Naima B. Robert – Advice for Muslim Women and Men on Building a Relationship Allah FIRST Aliyah Umm Raiyaan
AI: Summary ©
AI: Transcript ©
To everyone.
Welcome to day 1
of the secrets of successful
marriage conference
2022.
It's almost 2023, but we like to have
this conference as a bridge between 1 year
and the next, to
give us some
new ideas, some new inspiration,
some new role models, some new information
in order to be able to win at
this marriage thing. Now what do I mean
by winning at this marriage thing? Well, my
name is Naima B. Robert, and I will
be your host for the next 3 days
insha'Allah.
And if you are already a subscriber on
my channel, I would like to say a
big welcome back and a jazakamalahu kayran. And
if you haven't yet subscribed, please just subscribe
now, click the button,
join us because on this channel we talk
about marriage in the realest way possible, masha'Allah,
and we talk about before marriage, during marriage,
and potentially after marriage. Right? So the next
3 days
are going to be packed
with
an amazing array of speakers, even
more than they were last year.
And last year was the bomb. But this
year, there'll be even more speakers,
from a variety of backgrounds who will be
sharing
their
expertise,
their experience, their advice
in all areas before marriage, during marriage, and
dealing with the challenges and what happens afterwards.
Right? And it's going to be all the
stuff they never tell you.
So this is not going to be your
usual marriage conference where you hear the same
things that you've heard time and time again.
Alhamdulillah and Insha'Allah,
we are going to be having our minds
blown just a little bit by some of
the takes that our speakers are going to
bring
onto this topic that everyone's talking about and
everyone has questions about and everybody wants to
get right the iznillah. So first and foremost,
if you are watching live, put live in
the chat. If you're watching on the replay,
put replay in the comments.
And I would love to make sure that
this is the most interactive session possible.
As I said, I'll be hosting throughout the
3 days,
and there will be questions and answers.
1st and foremost, our VIPs will have priority
access, but then also those of you who
are active in YouTube,
you will get to ask questions as well.
So keep the chat active. Keep it focused.
Make sure that you invite others to the
live. If you've caught a live stream, share
the video with others, take pictures, let people
know where you are, and capture those gems.
Capture those gems all weekend,
because I firmly believe that
if you're here, Allah has
brought you here for a reason. There is
something here for you. And every one of
you will have come to this space looking
for something different, needing something different, maybe wanting
one thing, but needing something else. So I
pray that you find what you are looking
for and that you get what you need
out of these 3 days.
So get your water, get your tea, get
your coffee, and let's kick off with our
first speaker, Alia Omerayan,
who is, as you probably know,
one of the presenters of Honest Tea Talks,
and she's also the founder of Solace UK,
that helps revert sisters in difficulty.
And her talk is going to be a
talk that we don't often it's a topic
that we don't often address when we are
talking about marriage, but I thought it was
fitting for us to kick off the conference
on this note because she is going to
be speaking to us about
laying the correct foundation for our marriage
through building our relationship with Allah.
Sister Alia Itfardelli,
please, welcome to the marriage conference.
Welcome to Secrets of Successful Marriage. JazakAllah Khulukhail
for joining us.
Okay.
Dear brothers and sisters.
I would just like to upload an image
to begin
with. So I'm just going to go to
my whiteboard.
So I'm going to give you the stage
Inshallah and come off please.
Thank you.
Okay.
Alhamdulillah.
Can everyone see the board? Yep.
Right.
Okay. So
no pressure in being the 1st speaker for
this
conference.
And I feel that my topic is
well suited
to being the first,
the first topic of this 3 day conference.
And I hope, inshallah,
by the end of
the the conference, you'll you'll know why.
So
I'd like to to start
by sharing
an excerpt from my upcoming book,
that's being published by Penguin,
called Ramadan Reflections. It's a guided journal that
will be available in March. So do go
to my Instagram, alia_umrayan.
Click on the link in my bio and
pre order that book. A lot of what
I'm gonna be speaking about today
is a bit of a taster
of what will come in that book. But
just to start this,
this first session off with an excerpt from
my book
where
I write.
Your last day.
Your last day, which can occur at any
time
that has already been predestined,
is a prelude to the last leg of
the journey of your soul.
Your body will be washed.
It will be shrouded,
it will be prayed over
and as you are carried to your new
home,
you take nothing with you except
how you spent the moments of your life.
Secrets of successful
marriages.
Now, I love words. As a writer, I
love words.
I
particularly
love the titles that I'm given,
but in particular, the title of this entire
conference,
secrets
of successful
marriages.
Now
that kind of got me thinking.
If we break that down, we have the
word secrets.
Secrets are something that
we keep hidden.
Secrets are private.
Secrets are
things that are unknown to others.
Let's look at the next word, successful.
When we're successful, we've achieved something
and that achievement is measured by
something
or someone
that awards that achievement. Right?
It could be a person. That person could
be ourselves. We can we can say that
we are the ones, you know,
that will that will, you know,
award us
the title of being successful at ABC. It
could be other people. It could be a
body.
And then marriages.
Marriage is the coming together of 2 people,
and in Islam
marriage is the coming together of 2 people
to journey towards Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
So if we put it together
secrets of successful marriages
are
things that we know
that are unknown
to others
that make us successful in fulfilling
the bond of marriage.
Now, let's just sit with this a second.
Let's sit with this.
We can all claim that we have secrets.
I would say in fact everyone has secrets.
When we,
conduct when the the the car is conducted,
we enter into a marriage.
But success
can we
claim success?
I would say
that
success
is the only thing that has a question
mark around it. We all have secrets. We
are either married or unmarried,
but success
definitely has question marks around it. How do
we know if we are successful wives? How
do we know if we're successful husbands?
How do we know if we are in
a successful
marriage?
How do we know if our spouse is
successful?
And the reality is
that although this conference is called the secrets
of a successful marriage,
the reality is none of us can actually
claim to be successful.
None of us.
None of us knows whether our marriage is
successful, none of us knows whether we are
successful wives or successful husbands
Because that award, my dear brothers and sisters,
that title,
that title, that award
is
only granted
by
the master
of the heavens and the universe.
That award is only granted by Allah Azzawajal,
And here's why.
Let me replace
the word marriage
with Muslim.
So let's say this conference was called secrets
of,
a successful Muslim.
See yeah. Secrets of a successful Muslim.
Can you ever
claim to be a successful Muslim? I have
this question. I'll in fact, I'd like to
I'd like, this question to be posed to
anyone on YouTube. Can anyone tell me, can
you ever can we ever claim to be
a successful Muslim?
Do we have any, anyone
in Zoom or on YouTube? What what would
you say?
Not sure if you can see the comments.
Checking now.
Thank you.
Yeah. Let's have you on screen, my,
sister Alia, because, right now, it's just a
big whiteboard, and we can probably see you.
