by Abu Hurayrah. The Prophet Muhammad Salah Selim

says, Whoever points just points even with a stick at his brother

to scare him, then the angels curse him. Even if he's your own

brother. Can you imagine? No, of course potential danger has to be

it doesn't have to be a metal stick, or was it just pointing

like, you know, intimidated? Like, how could you do it like well, we

see the older siblings, you know what they do to the younger ones,

you know, even that Subhan Allah, He is building the awareness

against caring others. He is creating sensitivity. He's making

you become sensitive towards other people's feelings, especially your

siblings. And the Prophet Muhammad has said I'm did this with what

are my respects, and he did this with the camel, and now he's doing

it with even pointing out handed someone. Many examples for you to

internalize and Institute the simple character, which is mercy

and Kiran sensitivity. And another adult or mentor the Prophet

Muhammad says

Some of them taught the kids was preserving their identity, not

behaving away just to be accepted, or to dress or act in a way to

they're not what? secluded or left out. And when I say preserving

identity, I don't mean it in a negative way, or an aggressive

sense. Not at all. Okay? But I mean in a decent and dignified

way. And to clarify more, let me share with you a hadith narrated

by a child to Abdullah Abdullah Ahmed, and he says the Prophet

Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam saw a young boy shaving parts of his

head and leaving parts of his head. You know, how punks are now

like you have the little, you know, that cool thing that was out

in the 80s or whatever. And it seems this boy was trying to

follow a trend in back then. Or he was trying to be distinct and you

know, outstanding and noticeable, like people like, oh, wow, look at

him, you know. So the Prophet Muhammad wa sallam told him you

either shave it all, or you keep it all okay? And I believe the

Prophet Muhammad Salim wanted the child to be dignified, and have

you know, two distinct, you know, have a distinct identity and not

just be a follower, like a sheep following whatever magazines fell

upon you. This is the fashion this year, or this is what the TV tells

you. This is how you should be, you know, dressed up, or these are

the kinds of fashion Oh, you don't wear white before, I don't know,

may 1, what is it? I don't know what it is, whatever it is, they

tell you, No, you should do this, oh, no, this is out of fashion,

you can do this, or you have to be wearing the silver cord, whatever

it is okay. And secondly, teaching the child to be independent. So

when he sees maybe a best friend, or a famous person that they're a

fan of, okay, they will know that they have principles and rules

that are guiding them, and they shouldn't just blindly imitate.

Okay, and this is something very big I'm sure we can all relate to

nowadays. And again, that's why I always have to keep telling you

link your children to the Prophet Muhammad says and then make him

the role model, you will Wallahi this is going to just cut out so

many problems that you might face later on. If he's the role model,

you don't have to worry about what they're going to be wearing, how

they're going to be acting who's going to be different, because

this is who they love. This is who they're attached to. Okay, and I

spoke of the hair and you could weigh on this the way of dressing

the behavior, the hijab, certain words or certain actions or manner

or attitudes. Are you articulate, articulating your identity as an

American Muslim? Or are you articulating your identity as

someone who wants to be liked, and to be just accepted, and to be

just going along with the flow?

Something that we can internalize and think about? Okay, so I'm

going to end up with that inshallah. But I want you to sit

and think and Shala please refer to whatever we took so far, what

are the seven things we cannot do with our kids? Right? What are the

ways that the Prophet Muhammad has approached how we spoke about

punishment or how it was totally not allowed? It wasn't even okay,

how we spoke about punishing sometimes for things that were not

even okay to punish for? What were the challenges from Mercy from

understanding from finding what we said, we have mercy with everybody

around us. We're understanding what those around us. Let's bring

that mercy into our homes and shop and try to bring back the family

together, punishing, or trying to always be on the case of your

children only built this like neglected and isolated islands

inside your home. And it doesn't do any good. You're trying to

bring your family back together in sha Allah. So with mercy and

guidance and trying to link your kids to the Prophet Muhammad Salim

I think that's the best way. It's the way I would say that, you

know, that your savior like how they say, you know, they, they

throw that little though what's it called?

What's it called? lifesaver, you know, the lifesavers that's that's

your lifesaver, basically insha Allah okay. So please try to refer

to that and you know, and try to stick to it until again, as I

said,

Let's just end over here and then after that, I'll discuss with each

other about the following

lectures inshallah.