Nadim Bashir – The Best and the Worst #12 – DONT Make Marrige DIFFICULT

			Main
		

			logging, though, saw the how
		

			many Mina Mussolini Sunni
		

			salam Wa alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh this one Leia Han Rahim, Al hamdu, Lillahi Rabbil
Alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala Rasulillah Muhammad, wa ala alihi wa sahbihi aji marine about.
		

			So this is the series of the best in the worst I want to share with you today a hadith of Rasulullah
sallallahu. Today he was sending them were in he says, how you don't Nikka a subtle who the best
Nikka is that a one which is simplistic that which is simple. The reason I chose this hottie today
is because one of the growing issues and problems I see in our society in our Muslim communities, is
marriage has become very difficult today for our youth. So today we have this issue. And I want to
be very clear that you know, there are non religious families and you have their children sometimes
doing wrong things. I'm not even talking about those families. I'm talking about religious families,
		

			mother and father are very close to the end, very engaged within going to the masjid engage with
their community engaged with their masjid, you know, going out for our purposes, they're doing so
much good. And here, these are the families that we see that their children are going out and
they're having illicit relationships, they're going out and they have a boyfriend or girlfriend and
they're engaging in things that Islam has made prohibited. The question is, why is this happening so
much in our society? Why is this happening so much in our community? How many times have we heard
and seen good families, mashallah really good families, but sometimes son has gone or mother has
		

			gone away they have married someone is because brothers and sisters today we have made in Nikka, in
a marriage extremely difficult for our children today. And so today, of course, this this lecture
and this, this talk has to be really short. And that's what I want to do, I want to keep these talks
short. And you know, these are talks that can be discussed on hours n. But today, quickly, I want to
share a few things a few advices for our parents and for our youth. And the reason I want to give
advices to both is because many times when people go to conferences, people will listen to talks,
sometimes advices are given only to the youth in favor of the parents. And sometimes the advice is
		

			given in favor of the youth, you know, against the parents. So that's why our Dean has taught us
always a balance when the Prophet saw some taught us. And he told us about the rights of the
husband. He talked about the rights of the of the wife with the policy, I'm talking about the rights
of the parents, he talked about the rights of the children. Our Deen has taught us that everyone has
rights, and everyone has a certain obligation and certain responsibility. So let's quickly
understand this. Number one is for our youth for our youth. When I talk to the youth, when we have
youth directors and Imams and leaders of our of our community when they engage with our youth. One
		

			of the key issues that we find is that youth want to get married very quickly, they want to get
married right away. One of the key reasons is they want they don't want to end up in a really
illicit relationship. At the same time. Well, Allahu Allah, everyone has their own personal opinion
about this matter. What I'm sharing with you is that what our youth have to understand is that while
there is a fear of you engaging in a really illicit relationship, first of all, is that you cannot
blame anyone for their wrongdoings, you have to be strong on your own boy or girl, you have to be
strong on your own and make sure that you do not engage and any of these kind of things that Allah
		

			has made prohibited. And at the same time, you cannot blame this on anyone else, that you know, this
person made me do such and such you have to be strong on your own. If you do something wrong, Allah
Subhana Allah is going to hold you responsible and hold you accountable. Now, having said that, I
also want to remind our youth that it is also important that you should be responsible before you
get married. Yes, I always advise our youth that they should also finish their studies if they if
they can. There are some situations and not all situations are alike. It is always case by case. But
there are some situations where I have personally given this advice that they should finish off
		

			their studies. And the at least the person or the boy or the young brother should get a job
		

			so that he can support his wife when they get married. We learn this even from Rasulullah sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam before Rasulullah sallallahu ala son got married, we learned from Sierra that he
was first a shepherd. And you know, being a shepherd is not an easy job. It is not like going to
McDonald's or flipping burgers, it is a more much more complex, it is more difficult. It requires
more discipline, if you want to be a shepherd. The problem is some is not dealing with human beings,
he's dealing with animals. But this is where the Prophet SAW Saddam before he got married, he became
discipline in his life, he was able to get onto his two feet, so that he understands that if the day
		

			comes that I have to get married, and these I have some kind of occupation. So this is something
that's very important. We also see that before the Prophet son got married, mashallah, he was so
intelligent. And he was such a wise and a smart businessman, that he was able to take the business
of digital, the yellow Tirana. And as her servant mentions, that the Prophet SAW Allahu alayhi wa
sallam, he was able to create and develop and have in a lot of profit when he was conducting
business on behalf of Hadith or the EULA, aha, so this goes to show us the Sierra have the power,
some tells us that he was a responsible man before he got married. Now, while this is also
		

			important, there's also some few key advices that I would always give to the parents. The very first
advice to the parents is that when the subject matter of comes, comes up with their children, a lot
of times children, they come, they come with this topic and discussion that they want to talk to
their parents. And right away without even the parents even listening, they slam this idea, and they
say, No, you're not responsible, you have to become a doctor, or you have to have a great job, you
need to have a million dollars in your bank before you get married. And they stack up unrealistic
expectations against their child, that the child or the son or the daughter thinks that there is no
		

