Naima B. Robert – Q&A on Firsttime Intimacy & Vaginismus Amirah Zaky

Naima B. Robert
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The importance of finding a neutral sex experience for men is emphasized, with practice and feedback before achieving it. Natural lubricants and ginseng tea as gifts for brides, healthy sexual activities, and a 30-minute training session for women struggling with hesitation or painful sex. A free 30-minute training session for men also offers.

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			Ladies. Welcome to our final
		
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			talk in the Muslim self care conference.
		
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			I would just like to take a moment
		
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			to just express
		
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			my gratitude to firstly Allah
		
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			for allowing this to happen.
		
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			And he knows
		
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			how he allowed it to happen. And only
		
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			he knows
		
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			So I thank him for allowing us to
		
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			be able to join here together and for
		
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			all our wonderful panelists being able to make
		
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			the time, for all of you to be
		
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			able to make and find the time in
		
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			your days to be here, to attend, to
		
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			be a wonderful audience, to be fair.
		
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			And I ask that Allah blesses you all.
		
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			As I said, this is our final talk,
		
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			and this is miss Amira Zaki, and she
		
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			is going to be speaking about how to
		
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			be fearless in the bedroom. So I'm gonna
		
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			hand it over to you, sis. Bismillah, take
		
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			it away. Bismillah, thank you so much, Usnayama.
		
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			It's a pleasure to be here.
		
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			So I wanna start off by getting you
		
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			to think about your first
		
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			memories
		
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			of *, Not in terms of your first
		
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			memory of having * itself if you're married
		
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			right now but in terms of when you
		
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			actually found out what * was.
		
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			When was that? So think back to that
		
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			moment for yourself
		
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			and also think back to the kind of
		
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			thoughts that you had about it and the
		
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			feelings you had about it. Maybe think about
		
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			how old were you? Was it a positive
		
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			thought or a positive feeling or a positive
		
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			experience?
		
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			That time when you first kind of heard
		
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			about * and started understanding what it is
		
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			and what it involves or was it negative
		
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			thoughts, negative feelings, a negative experience?
		
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			And there is a kind of broad range
		
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			there. You know?
		
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			It could be, you know, your experience could
		
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			be extremely negative or it could be extremely
		
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			positive. Maybe you were brought up by parents
		
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			who were very open and talked about *
		
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			or maybe you weren't. So I just really
		
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			want you to just start off by thinking
		
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			about that. And as you start thinking about
		
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			those things, I'm going to talk about my
		
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			experience and what led me to be here
		
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			today, talking to you and sharing my experience.
		
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			And also inshallah I'll talk about the work
		
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			that I do and why I do it.
		
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			So for me personally
		
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			my kind of first understanding of * started
		
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			in year 7. I was in high school,
		
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			and I remember being in a biology lesson
		
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			and just kind of flicking through the textbook,
		
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			and I happened to land on a on
		
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			on an image. And that image was quite
		
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			a graphic image. It was like a cartoon
		
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			image of a man and a woman having
		
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			* where you could actually see the penis
		
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			in the *.
		
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			And when I first looked at it, I
		
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			didn't understand what was going on. I had
		
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			never really,
		
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			like, thought about * before. I didn't know
		
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			what was going on, and I think I
		
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			read the caption under that image.
		
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			And I was pretty horrified because I was
		
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			like, what's going on here? Is this really
		
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			what happens?
		
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			And I don't know whether you have had
		
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			something similar happen to you. And then later
		
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			on as I went through high school,
		
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			maybe as I was approaching year 10 and
		
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			11,
		
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			I heard one of my friends. She was
		
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			talking about her older sister. So she was
		
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			a non Muslim, and she was talking about
		
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			her older sister
		
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			and how her older sister
		
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			had * for the first time and
		
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			how extremely painful it was. And when I
		
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			heard that story, it horrified me once again.
		
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			And so
		
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			I also came from a family where my
		
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			parents didn't really talk to me about *
		
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			and if they did it was kind of
		
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			brought up in a negative way like you
		
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			are not to have * whatsoever, you need
		
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			to remain a virgin, you know, if you
		
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			have * that is a huge sin which
		
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			is all correct but I think the,
		
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			thoughts and things that I heard about *
		
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			and things that I saw related to *
		
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			were very, very negative. And so I just
		
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			want you to question
		
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			what how you were brought up and raised,
		
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			in terms of your ideas about *.
		
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			Later on, I started learning a bit more
		
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			particular things
		
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			like when a virgin loses her virginity,
		
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			her hymen has to break.
		
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			That was the kind of story I heard
		
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			and how if the hymen breaks, it leads
		
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			to bleeding and how painful that is. So
		
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			once again, that brought back horror with like,
		
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			that that horrified feeling, that same horrified feeling.
		
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			And then I kind of left high school
		
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			and went on to 6th form just before
		
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			university
		
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			and, you know, could continue to hear negative
		
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			stories about *. It was never really painted
		
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			in a very good light. And then I
		
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			happened to meet my now husband
		
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			back then in 6th form, and we actually
		
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			got married really, really young. We got married
		
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			at age 18,
		
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			simply because I met him, got to know
		
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			him, we liked each other, and we didn't
		
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			wanna
		
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			do haram things together. So I told my
		
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			parents about him. He told my parents his
		
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			parents about me, and we got married really,
		
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			really young. And I think there are positives
		
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			and negatives to getting married at such a
		
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			young young age. So we got married, but
		
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			we actually didn't live together until we were
		
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			19. So we continued living with our own
		
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			parents for a whole year.
		
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			And then we decided after a year at
		
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			age 19, we got, we decided to move
		
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			out together. So we moved out together. We
		
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			rented a 1 bedroom flat actually near my
		
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			university.
		
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			And,
		
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			you know, when we moved out, we decided
		
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			that that would be our wedding night because
		
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			we were finally in our own place.
		
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			So, we did a kind of little party
		
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			because we'd already kind of got married and
		
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			had a big party. Just before we moved
		
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			out, we did a little party with just
		
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			my close friends and family
		
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			and then we moved into our flat together.
		
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			And that would have been my wedding night.
		
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			So I made sure I got dressed up,
		
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			did my makeup really nice, made sure I
		
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			was wearing really nice lingerie
		
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			as I'm sure if any of you are
		
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			married probably did the same sort of thing.
		
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			And I expected to on that night to
		
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			go from being a virgin
		
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			to not being 1.
		
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			But I was really, really anxious. I was
		
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			really nervous. In fact, I would say I
		
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			was pretty fearful
		
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			of that of my wedding night because of
		
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			all those negative stories I'd heard
		
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			about how painful it was. I simply had
		
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			a fear of pain and I also had
		
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			a fear of the unknown.
		
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			I had thoughts coming up inside me where
		
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			I was wondering, is it true is it
		
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			true what these women say about it being
		
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			so painful?
		
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			Surely, it must be true because so many
		
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			people have have
		
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			have said the same thing. These were the
		
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			thoughts going on in my head right before
		
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			doing the deed with my husband.
		
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			So, you know, we we tried to get
		
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			in the mood and that kind of thing.
		
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			We did engage in foreplay,
		
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			and
		
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			it came it came to the time where
		
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			I was about to lose my virginity.
		
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			And as my husband's penis was entering my
		
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			*,
		
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			all I could feel was immense pain, so
		
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			much so that I screamed and told him
		
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			to get off me because I was like,
		
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			he's he's trying to break through my hymen.
		
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			Surely, that's the barrier because in my mind,
		
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			I thought the hymen was a barrier back
		
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			then. And I told him to go off
		
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			me and I was like, I can't do
		
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			it.
		
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			And he was like, what's wrong? He tried
		
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			to reassure me, but I was like, it's
		
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			too painful, and I can't bear it. And
		
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			so we kind of ended on a negative
		
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			note. Our wedding night wasn't this positive experience.
		
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			It was in fact a pretty dreadful experience
		
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			for me. I think I even burst into
		
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			tears and my husband was like, that's okay.
		
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			We can try again later, which we did.
		
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			We tried again, I think, probably the next
		
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			day or the next week, and we kept
		
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			on trying, but the same thing kept happening.
		
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			It was all every single time that we
		
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			tried it was painful. In fact every single
		
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			time that we tried it seemed to get
		
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			more and more painful so much so that
		
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			I would dread it and I felt like
		
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			a pretty lousy wife in terms of I
		
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			felt like I couldn't
		
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			satisfy
		
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			satisfy my husband's needs in that way. So
		
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			we resorted to other methods things like outer
		
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			course to satisfy our sexual needs.
		
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			But there was still this kind of
		
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			void, this emptiness. I didn't feel like a
		
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			woman. I was still a virgin in essence
		
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			because he wasn't able to penetrate me, and
		
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			I really didn't know what to do.
		
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			And we pretty much lived like that for
		
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			a whole year. And at the end of
		
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			that year,
		
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			my husband and I had a conversation and
		
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			we could see that this was placing
		
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			such a huge burden in our marriage
		
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			because only us 2 knew about this thing.
		
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			We didn't discuss it with anyone. We didn't
		
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			talk about it with our family friends. We
		
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			kind of thought we were the only people
		
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			in the world to go through this, to
		
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			have an unconsummated marriage for a whole year.
		
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			And it got to a point where my
		
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			husband pretty much said if this continues
		
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			we're probably gonna have no choice but to
		
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			get divorced.
		
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			He didn't say it in a threatening way.
		
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			It was just both of us were feeling
		
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			really disheartened
		
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			and we didn't know what to do. And
		
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			so I had a choice in front of
		
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			me. I could either just allow myself to
		
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			be a victim and say, okay. That that's
		
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			it. I'm gonna have to get divorced.
		
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			Or I decided, even though I was quite
		
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			young, I decided I'm gonna have to do
		
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			something about this and take this into my
		
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			own hands.
		
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			So what I did is I went on
		
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			the Internet and I started searching for solutions
		
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			to painful * and I kept on doing
		
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			lots of research and looking at different links
		
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			and eventually I came across the term vaginismus.
		
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			Prior to that I had never heard of
		
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			vaginismus in my life And so as I
		
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			skimmed through, I was like, surely I don't
		
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			have this thing called vaginismus.
		
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			But something was telling me that I just
		
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			needed to read up about it, so I
		
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			did. I read up about what vaginismus is.
		
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			And as I was reading about it, it
		
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			was like this light bulb moment
		
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			happened because I was like, that's it. That's
		
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			exactly what I'm going through. And I couldn't
		
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			believe it because when I read that it
		
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			was an actual known
		
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			medical term, it's a known medical condition,
		
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			I felt this huge sense of relief because
		
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			I was like, I know that I'm not
		
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			the only one. Because if there's a medical
		
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			term for something, you know that there's at
		
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			least there are at least going to be
		
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			a few people that suffer from this thing.
		
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			And so I continued doing some reading about
		
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			vaginismus
		
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			and came to understand
		
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			that vaginismus was completely
		
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			curable,
		
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			and it involved,
		
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			different types of therapy using tools known as
		
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			dilators.
		
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			And these tools, dilators, are tools that you
		
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			insert into your *. They come in different
		
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			sizes
		
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			and you need to practice something called a
		
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			reverse kegel.
		
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			Essentially, what a reverse Kegel is you might
		
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			have heard of Kegel exercises.
		
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			A reverse Kegel is the opposite where you
		
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			are actually learning
		
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			how to get your pelvic floor muscles to
		
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			be relaxed.
		
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			Because what I learned about vaginismus
		
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			is
		
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			is that vaginismus
		
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			is a condition
		
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			where the pelvic floor muscles, which are the
		
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			muscles that surround your *,
		
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			those muscles start contracting fear
		
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			or
		
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			worry
		
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			or
		
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			stress
		
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			or
		
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			anxiety
		
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			and that's
		
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			fear or worry or stress or anxiety,
		
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			and that's exactly what was happening for me.
		
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			Because I grew up with all of those
		
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			come and that feeling
		
00:11:14 --> 00:11:17
			caused my pelvic floor muscles to contract. And
		
00:11:17 --> 00:11:20
			when the pelvic floor muscles contract, what happens
		
00:11:20 --> 00:11:22
			is the * becomes really narrow
		
00:11:23 --> 00:11:25
			and that's the reason why it was impossible
		
00:11:26 --> 00:11:29
			for my husband's penis to pen for for
		
00:11:29 --> 00:11:31
			my husband's penis to penetrate my *, and
		
00:11:31 --> 00:11:33
			that's the reason why
		
00:11:33 --> 00:11:36
			* was so painful for me. So I
		
00:11:36 --> 00:11:39
			ordered those dilators because I knew that they
		
00:11:39 --> 00:11:41
			would be tools to help me practice
		
00:11:41 --> 00:11:44
			to help me practice getting my pelvic floor
		
00:11:44 --> 00:11:46
			muscles to be relaxed. Because if the pelvic
		
00:11:46 --> 00:11:49
			floor muscles are relaxed, the * is nice
		
00:11:49 --> 00:11:53
			and wide, and penetration is completely possible
		
00:11:53 --> 00:11:54
			and completely
		
00:11:54 --> 00:11:56
			pain free and completely comfortable.
		
00:11:57 --> 00:11:59
			So I would love to know why you're
		
00:11:59 --> 00:12:01
			here in this talk. Is it because you're
		
00:12:01 --> 00:12:02
			currently experiencing
		
00:12:03 --> 00:12:04
			painful *?
		
00:12:05 --> 00:12:07
			Is it because you you believe you might
		
00:12:07 --> 00:12:08
			have vaginismus?
		
00:12:09 --> 00:12:10
			Or is it because
		
00:12:11 --> 00:12:11
			you're currently,
		
00:12:12 --> 00:12:13
			able to have *,
		
00:12:14 --> 00:12:16
			but you're not really satisfied? I'd love to
		
00:12:16 --> 00:12:18
			know where you are right now. So is
		
00:12:18 --> 00:12:21
			it number 1 where you're simply experiencing painful
		
00:12:21 --> 00:12:24
			*? Is it number 2 where you believe
		
00:12:24 --> 00:12:25
			you might have vaginismus?
		
00:12:25 --> 00:12:28
			Or is it number 3 where you are
		
00:12:28 --> 00:12:30
			able to have *, but you're not feeling
		
00:12:30 --> 00:12:32
			very satisfied and you wanna become more and
		
00:12:32 --> 00:12:34
			more fearless in the
		
00:12:37 --> 00:12:38
			Okay.
		
00:12:41 --> 00:12:41
			Okay.
		
00:12:42 --> 00:12:44
			Anyone else? I know we have I think
		
00:12:44 --> 00:12:46
			is there 15 of us on here?
		
00:12:47 --> 00:12:50
			Okay. So Hava is saying sometimes 1, which
		
00:12:50 --> 00:12:52
			is painful *, but most of the time
		
00:12:52 --> 00:12:52
			3.
		
00:12:53 --> 00:12:55
			So that's the one where she's able to
		
00:12:55 --> 00:12:58
			have * but is not fully satisfied.
		
00:13:00 --> 00:13:02
			Sarah is saying I have been married for
		
00:13:02 --> 00:13:05
			7 years and still have painful * no
		
00:13:05 --> 00:13:06
			matter how my husband and me tries, and
		
00:13:06 --> 00:13:08
			it's never satisfying.
		
