Naima B. Robert – Muslimah Self Care Conference Kick Off
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Welcome. Welcome.
Welcome to the kickoff session
of the Musama Self Care Conference
2020.
It's not the 1st self care conference ever.
It will definitely not be the last,
but I think it's probably
one of the most needed self care conferences
in one of the most stressful
years that we have had
potentially in our lifetime so far,
what with COVID
and lockdown and quarantine and just general fears
about the way our world is changing,
what with,
unrest and tension and police violence,
and protests sweeping the world,
what with our values being
tried and tested, what with us questioning the
way that we live, the way that we
are as families, the way that we educate
our children, what with all the questions
that have arisen as a result of 2020,
it seems to me that this year, more
than any other year,
we need to do some serious
loving on ourselves.
And why do I say this? Because
as women,
and in particular as Muslim women,
we know how much our families
depend on
us. And a lot of the time, we
see that family dependence as being on how
we can help them
practically, how we can be there for them
practically, how we can help them emotionally, how
we can guide them, how we can be
strong for them.
And very rarely do we focus on what
that will require of us
and what we need to do be doing
for ourselves
in order to be of service to those
around us who need us so much.
So what I've done, what we've done for
this conference is we've we've brought together
an amazing group of speakers who each one
of them
is currently
working with sisters, helping them
to achieve in their particular area of life,
whether that achievement is,
work related, is personal,
is emotional, is mental,
is physical,
every one of these sisters,
is out there doing the work. And it
really is an honor for me to have
them all on this platform,
ready to to to be at your service.
One of the things that I said to
every all the speakers
last week was
I had a moment where I I asked
myself,
if I had 6 months to live,
what would I be doing now?
What would I start doing? What would I
stop doing? What would I do more of?
What would I do less of? And the
reality is, as we all know, none of
us has our time guaranteed.
None of us is guaranteed another week, another
month, another year, another 10 years.
And so if that is the case What
is the significance of us being together in
this space and I always start,
really every every talk that I do. I
always start by saying alhamdulillah
Because there are people who intended to come
and be in this space where they could
be nourished where they could be be head
held
and fed and nurtured, and they intended to
be here for the sake of Allah, and
it was not written for them. And then
there's some of you who maybe didn't intend
to be here at all, didn't even know
anything about the conference, and there you are,
qadr of Allah.
And so I always say
because if Allah brings you to a space
where you can be reminded of him
and your duty towards him and how you
can better yourself
as a as an individual, as a Muslim,
as a woman, then this is definitely a
niyamah from Allah. And so, really,
what I'd like to do today to kick
us off is for us to, 1st and
foremost,
renew our intention.
Why are you here?
And I say this to my panelists, so
you guys know we already had this conversation.
I ask my panelists also to remember why
we are here.
How come is it that we have been
blessed with the ability to serve these women?
And I think we all know why.
Because every one of us has been through
something
that has equipped us to be able to
be a light for others.
Allah
has given us
people,
tools,
experiences,
certificates,
learning that allows us now to be in
a position where we can be of service.
And this is a huge blessing, I feel,
for myself, and I'm sure you all agree
with me.
And then for you, my sisters, who are
here, whether you're here live, whether you're watching
the replay,
I invite you to invite to ask yourself.
Why am I here?
What do you hope to gain from this
weekend?
This is not a conference where you come
and you listen to some speakers and then
you kind of go on with your life.
Make intention
for this time that you spend with us
to be truly meaningful.
And for it to be truly meaningful, your
intention should be straight, and you should be
here to learn, to grow, to get the
benefit from the situation from these people.
Don't be a passive listener.
Be an active listener. Take an active role
in your learning. Ask those questions, even those
questions that you think are silly, Even those
questions that you think oh, that's you know,
I don't want anyone to know that that's
my question ask the questions
Be thirsty for the knowledge be thirsty for
the growth
Go after it. You're here. You bought your
ticket and you turned up. So make the
most of it inshallah
and with that being said I would like
to just do like a really quick fire
round of Introductions
for the speakers. I will let you introduce
yourselves ladies
Just tell us who you are and who
you serve inshallah and then we're gonna get
on with this discussion inshallah. That was a
heavy start, but that's okay
so ladies you can unmute and, you can
go whoever would like to go first inshallah
Just tell us who you are and who
you serve and then we're gonna get talking
about this self care thing
Who's gonna go first?
Everyone's looking so modest and shy, and they're
all like, oh, not me. No. It's fine.
Amira, you're you're on my no. You're not
on my right, actually. Raisa, you're on my
right, so go ahead. Go.
You can just unmute to share. Okay. There
we go.
Everyone. I'm so excited to be here. And,
I am Raissa Ngiwala.
I am the divorced Muslim coach,
and I help Muslimers whose marriages have broken
down to come back to their true whole
healed self, their fitra.
Be unbreakable so they can take charge of
the beautiful life they deserve to have with
clarity, fearless confidence, and innate resilience. And I'm
I'm so honored to be here to serve
you. I love that. I love that. I
love that. Love that. Love that. Okay. So
she set the bar high. Afrah, you're next
in my line from what I can see.
Go ahead.
Assalamu alaikum. My name is Afra. I go
by Afra Saeed on Instagram.
I am a postpartum doula.
