Safi Khan – Soul Food Finding Love in the Wrong Places
AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss the importance of finding love in the right places and finding it in the right places. They stress the importance of healthy love and avoiding confusion. The speakers also emphasize the importance of working on one's own values and values to avoid feeling like they are just sitting around. The importance of knowing people before you can love them and spending time on one's own values to avoid feeling like they are just sitting around. They also mention a narration about a woman who died and how it taught them to be grateful for their day and to be more mindful of oneself.
AI: Summary ©
I guess I'll take my mask off.
Alrighty.
Welcome to our
4th
in person soul food. I'm gonna keep track
of this until we get to a ridiculous
number. I'll sound really dumb when I say
it.
We're really we're
really happy,
to to be back here, blessed to be
in the gathering of everybody in person again,
and and and back at another week, alhamdulillah.
So,
today's topic is one that really, you know,
draws a lot of people because it is
a very, very,
it it it peaks your curiosity a lot.
And this topic, if you guys saw the
flyer, it says finding love in all the
wrong places. This is definitely a topic like
that she the the name that she chose
because III like that's a really creative thing.
I don't I don't I don't have creative
names. It's actually a compliment. She thought I
was kinda, like, insult her, but I actually
didn't, so I threw her off. I can't
I can't help it. I know. You see
how weird of a face that she makes
when I actually compliment something?
But, but, it's a really, really good topic.
It brings about a lot of opportunity for
reflection.
The realm of love
right in Islam is a very interesting thing.
Well, first and foremost, the topic of love
or the the concept of love is actually
a very beautiful thing, right?
If you think about it, it's actually really,
really beautiful. And this is why the word
love or hope in in in Arabic is
actually
used in the Quran
over and over and over again.
There are some emotions
that we believe in Islam that are actually
given to us directly by Allah. Okay?
And love is actually one of them. The
the the ability to have love or liking
for a certain thing or certain things is
actually a blessing. Right? Imagine if like you
could never ever feel that feeling in your
life.
How difficult a life would it be. And
so you know Allah several times in the
Quran he uses this this word hope. Right?
For example, Allah says
which means verily I love the doers of
good. And then he says
right?
I I indeed love the people who have
tawakkul who rely on me.
And the people who purify themselves. And then
he also uses the word
I love the people who are patient. Right?
The people who have taqwa. There are so
many examples from the Quran
of
Allah loving certain types of people. Right? And
so we know innately
that love can be a very beautiful thing.
And this is kind of a huge lesson
in in faith in general is that there
are very we we believe in Islam that
in general,
most things are not innately good or innately
evil.
Right? Like, there's good and bad to everything
in life. Right? Anger. Like, you know, a
lot of times I think trying to to
try to explain to certain people concepts, we
kinda make blanket statements about things like anger
is bad. Right? How many of y'all heard
that growing up? Right? Anger is bad for
you. Right? There's a hadith where the prophet
said, like,
don't be angry. Don't be angry. Don't be
angry. But if you actually think about this
in reality,
if you didn't have the ability to ever
get angry,
it would actually almost be, like, counterproductive.
Right? Like, you need to get angry at
certain things. You need to be emotionally, you
know, invested into certain things. Like, if something
bad happens in front of you and you're
like, oh, Allah, you know, Allah made me
patient. Right? Like no no man do something.
Right? Like you're supposed to get emotionally worked
up a little bit during certain thing. You
should be emotionally invested towards certain things.
But anger sometimes when not, you know, controlled
can be a very, very harmful thing. Right?
And and I'm sure people have witnessed it
in their lives. I'm sure, you know, whenever
you have lost your temper or somebody around
you has lost your temper, you saw the
side effects of it kind of unfolding. And
so there are for goods and bads to
everything.
Now the challenge that arrives
when it comes to love
is the definition of love itself. Like, what's
good love and what's love that's bad for
you. Alright? And that's why we felt that
tonight's conversation is so so imperative
because
we as a community face, like,
so many different opinions about what love is.