00:13:08 --> 00:13:09
			Okay.
		
00:13:09 --> 00:13:10
			13
		
00:13:11 --> 00:13:12
			says Raffia.
		
00:13:14 --> 00:13:16
			I'm here because I'm curious. Okay. Great. Abby,
		
00:13:16 --> 00:13:18
			could you let me know, are you married
		
00:13:19 --> 00:13:21
			or not married? Just so I know.
		
00:13:25 --> 00:13:27
			Okay. I believe Abby is saying that she's
		
00:13:27 --> 00:13:27
			married.
		
00:13:29 --> 00:13:30
			Okay. Aminah is saying,
		
00:13:31 --> 00:13:34
			subhanAllah, I never realized how common this was
		
00:13:34 --> 00:13:36
			until recently speaking to a friend.
		
00:13:37 --> 00:13:39
			It takes such courage to speak about this
		
00:13:39 --> 00:13:41
			so openly within the Muslim community.
		
00:13:41 --> 00:13:42
			Alhamdulillah.
		
00:13:43 --> 00:13:45
			Actually quite a lot of people tell me
		
00:13:45 --> 00:13:47
			that I have courage to speak about this,
		
00:13:47 --> 00:13:48
			but I feel like
		
00:13:48 --> 00:13:50
			I don't feel like that's the case for
		
00:13:50 --> 00:13:52
			me. And I'll say why because right now,
		
00:13:52 --> 00:13:55
			it feels like more of a duty. It
		
00:13:55 --> 00:13:57
			doesn't feel like I need to be
		
00:13:57 --> 00:13:59
			brave to share this. It feels like it's
		
00:13:59 --> 00:14:00
			something that
		
00:14:00 --> 00:14:03
			Allah is compelling me to do that I
		
00:14:03 --> 00:14:05
			I experienced that trial
		
00:14:05 --> 00:14:07
			many years ago, in fact. So I'm now
		
00:14:07 --> 00:14:09
			30. So I got married, as I said,
		
00:14:09 --> 00:14:12
			at 18, had my first wedding night experience
		
00:14:12 --> 00:14:14
			at 19. So it's been, like, 11 years
		
00:14:14 --> 00:14:15
			or so
		
00:14:15 --> 00:14:16
			since that experience.
		
00:14:17 --> 00:14:19
			I didn't talk about it for a long
		
00:14:19 --> 00:14:21
			time because I didn't know how to help
		
00:14:21 --> 00:14:24
			women in this way up until much more
		
00:14:24 --> 00:14:26
			recently where I where I I noticed so
		
00:14:26 --> 00:14:28
			many women saying that they have this condition,
		
00:14:28 --> 00:14:29
			vaginismus.
		
00:14:30 --> 00:14:31
			And so I felt it was my duty
		
00:14:31 --> 00:14:33
			to be able to help these women because
		
00:14:33 --> 00:14:35
			I went through it and, alhamdulillah, I overcame
		
00:14:35 --> 00:14:37
			it and it's now my duty to help
		
00:14:37 --> 00:14:37
			women
		
00:14:38 --> 00:14:39
			overcome it too.
		
00:14:40 --> 00:14:42
			So, Habiba is saying, I'm not married, and
		
00:14:42 --> 00:14:44
			I'm here to learn just in case. Perfect.
		
00:14:44 --> 00:14:45
			So, Habiba, could you let me know what
		
00:14:45 --> 00:14:48
			are your feelings around the wedding night, and
		
00:14:48 --> 00:14:50
			what are your feelings and thoughts about losing
		
00:14:50 --> 00:14:51
			your virginity?
		
00:14:53 --> 00:14:55
			I'll be saying, I think more sisters need
		
00:14:55 --> 00:14:57
			to talk about this openly without feeling shy.
		
00:14:57 --> 00:14:57
			Yes. Definitely.
		
00:14:58 --> 00:14:59
			And I I know that there are quite
		
00:14:59 --> 00:15:00
			a lot of,
		
00:15:00 --> 00:15:02
			women especially on Instagram that I've seen like
		
00:15:02 --> 00:15:04
			Village Auntie and a few others that are
		
00:15:04 --> 00:15:05
			talking about *.
		
00:15:06 --> 00:15:08
			But definitely I feel like what I'm talking
		
00:15:08 --> 00:15:10
			about is more specific in terms of if
		
00:15:10 --> 00:15:13
			you're suffering from painful *. Okay. So a
		
00:15:13 --> 00:15:15
			few of you said that you're experiencing number
		
00:15:15 --> 00:15:18
			1, which is the painful *. Now painful
		
00:15:18 --> 00:15:20
			* is obviously quite a broad term,
		
00:15:21 --> 00:15:23
			and it can be caused by
		
00:15:23 --> 00:15:24
			by almost anything.
		
00:15:25 --> 00:15:28
			So if you're experiencing that broad painful *
		
00:15:28 --> 00:15:30
			where you're not really sure what it's caused
		
00:15:30 --> 00:15:30
			by,
		
00:15:31 --> 00:15:33
			I would recommend going to see a gynecologist,
		
00:15:34 --> 00:15:36
			a female doctor because usually we're more comfortable
		
00:15:36 --> 00:15:38
			with a woman, speaking to a female doctor
		
00:15:38 --> 00:15:41
			about what you're experiencing just so that they
		
00:15:41 --> 00:15:44
			can rule out anything else, like an infection,
		
00:15:44 --> 00:15:44
			for example,
		
00:15:45 --> 00:15:47
			or, god forbid, a tumor. That needs to
		
00:15:47 --> 00:15:49
			be ruled out first of all. And obviously
		
00:15:49 --> 00:15:50
			I'm not a doctor but that is what
		
00:15:50 --> 00:15:53
			I would recommend if you're experiencing painful *
		
00:15:53 --> 00:15:54
			in general.
		
00:15:54 --> 00:15:58
			If the painful * is upon entry,
		
00:15:58 --> 00:16:00
			meaning as soon as your husband's penis goes
		
00:16:00 --> 00:16:03
			in and it's pretty painful then,
		
00:16:03 --> 00:16:05
			the most likely thing that you're going through
		
00:16:05 --> 00:16:06
			is vaginismus.
		
00:16:07 --> 00:16:09
			Because what I was describing in my situation,
		
00:16:10 --> 00:16:12
			when I tried to lose my virginity on
		
00:16:12 --> 00:16:14
			my wedding night, my husband's penis couldn't even
		
00:16:14 --> 00:16:16
			go in, not even like the tip. That
		
00:16:16 --> 00:16:19
			would be painful. So if you're experiencing painful
		
00:16:19 --> 00:16:21
			* where it's painful at the very beginning,
		
00:16:21 --> 00:16:24
			it's likely to be due to vaginismus because
		
00:16:24 --> 00:16:25
			as I was mentioning,
		
00:16:26 --> 00:16:28
			the pelvic floor muscles are contracting,
		
00:16:28 --> 00:16:30
			and they're causing the whole of the vaginal
		
00:16:31 --> 00:16:34
			canal to become really narrow. So it's pretty
		
00:16:34 --> 00:16:36
			impossible for the penis to go in. I
		
00:16:36 --> 00:16:37
			mean, maybe a little bit can go in,
		
00:16:37 --> 00:16:39
			like, at the tip or maybe a quarter
		
00:16:39 --> 00:16:41
			of it, but it gets more and more
		
00:16:41 --> 00:16:43
			painful as the penis tries to go in.
		
00:16:43 --> 00:16:47
			If, however, you're experiencing painful * once your
		
00:16:47 --> 00:16:50
			husband's penis is already in you, then that
		
00:16:50 --> 00:16:52
			could be different. It could be vaginismus if
		
00:16:52 --> 00:16:54
			you're kind of clenching up as he's inside
		
00:16:54 --> 00:16:57
			you or if you're experiencing painful * as
		
00:16:57 --> 00:17:00
			he's thrusting inside you meaning he's moving in
		
00:17:00 --> 00:17:02
			and out. That also could be something different
		
00:17:02 --> 00:17:04
			but it could be vaginismus.
		
00:17:04 --> 00:17:07
			So this would require talking to a specialist.
		
00:17:07 --> 00:17:09
			It could be me or any vaginismus specialist
		
00:17:09 --> 00:17:10
			and saying
		
00:17:11 --> 00:17:14
			describing exactly what your what your experience
		
00:17:14 --> 00:17:16
			is so that we can help you deduce
		
00:17:16 --> 00:17:18
			whether it's vaginismus
		
00:17:18 --> 00:17:20
			or whether it's a different cause.
		
00:17:20 --> 00:17:22
			Because if it is vaginismus,
		
00:17:22 --> 00:17:25
			it's very simple to overcome. I mentioned
		
00:17:26 --> 00:17:27
			using tools like dilators
		
00:17:28 --> 00:17:31
			and learning how to relax your pelvic floor
		
00:17:31 --> 00:17:31
			muscles.
		
00:17:31 --> 00:17:33
			If there's a different cause, we obviously need
		
00:17:33 --> 00:17:35
			to know what the cause is so that
		
00:17:35 --> 00:17:37
			we can then identify the solution.
		
00:17:39 --> 00:17:41
			Okay. So a few of you are saying
		
00:17:41 --> 00:17:42
			also that you're,
		
00:17:43 --> 00:17:46
			that you're number 3, meaning that you're not
		
00:17:46 --> 00:17:47
			you are able to have *
		
00:17:48 --> 00:17:49
			but not really satisfied.
		
00:17:50 --> 00:17:52
			So my question for those ladies and I'd
		
00:17:52 --> 00:17:53
			love for you to type it in the
		
00:17:53 --> 00:17:53
			chat,
		
00:17:55 --> 00:17:57
			do you engage in plenty of foreplay?
		
00:17:58 --> 00:17:59
			I would love to know the answer to
		
00:17:59 --> 00:18:00
			that.
		
00:18:00 --> 00:18:02
			So for the women who said that they
		
00:18:02 --> 00:18:03
			are number 3,
		
00:18:03 --> 00:18:05
			meaning that they can have *,
		
00:18:06 --> 00:18:09
			but they aren't finding it satisfying. Could you
		
00:18:09 --> 00:18:10
			let me know
		
00:18:11 --> 00:18:14
			if you are engaging in plenty of foreplay
		
00:18:14 --> 00:18:14
			beforehand?
		
00:18:17 --> 00:18:18
			So Habiba saying,
		
00:18:20 --> 00:18:21
			excitement, to be honest,
		
00:18:22 --> 00:18:25
			here, so I can definitely enjoy * because,
		
00:18:25 --> 00:18:27
			oh, so Javier, I think, was the one
		
00:18:27 --> 00:18:29
			that said she's not married but she's feeling
		
00:18:29 --> 00:18:30
			excitement. Right?
		
00:18:31 --> 00:18:33
			So I can definitely enjoy * because life
		
00:18:33 --> 00:18:35
			is too short to be having terrible or
		
00:18:35 --> 00:18:38
			painful * among all these other things happening
		
00:18:38 --> 00:18:40
			in the world. Absolutely. I completely agree. I
		
00:18:40 --> 00:18:42
			I think, you know, if we are going
		
00:18:42 --> 00:18:44
			to be married to someone, we need to
		
00:18:44 --> 00:18:47
			educate ourselves onto on how we can actually
		
00:18:47 --> 00:18:50
			enjoy *. I'm sure that village auntie preaches
		
00:18:50 --> 00:18:52
			about this on how we as women
		
00:18:52 --> 00:18:54
			need to empower ourselves and learn
		
00:18:55 --> 00:18:57
			actually what is it that turns me on?
		
00:18:57 --> 00:18:59
			What is it that I like in the
		
00:18:59 --> 00:19:02
			bedroom? How can I communicate with my husband
		
00:19:02 --> 00:19:04
			and get him to do the things that
		
00:19:04 --> 00:19:05
			I really want to do? And for us
		
00:19:05 --> 00:19:07
			to not be shy and to realize it's
		
00:19:07 --> 00:19:09
			a partnership with your husband,
		
00:19:10 --> 00:19:11
			That communication
		
00:19:11 --> 00:19:12
			is key
		
00:19:12 --> 00:19:15
			in every sense in in in every single
		
00:19:15 --> 00:19:18
			relationship and communicating what you want your husband
		
00:19:18 --> 00:19:20
			to do to you. It's about giving and
		
00:19:20 --> 00:19:21
			receiving. It's not about
		
00:19:22 --> 00:19:25
			you only pleasuring your husband or your husband
		
00:19:25 --> 00:19:27
			only pleasuring you. It needs to be that
		
00:19:27 --> 00:19:28
			two way street, definitely.
		
00:19:30 --> 00:19:33
			So Raffia said, I've seen consultant gynaecologists,
		
00:19:34 --> 00:19:36
			and I've been told that there are no
		
00:19:36 --> 00:19:38
			issues and just need to relax.
		
00:19:38 --> 00:19:41
			Yeah. I know. So sometimes, so I've had
		
00:19:41 --> 00:19:43
			a few clients that say similar things about
		
00:19:43 --> 00:19:46
			just relax. And sometimes saying that to a
		
00:19:46 --> 00:19:48
			client is easier said than done
		
00:19:48 --> 00:19:50
			if you especially if you don't know how
		
00:19:50 --> 00:19:51
			to relax.
		
00:19:52 --> 00:19:54
			One thing I do recommend to some of
		
00:19:54 --> 00:19:55
			my clients is spending time
		
00:19:56 --> 00:19:59
			before engaging in *, spending time on your
		
00:19:59 --> 00:19:59
			own.
		
00:20:00 --> 00:20:01
			And because as you'll hear, you're here in
		
00:20:01 --> 00:20:02
			the self care conference,
		
00:20:03 --> 00:20:05
			spending time on your own and figuring out
		
00:20:06 --> 00:20:07
			what is it that I wanna do for
		
00:20:07 --> 00:20:11
			myself right now. So something that I do
		
00:20:11 --> 00:20:13
			usually before I engage in * with my
		
00:20:13 --> 00:20:15
			husband is I decide what do I really
		
00:20:15 --> 00:20:17
			need right now.
		
00:20:17 --> 00:20:19
			Because if I don't do that, I end
		
00:20:19 --> 00:20:21
			up resenting my husband. I end up feeling
		
00:20:21 --> 00:20:24
			like I'm giving * to him
		
00:20:24 --> 00:20:27
			and that I'm not receiving anything back. And
		
00:20:27 --> 00:20:28
			so for me, personally, and I'm sure that
		
00:20:28 --> 00:20:30
			this will resonate with a lot of women
		
00:20:30 --> 00:20:33
			too. For me, personally, I need my emotional
		
00:20:33 --> 00:20:36
			cup filled. So what I tend to do
		
00:20:36 --> 00:20:38
			before engaging in * with my husband
		
00:20:38 --> 00:20:40
			is I I'll make sure the kids are
		
00:20:40 --> 00:20:41
			in bed, and I will just run a
		
00:20:41 --> 00:20:44
			nice warm bath with candles, with oils, and
		
00:20:44 --> 00:20:46
			I will just lay there for an hour.
		
