Safi Khan – Soul Food Imam al Ghazali on tawakkul, ikhlaas, and riyaa
AI: Summary ©
The importance of trusting oneself and others when dealing with relationships is emphasized. It is crucial to develop a strong relationship with Allah and not let fear or sadness hold you back. It is crucial to show oneself sincerity and avoid feeling sad. It is also important to avoid showing one's true deeds and to be mindful of one's behavior. It is crucial to show one's sincerity and forgive one's shortcomings.
AI: Summary ©
For those of you who are in the
back, if you guys wanna just come up
a little bit closer
and join us
just because
I like to see everybody.
So we are continuing on with the 18th
piece of advice.
And in the 18th piece of advice that
Imam Al Ghazali gives to his student,
he's talking a lot about having like a
teacher,
having people to depend on, having someone to
mentor you. Mentor you. Oh, you can take
your mask off, either, if you
want. Dog wise. You don't? It's hot.
K. So
having somebody to mentor you
sorry. Many of you.
Mom looked outside. Can you get him, please?
So
I just straight up walked out. Yep. He's
like,
looks really nice out here.
Having someone to mentor, having someone to be
your mentor,
having somebody to ask questions to,
and being able to really,
have some life to depend on. And something
that I know I haven't been here for
actually it's like been exactly like a month
and a week I would have not been
here so I miss you guys a lot
just to say that. But something that is
important to realize is that he's given this
advice towards the end of the book.
And the reason why is because he's talked
about so many different, like, things of development
and you can only reach a certain point
by yourself. It's not saying that like you
can't be independent or whatever the case may
be. It's saying that there's sometimes where people
see different things in you and they can
help you reach at your, like, bigger potential
than you can even see for yourself. Right?
So there are so many things that you
can work on for yourself, but having a
mentor literally
is someone
who basically
has lived life, who knows the ins and
outs of what you want to do, and
can help you reach your highest level of
potential.
So he's talking about this. Now,
in having a mentor, you'll see that now
he's talking about the questions
What
does
What does mean? Yes. Okay.
What does that mean? What does it mean
put your trust in law?
Like,
no matter what you're going through,
whether hardship or easy stuff, you put in,
like, trust in the law, that you have
a better plan for you. Okay. Anybody else?
Having closure that that will what is next
for you will come because I'm
Okay. Very good. Yeah. Yeah. How you said
having closure? Yeah. Okay.
That what is meant for you won't pass
you. Anybody else?
Got to take out my gun.
No? Alright. So having trust in Allah,
making sure that you recognize that what is
meant for you will not pass you,
and then also
knowing that Allah has your back. So he
says that you asked me about
and he
says,
He says it means that you strengthen
your belief in everything
that is promised that
is promised by Allah.
Now
all the things that you guys said is
very correct because he's gonna talk about that
next.
But trust
is something
that
do you just see a person down the
street and you trust them automatically?
No. Right? You may not necessarily think bad
about them. Right? You don't think like, oh,
this person's probably like the most horrible human
being walking down the street. So you don't
think bad about them, but you don't really
trust them. You ever, like, ask somebody to
watch your bag or something at Starbucks
and you have, like, a lot of anxiety
while you're gone? You're like, man, I probably
asked the thief to, like, watch my stuff.
Right? You don't automatically
trust them.
That is Allah has
presented himself to us and he tells us
all the time to trust him. But as
human beings, we are naturally where we have
trust issues, you know. We're like, well,
I trust the love, but let me do
all of these things. I trust the love,
let me do all of that that stuff.
You develop a trust for a person once
you've gotten to know them.
Right? When you get to know them, you
trust them a little bit more. When you
spend time with them, you have a little
bit more trust. When you hang out with
them, there's more trust. You tell them something
and they keep it confidential,
that's that helps develop the trust. They help
you out in times of need. That helps
develop your relationship more when you trust them.
What I'm getting at is that our tawakkal,
when we say that you have to rely
on Allah, have a trust in Allah,
it's it's a lot easier said than done
when we just talk about it. We're like,
Yeah, you just put your trust in Allah.
But it comes with
actually working on your relationship between you and
Allah.
Okay? You have to put an effort and
work on your relationship between you and Allah
because it's not about Allah, it's about us.
Right? It's about how we are able to
feel that trust that we have of God.
And trust in Allah is actually a huge
part of faith.
Why? Why is it a huge part of
faith?
I could give you guys the answer, but
I don't like doing that. Feels good to
be back.
Why? Why is it a huge part of
faith?
Anybody?
You guys remember I like to call on
people too. Right? Okay.
Tell me.
You'd like to know the answer. Yeah. Because
if you don't trust the man above who
created you, then how are you gonna like,
how can you worship him
and, like,
acknowledge him as their god if you can't
even trust him? Very good. How can you
acknowledge Allah as god
if you can't even trust him? That's a
very good point. K?
What else?