Yeah. Apologies. Yeah. If they can't.
But people are saying, no. We can't.
Nope. No. No.
I'm not sure how it would come out
of this screen.
Just give me a second.
If we stop stop screen share for now.
Yeah. It says that it stopped. Has it
stopped? Okay. Close whiteboard. There we are. Okay.
I'm back.
So people are saying no. We we can
never claim to be a successful
Muslim. Why? Why is it that we cannot
claim? Because
that right is only
Allah's rights. It's only Allah's right
to to
state whether we have been a successful believer,
whether we have been a successful Muslim, a
successful Muslimer.
Right?
So
our level, our basic level of understanding, the
basic level of understanding of any believer, any
Muslim,
is that our success
in being a believer
is only with Allah as a wajal. I
think we're all in agreement with that.
Right?
Now
marriage marriage is a means is a means
of journeying towards Allah.
It's part of the package of trying to
be a successful believer.
So being a being in a successful
marriage
can never actually be claimed by anyone. Being
a successful wife or being a successful husband
can never be claimed can never be claimed
by anyone
because it's only Allah as a Wajal who
knows the full intricacies,
the full secrets of what goes on in
our marriages
and
can state whether we have been successful or
not.
We can try to be a good wife.
We can try to be a good husband.
Yes.
We can try
to be a wife that our husband is
pleased with. Yes. We can try to be
a husband
that our wife is pleased with. Yes.
We can try to fulfill our spouse's right.
Yes.
But success is actually
the secret. It's something that we will never
truly
know.
Now
that right there is the actual street secret.
That right there is the actual
true secret.
That Allah azza wa jahl is the only
one
who knows if we've been
successful
in our role as wife or husband,
whether we've been successful in working with our
spouse
to have a successful marriage,
we put in the effort, we do our
best,
we evaluate, we review, we try harder.
But the success,
we will only know when we meet Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. And because he is the
only one who can award that title,
wives
and husbands know
that their secret
is that
their relationship
with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
is what leads to becoming
successful.
And I'm gonna say this:
even if, qadrallallawamashaafal,
that marriage ends.
Now what is our purpose?
Our purpose as Allah
tells us in Surah Al Dhariyat, aya 56,
is to worship him. That's why we're here.
That's why we're here. That's why we're breathing.
That's why we're working. That's why we're getting
married. That's why we're having children.
That's why we do everything that we do
is to worship him.
He knows the exact moment we were conceived.
He knows the exact moment we were born
and entered this world, entered this realm, entered
this temporary
realm, this this dunya.
He knows the exact
moment we will leave
this
world. So we exist,
my dear brothers and sisters, and we know
this. I'm not telling you anything new.
We exist in this dunya
for the akhira.
We are here
travelling. We are on a temporary journey
to our final destination and our final home.
It's as simple as that.
Now if you read the Quran when you
read the Quran, it's full of references
that we will be resurrected,
we will die, we will be resurrected,
we will stand before Allah
and Jannah and Na,
heaven and *, Jannah and Jahannam
are real
places.
And not only are they real places,
they are eternal places.
Just as we know the only guaranteed
thing in this world, in this dunya is
in fact death,
so too the only guaranteed thing we know
about the akira,
we know about the akira
is that it is eternal.
And with everything I've just mentioned
with everything that I've just mentioned, I would
like to ask you a question.
Knowing all of this,
believing in all of this,
trying our best to live with all of
this,
what is the most important thing in your
life? And that's an actual question.
What is
the
most important thing in your life? What is
the priority?
I'd like to
know some of the answers to that question.
What is the most important thing in your
life? What is the priority?
Naima can you share
what people are saying please?
As there's a slight delay,
when it gets live streamed to YouTube, we
have to give them a few seconds to
catch up inshallah.
Would love to hear from our VIPs
who are in the room with us now.
Y'all don't get off the hook. Okay? We
need to see this chat starting to move.
So let's have some answers, Insha'Allah. Sis, please
repeat the question. So the question is, with
everything that I've just mentioned,
what is the most important thing in your
life? What is the priority?
To worship Allah, I can see you there.
Anyone else in the VIP room?
Okay. We've got some answers coming through. To
get to Jannah. Right. We've got the pleasure
of Allah,
to enter paradise, to be a successful worshipper.
Someone says salah, someone says go to Jannah,
someone says, to attain Allah's pleasure, to connect
all your actions to Allah,
prior to prioritizing Allah before anyone and everything,
having Allah at the forefront,
Allah
being pleased with us.
Your soul
is the most important thing.
Your soul.
Returning
your soul
to Allah in the best possible
state
is the most important thing
is the priority
in this life, in this dunya, in this
world.
Your soul and it's really your soul and
its relationship with Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
comes first
before
marriage.
Your soul and its relationship with Allah comes
first
during marriage. Your soul and its relationship with
Allah
comes first
after marriage.
Your soul is everything.
It's all you have. When you
meet
the angel of death
and your time has come to an end
in this life,
it's only that which your soul put forth
or didn't put forth
that you'll be taking with you.
Your soul
is
the priority.
So what happens when you when you really
internalize this and when
you when you when you live
by this, when you live knowing that your
soul is absolutely everything, your soul and its
relationship with Allah is absolutely everything.
Let's look at it in terms of a
person who is looking to get married.
Okay?
We're looking to get married, seeking a partner,
and you're seeking a partner
that prioritises
his or her soul
too. Because you recognise that you are on
this temporary journey,
that you came from Allah, and you'll be
returning to Allah,
and that your sole priority is to return
your soul in the best possible state,
your number one priority
before getting married is to seek out a
partner
who
prioritises
his or her soul as much as you
prioritise your own.
You end up seeking a partner who will
aid
that priority, who will be a means
of upholding that priority,
that wants your soul
to be returned to Allah in its best
possible state.
You want someone who, who
whose focus in the marriage
is that you when you leave this world,
you leave this world, having been ever so
close to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. You leave
this world with mountains of good deeds. You
leave this world having had the best of
character.
You leave this world having done your best
in all of your roles. You want a
spouse who champions you, who who who pushes
you
towards
all of that.
When you know that your soul
comes first,
who are you looking at more?
Who are you more concerned about before you
get married in the in the pursuit of
finding a spouse when your soul is your
absolute priority?
Who
are you more concerned about? Is it the
potential spouse?
I would say no.
When your soul is at the forefront, your
soul and its relationship with Allah is at
the forefront
of your life,
and even this process of wanting to find
a spouse,
then you'll be looking more at yourself
than
your
than the spouse that you're seeking.
You'll be asking yourself, am I actually ready?
Am I actually ready
to embark upon this journey
of
finding someone
who prioritises his soul as much as I
do.
And even more.
