Safi Khan – Soul Food for College Students Imam al Ghazali’s advices to his student #18
AI: Summary ©
The success of finding a mentor or mentor in a relationship is emphasized, along with finding characteristics that inspire people to be patient and perseverance. The success of finding people who demonstrate empathy and commitment to prayer is also emphasized, along with the importance of finding good companies and finding people with certain traits. Personal development is emphasized, including finding the right person for a job and finding the right person for a job. The speaker also emphasizes the need to practice praying and not just focus on negative outcomes, as it is crucial for personal growth. The importance of listening to a teacher and learning, mentorship, and giving advice is also emphasized.
AI: Summary ©
feel everybody. regulations go out and take the day off.
Yeah, it was he walked in. He was like, oh, there's gushers I don't
know where they went. Someone took them. Man, when you find out,
they're hot out that looks at them, and they're gone. So he was
like, oh, there's gushers there. And I was like, I wonder if their
head out. And he was like, Man, why do you have to ask that? Stan
went to the website, look up the ingredients. They look. They look
good.
Okay, there's one that went from the level salatu salam ala that
also we love. The he was happy he H moraine.
Already, so we are, we're about halfway through a little bit more
than halfway through the 18th advice. What's the topic that
we've been talking about the last two sessions or? Yeah.
Yeah, so the how important it is to have a mentor or teacher or
somebody that you can go to when you have questions. That's number
one.
And then he mentioned some of the qualities that you should look for
in a teacher, which we talked about.
And now today, he's going to talk about
how do you have a good relationship with a teacher? Or
how do you have a relationship with someone that you admire
someone that you need, as that mentor in your life, right.
And this is something that's kind of very
different, in a lot of ways than what we're used to. Okay, so, for
example, you know, you guys are in college. So when you take college
courses, a lot of times the understanding of like, your
professor, or your teacher who oversees in a class, is that, you
know, you have a certain amount of respect for them, and that kind of
relationship. And at the end of the day,
you know, rate, my professor is a thing he has ever seen a
representative. Yeah, so, you know, there's like, there's like
an open, open source like anonymous way to critique and rate
your professor as far as you know, their ability to teach and all
that. And that really, when you look at it, from the perspective
of Islamic education, is something that would be maybe missing some
some etiquettes and manners, right? And he'll explain why. But
basically, when you enter into a relationship with somebody in a
mentor, mentee kind of role, when you're seeking advice from
somebody, it's not the same as buying bread at the store. It's
not the same as buying clothes. Right? When you purchase something
at the store, you're giving them your money, and you're expecting a
product in return. So in that way, we have this whole entire world
called customer service. Right? Let me speak to your manager, like
that kind of stuff. Right? When it comes to a relationship to develop
your your Eman and your faith. The idea that, you know, we're in
like, this transactional kind of relationship with somebody that
I'm asking for advice from is something that is, is really
dangerous, right? And I know I'm being a little bit vague right
now. But let's go ahead and start reading the text and you guys will
probably better understand than what I'm saying. So email goes
out, he continues. And he talks about how when you see this
person,
obviously, there's nobody that's perfect after the Prophet Muhammad
is also limp. So when we're talking about perfection, you're
not going to find that. But he says what you should be able to
find are these characteristics that you admire. Alright, so what
are some characteristics he mentions, he mentions, number one,
that this person should be a person of patience. This should
not be somebody who gets easily agitated, they should be somebody
that inspires you to be patient, actually. So when you're getting
impatient, and you're with somebody, right, the mentor or the
chef though Stiva, whoever, whether it's just another thought
smile, or you know, Safi or any of these people, then they their
presence or their advice or their outlook on a situation should be
something that inspires you to have patience and perseverance. He
also mentions that they should be dedicated to prayer which we
talked about last time. You know, the ability to be stopped wherever
you are, and pray, it's something that we take for granted. But then
when you're with certain people and certain level of faith, they
never ever try to you know, negotiate their salah, their
prayer, they always always put that first, gratitude, reliance
upon Allah, generosity, contentment, tranquility of the
soul, humility and knowledge truthfulness. So he mentioned all
these characteristics. Why do you think these are so important to
having a teacher? He mentioned like basically these eight or nine
beautiful characteristics and qualities why are they so
important to having somebody
meaningful year round? Interesting. What do you mean by
that?
thing think
you are what
you eat.
Yeah, yeah. Okay, so like, you know, a person is kind of the the
Some of you know the top what five people that they spend their time
with. Okay? So it's interesting, right? Because do you guys know
that it's good to be generous?
Yes or no? Yeah. Is it good to be patient? Is it good to pray? All
the characteristics that we mentioned? Is it good to have
those things? But do you always have them?
When do you lose your patience?
things get rough.
Huh? When you're driving in Dallas, right? When things are
getting when things are getting rough, when things aren't going
the way you expect, right, when you're not being heard, when no
one's when the person that you're trying to, you know, is not
listening. You start to lose your patience, right? Gratitude, we
know we should be grateful. But when do we start losing gratitude?
start losing it, maybe when we see others that have things that we
don't, right, are we start to see things that we want, we forget
what we already have, we know that we should pray. But when do we
start losing our Salah when we're occupied with something else. So
all of these characteristics, like in theory, we know them, you know,
you could probably sit here right now read this book and talk about
why it's important to have, you know, this characteristic, this
characteristic. So if you already know it, then why you have to
spend time with somebody who demonstrates it well, because
knowing it is not enough. Seeing it is when you can do it.
You know, the Prophet SAW Sanlam, his life is preserved. And you can
read about it all you want.