			way I'm going to be able to get married. Remember, parents, what I have seen what many Imams and
leaders in DOD, what they have seen in our society, in our community is, either three things are
going to happen when you slam down the situation, and this discussion with your children, three
things are going to happen either they're going to listen to you, either they're going to straight
up, they're going to listen to you saying that these are our parents, and they're going to listen, I
don't see many of our youth falling into that category. The second category is they're going to fall
and they're going to engage in illicit relationship. Today, we see that happening many times, within
		

			within even religious families, too. I've seen this many cases in many situations where you have
children from, you know, good families, religious families also, and they are engaged in illicit
relationships. Or the third thing is they will go and they will make sure that they engage in a
halal relationship, a lawful relationship through marriage, but that marriage will be against the
desires of their parents. So this is why it's very important to look at the situation. When the
discussion of marriage comes up, both parents and children should be open to understanding each
other, listening to each other. This is extremely important. The second issue that we also have in
		

			our communities is that parents are usually not open to the idea of interrelate interracial
marriages. How many times I've come across youth who say that my parents want me to get married to a
girl who is from our country, our city, our tribe, our you know, our village, our neighborhood,
parents, you are putting unrealistic expectations on your children. Let me make it very clear,
there's nothing wrong, there's not necessarily anything wrong from a shutter a perspective. You
know, if you want as a parent, if you want your child, your son or your daughter, to get married to
someone who comes from you know, from your background, your village and your, you know, from your,
		

			the same place where you grew up and so forth. To have those kind of, you know, expectations.
There's nothing wrong with that. But the problem becomes is that when you stop your child from
getting married to someone, and because of these reasons, remember that what the Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam he said, number one is he says, Don't go home, or buy when a woman is married for
four reasons. When he when he would leave Jamali her Will you marry her when he has to be her while
he did he had the problem solve some is telling us the American a woman is married for four reasons
her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her Dean and then the Prophet says fall for be that
		

			Dean give preference to the dean. I hear the misunderstanding is that many people think that Jim
does give preference only to the dean
		

			ignore the rest. The problem is out saying that the Prophet is saying out of these four give
preference to the dean. And that means that you can look at the other things you should focus on
other things too, in fact, because if a man is not attracted to the woman, then there are going to
be issues after the marriage, there are going to be issues after the marriage. So there has to be
some kind of attraction on both sides. But the problem is, is somebody's telling us that deen is
what you should make as your preference and other Hadith the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he
says that when a proposal comes, and the man that the the the groom has two things, there are two
		

			things probably somebody mentioned. He says Dean and o'clock, Dean and o'clock And subhanAllah you
know, it is amazing that the person he mentioned this, because today we find people who are they
view themselves as religious.
		

			They categorize themselves as religious families, but they are devoid of a clock. They have
absolutely no character in their life. I have seen that many times in my life. I'm sure you have
probably come across people like that, that people who view themselves as religious families, but
they have no o'clock in their life. That's why the Prophet is saying if a proposal comes and the man
has been in his life, and he has a HELOC in his life, and the property some says that then you
should get your daughter married to them. And he says, If you don't inlet a follow hooter couldn't
fit Neptune fill all the while facade on Kabir, there's a Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa
		

			sallam, he says that if you don't do that, there will be much chaos on Earth. So this is why
parents, if you want your child, your son or daughter to get unnecessarily married from the same
tribe, the same background, the same language and you know, even the dialect and so forth. Yeah,
that is a wish that's absolutely fine. But to to enforce that upon your child, it is absolutely
wrong. If your son and daughter, yes, there are times when the son and daughter does they do come
forward. And you know, and the the person that they're there, you know they are thinking about is
not a good fit for them. As parents, talk to your children nicely about this. Be humble about it, do
		

			not slam their ideas down. Do not just completely discredit what they're saying. Talk to them, talk
to them gently, just like imagine talking to your own boss, would you ever yell and scream at your
own boss, never talk to them like you would talk to someone that you have a great deal of respect
for. And and for our youth, always understand that not all the time your parents are going to say
something to you that you should just slam it down. And or you should just completely ignore it.
Listen to them also, and at the same time, try to see where they're coming to. But I want to make
this very, very clear that what are the issues on both end? I asked Allah subhanaw taala to make
		

			this matter an easy one for us and always reach out to the Imam or the person in your own community
that you look up to. Because once again, as I said earlier, that one of the key issues that are the
key reason why Zina has increased in our Muslim community. And as I said earlier, not we're not
talking about non religious families, even within religious families is because today we have made
NECA extremely difficult for our youth. I ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to make this very easy for us.
May Allah subhanho wa Taala eliminate Zina and adultery with from our Muslim community. And may
Allah subhanho wa Taala make the our difficult matters. Easy one for us. I'm eurobodalla mean desert
		

			como la Hyatt a salam Wa alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
		

			in Muslim ino Alamos Lima de one meaning Mina team one quantity now I looked on it the more saw the
pain I was saw the bond the one saw the Rena was love your art the one before she you know she
		

			wouldn't voice hearing our voice she is the one downside BP now one downside the party was slow on
me now was all in
		

			one heavy Lena photo gentlemen, one half your warranty was the guillotine along I guess.
		

			What's going on? I don't know hula