Right?
And and some of us are very, very,
you know, not I wouldn't say the word
influence because influence means, like, you're weak, and
I don't believe people are weak. Honestly, I
believe people have a lot of strength in
them. I feel like we are we are
very, very easy to, like,
be convinced of certain things when it comes
to the topic of love. Right? Oh, like,
this is what it looks like. Right? That's
not like whenever I hear somebody, like, say,
like, goals, I'm like, please don't say that.
Right? Like, no one's ever really goals unless
Like, no one's ever really goals. Right? Because
everyone has flaws. Like, what you see is
the exterior. You see the surface, and you
see what whatever's on Instagram. You see whatever's
on, like, you know, Facebook or Snapchat, but
you don't really see, like, behind the scenes.
You don't really see, like,
the the the the good, bad, and the
ugly. You don't see, like, the work that
it took to kinda get to a certain
level when you do call something goals. Right?
There's a lot of things that kinda play
a role behind the scenes. And so, you
know, the the first thing I wanna kind
of, you know, set out for everybody and
then inshallah, I'll let Sada Fatima kinda share
some of her reflections and some of her
thoughts is that love comes in like 3
different stages in Islam. Number 1 is that
love comes from Allah, so you have to
love Allah first. Right? Well, you can't use
an emotion that Allah gave you against him.
That's, like, very, very backwards. It's almost like
hypocritical if you think about it. Right? Like,
Allah gave me this ability
to feel.
Allah gave me this ability to to to
to sympathize,
to have mercy,
to have forgiveness for, to have, like, like
likeness
towards.
And using that against him is a very,
very, you know, it's a very backwards thing.
You know, we just don't do that as
Muslims. Right? So the first step is to
accept that this emotion comes from Allah. And
so the first one who deserves
that emotion in a good way is Allah
himself.
Right? And then after Allah comes the love
for the prophet
there's actually a a a hadith and this
is an authentic hadith. And this hadith sometimes
kind of makes people feel a little bit
uncomfortable at times. And I and I think
it's actually good that it does because it
makes you think a lot. There's a hadith
of the prophet he said that none of
you truly believe until you love me more
than you love yourself.
Right? You love yourself.
And that is difficult because you're like, man,
you live 1400 years ago. Right? Like, how
am I supposed to how how am I
supposed to feel emotionally invested in you if
I never met you in my life? But,
you know, then then you hear a little
bit of how on the day of judgment
when it comes to Allah or when it
comes to the prophet
that out of everyone on the day of
judgment when they're gonna be, like, scrambling around
for their own deeds, there's only one person
that's gonna be praying for you that day,
and that's him.
Right? Like, the day even your own, like,
mom, your own dad,
your own spouse.
Right? Your brother, your sister, they're gonna be
scrambling around to kind of, like, take deeds
away from others and bring towards their own
plate. There's only gonna be one who's literally
gonna raise his hands and say, Allah, please
please please please forgive them. And it's gonna
be like, what? Like, that makes no sense.
You never met me. Why are you making
so much duet for me?
But that's the level of love that he
has for us. Right? And then the 3rd
stage of love is love for other people,
love for creation of Allah and that's where
we are today.
I wanna share with you guys just a
couple of points
of healthy love versus unhealthy love. You know,
this topic is called finding love in the
wrong places. So we actually wanna almost, like,
counter, you know, counter that concept and make
make it love in the right places.
The first thing that our tradition tells us
about love that's actually
true and actually healthy
is that
false love or love in the wrong place
is very selfish.
False love or love in the wrong place
is very selfish. It's very selfishly driven.
You know? Like, when you see somebody and
you're like, oh, okay. Like like, what what
feeling does this fulfill for me?
Right? Like, what what what what what does
this bring to my life? Right? How does
it kind of, you know, how how does
it kinda appeal to my senses? Right? Like,
how does it make me feel?
That's at the first step. And by the
way, this is a very, very,
it's been quoted a lot throughout Islamic tradition
of people who constantly just worry about their
own, their own, their own, their own. Right?