Who
values my soul enough
that the marriage will be one in which
he's pushing me. He's literally pushing me or
she's pushing me towards Allah as a wajah.
You look at yourself, you look deep within
yourself and you ask yourself what are my
issues?
What are
my red flags? You know, when we when
we think about red flags, we tend to
think about red flags in terms of the
other person. But what are mine?
What do I need to heal from?
How do I need to grow?
What needs to change within me
so that I can
also prioritise his or her soul too.
And you
engage in so much du'a
that
Allah brings
someone
who
will be a means and not a hindrance
on your journey
to
the lords of the worlds.
You see, when we think about the process
of marriage,
pre marriage,
we think about the questions we need to
ask. We create profiles, you know, of ourselves,
our name,
our height,
our preferences,
a brief description about our achievements and so
on. And then we say, I want, you
know, a b c d,
you know, in in the spouse.
But subhanAllah,
we need to remember that a marriage
is
for the purpose of
returning your soul back to Allah in its
best possible state.
And by and and with that in mind,
looking to marry
has to
has to has to has to have the
priority
of looking at yourself first,
as you know, in as much detail and
as you you know, as you look for
a spouse to fulfil a certain criteria,
You need to spend that time looking at
yourself.
You need to spend as much time in
making dua. In fact, not as much time,
more
time making dua for your own soul and
how your
own self will participate in this marriage
than what you want in a future spouse.
And then
I would say the
the the most beautiful manifestation
of prioritising
your soul in the quest to marry
is in the form of Istikhara. And anyone
that kind of follows me on social media,
or has watched honesty talk will know that
I
I I always bring in Istikhara in everything
that I speak about. I I I live
by Istikhara. Istikhara for me is everything. SubhanAllah.
It is a gift from Allah
When you prioritize your soul.
And you're speaking to someone
and
you.
You know, you're you're you've made a decision
to marry or not to marry,
and you lift that decision up to Allah
azza wa jal.
You are taking it to him
knowing that he knows your future,
knowing that he knows when you're going to
pass away,
knowing that he knows the other things that
are going to happen in your life, work,
friendship, you know, family, wealth, you know, all
of the changes that are gonna happen.
And you're you're saying to Allah,
I prioritise my soul enough
to come to you, you Rabbi,
in absolute humility,
in absolute servitude,
asking you, the one who knows everything, the
one who knows me, the one who knows
him or her,
the one who knows my future.
You're up. Tell me,
make this clear to me.
Is this
going to be a means of me returning
my soul
back to you
in the most beautiful way?
If it is, then bring it to me
and bring me to it.
If it isn't, then distance me from it
and distance it from me.
And istikhara
is the most beautiful manifestation
of
prioritising
your soul's relationship with Allah
prior to getting married.
Now what about
during marriage?
How does
prioritizing
our relationship with Allah as a wajal
during marriage
manifest? What happens?
And this is where I'm gonna need to
bring in the whiteboard.
So there's something that I came across
a number of years ago and it's just
stuck with me
It's absolutely beautiful. Can everyone see the whiteboard?
Can everyone see? Yes.
Excellent.
So it was the form
of
a triangle.
And
at the top, the priority
is
our relationship
with Allah.
You can see I'm not very good with
the whiteboard here.
Okay.
And then you have
the wife
and you have the husband.
Now, for those who haven't come across this,
only for those who haven't come across this,
what do you notice about the distance?
Can anyone tell me?
What do you know about the distance?
What do you know? What what do you
see here? What are your thoughts
about this triangle?
VIP room, we'd love to hear from you
guys. These v VIPs a chance. Put them
on the hot seat.
VIPs, what do you notice?
As I've got an answer from YouTube, Fatima
says that they're similar. The distances are similar.
Okay. Okay. Anyone else?
The further you are from Allah, the further
you are from each other and vice versa.
Right. Okay. JazakAllah. That's balanced.
That there's the same distance,
that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala is the priority,
that they're equidistant.
These are the answers that are coming through.
JazakAllah.
So as you can see here,
the greater the distance
between
Allah
and the spouses,
the greater the distance between the spouses themselves.
Okay?
Now
what happens
when
the spouses
work on themselves?
What happens when the spouses
really, really internalise
the fact
that marriage
is a means of returning their soul to
Allah in the best possible state?
What happens when they come closer to Allah
through internalizing
that, through actioning that,
when the wife and the husband
become stronger in their faith,
when they prioritise their soul above each other,
above the marriage itself,
then what happens is
the closer they become to Allah,
and the closer
they become
to each other.
When I came across this years ago, I
just thought it was mind blowing. And it's
just it's
so simple.
So simple and yet so profound at the
same time.
The when
we
don't
prioritize
our
soul
with Allah,
then we will find more problems in our
marriage.
We will find
greater
emotional distance and sometimes even intimate distance between
us and our spouse.
But when we come close to Allah,
when Allah reigns supreme in our life,
when Allah is more important than our husband,
when Allah is more important than our wife,
when Allah is more important than our marriage,
then not only are we blessed
with a nearness and closeness to Allah Azza
wa Jal,
but it brings the 2 together too.
SubhanAllah.
This is this is it's simple as I
said, but it's also profound.
Now
all marriages have challenges.
Every single marriage
has its challenge.
Now when we think about the parents and
child relationship,
or the child and parent relationship, you want
to flip it if you don't have children.
Yes. So kind of like children come from
the womb.
There is no there is no closer relationship
then between
a mother
and
her child.
And yet even that
relationship
has its challenges.
So imagine
2
imperfect people
with all of their flaws
and all of their imperfections
coming together
in the union of marriage,
living together, there will be challenges, there will
be issues, there will be problems.
When your soul
and its
relationship
with Allah comes first,
you deal with conflict differently.
You deal with conflict
with your soul,
and not your ego.
I'm gonna repeat that. When your soul and
its relationship with Allah
comes first
You will deal with the challenges, the issues,
the problems
with your soul
and not your ego.
And so in doing so,
your soul comes out winning.
Remember, when someone chooses when someone, you know,
I always say I'm a revert. I've been
Muslim 23 years. And, you know, people often
ask me, oh, tell me how you became
Muslim.
You know, and I take them back 23
years ago to the time I took my
shahada and the events that led up to
it.
But you know what?
Even though I'm a revert and that is
the moment I stepped into the fold of
Islam,
over the 23 years,
I've had to renew
that contract with Allah.
I've had to sit with myself and ask
myself,
yes, 23
years ago, I entered the fold of Islam.
But
am I living up to that?
Am I, you know, are my actions? Is
my character
in alignment with that?
Am I
prioritizing
Allah above all else? Am I prioritizing
my soul's relationship with Allah above all else?
And that contract
is renewed
again and again and again and has to
be renewed until
the day that I die.
So when your soul and its relationship with
Allah
reigns supreme
in your marriage,
You're going to look at challenges differently.