00:20:47 --> 00:20:49
			And that is my me time. I'm filling
		
00:20:49 --> 00:20:52
			myself up, and then I feel a lot
		
00:20:52 --> 00:20:54
			more ready to then engage in * with
		
00:20:54 --> 00:20:56
			my husband. And I enjoy it more as
		
00:20:56 --> 00:20:58
			well Because if I don't do that, I'll
		
00:20:58 --> 00:21:00
			feel like I've been so busy during the
		
00:21:00 --> 00:21:03
			day with work and with kids and then
		
00:21:03 --> 00:21:06
			feel really frantic before engaging in * without
		
00:21:06 --> 00:21:08
			having that me time ends up in you
		
00:21:08 --> 00:21:10
			not really having a satisfying
		
00:21:10 --> 00:21:11
			experience.
		
00:21:12 --> 00:21:14
			Okay. So what else have we got here?
		
00:21:14 --> 00:21:17
			We've got let's make this bigger.
		
00:21:19 --> 00:21:21
			Okay. So Avi is saying she agrees with
		
00:21:21 --> 00:21:21
			Habiba.
		
00:21:22 --> 00:21:24
			Oh, yeah. So, Raffia was saying that she's
		
00:21:24 --> 00:21:26
			just been told that she needs to relax.
		
00:21:26 --> 00:21:28
			So is the gynecologist
		
00:21:28 --> 00:21:30
			saying that you need to relax so that
		
00:21:30 --> 00:21:31
			you,
		
00:21:32 --> 00:21:34
			don't have painful *? Because if that's what
		
00:21:34 --> 00:21:37
			the gynecologist is saying, really, what we need
		
00:21:37 --> 00:21:39
			to be taught is how. How do we
		
00:21:39 --> 00:21:42
			get our pelvic floor muscles to relax?
		
00:21:43 --> 00:21:44
			Because once we know how to get them
		
00:21:44 --> 00:21:45
			to relax,
		
00:21:45 --> 00:21:48
			then we won't experience painful * anymore.
		
00:21:50 --> 00:21:52
			I can see that
		
00:21:52 --> 00:21:55
			Habiba is saying, I follow village auntie. She's
		
00:21:55 --> 00:21:57
			so amazing. Yeah. I completely agree.
		
00:21:58 --> 00:21:59
			How about saying most of the time we
		
00:21:59 --> 00:22:00
			have foreplay?
		
00:22:01 --> 00:22:05
			Great. So foreplay is so important. Now foreplay
		
00:22:05 --> 00:22:07
			isn't the only way to ensure that you
		
00:22:07 --> 00:22:10
			are having satisfying *. It's also about
		
00:22:10 --> 00:22:13
			you deciding that you are going to make
		
00:22:14 --> 00:22:15
			your *
		
00:22:15 --> 00:22:16
			a priority
		
00:22:17 --> 00:22:18
			in every single
		
00:22:18 --> 00:22:21
			session that you have * with your husband.
		
00:22:21 --> 00:22:23
			So I'm gonna say that again.
		
00:22:23 --> 00:22:26
			Having a satisfying * life with your husband
		
00:22:26 --> 00:22:28
			is about you deciding
		
00:22:29 --> 00:22:30
			that your *
		
00:22:31 --> 00:22:32
			is a priority
		
00:22:33 --> 00:22:35
			in every single * session that you have
		
00:22:35 --> 00:22:36
			with your husband.
		
00:22:37 --> 00:22:39
			Because if you don't do that, you're not
		
00:22:39 --> 00:22:41
			going to want to have *. You'll come
		
00:22:41 --> 00:22:42
			up with excuses.
		
00:22:43 --> 00:22:44
			I'm tired.
		
00:22:44 --> 00:22:47
			Maybe later. That kind of thing. Whereas if
		
00:22:47 --> 00:22:47
			you know
		
00:22:48 --> 00:22:49
			that you are guaranteed
		
00:22:50 --> 00:22:52
			to * during the next time that you
		
00:22:52 --> 00:22:53
			have * with your husband,
		
00:22:54 --> 00:22:56
			you're going to want to do it. So
		
00:22:56 --> 00:22:58
			that's why I say it's so important to
		
00:22:58 --> 00:22:58
			prioritize
		
00:22:59 --> 00:23:01
			your *. Now some of you might be
		
00:23:01 --> 00:23:04
			thinking, okay. I don't know how to *
		
00:23:04 --> 00:23:07
			or it's very, very fleeting, meaning sometimes I
		
00:23:07 --> 00:23:09
			can *, sometimes I can't.
		
00:23:10 --> 00:23:12
			When it comes to *, it is definitely
		
00:23:12 --> 00:23:15
			about trial and error. I believe that each
		
00:23:15 --> 00:23:17
			one of us here, each woman here,
		
00:23:17 --> 00:23:19
			* in a different way. There is something
		
00:23:19 --> 00:23:22
			that might turn me on that won't turn
		
00:23:22 --> 00:23:23
			you on and vice versa.
		
00:23:24 --> 00:23:26
			So it's about you maybe spending time journaling.
		
00:23:26 --> 00:23:28
			What is it that turns me on? Is
		
00:23:28 --> 00:23:30
			it an it kind of also comes down
		
00:23:30 --> 00:23:33
			to your love language as well. So for
		
00:23:33 --> 00:23:33
			me, personally,
		
00:23:34 --> 00:23:38
			I love words words of affirmation. They really
		
00:23:38 --> 00:23:40
			turn me on. So if my husband is
		
00:23:40 --> 00:23:42
			saying certain things, that will turn me on.
		
00:23:43 --> 00:23:44
			It might be the same for you and
		
00:23:44 --> 00:23:46
			it might be different. Okay? So it's about
		
00:23:46 --> 00:23:49
			deciding and and trialing. What is it that
		
00:23:49 --> 00:23:52
			firstly turns me on before I even engage
		
00:23:52 --> 00:23:54
			in *? And what is it that continues
		
00:23:54 --> 00:23:56
			to get me in the mood when I'm
		
00:23:56 --> 00:23:58
			having * in the middle of all that
		
00:23:58 --> 00:23:59
			foreplay?
		
00:24:02 --> 00:24:02
			Okay.
		
00:24:03 --> 00:24:04
			Where did we go up to?
		
00:24:06 --> 00:24:09
			SubhanAllah. When my so this is and she's
		
00:24:09 --> 00:24:11
			saying, subhanAllah, when my periods were starting,
		
00:24:11 --> 00:24:13
			I had really bad period pains.
		
00:24:14 --> 00:24:17
			The doctors diagnosed that I didn't have the
		
00:24:17 --> 00:24:19
			path for the period to flow out, so
		
00:24:19 --> 00:24:21
			I had a little operation. So don't know
		
00:24:21 --> 00:24:23
			if that would have been,
		
00:24:24 --> 00:24:25
			so you said vaginitis
		
00:24:26 --> 00:24:27
			vaginatus?
		
00:24:27 --> 00:24:29
			I'm assuming you you mean vaginismus.
		
00:24:30 --> 00:24:32
			Okay. So if your period wasn't able to
		
00:24:32 --> 00:24:33
			flow out and you had to have a
		
00:24:33 --> 00:24:36
			little operation for your periods to flow out,
		
00:24:36 --> 00:24:38
			that could have led to vaginismus.
		
00:24:39 --> 00:24:39
			So vaginismus
		
00:24:40 --> 00:24:43
			can also be caused by some kind of
		
00:24:43 --> 00:24:44
			trauma or surgery.
		
00:24:44 --> 00:24:47
			It's usually known as secondary vaginismus.
		
00:24:47 --> 00:24:49
			It can even happen to women
		
00:24:49 --> 00:24:50
			after childbirth.
		
00:24:51 --> 00:24:53
			So a woman can have *,
		
00:24:53 --> 00:24:55
			get pregnant, and everything is fine. There was
		
00:24:55 --> 00:24:57
			no pain with * beforehand.
		
00:24:57 --> 00:24:59
			And then as soon as she gives birth
		
00:25:00 --> 00:25:01
			and, you know, after a period of time
		
00:25:01 --> 00:25:04
			when she is able to have * again,
		
00:25:04 --> 00:25:05
			she goes to have *
		
00:25:06 --> 00:25:08
			and realizes that it's now
		
00:25:08 --> 00:25:09
			so painful.
		
00:25:09 --> 00:25:12
			And that's usually known as secondary vaginismus,
		
00:25:12 --> 00:25:14
			perhaps due to trauma or the pain of
		
00:25:14 --> 00:25:15
			childbirth.
		
00:25:15 --> 00:25:18
			And so that would require reeducating and using
		
00:25:18 --> 00:25:20
			the dilators as therapy
		
00:25:20 --> 00:25:22
			to get your pelvic floor muscles to relax
		
00:25:22 --> 00:25:25
			again. So what you were mentioning about having
		
00:25:25 --> 00:25:27
			needing to have an operation
		
00:25:27 --> 00:25:30
			that could have have led to vaginismus. It
		
00:25:30 --> 00:25:33
			can lead to painful * definitely.
		
00:25:35 --> 00:25:37
			One thing I wanna mention before I continue
		
00:25:37 --> 00:25:37
			to,
		
00:25:38 --> 00:25:39
			read the the comments here is,
		
00:25:40 --> 00:25:43
			the operation that you're mentioning, I'm assuming,
		
00:25:43 --> 00:25:44
			is a hymenotomy.
		
00:25:45 --> 00:25:46
			A hymenotomy
		
00:25:46 --> 00:25:48
			is the removal of the hymen.
		
00:25:48 --> 00:25:51
			Now what I will say is that this
		
00:25:51 --> 00:25:54
			surgery is not really needed for most women
		
00:25:54 --> 00:25:57
			unless it's an extreme circumstance like like what
		
00:25:57 --> 00:26:00
			Zafrine was mentioning. She mentioned that her period
		
00:26:00 --> 00:26:02
			wasn't able to flow out
		
00:26:03 --> 00:26:05
			perhaps because the hymen was very, very thick
		
00:26:05 --> 00:26:08
			and rigid and didn't have any perforations or
		
00:26:08 --> 00:26:10
			holes in it and that's why the period
		
00:26:10 --> 00:26:13
			couldn't flow through. So in that instance, she
		
00:26:13 --> 00:26:14
			would need to have an hymenotomy.
		
00:26:15 --> 00:26:18
			However, in most women who have vaginismus,
		
00:26:19 --> 00:26:20
			meaning they have painful *,
		
00:26:21 --> 00:26:22
			many of them wrongly
		
00:26:23 --> 00:26:25
			assume that it's because of their hymen.
		
00:26:25 --> 00:26:29
			They wrongly assume that their hymen is still
		
00:26:29 --> 00:26:31
			intact and that their hymen is too rigid.
		
00:26:32 --> 00:26:34
			And so some doctors will say we need
		
00:26:34 --> 00:26:36
			to remove your hymen. And in 99%
		
00:26:37 --> 00:26:39
			of the cases, actually, the hymen doesn't need
		
00:26:39 --> 00:26:40
			to be removed
		
00:26:41 --> 00:26:41
			because
		
00:26:42 --> 00:26:43
			the hymen
		
00:26:43 --> 00:26:45
			is not the cause of vaginismus.
		
00:26:46 --> 00:26:48
			What I learned in my in the work
		
00:26:48 --> 00:26:50
			that I do is that the hymen actually
		
00:26:50 --> 00:26:52
			is a very, very thin
		
00:26:52 --> 00:26:55
			stretchy membrane that all girls are born with.
		
00:26:55 --> 00:26:57
			And as a baby girl grows up and
		
00:26:57 --> 00:27:00
			becomes, a teenager and then a young and
		
00:27:00 --> 00:27:02
			then a young adult, that hymen over time
		
00:27:02 --> 00:27:04
			becomes more and more stretchy
		
00:27:04 --> 00:27:07
			and actually starts to break and wear away
		
00:27:07 --> 00:27:09
			naturally over the course of time. And for
		
00:27:09 --> 00:27:12
			many girls, especially if girls are quite active
		
00:27:12 --> 00:27:14
			doing any kind of sport, it doesn't have
		
00:27:14 --> 00:27:16
			to be just horse riding. It could be
		
00:27:16 --> 00:27:19
			any sport. The hymen can actually just completely
		
00:27:19 --> 00:27:19
			break
		
00:27:19 --> 00:27:22
			for any any girl even though she's a
		
00:27:22 --> 00:27:22
			virgin.
		
00:27:22 --> 00:27:24
			And so what the reason I'm saying this
		
00:27:24 --> 00:27:27
			is because it will usually go unnoticed. The
		
00:27:27 --> 00:27:29
			girl won't even realize that her hymen is
		
00:27:29 --> 00:27:29
			broken
		
00:27:30 --> 00:27:31
			because
		
00:27:31 --> 00:27:32
			the hymen itself
		
00:27:33 --> 00:27:36
			doesn't cause any pain. So most this is
		
00:27:36 --> 00:27:38
			what I heard when I was growing up.
		
00:27:38 --> 00:27:39
			Most people assume
		
00:27:39 --> 00:27:42
			that the pain that a virgin experiences
		
00:27:43 --> 00:27:45
			when she has * for the first time,
		
00:27:45 --> 00:27:47
			they assume that it's because of the hymen
		
00:27:47 --> 00:27:47
			breaking.
		
00:27:48 --> 00:27:49
			The reality is
		
00:27:50 --> 00:27:50
			the hymen
		
00:27:51 --> 00:27:53
			the hymen itself is a very thin membrane
		
00:27:54 --> 00:27:54
			and it has
		
00:27:55 --> 00:27:57
			hardly any nerve endings,
		
00:27:58 --> 00:27:59
			or it might have none at all. It
		
00:27:59 --> 00:28:01
			might have no nerve endings.
		
00:28:01 --> 00:28:03
			And what that means is the pain doesn't
		
00:28:03 --> 00:28:05
			actually come from the hymen.
		
00:28:06 --> 00:28:07
			When a virgin loses her virginity
		
00:28:08 --> 00:28:11
			and if she experiences pain, it's actually because
		
00:28:11 --> 00:28:12
			of the pelvic floor muscles.
		
00:28:13 --> 00:28:16
			Naturally, a virgin who's about to lose her
		
00:28:16 --> 00:28:16
			virginity,
		
00:28:17 --> 00:28:19
			she's feeling a bit anxious and worried. And
		
00:28:19 --> 00:28:22
			so like I mentioned earlier, if you're having
		
00:28:22 --> 00:28:24
			that anxiety and that stress and worry,
		
00:28:25 --> 00:28:27
			your pelvic floor muscles will contract
		
00:28:27 --> 00:28:28
			subconsciously.
		
00:28:28 --> 00:28:30
			You won't even realize that it's happened. And
		
00:28:30 --> 00:28:32
			if the pelvic floor muscles are contracted,
		
00:28:33 --> 00:28:35
			the * is gonna be very narrow and
		
00:28:35 --> 00:28:37
			penetration is gonna be very, very
		
00:28:37 --> 00:28:39
			painful or impossible.
		
00:28:39 --> 00:28:41
			So that is the pain that a virgin
		
00:28:41 --> 00:28:43
			is going through. And so another thing that
		
00:28:43 --> 00:28:45
			I do is I love to educate
		
00:28:45 --> 00:28:48
			non married women on how they can actually
		
00:28:48 --> 00:28:49
			lose their virginity
		
00:28:49 --> 00:28:52
			in a completely painless way. And essentially, it's
		
00:28:52 --> 00:28:54
			the same work that you need to do
		
00:28:54 --> 00:28:55
			to overcome vaginismus.
		