You look at prophets in the past
and a big reason
why a lot of them were rejected by
their people is because their people couldn't understand
why these prophets were preaching about something that
would actually bring about their own goodness.
They'll actually, like, ask the prophets, like, okay,
what's in it for you?
What's in it for you? You tell me.
Like, what what money are you making out
of this? Like, who's sponsoring you, bro? Right?
Like, why are you telling me this? Because
we live and that was, like, 1000 of
years ago. And imagine how much more that
is, you know, currently, like, relative or relevant.
You know? Like, what's in it for me?
You know, why do I do this? This
this is why, like, the number one way
of kind of almost like conditioning yourself
to be in the realm of finding love
that's good for you is finding an unselfish
part of you.
Right? Like, when you look at somebody and
this is so true when it comes to,
like, marriage. Right? Or, like, though, like, in
like a romantic relationships is that, like, the
first thing you don't you notice about a
person is not, like, what it immediately, like,
kind of, like, gives to you. Right? It's
not that's not what it's supposed to be
like. You're supposed to be impressed by the
way the person lives.
Right? You look at the way that Khadija
found the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam. Right?
He used to work for her. Right? He
used to work for her
and one of the things that she actually
asked one of her other workers to do
was to go on like a business like
sales pitch with the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa
sallam, and she asked her worker to be
like, hey, just witness what he's like.
Just go just go see what he does.
I wanna know what kind of a person
he is.
That's what I wanna know. It wasn't like,
oh my god. When he walked in the
room, I felt like this. Right? Or like,
oh my god. Like, when he spoke, it
was amazing. Right? Like, his eyes. Right? No.
No. No. It wasn't any of that because
that just appeals to your immediate senses. So
you're like, okay. That, like, it just it
just intrigues
my interest.
But when you wanna take it to the
next level,
you're almost like, what is this person like
as a human being?
You know? One of the moments and I
and I and I I I hate, like,
bringing up, like, PDA stuff, but, like, one
of the moments I knew I actually wanted
to marry my my wife was when she
kept on, like, discussing, like, really, really deep
intricate, like, thoughts about, you know, like, the
dean with me. I was like, alright. This
is kinda special.
I was like, the the fact that she's
bringing this up is pretty real. Right? And
my wife, by the way, for those of
you who don't know, she's a convert to
Islam. She converted when she was 18 years
old. And
my eyes were opened up a lot with,
like, you know, this idea that, like, you
know, those of us who are born into
the religion, sometimes we take it for granted.
And so when people who actually accept the
faith, like and and make, like, a kind
of, like, a turn in their life towards
it, it really reminds you of how beautiful
these these people really are. You know?
And that's the moment I was like, wow.
Masha'Allah. Like, she actually is so invested into
this that, like, she wants to make a
part of our conversation,
like, based off of this. And this is
something that's really beautiful. That's number 1. Number
2
is that false love
lacks commitment and fulfillment of promises.
False
love lacks commitment
and lacks fulfillment of promises.
Right? That, you know,
when
you are a person who is trying to
seek the meaning of what what really healthy
love is,
every
example of healthy love has a level of
promise and commitment to it.
Right? Whether it's a whether it's with your
family,
whether it's with your friends and your and
your social circles, or whether that be that
whether that may be romantically. Right? It really
warrants this level of commitment.
And this is why, by the way, you
know, like, this whole idea and and I
agree that some Muslims unfortunately use the the
term nikka and marriage is like a kind
of like a substitute for like dating. Right?
Like I didn't get nikka. Right? I just
get married. Like no no no like it's
it's not it's not like such like a
light hearted topic. It's actually a very serious
thing and that's why it's actually it's a
good thing because it it requires you as
a human being to actually commit.
It requires you as a human being to
actually say, you know what? Like, with the
good and with the bad, I'm in it.
You know? And
this is why, you know, to protect our
heart because Allah says in the Quran,
I haven't sent you down this Quran, this
religion, this deen to, like, afflict, like, stress
on you, to put burden on your heart.
