Naima B. Robert – Discussion on Intimacy In Muslim Culture AminahJayne O’Rourke
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The speaker discusses the history of the Islamic economy, including the rise of intimacy and marriage, and how it has impacted society. They also mention the importance of sex education in society, and how it is a core part of the culture. The speaker also talks about the " blind leading the blind" conversation and how it is a sad situation for couples.
AI: Summary ©
Well, if you look into Islamic history so
one of the people I'm going to mention
a few times, and I really hope he
doesn't mind, is Khabib Akande.
I'm sure you've heard of him before. Right?
So he's written,
multiple books, but 3 of them in particular
that I'm aware of are about intimacy
Mhmm. In marriage. And he talks a lot
a lot in-depth about the Islamic, the very
rich Islamic history, and getting it right in
the bedroom, basically.
Tell us a bit about that because there'll
be viewers who are like, what what what's
she on about? What's she what's she saying?
What's she talking about? So, like, erotology in
Islam is not a new thing. This is,
like, considered one of the sacred sciences. Right?
This is halal we're talking about,
you know, where there's marriage in place and
everything. You know, this is, like, absolutely undisputed
Ibadah from start to finish, you know, due
to its intention
and something that Allaah has decreed for us
all to enjoy. You know? And that is
the way it's supposed to be. Right?
But I think
I'm not entirely sure, and other
people will be able to either correct me
on this or they will be able to,
you know, compliment me on being accurate on
this.
I believe
that
with colonization,
for example, of the world,
what came with that was a prudish nature
around
intimacy and marriage and things like that.
Because we can't negate the fact that, you
know, these countries that colonized
I know this is not about colonization. It's
not. Mhmm. But the reason I'm mentioning this
is, you know, these colonized cultures, so to
speak, would have permeated societies to an extent
and set some new boundaries or new etiquettes
that they felt were appropriate.
Excuse me.
And it kind of negated the fact that
it became new cultures in Muslim society that,
you know, it wasn't acceptable for women to
have these conversations or men to have these
conversations. This was strictly private again, and, you
know, we weren't supposed to talk about it.
But if you look into Islamic history so
one of the people I'm going to mention
a few times, and I really hope he
doesn't mind, is Habiba Kandy.
I'm sure you've heard of him before. Right?
So he's written,
multiple books, but 3 of them in particular
that I'm aware of are about intimacy
Mhmm. In marriage. And he talks a lot
a lot in-depth about the Islamic, the very
rich Islamic history in getting it right in
the bedroom, basically. Yeah. And he's got all
the advice and he's got, you know, from
a spiritual perspective and intellectual perspective.
He is absolutely brilliant.
And that's where a lot of my reading
has stemmed from, to be quite honest with
you, in relation to that. I was I
was surprised to hear that in Muslim history,
even as early as the 4th caliph,
you know, there were village aunties of the
day in Medina
who knew exactly what to tell their own
sons what to do, for example, when they
got married,
And they knew exactly what to tell the
daughters to expect. And with absolutely
you know, unabashedly so type of thing, you
know, it was,
you know, I'm giving you this because you
need this information. You're supposed to enjoy it.
It wasn't an uncomfortable conversation for them. It
was, a lot of decided that you're allowed
this. You're getting married. This is a great
thing. Yeah. Here you are. Here's all the
information you need. If you need anything else
after, then, you know, it was an always
open dialogue.
Wow. You seem to have suffered a severe
disconnect to that, to the point where I
think I mentioned to this this to you
before.
When I've I've had conversation
conversations with ladies from some heritage communities and
some non heritage,
communities,
mainly heritage communities, if I'm being completely honest
though, is that literally until the night of
the Mehdi, they just get sexual innuendos and
they actually have no * education before that
point. And I'm like, but
that's an absolute travesty type of thing. You
know, like because
while I don't agree with the agenda that's
being pushed in schools,
* education is very important
It's most, isn't it? I'm sure you're agreeing
with me. Yeah.
And so the reason why I'm mentioning that
is because
they would then go on to say, so
you either had a have an understanding husband
who will hear you out
or you don't.
And that's the end of that conversation type
of thing.
And he probably didn't get
any
* education in that sense either. I mean,
he probably learned a lot of stuff, but
not necessarily
what he would need to know and understand
in order to make that night, you know,
a pleasurable and and kind of, you know,
comfortable night for him and his new wife.
So, yeah, it's a bit like
the almost blind leading the blind, isn't it?
Absolutely. And, you know, you don't you don't
just get, you know, miraculous,
revelation about this kind of thing literally, you
know, as all individual human beings. It's Yeah.
You know, especially as marriage is, you know,
growing length of time, it's about, you know,
growing with your spouse, isn't it? And making
sure that you're still interesting for them and
they're still interested for you. And not just,
you know, physically, intimately, but emotionally and intellectually,
intimately as well. Like, somebody said to me,
what's one of the most important things you
consider with your own husband type of thing?
And I was like, the ability to intellectually
dance
is, like, right up there. I mean, I'm
married to another convert. We had some very
frank conversations before we got married.
And we we did have a conversation about
intimacy and, like, our expectations,
you know, in a modest fashion, you know,
with chaperones around and things like that. It
was really important to us that we're on
the same page as 2 converts who have
been married before, because
it's not a joke, and it's not something
you usually kind of wanna leave. You definitely
don't wanna leave. No. No. No. You can't.
You can't. The the reality is that you
can't. The reason I'm laughing sorry guys. I'm
not being puerile. I'm just thinking I'm sure
that you and your intended
knew exactly why you were having the conversation
and knew what your boundaries were, but I
just, I'm sure any chaperones just were wishing
that the ground would open up as well.
I don't know if they could hear you.
Sure they're probably like, let's just look at
that really interesting lampshade over there for a
moment while Yeah.
Conversations happening.