But you have never understood generosity until you've seen
generosity. You've never understood patience until you've
witnessed it. You've never understood commitment until it
couldn't, until you've looked at somebody that has no reason to
have good hopes, and they still hold on. Right? You've given up.
You're like, I don't think this is gonna work out. And the person
says, Don't worry, trust them, Allah, it's going to happen. And
you're like, there's no way and somehow some way whether it's you
know, 30 minutes or 30 days or whatever later they have they hold
out hope and Allah Tala delivers. So when you see these things
demonstrated when they're modeled for you, it is a very different
experience. So when you read about it in the book, if you guys ever
seen a good quality demonstrated for you, what impact did it have?
Share story. When you saw one of these qualities demonstrated, like
right before your eyes.
Tell me about it. Tell us about it.
Yes, one experiences like sometimes there are people who
are, quote unquote, don't seem to be
facing a general sense.
They do the most heartwarming thing ever.
System easy to see. And it's kind of like goes to show that like
that, so you can always paint the vest of others.
Okay, very good. What else? Anybody else?
You have like yeah.
Yes, you so you've been in scenarios where you've been
boiling inside super angry, but somehow the person next to you who
should be angry is not. And you just look at them and you're like,
why aren't you angry? And they're like, doesn't matter. Yeah. Right.
Anyone else? And when witness like amazing generosity, or been like a
recipient of it?
You guys need better friends? Yeah. You're a nice
Chicago, Chevy. Please. Chicago, Sharif, fourth holiest city in the
world. Mecca, Medina, Jerusalem, Chicago. Okay. That's where I'm
from. And then there's like,
Okay, well, we're looking at
Boston.
Guy who? Person who is almost a person who's homeless. Yeah.
He saw that he went around and actually gave other people Wow.
Subhanallah someone who doesn't have anything, you give them
something, and they take whatever little thing you gave them, and
they distribute it. And meanwhile, we're like, I don't like this. I
want something different. Right? So you have these moments
Subhanallah where you discover inspiration. And again, this is
why mom was out. He's saying this, saying you can learn about all the
virtues you want. But if you don't spend time with virtuous people,
you won't know what it looks like. You won't be able identify it,
right? And so it's almost like witness. It's almost like going to
see the pyramids versus looking at pictures of them. Or being in
front of the Eiffel Tower instead of seeing it in a magazine or the
Grand Canyon. Like you can't describe those things in the same
way that a person's eyes can
perience them, their heart can experience them. So when you're
around people like he that's why he's saying you have to be around
teachers is because you'll be able to see this kind of generosity
that you've never seen before. And you'll be able to experience the
humility that you've, you know, I'll never forget men should have
the Nasir, you know, we went to
we went, we traveled together to California. And check out the Nasr
is obviously, like relatively well known martial law, you know,
nationally, internationally, like I've been with Chairman, Astrid,
Medina and Mecca. And like, people have known him there. They're
like, are you Genda? Are you shake Jenga? He's like, Yeah, you know,
he obviously doesn't like whatever. But people recognize him
all over the world. And then we go to this, this event in California,
where he is the main speaker. He's the guest speaker. He's one they
invited in, right? And he goes to the front table, and they're like,
sir, where's your nametag? And he's like, I'm sorry, I just
arrived here. And he's like, not he's refusing to say what he's
there for? Because obviously, he doesn't want to come across as
like that guy. Right? So he's like, Oh, I'm sorry. Like, where
do I sign into? Like, where's your ticket? And he's like, I'm sorry,
I don't I don't, I don't have my ticket. And they're like, Okay,
well, you need to go buy a ticket. And I've actually been at an event
where in that moment, he actually walked over and did purchase a
ticket. There's no reason for why would he if he's there for the for
the fundraiser, then then the director or whoever, the manager,
the funder comes out, they're like, oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.
And the person there is like, what? Why didn't you just tell me
and she was like, Don't worry about it's just donation. Now, at
this point, I think it was $100, whatever, like, just donation,
that level of humility. And I'm sitting there and I'm like,
pulling up his Instagram. Like if I feel like, you know, trying to
tell the person like the flood? Oh, yes. SubhanAllah. The flyer
had his face on it. And the guy is standing there and the posters on
the table, and I'm like, can you just walk around here for a
second? I wanted to show you something. But But again, and just
like you said, right. And so for me, I'm like, What on earth are
you doing? But then she was like, Don't worry about it. Right? You
could read about humility all you want. But until you see that
story, you're unable to understand what it looks like. You know what
I mean? I can tell you what pizza is. But
if you've tasted it, you know what it is right? Deep Dish, fourth,
holy city. Okay. Never forget. All right. So he says that you need to
spend your time with people of prayer of gratitude of telecoil of
conviction of generosity. And the other thing that I'll say here is
not every person, not everyone who has these is like a scholar. Okay?
There are many people who have these traits. You'll find this in
your parents, you'll see this in your grandparents and your uncles
and aunts, you'll see these traits in some of your friends. So you
don't need to be right. There's different kinds of role models you
can have in your life. How about that? Right, you can have the
Islamic scholar for sure. But you should also be able to find good
good company in people your own age that can help and you know,
you see somebody one of your friends who's always willing to
pay for other people's meals. That's generosity right there, you
should be able to learn from that. Right? You should be able to look
at one or the other friends that doesn't that doesn't backbite no
matter what. And you should be able to learn from that, right?