I
serve mothers
from pregnancy I mean, moms who are new
moms, like pregnant women to postpartum
and even mothers just basically filling in the
gaps
where they might need support or help through
their journey becoming a mother because, you know,
we've as you said, we've all been there
and,
we know where those gaps need to be
filled in. So
yeah.
Thank
you so much, and it's wonderful to have
you here.
Layinka,
you're up next.
Sorry, Nikkum, everyone.
I'm Layinka,
and I work with
women who have been through tumultuous
times to become grounded in their self worth,
and I work in the realm of healing.
I've moved into that space recently
and it's phenomenal, alhamdulillah,
and it's wonderful to see women become grounded
in their self worth through their healing.
And I'm grateful that we get to
be here together and share the space and
I get to share the space with some
of,
some some incredible women. So Alhamdulillah, thank you
so much for inviting me, Naira.
Lovely to have you here. My sister, Idil.
Everyone. Hope all is doing well.
Hi. My name is Elle. I'm a nutritionist,
a health educator. I work with women to
help them thrive,
heal and thrive in their body. I believe
food is your medicine, and I really use
my kitchen as my pharmacy. I believe in
holistic ways of healing,
using,
plant based
medicine and herbs and spices, really going back
to the way
food was used
to nourish intentionally.
I look forward to
sharing the space with all the women here.
I really believe in self care as health
care,
and
food is, like, in that essence, the most
important
self care act you perform every day.
Thank you so much. It was wonderful to
have you here. It's our first time having
you on our platform. So I'm really happy.
And Afrah as well. It's the the first
platform, so I'm really happy. And Afrah as
well,
So the first timers are here. And then
we've got, of course, we've got our old
timers.
Lainke is a is a is a vet.
Zahra is also a veteran,
and Raees has been here before too.
Zahra, go ahead.
Assalamu Alaikum, Waqam Assalamu Alaikum to everybody, it's
such an honour
and a privilege to be here speaking with
you all.
My name is Zara, I am the founder
and the community lead of the Ompareeha network
and we are a women's network aimed at
cultivating empowered and resilient women.
One of the key things that we strive
to do is to help the women of
our network
reconnect with our love
and find that intersection between spiritual development and
personal development
so that we can not only rewire our
personal potential,
but do so with
a strong connection and grounding in the deen.
So so excited to be here and, really
looking forward to this weekend.
Fantastic.
Alright. Next, I've got sister Amira
in front of me. Go ahead, sis.
Everyone. So I'm Amira Zaki, and I'm a
coach specializing in helping women improve their *
lives,
specifically in helping women who experience painful *
or a condition known as vaginismus, which I'll
talk about more during this talk and in
Charlotte during my talk on Sunday.
So I help women who experience painful *,
the condition vaginismus,
or a general fear of penetrative * or
*.
And I also help, you know, newly married
women or women who are soon to be
married, who have a fear of * or
a fear of their wedding night. It helps
them to kind of overcome those fears so
that they can have a pleasurable, enjoyable experience
on their wedding nights and beyond.
So I'm really excited to be here and
kind of tie together,
you know, a woman's in, a woman's,
intimate life and her * life with self
care.
Lovely. And I'm so happy to have you
here as well. I think it's your first
time on the virtual salon platform too. So
super happy to welcome you here.
And we've got our midnight owl, our Tahajid
tiger.
Masha'Allah, sister Khadija in Australia. Go ahead, sis.
Assalamu alaikum, ladies. It's very to be here,
hamdullah, especially when I didn't realize it was
hamdullah at this time. So hamdullah.
My name is Khadija. I'm a, degree qualified
parenting coach and I
really empower and I'm very passionate about empowering,
mothers to parent from a place of worthiness,
from a place of really showing up authentically
in their life, and I have a real
passion about coming from a place of surviving
to a place of thriving.
And,
particularly focused on mothers of boys because I
have 5 boys.
I just think area of raising boys got
between 15 months 21. So
But really,
yeah. Wanna really raise our boys in a
place where they feel,
emotionally healthy, inshallah. So they grow up emotionally
mentally healthy, inshallah.
Amazing.
Amazing.
So as you guys can see,
you know, it's,
it's, a very, very
vast
array of skills that we have
and,
you know, that we have on this on
this platform,
on this panel. So today is a kickoff.
What does kickoff mean? Kickoff means that we're
just gonna have some banter. I mean, we're
just gonna have some some banter. We're just
gonna have a little bit chat, a little
bit of, like, throwing ideas back and forth
because the real, like, hardcore learning will happen
over the weekend, inshallah, when each of our
wonderful speakers will get a chance to have
her own
time with you
to really go into into detail and in-depth
on what it is that she teaches.
So
I guess the first question I have that
I'd like us to have a conversation about,
and those of you who are attending, please
feel free to take part in the comments,
What are the biggest challenges,
yeah,
that Muslim women in particular
face when it comes to self care?
But firstly, before we go there, do we
all have the same understanding of self care
or what self care is? Does anybody wanna
just, like, throw out, you know, their personal
definition of self care? But before we have
before we get there, those of you who
are attending,
what do you think self care is? So
if I ask you to complete that sentence,
self care is,
put in the chat what you would say.
And then panelists, whoever wants to go first
with your your definition, your personal definition of
self care, go ahead.