00:28:56 --> 00:28:58
			So as I mentioned, to overcome vaginismus,
		
00:28:59 --> 00:29:02
			I do recommend doing what I call insertion
		
00:29:02 --> 00:29:03
			exercises.
		
00:29:03 --> 00:29:06
			It's practice exercises where you insert different sizes
		
00:29:06 --> 00:29:07
			of dilators.
		
00:29:08 --> 00:29:10
			It's you just practicing how to insert something
		
00:29:10 --> 00:29:12
			into your own * a bit like a
		
00:29:12 --> 00:29:15
			woman inserting a tampon when she has her
		
00:29:15 --> 00:29:15
			period.
		
00:29:16 --> 00:29:19
			So practicing with these dilators so that you
		
00:29:19 --> 00:29:20
			know for yourself
		
00:29:20 --> 00:29:22
			that there is no pain there. You know
		
00:29:22 --> 00:29:25
			for yourself that you can do it once
		
00:29:25 --> 00:29:27
			you know how to do a reverse kegel
		
00:29:27 --> 00:29:29
			exercise. And you can go and search it
		
00:29:29 --> 00:29:32
			online, search how to do reverse kegel exercises.
		
00:29:32 --> 00:29:33
			So kegel.
		
00:29:35 --> 00:29:38
			Reverse kegel exercises essentially teach you how to
		
00:29:38 --> 00:29:40
			relax the pelvic floor muscles
		
00:29:40 --> 00:29:42
			so that you can insert a tampon or
		
00:29:42 --> 00:29:44
			a dilator really easily. And if you can
		
00:29:44 --> 00:29:47
			insert a tampon or a dilator easily you
		
00:29:47 --> 00:29:49
			can also do the same thing with your
		
00:29:49 --> 00:29:51
			husband's penis. So for non married women
		
00:29:52 --> 00:29:54
			who are in child love one day to
		
00:29:54 --> 00:29:56
			be married, if you want to have
		
00:29:56 --> 00:29:57
			a a pleasant
		
00:29:57 --> 00:29:59
			experience on your wedding night where there is
		
00:29:59 --> 00:30:02
			no pain, where you're not feeling any worry
		
00:30:02 --> 00:30:04
			or stress, in fact, you're feeling really confident,
		
00:30:05 --> 00:30:07
			I highly recommend that you spend time learning
		
00:30:07 --> 00:30:09
			how to do reverse kegel exercises
		
00:30:10 --> 00:30:13
			and spend time learning how to insert something.
		
00:30:13 --> 00:30:15
			If you don't wanna go and buy dilators,
		
00:30:15 --> 00:30:17
			just go and buy a pack of tampons
		
00:30:17 --> 00:30:20
			and practice with them because the process of
		
00:30:20 --> 00:30:23
			insertion is the same. To insert a tampon
		
00:30:23 --> 00:30:24
			into your *
		
00:30:24 --> 00:30:26
			requires the same process
		
00:30:27 --> 00:30:30
			as inserting your husband's penis. It literally requires
		
00:30:31 --> 00:30:33
			you learning how to do reverse kegel exercises,
		
00:30:34 --> 00:30:34
			relaxing
		
00:30:34 --> 00:30:36
			your pelvic floor muscles.
		
00:30:36 --> 00:30:39
			And that same thing applies to learning how
		
00:30:39 --> 00:30:39
			to overcome
		
00:30:40 --> 00:30:42
			painful * if you've ruled out infection
		
00:30:43 --> 00:30:45
			or vaginismus if you know that you have
		
00:30:45 --> 00:30:45
			it.
		
00:30:46 --> 00:30:48
			Okay. Let's see what else we have in
		
00:30:48 --> 00:30:48
			the chat.
		
00:30:49 --> 00:30:50
			So,
		
00:30:50 --> 00:30:52
			Zohra is saying, to be honest, lots of
		
00:30:52 --> 00:30:54
			doctors don't even know what vaginismus
		
00:30:54 --> 00:30:55
			is.
		
00:30:55 --> 00:30:57
			And if you talk to them about it,
		
00:30:57 --> 00:30:59
			they'll be like, no. There is no way
		
00:30:59 --> 00:31:01
			that you have that, or they don't even
		
00:31:01 --> 00:31:03
			know what you're talking about. Yeah. Absolutely right,
		
00:31:03 --> 00:31:05
			Zuora. That's true. It's very unfortunate.
		
00:31:05 --> 00:31:08
			I don't believe that there is much training
		
00:31:08 --> 00:31:10
			provided to doctors about vaginismus.
		
00:31:11 --> 00:31:13
			So that's, I think, why I had to
		
00:31:13 --> 00:31:15
			step up to this role because I personally
		
00:31:16 --> 00:31:18
			chose not to speak to a doctor about
		
00:31:18 --> 00:31:20
			it. I self diagnosed myself,
		
00:31:22 --> 00:31:23
			when I just when I realized that I
		
00:31:23 --> 00:31:26
			had fagunismus, and I treated myself. I didn't
		
00:31:26 --> 00:31:28
			go to the doctor for treatment. I ordered
		
00:31:28 --> 00:31:30
			the dilators myself and spent time
		
00:31:37 --> 00:31:37
			and
		
00:31:38 --> 00:31:39
			and his penis was able to go in
		
00:31:39 --> 00:31:41
			me for the very first time, and there
		
00:31:41 --> 00:31:42
			was zero pain.
		
00:31:43 --> 00:31:45
			And that that was essentially the time I
		
00:31:45 --> 00:31:48
			really fully lost my virginity to him. And
		
00:31:48 --> 00:31:50
			so when when I when I noticed that
		
00:31:50 --> 00:31:51
			there was no pain,
		
00:31:52 --> 00:31:54
			I was like, why was I worried so
		
00:31:54 --> 00:31:55
			much? There is no pain.
		
00:31:56 --> 00:31:57
			And so I realized that
		
00:31:58 --> 00:31:58
			if a woman
		
00:31:59 --> 00:32:01
			is going around and saying, I've had *
		
00:32:01 --> 00:32:03
			for the first time and it was horrific.
		
00:32:03 --> 00:32:04
			It was so painful.
		
00:32:04 --> 00:32:06
			The reason it was so painful for her
		
00:32:06 --> 00:32:08
			it's true for her. It's valid for her
		
00:32:08 --> 00:32:09
			in her reality.
		
00:32:09 --> 00:32:11
			The reason it was so painful for her
		
00:32:11 --> 00:32:12
			was because, unfortunately,
		
00:32:13 --> 00:32:15
			she didn't have the education that we're learning
		
00:32:15 --> 00:32:17
			now. She maybe didn't know much about her
		
00:32:17 --> 00:32:20
			pelvic floor muscles and how she needed to
		
00:32:20 --> 00:32:22
			practice getting them relaxed. And the great thing
		
00:32:22 --> 00:32:23
			about
		
00:32:24 --> 00:32:27
			having vaginismus or having painful * is that
		
00:32:27 --> 00:32:28
			most of the time,
		
00:32:28 --> 00:32:32
			we can empower ourselves to overcome it. I
		
00:32:32 --> 00:32:33
			speak to a lot of my clients, and
		
00:32:33 --> 00:32:34
			I say that
		
00:32:34 --> 00:32:36
			having the condition vaginismus
		
00:32:37 --> 00:32:39
			is not like having cancer.
		
00:32:39 --> 00:32:41
			If someone has cancer, god forbid,
		
00:32:42 --> 00:32:43
			a lot of things are not in your
		
00:32:43 --> 00:32:46
			control. Yes. You can improve your diet and
		
00:32:46 --> 00:32:47
			take your medications
		
00:32:47 --> 00:32:49
			and all of that, but there are still
		
00:32:49 --> 00:32:51
			other factors out of outside of your control,
		
00:32:52 --> 00:32:54
			mostly in Allah's control where you don't know
		
00:32:54 --> 00:32:56
			if you're going to overcome the cancer.
		
00:32:56 --> 00:32:58
			Whereas with something like vaginismus
		
00:32:58 --> 00:33:02
			it's literally fully in the woman's control subhanAllah.
		
00:33:02 --> 00:33:04
			In order for you to overcome vaginismus
		
00:33:05 --> 00:33:08
			and overcome painful *, if it's not caused
		
00:33:08 --> 00:33:10
			by something like a tumor or,
		
00:33:10 --> 00:33:11
			an infection,
		
00:33:11 --> 00:33:14
			in order to overcome vaginismus, it's literally about
		
00:33:14 --> 00:33:17
			going within within yourself. It's about
		
00:33:17 --> 00:33:20
			reframing the thoughts that you're having about *,
		
00:33:20 --> 00:33:23
			changing those thoughts to be positive ones Instead
		
00:33:23 --> 00:33:24
			of inheriting
		
00:33:25 --> 00:33:27
			stories and thoughts from other people about *,
		
00:33:27 --> 00:33:29
			which we tend to do, we inherit the
		
00:33:29 --> 00:33:32
			stories from our parents about * or our
		
00:33:32 --> 00:33:34
			friends about * or from the media or
		
00:33:34 --> 00:33:35
			TV.
		
00:33:35 --> 00:33:38
			We inherit all those negative stories about *
		
00:33:38 --> 00:33:39
			and those negative stories
		
00:33:40 --> 00:33:43
			create the negative feelings of stress, worry, anxiety,
		
00:33:43 --> 00:33:44
			fear.
		
00:33:44 --> 00:33:46
			We can choose like just like we chose
		
00:33:46 --> 00:33:49
			to inherit those thoughts, we can choose to
		
00:33:49 --> 00:33:51
			disregard those thoughts because they're not serving us
		
00:33:52 --> 00:33:53
			and choose to inherit
		
00:33:53 --> 00:33:56
			positive thoughts about * especially if we are
		
00:33:56 --> 00:33:59
			doing them in alignment with the way Allah
		
00:33:59 --> 00:34:01
			wants us to have * with our husband
		
00:34:01 --> 00:34:03
			because I'm sure you all agree and all
		
00:34:03 --> 00:34:06
			know that having * is abuse. It should
		
00:34:06 --> 00:34:07
			be a beautiful experience.
		
00:34:08 --> 00:34:11
			Allah created it for pleasure between the spouses
		
00:34:11 --> 00:34:12
			and it's,
		
00:34:12 --> 00:34:15
			Allah didn't design it to be a painful
		
00:34:15 --> 00:34:16
			experience
		
00:34:16 --> 00:34:17
			or
		
00:34:17 --> 00:34:20
			an experience that you dread. He designed it
		
00:34:20 --> 00:34:22
			where you actually enjoy it more and more
		
00:34:22 --> 00:34:24
			and you learn about your spouse at the
		
00:34:24 --> 00:34:25
			same time.
		
00:34:25 --> 00:34:28
			Okay. So let's continue reading through the comments.
		
00:34:30 --> 00:34:32
			Zora is saying also a lot of women
		
00:34:32 --> 00:34:33
			don't satisfy
		
00:34:33 --> 00:34:36
			penetrative * and need clitoral stimulation.
		
00:34:36 --> 00:34:37
			Absolutely. So that was a point that I
		
00:34:37 --> 00:34:39
			was gonna come to, so I'll talk about
		
00:34:39 --> 00:34:40
			it now, is
		
00:34:41 --> 00:34:44
			there there are several ways for women to
		
00:34:44 --> 00:34:45
			experience *.
		
00:34:45 --> 00:34:47
			It could be through manual stimulation.
		
00:34:48 --> 00:34:51
			It could be through the husband regularly stimulating
		
00:34:51 --> 00:34:53
			the clitoris as Zora's mentioning.
		
00:34:55 --> 00:34:56
			Actually, most women don't
		
00:34:57 --> 00:34:59
			experience * during *.
		
00:35:00 --> 00:35:01
			It tends to require
		
00:35:01 --> 00:35:04
			a lot of trial and error. So for
		
00:35:04 --> 00:35:05
			me, personally,
		
00:35:05 --> 00:35:08
			I've learned exactly what my body wants
		
00:35:08 --> 00:35:12
			when my husband is penetrating me, exactly
		
00:35:12 --> 00:35:15
			what motions I need to do, what movements
		
00:35:15 --> 00:35:16
			I need to do,
		
00:35:16 --> 00:35:19
			how I need to rhythmically contract my own
		
00:35:19 --> 00:35:21
			pelvic floor muscles
		
00:35:21 --> 00:35:24
			once he is inside me. Because one when
		
00:35:24 --> 00:35:26
			I rhythmically contract my own pelvic floor muscles
		
00:35:26 --> 00:35:29
			when he's inside me, that leads me to
		
00:35:29 --> 00:35:30
			have an *.
		
00:35:30 --> 00:35:32
			So it is about you learning what is
		
00:35:32 --> 00:35:34
			the rhythm that you need to do to
		
00:35:34 --> 00:35:36
			experience * during *.
		
00:35:37 --> 00:35:39
			And if you're not able to have an
		
00:35:39 --> 00:35:40
			* during *,
		
00:35:41 --> 00:35:44
			don't let that session end. Don't let your
		
00:35:44 --> 00:35:46
			husband go away satisfied
		
00:35:46 --> 00:35:48
			if you haven't experienced *.
		
00:35:48 --> 00:35:51
			Communicate with him in that moment and say,
		
00:35:51 --> 00:35:53
			I haven't had an *. This is what
		
00:35:53 --> 00:35:54
			I want you to do. And go back
		
00:35:54 --> 00:35:57
			to that trial and error. What exactly is
		
00:35:57 --> 00:35:59
			it? Have you ever experienced an * in
		
00:35:59 --> 00:36:02
			the past? What was it that allowed you
		
00:36:02 --> 00:36:03
			to achieve an * and go back and
		
00:36:03 --> 00:36:06
			try that again? Because it could be that
		
00:36:06 --> 00:36:07
			that is exactly what he needs to go
		
00:36:07 --> 00:36:08
			and do again.
		
00:36:09 --> 00:36:11
			Yes. Well, absolutely, Naomi. I see at the
		
00:36:11 --> 00:36:14
			bottom, you said, ladies, come first. That's actually
		
00:36:14 --> 00:36:15
			really important. I know that you might be
		
00:36:15 --> 00:36:18
			giggling about that, but, actually, it is really
		
00:36:18 --> 00:36:21
			important for the woman to * first. And
		
00:36:21 --> 00:36:23
			if you don't * first, it's not the
		
00:36:23 --> 00:36:24
			end of the world. Let's say your husband
		
00:36:24 --> 00:36:28
			does * first. Don't allow that session to
		
00:36:28 --> 00:36:28
			end there.
		
00:36:29 --> 00:36:32
			Demand your right to have an *. So
		
00:36:32 --> 00:36:33
			say, I haven't had an *. This is
		
00:36:33 --> 00:36:35
			what I want you to do to get
		
00:36:35 --> 00:36:36
			me to *.
		