The heart that's looking for lessons will find them everywhere,
but the heart that is no longer interested in learning will not
find them, even if they're in the most like
the most filled treasure chest. I mean, they were they were
hypocrites who lived in Medina. Like what else do you need? You
know what I mean? There's people who didn't believe in Islam, who
were with the Prophet SAW Salem, all the way through, they
witnessed all of his miracles. So the hearts that are closed, they
won't see that stuff. But the hearts that are open will be able
to look and see you know,
even even an animal how it takes care of its young, right a mother
cat taking care of its kittens, and they'll be able to learn mercy
in that moment. Right so the heart is really what he's talking about
here.
He says that if you find somebody scholar, Chef mentor Mota be
whatever whatever you want, identify them as he says that and
that person has these traits, then you know that you found a light
from the lights of the Prophet SAW sadhana, okay. Why? Because we
believe that these traits ultimately they go back, back,
back, back back all the way to the Prophet SAW Selim. So everything
that you're learning in Islam is not invented by the person you're
hearing it from. Very important, and a teacher should never ever
allow anybody to think that they are the source of whatever they're
saying. You guys know, and this is why I'm just reading a book to
you. This is literally like storytime. It's like advanced
storytime. It's like Blue's Clues. I'm just literally just reading a
book to you because I want you to know that I'm not making this is
not coming from me. Right? So Imam Al Ghazali. Here is telling us
that if you find something good and people that you can take from
then know that that light they have is actually light that's
reflecting from the Prophet Muhammad SAW Saddam's life
and you're taking it from from that line. Okay? And then he
mentioned that however, beware that the presence of these people
in your life is rarer than red sulfur. I love these contextual
examples.
It's rare than seeing a Ferrari. Or depends if you're in South
like, you might see a few. Right, but, you know, it's rare than
seeing whatever. Like, imagine something that's super rare.
What's what's super rare? To see? I don't even know anymore.
Yeah, there we go. Wow, that's like poetic, alright. automaton
for you. Okay, so. So yeah, like, it's rare than seeing, you know,
the sun out while it's raining.
I don't know. That's very romantic. Mashallah. So red,
sulfur, red sulfur, he's mentioning it, because it's
something that's very rare and valuable. So what is he saying, if
you find somebody that you can look up to, don't ever let them
go?
Whatever you do, don't ever let them go. If you know somebody in
your life that you can take good from, man, if you let that person
go. And it doesn't even have to, I'm not talking about physically.
But if you let them out of your life, then then you've lost
something very valuable. Right? It's worse than not investing in
Bitcoin 20 years ago. It's worse than that. So he says that, if
you're fortunate enough to find somebody in this with these
qualities, then you should definitely try to keep in touch
with them.
However you can. Okay. And then he says, in order for you to keep in
touch with them, you have to have good manners. And now he's going
to talk about what those manners look like. Some of this, I'm going
to forewarn you is going to look and sound and feel kind of
awkward. Because again, we come from a generation and a society in
a world where the customer is always right. Let me speak to your
manager. Let me speak to your managers manager, right. Customer
service. I have a friend our joke with him is that the inconvenience
whenever he feels like he's been inconvenienced in a in a store, he
just tells the manager, how are you going to how are you going to
compensate me for my inconvenience? Right.
I'm not gonna mention his name. But if he's watching, you
definitely notice. He got a he ordered Chipotle. And he ordered
avocado as like one of his toppings or gwoc. Sorry. And then
when he opened it, the avocado pit was in there. Now I'm kind of a
foodie. So I'm like, okay, it preserves the green, it preserves
the quality and the color of the of the gwoc. Right, the pit helps
preserve that. But he's like, now that was a major inconvenience, I
could have broken my tooth.
Right, and he works with teeth. So I could have broke my tooth. So he
called Chipotle and he was like, it was a major inconvenience, that
that that suddenly they gave him like three free meals or
something.
So, so I know who I know who to call whenever I need. I need like,
you know, someone to be
squeezed. So he says, when you have this respect, he's gonna
start to describe it now. And again, remember, this is something
that when you translate it to like our retail, our spiritualized
retail world, it's difficult but think about it. He says that
outward, respect your inward and outward, he says outward respect
entails that you should never argue with your teacher.
What does this mean? Does it mean that you can never disagree with
them? Or have a discussion? What's interesting discussion, argue
argument?
Ah,
maybe yeah, emotions are definitely a symptom of it. What
else?
Okay, good, very good. You're unwilling to acknowledge that
their side even has any merit. This is why mama Shafi a lot he
said when I used to enter into a discussion with somebody or a
debate, he goes right before the debate you guys ever seen like a
MMA fight? It's hot. Don't watch it anyway.
They hit the face anyways. But you ever seen like, what do they do
beforehand? They always go to their coach in the corner, right?
They go to their trainer, and they talk they have like their pep talk
before the fight. I don't know my friends tell me it's hot. I'm
gonna watch it. So I'm joking about the Haram part. Maybe but
you know, Imam Shafi used to open his hands before a debate with
somebody and he made you're on YouTube, oh, Allah make the truth
appear on their tongue.
Okay, that's a really hard thing to do. He's essentially asking
Allah to give the person he's debating against to make them the
one who's victorious in the debate. Why is it so hard to do
that?
Bit? Yeah. I mean, you, you basically have to just submit your
ego and say, I don't want to win. It's not about me. We're looking
for the truth. When you and I are discussing something we're looking
for what's right, it doesn't matter who wins. Right? And if you
you know, an example of how this is manifest is like, Have you guys
ever been in an argument with somebody and you've purposely
adding detail that might give you like a weaker side, like you hid
in it. Why did you hide it?
If I hide a detail, so you don't what?
So you so you don't appear to be wrong. You're not actually
concerned about actually being wrong. You don't want to appear to
be wrong. All right, let's say someone forgot to pick someone up
from the airport ever happened, you guys.