It's a free for all, by the way.
You can be unmuted. You can interrupt each
other. You can talk over each other. It's
fine. You don't have to go 1 by
1. If you don't wanna answer that question,
you don't have to. If you've got lots
to say, jump in. So I'm waiting for
my ladies in the chat to see what
is self care, ladies. What are we saying?
Okay. Message is coming in. So we've got
looking after myself physically, mentally, and emotionally.
We've got self care is loving yourself unconditionally,
Sarmine says.
Zafreen says, looking after myself
to be able to serve others.
Umwaleed says, it is respecting and honoring yourself.
Rafiya says it's taking time out to reset
yourself.
Amara says I love this. It's thank you
being for the for being so honest. She
gets says, I get really confused about this
one. This is good. Okay?
How far is looking after myself, and how
much is selfishness?
Ladies,
take notes. We're gonna talk about that.
Sis says,
Habiba says a holistic love of myself mentally,
emotionally, and physically.
Zeynep says being kind to myself. Rahima says
it's looking after myself physically and spiritually.
Right. So ladies,
panelists,
do you have a different definition of self
care? That's the first question. And the second
question is, I think we should speak to
what the sister said about the balance between
caring for yourself
and being selfish. Who would like to go
first?
Yes. Go ahead.
I'm going, Risa.
Okay. Okay.
I love this. I love all of your,
contributions here and, you know, Sharifa saying, I'm
still trying to figure.
Yeah. It's always a work in progress.
It's a journey of,
self care. For me, what self care really
means is that
you are able to give yourself
what you need without permission,
without validation
from external sources that you're able to step
into your truth and live your life according
to that,
according to your truth and what is right
for you
while pleasing Allah because
you know
that this is
inherently, you know within yourself that
taking care of yourself is an act of
worship. It is an Amana
that Allah has trusted you with your body,
your mind, your soul, your heart, on loan,
to to return back to him. So it's
up it's on you to take care of
it. So no need to feel guilty about
it. No need to feel anything about it.
Do what you need to do to fill
your own cup
so that there you can serve from your
overflow.
I love that. So fill your own cup
so you can serve from your overflow. Hold
on a second. Is that a quote? Did
you make that Yes. Someone? Yes.
Lisa
Nichols.
Lisa
Nichols. I love her saying that she never
serves from her cup. She always serves from
her overflow.
And I've always been like, yes, girl. Yes.
And that's why for me self care isn't
an act of selfishness because selfishness is when
you put yourself and you are only concerned
with yourself and as women, let's be real,
we never are only concerned with ourselves. People
need us so much, right?
That the reality is we usually put ourselves
last. So is can self care ever be
an act of selfishness?
Not for women. I don't believe so.
What do you guys say? Do you think
that basically be being selfish as women, it's
it's not it's not a thing. Like, we
can't do that because we are we're just
too much, you know, at the service of
others.
What do you guys think? What are your
definitions of self care? And what is the
what is the balance between selfishness and self
care? Go ahead, Adil. I think self care
is self
it's helpful. It's health care to me. Really,
I can't give anything if I'm not well.
For me,
I can't take on the world. I can't
thrive. I can't be the mother I wanna
be,
the the Muslim I wanna be, if I'm
not my Ibada depends on it. I have
to show up and be able to be
a full human in my body. And if
I'm
not taking care of myself, what it like,
something has to give. Right? So for me,
self care is, would it like, something has
to give. Right? So for me, self care
is health care. It's essential.
It cannot be put to the side. It's
not an indulgence. It's a city
for just
being who I need to be.
I think
like you said,
sister Reese has said, it's our body is
in a manna. Allah entrusted our body to
us and in order for us to be
to answer to that,
we need to be able to give to
ourselves. I don't know when it became selfish.
Taking care of your kids, your parents, your,
doing your job, even your house
sometimes gets more enter attention and energy than
you do. You know what I mean? So
for me, that is, like, self care is
health care.
Oh, I completely agree with what Idel said.
And, I mean, I'm glad that you mentioned
that taking care of our kids was taking
care of our parents because
would anyone say that taking care of our
kids or taking care of our parents is
selfish?
And our parents are in a manner when
we look after them. Our kids are in
a manner to look after them. That's the
same thing with our body. It's our body
is in a manner. Our mind is in
a manner. Our heart is in a manner.
They are all gifts. So if taking care
of our children is not selfish,
then taking care of the other amanas, our
mind, body, heart, our soul is also not
selfish.
I love that. And sister Sarah says, from
the audience, she said, I
never saw it that way before.
So sister Ido, thank you for for dropping
that and Amira as well for backing that
up.
I really love that. I knew her to
Lisa Lisa Nichols because she just comes with
those gems. That one there, she just comes
with gems. So
filling your own cup
and serving from the overflow.
Does that resonate with everyone?
Khadija, you're the one. You're the motherhood coach,
babe. And everyone always says motherhood.
Well, motherhood is just giving,
giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, and giving some
more and giving some more. So what what
do you say to this?
I think for me, self care is
about giving yourself.
It's taking back something for yourself, and you
cannot give to others what you don't
have. Mhmm. And I see that over and
over time, so many women are depleted. Our
cup is in not not on overflow. It's
in underflow. And until you reclaim back your
soul, until you take back and give yourself
back your empower yourself and give back that
power to yourself to say, I give myself
permission
to
to to look after me. You cannot give.