00:36:36 --> 00:36:39
			Okay? But, yes, definitely. If you are able
		
00:36:39 --> 00:36:41
			to * first, if you're able to come
		
00:36:41 --> 00:36:41
			first,
		
00:36:42 --> 00:36:44
			that makes things a lot better because he
		
00:36:44 --> 00:36:45
			can then continue
		
00:36:46 --> 00:36:48
			to achieve his * if you've already
		
00:36:48 --> 00:36:51
			come first. So the way I describe it
		
00:36:51 --> 00:36:53
			is if your if if your husband is
		
00:36:53 --> 00:36:54
			penetrating you
		
00:36:54 --> 00:36:56
			and you feel that you're
		
00:36:56 --> 00:36:59
			about to * but you're not yet ready
		
00:36:59 --> 00:37:02
			and he is definitely ready to *,
		
00:37:02 --> 00:37:04
			tell him to come out of you. Tell
		
00:37:04 --> 00:37:05
			him I'm not ready to *.
		
00:37:05 --> 00:37:07
			Tell him to go back and do a
		
00:37:07 --> 00:37:08
			bit more foreplay, do a little bit more
		
00:37:08 --> 00:37:09
			manual stimulation
		
00:37:10 --> 00:37:11
			until you're right at the point where you're
		
00:37:11 --> 00:37:12
			about to *.
		
00:37:13 --> 00:37:14
			And then you can tell him to go
		
00:37:14 --> 00:37:17
			back inside you and try then. And you
		
00:37:17 --> 00:37:19
			might come at the same time. You might
		
00:37:19 --> 00:37:22
			come before him, but I do recommend definitely
		
00:37:22 --> 00:37:24
			that you * first as much as possible.
		
00:37:24 --> 00:37:26
			If you can't, like I said,
		
00:37:27 --> 00:37:29
			if he if he comes before you, go
		
00:37:29 --> 00:37:31
			back and claim your right demand. You're right
		
00:37:31 --> 00:37:32
			and say, this is what I want you
		
00:37:32 --> 00:37:34
			to do so that I can * too.
		
00:37:36 --> 00:37:38
			Okay. So we've got Rafiya saying, yes. That's
		
00:37:38 --> 00:37:40
			what I say. Well, that's what they say.
		
00:37:40 --> 00:37:43
			Sorry. I find that if I haven't had
		
00:37:43 --> 00:37:45
			* in a week or 2, then it
		
00:37:45 --> 00:37:48
			becomes really tight and painful for entry and
		
00:37:48 --> 00:37:51
			painful during it. Okay. So, yeah, sometimes if
		
00:37:51 --> 00:37:52
			you haven't had * for a week or
		
00:37:52 --> 00:37:55
			2, it can become tight but not for
		
00:37:55 --> 00:37:56
			the reasons that you might think.
		
00:37:57 --> 00:37:59
			Because in actual fact, if you think about
		
00:37:59 --> 00:38:01
			your menstrual cycle,
		
00:38:01 --> 00:38:03
			you may or may not know that there
		
00:38:03 --> 00:38:06
			are actually 4 different phases that occur
		
00:38:06 --> 00:38:09
			during the menstrual cycle. Most of us know
		
00:38:09 --> 00:38:11
			of the period part, the bit where we
		
00:38:11 --> 00:38:14
			see the blood, but that's only one part.
		
00:38:14 --> 00:38:16
			That's the menstrual phase. There are other phases,
		
00:38:16 --> 00:38:20
			the luteal phase, the follicular phase, and the
		
00:38:20 --> 00:38:21
			ovulatory phase.
		
00:38:22 --> 00:38:23
			And usually,
		
00:38:23 --> 00:38:25
			during the ovulatory phase,
		
00:38:25 --> 00:38:26
			naturally,
		
00:38:26 --> 00:38:29
			our * is usually at that time,
		
00:38:29 --> 00:38:31
			it's usually longer and wider,
		
00:38:32 --> 00:38:35
			and it's usually more naturally lubricated from the
		
00:38:35 --> 00:38:35
			inside.
		
00:38:36 --> 00:38:37
			And so during the ovulatory
		
00:38:38 --> 00:38:39
			phase, it's usually,
		
00:38:39 --> 00:38:42
			about day 14 of your cycle, roughly.
		
00:38:43 --> 00:38:45
			Meaning if you had your period today, day
		
00:38:45 --> 00:38:46
			1,
		
00:38:46 --> 00:38:49
			14 days later, roughly, would be your ovulatory
		
00:38:49 --> 00:38:51
			phase, and it usually lasts about 3 to
		
00:38:51 --> 00:38:54
			5 days. It varies from woman to woman.
		
00:38:54 --> 00:38:55
			So at that
		
00:38:55 --> 00:38:57
			point, that tends to be the time when
		
00:38:57 --> 00:38:59
			* is the least painful.
		
00:38:59 --> 00:39:02
			It's the most comfortable. It's usually the most
		
00:39:02 --> 00:39:02
			pleasurable.
		
00:39:03 --> 00:39:04
			Women tend to be more * at that
		
00:39:04 --> 00:39:06
			time and more in the mood for *.
		
00:39:07 --> 00:39:08
			So the other phases
		
00:39:08 --> 00:39:11
			you need to work out. So I mentioned
		
00:39:11 --> 00:39:13
			the luteal phase and follicular phase. There are
		
00:39:13 --> 00:39:15
			apps and things that you can download to
		
00:39:15 --> 00:39:16
			work out which phase you're in.
		
00:39:17 --> 00:39:19
			In the others in some of the other
		
00:39:19 --> 00:39:22
			phases, we tend to be less lubricated naturally.
		
00:39:22 --> 00:39:24
			And so if you realize that,
		
00:39:25 --> 00:39:27
			* is a bit more painful for you,
		
00:39:27 --> 00:39:29
			especially if you've had a little bit of
		
00:39:29 --> 00:39:30
			a break for a week or 2 from
		
00:39:30 --> 00:39:33
			*. What I would recommend in those instances
		
00:39:33 --> 00:39:35
			is using something like lubrication.
		
00:39:35 --> 00:39:37
			It could be an artificial lubricant, or it
		
00:39:37 --> 00:39:39
			could be something that most of us probably
		
00:39:39 --> 00:39:42
			have in our homes, a natural lubricant like
		
00:39:42 --> 00:39:44
			coconut oil. And a lot of women actually
		
00:39:44 --> 00:39:46
			that I've spoken to say that they do
		
00:39:46 --> 00:39:48
			really like the coconut oil because there isn't
		
00:39:48 --> 00:39:51
			any irritation when they use it. Sometimes when
		
00:39:51 --> 00:39:52
			you use an artificial lubricant,
		
00:39:53 --> 00:39:55
			it can produce a little bit of irritation.
		
00:39:55 --> 00:39:57
			So go ahead and use something like coconut
		
00:39:57 --> 00:40:00
			oil, Apply it to his penis and apply
		
00:40:00 --> 00:40:01
			it to the outside of your *,
		
00:40:02 --> 00:40:03
			and that should make it a lot more
		
00:40:03 --> 00:40:05
			comfortable and less painful.
		
00:40:07 --> 00:40:08
			Where are we up to?
		
00:40:08 --> 00:40:10
			I can't find my where was
		
00:40:11 --> 00:40:13
			oh, yeah. So Zafrain is saying, oh gosh.
		
00:40:13 --> 00:40:15
			I wouldn't I wouldn't think like that. It's
		
00:40:15 --> 00:40:17
			true. I don't enjoy * at all
		
00:40:17 --> 00:40:19
			because it's just same old stuff. You're making
		
00:40:19 --> 00:40:21
			me laugh so much in a nice way.
		
00:40:21 --> 00:40:23
			Vaginous is new word. Yeah. A lot of
		
00:40:23 --> 00:40:24
			people are saying that it's a new word,
		
00:40:24 --> 00:40:26
			and it's just great to know even if
		
00:40:26 --> 00:40:28
			you don't have it. It's great to know
		
00:40:28 --> 00:40:30
			what vaginism is because
		
00:40:30 --> 00:40:32
			you might be talking to one of your
		
00:40:32 --> 00:40:34
			friends, you know, maybe newly married or about
		
00:40:34 --> 00:40:36
			to get married. And if they're describing that
		
00:40:36 --> 00:40:38
			they have a fear of * or if
		
00:40:38 --> 00:40:40
			they're describing that they tried to have *
		
00:40:40 --> 00:40:42
			because they're now married and they can't and
		
00:40:42 --> 00:40:44
			it's too painful, you can say I know
		
00:40:44 --> 00:40:46
			what this condition is. It's it's probably vaginismus
		
00:40:47 --> 00:40:48
			and then they can then take it into
		
00:40:48 --> 00:40:49
			their own hands
		
00:40:50 --> 00:40:52
			and empower themselves to learn more about it.
		
00:40:55 --> 00:40:55
			Okay.
		
00:40:56 --> 00:40:57
			Habiba is saying,
		
00:40:58 --> 00:40:59
			read
		
00:40:59 --> 00:41:01
			read the old is it read or read
		
00:41:01 --> 00:41:04
			read the old of a virgin? Oh, read
		
00:41:04 --> 00:41:06
			that the older a virgin woman is, the
		
00:41:06 --> 00:41:08
			less likely it is for there to be
		
00:41:08 --> 00:41:09
			any bleeding.
		
00:41:10 --> 00:41:12
			Is this true? I don't believe so. I
		
00:41:12 --> 00:41:13
			don't think it has anything to do with
		
00:41:13 --> 00:41:14
			age.
		
00:41:15 --> 00:41:16
			Bleeding actually
		
00:41:16 --> 00:41:19
			shouldn't really occur in a virgin woman. And
		
00:41:19 --> 00:41:21
			if it does, it should be very minimal.
		
00:41:21 --> 00:41:23
			I know there are certain cultures where they
		
00:41:23 --> 00:41:25
			expect there to be a lot of blood
		
00:41:26 --> 00:41:28
			in order to prove that the bride was
		
00:41:28 --> 00:41:29
			or is a virgin.
		
00:41:30 --> 00:41:32
			I believe it's completely ridiculous. In as I
		
00:41:32 --> 00:41:33
			mentioned,
		
00:41:33 --> 00:41:35
			in most girls, as they grow from being
		
00:41:35 --> 00:41:37
			a young girl into a teenager
		
00:41:37 --> 00:41:38
			and then a young adult,
		
00:41:38 --> 00:41:40
			in most girls, the high men,
		
00:41:41 --> 00:41:42
			kind of disintegrates
		
00:41:42 --> 00:41:44
			over time due to any kind of activity.
		
00:41:45 --> 00:41:46
			And so
		
00:41:46 --> 00:41:48
			that might have led to small amounts of
		
00:41:48 --> 00:41:50
			blood that maybe the girl didn't even pay
		
00:41:50 --> 00:41:52
			attention to or realize that it happened.
		
00:41:52 --> 00:41:54
			And so if there is a lot of
		
00:41:54 --> 00:41:55
			bleeding
		
00:41:56 --> 00:41:57
			when a woman loses her virginity,
		
00:41:58 --> 00:42:00
			it's not because of the hymen or anything.
		
00:42:00 --> 00:42:01
			It's probably because
		
00:42:02 --> 00:42:03
			she was nervous.
		
00:42:03 --> 00:42:05
			She was afraid to lose her virginity. And
		
00:42:06 --> 00:42:08
			as the husband is penetrating and thrusting,
		
00:42:09 --> 00:42:11
			the the friction of his penis
		
00:42:11 --> 00:42:14
			against the tight * because and it's tight
		
00:42:14 --> 00:42:16
			because of the pelvic floor muscles contracting,
		
00:42:16 --> 00:42:17
			that rough penetration,
		
00:42:19 --> 00:42:19
			or
		
00:42:19 --> 00:42:23
			probably he entered quite sharply and forcefully,
		
00:42:24 --> 00:42:25
			that would have led to the bleeding,
		
00:42:26 --> 00:42:28
			not because of the hymen and definitely doesn't
		
00:42:28 --> 00:42:29
			have anything to do
		
00:42:29 --> 00:42:31
			with the older a virgin woman is, the
		
00:42:31 --> 00:42:33
			less likely for there to be bleeding.
		
00:42:34 --> 00:42:36
			I don't think that that is true.
		
00:42:36 --> 00:42:37
			I could be wrong, but I don't think
		
00:42:37 --> 00:42:38
			that's correct.
		
00:42:39 --> 00:42:41
			Okay. RB is saying in school,
		
00:42:42 --> 00:42:44
			many years ago, we were taught that the
		
00:42:44 --> 00:42:44
			hymen
		
00:42:45 --> 00:42:47
			usually breaks by the age of 8 due
		
00:42:47 --> 00:42:48
			to being active, etcetera.
		
00:42:49 --> 00:42:52
			Yep. Yep. Exactly. It does. It usually breaks.
		
00:42:52 --> 00:42:54
			It kind of becomes more stretchy over time,
		
00:42:54 --> 00:42:56
			and it definitely forms perforations.
		
00:42:57 --> 00:42:58
			Actually, one thing I also talk about with
		
00:42:58 --> 00:43:01
			my clients is if you ever have had
		
00:43:01 --> 00:43:02
			a period,
		
00:43:02 --> 00:43:05
			you know for sure that your hymen is
		
00:43:05 --> 00:43:05
			not intact.
		
00:43:06 --> 00:43:08
			There may still be remnants of the hymen
		
00:43:08 --> 00:43:11
			inside your * if you're a virgin, but
		
00:43:11 --> 00:43:13
			you know at least there's definitely perforations. It's
		
00:43:13 --> 00:43:14
			definitely stretchy
		
00:43:14 --> 00:43:16
			because in order for the period blood to
		
00:43:16 --> 00:43:18
			come through your *,
		
00:43:18 --> 00:43:20
			the hymen shouldn't really be intact. There should
		
00:43:20 --> 00:43:23
			be some perforations and holes in it
		
00:43:23 --> 00:43:25
			in order for the period blood to come
		
00:43:25 --> 00:43:26
			to go through. So if you have had
		
00:43:26 --> 00:43:28
			a period, you know that your hymen is
		
00:43:28 --> 00:43:30
			not an issue in terms of when you
		
00:43:30 --> 00:43:31
			lose your virginity.
		
00:43:32 --> 00:43:33
			So
		
00:43:33 --> 00:43:36
			when you're not married, I strongly recommend that
		
00:43:36 --> 00:43:38
			you educate yourselves before you get married in
		
00:43:38 --> 00:43:39
			the future
		
00:43:39 --> 00:43:39
			about
		
00:43:40 --> 00:43:43
			how to do reverse kegel exercises, learning how
		
00:43:43 --> 00:43:46
			to relax your pelvic floor muscles, and even
		
00:43:46 --> 00:43:48
			spending time learning how to insert something, whether
		
00:43:48 --> 00:43:50
			it be a tampon or whether it be
		
00:43:50 --> 00:43:50
			dilators.
		
00:43:52 --> 00:43:54
			Another thing I wanna mention on that note
		
00:43:54 --> 00:43:56
			is some women are afraid to do those
		
00:43:56 --> 00:43:58
			insertion exercises
		
00:43:58 --> 00:44:00
			before getting married because they feel like they
		
00:44:00 --> 00:44:03
			are losing their virginity before they're even married.
		