You're going to look at problems and you're
going to ask yourself:
how can I
manage this? How can I navigate
this
so that I come out of
this conflict, this issue, this challenge
with
my soul at a point that if I
were to die
immediately after
I have
returned my soul in its best possible state?
You will
look at the issues within your marriage in
a completely
different light.
Now
I'm saying this
and I know
firsthand how difficult that is. So what does
that tell us that tells us
that
the work that we have to do
in
living
by the fact that our soul and its
relationship with Allah is the most important priority
in our life has to be a continuous
effort, has to be a continuous journey.
Even when even during good times in a
marriage, beautiful times, great times, you know, times
of great emotional intimacy and connection and fun
and laughter.
The soul has to come first. Your soul
and its relationship with Allah has to come
first.
And when your soul and its relationship with
Allah comes first, even during the most beautiful,
amazing times in a marriage,
the manifestation of that is that you attribute
you attribute all of those beautiful times back
to Allah,
Before your husband,
before your wife.
You whisper to Allah and you say you
Rabbi thank you.
I'm grateful. I am a grateful servant. I
appreciate
what you have given to me. I appreciate
this beautiful moment,
This beautiful
moment in my marriage, this, you know, what
my spouse has done for me. It's from
you you Rabbi. Thank you.
And Allah says remember me I will remember
you.
When you turn to Allah in gratitude first
for all of the beautiful
amazing things that he has gifted you in
your spouse and in your marriage,
it increases the blessings in your marriage.
And if that isn't success, then I don't
know what is.
Gratitude
is
your soul's food
on this
journey
in this dunya
to the
Akhira. Now
I want to ask you a question.
When
you came across the amazing Masha'Allah marketing
material
for this conference,
and, you know, masha'Allah, you saw the yellow
posters
and images on social media.
When it mentioned successful marriages,
what what was the first thing that came
to mind?
I would like to open the floor
for some for some answers to that question.
When you saw
the materials,
advertising,
secrets of successful marriages,
what came to mind? What was the first
thing that came to mind for you?
VIP room. Would love to hear from you
first, please.
Sakina in your marriage. Okay. Sakina in your
marriage.
Anyone else?
I'll keep an eye on the YouTube because
it takes a couple of seconds. No worries.
I have here, I thought I needed the
secrets.
Mhmm.
Finding help and support.
Sister from YouTube said not getting divorced.
Not,
do you know what?
I like that answer.
That's the perfect answer
for me to move on to my next
point,
So in the in in the VIP room,
someone said, Sakina,
Someone said that they need the secrets, finding
help and support, finding resolutions to complicated issues.
And I'm sure all of that and more
will follow with the with the rest of
the speakers, inshallah.
But I want to make a point here,
and I'm so glad that the sisters said
to not get divorced. Is that what she
said, Naima?
Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
Now.
Another question.
Can a widowed woman
or a widowed,
husband,
can can they
fall
under the category of having been in a
successful marriage?
VIP room. We'd love to hear from you
first before we go to YouTube.
Okay. Yes?
Someone has said yes.
Another yes.
Someone said no. Someone said yes. Okay.
YouTube, Naima?
Coming through.
I've got lots of answers to the previous
question coming through. Seaman says yes.
People say yes.
Yeah. Everybody's saying yes pretty much. Okay. Okay.
My next question,
can a divorced woman
and this goes back to,
one of the,
viewers on YouTube who said that she kind
of, you know, she,
looked at the poster and thought I just
I wanna know how not to get divorced.
So next question, can a divorced woman
fall under what divorced woman or divorced man?
A divorce yeah. Divorcee male or female. Is
that the question?
Can a
divorcee
fall under the category of having been in
a successful marriage?
VIP room first.
Staring the pot. I see.
Okay.
Give the VIPs a go, and then I'll
check, page 2. VIP is saying for me,
no. I'm divorced twice.
Someone is saying no.
And that was Hawa,
Tisam. Masha'Allah. Anyone
from YouTube?
Yeah. They get your answers.
Okay. So we've got no. We've got yes,
of course.
We can yes if it made them get
closer to Allah. Someone understood the assignment.
Yes, yes,
yes, if she has become closer to Allah
or he closer to Allah as a result
of it, then yes, yes, and no to
divorcee.
No. Yes. Okay. So mix, mix, mush up.
Mix, actually. Yes, because the marriage could have,
could not have been the best for the
person. Yes and no.
Yes. Yes. Yes. If the good and bad
brought remembrance of Allah, it can be successful.
Yes. You can learn from your previous marriage
what to do for the next.
Yes and no. Yes if the marriage brought
them closer to Allah. Yes because a divorce
makes you closer to Allah. Yes. You don't
know Allah's plan. Yes. But society thinks not
at all. Okay.
Wow. Masha'Allah.
Okay. So
I
would like to say what I think,
and then I would like to explain why
I think what I think.
I would say
a
divorcee
can
fall under the category
of having been in a successful marriage.
A divorcee
can
be described as a successful wife
or a successful husband.
How? Let's go back to the beginning of,
this session.
Who gives you the title of being a
successful
wife or successful husband? Who is the only
one that can award that title?
Allah.
Right?
Can you ever know if you've been a
successful wife or if you've been a successful
husband?
Can you ever know in this dunya
if you have truly
earned that title?
No.
Because that title can only be given
by Allah. You can be told that you're
a good wife. You can be told that
you're a good husband. You can be told
that you do a, b, c, x, y,
z.
You can be described by people who have
a small window into the life of your
marriage that, oh,
she's, a good wife.
She has an amazing marriage or, masha'allah, he's
a good husband.
You know, he he's he, you know, he
works hard towards having the the amazing fantastic
marriage that they have.
But at the end of it, who is
the only one that can award you that
title? It is only Allah because he knows
the ins and outs of who you are.
He knows the ins and outs of your
marriage.
He knows the ins and outs of what
you have and haven't contributed
towards that marriage.
Now
the wife and husband role.
The wife and husband role
is
intricately
linked
to the role of being a believer.
Okay?
You
in your role as husband or wife is
part of
your quest
to return your soul to Allah as a
wajal in its best possible state. I don't
think any Muslim will disagree with that. We
we know we know that the, getting married
is fulfilling half of your deen.
It's a means it's a means towards worshiping
Allah. It is worship
So
if the wife and husband role
is
part of your role
as believer,
as wanting to be a successful believer,
it is only Allah
who knows
whether you have been successful
in your marriage as a wife, as a
husband
or not.
So a divorced
woman or man, a divorcee
maybe,
may have been
a successful wife or husband
because of his or her patience
in the previous marriage.
A divorcee
may fall under the category of having
been in a successful marriage, having been part
of a successful marriage
because they were they fulfilled the rights
in a certain way.