It's actually to relieve you a lot of
pain that you may have in life.
And so one of the main things that,
you know, the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
and Allah they teach us in this in
this realm is that when you're
ready when you're ready, you actually should
talk about this level of commitment.
Right? And you think about this. Right? When
you're, like, when you're acquaintances with somebody, it's
easy.
Right? Y'all ever, like, where, like, where you're,
like, wavering on the line between acquaintance and
friend?
Like, I don't really know if I wanna
breach that that that I don't know if
I wanna go there right now. I gotta,
like, I gotta answer text messages on time
and, like, you know, I gotta, like, actually
do stuff. Right? Like, I can't just be
like, oops. Sorry. Your phone was off. Like,
you tell me you're on your phone for,
like, 12 hours straight. You know, like, it
it it requires this level of, like, ownership,
you know. Like, to be called a person's
friend,
to be called a person's companion.
These are not terms that should be so
lightly used.
There's a great responsibility that comes with this
stuff. Right?
And so love that's healthy, that's good for
you is actually something that
that that warrants some sort of commitment, some
sort of responsibility for me.
Another point Insha'Allah I'll hand it off to
the salafatma after this
is that
love that's you know wrongly placed
or or or misplaced, I will say,
causes a lot of anxiety and stress.
Okay?
Love that is placed wrongly
or love that's misplaced
causes a lot of anxiety and stress upon
your heart,
And that stress and that anxiety comes from
different places.
That stress comes from,
you know, I don't know if I did
the right steps.
I don't know if I acted
out of impulse.
I don't know if I can tell people
about this.
I don't know if I, you know, am
doing the right thing.
Right?
And this is why, by the way, there's
a, you know, the this whole narration that
a lot of people know that, you know,
between 2 people that shouldn't be, like, you
know, private, the 3rd companion of theirs is
Shaitan.
The the reason that that narration is actually
relevant or true
is because when you're in because because when
you're in that stage of a relationship,
you're actually supposed to have good companions with
you to kind of, like, guide you through
it.
You know? And it's almost like selfish telling
ourselves that, like, oh, you know, like, I
don't need anybody help. I'm good. Right? And
this is why, by the way, most people
before they do marriage, like, like, kneecap ceremonies
or anything like that, they require you to
do some sort of premedical counseling.
Because you want to have that, like, okay.
I I did my homework about this.
I was guided when it came to this
decision. Right? It's not just me.
And and and, you know, love that's wrongfully
placed or that's placed in the wrong place,
it's it's misplaced,
brings about a lot of stress for you.
A lot of stress for you. I mean,
how many of us have had to hide
things from people before?
I can guarantee you. I mean, I'm not
even talking about this topic itself, just hiding
things in general. Right? Hiding things in general
just brings about stress. Right? I can't tell
somebody about this. Then you have, like, this
awkward, like, you know, relationship where you're like,
okay. I can't talk to you about everything
now. Right?
So one of the most obvious forms of
of of good, you know, healthy love in
your life is love that you can actually
almost, like, feel good about. There's something to
look forward to. It doesn't take a hit
on, like, your your career.
It doesn't take a hit on your iman.
Actually, it enhances it.
You know? You have a goal now that
you're working towards, and and you want this
relationship to have Barakah in it. Right? And
Barakah, by the way, I'm sure some of
the thoughts might can elaborate on this. It's
such a big deal when it comes to
love is that you want you want Allah
to put
to put blessing in in in in your
relationship.
You want Allah to put to put beauty
and and expand the goodness in that in
that relationship. Right? And that's one of the
most, you know, important things that I think
of inshallah. So I'm a hand it off
to to give us a little bit of
wisdom from her side as well. And then
inshallah we can wrap up. I have like
really one amazing story to tell about the
prophet that always kind of enhances my my
my kind of, you know,
appreciation for for for love and the ability
to actually be able to love through our
hearts. We'll reflect on that at the end
inshallah. So go ahead.
Thank
you.