00:44:04 --> 00:44:06
			My definition of losing your virginity
		
00:44:07 --> 00:44:09
			is when a man's penis enters your *
		
00:44:09 --> 00:44:11
			for the first time. I don't know what
		
00:44:11 --> 00:44:13
			your definition is, but I'm sure that we
		
00:44:13 --> 00:44:14
			can agree, hopefully,
		
00:44:14 --> 00:44:16
			that in order for a woman
		
00:44:16 --> 00:44:18
			to lose her virginity,
		
00:44:18 --> 00:44:21
			a man's penis needs to penetrate her *.
		
00:44:21 --> 00:44:23
			If you are inserting a tampon,
		
00:44:23 --> 00:44:26
			you you haven't broken your virginity or lost
		
00:44:26 --> 00:44:26
			your virginity.
		
00:44:27 --> 00:44:29
			If you're inserting something like a dilator, which
		
00:44:29 --> 00:44:31
			is pretty similar to a tampon,
		
00:44:31 --> 00:44:33
			again, you're not losing your virginity.
		
00:44:34 --> 00:44:36
			I like to think of it as practice.
		
00:44:37 --> 00:44:38
			I use the analogy of
		
00:44:39 --> 00:44:41
			running a marathon for the first time, and
		
00:44:41 --> 00:44:43
			we know that running a marathon is pretty
		
00:44:43 --> 00:44:44
			hardcore.
		
00:44:44 --> 00:44:46
			And so if I said that you are
		
00:44:46 --> 00:44:47
			going to run a marathon
		
00:44:48 --> 00:44:50
			in 6 months time for the very first
		
00:44:50 --> 00:44:52
			time, you've never run a marathon before and
		
00:44:52 --> 00:44:54
			in 6 months time you have to run
		
00:44:54 --> 00:44:55
			a marathon,
		
00:44:55 --> 00:44:58
			would you allow those 6 months to just
		
00:44:58 --> 00:45:00
			pass and not practice anything and wait until
		
00:45:00 --> 00:45:01
			the day and just go and aim for
		
00:45:01 --> 00:45:03
			it and try and run the marathon?
		
00:45:04 --> 00:45:05
			Because just imagine if you try to do
		
00:45:05 --> 00:45:06
			that,
		
00:45:06 --> 00:45:09
			you probably wouldn't be able to complete it,
		
00:45:09 --> 00:45:11
			and it would be very, very painful.
		
00:45:11 --> 00:45:13
			And that's the same with *.
		
00:45:13 --> 00:45:15
			If you know that you're going to get
		
00:45:15 --> 00:45:16
			married or you currently are married, if you
		
00:45:16 --> 00:45:18
			know that you're about to have * for
		
00:45:18 --> 00:45:21
			the first time in 6 months time because
		
00:45:21 --> 00:45:22
			you're gonna get married or in a year's
		
00:45:22 --> 00:45:24
			time, are you just gonna allow those 6
		
00:45:24 --> 00:45:26
			months or a year to go by without
		
00:45:26 --> 00:45:29
			practicing anything first? And that's the reason why
		
00:45:29 --> 00:45:30
			I think many women
		
00:45:31 --> 00:45:33
			have painful * for the first time because
		
00:45:33 --> 00:45:34
			they didn't do
		
00:45:34 --> 00:45:37
			the practice. And the practice is actually twofold.
		
00:45:37 --> 00:45:38
			It does require
		
00:45:38 --> 00:45:40
			a lot of mental training,
		
00:45:40 --> 00:45:43
			identifying what thoughts you have about *
		
00:45:44 --> 00:45:46
			that are not serving you, and also there
		
00:45:46 --> 00:45:48
			is physical training. Like I said,
		
00:45:49 --> 00:45:51
			learning how to do the re the reverse
		
00:45:51 --> 00:45:52
			kegels,
		
00:45:52 --> 00:45:54
			learning how to relax the pelvic floor muscles,
		
00:45:54 --> 00:45:56
			and learning how to do the physical training
		
00:45:56 --> 00:45:59
			in terms of learning how to actually insert
		
00:45:59 --> 00:46:01
			something into your *. Because what I will
		
00:46:01 --> 00:46:03
			tell you is when I first started using
		
00:46:03 --> 00:46:04
			the dilators,
		
00:46:04 --> 00:46:06
			the first time I inserted it into my
		
00:46:06 --> 00:46:09
			in the first time I inserted something into
		
00:46:09 --> 00:46:10
			my *,
		
00:46:10 --> 00:46:12
			I was like, wow. This feels so weird.
		
00:46:13 --> 00:46:14
			That's all that I felt. I was like,
		
00:46:14 --> 00:46:15
			so strange
		
00:46:15 --> 00:46:16
			because most women,
		
00:46:17 --> 00:46:19
			as virgins have never experienced
		
00:46:20 --> 00:46:22
			something inside them. So it really should just
		
00:46:22 --> 00:46:24
			feel a little bit strange, a little bit
		
00:46:24 --> 00:46:26
			weird, but there shouldn't be any
		
00:46:27 --> 00:46:28
			pain involved.
		
00:46:33 --> 00:46:35
			Okay. So, have oh, we've got RB replying
		
00:46:35 --> 00:46:38
			to Habiba saying * usually becomes painful after
		
00:46:38 --> 00:46:38
			menopause
		
00:46:39 --> 00:46:41
			due to a lack of natural vaginal lubrication
		
00:46:42 --> 00:46:44
			due to reduced estrogen. Yes. Abs absolutely.
		
00:46:45 --> 00:46:47
			So in that case, if if a woman
		
00:46:47 --> 00:46:48
			I don't know if any women on here
		
00:46:48 --> 00:46:49
			are,
		
00:46:49 --> 00:46:52
			menopausal or postmenopausal, but in that case, definitely,
		
00:46:52 --> 00:46:53
			what's usually recommended
		
00:46:54 --> 00:46:57
			is to increase the amount of lubrication that
		
00:46:57 --> 00:46:57
			you use.
		
00:47:00 --> 00:47:02
			What have we got? Just moving down there.
		
00:47:02 --> 00:47:04
			So Zora is saying, I think * are
		
00:47:04 --> 00:47:06
			more mental rather than anything else. Yes.
		
00:47:07 --> 00:47:08
			You've hit the nail on the head. I
		
00:47:08 --> 00:47:11
			think for us as women, it definitely is.
		
00:47:11 --> 00:47:13
			If my if I had a really busy,
		
00:47:13 --> 00:47:15
			frantic day and if I didn't do that
		
00:47:15 --> 00:47:17
			time where I had my own kind of
		
00:47:17 --> 00:47:19
			me time before having * with my husband,
		
00:47:19 --> 00:47:21
			I think all of my thoughts would be
		
00:47:21 --> 00:47:21
			racing
		
00:47:22 --> 00:47:24
			in my head, and I wouldn't be able
		
00:47:24 --> 00:47:26
			to focus on achieving an *.
		
00:47:26 --> 00:47:28
			So definitely is a lot more mental. It
		
00:47:28 --> 00:47:30
			is about what you're thinking about.
		
00:47:31 --> 00:47:33
			I this is gonna sound this might sound
		
00:47:33 --> 00:47:35
			really strange, but I'm going to be really,
		
00:47:35 --> 00:47:36
			really authentic and honest with you.
		
00:47:37 --> 00:47:39
			I, as I mentioned, I really like it
		
00:47:39 --> 00:47:42
			when my husband speaks to me during *.
		
00:47:42 --> 00:47:44
			I don't know what other men are like,
		
00:47:44 --> 00:47:47
			but personally, my husband doesn't really like to
		
00:47:47 --> 00:47:49
			talk during * even though I've told him
		
00:47:49 --> 00:47:50
			I would really like it if you would
		
00:47:50 --> 00:47:51
			talk to me during *.
		
00:47:52 --> 00:47:55
			And so sometimes I need to just if
		
00:47:55 --> 00:47:57
			I want to * because I I've chosen
		
00:47:57 --> 00:48:00
			now to prioritize * during each session that
		
00:48:00 --> 00:48:02
			I have * with my husband,
		
00:48:02 --> 00:48:04
			I start thinking in my head
		
00:48:04 --> 00:48:06
			about things that he's saying to me, and
		
00:48:06 --> 00:48:08
			that just turns me on. And it seems
		
00:48:08 --> 00:48:10
			to work for me. So I definitely think
		
00:48:10 --> 00:48:12
			it is a more mental, emotional thing,
		
00:48:13 --> 00:48:15
			and it's about you trying to identify what
		
00:48:15 --> 00:48:17
			is it that turns you on, what is
		
00:48:17 --> 00:48:19
			it that will get you to achieve an
		
00:48:19 --> 00:48:20
			*.
		
00:48:22 --> 00:48:24
			What have we got here?
		
00:48:24 --> 00:48:25
			Raffia is saying
		
00:48:26 --> 00:48:28
			using a coil, so no periods.
		
00:48:29 --> 00:48:29
			Okay.
		
00:48:30 --> 00:48:30
			So,
		
00:48:31 --> 00:48:33
			I'm assuming you're saying that maybe because you're
		
00:48:33 --> 00:48:34
			not sure about
		
00:48:35 --> 00:48:37
			is that because I mentioned about,
		
00:48:37 --> 00:48:40
			having your hymen not being taxed? If you
		
00:48:40 --> 00:48:41
			could let me know what that's referring to,
		
00:48:41 --> 00:48:43
			Raffia, or if you have a question around
		
00:48:43 --> 00:48:44
			that, let me know.
		
00:48:45 --> 00:48:48
			I'll be saying, remember, ladies, we we women
		
00:48:49 --> 00:48:50
			have,
		
00:48:51 --> 00:48:53
			the ability to multiorgasm.
		
00:48:53 --> 00:48:55
			There is a hadith that states that women
		
00:48:55 --> 00:48:56
			have the ability to enjoy
		
00:48:57 --> 00:48:58
			passion longer.
		
00:48:58 --> 00:48:59
			Yeah. Definitely.
		
00:49:02 --> 00:49:04
			And Armanet is saying, are there any particular
		
00:49:04 --> 00:49:07
			dilators that you recommend? No. Any dilators will
		
00:49:07 --> 00:49:10
			do. I use some plastic ones, but right
		
00:49:10 --> 00:49:11
			now on the market, there are so many
		
00:49:11 --> 00:49:12
			different types.
		
00:49:13 --> 00:49:15
			Some of my clients prefer to use silicone
		
00:49:15 --> 00:49:17
			ones because they say they're more comfortable.
		
00:49:17 --> 00:49:19
			Having said that, many
		
00:49:19 --> 00:49:22
			of my clients still use just regular plastic
		
00:49:22 --> 00:49:23
			ones like I did. So, no, I don't
		
00:49:23 --> 00:49:24
			recommend
		
00:49:24 --> 00:49:27
			any particular brands. What I do recommend is
		
00:49:27 --> 00:49:29
			that they come in a set of at
		
00:49:29 --> 00:49:31
			least 4. That tends to work. You can
		
00:49:31 --> 00:49:32
			get a set of 5 or 6 as
		
00:49:32 --> 00:49:33
			well.
		
00:49:36 --> 00:49:38
			Where was I? Rafia is saying referring
		
00:49:38 --> 00:49:41
			to the period cycles you mentioned. Oh, right.
		
00:49:41 --> 00:49:43
			Okay. So if you're on if you're on
		
00:49:43 --> 00:49:44
			the coil and therefore you don't have a
		
00:49:44 --> 00:49:45
			period,
		
00:49:46 --> 00:49:48
			you still have those
		
00:49:48 --> 00:49:51
			phases occurring in you. You still have a
		
00:49:51 --> 00:49:53
			menstrual cycle even though you don't have the
		
00:49:53 --> 00:49:56
			period blood, the menstrual phase, which is where
		
00:49:56 --> 00:49:59
			the blood comes out. In that instance, what
		
00:49:59 --> 00:50:00
			I do recommend is,
		
00:50:01 --> 00:50:03
			doing a little bit of research and,
		
00:50:03 --> 00:50:05
			finding out how you can figure
		
00:50:06 --> 00:50:08
			out when you are in the ovulatory phase,
		
00:50:08 --> 00:50:10
			when you are in the luteal phase, and
		
00:50:10 --> 00:50:12
			the follicular phase. Like I said, there are
		
00:50:12 --> 00:50:14
			some apps that will help you with that.
		
00:50:14 --> 00:50:16
			One that comes to mind is an app
		
00:50:16 --> 00:50:17
			called InTheflow.
		
00:50:18 --> 00:50:20
			So it's FLO. So In The Flow, that's
		
00:50:20 --> 00:50:22
			one app that comes to mind so that
		
00:50:22 --> 00:50:23
			might be able to help you with that.
		
00:50:25 --> 00:50:28
			Fahir is saying describe the * experience.
		
00:50:28 --> 00:50:30
			Never had an * during *. Perfect. That's
		
00:50:30 --> 00:50:31
			a great question.
		
00:50:32 --> 00:50:33
			And, actually, a lot of my clients have
		
00:50:33 --> 00:50:35
			asked me similar ones where they don't know
		
00:50:35 --> 00:50:37
			if they've achieved an * because they've never
		
00:50:37 --> 00:50:39
			felt it before. So this is how I
		
00:50:39 --> 00:50:41
			will describe it to you from my own
		
00:50:41 --> 00:50:43
			personal experience. And if any of you ladies
		
00:50:43 --> 00:50:45
			have experienced an *, I'd love it if
		
00:50:45 --> 00:50:47
			you could describe your experience too.
		
00:50:47 --> 00:50:49
			So for me personally,
		
00:50:50 --> 00:50:52
			as one of the other sisters was mentioning
		
00:50:52 --> 00:50:53
			about
		
00:50:53 --> 00:50:55
			how achieving an * is very much a
		
00:50:55 --> 00:50:56
			mental experience.
		
00:50:57 --> 00:50:59
			For me, personally, it starts off with how
		
00:50:59 --> 00:51:01
			I'm feeling and what I'm thinking about before
		
00:51:01 --> 00:51:03
			engaging in full play with my husband, before
		
00:51:03 --> 00:51:05
			I start kissing and touching with my husband.
		
00:51:05 --> 00:51:07
			Where are my thoughts at? Am I really
		
00:51:07 --> 00:51:09
			focused and present in the moment?
		
