Sarah Sultan – Noble Lessons – What To Expect From Your Marriage

			I, for example, enter a marriage.
		

			And my expectation from that marriage is that this other person needs to fill me and complete me and
make me happy and make me feel good about myself and everything that was broken inside of me. Now
you need to fix it. That's a lot of expectations.
		

			And that is not something another person can do for you. What are your expectations for marriage?
Right, having realistic expectations? Because I'll tell you like, that's one of the major issues
that tend to come up right, where people have completely unrealistic expectations. And it makes
sense that people have unrealistic expectations, right? Like we have all of this media, like, forget
about just movies and things like that. Yeah, movies, we all know, a TV shows we all know, are
completely unrealistic portrayals of healthy relationships, right? We know that. But even more are
what real people portray through media through social media. Right? Real people, and the way that
		

			they portray their relationships on social media are completely false and completely unrealistic.
One of the biggest problems is we that we have, in terms of marriage is this false expectation. It
is false on so many levels.
		

			The idea that they sell you,
		

			in Hollywood, and Bollywood, and all other woods
		

			is that when you get married, Prince Charming or whatever is going to complete you is going to save
you
		

			is going to now fix everything that was broken.
		

			And as soon as you get married, you automatically get transported to Jenna. Right? Everything's
perfect after that, you know, happily ever after me.
		

			Right?
		

			We think about marriage in this very bizarre way.
		

			It's bizarre because
		

			because we think that somehow marriage is going to fix everything.
		

			That's somehow finding our soulmate.
		

			And I do believe that
		

			I do believe
		

			in the concept of soulmates and I'll explain that. But this idea that we find our soulmate, and then
that person is going to be my savior, that person is going to fix everything for me, I wasn't happy
for the all the rest of my life all the sudden I'm going to be happy. Well, you're in for a big
surprise.
		

			And this is when people crash, complete disappointment, because you had a false read, you know, I'm
reasonable expectation. You're expecting a human being to be like a law.
		

			You're expecting a human being to heal you. Only Allah can heal you. You're expecting a human being
to complete you. Only Allah can complete you.
		

			You're expecting a human being to save you. And only Allah can save you. No Prince Charming can do
it.
		

			No Prince Charming can save you. One of the most important things to understand about yourself
before marriage is what are your expectations for marriage? Right? having realistic expectations?
Because I'll tell you like that's one of the major issues that tend to come up right, where people
have completely unrealistic expectations. And so this all or it's called All or nothing thinking
black and white thinking, right? It's either I get everything or it's not worth it. And that's what
shaitan really aims for us. Right? So the next time that you notice that you're feeling overwhelmed
that you're feeling angry, stressed out if you're down on yourself or on other people.
		

			Then consider whether your standards are to blame, whether your standards are too high, right and
then go ahead and, and re address those standards. Consider how you might change them. Consider
whether they're realistic. If somebody were holding me up to the same standards, would I be able to
achieve them? Or if you're being really hard on yourself, if I were holding somebody up to the same
standards, would they be able to achieve them? Right