And the thing is, the messages that we
send to our children,
what is the message we're sending to our
children if we're constantly in a place of
of selflessness,
we're constantly giving, giving, giving.
We teach others how they treat us. So
we teach them to take and take and
take. And what we want is we want
a healthy relationship,
recognizes our own needs. It recognizes that we
have the permission to to stand up in
our life and have needs and we have
a right to those needs and to show
up in that space. So we cannot give
to others what we don't practice,
ourselves.
That makes so much sense. I I just
wanna speak to this for a second, guys,
because,
you know, many of us, we come from,
you know, all over the world,
you know,
different countries, different cultures.
But I'm wondering,
what lessons did you learn
about
specifically, motherhood, I think,
and and the place of kind of sacrifice
and and and serving up and giving and
giving and giving.
What lessons did we learn from our mothers,
do you think?
Because as you're saying that, you know,
you know, that that we are teaching, we're
always teaching others how to treat us. And
I'm thinking of the idea of the the
long suffering mother and wife who is, you
know, really at the at the service of
others all the time and everybody is put
first and everyone is more important than her.
I mean, for any of our panelists or
anybody in the audience, actually, what lessons do
you think you have learned or internalized
from your own mother and maybe your aunts
and women from our mother's generation? What do
you guys think?
I recently did a,
a a list of my mother's qualities.
Those that I loved and those that I
didn't find so,
attractive and useful.
And I just to see which ones that
I pick up because we all will take
qualities from my mother, even though we don't
always want to admit that we do, but
we do. And one of the key qualities
that I I recently identified
as being detrimental
to my to to myself but also to
my family is not asking for help and
being the superwoman.
I'm like, I'm done being superwoman up here
yo. Like not being able to say, do
you know what? I can't handle the whole
load.
And especially
culturally being a Yoruba woman, we're known to
be like,
you just keep going, you know, you've got
this. You, like, you've gone through. What do
you mean you're sitting down? Come on, we're
going, you know. I was like, no. No.
No. I'm tired of all of that. Do
you know what? I hang off the cape
and I sit down and I say, do
you know what? I'm good. I'm great. And
I also need help. And that is not
a sign of weakness. And I feel like
women, we need to it's really important. This
is something I recently helped a client do,
redefine what it means to be strong. What
does that even mean? Because all of us
want to be strong women but
usually the definition of being strong is to
our own detriment.
And I think it's and it puts us
to the side and it doesn't allow us
to engage in acts of self care and
look after ourselves
and it runs us down. And I think
just,
I saw for me that
being this go go go you've got this
girl you, you know, you can't ask for
help and I was like, I'm not down
for that anymore. And that's that's something that
in Hamzah, I'm grateful that I've been able
to identify because I can stop that mess.
No. No. No. No. No. I
as you're saying that, I'm just thinking of
a few conversations that I was seeing on
social media talking about,
you know, the the things that we take
on in terms of, you know, a strong
woman or, you know, a a woman who's
kind of got it under control.
And and, you know, who's just that that
whole superwoman trope, I guess.
And, yeah, and how it can actually be
something that's detrimental to us. So even though,
especially nowadays, as women who are, I guess,
fairly modern in different degrees,
we do feel we are capable
of doing everything, and it's not even that.
We are capable
of doing everything and anything.
However,
if we are not careful with that kind
of push to kinda do do do do,
maybe we could be sort of
hurtling down a road that is not necessarily
beneficial for us. I wanna, speak to some
of what the audience is saying here. So,
so my mom would literally break her back,
bending over and serving everyone else.
And, you know, Shaddab
says that
she also felt that she was not allowed
to ask for help.
Tamkeen says our mothers didn't know that they
were the last
generation
that would martyr their self care.
Oh,
that's a whole word right there. Not surprised
because that's time keen, but, hey, our mothers
didn't know that they were the last generation
that would martyr themselves. It's true. This new
gen age is about taking back what should
have been hours a long time ago. That
is that is that is a whole word
right there.
And the, yeah, a lot of people
saying the superwoman, yes, never ask for help,
doing everything for everyone. And, of course, Sarah
says, now I'm the same, and I find
it very hard to ask for help. And
Shadev says, my aunt is constantly getting ill
because she believes in only serving people. Very
interesting. Thank you so much, guys.
Just thank you so much for sharing with
us,
those of you in the audience.
Anybody else
have,
you know, something to say to that?
I I just wanna add to what, Florheen
said. Sorry, Adele.
She said that Superwoman spoke to me and
not being able to say no. So that's
the other thing, not being able to say
no.
Saying no when you can't do something and
when you're just really not able to or
going until the point where you have to
say no, and you're forced to say no
whether it's because of health issues or mental
health issues or whatever. So,
yeah, self care is also being able to
say no also,
you know, because people don't see it as
they see it as being selfish,
when you say no. So,
yeah.
I think it's just to speak to that
as well. I'd love you to come in,
inshallah.
But just speaking to that as well as
as,
we said, we teach people how to treat
us. And so it's almost like we have
to teach our families that it's okay for
me to say no.
I still love you.
