Naima B. Robert – TMC E4 Clip What Are the Benefits of Polygyny The First Wife Perspective
AI: Summary ©
The speaker discusses the negative impact of women being "verbal" during their journey, and how it has led them to become "verbal" and feel
the need to be more
interactive. They also mention the importance of respectful language during interactions.
the need to be more
interactive. They also mention the importance of respectful language during interactions.
AI: Summary ©
hamdulillah Al Hamdulillah I one of the things that just I mean,
obviously it's it's
it's
it's a different take on it, I think because very often, when
polygyny is spoken about, you know, in our kind of modern day
Muslim culture, it's horror stories, right? It's horror
stories. It's I've from where I'm sitting, a lot of shaming of men
and shaming of women who don't mind being a second, third, fourth
wife. You know, there's a lot of emphasis on the negatives is also
a lot of emphasis on the pain of the first wife, I think, and I
think the experience of the first wife has kind of given precedence
in the culture in the in the narrative. So I'd love to speak to
that sis in Sharla, if you could share with us
not to say, because I know that we've talked before, and I will
share the footage, actually, and I'll link it in the description.
When you talked about your own journey, coming to terms with you
know, with the this new dynamic.
I know that it's not all sunshine and roses. But I'd love it if you
you know, as the as the original wife you've been married for at
the time, 15 years, was it? What would you say have been the
benefits of polygyny for you? For me, let me see, it allowed me to
to understand the potential of who Cocina Vir could become and who I
can. Wow, I had to understand that he wasn't the ninth grade 14 year
old
way back in the day, and yet to evolve and I was a part of his
timeline is a part of my timeline. And I didn't get a say in who else
was going to be on a timeline. So I end up seeing girls through
polygyny. And that means becoming closer with a lot. So polygyny
about me to I was focused on a love and not enough. And I had to
learn through polygyny that I need to grow. And I needed him to be
removed to a certain degree so that I can do that. So and then he
needed to do that. Not only needed to do that, and she'll speak on
that herself. And I always say that the beauty about the three of
us is that we have the ability to tell our own experience. That's
the power of OPR is that there's three of us. Oh no, there's gonna
be rollovers are
limited in my mind, you know, I'm not it was just me and him but I
wasn't a full week
is gonna want to practice all areas of Islam. I said, Well, why
would he come along.
And I just want to practice these things. And it just leave that to
the side that to me is a fool's errand to think that. So for me,
it's about time for me to be there for my daughters who were growing
and developing. And they needed to have more deeper conversations
with me as I have four daughters, and we're going to start that's a
lot of girls. But I learned that I needed to become more available so
that they can be elevated within those two because it was not easy
for not just the three of us but the children.
So educate them and refocus my energy Oh my lord matter because
if I didn't do that enough, then I was gonna lose my way and this
would never came to pass was always about evolution. It was all
about empowerment. It was all about having enough time to
reconnect with a lot. It's part of our test. This was always going to
be I don't think it's something that was man made and manufactured
but Allah always knew so this was always going to be this way. So to
swim in the river denial was not
so beneficial in that way. Where we focused me and my children.
Wow, that's
really really deep. Just I could love him for that and like lots of
food for thought because I think the majority of viewers if they're
married, they probably will be the only wife or the first wife. May I
ask, did your feelings towards him change? Because I know a lot of
sisters feel like if my husband did that x y Zed. What was your
experience? Come on z
this is a British based podcast
my feelings changed in that I was afraid for him. I was afraid for
him because I was concerned whether or not he'd be able to do
it long term. And then with that Me too
I can't you know I didn't take it
I had to understand that we all had a responsibility to the
success of polygyny, including me. Not it wasn't my job to destroy
it, or try to destroy it because it was going to stand on its own.
But I didn't want to create chaos in my own life. So I understand
that things are going to change for him, which means things are
gonna change for us, all, all of us, everyone that was involved in
knowing that this world did not support him. That scared me,
because I'm like, Who's he gonna go to? If there's an issue if he
needs guidance, because the leadership clearly is not being
that? So I was concerned about his journey, and would they be able to
uplift him and help our family? And I didn't have much confidence
in that. So I think if we were in a situation or in a country that
embraced him, in order to help him in order to help our leadership,
our family's leadership, our families, ma'am, then I would have
been like, okay, cool, I get it. I don't like it.
Standards respected. So you don't always have to like everything,
but you must respect it. Especially when you're Muslim,
especially in Islam. I see so many Muslims being so disrespectful and
divisive when it comes to polygyny and makes their pain because they
make it about the three of us and what culture and idea did and all
this stuff. So I said Oh, keep saying what he did say he got
married again. It's because when you start saying what someone did,
then you put a negative connotation to it. I like that. So
that was my thing. I was You're disrespecting a lot. And you're
disrespecting the Sunnah, that I saw less like a slap in that we
angered me, but I was I was mostly just concerned about leadership.
And I'm like, What is he doing? Because you don't have
that I thought was was someone that qualified so
much. Does that complicate and so I'm assuming you remained friends.
Alhamdulillah