They may fall under that category
because they put their soul
first
and even made the decision,
after much heartache, after much dua,
after much praying in the last part of
the night, after much istikhara,
to leave an abusive marriage,
because their soul
came first.
So,
you know, the reason why I'm mentioning this
in, you know, in in relation to the
topic of, you know,
our relationship with Allah as the foundation,
is that I don't want anyone, man or
woman,
who is widowed,
who is divorced
to think
because I'm not in a marriage,
I don't that that doesn't apply to me.
Or because I I left a marriage or
he left me,
particularly in in regards to to the divorce
situation,
that I have been unsuccessful.
The success
of a marriage, whether you're still in a
marriage or you're outside of a marriage, is
with Allah Azzawajal
alone.
You may have, you may find yourself divorced,
someone in the comments said that they've been
divorced twice.
You don't know if you are more successful
than someone who is married, who isn't fulfilling,
rights,
who, you know, is treating their spouse like
trash.
You may have left a marriage where you
did everything that you could in that marriage
but qadrallahuamasha'afar,
it was part of your qadr that you
2 the 2 of you would go your
separate ways.
So I I I I had to mention
this
because
you can
You
you may, in the sight of Allah,
be a successful husband or a successful wife
even though the marriage has now ended.
Because
when your marriage is about
you returning your soul to Allah in its
best possible state,
even if that marriage ends or has ended,
it was about
all that you did
for Allah,
and that is what makes you successful.
So my message is this.
You can, with Allah,
be a successful husband or successful wife
even if you've never even been married before.
How?
Why your intentions?
You know, subhanallah, those that have never been
married,
and wish to marry and the spouse is
not coming and, you know,
you know, I had a a a close
friend
who, someone, someone in the VIP room such
as.
And I really hope this message
sits with those who who have found themselves
divorced,
you know, and it provides
some sort of
comfort,
and some sort of hope
that, you know, success
success is with you prioritising your soul with
Allah. Anyway, going back to my point. So
though so those who have never been married,
who wish to marry,
you can be a successful wife or husband
even if you're not married. Even if Qadarullah
Wamasha Affallullah decrees that you never marry. And
we pray that Allah brings you the perfect
spouse for you.
How?
By your intentions.
The prophet, salallahu alaihi wa sallam, said, the
one who intends to do a good deed,
and what greater deed is there than marrying
for the sake of Allah?
And he does not do it. He will
get rewarded for it as if he did
it. So those of those of you who
are listening into this,
you have never been married.
Spouse hasn't arrived. I had a friend who
who was looking to get married for years
years years and masha'Allah. She, you know, she,
you know, after a long time of being
patient
and waiting for the right one, you know,
she finally got married. But subhanAllah,
during during the journey of wanting to get
married and trying to find your spouse,
intend big,
intend that you want to be
a wife or husband
that
pushes
the soul of your spouse towards Allah,
intends that you want to
engage and interact with your spouse when you
do get married
in a way
that elevates your soul with your Lord.
Have those intentions.
And guess what? Even if you don't get
married, you'll be rewarded as if you did
everything that you you, you know, you dream
of doing to prioritise
your soul with your lord through marriage, you
will be rewarded in full form.
Number 2,
you can,
with Allah,
be a successful
husband or wife and enjoy
successful marriage
even if you are no longer
married. Okay.
You can be with Allah.
You can with Allah, be a successful wife
or husband even if you are no longer
married.
You don't know
if you will stand on your mukriama on
the day of judgement, and Allah will award
you with the title of being a successful
having been a successful wife, having been a
successful
husband,
even if at the moment of your death,
you die unmarried.
How?
By the sacrifices you made in your previous
marriage.
By the patience
that you held onto.
By placing your soul with Allah as a
priority
when he has left you or when she
has left you,
when you made a difficult decision to leave
him,
when,
she, you know,
when,
you made the the difficult decision to leave
her,
or when, subhanallah,
you
just both
agreed to part ways.
You
can with Allah
be awarded that title
because of how you
interacted,
engaged
with your spouse in your previous marriage.
So I guess what I'm trying to say
here as I end,
as I end,
this,
short reminder is
regardless of your marriage status, whether you're single,
never been married, have been married, divorced, widowed,
in marriage,
still married, happily married, unhappily married.
What regards to what stage you're at,
your soul's relationship with Allah
is the foundation of your life. And when
it's the foundation of your life, it becomes
the foundation
of whatever stage you're at, whether that's pre
marriage, in marriage, post marriage.
So I just want to mention, as I
end, just some practical ways to protect
that
important foundation
at all stages. Pre marriage, in marriage, post
marriage.
Number 1.
Having
a regular,
consistent,
close,
intimate
relationship
with the Quran?
How can you prioritize
your relationship
with Allah?
How can that be the foundation of your
marriage
or the stage,
of the marriage process that you're at
If you are not
reading
his words,
if you're not
hearing him,
if you're not seeing him through
his beautiful words that he has preserved
until the end of this world.
SubhanAllah.
So
don't just simply recite,
recite,
read,
get the tafsir,
listen to talks about the verses,
engage in a in a in a process
of tadaqo, reflecting, applying it to what you're
going through right now at this moment. What
what is the message for me? I've read
this verse. What does this mean to me?
I'm going through this. What is this telling
me? How can I bring this to my
life? Okay.
Number 2,
know your Lord, you are never going to
be able to prioritise your soul's relationship with
Allah.
If you don't know who Allah is,
you're never going to be able to, to
navigate marriage, pre marriage, in marriage, post marriage.
If you don't know who Allah is,
you need to commit yourself to
studying his names and attributes
and then bringing them to life in your
life.
Recognising,
oh, SubhanAllah
today,
that was our Razaq
today.
I need to call upon Al Rahman.
SubhanAllah
Al Wadud
showed me his love
in in the most beautiful way, in this
way.
Get to know your Lord and you will
yearn
to prioritise your soul for his sake during
marriage.
And the third
is
when you combine the 2, when you're living
with his words, interacting with his words,
applying it to your life,
you know, you're doing so knowing who he
is, seeing who he is in your life,
interacting with who he is,
with his names and attributes. When you combine
the 2
into salah and dua,
it can transform
your life
completely. And it will transform
pre marriage,
what you look for, how you look for
it,
in marriage,
how you
are when things are great and beautiful and
wonderful. And may Allah increase that for everyone
who is married. And how you navigate it
when things are tough and when things are
rough.
You know?
And then even when,
when the marriage ends or if the marriage
ends
and we ask Allah to keep marriages together,
that
you're able to navigate that
with a a closeness,
with the Lord of the heavens and the
earth.
And so I would like to end with
2 things.