Before I start,
I know this is, like, not a part
of the lecture, but if everybody could just
turn around and look at the moon Yes.
And say, like,
because it is beautiful. Okay? It is very
beautiful. There was also a rabbit that crossed
by and everyone got distracted by. Trust me.
I saw a rabbit. I saw a lot
of things
that I was just.
So this particular topic, you know, it can
go 2 ways. I'm gonna ask you guys
which way you want me to take it.
Y'all want me to be real with you,
or do you want me to just, you
know, say some things to make you feel
good?
Be real. Okay? Be real real. I was
hoping I was hope I'm not gonna be
real real because then you can't record.
I was hoping you guys would say that
you will want me to be real with
you.
And I say that because there are so
many times and so many different things like
this topic
in our life that people are not real
with us about.
And then when we fall into it, they're
like, oh, how'd you get there? Oh, why
that happened to you? Oh, you know that's
not okay. Oh, you know, why are you
doing that? Why are you like this? Why
are you like that?
Or you didn't know that was gonna happen?
I coulda told you, and you're like, well,
why didn't you tell me? Why don't let
me know this is how these situations end
up?
And what that means is that,
1,
as Muslims, you know, a lot of us
are going Muslim here.
Growing up, you've always been taught probably that
relationships are haram. The only time you're embarking
on a relationship
is,
between male and female,
is when you want you're ready to get
married. Half of you, your parents are like,
you're not ready till you go to school,
get a degree, get a couple of degrees,
you know, all these things. Right?
And then
you too may have developed the understanding
or through that through that way of being
treated or talked to
that you know what? Yeah. That's right. I
will never get into a relationship.
I will never do this. I will never
do that. Get to college, maybe even high
school, you find yourself in a whole relationship.
You didn't even realize you fell into it.
Guess what? It's really real.
It's it happens a lot.
And you're sitting down because you don't feel
like you can tell anybody
what's going on
because you didn't realize that now you're in
a whole committed relationship with somebody
that may or may not be Muslim, but
may or may not reach the standards of
your parents, that may or may not even
reach your own standards. You don't even know
if this is something that you want to
be in. You don't you're very confused.
You're very confused.
And so
one important thing there are many important things.
But one important thing I wanna stress
today
is recognizing
that if any of you are in a
relationship or thinking about being in a relationship
or you know some girl that you wanna
be in a relationship with or some guy
that you wanna be in a relationship with,
you have to be really real with yourself.
Ask yourself why do I want this?
What is it about this person
that makes me want to be in a
relationship with them? Do I are they going
to bring something to the table? Can I
bring something to the table? Because that person
can be an amazing human being,
have things together,
you know, be able to take care of
you. You can be able, you know, be
able to spend time with you, all the
things that you want, but you may not
even be half of what that person needs.
So you have to think about both aspects
of it. Do I am I ready
for this, and is this person the right
person for me?
When we say finding love in the wrong
places,
a lot of times, we end up committing
ourselves to people whether it be friendships
or even romantic relationships,
we commit ourselves to people to fill voids
that are within us.
So say for instance, you're a person who
you
really they call it the love language. So
your love language is validation
or words of affirmation they say.
So you may attach yourself
to certain friends.
You may attach yourself to a certain person
Because you're like this person, you know, they
call to me they speak to my soul
Yeah, they may speak to one side of
your soul bar. They speaking to the rest
of you. That's the question you have to
ask yourself
Sure. They may make you feel good, but
do they make you feel are you a
better person when you're around them?
Sure. They may call to the parts of
you
what we call our nuffs
that make us want to be with people.
What do they call us to be closer
to god?
These are questions,
real life hard hitting questions
that you have to ask yourself.
And to be honest, it starts with your
friend group. Because if you're not selective about
your friends, the people that you talk to,
the people that you spill all your business
to, the people that you tell everything, the
people that you seek advice from,
what makes you think you're gonna be very
selective with the person that you want to
be involved with romantically?
You're just gonna find people who are just
gonna tell you, yes. You're great.