Okay?
It just struck a chord, someone guys just shuttered like Yeah.
Okay, you forgot to pick us up from the airport or you forgot to
order food or whatever. Like, it was a major issue. It's causing a
lot of drama. There's a lot of masala flying everywhere now in
the house. Okay. And they're trying to narrow down who did it?
Who did it? Who did it? Okay. And you're looking through your text
and you're scrolling scrolling, and all sudden, you see one thing
that could be like, Oh, day, I said, Am that PM, or something,
you know, like a little slip? And you just keep scrolling, right?
You're like, I can't I can't do that. I'm not going and are you
bend it. So the screenshot doesn't catch that part. Because you don't
want any incrimination. Now see the next one? Because now it's no
longer about actually solving the problem. Now it's I don't want to
appear guilty. So you might miss Shafi, he used to say, oh, Allah
make them right. Because this is the dua that he felt he had to
make, so that he was sincere, you know what I mean? So when you have
a person in your life that you look up to, there may come a time
where you actually do disagree with them sometimes. But what you
want is not to win, what you want is for the truth to become
manifest. And that turns it from an argument into a discussion. So
he's saying never argue, arguing is I want to win discussing is I
want to know what's right.
You know what I mean? And you're allowed, you're allowed to share
and you're allowed to say, I don't understand this, and you're
allowed, it all is how you frame it. It's all in how you frame it.
Okay, and emotions are possible in those discussions. As long as you
always leave the door open for what could be wrong.
I think I'm right, but I definitely could be wrong. But if
a person walks in and says, I know I'm right, and there's no way I
can be wrong, call it what's the point of even talking now. There's
no point now we're just gonna butt heads even more like those rams
that just run into each other. And we're going to leave you bruised
and knee bruise and our relationship is done. Okay, so he
says, number one, is don't argue with them. And he says, even if
you know, this is going to be uncomfortable, even if you know
that something the Sheikh is saying is wrong. Okay, whoa, hold
on. Whoa, everyone's like,
what he's saying here is not as sonically wrong, because he said
earlier, that we never do obedience of any creation over the
Creator. So if the chef is saying we pray four times a day, or
you're not like, well, he's my chef. You know, what he's saying,
here is what it's a chef says, next week in class, we'll be
talking about this. And you know, when I know that next week, we
don't have class because of some reason. Okay? If it's a mistake,
that's that's, that's.
It's like a mundane mistake, not a spiritual mistake. Spiritual
mistake is like making a statement that is spiritually Islamically
definitively wrong. We're only going to pray three times a day,
though. Okay, that's not right. All right, run away quick. But
it's the person says, The plural instead of a singular, right? We
have sandwiches for everybody after class today. And actually,
we have pizza. Don't be that kid. Actually shake. I don't know if
you know, but there's pizza sandwiches. And some of you're
laughing because, you know, either you were that kid or you've seen
that kid, right? Don't be that person. Don't be that person. Some
people in classroom environments. They don't ask questions, they try
to make points. And that's what he's saying. That's bad, either.
You know what I mean? Like a person who basically raises their
hand just to kind of like, climb up the ladder, get on top of the
totem pole. He's like, it's inappropriate. It's not good at
that. If your teacher says something, and you know, and every
one of the class knows that kind of like, oh, what what he or she
meant, you know, some of the thoughts in my says, oh, man, you
know, it's a, it's 80 degrees outside and you're like, actually
says, 90, it's like, don't be that person. You know what I mean? And
again, we're all laughing and Sharla hope that's a good sign.
But there are some people that really, they keep score, man. And
any chance they get to where they can disprove somebody, or prove or
conquer someone's mistake, they take any chance they get, they can
do that. And what you'll find is that May Allah protect us if if
that's within me, I'm going to be very lonely eventually. Because we
all make mistakes. And this is why by the way, marriages fail.
This is why parents and child relationships fail. This is why
friendships fail. No one wants to be around somebody that's
constantly looking for them to slip. Nobody wants to be around
that. I made mistake and I know it's a mistake. And you know, it's
a mistake. And in the end, it's inconsequential. Saying Tuesday
instead of Wednesday, right? Saying am instead of pm and I know
what you meant and you actually know what you meant. There's no
reason for me to have to point out that flaw. Right? Okay, so that's
what he's saying here. And then he says, You should also not spread
out your prayer mat, except for the time of prayer. Which means
basically what we're sitting in this gathering, and Maghrib comes
in here in sha Allah 839. That's where mother comes in a 37. We
don't pray here, because we go to VRC to pray. But if we were okay
to pray,
it would be like, don't be that person at 834. You're like, right,
I'm in the middle of teaching and
lays it out a law about right, they'll start doing their sunnah.
That person who kind of, you know, in the middle of the of the class
and the middle of the presentation or whatever, the person starts to
say, like, oh, it's time to pray. That person who says his poor is
poor etiquette, okay? And then he says, When you complete your
prayer, you should also take away your prayer rug as soon as you
can, so that the class can continue. You guys kind of catch a
trend here. What's What are you guys catching here when he's
talking about these manners that a person should have? In their
mentor? Circle or classroom circle?
Okay, don't be rude. Yeah. What else?
Huh?