What else? What else is a huge part
of it? Because it's just, like, not everything
is always gonna be
Very good. Not everything is gonna be like
a walk in the park. Not every part
of life will be a walk in the
park. It won't always be rainbows and sun
sunshine. Okay?
And you have to trust that Allah is
gonna see you through that time.
It's also a huge part of faith because
literally there's an aspect of faith and we
say all the time in, like, little sayings,
will I take a leap of faith, this
is a leap of faith. There's very huge
chunks of your belief that is just that,
a leap of faith. Okay?
And what that means is that it makes
no logical sense.
You don't
know how it's supposed to work out. You
don't foresee it working out. You're like, my
brain cannot comprehend why this is a good
thing happening.
You know what I'm saying?
And
the what makes me be able to understand
this the most,
or what makes what really resonates with me
is the story Musa
where Allah
says that, you know, he's called onto this
mountain
and he's standing there. And Allah
tells him, when I turn to
I've specifically chosen you, So listen to what
I'm about to tell you. Then he gives
me some, like, basically, the rundown of, like,
religion.
I'm one god. Worship me. The way you
worship me is by praying. When you pray,
you remember me. And then he says the
end of times is coming and recognize that,
you know, you should keep good people around
you so that you make good decisions.
And then he says to Musa alayhis salam,
what is in your right hand, O Moses?
Musa alaihi sallam then tells him that
It's my stuff. I lean on it sometimes.
I use it to get the leaves down,
shepherd, do all these things and some other
stuff with it. Then Allah tells him to
throw it down.
Does that make any sense?
No. Doesn't make any sense.
If I'm telling you that I use this
as a sense of support
to lean on. Right?
And then you tell me to the thing
that you use as support, I want you
to throw it down.
Does that make sense?
No. But Musa did what?
He threw it down.
And then it became a swift moving snake.
Does that make
sense?
Some of y'all said yes. I don't wanna
know what kind of what kind of snakes
y'all got in your backyard,
and can I watch from a distance? Okay?
He threw down his staff and became a
swift moving snake.
Then Allah Subhanahu tells him
and the narrations that talk about how, like,
the snake was not it's not a garden
snake. K? It's like a ginormous snake with
fangs. He's on top of a mountain. He
is there. He is talking to God. This
is not a normal situation.
Okay? He is scared.
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says to him,
hutha wallaata haf. Pick it up and don't
be scared.
Does that make sense?
How many of you guys will pick it
up and not be scared?
Nobody.
Mohammed says yes. Okay. This young is in
the room. This is why your your name
is You know he walked outside. Right?
Yeah. Pick it up and don't be scared.
Just some of the scholars say that this
was Musa alayhis salam's, like this was Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala telling him, listen. I've got
you.
You. I've got you. That there are miracles
that happen in your life. There are things
that happen in your life to show you
that even though the situation does not make
sense, guess what?
Allah will have your back.
You fast forward to very much so years
later,
times later, when he does face off with
Sarahoun,
and what happens? They get to a place
where there is like a dead end.
And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala tells him to
strike the sea.
And this is in a much more high
stakes situation
than when he was on top of the
mountain because when he was on top of
the mountain, it was just him. If he
died there, it was just him.
Now he's freeing
hundreds of people
from oppression.
And a lot of times, did you watch?
Strike the sea. Did Musa alaihi wasalam hesitate?
No. Why? Because he had trust in God.
But his relationship with Allah, we see it
in the Quran, what he
has put in work for that. Because even
after Allah gives him those miracles in the
beginning, and He shows him his staff turning
into a snake and then He tells him
to put his hand underneath his arm and
it becomes like this fluorescent white,
He tells him, these are our signs. Go
to Fiton. Let him know that he's a
crazy person and he's a transgressor and he
likes to go through people like he has
to take over people's,
lives and he oversteps,
Musa alaihis salam still does what he still
gets scared.
Because then he says to Allah,
expand for me my chest. That means you
ever have a speech
that you gotta give or you gotta talk
to somebody in person, like, in especially since
COVID, you know. Now we're going back to
talking to people in person, like, your heart's
beating
or you you have something you really have
to do or say something,
confrontation, something, and your heart feels like it's
about to pop out of your chest.
Musa Alastairam saying, You Allah, expand for me
my give my my heart room to beat.
And make my manner easy for me.
Untie the knot from my tongue, acknowledging his
weaknesses. So that people may understand my speech.
And give me someone from my family that
can, like, help me out.
Like, a person who's like that. He's like
my right hand man.
My mother.
Make strengthen my back with him. And
we can share this situation together.
He's still scared. Like, god turned his stick
into a snake,
and he is still terrified about the mission
that he's on.
And Allah tells him, absolutely, this dua, I've
given you everything.
I'm answering your du'a. But he says,
Don't forget that you have been favorite times
before.
Like, there are so many other times
where Allah has had our back.
Tawakkul is something that sometimes we don't even
realize it.
Allah has been there for you
in every single moment of your life.
