Naima B. Robert – Can Muslim Women Really Have it All REAL TALK
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The speaker discusses the difficulty of finding a life partner and formation a family for a Muslim life, as women need to be present and empowered with a sense of self worth and self confidence. They also discuss the negative impact of lied promises on women, and suggest starting making decisions based on reality instead of just hearing " fairy tale." The speaker suggests that women should start making decisions based on reality rather than just feed into people's dreams.
AI: Summary ©
I I watched one of your interviews, and
you said that women
were lied to when they were told that
they can have it all.
Why did he say that?
Ah, done with it. I'm so done. I'm
so, so, so done. The thing is,
I
this is new. Okay? Because if you've been
following me for any length of time, you'll
see that, I've always been talking about
empowerment
in my own way. Right? Yep. It's never
been a case of
get the Muslim women out there. We need
to be out there. We need to be
here. We need to be there. Representation.
I'm not really I'm not really about that
life. Yeah. But I am about
empowering Muslim women with a sense of self
worth and self confidence
and not allowing other people's BS
to get in here to tell you stuff
that is not from the deen and not
from Islam and nothing to do with what
Allah wants from you. So I've always been
about that.
I was invited to a marriage,
seminar.
Yeah. And they were actually it was interesting.
It was it was a marriage seminar, but
it was about gender equality in Islam. And
I was on the panel. There was another
imam, and then there was 2 other influencers,
and they were millennials.
And we're having a conversation about gender, I
guess, so it made sense, you know, that
that that kind of the conversation went that
way.
But these young women are not married. They
would like to get married. But as they
said,
they can't deal with the toxic masculinity
of Muslim men.
They talked about misogyny. They talked about the
patriarchy.
All the buzzwords. Right? I
was profoundly bothered by this because
I just I could hear how they sounded
from the man's perspective.
I could I could hear them.
If I was a a Muslim man, I
could hear how they sounded. Right? They sounded
like
man bashing,
you know, male hating feminists. Okay? No cap.
And I thought to myself,
whatever it is that you're watching,
reading,
studying is poisoning your mind
about men.
And
this is going to be difficult for you
if you actually want to find a life
partner and form a family
and and and and actually kind of have
a Muslim life, if that makes sense. Just
a normative Islamic life. Right?
How will you accept that your father is
your wakil?
How will you accept that? Isn't that the
patriarchy?
Yes.
How will you accept that you need to
have a waleed to get married? Isn't that
the patriarchal control again?
How will you accept that you must obey?
Oh my god. Obey. Oh,
obey my husband. Oh my.
She said, oh, word.
How will you accept that? Isn't that toxic
masculinity? Isn't that misogyny? Isn't that all of
that stuff that those people are talking about?
So at that stage, at that point, I
said, you know what?
We need to be careful
because what we're doing is we're allowing ourselves
to be drawn along a path
that is already turning out badly for these
people.
Already
you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't
know where Yes. See the TikToks and the,
you know, the women.
Right? If they're older women, they're complaining. Where
have all the men gone? If they're young
women, they're saying, men, ain't she? You know,
men attract.
You men who do.
And I I was like, as Muslim women,
we need to be smarter than this. Okay?
And but the thing is, you already see
it. I'm already seeing Muslim girls making TikToks
about no man can tell me about this,
and no man has got the right to
say x y zed to me.
That is the conditioning.
That's the programming.
That's that's what's happening right now. Okay? And
so to in answer to your question
about having it all,
yes. We were lied to. Women were lied
to in the sixties. Okay? And we are
still being lied to today.
There's always going to be
a payoff. There's always going to be a
price to pay for whatever it is that
you want.
And I think that that whole thing of
you can have it all on your own
time, how you want it,
it's just nonsense. Doesn't work. And we're seeing
the the the like I said, we are
seeing the effects of that now. And I
think if I think if we're fair, Joanna,
I think many of us have seen potentially
already in our own communities
where
families
or society
told women
to study for 10 years
and have a career first. Right?
And then find a good husband. And how
many of our sisters
in their mid thirties
and and and maybe they started looking late
20 hard. 30
it's really hard. This is real, guys.
And those poor women, you know, lovely women,
beautiful women, intelligent women
practicing.
You know, they they want the family.
They want the husband. They want the children.
But the choices they made
now mean that that may not happen for
them
because of those choices. And, again,
it's I believe it's because
people thought that we had all the time
in the world that we can get to
do everything on our time. And when we
are ready, the right man will come, and
he'll be there. And I think a lot
of women are finding that that's just not
the case. And
on the one hand, you can get angry
about that and say, but why why would
these men not marry an older sister? It's
not fair. You know? Why why do they
discriminate against older sisters, etcetera? Right? Why do
they discriminate against, you know, I you know,
I'm a good person. I'm a good woman,
and I get it.
And I'm not defending that. But what I
am saying is that women
realize the reality of the situation.
You're not in charge here. You can't shame
men into wanting to marry older women when
naturally, biologically, and maybe just preference wise, they'll
prefer someone younger to start a family with.
Is it our place to shame them for
the results of our choices?
Even though we didn't know we were making
that choice at the time, and I know
I know I know.
Many sisters will not like that I'm saying
this. Already sisters are not happy that I'm
saying this. Okay? I get it.
But
I don't want to sell fairy tales to
people. I don't think it's honest
If we realize that something's happening in our
community
as a result of ideas that we have
gained from somewhere, we need to call it
out because I I remember I said you
know, I in one of my interviews, I
said, like, this is not a fairy tale.
And people had an issue with that. But
I I'm sorry. If you if you've been
any amount of time in this life,
you know
choices have consequences.
I've made choices,
and I've paid for those.
Just like you're gonna make choices, and you're
gonna pay the price for those choices, It
isn't a fairy tale. There are real world
issues here that we have to start facing
up to and and get real about if
we are gonna get the outcome that we
want. Some of us may never get that
outcome
because of the choices that we made. And
sometimes we have to accept that. You know?
So, yes, it's great
to lift and uplift people. It's important for
our own well-being.
But when it comes to anything to do
with others,
I don't think that it's honest to feed
into people's fantasies.
I think it's better you give them a
dose of reality
so at least they can see how the
land really lies
and make decisions
based on that rather than you fed them
all the stuff, you built them up to
this place, and they think that there's you
know, they they believe a narrative that's not
true, but they feel great about it. And
they're making decisions from that place, and they're
not gonna see the results that they want
because reality
smacked them in the face.