Number 1
is
I ask Allah
to enable us to
prioritise
our soul's relationship
with him
as our number one priority
before, during,
and if he has decreed,
after our marriages. I mean
and,
I'm just going to end this
talk with another excerpt from my upcoming book,
Ramadan Reflections,
which is available for pre order,
via the link in my bio on Instagram,
alia_umrayan.
And
this I'll just read this excerpt
where I write, we get caught up with
this dunya.
We become so attached to it, as though
we will live here forever.
We are on a temporary journey to our
permanent home. SubhanAllah.
Imagine not only entering upon your permanent home,
but also
meeting the one
who got you there.
For,
the opportunity for speaking,
at this wonderful conference. I pray the rest
of the conference is blessed, and I pray
that this opening
session
places
the the viewers'
souls,
places the viewers in a mindset and heart
set where they prioritize
enable
them to return
enable them to return their soul to Allah
in the best best possible state.
And that's the end of my session.
Says thank you so much. That was amazing,
and everybody is very, very happy in, YouTube.
And please do go in there and check
the comments, guys. Like the video,
share the stream,
and jazakalokeyeon,
Adi Umriyan, and congratulations on your book. We
will be sure to go to your Instagram
and pre order it because as I've said,
it is probably gonna sell out, guys. So
my suggestion is that you get in there
before it sells out so that you get
a chance to not only get the book,
be able to benefit from the book during
Ramadan,
but also get, the goodies that I'm sure
she has planned for those who preorder. So
jazakallahu khayran.
See you soon. Inshallah. Salaam Alaikum.
Alright.
So, guys,
everyone.
What did you think of
that? What did you think of that? Where
are we at? Everybody, just shoot a comment
in the chat. I'd love to hear what
your takeaways were from that session.
Those of you who are in VIP, let
us know your feedback. And those of you
who are watching,
100 of you,
let me know your biggest takeaways in the
in the comments, inshallah, in the live chat.
Great to see the energy in there. Great
to see some light bulb moments, which is
always what we want.
I I want to just share with you
guys because we have a gap. We have
another hour to go before our next panel,
to before our first panel actually. So I
wanted to share a few things with you.
I know that in some parts of the
world, Jumuah just ended, some are going to
Jumuah, so that's why we've kind of kept
this a bit loose.
But
one of the things that I find very
gratifying when I'm planning these types of events,
whether it's a a podcast series or it's
a conference,
on a specific topic,
is writing that topic in the middle of
the page and then brainstorming
all the different angles
that we could take on this topic,
All the different issues,
all the different challenges,
all the different tools, the strategies, the the
ideas, the the the the all you know,
any any the any way that we can
address this topic from multiple angles
to be able to give us a fresh
one of the things that I have found
consistently
through having the marriage conversation since, since the
beginning of the year, since our last conference,
is
this
crucial reminder
that,
we do hear. We hear it. Right? We
hear scholars speaking about it. We hear duat,
you know,
You know, everybody
will mention this in some form or fashion,
but still,
we find it difficult to implement. And that
is what,
Ali Umriyan mentioned and what her whole talk
was about, which was
it being about Allah.
It being for Allah,
it being by his grace, for his pleasure,
and this being the way of the believer.
This is what differentiates
us from everybody else, guys.
Listen. The whole world is in a panic
with regards to relationships. Okay? That's clear.
Okay?
Everybody out there is struggling in some form
or fashion with relationships between men and women.
Let's call it that. Okay?
The problems that our society is facing, we
are not immune. Right? We are facing some
of the same problems, not all of them,
but some of the same problems and even
some of our own problems. Right?
What differentiates
the believer
who is going through this trial of related
to relationships, whatever it may be.
You can't find someone.
You keep, you know, not being able to
get the one you want.
You know, disappointments,
cancellations,
betrayals. Right?
A marriage that doesn't fulfill its purpose, a
marriage that in in which you're unhappy, in
which, you know, you can't give the can't
make the other person happy.
You know, long term unhappiness, in law issues,
you know, threats of divorce, divorcing,
post divorce, remarriage, blended families, all of this
stuff. These are human problems.
Everyone is facing the same problems.
Society's lost its moorings. Everybody's drifting,
you know, in a sea of of kind
of desires and expectations,
and we are similarly
drifting.
But
there is hope.
And the hope is
we have
what majority of people out there don't have.
We have
a compass.
We have
a belief
that if applied, if we applied it, if
we leaned into it, if we truly embodied
it,
it would help us solve so many of
the problems that we are facing. And it
is what the first talk was about.
Who are you doing it for?
Who is it for at the end of
the day?
Is it for him? Is it for her?
Is it for your ego? Is it for
your image? Is it for your mother, your
father, your in laws? Is it for the
kids?
Is it for society? Is it for status?
Is it for wealth? Is it for desires?
What's it all for?
Whether you're looking,
you're in it, or you're out of it,
who is it for?
Answer that question honestly.
Not to say
that doing nice things for your wife or
husband is bad,
or wanting to please your parents is bad,
or being in it for the sake of
the kids is bad. None of it's bad.
But
who is it for at the end of
the day when you sit with yourself and
you have an honest conversation
and you peel back the layers and you
peel back the story,
what is really the root of
why you are doing what you're doing? Whether
it's looking,
marrying, staying, whatever it is that you're doing.
Who is it all for?
As a Muslim,
as a person who knows their purpose
on this
earth, the reason for their creation,
who knows and understands that they have a
Lord who sees and knows and hears everything,
a lord who has specifically chosen
the challenges for them
on this path,
a person who knows that this life is
temporary and that the next life is forever,
a person who knows that they are not
guaranteed even one more day,
who is it for?
If you are that person that I just
described,
your eventual answer under the layers, under the
story, when you peel everything back,
and want you to find Allah
That is the state that we should be
aiming for.
My living and my dying is for Allah.
My staying and my going is for Allah.
My investing, my nurturing,
my forgiving, my patience, my loving, my hating
is for Allah. That's what the hadith says.
Right?
We, as the adults,
we need to figure this out and start
living according to our belief.
And we
we must start
showing up as believers
in our marriages.
Showing up as a believer in your marriage.
I'm merely reiterating what Aliam Rayyan said,
which is that
you come to the marriage
as a means of worship,
as a means of getting closer to Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala.
That is your mindset
with the marriage. That's how you show up.
That's your intention.
That's at the base of everything you do.
Because
remember this,
deeds done for Allah
will never,
never be lost.
I'll repeat that.
Deeds
done for the sake of Allah
will never be lost.
Do you remember Asiya,
the wife of Feraoun,
married to one of the most evil men?
Certainly in the Quran is one of the
baddies, right?
Brutal,
murderer, vicious,
kafir.
What did she say?
Her dua was
for Allah.
Oh, Allah build for me a house with
you in Jannah.
Her desire was for closeness and proximity to
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
That was her desire. That was her dua.
So for us as adults
to
realign
ourselves
with
our dean and the guidance of our dean,
and remind ourselves
of everything I just mentioned.