Yes, very good. Because you're not only respecting your relationship
with the shake, you're respecting everybody else's time as well. You
know what I mean? Or the question if you already know the answer to
the question, but somebody else doesn't. And you start unfolding
your prayer rug, and making you know your test to be and praying
your son, you might have actually cut off a portion of what somebody
else really needed. You know what I mean? Or likewise, if you want
to drop you know, if your hand if you want to drop 17, soon, after
your Salah, I'm happy. So I can say that you only have if you get
it, you want to drop every sitting in the book, and class needs to
keep going after sulla you might actually be cutting into time that
someone else needs right now if you need to pray sooner, what can
you do?
Pray at home. That's one option, let's say the classes in the
masjid.
You just go yeah, you pray after? Are you just going back? Like it's
really not that serious? You know what I mean? But again, the common
thread that he's addressing here is a person where they have kind
of their ego is showing in everything they do. Oh, you're
wrong. Oh, it's time to pray? Oh, I need to. It's not about you. You
know what I mean? When you've engaged in this relationship now
in a classroom or one on one with the teacher, what you say is,
I'll take I'll take care of my stuff. After you know what I mean,
I'll do this later, I'll do this. It's about you, or it's about the
class. So it's about ego is last my ego was last. That's what he's
saying here. And he says that
you should do whatever the teacher as long as you're able to you
should do whatever you can, as long as you're able to whatever
the teacher recommends. Okay. And this is also something that we're
not used to. We're just not used to it. You know, I mean,
you know, I'll never forget when I when I first one of my teachers
earlier on his name is Jeff Ahab in Chicago. He was a really
awesome guy, Matt's Pinilla. So he was a martial law scholar. He
studied with shakiness. I mean, Rahim, Allah was a very famous
scholar from Saudi Arabia when he was alive. And he stayed with him
for like a long, long time. Then he got his PhD in computer
science. And he went and he taught chess he had he taught at DePaul
University in Chicago. So he was like really multifaceted Michel,
he's a scholar. He's also a professor at University.
He was awesome. And he was awesome, Mashallah. And his
character was so beautiful, too. He was such a awesome, awesome
guy, Mashallah.
And I remember, like, one of the first times that we sat together,
you know, people came and they would ask them questions after
Salah. So after prayer, you know, fit questions. Now. It's just a
matter of ERC, that, that it was sharp and austere and trying to
leave after mother, we almost have to stay till Isha. Because the
fifth question just came flying. So anyways, so you know, there's
people who come and ask questions. And,
you know, they say, this is the situation, you know, can you give
me some advice? Can you give me the answer? So she, she had would
say, he would always start by saying, Do you want the real
answer? Or do you want me to tell you what you want to hear? That
was his first response. And the person's like, What do you mean?
No, of course, I want the real answer. And he's like, No, he's
like, What if I'm going to tell you the real answer? It may not be
exactly what you like. But it might be the right answer, right.
But if you want to hear something different, just tell me what you
want to hear now. And I'll tell you whether or not I can tell you
that. You know what I mean? She doesn't have to invest in this.
He's like, just tell me do you want me to say yes, because if you
want me to, then I'm the wrong person to ask. Because I'm gonna
give you the answer. You know what I mean? So sometimes when you
engage in this relationship and you want people to give you
advice, you guys are asked for
Rice before? Can you any advice? Ask yourself before you ask for
advice, do you really want advice? Or do you want someone just to
kind of gas you up? There's a big difference. Okay?
So he says, whatever your teacher tells you to do, you have to at
least try to do it. As long as it's within your ability and
obviously, foregone conclusion, as long as it's haram. Right? And he
mentioned this later, he says that you never choose the creation or
the creator. So what does that mean? It might mean that you're,
you know, you're really upset with somebody, you're really upset with
a situation in life, maybe it's your friends, maybe it's your
family. And you go to your mentor, your teacher, your chef, whoever
it might be, and you say, hey, I really think that this is like,
you know, my mom or my dad, they're acting like this. And my
sister is doing this and whoever my friends are doing this, and you
and you just have your argument lined up perfectly. And then the
person says, I think, actually, you're being a little bit out of
line.
Excuse me, right? What do you mean? And this actually happened
somehow, I'll tell you, it happens a lot. It happens a lot where
people come in, they've already decided what they want the answer
to be. And then the person says back to them, I actually don't
think that that's the case, I think you're missing something and
they say, Whose side are you on? The answer is no, one side, right?
You're just trying to get advice. So it's really, really important
to go in there with that objectivity.
And then he mentioned, he says, these are all outward actions. But
these actions all rely on inward. Okay, so if you guys ever
apologize to somebody and not meant it,
you know, sorry. Well, I'm sorry, right? That those are I don't mean
it. If you ever thank someone are not meant to short.
There is a disconnect between outward and inward, you're doing
the outward thing. Thank you, I'm sorry. All right. But the inward
you're like your fault, I really don't care. He says that when it
comes to your relationship with your teachers, this is going to be
the first thing that breaks it.
If you can't be the same person inside, as you are outside, you're
going to, you know, it's like walking in quicksand. You're not
going to make it very far. So what does that mean? Says, inwardly,
you have to be a person that also respects what they hear and accept
from the teacher and not deny it inwardly or outwardly. Otherwise,
there's a little bit hypocrisy there. So what is it? What could
be an example of that mythos? Inwardly denying what you hear
outwardly?
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes. And really, you're like, This guy has no idea he's talking
about.
Exactly, exactly. Or you even go back even worse, you at home,
you're like, Well, I talked to the chef, and they said that I was
this or this, or that was right. And you're like, oh, man, holla.
Paula, you know?