00:51:10 --> 00:51:12
			Once I'm there and I'm then enjoying the
		
00:51:12 --> 00:51:13
			full play,
		
00:51:14 --> 00:51:16
			I kind of just allow my mind to
		
00:51:16 --> 00:51:17
			just
		
00:51:18 --> 00:51:18
			imagine
		
00:51:19 --> 00:51:22
			that I am this extremely sexy woman. And
		
00:51:22 --> 00:51:24
			sometimes for us as women, it's hard to
		
00:51:24 --> 00:51:27
			imagine that. But if I don't do that,
		
00:51:27 --> 00:51:29
			I will tend to focus on all my
		
00:51:29 --> 00:51:31
			flaws, the flaws that I think I have,
		
00:51:31 --> 00:51:33
			the cellulite on my thighs,
		
00:51:33 --> 00:51:35
			the my belly fat. That's where my mind
		
00:51:35 --> 00:51:38
			will usually tend to go. And so if
		
00:51:38 --> 00:51:40
			I do that, I know that I won't
		
00:51:40 --> 00:51:42
			get I won't I I won't achieve an
		
00:51:42 --> 00:51:44
			* if I'm focusing on my cellulite or
		
00:51:44 --> 00:51:46
			my belly fat. And so what I know
		
00:51:46 --> 00:51:48
			that I have to consciously do is in
		
00:51:48 --> 00:51:50
			that moment I have to choose that I
		
00:51:50 --> 00:51:52
			am this sexy woman. And obviously in the
		
00:51:52 --> 00:51:54
			eyes of my husband I am, but I
		
00:51:54 --> 00:51:56
			have to believe it for myself. And I
		
00:51:56 --> 00:51:59
			also have to believe that in that moment,
		
00:51:59 --> 00:52:02
			me being naked there or in my lingerie,
		
00:52:02 --> 00:52:02
			whatever,
		
00:52:03 --> 00:52:03
			in that moment,
		
00:52:04 --> 00:52:05
			Allah also
		
00:52:05 --> 00:52:07
			has told me that in that moment I
		
00:52:07 --> 00:52:09
			am sexy. And the reason I say that
		
00:52:09 --> 00:52:11
			is because we all know that as women,
		
00:52:12 --> 00:52:15
			we are told to cover up certain parts
		
00:52:15 --> 00:52:17
			of our body because if we don't do
		
00:52:17 --> 00:52:19
			that these there are certain areas of our
		
00:52:19 --> 00:52:22
			body, if we are naked, that are naturally
		
00:52:22 --> 00:52:24
			sexually appealing to the opposite *.
		
00:52:25 --> 00:52:27
			So Allah has instructed us to cover up
		
00:52:27 --> 00:52:28
			certain areas of our body
		
00:52:29 --> 00:52:32
			with full knowledge that if the opposite *
		
00:52:32 --> 00:52:34
			were to see us with those parts revealed
		
00:52:34 --> 00:52:37
			they would be naturally sexually appealed and attracted
		
00:52:37 --> 00:52:38
			to us.
		
00:52:38 --> 00:52:40
			Allah doesn't say
		
00:52:40 --> 00:52:40
			that
		
00:52:41 --> 00:52:43
			only cover up if you have really thin
		
00:52:43 --> 00:52:46
			thighs or only cover up if you have
		
00:52:46 --> 00:52:47
			a flat belly
		
00:52:48 --> 00:52:50
			or only cover up if you have big
		
00:52:50 --> 00:52:52
			perky *. Allah has never instructed us to
		
00:52:52 --> 00:52:54
			do that. He instructs us as women to
		
00:52:54 --> 00:52:55
			cover up
		
00:52:56 --> 00:52:56
			regardless
		
00:52:56 --> 00:52:59
			of what our body size and shape
		
00:53:00 --> 00:53:03
			looks like. That means that Allah believes that
		
00:53:03 --> 00:53:05
			we are naturally sexually appealing
		
00:53:05 --> 00:53:09
			and Allah created us naturally sexually appealing.
		
00:53:09 --> 00:53:11
			So we have to choose what are we
		
00:53:11 --> 00:53:12
			gonna believe.
		
00:53:13 --> 00:53:14
			Are we gonna believe what Allah is telling
		
00:53:14 --> 00:53:15
			us,
		
00:53:15 --> 00:53:17
			or are we gonna believe what society is
		
00:53:17 --> 00:53:19
			telling us? Because society has said
		
00:53:20 --> 00:53:23
			that a certain body size and shape is
		
00:53:23 --> 00:53:25
			sexy and anything else is not. That's what
		
00:53:25 --> 00:53:27
			society is telling us, and society is made
		
00:53:27 --> 00:53:29
			up of people. Are we just gonna believe
		
00:53:29 --> 00:53:31
			what people are telling us or are we
		
00:53:31 --> 00:53:33
			gonna believe what Allah is telling us? So
		
00:53:33 --> 00:53:35
			in that moment, I have to choose to
		
00:53:35 --> 00:53:37
			believe that I am sexy and because if
		
00:53:37 --> 00:53:39
			I believe I'm sexy, I can get in
		
00:53:39 --> 00:53:40
			the mood.
		
00:53:40 --> 00:53:43
			And so that's where the * starts. It's
		
00:53:43 --> 00:53:45
			believing you're sexy, making sure you're in the
		
00:53:45 --> 00:53:48
			right mental state, making sure you spent time
		
00:53:48 --> 00:53:49
			doing your own self care,
		
00:53:50 --> 00:53:51
			and then
		
00:53:51 --> 00:53:53
			really enjoy the full play with your husband.
		
00:53:53 --> 00:53:54
			Really enjoy
		
00:53:55 --> 00:53:57
			that moment of intimacy with your husband. Enjoy
		
00:53:57 --> 00:53:58
			the kissing.
		
00:53:58 --> 00:54:01
			Enjoy the touching. Enjoy the giving and receiving,
		
00:54:02 --> 00:54:04
			and allow it to build up. So for
		
00:54:04 --> 00:54:05
			most women,
		
00:54:06 --> 00:54:08
			the first kiss, the first touch
		
00:54:08 --> 00:54:10
			isn't really what is gonna turn you on.
		
00:54:10 --> 00:54:11
			It needs to be continuous.
		
00:54:12 --> 00:54:14
			The kissing, the touching, the hugging, the caressing
		
00:54:15 --> 00:54:17
			needs to be continuous. And as as it
		
00:54:17 --> 00:54:18
			continues,
		
00:54:18 --> 00:54:20
			you end up getting more and more in
		
00:54:20 --> 00:54:23
			the mood for it. The your level of
		
00:54:23 --> 00:54:23
			horniness,
		
00:54:23 --> 00:54:25
			the only word that came to mind,
		
00:54:25 --> 00:54:26
			increases
		
00:54:26 --> 00:54:29
			as you engage in more and more foreplay
		
00:54:29 --> 00:54:30
			with your husband.
		
00:54:30 --> 00:54:32
			And so what it comes to is all
		
00:54:32 --> 00:54:34
			of that kind of comes to this culmination
		
00:54:35 --> 00:54:38
			of feeling really breathless, really excited,
		
00:54:38 --> 00:54:39
			really,
		
00:54:40 --> 00:54:43
			like, intrigued, and almost like you can't wait.
		
00:54:43 --> 00:54:45
			You can't wait to release it. All of
		
00:54:45 --> 00:54:48
			that kind of excitement builds up, and you
		
00:54:48 --> 00:54:50
			really can't wait to release it. And when
		
00:54:50 --> 00:54:51
			you get to that point,
		
00:54:52 --> 00:54:53
			it's the point where you're kind of about
		
00:54:53 --> 00:54:54
			to climax,
		
00:54:55 --> 00:54:58
			about to * if your husband continues to
		
00:54:58 --> 00:55:01
			satisfy you and continues to stimulate you in
		
00:55:01 --> 00:55:03
			that way. And so if he does continue
		
00:55:03 --> 00:55:06
			to stimulate you, one * feels like is
		
00:55:06 --> 00:55:09
			as though all of those feelings and that
		
00:55:09 --> 00:55:10
			kind of sexual tension
		
00:55:11 --> 00:55:13
			has been released. And what you will feel
		
00:55:14 --> 00:55:15
			is a really deep
		
00:55:16 --> 00:55:16
			satisfaction.
		
00:55:17 --> 00:55:19
			That's what it should feel like. A really
		
00:55:19 --> 00:55:21
			deep kind of bliss as well. Like, it
		
00:55:21 --> 00:55:23
			feels really amazing,
		
00:55:24 --> 00:55:26
			almost like you really wanna have this big
		
00:55:26 --> 00:55:28
			beam or smile on you. So it's like
		
00:55:28 --> 00:55:31
			the sexual tension has been released. It feels
		
00:55:31 --> 00:55:33
			really blissful and pleasurable.
		
00:55:34 --> 00:55:35
			That's when you know that you've had an
		
00:55:35 --> 00:55:36
			*, especially
		
00:55:37 --> 00:55:39
			if you're feeling really satisfied
		
00:55:39 --> 00:55:41
			and feeling like you don't need to continue
		
00:55:42 --> 00:55:44
			anymore, that you don't need to have *
		
00:55:44 --> 00:55:44
			anymore.
		
00:55:45 --> 00:55:46
			That's how you would know that you've had
		
00:55:46 --> 00:55:50
			an *. Okay? Some women do also release
		
00:55:50 --> 00:55:52
			fluid as well when they have an *,
		
00:55:52 --> 00:55:54
			so that can be another way to know.
		
00:55:55 --> 00:55:57
			I hope that answers your question.
		
00:55:57 --> 00:56:00
			Okay. So there, we've got another sister saying
		
00:56:01 --> 00:56:02
			there is a tool
		
00:56:02 --> 00:56:05
			that a company sells different than dilators, but
		
00:56:05 --> 00:56:07
			does the same thing. Maybe some sisters will
		
00:56:07 --> 00:56:09
			be curious or want to try it, ohnuts.co.
		
00:56:10 --> 00:56:12
			Rings are inserted in the penis that act
		
00:56:12 --> 00:56:14
			almost like a barrier. Not really a barrier,
		
00:56:14 --> 00:56:16
			but they sort of make you more comfortable.
		
00:56:16 --> 00:56:18
			Yeah. I heard of. So, yeah,
		
00:56:19 --> 00:56:21
			this is just right. The rings that you
		
00:56:21 --> 00:56:22
			insert on the penis,
		
00:56:23 --> 00:56:24
			there are, I think, different like, there are
		
00:56:24 --> 00:56:27
			different numbers of rings. You can insert 1
		
00:56:27 --> 00:56:28
			or 2, I think, and it just kind
		
00:56:28 --> 00:56:29
			of
		
00:56:29 --> 00:56:33
			prevents your husband's penis from going too deeply
		
00:56:33 --> 00:56:35
			inside you to make the * a bit
		
00:56:35 --> 00:56:36
			more comfortable.
		
00:56:36 --> 00:56:40
			Because for some women, their their experience of
		
00:56:40 --> 00:56:43
			painful * is due to the thrusting and
		
00:56:43 --> 00:56:46
			his penis going too deep inside your *.
		
00:56:46 --> 00:56:47
			So
		
00:56:47 --> 00:56:49
			what the sister's mentioning about the company, o
		
00:56:49 --> 00:56:52
			knot dotco, that might be helpful for certain
		
00:56:52 --> 00:56:52
			women.
		
00:56:56 --> 00:56:58
			This is so helpful, Marshall. In my hand
		
00:56:58 --> 00:57:00
			husband's eyes, I'm I'm miss wonderful. Absolutely.
		
00:57:01 --> 00:57:02
			But I feel permanently
		
00:57:02 --> 00:57:04
			modest. Even now I have 3 children.
		
00:57:05 --> 00:57:05
			Yeah.
		
00:57:06 --> 00:57:08
			So I think modesty definitely is important,
		
00:57:10 --> 00:57:12
			you know, when you're not around your husband.
		
00:57:12 --> 00:57:14
			But when you're with your husband,
		
00:57:14 --> 00:57:17
			you wanna kind of let go. And
		
00:57:18 --> 00:57:20
			it's kind of, how do I describe this?
		
00:57:20 --> 00:57:21
			It's kind of like
		
00:57:22 --> 00:57:24
			you are this gift, you are this blessing
		
00:57:24 --> 00:57:26
			to your husband, which is what you are.
		
00:57:26 --> 00:57:28
			And it's about you deciding that
		
00:57:29 --> 00:57:32
			your husband deserves to see this gift, to
		
00:57:32 --> 00:57:33
			see this blessing
		
00:57:33 --> 00:57:35
			as much as you deserve to see him.
		
00:57:36 --> 00:57:36
			And so
		
00:57:37 --> 00:57:40
			really also it's it comes down to you
		
00:57:40 --> 00:57:40
			deciding
		
00:57:41 --> 00:57:43
			that you are worthy
		
00:57:43 --> 00:57:46
			of having an amazing * life.
		
00:57:46 --> 00:57:48
			You are it's, like, commonly
		
00:57:48 --> 00:57:50
			depicted as, you know, usually it's the man
		
00:57:50 --> 00:57:53
			that always initiates having *, which can happen,
		
00:57:53 --> 00:57:56
			or usually the man has a higher libido
		
00:57:56 --> 00:57:58
			than the woman. But what really should be
		
00:57:58 --> 00:58:00
			happening happening is more of a balance
		
00:58:00 --> 00:58:01
			in terms of where
		
00:58:02 --> 00:58:03
			you
		
00:58:03 --> 00:58:05
			loved the last time that you had *
		
00:58:05 --> 00:58:07
			with your husband so much that you really
		
00:58:07 --> 00:58:10
			can't wait for the next one. And that
		
00:58:10 --> 00:58:13
			will in fact increase your libido. Your desire
		
00:58:13 --> 00:58:15
			for for for * will increase
		
00:58:15 --> 00:58:17
			if the last time you had * was
		
00:58:17 --> 00:58:19
			amazing. If the last time you had *
		
00:58:19 --> 00:58:22
			was one where you had this amazing *,
		
00:58:22 --> 00:58:24
			you're going to want to have it again.
		
00:58:24 --> 00:58:26
			Whereas if your * life right now is
		
00:58:26 --> 00:58:28
			mediocre or not really satisfying,
		
00:58:29 --> 00:58:31
			your libido is probably gonna go down because
		
00:58:31 --> 00:58:33
			there's nothing special about it.
		
00:58:34 --> 00:58:36
			So really that's why I say it's so
		
00:58:36 --> 00:58:37
			important for us women
		
00:58:37 --> 00:58:40
			to prioritize having an * during every time
		
00:58:40 --> 00:58:41
			that you have * with your husband.
		
00:58:44 --> 00:58:46
			We've got another sister saying, I get a
		
00:58:46 --> 00:58:48
			rush of blood to my head during *.
		
00:58:48 --> 00:58:50
			Yeah. Perfect. So it kind of is that
		
00:58:50 --> 00:58:52
			thing I was describing of, like, feeling really
		
00:58:52 --> 00:58:53
			blissful
		
00:58:53 --> 00:58:54
			and, like,
		
00:58:55 --> 00:58:57
			your mind isn't anywhere else in that moment.
		
00:58:57 --> 00:58:58
			When you're having an *,
		
00:58:58 --> 00:59:01
			you're not thinking about your to do list.
		
00:59:01 --> 00:59:03
			You're not thinking about your children. You're not
		
00:59:03 --> 00:59:06
			thinking about work the next day. You're literally
		
00:59:06 --> 00:59:08
			just in that moment
		
00:59:08 --> 00:59:10
			allowing yourself to experience
		
00:59:10 --> 00:59:12
			experience the pleasure and and bliss.
		
00:59:13 --> 00:59:14
			So yeah. Definitely.
		
00:59:14 --> 00:59:17
			Another sister saying, me too. Like electricity in
		
00:59:17 --> 00:59:20
			my head and my ears gets, like, dull
		
00:59:21 --> 00:59:23
			Inside of my *, my muscle is pumping.
		
00:59:23 --> 00:59:26
			Yeah. Definitely. It's that rhythmic contraction
		
00:59:26 --> 00:59:29
			of the pelvic floor muscles surrounding the *.
		