I'm still here for you,
but
this time, I'm saying no. And that's you
need to be okay with that. That's what
I say to my kids. I say, you
know what? Accept the no. Accept the no
because you're gonna hear no sometimes. And that's
life, and that's normal. And that's because mommy
also needs to do whatever mommy is needing
to do. You know? Go ahead, Adele. Sorry.
I jumped in there.
No worries.
For me,
coming from
like, my mom was, like, the ultimate superwoman.
She was taking care of everybody but herself.
And
recently, we had a conversation where I said,
I don't wanna walk in your footsteps because
I was.
And the no was difficult. I had to
come to terms
that I had a daughter, and I was
teaching her that. Like, that she was the
last on the list. And
as women and Muslim women
and even being a black woman, being at
the totem pole of, like, the hierarchy of
things, all the microaggressions
we face every single day. Like,
just and then having to not have time
to sort of
fill my cup with becoming
this thing where and I watch my daughter
start
rethink,
like, start to do the same things. And
I said,
you know, it's enough because it's time to
practice radical self care as women. To say
no
is a full sentence.
You have to Woah. Woah. Woah. Woah. Woah.
Stop. Stop. Stop. Rewind
and come again.
You guys who are taking live video, you've
gotta take that again. Okay, brothers, sisters? You
have to bring that again, girl, and say
it for the people in the back.
Right? Because it is. It's
we have this thing where we say no
and then there's an explanation because we lived
in guilt. Right?
But no is a full sentence, and we
need to own that, and we need to
teach that to our kids.
We need to on it's a it's an
honoring yourself. Your word is enough. No should
we know? Those people who love you, who
know you, who recognize that you're no,
when you say no, you obviously have a
reason you did that. You know? But it's
often, it's not even the people around us.
It's us. We have to kind of be
comfortable and okay
to to step back and say no and
give ourself that time for whatever reason. So
for me, telling it was difficult to say
that to my mom, but there's a price
that you pay. Okay. Whether it's now or
later, it will show up physically
that and I'm watching my mom, like,
you know, that physical
toll that she's paid now with her health.
So
as women, we need to know that, you
know, whether it's now or later,
these things not taking care of yourself, there's
a price to pay.
Can I just jump in there as well?
Please.
So even again on this topic of none,
I wanna just reiterate it because it's so
important.
It's also having the courage to say no.
Sometimes it just takes
courage to be able to say no, particularly
to
people who are, you know, I would say
like I used to be
in the scarcity
mentality where you feel as though if I
don't do it all, it's gonna I'm gonna
lose an opportunity.
Because it's not even just when it comes
to saying no to your family or this.
Sometimes it's opportunities.
A lot of the time, especially for the
kind the the women who will be in
my workshop for entrepreneurs,
serial entrepreneurs,
you know, high powered, high performing professionals,
We need self care and we need to
be able to say no even to things
that
are look like opportunities to us and, you
know, and break that fear of missing out
or break that fear of losing an opportunity
if we say no to it. And so
we feel like we have to do everything
because we're afraid to just commit and say,
do you know what? This is a fantastic
opportunity.
It's a good one, but I need to
give myself space so that I can then
take on the great things. And I think
that that's also a
a space where people need to realize that
that is also part of self care.
I love that. You know? I remember hearing
this a few years ago now, and I
just thought, that is amazing.
Saying no to something good so you can
say yes to something great. And I think
that that's what jumped out at me from
what you said there, So all you entrepreneurs
and professionals and, you know, hardworking
ladies, high achievers,
go getters, make sure you don't miss sister
Zara's workshop tomorrow,
because, because, yeah. It's it's gonna be an
eye opener. Now, I wanna just speak to
this point because somebody mentioned
about, you know, do women equate love
with doing for others? And this feels like
a love languages kind of question. And when
we talk about love languages, I always think
to myself,
you know, I feel like previous generations
were conditioned
to see acts of service
as the main love language. Right? Do you
guys do you guys agree with that? Because
it was like we we have so many
women of a particular generation who really do
see
cooking
for the family,
serving the family, you know, making everything, you
know, good for the family, acts of service,
basically,
as the main way that they show that
they're they're love, you know, to the point
where I know many sisters whose mothers have
never said I love you to them ever.
Like, that that's not a thing. You know?
They don't hug them. They don't say I
love you. You know? There isn't any of
the other stuff. They don't give them gifts
or anything like that, but they will cook
for them every time, and they will look
after them. Do you think that
the whole acts of service and you know,
is that a female thing?
Is it a cultural thing?
Is it an Islamic thing? Because somebody actually
asked, you know, did the female companions where
is it now? Did the female companions
take care of themselves?
Oh, that's that's a good one.
I don't think any women of that time
took care of themselves, to be honest. But,
what what do you guys think about that
in terms of, you know, us, the way
that we see
serving others as being our main way that
we show our love for, you know, for
the people around us.
I think it's definitely cultural from my perspective,
anyways. I think it's definitely
cultural. When you grow up in an African
home, they're telling you from when you're, like,
8, you need to learn how to cook
when you get to your husband's house. You
need to you know, all of that.
You know, it's like it's it's literally condition
from when you are from from when you
were young. And the funniest thing is that
I'm sure this isn't a marriage,
session, but I know that a lot of
women thought that, yeah, by the time you
cook for your husband and this, then that
should be it. And then you get a
rude awakening when you actually get married and
you realize that it's so much more than
Wow. But I thought the way to a
man's heart was through his stomach. What happened?