And so it's rough. Man. It's rough. You know, it's really
difficult. This path is not for everybody, right? Like, if you
want to be able to have a mentor someone in your life, it's not for
everybody. You know, and if you've ever given advice to somebody
before, let's say that there was somebody, anyone here have a
younger sibling. And they've asked your advice, you know, you kind of
know what he's talking about. You kind of configure it because it's
very similar. You know, younger sibling comes up to you, hey, I'm
in this situation, which I do. You're like, just just don't do
it. Why you're like, just trust me, just don't do it. They go and
do it. You're like, I told you not to. You told me you weren't going
to Why did you do it? I thought, you know, it's not the same. You
don't know, right? We love each other. It's like,
you're just like, God, man. I told you, I literally got I took this
test I marked See, I got it wrong. I showed you the Scantron. You
still Mark see, you know what I mean? Like, literally, and somehow
you're just like, sometimes it's how I feel when I deal with people
who are on that tips anyways. But like we said, like he said, you
know, reading that fire is hot will not teach as well as getting
burned. And so sometimes you just gotta go through that experience.
But if you want to, if you want to, really next time that person
comes to you next time that sibling comes to you and ask you
for advice. After they did exactly what you told them not to do. What
are you gonna say?
You're like, I don't know, if I'm all in right now. I don't know if
I have time to listen to you for another hour, and then give you my
feedback. Because last time we did all this, and nothing came from
it. Right? So when you do kind of go to somebody, whether that
person is like a scholar or an Imam, or your parents or whoever,
and you do seek that advice from that counsel from them. Sometimes
you have to put your ego aside and say, You know what, I don't know
if I agree with them, but let me give it a shot.
Let me give it a try. You know what I mean? And ultimately
Subhanallah what you'll find is that Allah will put Baraka in that
for you because you actually decided to anytime in life, you
quiet your ego, Allah puts about a
In whatever you're doing, because your ego is like your enemy, dude,
your ego is like, I'm more important. I'm the one I'm this,
I'm that. Anytime you say no, I'm doing this for Allah sake alone.
Baraka just shows up out of nowhere, in the form of wealth in
the form of ease, Allah makes things easy for you. Baraka just
appears out of nowhere, okay?
And then he says it finally and we'll, we'll wrap up here, we'll
take some questions. He says that
you should be very careful not to keep the company of,
of immoral acting people, people who act immorally. And he says,
because when you are in the company of immoral people, and
we're going to define this in a second,
he says that you're the company of moral people does not combine,
it's like water and oil doesn't mix. Now, this is something that's
really interesting. It's only that's actually very important,
because in another one of his books, emailed his ally in the
area, and one of his chapters, called the rights of brotherhood
and sisterhood, he actually writes something very different than the
statement. He says that you can never ever cut off somebody from
your life.
It's not allowed to cut off somebody, no matter what they do,
if they're Muslim.
So how do we reconcile these two statements don't keep the company
of immoral people, or people who do immoral things. And the other
statement in his other book, which says, You can't cut somebody off
and he says, there's the Yeah.
Okay, still say Saddam.
I can kind of push back on that. It's really awkward.
So I'm like, how you gonna respond my text for last three years? It's
like, Well, you said, um, you know, like, that's all you could
say.
Well, you know, you know, I in a theoretical way, sure. Sure. So
um, to see you at the masjid it's your job is to eat slumped, and
maybe okay to give you not to, obviously, it's a good answer, but
I do think that to some degrees it's, it's, it's difficult. It's
difficult to execute that without awkwardness. So how do we make
sure see now this is, this is one of the things that prophets also
upset when the one of the companions came to the Prophet SAW
Salem. My mom sent me this hadith actually, and WhatsApp. My mom
still thinks that I can't understand Arabic. So she, she
sent me how do you and Eric she's like, what does it mean? And then
I translate it for her. And she's like, very good. Girl like this.
Is Gandalf, like, what's going on? Like, were you testing me?
Professor Dumbledore so so there's a honey she sent me to is very
powerful, which is the heading of the Mac game of the Prophet. So
somebody said that, what's the most beloved
deed to Allah. And
the response the Prophet saw someone gave was actually quite
comprehensive. It was very long, but the general summary of it was
to, to make your brother or sister happy, you know, to put them in a
state of happiness to decrease their difficulty to take care of
their debt to feed them when they're hungry, to walk with them
when they're in need, like all these beautiful moments of
character so how do we preserve that while still making sure that
we're not risking our own email?
Because that's where the morality thing comes in.
And when else it's like a puzzle, we'll come back to the guys and
said yeah, that's really
okay don't get too close make your offer them again. It sounds very
good on paper. But then what happens if that person like calls
you I can't I can't get too close to you but I'll need to offer you
think okay, let me help you with this guys. Think about how life
actually works.
Okay.
We're getting there. Can be nice to their face. Yeah.
Much closer.
Yeah, like how does life work? How does life work?
You choose to spend your time is, right. It's a choice. Yes. So in
what in where? When? Every remark, right. So there's different
scenarios. So So Friday night, there's an environment that's
different than Saturday morning.
One more time, sorry.
Okay, treat them the same way. You want to be treated very good.
Golden Rule. Let me ask you a question. Okay. If there are
people that are doing something at a time
I'm at a date and time that you personally don't feel comfortable
with. Does that mean that forever for the rest of their life and all
existence, that's what they're gonna be doing?
Friday night plans are at a venue that you don't feel comfortable
with. Saturday morning they are going to get coffee or play
basketball. Is it haram to join somebody
who was doing something previously? That is impermissible
to join them for a permissible action the next day.
Very good. That's how life actually works. And that's how
that actually works. You want to hear the greatest proof for this.