Sometimes you recognize it and it's that time
when you actually make it up for fajr
and you
excuse me actually in the corner and you're
actually praying, you know, you're making dua. You
ever been like in a situation where you
feel like your back's against the wall
and only
being that can help you is Allah? Like
nobody else can even understand what you're feel
like you don't even understand what's happening. You
don't even know why you're sad. You don't
know why you're upset. You don't know if
you're sad, upset, or happy. You don't know
what's happening.
You're like, I just you're like, Allah, I
just need you to fix it. I don't
know what it is.
I just need it to get together.
And you put your you put your trust
in Allah so much again,
not realizing that there are so many other
times when Allah has had your back.
There's so many other times when Allah has
helped you out.
So is something that I don't know where
my hijab went, like, away. K?
Is something that for us to feel it,
not for Allah. Allah is always there. But
for us to feel it, it's so important
that we are able to constantly
develop our relationship with Allah.
The more you develop your relationship with Allah,
the more you're able to actively put your
trust in Allah.
Right? And the more you're able to actively
feel yourself putting your trust with Allah. And
that's how it goes with any other relationship.
That the more you get to know that
person, the more you spend time with them,
the more you're able to trust them. So
then he goes on and he says
that putting having,
it means that you believe that whatever has
been destined for you will reach you.
Whatever is written for you will reach you.
That you don't feel like you've you've been
gypped,
You know? Sometimes we make some do offer
something
and we really wanna get into that school
or we really wanna get that internship.
Right, or we really want that job,
and someone else gets it and you feel
like they stole your opportunity,
that's how you feel.
They got into the school you wanted. They
got the job you wanted. They got whatever
it is that you wanted, and you've been
making do all for it. And all of
a sudden, you find yourself saying, like, they
don't even pray as much as I do,
or they don't even do this as much
as I do, or this person didn't even
study half as much
as I did. How dare they get something
that I was supposed to get? How do
you know that you were supposed to get
that?
That's the question.
What in life guaranteed you that you will
give that?
Nothing.
Nothing.
It's not meant for you,
and
you have to trust
the ones what's best for you. That's why
he didn't give it to you.
Even if it doesn't feel like it, even
if it doesn't seem like it, even if
it doesn't smell like it.
You're like, I don't understand how this at
all can be a positive situation.
It is.
Because Allah always wants what's best for you.
And then he says
that even if everybody in the universe should
strive to keep it from you,
Whatever has not been written for you will
never reach you even if all of the
creation have strived to assess to assist you
in it. And this is going back to
a narration of the Prophet
when he gives advice.
He says if the whole world was to
gather together to harm you, they will not
be able to harm you unless by the
will of Allah. And if the whole world
was to gather together to benefit you, they
will not be able to benefit you except
by the will of Allah.
That every single person in this room can
make du'a for one thing for somebody in
here. If Allah doesn't find it to be
what's best for that person, it will not
happen.
And you have to be it's about being
okay with that.
It's about saying, okay. This hurts now, but
I know and I trust that my lord,
my Allah, my oh, the one who nourishes
me, take care of me,
my caregiver, the one who has given me
everything that I have now,
will not
forsake me,
will not do something to me that's harmful,
that there's some greater good here. That's that
is what it is. It is recognizing,
okay, I trust Allah enough to just
have faith.
That's why it's a leap of faith.
So tawakkal is having that level
of reliance of Allah, and you get that
by developing constantly developing a relationship with Allah.
And part of developing a relationship with Allah
is getting to know who Allah is.
The names of Allah are very important, you
know. When you recognize Allah as a jabaad
and that means to basically put hearts together,
the one that puts things together,
you are now have a more emotional connection
to that. When you know what Allah is,
Al Razaq, he's the one who provides. You
have more of an emotional connection to that.
When you know that Allah is an Akbar,
he's the greatest, you have more of a
connection to that. You get to know Allah
by His names and His attributes and His
His book. And so this is the first
thing that,
that the that, Imam Abu Ghazali talks about
here in the last section. The next two
things we'll have
cover them inshallah. Okay. Alright.
Everybody. From
Rasoolah. Alright. So
similarly, Imam Ghazali, what he's doing here is
he's taking very big concepts
because you just I mean, you could tell
that Salafatma just gave us, like,
If someone just asked, like, what is,
and then she just took 18 minutes to
explain it, which is good because that's just
how that's how deep these things are.
And,
you know, to think of something without reflecting
on it is not doing it it's not
doing it it's it's service. Right? Like reflection
is key. So Imam Ghazali, one of the
great things about his books is that he
like helps you reflect on things before
you close the book on them so you
can understand them. So the next two things
he actually addresses for us, he defines for
us, they're actually opposites.
Well, one is the opposite of the other.
So what are those things? He says, You
asked me about sincerity. What does it mean
to be sincere?
What does sincerity for Allah's sake mean?
Sorry, my back. What does it mean?
Anybody when I said, do you for the
sake of Allah, what does that mean?