So they teach us,
but there's so much more to it than
that. So I think definitely culture has a
has a role to play, but it also
takes, you know, us on learning
and learning new things as well. Especially as
parents and you know I love what you
said about some some parents will say you
know especially when it comes to fathers as
well I paid for your school fees, you
know, you have a home over your head
blah blah blah. What do you mean I
don't love you? Like, well, you've never said
it. And they don't realize that those things
are also important. So we need to break
that cycle.
Great. Well, I mean, it's
Go on, Amira. Sorry.
No.
Yeah. It's like, you know, you think about
taking that step back. You know,
our childhood is where our subconscious mind was
formed. So we picked up all these messages
about boundaries,
about, you know,
everything that we picked up about
everything is from unwounded parents. It's from wounded
parents. Right? Parents that weren't consciously aware. So
if you think about now, our generation is
becoming more conscious
related to my self worth. We link we
link doing trust, self worth. So, you know,
ideally if we're brought up by parents that,
we were seen, we were heard, if we
got those messages, we're validated internally,
then we I think that the driving force
is that,
we are repeating the patterns if we're not
consciously aware. Repeating the patterns
of, what is a boundary. Like most of
us weren't taught what is a boundary. We
weren't we're taught to people, please. We're taught
that, you know, I remember my grandmother would
always say, oh, we're generations of warriors.
Like, we worry a lot. We have to
worry. And I remember thinking, but why do
I have to do this to worry? You
know, why so a lot of it when
we take that step back, our beliefs, our
subconscious mind is where our behavior is driven.
So we're actually just repeating the same habits
in some ways until we become consciously and
where it says stop. This is unacceptable. I
want better for myself. I want better for
my generations to come.
I love that you said that we're generations
of warriors because I thought you meant warriors,
like warriors.
And that remind me of the Yoruba women.
Maybe you said you were warriors, but you
actually meant warriors,
which is slightly different.
But,
you know, obviously, there's, like, so much that
we can unpack here. And, you know, just
to clarify for for some of the audience,
you know, we're not out here saying
looking after others is bad. Okay? I'm do
you know what? I'm not gonna speak to
this race. Come on. Take it away, girl.
You say it because you're busy nodding. Because
I I know that people may feel a
bit like but I like cooking for my
family. I like to be needed, and I
like to be of service. So are we
saying,
no, ladies.
No more taking care of anyone else. You're
the priority. Everybody else can go and
do whatever.
Alright. I'm going to talk about that,
in relation to sister Farin, who made a
comment here. Women are meant to the most.
Is one other lesson or quality learned from
my mother
Mhmm. Which my mother herself has learned?
So I wanna, like, break down that word,
sacrifice. What does that mean?
Does that mean
sacrifice
at all cost,
at any cost,
your needs, your,
your desires, your energy, your health, none of
that matters. You're just a servant.
You know, sacrificing
your,
yourself
to give to someone else
is an act of self loathing actually
because you're hurting yourself and you're destroying yourself
and you're minimizing yourself,
because you don't see any value or worth
within yourself subconsciously. You may not be actively
saying it or recognize that that's what it
means
because
when you what what the type of sacrifice
what this type of sacrifice is that is
pleasing to Allah,
not people pleasing,
but pleasing to Allah is when
you're already full. Like, you have that grounded
connection with your Lord
that you're already full from that. You've given
yourself what you need because of, you know,
your value and your worth and the Amana.
So you're full, and the sacrifice that you're
giving is from you're making
to give, to serve, to help, to to
nurture,
to parent, to cook is coming from a
place of
fullness,
sincerity,
to please Allah.
That's how it works because then you don't
have any resentment about it, Then you're giving
openly and freely not because you have to,
but because you desire and you want to.
Mhmm. I love that, I love that. And
I think,
we're gonna have more time to talk on
these topics over the weekend, ladies.
So,
what I'd love for each one of you
to do, starting with sister Afrah,
is to just give us a taste of
your workshop over the weekend,
what you're going to be sharing with us
and who it's for.
Because, guys, the way that we've set up
the program, you can attend all the talks.
All the talks will be in the Facebook
groups. You can watch them later. You will
also receive the replays. You can watch them
once the weekend is over. So you don't
have to kind of choose which workshop to
go to. You can go to all of
them.
But, sister Afrah, who is your workshop for,
and what are you going to be sharing
with us, Inshallah, over the weekend?
So the workshop's for postpartum,
women. And
the thing about that is it you could
say it's a new mom who's just had
a baby, or you could say it's a
mom like me who's been a mom for
7 years
because you could experience postpartum,
depletion
for, like, 10 years after you've had a
baby. So,
really, it's for any mom.
There's lessons to be learned for everybody, and
you can,
learn how to take care of yourself once
you have a baby. And if you're pregnant,
even better, you learn how you're ahead of
the game, and you can prepare for that,
and you can learn how to take care
of yourself after and create a plan. So,
yeah, that's what we will cover tomorrow. Wonderful.
