Naima B. Robert – TMC E4 Clip Things Muslims Should Avoid in Polygamy and Plural Marriage

I would say,

avoid

being weak.

Avoid being weak, it's easy to be weak. Take the cowardly road or,

you know, be wanting to feel uncomfortable or practice

avoidance, avoid, deal with.

Avoid addresses calling the man on as a man.

Go ahead, move forward directly do what you got to do. But avoid

weakness, right? Because weakness is a choice. You can be courageous

and fail at something once you see respect that. But don't be wicked

succeed at something. There's still no respect. So what is

what is one thing that you would advise polygynous families to

avoid either as members of a polygynous family or just as a

family as a whole one thing to avoid?

Comparisons syndrome, everybody a marriage?

I like that. Yeah. I think one of the major things is allowing mode

to evolve and who they need to become is a big one for me.

Because sometimes we want room to evolve. But we don't allow trading

rooms. And that's a big problem. Huge. You don't allow the husband,

the CO wife or children nobody yourself enough space to learn and

make mistakes because you never make them. I can learn from

people's hands. That always bothered me because then you form

a pattern. All these patterns get formed and then you look up

marriage over kids hates you. Yeah, I mean, it's just a wreck.

So just avoid stabbing someone else's evolution.

Mashallah.

I will say,

avoid

being weak.

Avoid being weak, it's easy to be weak. Take the cowardly road or

not, you know, be wanting to feel uncomfortable practice avoidance

avoid, deal with.

Avoid dresses, man on, man.

Go ahead, move forward directly do what you got to do. But avoid

weakness. Right? Because weakness is a choice. You can be courageous

and fail at something when you still respect that. But don't be

weak and succeed at something. It still goes back. So avoid

weakness.

I really like that. I wonder. I've said before, and maybe coach

Nylund Fatima can

corroborate this. But with the

insecurities sometimes that can come out between the women, either

the initial wife or the subsequent wife. Exactly as coach neither

said it's the comparison, isn't it? You know, I'm not in we

haven't been married as long as them or we don't have as many

children or you know, she knows him better, or she's the new hot

thing, whatever the case may be. And I've always found it to be

very useful for each wife to play her. What's the word? Know when

you have people in a game? Krishna, you know, this, like you

have people in a gay position. That's it,

to play your position, right? Because every one of you has her

own unique strengths in the situation. And her probably her

own unique connection as well with the husband, right? And her home

has its own dynamic that is unique. And it's you know, special

to her and whatever she's creating in on her end of things. And when

sisters have brought this up, I've always said sort of, you know,

play your position, play to your strengths. Don't compare what you

have and what you've got going on with, you know, your co wife,

because all that will happen is you're gonna feel like you're

lacking somehow. But the reality is that you have strengths and she

has strengths. You've got great stuff going for you as she does,

right. Play your position. Do you think that's good advice to give

to co wives? I think is a great,

great advice. This is a funny thing. You said that because

Cochabamba has its history and everything like that, I think was

like okay, well,

instead of figuring out how I can communicate with him in a way I'm

sure we have this way. So maybe he uses this committee

to see these different things and play your position, knowing what

works for you.

If this is the interesting thing, what is done for me, has even

allowed me at times because I know certain strengths of hers and how

she can get through to him or certain things. I can actually go

to

To her, no. What did I do?

And it's really cool. It was like, isn't it? It's not, it's still the

mind of the bears, but it's still succeeding as a unit succeeding as

a team, where it's like, okay, we want to win all around the board.

So if I'm having issues and communicating some type of wants

needs or something like that, and I know that she can do it, or she

can kind of like, you know, wait, you know, there's a trigger

wherever you use that

because we have a relationship together. You know,

y'all we have a fresh

Yeah.

Yeah, go.

Because he is an INTJ. And he has a whole bunch of other stuff going

on. He may be totally oblivious. So what I was feeling when I say,

hey, like, you're right. But then another voice got like, yeah, you

know, this is, you know, this is the feeling this is what a feeling

this is what a feeling person feels like, right

now,

to take away from that, like, he was a happy villain, because he

got the team because he definitely was just, it's more of a logical

standpoint. So being able to have that. And I remember listening to

one of the interviews he did with one of the brothers and it was

like to your wives get together kind of like ganging up on you

type of thing with.

That's what it sounds like, to me. There's a tag team going on here.

But we don't it's more of a, you know, we can work together. And

that's the thing where we even talk about CO wives, that the

other sphere that she's talking about having that with you one

together with one and know each other or not, is so much benefit

in doing that for the whole family dynamic. Yeah. And so when we talk

about outstanding personal relationships, not okay,

relationship, nice eye relationships is like outstanding

personal relationships. You want to make sure that if that's what

you're striving to have, I'm just trying to think you want to do

that all around the board. And of course, there's talked about

before is working within yourself. So because you've done the work

and go to my callback without feeling like well, I don't want

her you know, knowing that I'm on a roll like

yesterday, we're

just pretty much you know, hey, we want to win and we want to see

each other with each other to see they want you out of that mindset

that shifted my shift.

Well before that you will definitely see sold me benefits

and polygyny and they totally outweigh the negative that people

are trying to put out there.