Actually, I had a conversation this morning with
somebody.
Very difficult situation,
but it was a proof of sincerity.
Oh, sorry. Honest. Give me a little bit
more.
Honest is right. That's that's kind of a
good way of understanding. It's a nice it's
a word that we're not you don't hear
very often, coupled with sincerity, but honest in
what way?
Okay.
Maybe you're in a situation where, like, saying
the truth
is not going to benefit you.
In fact, in this dunya, it's actually going
to
harm you. Right?
Okay? So but you do it because you
know that saying the truth is ultimately what?
Yeah, lying is not the right thing to
do. And when a person lies, why is
lying so problematic by the way?
It shouldn't matter, right? My body, my choice,
right?
If I, right? I mean, lying is,
can I lie? Well, the problem with lying
is that similarly to everything by the way,
that concept, my body, my choice
becomes problematic
when it's misunderstood.
Right? Exceptionally sure.
But we do believe that humanity is interconnected
in some ways.
Right? Yes, of course, my body, my choice
means I can go to sleep whenever I
want, etcetera. But SubhanAllah,
the more you realize how interdependent people are
on each other, like take my family for
example. I got 2 kids,
4a half and 2a half. Last night,
they had a stomach bug yesterday, basically.
Last night, they were they were struggling.
Okay?
So I wanna go to sleep. My body,
my choice.
My kids are crying at 2 in the
morning because they're sick.
I mean, like, you see what I'm saying?
I could technically be like, I wanna sleep,
My choice is sleep. I wanna get rest,
but it's not how the world works.
You know what I mean? So why is
lying so problematic? Well,
if you lie,
it's you're lying. Right? But if you get
away with it, what ends up happening?
You get away with it in this life.
A bigger problem comes up. What do you
mean by that?
Yeah. So lying,
lying is so problematic
that nothing
sorry. The truth is so powerful
that it doesn't need support.
Like, when you say something that's true, it's
just true.
Lying is so weak that it needs more
lies.
And what happens is you you have to
keep you dig a hole. Right? You gotta
keep going. Then what's crazy is what if
a person let's say that, you know, you
can't escape God, but let's say that you
escaped people, like people just kinda like gave
you whatever.
Then what happens? You start lying more because
you got away with it once. And when
I say got away with it, understand that
I'm doing, like, got away with it because
ultimately we know that everyone's gonna answer. Right?
So you get away with it once, like
you cheat on an assignment. I'm sorry. I
don't mean to make you guys uncomfortable.
Right? You're like, don't you mean to do
homework? I'm like, no. That's cheating. Right?
When you cheat on an assignment, you get
away with it. Teacher never catches you.
You do it again and again and again
and again
until you get caught, and you're like, oh,
wow. This is actually wrong.
You know what I mean?
So
honesty
is something that actually is not just about
you.
It actually affects the whole society because what
ends up happening is like,
man, how, I mean, you can take this
to so many levels.
If you get comfortable lying when you're young,
then you lie when you're older,
you lie to your employer, you lie to
your friends, you lie to your spouse, you
lie to your kids. It's not just you
anymore.
Right? You shouldn't believe the what. Yeah. And
then and then, yeah.
Is very powerfully. The the the biggest consequence
of sinning in this life is that
you show the ability to do it.
You know, you show yourself what a monster
you've become.
You
know,
so if you lie to your spouse or
your kids,
that's hurting them.
You know, so many relationships,
people can't even trust each other anymore.
You don't think that hurts other people?
But it was my choice. I can lie
if I want to. Yeah, but you just
hurt your, now your wife can't even talk
to you anymore. Your kids can't even look
at you anymore
because they caught you in a lie.
Your friends don't even want to talk to
you anymore. They don't want to hang out
with you. So in reality, nothing that we
do is actually isolated from everything else. That's
one of the lies that the dunya sold
us when we bought it,
was that I can do what I want,
and it doesn't bother anybody else. Name me
one thing that you can do, and it
doesn't bother somebody else.
The reality is everything we do at some
point or another will impact, it'll bump into
somebody.
That's why as much as we can, we
do our best.
We try, right? And if you try your
best, that's all Allah wants
Because you can't be perfect all the time,
but if you try, that's all Allah is
asking for.
So
honesty is a big deal with Ikhlas. What
does he say? It's really powerful. What's a
sign that you know you're being sincere though?
One of the signs you mentioned, you do
the right thing,
even when it's going to cause you difficulty.
That's a sincere person.
I mentioned that I was with somebody this
morning, we were in a situation where this
came up.
So true. SubhanAllah, so true.
I was sitting with a couple of people
and they had to make a very difficult
choice
in their personal life.
And SubhanAllah,
they started like crying.
It was so emotional, they started crying because
they were unsure what Allah wanted them to
do. Like what was the right thing to
do in this situation? They were unsure.
So they started getting emotional. And then the
wife, she said, I just don't want Allah
to be upset with me.
