Naima B. Robert – TMC E2 Marriage Advice for Muslim Women About High Expectations

So I have a question on this because I know you know, we all

grew up watching Disney, listening to the love songs, watching the

movies and the romance and the Hollywood vision of relationships

and love, etc. So, you know, the interesting thing about you too,

is that when we see you together, and we hear you talking to each

other, it looks like a fairy tale romance. MashAllah to Karla. But I

think what I would like viewers to also see which is almost more

important is that, firstly, it wasn't always like this. Oh, no,

and it didn't come for free.

You know, and, in fact, if anybody had caught you within those first

six years, it would have been a Nightmare on Elm Street, right?

More than more than Romeo not not Romeo. But you know, no more than

any romance, it would have been a horror show. Right? So I guess my

first question is, do you feel that our expectations for love and

marriage have been have been damaged by Disney and the songs

etc? Or do you find that they've been helpful in some way to kind

of give us something to aspire to? I I personally do believe love

stories still exist, because I saw it in my parents. And that was 50

years and then we leave you build your you create your love story.

Don't ever compare, the worst thing we do is to compare so don't

compare it to Romeo and Juliet or any Disney Juliet and not even a

love story. It doesn't even

there's no happily ever after, like what's going on? So, um, you

know, but I just, I believe I am living my best love story. I could

never have read this in any book I could. And I think the biggest

concern I have is what social media and this reality TV world

has done, that we're in today because it causes you it creates

this voyeurism. You want to know what the others are doing. And

then sometimes you want to borrow that and it kind of work for you.

Or you're kind of looking at your relationship and say, Well,

I've got Yeah,

it creates discontentment. So I believe, do have confidence that

there is love you and beautiful love story. Just create your own

twist on the things you do together, what your vision is,

what the big picture is for your marriage, and you'll be able to

attain it. Because we seem to be, you know, bubbly and laugh a lot.

And we joke a lot. We really do laugh until we fall off the bed

till today we do almost I think hardly a day goes by that we don't

have a painful belly laugh where we just are rolling. Alhamdulillah

humor is like I think the biggest thing in this relationship after

Allah first, but I would say we still quarrel too. He came and

joined me I was on a trip. So he came and joined me yesterday, the

day before we were chatting on the phone, and I was narrating a story

to him. And he immediately annoyed me in how he took over the

conversation. And I just kept saying, I don't believe this and

you could hear me whispering on the phone.

I was just like, how could he take over and into my brain and start

completing the story that he didn't even

know Wait, I got it. So

I just leave it in the bed listening to him. And just I kept

saying I couldn't believe this. I said, Okay, can I please finish

telling you what exactly happened? Because you fast forwarded to What

I should have done? He said I was being a Martian, wasn't I you

sound being a Martian. That's Martian behavior, right?

He said, I'm being emotional. I say yes. And I said this Venusian

is angry right now. He said, he said, You're pouting, aren't you?

I think that just made me start laughing. Well, like just before

that I was angry. I was really angry with him. We still have this

emotion.

But you need his work. And I think because of the fact that over the

years, we've really analyzed and read each other and

I know his triggers, he knows my triggers. And he knows the thing

with him, you know, these motions are very analytical and like, yes

to the point. We like want to, you know, make you picture you will

literally in it. Yes. Yeah. So he's still that way. And he is

understood that I prefer to give the nitty gritty. And so I tried

to reduce the length of

my time

Alright, guys, by time we'll get there. We'll get

this reminds me I know another couple within, you know, within

our circle who very much like you got married and had a lot of

difficulties maybe not right off the bat but so let's say the messy

middle, really tough to the point where it was like, What are you

guys doing? You know, this is this is just torture for all parties

you know this is this is a disaster and you know, they

decided to persevere mashallah and now

they they've, they've they've they got over the hump I think that's

what I want to say they got over the hump. So again, again, I do

think this is just my personal opinion which I keep inserting

everywhere. But I think that what we are told is the normal way that

relationships go in the media, social media, you know, popular

culture, etc. I think is not helpful. Not that it can never

happen, but it's not helpful because it makes you think that

that's how it always is, and that there is a happily ever after at

the wedding.