00:59:30 --> 00:59:32
			You're very welcome. So we've got thank you
		
00:59:32 --> 00:59:33
			so much. It was very helpful.
		
00:59:34 --> 00:59:36
			And the sister's giving you you the website
		
00:59:36 --> 00:59:37
			for onot.co.
		
00:59:38 --> 00:59:39
			Oh, because she sent it to panelists only,
		
00:59:39 --> 00:59:41
			so she's providing it for everyone now.
		
00:59:43 --> 00:59:46
			Another sister describing how she has an *.
		
00:59:46 --> 00:59:49
			So for me, it's an immense surge of
		
00:59:49 --> 00:59:52
			energy that travels up and around my body.
		
00:59:52 --> 00:59:55
			I can feel pleasurable contractions which subside slowly.
		
00:59:55 --> 00:59:58
			I then feel completely calm, absolutely good. So
		
00:59:58 --> 01:00:01
			that feeling of having the * and it's
		
01:00:01 --> 01:00:02
			kind of all that culmination
		
01:00:03 --> 01:00:04
			of excitement and bliss,
		
01:00:05 --> 01:00:07
			And then you feel really calm and satisfied.
		
01:00:07 --> 01:00:09
			Like, you don't need you don't need any
		
01:00:09 --> 01:00:11
			further caressing or stimulation. You just feel like
		
01:00:11 --> 01:00:14
			you can just relax and melt into the
		
01:00:14 --> 01:00:15
			bed type of thing.
		
01:00:16 --> 01:00:18
			Is there food that helps boost *? Yeah.
		
01:00:18 --> 01:00:20
			There are certain foods.
		
01:00:20 --> 01:00:21
			They're known as aphrodisiacs.
		
01:00:23 --> 01:00:24
			I I believe that chocolate is one of
		
01:00:24 --> 01:00:26
			them. I think oysters is another.
		
01:00:27 --> 01:00:29
			On the note of foods that help boost
		
01:00:29 --> 01:00:31
			*, one thing I do wanna mention, which
		
01:00:31 --> 01:00:32
			I believe,
		
01:00:33 --> 01:00:35
			sister Idil talked about during her talk, is
		
01:00:35 --> 01:00:36
			about nutrition.
		
01:00:37 --> 01:00:40
			And the reason why it's I mean, it's
		
01:00:40 --> 01:00:42
			so great that there were so many different
		
01:00:42 --> 01:00:44
			talks during the conference, but the reason why
		
01:00:44 --> 01:00:46
			I'm bringing up nutrition is because you mentioned
		
01:00:46 --> 01:00:46
			food,
		
01:00:47 --> 01:00:49
			and how food is related to *. I
		
01:00:49 --> 01:00:50
			believe they are so
		
01:00:51 --> 01:00:52
			related and interconnected.
		
01:00:53 --> 01:00:55
			When we improve our nutrition,
		
01:00:56 --> 01:00:57
			our libido will
		
01:00:59 --> 01:00:59
			Okay.
		
01:01:00 --> 01:01:02
			When you are in when you improve your
		
01:01:02 --> 01:01:02
			nutrition,
		
01:01:03 --> 01:01:05
			you are feeding yourself all this amazing good
		
01:01:05 --> 01:01:07
			stuff. So you feel good on the inside.
		
01:01:07 --> 01:01:09
			And when we feel good on the inside,
		
01:01:09 --> 01:01:11
			we're gonna feel good on the outside too.
		
01:01:12 --> 01:01:15
			Also, things like if you have poor body
		
01:01:15 --> 01:01:17
			image or poor self esteem,
		
01:01:17 --> 01:01:19
			when you improve your nutrition,
		
01:01:20 --> 01:01:22
			that nutrition is is chemistry in your body,
		
01:01:22 --> 01:01:24
			and that chemistry is sending signals to your
		
01:01:24 --> 01:01:27
			brain. And then you are going to by
		
01:01:27 --> 01:01:28
			changing your nutrition,
		
01:01:28 --> 01:01:30
			you are essentially reframing the thoughts in your
		
01:01:30 --> 01:01:33
			brain. And you're gonna start to think differently
		
01:01:33 --> 01:01:35
			about yourself and your self worth
		
01:01:35 --> 01:01:38
			and deciding that I'm worthy of eating amazing
		
01:01:38 --> 01:01:40
			healthy food, and I'm worthy of having this
		
01:01:40 --> 01:01:42
			amazing * life, and they are very much
		
01:01:42 --> 01:01:44
			interrelated and interconnected.
		
01:01:44 --> 01:01:46
			Because I know for myself,
		
01:01:47 --> 01:01:49
			if I don't eat very healthily and I'm
		
01:01:49 --> 01:01:52
			feeling really, really bloated because I've eaten I've
		
01:01:52 --> 01:01:53
			eaten quite a lot of junk food that
		
01:01:53 --> 01:01:55
			day, for example, or I've eaten a lot
		
01:01:55 --> 01:01:58
			of food that has foods that I am
		
01:01:58 --> 01:02:00
			pretty sensitive to. If If I eat those
		
01:02:00 --> 01:02:03
			foods and I am feeling bloated, then I'm
		
01:02:03 --> 01:02:04
			not gonna wanna have *. Or if I
		
01:02:04 --> 01:02:06
			do have * when I'm feeling bloated like
		
01:02:06 --> 01:02:09
			that, it's not gonna be that satisfying. And
		
01:02:09 --> 01:02:11
			I'm probably gonna be concentrating
		
01:02:12 --> 01:02:13
			on the feelings of bloatedness
		
01:02:14 --> 01:02:17
			rather than concentrating on how good I feel.
		
01:02:17 --> 01:02:20
			And so by eating really good nutrition in
		
01:02:20 --> 01:02:20
			general,
		
01:02:21 --> 01:02:22
			it's gonna help you to have a better
		
01:02:22 --> 01:02:24
			* life, and it's gonna help you in
		
01:02:24 --> 01:02:26
			terms of your libido.
		
01:02:27 --> 01:02:29
			One sister's meant mentioning ginseng tea.
		
01:02:30 --> 01:02:32
			Intimacy is supposed to be a taste of
		
01:02:32 --> 01:02:34
			Jenna. I love that. I really feel that
		
01:02:34 --> 01:02:37
			it is. If you've experienced an amazing *,
		
01:02:37 --> 01:02:40
			you'd you'd know how amazing it is. And
		
01:02:40 --> 01:02:42
			so if it is a taste of Jenna,
		
01:02:42 --> 01:02:44
			wow. Just imagine what Jenna is like. Like,
		
01:02:44 --> 01:02:45
			if if
		
01:02:45 --> 01:02:48
			if having an * is bliss on earth
		
01:02:49 --> 01:02:51
			and that's just a portion of what it
		
01:02:51 --> 01:02:53
			will be like in gender, We can only
		
01:02:53 --> 01:02:54
			just imagine
		
01:02:54 --> 01:02:57
			how much bliss there will be in Jannah
		
01:02:57 --> 01:02:57
			for all of us.
		
01:03:00 --> 01:03:02
			Thank you. Very educative. Thank you, sister.
		
01:03:03 --> 01:03:06
			Another sister saying hibiscus tea. I found out
		
01:03:06 --> 01:03:08
			recently that it's given to brides as a
		
01:03:08 --> 01:03:09
			gift. Okay. Great.
		
01:03:10 --> 01:03:12
			Really helpful. I took a lot of notes
		
01:03:12 --> 01:03:12
			with Yerke.
		
01:03:13 --> 01:03:15
			Anything else? I think I mean, I finished,
		
01:03:15 --> 01:03:16
			you know, what I wanted to talk about
		
01:03:16 --> 01:03:18
			in terms of, you know, my experience and
		
01:03:18 --> 01:03:21
			what vaginismus is and how we can kind
		
01:03:21 --> 01:03:21
			of,
		
01:03:22 --> 01:03:25
			improve our * lives. Is there anything else,
		
01:03:25 --> 01:03:25
			sisters,
		
01:03:26 --> 01:03:28
			that you want me to talk about?
		
01:03:30 --> 01:03:32
			It's been so fun, so so amazing to
		
01:03:32 --> 01:03:33
			be able to talk to all of you
		
01:03:33 --> 01:03:34
			ladies about this.
		
01:03:35 --> 01:03:36
			Thank you so much, Abira.
		
01:03:37 --> 01:03:39
			I just really like your
		
01:03:39 --> 01:03:41
			really frank,
		
01:03:41 --> 01:03:42
			straightforward
		
01:03:42 --> 01:03:45
			way of just talking about it. You know,
		
01:03:45 --> 01:03:47
			it really just reminds me that this is
		
01:03:47 --> 01:03:48
			just knowledge.
		
01:03:48 --> 01:03:50
			And you know how so many times when
		
01:03:50 --> 01:03:52
			we talk about * and, you know, even
		
01:03:52 --> 01:03:54
			just bodily functions,
		
01:03:54 --> 01:03:56
			there is so much kind of
		
01:03:57 --> 01:04:00
			shame and tittering kind of energy behind it.
		
01:04:00 --> 01:04:01
			But you just broke it down for us
		
01:04:01 --> 01:04:04
			literally literally like a science lesson.
		
01:04:04 --> 01:04:06
			This is what it is. It's like that.
		
01:04:06 --> 01:04:07
			This is what you need to do, and
		
01:04:07 --> 01:04:09
			this is what happens if this happens. And
		
01:04:09 --> 01:04:11
			I'm sure the sisters really appreciated your just
		
01:04:11 --> 01:04:13
			super down to earth approach.
		
01:04:14 --> 01:04:16
			And, yeah, guys, you know, make sure that
		
01:04:16 --> 01:04:19
			you do connect with, sister Amira on Instagram.
		
01:04:19 --> 01:04:21
			You know, if you if you need her
		
01:04:21 --> 01:04:23
			help, no shame in your game. Get in
		
01:04:23 --> 01:04:24
			touch. Send Send her a DM.
		
01:04:25 --> 01:04:27
			Did you have something to offer the sisters?
		
01:04:27 --> 01:04:29
			Was there, like, a webinar or an ebook
		
01:04:29 --> 01:04:31
			that you've offered them already? Yeah. So any
		
01:04:31 --> 01:04:33
			sisters, if you are struggling with vaginismus or
		
01:04:33 --> 01:04:35
			painful *, I do have a free 90
		
01:04:35 --> 01:04:36
			minute training.
		
01:04:36 --> 01:04:38
			The link for that is in my bio,
		
01:04:38 --> 01:04:40
			so you can definitely check that out. I'm
		
01:04:40 --> 01:04:40
			on Instagram.
		
01:04:41 --> 01:04:42
			So, yeah, definitely check it out.
		
01:04:43 --> 01:04:45
			Alternatively, if you don't wanna watch the free
		
01:04:45 --> 01:04:46
			training and you just wanna ask me some
		
01:04:46 --> 01:04:47
			questions
		
01:04:47 --> 01:04:49
			and see potentially if we can work together
		
01:04:49 --> 01:04:51
			to help you overcome your vaginismus
		
01:04:51 --> 01:04:54
			or overcome painful * or if you're not
		
01:04:54 --> 01:04:56
			married, how I can help you to,
		
01:04:56 --> 01:04:58
			you know, look forward to your wedding night
		
01:04:58 --> 01:05:00
			and how you can lose your virginity in
		
01:05:00 --> 01:05:02
			a painless way. Just send me a message
		
01:05:02 --> 01:05:03
			on Instagram too. I'm happy to have a
		
01:05:03 --> 01:05:06
			little chat. And when you message her, just
		
01:05:06 --> 01:05:08
			ask her, oh, sis, have you written a
		
01:05:08 --> 01:05:10
			book by any chance? Is there anything that
		
01:05:10 --> 01:05:11
			I can read?
		
01:05:12 --> 01:05:15
			I hope so. I hope so soon. It's
		
01:05:15 --> 01:05:17
			on pause at the moment, but it's definitely
		
01:05:17 --> 01:05:19
			not it's not, like, lost my like, it's
		
01:05:19 --> 01:05:21
			not lost from my mind. It's still there.
		
01:05:21 --> 01:05:22
			Well, it's sooner
		
01:05:23 --> 01:05:25
			than later. Definitely. Yes. And it's been a
		
01:05:25 --> 01:05:27
			pleasure working with you, Naima, and your team
		
01:05:27 --> 01:05:29
			on on getting it started.
		
01:05:29 --> 01:05:31
			I still have the draft. I need to
		
01:05:31 --> 01:05:32
			work on it. And, inshallah, it'll be ready
		
01:05:32 --> 01:05:33
			for everyone's time.
		
01:05:34 --> 01:05:36
			Time. Oh, everything in the best time.
		
01:05:37 --> 01:05:39
			So listen, ladies, if you have any more
		
01:05:39 --> 01:05:41
			questions, you can always send us, Tamira, a
		
01:05:41 --> 01:05:42
			DM.
		
01:05:42 --> 01:05:43
			And,
		
01:05:43 --> 01:05:44
			you know, inshallah,
		
01:05:45 --> 01:05:47
			she will answer any of your questions there.
		
01:05:47 --> 01:05:48
			But for now,
		
01:05:48 --> 01:05:50
			I just would like to invite you all
		
01:05:50 --> 01:05:52
			just to take a deep breath together, a
		
01:05:52 --> 01:05:53
			big nice one.
		
01:05:56 --> 01:05:57
			We're gonna exhale
		
01:05:58 --> 01:06:00
			and just give yourselves a hug and a
		
01:06:00 --> 01:06:02
			pat on the back because you have been
		
01:06:02 --> 01:06:03
			absolutely
		
01:06:03 --> 01:06:05
			amazing. I know some of you have literally
		
01:06:05 --> 01:06:08
			been for every session since Friday.
		
01:06:08 --> 01:06:10
			I wanna acknowledge you. I want to honor
		
01:06:10 --> 01:06:13
			you, and may Allah love you, and may
		
01:06:13 --> 01:06:15
			Allah bless you and your families. It's been
		
01:06:15 --> 01:06:16
			absolutely amazing.
		
01:06:17 --> 01:06:19
			And, hey, what can I say? Let's do
		
01:06:19 --> 01:06:19
			it again.
		
01:06:21 --> 01:06:22
			Those of you, if you haven't got a
		
01:06:22 --> 01:06:25
			ticket for the Black Muslim Festival, grab that
		
01:06:25 --> 01:06:26
			ticket. Come and join us, and I'll see
		
01:06:26 --> 01:06:28
			you at some of our sessions next month.
		
01:06:29 --> 01:06:31
			If not, keep a lookout for the next
		
01:06:31 --> 01:06:33
			virtual salon sister session.
		
01:06:34 --> 01:06:36
			I'm not sure yet what we're going to
		
01:06:36 --> 01:06:37
			be looking at next.
		
01:06:37 --> 01:06:39
			We might actually ask you guys to give
		
01:06:39 --> 01:06:40
			us some suggestions for you want us to
		
01:06:40 --> 01:06:43
			cover in our next sister's session. But for
		
01:06:43 --> 01:06:46
			now, I bid you good night, farewell, and
		
01:06:46 --> 01:06:48
			may Allah bless you all. I'm so pleased
		
01:06:48 --> 01:06:50
			that it was beneficial for you.