Sarah Sultan – Noble Lessons – When Someone Breaks Your Heart

			When we go through a situation where somebody has hurt us, or has betrayed our trust, or has
disappointed us really intensely, the emotions that we feel can be so powerful that we can almost
feel them physically. A lot of times people describe being betrayed by somebody else feeling like
you've been punched in the stomach. That's how intense the emotions are, when we feel like we've
been betrayed by someone. And what's really unique about a situation where we've been betrayed,
right at the top of the trauma of betrayal is that it's twofold. That first we experienced the
situation where we suddenly realize that somebody that we have been vulnerable with somebody that
		

			we've tenderly placed our trust with has lied to us and broken that trust. And then the second part
is that we suddenly realize that we have been duped, right, that we've been fooled into being able
to trust this person for such a long time. And then we suddenly realize that we've been lied to. So
we start to doubt that person, but we also start to doubt ourselves and wonder how did I not pick up
on the signs for so long? What sometimes happened with the experience of betrayal is that it extends
to a lot of different parts of our lives, including our relationship with Allah subhanaw taala,
where if somebody that you've trusted so deeply, could betray you, you wonder, can I ever trust
		

			again? Should I risk trusting again? And we can even start to doubt? Can I even trust Allah subhanaw
taala. And that can be a very scary thought for a lot of us. So why do these thoughts develop the
struggle that we can sometimes have in even trusting others pantalla is something called falls under
the umbrella of something called overgeneralization. And this is a cognitive distortion.
overgeneralization basically means basing our complete view of the world and people on one single
event, or one single bad occurrence, that that happens in our lives. So basically, it's the idea of
carrying an umbrella with you, because you've experienced one rainy day, and you have this umbrella
		

			over your head constantly, right. And so we're always expecting that because one person hurt us that
every single person will hurt us. And we try to protect ourselves from feeling hurt, and from
feeling disappointed by never allowing ourselves to trust a person in order to prevent ourselves
from getting hurt. So one thing that is important for us to be aware of when we're thinking about
this thought is how it develops, right, in order to be aware of the way our thought process
develops. One thing that I think is a really powerful reminder for all of us, is that a lot of times
our relationship with everybody that we that we encounter, but even our relationship with Allah's
		

			past data can emulate our previous relationships. So our relationship with Allah can often be like
our relationships with people that we've experienced. So if people have heard us, then we assume
that LS patata will hurt us, even though rationally we know that this is not true. So one tip that I
want to leave you with to consider in order to try and overcome these over generalizations of the
thoughts that we might experience is to ask ourselves, what first of all, are some of the thoughts
that we experienced that are overarching themes that we imagine our entire life is going to fall
into? Right? And then ask ourselves? Is there any evidence that you could have? What would you need?
		

			What evidence would you need in order to see that this overgeneralization is not true? And once you
can determine, Okay, what evidence do I need in order to feel like I can actually trust someone? For
example, then for ask yourself, Does this evidence exist? Does it already exist? Because it might be
there, but we just don't see it. And so with regards our relationship with Allah subhanaw taala, for
example, that evidence is already there. If we just look at it, every breath that we take is
interesting, Allah's pantalla that our lungs will expand to accept it. Every time we take a bite of
food, it's trusting all those parts out of that that bite of food is going to provide nourishment.
		

			So the evidence that we can trust is there if we just look for it, so try and explore that
inshallah.