Who is it for?
How long do you have?
What is the assignment on your life?
What have you been tasked to do? What
are the responsibilities
that you've been given?
What is Allah's
going to question you about?
Make it about that.
Unfortunately,
we don't
we may not hear this. Maybe we don't
hear it enough. Maybe we're too
obsessed with the dunya. Maybe we're just too
weak. I don't know. But we very rarely
hear
us
advising each other to do it for the
sake of Allah, whatever it is that you're
doing for the sake of Allah.
We want
validation
from the people. We want appreciation from the
people. We wanna see the same energy coming
back. We wanna be matched. We wanna be
on the same wavelength. We want we want
what we want, what we want, what we
want,
which is fine.
You can want what you want.
But the question is,
how much of that wanting
is interfering with our ability to worship Allah
through our relationships?
I'm gonna take a pause. I want to
take the temperature in the room. Are you
guys picking up what I'm putting down? Do
you agree? Do you disagree?
Is it making sense?
Because
what
what we're seeing
is us
as Muslims
bringing in our nafsi,
our nafs
into conversations
about marriage
before, during, after. It's nafs,
It's it's desires. It's our I guess our
humanness, if you like. Alright. It's ego.
It's expectations.
It's very rarely
remembering that
this person is Amana.
I don't know how long I have this
person for.
I could die at any time. How do
I want to return to Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala?
Am I being sincere?
Am I a sincere
wife?
Am I a sincere husband?
Am I doing this for Allah?
Can I do this
for Allah?
Because you the the answer to the question
may be no. I'm not doing it for
Allah. I'm doing it because he expects it,
or I'm doing it because I don't want
the I don't want headache. Whatever. Right?
But can you do it for the sake
of Allah? So no. I'm not doing it
for Allah because I hate him. Or I'm
no. I'm not doing it for Allah because
I can't stand her.
Fine. Fair enough.
Can
you do it for the sake of Allah?
Could you?
If this was your job, your work,
to play the role that you're playing right
now, could you do it for the sake
of Allah?
And would that be something that you put
forward, that you are prepared to put forward
towards your akhira,
to invest for the sake of the future,
for the sake of your akhira.
So it says absolutely, it's hitting home.
Let me see what's happening on the other
side of the world.
So we've got, I agree that marriage is
meant to bring us closer to Allah, but
marriage only works for 2 if 2 people
put in the effort.
Really?
So Naima says, let's say they do it
for the sake of Allah, but does that
not mean they are being patient in unhappy
marriages?
Keep it coming, guys. I wanna hear. I
wanna take the temperature.
Good. Good. Good. Alright.
As the advice for going into a marriage
fulfilling half the deen and pleasing Allah, please
also remind each other that your spouse is
meant to be a source of comfort.
Yes. Okay.
Showing up as believers.
Right.
Cool. All right.
So
let's make sure
okay. So for thank you so much guys
for sharing. Sis says,
what you're asking us to do is to
be unhappily patient in marriage.
Okay. So let's let's come back. Let's come
back. This is
for those of you who haven't been watching
the videos on this channel and haven't been,
you know, kind of tuning into the discussions
that we've been having,
I want to make something very, very clear.
Okay?
This dunya is a test.
This dunya is a place of test and
examination.
Okay? Let's at least agree on that.
Now
what we get to do as human beings
is pretty much choose our hard.
There is never or very rarely
a solution
that is
without its own trials. So there's a problem,
There's a solution.
The problem has its trials.
And typically, the solutions that you're considering,
they also have their trials.
So
whenever we're talking about marriage and relationships and
I want to make this very, very clear.
K? This is a a super, super important
point that I want everyone to take. It's
a point that we've been iterating and reiterating
this year.
If you are in a marriage in which
you are not happy,
we need to peel back layers
and ask why you are not happy, because
every one of us is responsible for our
own happiness.
Yes.
Our spouse has duties that they should fulfill.
Okay. Allah
has told them that there are certain things
that they must do, okay, that are his
his duties. He gave them to him. Like,
that's your job. K? Husband, that's your job.
Wife, that's your job. K?
So not to take responsibility
away from anybody else.
But
what do you do
if the person you're married to
is not fulfilling
the role that Allah
has given them. Okay? In fact, I don't
even wanna talk about that that those kind
of basic things because those are baselines. Those
are Muslim. As Muslims, those are our baselines.
Right?
We must fulfill our roles
as husbands and wives according to what Allah
has has given us, which is quite simple,
really.
It's quite simple. It's quite basic. Husbands, protect
and provide, lead the family.
Wives, obey, be chaste, and look after your
family. Okay? And both of you worship Allah
and be good Muslims and strive. It's it's
kinda you know, of course, there's layers and
there's a little bit of shade in here
and there, but, basically,
that's what we're talking about.
Now,
can you find yourself
with
a good Muslim
and you don't connect emotionally?
Yes.
Could you find yourself married to a good
Muslimer
and find that physically the attraction isn't there?
Yes.
Just because somebody is a good Muslim does
not mean that on other levels, the 2
of you are compatible or that the 2
of you work together, etcetera. So let's first
and foremost
realize that there is no quick fix.
You choose your heart.
So if, for example, you find yourself in
a marriage where you've had
children together, you've been together for a certain
amount of time, and, you know, you say
that you're unhappy in that marriage,
you have a choice.
We all have choices.
No one can tell you what to do.
You choose. Alhamdulillah, Allah has given you free
will. I think the main thing is to
just be aware of the fact that
you choose your heart.
So you can either
decide to find your happiness
and stay in the marriage and yet find
your happiness, maybe from elsewhere,
maybe finding fulfillment elsewhere, maybe finding
coping mechanisms, maybe broadening your social circle, maybe
just purifying your intention. You may decide to
stay in that marriage for the sake of
the family unit,
And the hard in that situation is coming
to terms with the fact that there are
certain things maybe that this spouse will never
be able to give you. That's the hard.
You may decide to leave,
in which case you embrace another set of
hard. You may hope to find somebody else
out there who is more compatible,
who is a better fit. Has it happened
before? Yes.
Is it common?
I'd argue maybe no. Is it easy? Certainly
not.
Because when you have left the marriage now,
there are a whole set of other problems
that you now have to deal with, but
you get to choose your heart.
So
especially I find that sisters do you know,
if there is a personal thing that's been
touched on
in when someone is speaking, we tend to
personalize it. We tend to take it personally.
We tend to, you know, allow it to
make us feel some type of way.
Sis, if your situation is untenable,
it's untenable.
And nobody is telling you to stay in
a situation in which your soul, your body,
your mind are being destroyed. That's that's obvious.
Yeah?