I just don't want Allah to be angry
with me. And I said, subhanallah like that,
those tears
are like tears of sincerity.
Because all you care about right now is
like, I don't care, I just don't want
a lot to be upset with me. That's
it.
You know? So sincerity is not always easy.
Sometimes it causes you to cry. Like, sometimes
it causes your heart to break.
You know, I don't want to do this,
but I know that I have to do
this.
So how does he describe it? He says,
That all of your deeds as much as
possible
are for the sake of Allah alone. What's
one proof that you're doing so for the
sake of Allah, is that it's really difficult.
You don't wanna do it, but you force
yourself to do it. Fajr,
like,
no one's impressed, right? No one's even awake.
And it's just you, you get up and
you pray, that's sincerity. That's why they say
like the hypocrites don't pray Fajr
and they don't come for Isha,
to the Masjid. Why? Because coming to the
Masjid for Fajr and Isha is tough.
In the beginning, you wanna sleep, in the
end, you wanna stay home and relax and
unwind.
That's why the prophet, sallallahu alaihi wa sallam
said, the hypocrites can't make it.
They can't
because they're not legit. They're not for real,
right? So he says that,
that the person, they make all of their
deeds for the sake of Allah alone.
Don't give up someone because it's hard.
The believer doesn't stop someone because it's difficult,
right? Because it could be a sign of
sincerity.
Then he says, this is nuts. This part
is, those aren't mine. He says,
Your heart does not become
elated
and overjoyed when people praise you.
How is that a sign of
sincerity?
And I like the way you said it,
but just to give a little context, is
it because you don't care what the person
says about you? It's not that I don't
care,
not that. I
that's not my concern.
Like you could you could praise me or
you could criticize me. Ultimately, your opinion is
not my concern alone. My concern is Allah.
Right? Like how I dress, I don't care
what you think.
Like how what I say and don't say,
with all due respect.
Someone says right before they disrespect you, right?
With all due respect.
That's what you're trying. I'm a Or they
say respectfully. Right? You know? My friend Imran.
My mom was like my mom was like
I'm like, with all due respect. She's like,
it better be respect.
Yeah. My friend Imran from the Bay Area.
Respectfully. You just say respectfully. Respectfully before you
disrespectfully do something. Okay? Respectfully.
So
it's
your heart doesn't feel overjoyed.
By the praise of people.
Why? Because you know who you really are.
Man, when someone praises you, you know who
really you know who you really are, dude.
You know what I mean? Someone tells you
something
about you, they're just, like, you know, lathering
it on. I mean, you know who you
really are. You know what I mean? Right?
And,
and then he says,
And you don't become,
you don't mind, you don't care when people
criticize you.
Again, this doesn't mean that you become just
like this antisocial,
like I don't care about people.
What it means is that people's praise and
people's criticism
is not
the end all be all of your life.
You're more concerned about what Allah thinks.
Right?
Now like I'll give you an example.
Okay. Like, sometimes
I'll
be I'll be wearing, like, my thobe or
like my my traditional clothes because I'll give
Jummahubba somewhere, and then I gotta go run
to the grocery store and get something.
And sometimes,
like, my kufi and all that kind of
stuff. Right? And I just, like, keep it
on. I just rock with it, and I
go inside the grocery store and
and and, masha Allah, people are just like,
you know, looking like
professor from Hogwarts is here. You know, and
they look, yeah, why is he wearing a
dress? Exactly, right. Kids look at me funny,
all this kind of stuff.
And there are times where you think to
yourself, and I know the sisters, Masha'Allah, who
rock the hijab, like this is something they
go through day in and day out. And
so I can't even compare to that. But
I try to put myself out there even
in that way just so
I don't
have to constantly conform who I am to
what people expect of me.
Okay. Even the way you tell people your
name.
Man, have you guys ever met like an
Arab man in his fifties who says Muslim?
It pissed me off, man.
He's like, are you, from the Muslim? I'm
like, say Muslim, dude.
Right? Like, we, like, we we try to
conform every single thing because we're so concerned
about being praised by people or being criticized
by them.
You know?
People ask, what's your name? You know? Like,
what do you say?
Like, it's one thing to shorten it because
maybe, like, instead of saying Abdul Rahman, right,
and I, like, tell them, like, get the
a, a, a, a, like that.
I might say my name is Abdul Abdul
Rahman
Abdulrahman. Just so it's easy for them. But
to say my name is like Abe
or Alex.
Come on, man. We gotta get it together.
We gotta get it together.
That kind of stuff. Right? Be sincere. Be
sincere to yourself. Right? Have Ikhlas with Allah.
Right? We don't wanna be ashamed
of the name Muhammad,
Mo. We don't be ashamed of that. Imagine
meeting the Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam. Imagine meeting
him and he learned that you lived your
whole life telling people your name was Mo
because you didn't want to tell them your
name was Mohammed. So sad. Right?
