Nadim Bashir – Khatira – The 6 Love Languages P1

			We just enter into the month of February. And often when the month of February comes around the
month of February is usually the month of what
		

			the mother what?
		

			Okay the month of love, right?
		

			As you discussed as the month of love, and today you shall love I want to do a two part series
inshallah today I'm going to cover for the first part next week is shall on Saturday, we'll cover
the second part, when we talk about love. Of course there is in the Quran, we find different words
for love. But there is two different kinds of love that we often discuss. One is hope. Hope is you
love something, something exists in front of you, you love it very much. After a while that love
deteriorates slowly. And gradually, you bought a new car, for example, you take care of it, you wax
it, use, you know, you make sure that your kids don't eat in it, you take really good care of it
		

			slowly and gradually a dink here a scratch there, a you know, small, you know, damage to the car
here and there. And what happens is that the love begins to deteriorate, you have something that is
really nice, you move into a new house, or even you move to another house and you take care of it
and so forth. But after a while, you know there are small subtle issues that appear in the house and
your heart that was so much invested into the house is no longer there, which it was before hoping
something that you find outside something that you've not really put so much of your time into. And
even if you see it deteriorate, you let it go slowly and gradually. But then there's another kind of
		

			love that is mentioned in the Quran. And that is called what doing okay, like Allah subhana wa Tada
is when the needs of ALLAH SubhanA wa Tala al were dude. What is Allah dude mean? It means an
affectionate type of love is a type of love that sometimes ALLAH SubhanA wa Taala knowing within his
own Infinite Wisdom, what is right and what is wrong, what's good and what's bad for a person. A
person says yeah, Allah give me such as such. Allah subhana wa Taala due to his affectionate love
for us, and truly is sincerely He is Allah dude. So he does have the love for everyone. He knows
within his own infinite wisdom, that if I give this person what he wants, or what she wants, then
		

			this may not be good for them. This is what they want. But it is Allah subhanho wa Taala who says
no, not because he doesn't want to give to us, but perhaps because of his affection and love, that
perhaps if I give it to him, he may become ungrateful to Allah subhanho wa taala. And by the way, I
will say this, that there are two types of relationships. There's only two types of relationships
that when we talk about affection and love, Allah has used this word. One is our relationship with
Allah subhanho wa taala. Because what doing or the word, the word, the word what done also using the
Quran comes the word L word dune. And it is a type of love that you have to invest into it. You have
		

			to take time out, and you have to truly work on it. And yes, there's gonna be bumps and there's
going to be you know, sometimes there will be issues and there'll be challenges along the way. But a
person who has affection and love with something, there's nothing that will stop a person from keep
on pushing forward for that love. That first love is Allah subhanho wa Taala and the other love that
is mentioned in the Quran. That is so important, and especially in our day and age, in our day and
age. That is the love between a husband and a wife. That's why Allah subhanho wa Taala what does he
say in the Quran? Woman it and Haleakala, Coleman and fusi calm, as well as elitist couldn't get a
		

			word on eBay. Unicom was your
		

			lead, my word, the word my word that all co also comes from the word Alpha dude, if a husband and
wife they truly love each other, and yes, there will be challenges. But if we truly work on our
marriage, and we give time to each other, and I'm not speaking on to the husbands here, this applies
to both the husbands and the wives, that if we do our job properly, then will Allah He we will
eliminate majority of the issues today. I'll tell you, honestly, majority of my 80% of my counseling
is due to family crises. 80% of my counseling is due to crises when you talk to other people and you
find out what's going on within families. Because husband and wife don't work upon each other. And
		

			when you have even this whole, you know, wave of feminism and so forth to the true honesty is that
husbands are not doing their job properly and
		

			The wives are not doing their job properly either. If a husband and wife according to the Quran and
the Sunnah, if we actually fulfilled our responsibilities, and we fulfilled our roles is important.
We fulfill our roles and we stick within our lane with Allah He things will run smooth. Think about
it for a moment on the road here. If every single car was crossing off each other, they were cutting
each other off in the lanes, there will be collisions and there'll be crashes. But if every single
car stayed within their lane, and they fulfilled, they fulfill the rules and they obey the rules,
you will you won't have any collisions. Likewise in a marriage, if a husband and a wife understand
		

			the roles and responsibilities and they stay within their lane, you won't have issues today, but
I'll be honest with you when I say this, that it is so sad, the infidelity that is happening today
in our marriages, the infidelity you think that this is a problem of the outside? No, this is a
problem today within our community. And there's so much more issues that I do not want to stand here
from the community and talk about because your your minds will be blown away, but the issues that we
have, so that is why brothers and sisters, these are two relationships. These are two relationships
that we will be destroyed without number one is our relationship with Allah subhanho wa Taala and
		

			this is why Allah says in the Lavina Manawa Amina Salah had Sayeda Allah Houma Rama No Who woulda
done Allah mentions the word would then hear that those who are righteous and they do righteous
deeds, they have Iman and they back it up and they affirm it with I'm gonna solid say yeah Jah doula
whom Rahman would then there's a type of love that Allah subhanho wa Taala will grant them and the
same kind of love the word my word that has been used in a marriage because today in our marriages,
if we don't find happiness in our marriages, and we're going out other places, and we're trying to
find that happiness, then eventually for the most part, we will eventually fall into haram. And
		

			today Inshallah, I want to continue with this that there are three things today that I want to
quickly share with you all, there is something very important for all of us that we can do in our
marriages that will bring happiness in our marriages. And this is based off the book of Gary
Chapman, The Five Love Languages are the five languages of love. He's he wrote this book a long time
ago, of course, the one that you know, one of the best sellers when it comes to marriage and so
forth, but he has mentioned five things in his book and inshallah I have decided to add one more
element to that. So to make his six but today inshallah I will cover three of them. Next week,
		