You do everything perfect. That's not what you
want in your life. You also don't want
somebody that's wanna bring you down. You want
somebody that's balanced. Somebody that's gonna bring you
closer to Allah. Somebody that's wanna tell you,
hey. You are a good person. You are
a great person, but you have more that
you can work on. Let's get there together.
You want somebody to have something that they're
gonna bring to the table.
You want to bring something to the table.
You don't want to be a burden. You
don't want to be taking care of a
burden.
These are the real questions you have to
sit and talk to yourself about. Because at
the end of the day, the way that
our communities work and even the way that
we work as human beings, we don't necessarily
have these these conversations with every single person.
We don't necessarily
open up to people on this type of
level.
And so when we try to force things
or relationships and all these things,
and we're not even
right ourselves or we're not even looking for
the right things, you're definitely gonna get what
you're looking for. But it may not be
it's definitely probably not what you need.
It's definitely probably not what you need.
And for those people who tell you that
the way that you fix your life, the
way that everything becomes better is for you
to get married, they lied.
It's a huge
lie.
It's a big lie.
Because if things are going hard, wrong for
you in your life,
and things are not great, and you don't
have things together,
and you just want somebody to love you,
you're gonna go and put that emotional baggage
into another human being.
You're gonna go put that emotional baggage
onto another creation of God.
And would you like it if somebody just
walked into your life and unloaded their entire
20 something years of emotional baggage onto you?
Absolutely not.
Where you're in love with this person, but
they are just very pessimistic.
They don't bring anything to the table. They
make your life very stressful.
And now you are between a heart a
rock and a hard place. You don't know
which way to walk. You don't know which
way to go. You don't wanna leave them.
You're in love with them.
You don't want that. That's not what you
want. You wanna be with somebody
for the first and foremost for the sake
of luck.
Because you're like, wow. This person, like, we're
going places together.
Now I'm going you back there.
We're going places together.
We're working on each other. We're helping each
other get there.
Oh, this person is good to their family.
This person helps me be better to my
family. This person helps me with college. They
help me with this. They help me with
that.
And it may feel like right now is
the time,
especially because it's COVID, and everybody got married
in COVID and had a baby in COVID.
So you know what I'm saying? Everybody got
cheap weddings. Let's do it.
And they woke up. It's, like, 15 people
every day getting married. I'm like, alright. I'll
see you.
I'll send you a gift in the mail,
I guess.
You think?
It may seem like right now is the
time, but if you're not ready, you're not
ready.
Don't embark on relationship
just to fill voids inside of you that
you need to fill yourself.
If you don't feel loved, it's because you
don't love yourself.
Sounds harsh.
But you gotta now work on loving yourself.
You have to work on it.
What does it mean for Fatima to love
Fatima?
What does that mean?
What does it mean for Fatima
to give Fatima
the care and and and respect that she
deserves.
Because at the end of the day,
whether you're in a relationship or not, at
some point, you will always face your own
demons.
You will all empty yourself.
You will always face your own demons.
And if you don't feel those voids, if
you don't feel them yourself,
guess what? You're gonna project that negative energy
onto your spouse.
And you're gonna keep seeking validation.
You're gonna keep seeking these things.
And god forbid you fall into a relationship
that's horrible.
That someone takes advantage of you, and you
stay because you feel like this is the
only person that loves me.
You don't know how many people
in the community
that we come across.
And
we think to ourselves,
if only someone just told them that they
just had to love themselves and God loves
them
That they wouldn't be in the situation that
they're in
you know how many people
We come across that say that I was
in this relationship
or that relationship for 15 years
20 years
like these are like lifetimes.
Okay.
These are lifetimes
and I didn't realize to the end of
the relationship that I was being abused
that I was being treated badly,
or even that I was the one who
was treating someone else badly,
that I was the one who was not
taking care of that person, like like they
deserve to be taken care of.
Relationships have responsibility.
They're fun.
Friend I'm talking about friendships too. They're fun.
