Naima B. Robert – TMC Ep. 2 Prepare for a Successful Muslim Marriage the Premarital Masterclass
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The speaker discusses the negative impact of divorce on couples, including the cycle of recycling and desire for marriage. They also mention a course on marriage that provides resources for women to pursue a master's degree in marriage. The speaker emphasizes the importance of self--development and self-reflection in women’s relationships, as well as the negative impact of past experiences on one's relationship with his spouse and family.
AI: Summary ©
marriages just failing. And people just if some don't end up getting
a divorce, but they suffer in their homes, and also, it's toxic.
And then you picture the domino effect with other children. And
the cycle just keeps repeating itself, we just keep recycling
garbage. And so we tried to analyze when we looked at the root
cause of a lot of the cases we've dealt with when counseling
couples, we realize so much could have been prevented if they had
gotten through or gone through a real murder of people at all
costs.
Subhanallah So, I know that you have an online course, which is
preparing for marriage course. Is it for women only or for men and
women?
Yes, I Alhamdulillah finally came up with my labor of love took me
about two years. With the support of Sir aids, I was able to come up
with a 72 video premarital masterclass. And this is our deep
concern at the rate of divorce, and also the rate of marriages
just failing. And people just eat, some don't end up getting a
divorce, but they suffer in their homes. And also, it's toxic. And
when you picture the domino effect with all the children, and the
cycle just keeps repeating itself, we just keep recycling garbage.
And so we tried to analyze when we looked at the root cause of a lot
of the cases we've dealt with when counseling couples, we realize so
much could have been prevented if they had gotten through or gone
through a real therapy at all costs.
Unfortunately, in the Muslim community, it's not
institutionalized. It's not powerful. In some countries, it is
uncommitted in some countries, but we haven't caught on across the
Muslim world. So for me, I just felt you know what knowing
technology now gives us the luxury of turning our phones into our
classroom and connecting with the entire world. With our fingertips.
I thought let me come up with an online masterclass that gives
people the opportunity to hear the truth, The Good, the Bad, and the
ugly truth about marriage. Yes, it is for both men and women and what
tools they need to have all the skills they need to learn before
they get married. So that at least by the time they go in, they have
what it takes to hopefully navigate the obstacles, but most
importantly, make their marriages thrive. How is they get to where
we are in 30 years, and much much faster. Yes, exactly.
Without six years of battling back and forth. Yes, it is for men and
women Alhamdulillah. We have a huge number of participants
already Alhamdulillah I've been blessed that premarital course has
been endorsed by a lot of world renowned scholars. This is my
fourth demain Imam Omar Suleiman, the Sultan here in Nigeria has
assaulted the Muslim, the Muslim leader in Nigeria and a lot of
Islamic organizations even around the world. So Alhamdulillah I feel
very blessed. And I'm truly honored and humbled that so many
believe this is something that will hopefully change the
narrative. It's a 72 video online course.
This beat things it's def definitely and I think we will,
you know have definitely have more conversations about that in sha
Allah. But I am curious, do you believe that someone can be wife
material or husband material and if so, what makes you wife
material or husband material?
I would say
introspection,
acknowledging one's vulnerability, one imperfection.
Recognizing that if you're that way, you are on a constant journey
of self improvement
that humbles you to make you more understanding, more compassionate
and more forgiving of your spouse. But once you recognize you will be
on that journey of self discovery maybe until you die. And you are
ready to accept responsibility for those mistakes you make and you're
not too quick to judge others, you're more willing to give them
the benefit of the doubt.
Once you've embraced that philosophy,
I think it makes you ready but then to also understand your deen
and understand the rights and responsibilities of husbands and
wives. And to me
Embrace that concept of growing together, that we will work
together, we will fix our mistakes together, we know we will
command each other, when we do something good, we will encourage
one another, we will support one another, as an individual, whether
male or female, you start thinking like that, then Insha Allah,
there's every likelihood you will attract the right kind of person
to be your wife, but it's starting with itself. And you just go into
this journey of self discovery, trying to be the better to aspire
to become better everyday the competition is, am I better today
than I was yesterday, and I'm working to be better tomorrow than
I am today in sha Allah, once you adopt that philosophy of always
wanting to improve, then inshallah Yeah, I think wife or husband
material is someone who is self aware, who truly gets the effects
of like, so it said at the very beginning, that his childhood
experiences, he nearly became very aware of that and the impact it
had in his life, how it affected him and how much he wanted to make
sure that he doesn't recycle history. So becoming very self
aware is really critical. So awareness also helped you know,
your, your strengths and your weaknesses. And you then have to
your, your husband or wife material when you are consciously
fighting them, fighting your demons, and also dealing with your
excess baggage, because that is another example. So it gave before
we got married, he said, I still have some things that I want to
deal with, which is part of many reasons why I don't think we
should have kids immediately. And that was the anger that he had, he
had a hot temper. But he normally it's more like a pressure cooker,
you gotta push into the wall, then he explodes. And it's really
nasty. And I just didn't see people like that growing up. Like
I said, My childhood was really beautiful. I never saw explosive
in at home, I was the one always looking for trouble of my brother
provoking him. And everybody's trouble. Everybody's here. But we
never fought. We never had insults, we didn't have any form
of things that would cause trauma. It was such a beautiful
experience. Beauty, my childhood is filled with picnics, singing in
the rain and dancing in the rain, holidays, family holidays
together. And my mother may be cooking or frying an omelet for
supper, and my dad is standing there chatting with her or singing
and we're just dancing. So I have beautiful memories. But a lot of
people don't realize the impact of what they witnessed or what they
experienced, and how it will manifest itself in their
relationship with their spouse or their children. So your wife or
husband material, when you've recognized, you may not be able to
shed all that load, but you need to know it and residents
and not working on it and make sure the person you're courting is
aware of your experiences. So then they know what they're getting
into. Because in my course I talk about no surprises don't bring
something up later on that's gonna make this person regret. I know
someone who it was right after they got married that she revealed
she was raped. And the guidance lost total interest in her didn't
want to touch her because he felt deceived. She never felt really
really, but there was a huge violation of trust because it's
like he never saw that coming. So these are the kinds of things like
I said, Yes, we may have unpleasant experiences, but we
need to recognize them and really respect them, but make sure we
also don't hide them.