Ask Allah to give us that strength. You
know what I mean? And, man, like, honestly,
names, it's don't even trip. Like,
kids are so evil. They're gonna make fun.
I was with a group of friends that
were deciding what to name their kids, And
the the the the husband, the father was
like, I don't wanna name anything that a
kid can make fun of. I was like,
you're gonna have a nameless child
because kids are evil, and they will make
fun of anything they can.
You know? They will. So you just gotta
I mean, that's part of that's part of
thick skin. That's part of toughness. You just
gotta
just gotta roll with it. Okay? So then
he says, he says,
So the opposite of Ikhlas is called Ria.
Ria literally means
doing something
so people can see it.
Okay.
So he says,
That it comes from, literally it's born from,
when you care too much about people.
Showing off
is born from caring too much about people.
Okay?
And
from its signs and from its you know
the symptoms of it he says
that you,
consider
that these people
that their
their
what's what's saqiyah? Like, to ridicule somebody.
Right? Saqiyah means, like, to ridicule somebody. That
from its signs
that you consider
people's
criticism to be less than it really is.
Right? So if a person has react, if
a person has this this disease where they
do things only for other people, he says
that you take their criticism
way too
seriously.
You take their criticism way too if if
they even give you one indication that they're,
like, not happy, you're like, oh, no.
Right? Oh no. Why? Because you're so concerned
about them. You ultimately you don't want them
to say anything or feel anything negative about
you. Okay?
And then he says that,
so it's remedy, he says, is to take
them and understand
that these people are also subjected to the
will of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. You don't
have to look at somebody and feel awe
in your heart as if they themselves are
God.
And I have to prove and impress them
and all this kind of stuff. You don't
have to do that. Okay?
And he says that
ultimately
you even need to consider these people, he
says, Imam al Khazali says, that they have
no ability
to change their destiny, whether it's for their
good or for their misery,
just like anybody else. These guys are not
in control.
You think that you're doing something
to impress somebody. They can't change your destiny.
They can't change who you are.
Only Allah Ta'ala can do that. Okay? And
then he says, if you stop caring about
what people think and stop assigning so much
value to that person,
then you will escape
from this react, from showing off to them.
And he says, if you
think people are so powerful,
you'll never escape it.
So the more you care about people's perception,
the more you're gonna fall into this trap.
The more you get it together and say,
you know what,
People are people just like me. What do
they say? We all put our pants on
one leg at a time,
except for those really talented gymnasts that can
just jump in. Right? You
all put your pants on one leg at
a time. Like, that's a statement that sounds
dumb, but ultimately, what is it meant to
do? It's meant to level everybody and say,
look, you look at this person, you look
at that person and you think that this
person is so powerful, so important. The reality
is men, they're just like you and I.
And the more that I
level everybody off,
the less I'll be so concerned about them
and the more I'll be concerned about Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. So that's how Imam El
Akhuzali teaches us about Ikhwas.
Okay? So how do we practice this in
practicality? How do we do this practically? You
tell me. How do we try to have
sincerity practically?
Anybody?
I'm not I'm not valuing
every single
like, share, comment.
Right? Okay. Good. I like how you went
to social media. Yeah. Like like, share, comment.
Like, everybody has, like, a social value associated,
like, for Yeah. Dollars or or numbers. Right?
Because realistically, that's something I feel like a
lot of us are with. Mhmm. With us
thinking that whatever
our presence is online is associated with our
Yeah. To the point where, like, if somebody
doesn't follow you, do you get offended? Exactly.
You're like, why don't you follow me online?
It's so strange.
It's such a strange thing. Why don't you
follow me online?
Can you follow me?
It's just a strange thing. Like, it it
truly is something that's kind of odd.
You know what I mean?
Like, would you would you want that person
to follow you because they want to or
because you asked them to and made them
feel awkward?
So weird. Right?
Yeah. Okay. So and why do we do
that? Why do we, like, what you know,
why do we make sure someone is following
us or not? Because it
it affects our self worth.
Right?
Okay. What else? So don't care about the
favorites and the likes and all that kind
of stuff. Don't care about that. They actually
I remember there was a brief time where
Instagram was debating getting rid of the the
like button
because they're just like, whatever. And people were
like, no.
Because, like, my entire self worth is is
is attached to that.
But imagine what how imagine what social media
would be if there was no way for
people to
praise what you post at. Like, how much
are you gonna post on there? They would
only post what they really cared about.
And they would never post things that they
did for other people's attention. They would only
post what they really cared about. Doesn't matter.
I'll post this picture because I wanna post
it. Forget about what people say.
Right? Do you think Aid would be so
lit?
Oh, their Aid fit fix. Right? No one
would care, man. If you couldn't get people's
opinion, no one would care.
So how many people would post stuff? So
number 1 is that, yeah, you don't think
about other people and you what else can
you do?
How do you know you're doing it for
Allah, not for others?
Yes.
Good.
One of the things is, how many secrets
do you have between you and Allah?