Who was more who? Okay, after the Prophet SAW Saddam? Does everyone
have flaws? Yes, only perfect person. The Prophet saw some of
them. Did he have friends? How do you explain this? If you're not
allowed to have if you guys ever heard that growing up in Sunday
school? Don't be friends with bad people. Okay. How is the Prophet
SAW Selim able to put his hands and an arms around a person named
who was nicknamed Hammad. Okay.
And he and this person used to have a problem he used to drink
publicly.
He used to publicly drink in the streets of Medina who would be
found drunk unfortunately, companions a hobby and he would
get he would get punished for it. And when one of the companions
said May Allah has cursed me upon you, the Prophet saw some looked
at him and said, Take that back, because he loves Allah His
messenger. The Prophet saw some just said that the person who
publicly was drinking intoxicated loves Allah, His messenger.
This Sierra, the life of the prophet saw Salem that we read
that we study, it is not always compatible with some of the things
that we may have heard. Right, because you hear stories about
this person, for example, the woman who committed Zina comes the
Prophet SAW Saddam, no one was like, get away. We can't be near
right. There was definitely no one said what you're doing is okay, no
one told him odd Hey, drink, keep drinking, it's fine. The prophets
also, of course, would never do that. It's haram. It's this big
sin.
But when he was sober,
it was fine.
When he's drinking,
it's not okay. Right. So imamo zani here, how do you reconcile
these is you become a person, that your heart, when there's
environments that affect your heart, you stay away from that.
But when those same people, maybe because you are like, I don't want
to be there at that time in that environment with that sort of
effect, because my heart does not feel comfortable there.
Right? That's fine. That's called Taqwa. But then if that same
person says, Hey, do you want to meet for coffee tomorrow? You
can't be like, well, last night, I know you were there. So I'm not
going to meet with you tomorrow.
Because that's cutting someone off.
And think about your own life. Are there people that are better than
you?
And they still give you time, don't they?
You know what I mean? There's people that would not do some of
the things that we would do.
And they still give us a smile and give us time.
So this idea where community has levels, and the levels don't
interact, right? There's barely Muslim.
You know,
the barely Muslims. This is this is pious, you know, students of
knowledge when I'm at this and that, and it's like, no, no, you
can't look down and talk to anybody that's not from Islam. The
Prophet SAW Selim, would speak to a bucket for the Ohan and Ahmad
Ilan, in the same day that he would talk to people who are
really struggling and committed big sins. Right, but he would
never compromise his own, of course, heart faith, whatever you
want to say. He would never compromise that. But he would
always find people where it was okay to find them, and be with
them. Okay, so this is how we negotiate this. This is how we
negotiate this point. All right.
That's what he says next, says that. He says, Know that true
spirituality is two characteristics. Being being
steadfast, and having good dealings with other people. says,
Whoever has steadfastness with Allah, they will have good
dealings with their Lord, and whoever has steadfastness with
other people, then they will treat them well no matter what all the
time.
And then he said that you should always treat people beautifully
and never contradict or go against somebody.
As long as there is no violation of Islam.
Right. It's very beautiful way to live life.
If you see something that is violating Islam, step away.
You know, I mean, I have a friend Miss Pamela. I have a friend that
I really admire in this regard. Read
We admire him. He is very friendly with many different kinds of
people, like many different walks of life, you know, I mean,
and he's known as the guy who will always pray, no matter what.
And he'll be like in the middle of something.
And he'll just get up and go promoter.
Maybe the people there are not on that tip yet. They don't pray yet.
But he doesn't let that stop him. He gets up takes his prayer rug
goes Michael to embrace
and that heart to be able to do the right thing, no matter who
you're around. That is a truly strong heart.
Right now, we are all creatures of community, we need to be around
people that motivate us to do good. But at the same time, it's
very, it's part of it's part and parcel of our faith, to be able to
make the right decision even when we're alone.
We have to be able to do that. Okay. Anyone have any questions on
this?
Yes.
Frustration,
situation
chastised by a teacher, let's say like you come to an argument, and
then
how do you deal with it initially? Because obviously, as time goes
on, you'll learn to shut down. Yeah, when you're first in that
position, he will still
be? Yeah, so this is a really good question. Different teachers and
different Imams, and you have different personalities, and
actually in another one of his books, and another book to
altogether Imams or Nugee talks about this, and he says that you
have to find the teacher that you kind of jive with, like, not
everyone's gonna fit. There's a famous scholar named aqmesh.
He was known for being very sharp tongue.
And people used to bother him a lot. Ask him questions, and he
didn't want to get quiet. He didn't want to ask questions. It
was just personality, right? So there's a story about him that
basically, he needed a haircut. And he didn't want to get a
haircut because the barbers could ask him questions. So he was like,
I don't want to get a haircut. So he just kept letting his hair
grow. So finally, I think someone convinced him like get a haircut.
And so he's like, Okay, I'll get a haircut, but only in the condition
that the barber doesn't talk to me. Which, by the way, goals,
that's exactly what I'm about to write. And so he goes, and the
barber is like, final asking questions. He's cutting his hair,
cut his hair, and then finally gets like to the halfway point.
And he's like, I just have one question.
And he says that, and he's like, he gets up and walks away, half
his hair is cut, he's not cut. Right? It was just a personality
right. Now, would you say that this is necessarily like the most
soft, compassionate, merciful personality? No, all right, it was
clear, he was tough. You know what I mean? And the prophets, Olson
would sit and he would look at a book or he looked at Armada, he
would say how different you two are.