And ladies, if you do know anybody who
is expecting or is just had a baby
maybe in the 1st year afterwards
who you think will benefit from sister Afrah's,
workshop,
please do send the link onto them. So
send them a quick WhatsApp message and SMS
just with the link and let them know
there is gonna be a workshop that I
think you should really attend this weekend,
so that they can get a leg up
on, being able to look after themselves and
hopefully avoid postpartum depletion, which is
such a heavy, heavy, heavy burden to carry.
May Allah make it easy for us all.
Okay. Lajinka,
what are we going to who is your
workshop for and what should we expect?
We've got lots of people saying that they're
looking forward to your workshop. I saw your
name many times, So here we
go. Because I dropped truth bombs and I
will be dropping 3
major truth bombs tomorrow around the concept of
self
love. If you are a woman who,
routinely engages in self care activities you want
to come tomorrow, inshallah because I will be
debunking the myth around self care as an
act of self love. So
come on and get some of the ink
of that power.
Yeah you look like you're limbering up, like
you're just ready to go. I'm ready, I'm
ready for dinner tomorrow.
So bring your notebook, bring yourself. If you're
gonna come, I would also say bring a
handheld
mirror.
Oh, thank you very much. That's an important
piece of equipment. We don't wanna miss out
on that Insha'Allah.
So Samira, are we gonna need any handheld
mirrors for your workshop, girl?
Fortunately
not, but I do definitely recommend it in
my programs. Definitely. I mean, you know, I've
got one, like, right here on my desk.
It's just yeah. So important.
But, no, you you won't need you won't
need one for for my session on Sunday
inshallah.
Sorry. I'm a mess. But no. No. No.
Seriously, on a reel. Amira, who is your
workshop for, and what should they expect?
So my workshop essentially is for any women
who are struggling with their * lives in
a sense. It could be women who are
currently married, who don't really feel that they
have a satisfying * life, women who are
just struggling with kind of any area of
marital intimacy.
Obviously, I specialize in helping women with painful
*. So if that's something you're currently experience
experiencing, then definitely come to the workshop. If
you are a woman who knows that you
have vaginismus, which is a condition where you
struggle with
penetrative *, then definitely come to the workshop.
If you're currently not married and you're kind
of anxious and fearful
around the idea of first time * and
the wedding night then definitely come to the
session. So in essence any woman whether married
or not struggling with, a a dissatisfying *
life or a fear of * in general
then
I
know
I I know I've known sister Amira for
a while. But, guys, if you every one
of these speakers, you should definitely follow them
on Instagram.
But if you or someone that you know
is struggling with this area, it's obviously it
is one of those taboo topics
that really people don't talk about.
But it's such a real thing. And I
remember sister Amira, you posted one of your
clients
who had not been able to be intimate
with her husband to have * with her
husband for 4 years
due to vaginismus.
And then you kind of shared her journey
with your program and with you on actually
being able to, after 4 years, people actually,
you know, be intimate in that way, sleep
with her husband. So if it is you
or you know someone, and if you do
know someone, please tell them you need to
be here. You need to come to this.
It's your ride. It's it's it's curable.
There is a solution. So
if you guys know the virtual salon, you
know that there is no shame in our
game. Okay? Like, this is this is knowledge
that Allah
has has blessed us with,
and we are not going to we are
not going we're going to be like the
women, the Sahaba, the Sahabiat, who used to
ask these questions of Rasulullah
without feeling, you know, like, oh, this is
so dirty or nasty or taboo because we
don't see intimacy. We don't see * like
that as Muslims. And so in this space,
guys,
you come with your questions. You come and
you learn and you apply, and it's all
all good in there. Thank you, Amir. I'm
really looking forward to that.
Sister Khadija,
what should we look about? Look. Who is
your workshop for? Is it only for moms
of boys? And, what are we, what should
we, look forward to in your workshop?
Sorry. Trying to unmute myself. No. It's not
for mothers or boys. It's for all mothers
or mothers to be. So basically, some tips
from my own journey of,
how to build a private sanctuary within amongst
all the struggles and tests and things that
we go through.
It's specifically for women that
have any kind of people pleasing qualities,
who have self are worse issues, are not
good enough,
unable to say no,
you know, caring for everybody else's needs to
the detriment of themselves,
struggling with any kind of low self esteem,
low self worth,
feeling taken advantage of, any of those kind
of things,
conflict, all the things, and just wanna show
up and create that beautiful sanctuary within, which
is so possible.
Reconnecting back through
our self worth, self
care, reclaiming our soul, reclaiming what we need
and showing up,
as a as the mother that we want
to be inshallah.
Masha'Allah. I can't wait for that.
Really, really looking forward to that.
Zahra,
what about you, my dear? Who should be
there and what should we expect? Oh, wow.
Okay. So my workshop is for
my serial entrepreneur,
my high performing woman
that is running that side hustle business, working
the 9 to 5, kids at home, husband
at home, trying to do it all, take
over the world,
living off of adrenaline,
2 hours of sleep, literally.
That woman. And I know that, you know,
there's a couple of you in in in
the house that know,
exactly what I'm talking about. And my workshop
is how to break the boom and bust
cycle
because so many
so many women particularly women who are you
know high performing women running businesses, working, doing
all of that stuff
you know, they operate in a boom and
bust cycle where they're booming, buzzing, things are
going well, and they crash and burn
and, you know, take forever to get back
up and going again and they just continue
that. And, you know, inshallah, we will be,
you know, looking at how to
break free from that cycle,
examining what limiting beliefs are pushing you to
operate
in that cycle.