Meaning how many things do you do that
no one else knows between you and Allah?
That list has got to be long.
It's got to be long. Because in life,
you're gonna have moments of doubt whether or
not you're sincere. You have to have proof
that you did it for Allah.
So keep that keep that relationship strong.
Do things just for you and Allah.
Donate and don't tell anybody.
So, you know, one of the great scholars
said, hide your good deeds just like you
hide your sins.
So instead of trying to publicize it. You
know what I mean? Like, pay for someone's
meal and don't and, man, this whole Instagram
thing or social media thing, I'm like, oh,
I'm gonna pay for this person's meal and
film it.
Right?
It's like this poor guy who at the
time is homeless,
and you're like, yeah, man. Get get whatever
you want, man. Whatever you want off the
dollar menu, it's on me.
It's like, why are you doing that? Like,
why? Number 1, it's, like, humiliating, dude. Like,
just, you know, part of Islam is
like like to preserve someone's dignity.
Don't just like put this person who's struggling
on down times like on the internet.
Just because why? Oh, I'm trying to motivate
people. Man, you can motivate people by just
telling your friends, hey, let's donate. You don't
have to like be like, here are my
27 followers, look what I'm doing. It's like,
no one cares, man. And then on top
of that, why are you broadcasting your good
deeds?
Keep it keep it on the low.
Right? Do things do things and be creative
so that people can't find out. Let people
focus on the deed and not the doer.
It's beautiful then.
You know? If someone pays for your meal
and they don't tell you who like, the
person doesn't say I did it, let them
focus on the beauty of the deed and
not the one who did it
because then the person feels, wow, this has
no attachment. I don't owe anyone no favors,
nothing. This was purely for the sake of
Allah. And that's like the most beautiful way
that you can experience something.
So we ask Allah Ta'ala to grant us
to Tafiyat Insha'Allah,
to make us people who are sincere, to
make us people who have true to Waqul
in Allah, and the people who
battle our riyyah,
and make sure that we don't do things
for the wrong reasons.
Any questions?
Thursday.
It's going
well. Got a workout in.
It's a good day. Gonna eat.
Nice to be nice. You know what I
mean? The days I got my workouts in
are exciting because I eat.
You know what I mean? Not like eat.
I eat every day, but, like, you eat.
So,
it's been a good day.
Yeah. So how would you say it's a
best way for say you have someone in
your friend group. Right? Or someone in your.
Yeah. That is,
showing that. That it is showing
to this or to buy Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
What you do
is to to humble them without you seeing
like you're crossing the other lines. It's tough.
Honestly, it's tough because you don't know anyone's
intention. Right? So the question is, like, how
do you how do you try to help
someone when they're experiencing or they might be
showing off?
Unless they just tell you I'm showing off,
you really don't know with certitude whether or
not a person is. So
what I would what I would recommend is
that, you know,
in every friend gathering, there should be a
culture of celebrating sincerity.
You know what I mean? Like, there should
be a culture of it.
Meaning, like, it should be cool to do
something without showing off.
And don't don't fall into the trap of,
like, showing off, not showing off.
Fake humility.
You know what I mean?
So don't fall into that trap.
But but, you know, I would I would
try to basically try to, you know,
demonstrate
for anybody
what sincerity was and what what how beautiful
it is when it's not about the person.
And hopefully, InshaAllah, that would help. I mean,
if the person is is like, you know,
they've told you or they've said in no
uncertain terms, like, yeah, I'm doing this so
that people think I'm this.
Then, you know, you could just have a
conversation and be like, man, you should you
know, all those deeds that we're doing for
Allah, like, they may not count.
That's really the problem. The problem is that
all the deeds we do for other people,
they don't count for Allah.
They look like Allah,
Allah deeds,
but they're not Allah deeds. You know what
I mean?
So a person's praying. It looks like a
good deed, but it's not a good deed.
Scary. Right?
They give charity all that money, but it
doesn't count. Scary.
So if a person's like straight up about
it, then you can be like, look, it
sucks. You're using all that time. You're using
all that energy. You might as well have
it count.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No. No. That's fine because Ania is sincere.
Yeah. If someone, like if you accidentally if
people found out, it's not a problem.
You can't control that,
right?
The whole thing is just don't think about
people anyways.
If you do something and you don't think
about people, you're fine. Doesn't matter if they
saw it or not. The whole thing is
just don't think about people.
You know, I'm praying, I'm not even thinking
who's around me.
You know. But people who are so concerned,
you know, at Ibn Khayyim, this is like
next level, so I don't wanna confuse everybody.
But he said, if you're so concerned about
showing off that you also never go in
public, that's also showing off
because you're still thinking about people.
So he's like, just stop thinking about people.
Like, when you do a good deed, no
one else should be on your mind. If
you're so concerned that people are gonna see
you, that you don't go pray the masjid,
you don't go to the, you know, the
events, you don't go volunteer. He's like, you're
still obsessed with people,
which is the problem. Now sure, you're hiding
away,
but
you're broadcasting
this humility that's actually fake because you're still
thinking about people all the time. So the
real work is
stopping my people.