They're great. You talk to your friend, all
this stuff, but they have responsibility.
There's a sense of responsibility. This is a
whole another human being that you've invited into
your life.
That's responsibility.
It is not to scare you. It's to
bring the reality of the situation there.
So you should not be embarking on relationships
just to fulfill
parts of you and not even taking the
other person into consideration.
Because 1, if you come across a really
good person, you're taking advantage of them. And
2, if you come across a really bad
person, they're taking advantage of you.
Either way, no one wins in the situation.
It's so important
that in this stage of your life, and
I would say this to a group of
young professionals if they were here. I will
say this to my own siblings. I'll say
this to my cousins. I'll say this to
anybody.
It is so important for you to take
out time
to get to know yourself.
Who am I, and why am I that
person?
Who am I? What do I like? What
do I dislike?
Who do I like? Who do I dislike?
Personalities. Talking about these things.
What are the qualities that God has given
me?
How is it that, you know, I do
why is it that I do what I
do? Why do I say what I say?
Why do I interact with the people that
I interact with? You're not like you're not,
like, sitting down inter interrogating yourself, like, and
getting stressed out. No. You're just reflecting. You
know what I'm saying? You sit down at
the end of your day, and you just
think about your day a little bit.
1, it teaches you to be very grateful
because you'll notice things about your day that
you may have went through the whole day
thinking today was a trash day. That's straight
up trash.
And you sit down and reflect you like,
okay. Actually, something did happen.
Teachers you to be very grateful, and it
also teaches you to be very mindful in
a world that doesn't want you to be
mindful,
that you have so many things that distract
you. How many of you guys try to
sit down and do something, and you pick
up your phone to do it, and then
you forgot what you were trying to do,
and the next thing you know is, like,
3 hours, and you you you're on Twitter,
and you kinda ended up on Instagram, and
then now it's time to go to bed.
Yeah.
I just got a time today. You know
what I'm saying?
In the world that doesn't want you to
be mindful, it's so important for you to
work on being more mindful of yourself.
And the last thing that I'm gonna end
with that Sall Safi brought up
was that he talked about how the prophet
said
that there a person does not truly believe
until they love the prophet more than they
love themselves.
And the prophet even added and said that
more than you love your own mother,
more than you love your own mother.
And I find that narration
to be incredible because
went through a situation with
where he said, you know what? I love
you a lot, but I don't love you
more than I love myself.
And the was like, well,
guess you gotta work on it.
The owner
goes away. He comes back, and then he
says, okay. Now I do.
And for him, he was in the company
of the prophet. You know what I'm saying?
So for him, he went back. He did
some reflection.
He thought about it. He thought about what
that meant, and then he came back. He
was like, okay. Actually, this this is true.
And he wasn't the type to lie. Wasn't
like a feelings type of person. He wasn't
saying something that makes my feel good. Like,
that was definitely never a part of his
his personality in the least bit.
Sometimes when I think about this narration, I
think about the love that we're supposed to
have for Allah and the love we're supposed
to have for his messenger.
I wish people would have told me that
you have to get to know people before
you can love them.
Because sometimes you sit down and you're like,
well, man, I don't really I love God,
but I don't really know if I love
him that much, and then you feel bad.
You feel bad because you're like, I should.
You know what I'm saying? How can you
love someone that you don't know?
How can you love them that you don't
know?
And by knowing, I mean, like, sometimes we
have love for celebrities, but we spend all
day looking at their Instagram. So we feel
like we have a sense of connection to
them. Right?
You gotta spend some time getting to know
who your lord is.
You have to spend some time getting to
know who Allah is,
and you have to spend a lot of
time too getting to know who the prophet's
son is.
Because I
me, personally,
I'm not the type of person
that cries during lectures and stuff. Like, they're
just not me. You know, when they talk
about that person that, like, doesn't cry in
salah, like, I used to think that I
was like that person.
I'm, like, sitting in the congregation. They're like,
if your eyes are not crying in salah,
there's something wrong with your heart. And I'll
turn to my mom and be like, well,
you got this one.