We'll be looking inshallah
at practical
tips and you know in terms of how
to you know set boundaries,
how to create a healthy routine etcetera etcetera.
So really looking forward to the session
insha'Allah
come ready to do some work.
I have a worksheet that was that's going
to be prepared insha'Allah for the session so
come ready to do some work because we're
going to dig deep and we're going to
make some commitments,
inshallah to to to make those changes,
to have a more healthy and wholesome
approach to work and life inshallah.
Love it, mashaAllah. Sounds absolutely amazing. And, Idil,
what about you? Who is your workshop for?
I eat everyone. But what should we expect,
inshallah,
from your workshop?
Exactly. If you're eating, you need to eat.
It's kinda easy. Yeah. It's a good one.
But, really, if you're exhausted,
if you, have gut health issues, if you
have hormonal issues, if your hair is falling
out, if you find yourself with cystic acne,
or if you
have your period went missing,
you've heard the phrase food is medicine.
For me, that I live by that phrase.
That is because food is the most important
or the most powerful drug in the world,
and it is information. It
really informs every cell in your body and
how you show up in the world.
So I want you to stop debiting from
your future self and your health and start
investing
by feeding yourself intentionally, nourishing
on a similar level. And let's talk about
how we can use our regular
everyday pantry staples
to feed ourselves and to heal. So I
hope to see you there.
Oh, that sounds so good. Oh,
That's gonna be excellent.
And when you say pharmacy,
you think of it as pharmacy,
f a r m a c, don't you?
From the farm to your table, really,
you know, if you think about food
and herbs and spices,
they were the ultimate medicine. Right?
Even in our deen, there's a lot of
food that is mentioned in the Quran. Food
is
is got like, Allah has given us food
from the earth,
to heal us, to nourish us, to help
us thrive, and we have moved from that
to pharmaceutical
medicine.
And the thing I'm not saying pharmaceutical medicine
doesn't have a place, but really, we eat
3 times a day. And so
what what's at the end of your fork
is really your ultimate form of health care
and self care, and it is really decides
who you're gonna be today, tomorrow,
and a year from now, 10 years from
now, how are you gonna age, how are
you gonna move in your body, your mental
capacity,
everything.
And if you don't believe me, I have
the proof. I have experienced all of this.
I know we live in a world where
we feel like this
the badge of honor of busyness, and we're
all just really, like,
exhausted. And I feel like it's time to
stop and
remember that
it's essential to take care of yourself. It
it it you're teaching not just
your family, but you're you really are, like,
investing
in this that Allah gave you. It's a
form of.
Yeah. I love that. And I'm I'm really,
really looking forward to seeing kind of that
slightly different take on self care, which as
you said, if you're eating, you need to
know this. So, like, all of y'all better
be there
Raeesah, who is your workshop for, and, what
should we expect?
My workshop is for any woman
who is thinking about divorce, who's going through
a divorce, already divorced.
For any woman who's feels that her marriage
is breaking down, has broken down,
and,
in the process she is feeling like she's
broken down.
A lot of,
we have been conditioned to believe that our
marital
status is attached to our value and our
worth.
And so there's a lot going on underneath,
and I am going to be addressing
these topics of just breakdown.
And my topic is really is gonna be
about how to be unbreakable beyond divorce,
and discovering your innate
resilience and confidence that it's nothing that you
have to do. It's already there within you,
and you just lost sight of it for
now
to get back to that,
whole healed healthy,
space and really get back to our fitra,
the way Allah created
us to not allow and have,
anyone or anything have the power to break
us.
I love that.
Fantastic.
Ladies,
we've got a long day tomorrow
and a long day on Sunday. So I
want to just thank every single one of
you amazing ladies who are speaking this weekend,
those of you who are attending,
whether you're watching this live or on the
replay, I just wanna say I appreciate you.
I thank you for being here. I thank
you for being so generous with your time
and your knowledge. Guys, all of you, the
panelists,
virtual salon chat's always lit, and they're always
so appreciative.
So thank you, guys. Just send love to
the panelists. Make dua for them and their
families so they're able to continue to do
this work,
and so we can continue to learn from
them.
I'm looking forward to learning as well with
everyone. And as as you know, I'm also
going to be doing a short workshop on
if you only had 6 months. We wanna
we are gonna be doing some practical work
on
really taking stock of where we are, you
know, what we want to keep doing, what
we wanna stop doing, what we want to
do more of, etcetera, and making some real
changes right now in terms of our consciousness
and our time. So
I wanna thank you, precious ladies, for your
time this evening.
You everyone has the program. You've all got
the emails. The Facebook group is there. You
can go in there and, you know, talk
more about the session later.
The, panelists, you are more than welcome to
go into the Facebook group and engage with
people in there as well.
But for now, let's call it a night,
and let's see everybody. I believe our first
talk is at 1 o'clock UK time tomorrow.
So you have the links in your email.
We will see you there.
And if you know anyone
who needs to attend any of these workshops
or who needs to watch back over this
replay, which will be available,
then make sure you send them the link
to get their ticket so that they can
join
us tomorrow. But for now, I just wanna
say