And then you can do whatever you want.
Yes?
Yeah.
So the the key is ratios.
Like, if I'm only if everything that I'm
doing that's good is public, that's a problem.
So if I'm like, you know, if I'm
trying to be a role model for somebody,
if I teach at a Sunday school or
if I'm like an older sibling or whatever,
if I'm in the community,
if that's the only good that I ever
do as public, that's a serious issue.
Right? It should be just the tip of
the iceberg.
You know, people should not see every good
thing that you do.
And what that does naturally is like when
you do a lot of good things in
private, and then you also do some good
things in public, it
lessens the value of the public one. Because
you're like, I do this at home.
I do it 1 by myself anyways. Right?
But if you only do it in front
of people,
it becomes, like, super focused. You're like, yeah.
This is it. So it's kinda like a
it's like a reciprocal. It's like sort of
a it's like sort of a snowball
effect. Right? So that's number 1. Number 2
is that,
you know, you should be able to, like,
do something. And if somebody praises it,
you should be able to pass up praise
without claiming it.
So if, like, you did something nice, like,
man, who vacuumed?
And you vacuumed.
Right?
You don't have to be like, it was
me.
You could just be like, yeah. It looks
nice.
I don't know.
Right?
And don't do it like, yeah.
They must be really good at vacuuming.
Because then, yeah, you know what I'm saying?
So, like Check out those lines. Yeah. Yeah.
Check out those perfect lines. But, like, in
all honesty, like like
the scholars said, let praise pass you by.
You could take praise for something. Just let
it pass you by. You cleaned up
after somebody
and maybe people think that person cleaned up.
There's a story Sheikh Jarrah tells about this
where basically this guy invited his friends over
for dinner and he cooked.
And his friends came and each of them
one after another were like, man, your wife's
an amazing cook.
And one after another, he corrected them. No,
I did it. I did it. I did
it. In front of the 4th guy, he's
like, man, your wife is an amazing cook.
He's like, yes, she is.
He just gave up because he realized,
like, it's not about me or my wife,
it's about them enjoying the food.
My guests should enjoy the food. It's not
about who cooked it. So it doesn't matter
who they're praising. I'm just, I'm happy that
my guests are happy with their food.
Who cooked it? It's irrelevant to me.
Yeah. I think something else to add to
that, especially since, like, you've mentioned,
how the prophet was and the fact that
he was a teacher
and he was a role model for his
community. What's interesting is that the prophet would
would obviously do things in public for people
to see. Right? So he prayed to none,
prayed for public stuff like that. But he
did a lot of stuff in private.
And you have narrations where companions are narrating
that when Prophet Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam prayed
by himself,
he did x y z, but then you
will see that those narrations, like, are them
peeking over the, like, walls of the masjid.
That's like Aisha pulling back the you know,
like, they're essentially kinda, like, snooping on what
he's doing,
and he wasn't doing it for them. And
it was to the point where, you know,
a companion talks about him joining the prophet
with the prophet personal and
he regretted it. Like, he
stood with the prophet
and the prophet
would frequently when he prayed with people, he
would frequently shorten his prayers. Like, he would
not pray very long prayers. In fact, he
got mad at a companion
for leading a
a community with long salah. He was like,
you know,
you're trying to cause problems
with people.
Don't know who you are. Oh, I do
know who you are. K. I'm gonna ask
you later. But, yeah, are you trying to
call problems with the people? But when that
companion saw the prophet he was sneaking and
he saw the prophet praying by himself,
he went in to join the prophet and
pray. He said, every time I thought he
was gonna go into a coup, like, he
didn't.
And I never, like, regretted joining a prayer
so much because that's that was the prophetess
and his private life. That's what he did.
So just piggybacking off of what Saad Jafman
said, there's it's so important that you have
deeds and things that you do between you
and Allah.
And then when you are in positions of
teaching or leadership or whatever,
you make your intention that, okay, like, I'm
still doing this for the sake of Allah.
Obviously, I have to teach, you know, my
siblings. I have to teach, you know, give
advice, whatever whatever.
And that's why when you're done giving that
advice or you're done teaching, it's so important
to make du'a
to forgive you of your shortcomings
and also attribute that ability of teaching or
that ability of being in whatever position of
service that you're in to Allah because there's
nothing that we inherently have that makes us
great. Nothing. Except for what Allah has given
us. And so you are attributing all of
your good to God.
Does that make sense?
Yeah. Mhmm. My dad used to say, I
feel like all dads say this. Somebody who
seeks out being the leader is the worst
leader.
It's like, you don't actually know what it
means
because then you actually will not want that
responsibility.
Yep. Very good point.
Yep.
K. Any questions?
We got samosas.
Yeah. Everyone's excited about
that. Anyways, alright, guys.
We'll see you guys next Thursday.