And she's like, shut up, stupid girl. I'm
like, just like, you to know. Like, I
don't cry in prayer. It's very difficult.
And I remember the first time
that I was, like, listening to not I
wasn't listening. I was, like, I was listening,
but I was listening to a lecture. And
it had been a a 10 day course
on the whole life of the professor's home
called Cedar Intensive.
And, you know, I wasn't actually a part
of Cedar and Kensho properly because I was
actually working, so I'll be in and out
of the classes or whatever.
But I sat down for 10 days
and went through the life with Sheikh Mohammed
Nasir of the prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wasallam.
And I remember on the last day, he
talks about the death of the prophet sallam.
And I was sitting down listening to this.
Okay? I'm sitting down listening,
and I felt something wet on my face,
like, right there. And I was like, what
is happening?
K. And part of me got shocked that
he died. Not that I didn't know that
apostle died,
but so many times you hear the stories
of his life in bits and pieces, so
you don't really, you know, connect everything. So
you just I just spent 10 days,
about 10 hours a day listening to his
life.
And now I'm here, and it's the last
day,
and now she's talking about the death of
the prophetess.
And I'm like,
why y'all didn't tell me he does? Like,
why y'all gotta why why why do anything
gotta be like this? Like and, you know,
like, I'm really, like, heartbroken about the situation.
And then I'm I'm creeped out by myself
because I don't cry norm I cry about
dumb things, like my brother's eating my tacos
and, like, my ice cream and, like, stuff
like that. You know? Those are the dumb
things I cry about. So, like, there's this,
like, situation, this really real situation
that usually, like, when really real things happen,
I get really awkward and start laughing,
and I'm, like, actually crying. So I'm, like,
really freaked out about this.
And so afterwards, I was turned to my
friends, and I was like, you know, this
was really real. Like, they're like, yeah. I
thought it's when he dies. I'm like, thanks
for letting me know. But I realized I
never knew the prophet until that day.
As many books as I read,
as many narrations as I read, I was
a student.
As many times as I listened to lectures,
which was not that much because I'm not
a huge lecture person,
I didn't know the prophet
until those 10 days.
The second time
I ever cried in salah was, like,
the first it was like I felt like
I was pushed against the corner.
Like, I didn't know where I was going
with my life. I didn't know what I
was doing with my life. I didn't know
what God had in store for me. I
didn't know if God had anything in store
for me. I'm I'm not gonna become a
bum. Like, what is, like, what is happening?
What is happening with my life? And I'm
just praying, and I turned to Allah, and
I'm like, listen,
god. Nobody can help me. I can't help
myself, so you have to help me. And
I'm crying. And then I got freaked out
again because I'm like, that's really weird. Why'd
you start crying?
But then I realized that there's been so
many times in my life
that I have not known God, and I
have not known his messenger.
And that when you spend time learning a
lot learning about Allah,
learning about his messenger,
that it pushes you to wanna be a
better person.
It pushes you to wanna be a better
person, and you start to fill those voids
inside of you. You start to fill them,
and you start to work on yourself and
be better. And you know what that's gonna
attract? That's gonna attract the best relationships in
your life.
That when I made a point
to become a better person, it was not
easy.
Everything
that I could ever be tempted for just
came in silver platter right in my face.
But you know what? God blessed me with
the most amazing friends I could ever ask
for.
The most amazing family I can ever ask
for as annoying as my siblings are. They're
great.
And so you attract good when you want
good for yourself,
but you have to want good for yourself.
So I'm gonna go ahead and stop here
and pass it on to,
but I really am making for all of
you guys because this topic is something that's
really real. And I hope that you guys
never experience
a situation or a relationship when somebody takes
advantage of you.
That is my duet for every single one
of you guys here.
Definitely, Karen. Sean, I'm gonna turn off the
Instagram and Facebook live streams now,
just because,
wanted to obviously have a little bit of,
you know, priority for the people who are
here in person.