But
if people come to you
and are presenting
sincere advice,
are presenting the deen, presenting reminders,
take what makes sense to your situation. If
it doesn't make sense to your situation, just
leave it. But don't take what the advice
personally
and make it about yourself or an attack
on yourself.
Speakers can only speak generally.
Speakers can only advise generally.
So anyone out there who's listening to this,
please, if you are in a situation where
you are struggling and you need support,
get the support you need.
Don't expect to get advice that applies to
you on general videos because, you know, this
the video is likely to be watched by
tens, if not hundreds of thousands of people,
Masha'Allah.
So if you, a brother or a sister,
is struggling in your relationship,
get the help and support you need. If
you have questions that are not answered, get
the support you need.
Don't expect to find something specific to your
situation in a general talk. Anyway, Akhiran, let
me get back to my original point.
My original point is this.
If we are able to
put the ego aside,
put the dunya we concerns to the side,
and focus on answering the questions
that Adi Am Rehan invited us to ask.
Who are we doing it for?
How is this impacting us as Muslims? How
you know, in what state is our soul?
Can we
inspire and motivate and support our spouse in
order to be able to become closer to
Allah
and for them to return to Allah
in the best way?
If the answer is yes, then it's worth
doing the work.
And
the issues in our marriages,
yes, there are some people who have issues
due to Deen differences,
right, or people not doing their duty, their
Islamic duties. We have those issues. Yes.
But a lot of the issues that we
hear spoken about, that we hear about as
well
are, other than
that, are to do with personality clashes, are
to do with personal challenges, are to do
with people feeling like they've outgrown each other,
people being on different pages.
Right? People feeling like this is not what
I signed up for. This is not what
I wanted.
And for all of us who have decent
spouses, and I've said this before and I
will continue to say this, for those of
you who have a decent spouse,
I invite you and encourage you to renew
your intention,
to renew your intention
to be in this marriage for the sake
of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
To show up in this marriage as a
believer,
as a believer who
is aware,
who is grateful,
who is
conscious
of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala, who has taqwa
and who takes pride and pleasure
in doing what Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala expects
of us,
who allows that to be their source of
validation, who allows that to be their source
of affirmation, who allows that to make them
feel good in the situation.
Why do I say this? Is it to
avoid divorce?
Is it so we don't have any more
divorces in the community?
I don't think any of us can say
that there will never be divorces in the
community. Some divorces need to happen. Okay? And
we know from the sierra that divorce is
something that Muslims have always done. Right?
But we also know
that the cost of divorce, especially where children
are involved, is very high, especially in the
society we live in today.
And divorced
couples
walk with a whole host of problems
that aren't that cannot be easily sorted out,
cannot easily be supported, cannot easily be dealt
with. It creates another set of problems.
And so
when speakers
and and, you know, people calling to Allah
and Duat, etcetera,
and even experts, etcetera, talk about
strengthening our marriages,
how to be in the marriage, how to
stay in the marriage, how to make your
marriage healthier,
how to invest in your marriage.
A part of that is we don't want
families to split up.
We don't want families to split up. In
general,
Allah loves us
to come together for his sake,
to start our families,
and to invest in the the next generation
of of Muslims, and to worship him, and
to have a family based upon the taqwa
of Allah. Right?
So
yes,
we will continue
to advise people to work on it. We
will continue to advise people to be patient
as long as they can. We will advise
people to get help. We will advise people
to get support. And I will also advise
everyone here
to start training your children early.
Start having these conversations with your children
so that the next generation does not have
the issues that we are having.
Train your sons to be husbands.
Train your daughters to be wives.
Explain to them the purpose of marriage.
Model as much as you can what an
Islamic marriage looks like. How many of our
kids are growing up in homes where there
isn't an Islamic marriage? There's just a crazy
marriage between 2 Muslims.
That's what they see.
We have this opportunity
to
model
healthy,
taqwa filled
relationships.
And why do I say we have this
opportunity? Because we have a blueprint.
And as I said at the beginning of
this,
most people out there are navigating
the whole world of relationships with no blueprint.
Oh, they have a blueprint, but it's from
songs and movies and online spaces and online
conversations.
But we do have a blueprint
if we simply lean into that, Insha'Allah.
So that's really what I wanted to kind
of just drop in there.
It's this
doing it for the sake of Allah,
going towards it for the sake of Allah,
being in it for the sake of Allah,
and on the other side,
continuing to live for the sake of Allah,
that is what differentiates us from everyone else
out there. And if we allow it to,
that is what will allow us, insha'Allah, protect
us from the fitten of these times.
So I'll give you guys a chance to
share your responses. We'd love to see
what resonates with you or what your thoughts
are before we wrap up our session. I
think we'll have an half an hour break
before we come back again at I believe
it is going to be 12 o'clock, for
our next session. But VIPs,
let me know in the chat if there's
anything that you want to share that you
want to add,
any any pushback or feedback that you want
to give.
Regarding the previous talk,
we have, Alhamdulillah, what the sister said was
on point, masha'Allah.
I've never looked at it like that, but
I feel it's exactly
I I it felt it exactly how she
explained it. Wow. It was like she spoke
the words my soul has been trying to
express, alhamdulillahi
rabbalameen.
As,
we've got people here in the VIP years
who hope to remarry,
inshallah.
And,
Sis here says, how about making a difficult
decision to stay and commit to working to
keep a marriage? That's exactly what I've been
speaking about.
Let me see what is being said on
YouTube.
Right.
So oh, wow. Okay. The the chat is
is jumping.
The chat is jumping out,
so we're gonna have to come back to
that. So listen, guys.
JazakAllah Khayden for being here for our first
session. Fantastic to have you on. Great to
see that there is a, a real conversation
happening,
online.
So if you want to know what's happening
online, guys, just watch the live chat, and
you'll be able to catch up on what
everybody was saying. But for now, we're going
to end this livestream, and we'll be back
at 12 UK time,
in order to have our next session, which
is, I'm sure, going to ruffle some feathers
because we've got 2 sisters who are going
to be talking about whether
successful women
can make good wives.
I've got sister Rosalyn Batool and sister Mariam
Arafat who are going to be joining me
for that conversation.
So
with the large number of Muslim women, like
every like all other women, getting degrees, starting
businesses, having careers, this has become a real
issue within the community where there is this
mismatch between
what the sisters are going for and what
they want to go for and what the
brothers are saying they want. So
our next session, we are going to talk
about whether successful women can make good wives.
Is it a yes? Is it a no?
If it's a yes, then how?
Right? How can that be? And if it's
a no, then what are we going to
do with all of these
absolutely,
successful
career women in the Muslim community who are
trying to get married. Let's have that conversation,
guys. I will see you again in about
half an hour. For now we're going to
sign off, and I will see you in
the chat, inshallah.
Those of you my VIPs, would love to
see you on the other side, inshallah,
and, I'll see you at 12. Alright.