Right, he would say one of you reminds me of how, like a
toughness, and one of you reminds me of gentleness. You know, there
were just different personalities, different types of people. So it's
also important for you to also kind of see who you click with and
who you jive with, because maybe,
you know, that relationship, that mentor, that teacher is just not
compatible with you, and you're not compatible with that. It's
like a mutual doesn't fit, you know, I mean, doesn't mean that
they're a bad teacher, doesn't mean you're a bad student. It's
just not the right fit. So that being said, there will be moments
with your, with people that you look up to people that you ask
questions to, where they will do things that bother you.
It might be that they don't return your calls on time, or they don't
give you enough time, or they answer a question very, you know,
abruptly that you thought it was gonna be, and it's just like
anything else, you just kind of have to be like, okay, trust the
process. Right? They've been through this before, since their
first rodeo, you know, I mean,
and yeah, over time, Inshallah, you'll be able to sort of be like,
Okay, I get it. And again, what you're describing is very honest,
which is, there are times where you're like, Oh, that's not what I
wanted to hear are, that's not how he's going to hear it. But the
reality is that over time, you will also get better at listening
and learning. Right? So but I would say very importantly, that
first step is very critical. Make sure that the teacher that you
spend time with, actually Imams or Nugee says you kind of almost have
to like do a survey, like go to listen to some classes, go attend
some, you know, doodoos go, you know, sit with them as much as you
can and kind of get a feel for who you like, you know what I mean?
So,
I'm gonna make easy Yeah.
A lot of the times people are
put in a position of mentorship and they aren't necessarily like,
you know, crowded right? instance where people come to you for
advice to people naturally gravitate towards individual in
the community or or
So what, what do you do when you happen to be a mentor? And if you
have a mentee or someone who consistently makes the same
mistake, right, but consistently goes against
you consistently give them the same answers or steps to resolve
whatever the issue is.
And it doesn't necessarily go anywhere. It's to their detriment.
Yeah.
It really depends on your relationship with them. But I
would say that if somebody was kind of consistently not heeding
the advice that you were giving them, maybe that would be a good
conversation for you to have.
Like, Hey, I've noticed something the last few times that we've
talked, you kind of brought up the situation and give you what I
think it'd be a good, good solution. But I noticed that for
maybe for one reason or another, you're not taking that solution,
like, is there a reason?
You know, and kind of just not putting on the spot, but kind of
being like, let's explore that further. Let's see why that's
happening. Because maybe some of you don't know. Maybe there's like
something out of their control or something. Right. But if it is
purely, just like, I can't do it, then it's like, okay, well, that's
good for me to know. Just let me know when you when you want to
kind of go approach. You know, if that thing that you're struggling
with, you're not ready yet. Let me know when you're ready. Yeah, but
always being there is important. Yeah.
Question. Anybody else?
No, that's yes.
Yeah,
yes, sure. Yeah. You don't have you don't have to be best friends
with everybody. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you, you have a
relationship with your fellow Muslim to the degree that is good
for your for your face.
So maybe there's some people that you can't have that closeness with
them? Because maybe like you said, it's, it's, there's a, there's a
dynamic between the two of you that's not healthy. Right. And,
and that's fine, you know, but maybe it means that like, like you
said earlier, it's a Saddam, it's a DUA, it's a text message on aid,
there's that quality of relationship. And then there's
those that you can meet once every quarter for lunch. And there's
people you can hang out once a month, and I'm sure we can spend,
you know, more time with, but really, the ultimate goal is I
want to make sure that I'm not cutting anybody off. You know what
I mean? Because that, what's the community if people feel like they
can't be part of it, you know, and so you have to gauge that within
yourself. And ultimately, it's not about sort of blaming anybody
else, but it's more so saying, like, I think that the that the
dynamic between us is not good for me.
You know, I mean, yeah. And you can you don't have to, like
disclose that. You don't have to be like, I can't be friends with
you. Because, yeah.
But being able to sort of know that internally is very healthy.
Yeah.
Yeah, it happens naturally. Yeah. And some friendships that you have
like that, you know, for some friendships have expiration dates.
You know, like, at some point, you're close. Alright, I just saw
some people like feel that they're like, Yeah, all right. Don't look
at the person that you awkwardly like, see, expired. They do. I
mean, they do and it's healthy. And it's normal. You know, just
because you were really close to somebody in college doesn't mean
you have to be super close. I tell this, you know, college students
metop You remember this coffee talk? I asked, like how many of
you are freshmen everyone raise your hand? How many friends do you
have for like 3000 friends? I'm like, okay, that's ridiculous.
Yeah, exactly. You will have at the end of at the end of college,
you're probably going to have 10% of the friends that you know, 5%
of the friends that you had.
And that's fine. That's actually normal. That's good. You should
have different levels of friends in your life not everyone is the
person that you can divulge everything to you know, not
everyone is a person that you can spend tons of hours with and if
that if you naturally grow apart, that's fine. So yeah, you're
right. You know, there are some people that maybe because of just
like the choices that you're making the choices that they're
making, and they may not even necessarily be by the way head out
haram sometimes they're like just different choices.
That maybe that's just the closure of your relationship and it was
great. It was a great book, but this is the ending
you know.
Yeah. Okay, let's wrap up inshallah. So that way we can make
it over grab some food on the way out in sha Allah and then make it
over to the masjid if if you want to go promote mashallah medical
ethical, everybody definitely I don't we don't have a session next
week. Inshallah, because eight, so, I'm actually go to another
wedding in Florida, that they're asking me to dance and I'm like,
relax, okay.
I'm going to be, you know,
you either get the you either get the wedding speech or the dance.
You don't get bolt. That's
Crazy I've never seen the mom do both
so make dua for everybody made to offer me that Allah protects me
all right guys it's gonna sound like