			Inshallah, I will cover three of them. The very first thing is which is very important, what we
learned from Rasul Allah, He said, Allahu alayhi wa sallam, not from him. This is something that he
has mentioned. But we find examples of this in the life of the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,
and that is when it comes to each other. For spouses, it is important that they provide words of
affirmation. What does that mean? It means to say something positive Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam was a man who not did not just not speak positively about someone on their face, he would at
times he would praise his own spouses right in front of them. And by the way, there's a person by
		

			the name of Mark Twain, he says that a good word can help me get going. And it can last me for two
months, how many times when we get called into our office, and our boss calls and calls us into his
office, or our supervisor, and he says, You know what, I've been noticing your work, you're doing a
fantastic job. When he says that you are doing a fantastic job, we value your work with Allah, he
feels so great. It feels so good. Because you know, you put so much hard work into it. And now
they're backing it up, and they're saying, and they're giving you words of affirmation that can last
you a whole long. And that is why in our Dean's there's a concept of appreciating each other.
		

			There's a concept of thanking each other when someone does something good for you think that but
when it comes to our spouse, even more importantly, husband and wife should should provide words of
affirmation. They should say words of encouragement. We often only speak up when we need to be
critical of each other when we need to criticize each other. But what we learn from Rasulullah
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is that number one, he would speak positively about them right in front
of them, but at the same time behind their backs. Also, he would speak positively about them. We
often speak good in front of someone else right in front of them, but we speak ill about those same
		

			people behind their backs. Ross wa sallam was speak positively about his wives even behind their
backs. When he was asked to who is the most beloved to you. I Isha is out there. But he says the
most beloved to me.
		

			I show the Allahu Aina when we talk about someone who passed away Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam is acknowledging Hadith of the Allahu anha that there was no one who gave me that support.
The way Aveda gave me that support because all the other wives he came after Islam had began to
flourish. Islam had become established, but it was huggy Jaya who went through the difficult
challenges who consoled the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, they got us to Allah. Don't worry,
Allah will not abandon you. Allah will not do this to you. Allah subhanho wa Taala will not just
leave you and completely leave you hanging. This is Allah subhanaw taala He will take care of you.
		

			Look at you look at your personality, look at your flock. Look at look at your character and your
demeanor. This is not the way Allah subhanaw taala will treat you this was something that was set by
Khadija the Allah Juana. years after Hadith has already passed away yet Rasul allah sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam he's providing words of affirmation. Even when a time when when I show the Allahu
Allah Our mother when she was going through the difficult time in her life, when she was slandered
and accused of wrongdoings even during that time, think about it. Rasulullah saw some he does not
have, you know, he does not have knowledge of the Unseen. He has no idea what has happened. What he
		

			sees in front of him is what he's going off going off on at that time. And at that time, even when
he is asked, What do you know of Aisha Radi Allahu anha, our mother, our Prophet, sallAllahu alayhi
wa sallam, even at that time, in a critical time, he says, The I do not know anything of butthead
from our mother, I shall have the Allahu anha. Think about how difficult that time was for ice are
the Allahu anha. And when you provide words of affirmation, and you are there to verbally support
your spouse, then that is what goes on goes a long way. When a husband, a wife knows that her
husband is about to lose his job. And he's going through this mental anxiety over and over again,
		

			instead of there being critical of him, that you do not do this, you got to do that. Rather, a wife
should also be thankful to her husband, rather, a wife should always provide words of encouragement,
this is something that is extremely important. And this also means that we also should praise each
other, a husband should praise his wife, that the good things that she has done, yes, there's always
weaknesses, in all of those in all of us. There's weakness in all of us, no one is perfect. But
there are some good things that they have done, praise them for that. And a wife should praise her
husband for the hard work that he does. And yes, even the husbands will have some weaknesses, but
		

			they should provide words of affirmation, because this is something that's very important. And
subhanAllah, when you talk about even abuse in general, we're talking about abuse in general, there
is a kind of abuse, which is physical abuse, that physical abuse is apparent. It's visible, people
can see it, there's a bruise here, that bruise will vanish after probably after two, three months.
But when you say something to someone, and you create a scar on their heart, and you tear them
inside internally, they cannot allow time, they cannot heal from that. They cannot heal from that.
How many times children even sometimes even amongst us here, someone must have said something to us
		

			a long time ago. One is physical abuse, that we can all times we can get over that. Even in so many
cases, we're not able to get over that. But if you compare physical to verbal, you will find often
that people they live and they hold on to the verbal abuse, because what comes from the tongue is so
sharp at times. And when we don't use his tongue properly, especially when it comes to our families,
it can destroy our families. So the very first thing is that we learned is the most important one of
the most important things is when it comes to this language of love is that we always provide words
of affirmation. The second thing that is very important is that we always provide quality time to
		

			our families. You know, everyone says the same thing. I am busy, I am busy, I am busy. I'm busy. And
there are ways to overcome our busy schedules. And I've explained this before, it's not rocket
science. You just have to schedule out your day. You have work you have worked, I understand. But
then there are some times of the day that you need to give to each other. A husband needs to say
that okay, you know what, if this is I have like for example, five things to do. But if you can take
a one time of the day, and during that time, you don't do anything else, but you give your family
time. I tell you honestly brothers, because of all times brothers, they told me that my wife is
		

			never happy. My family is never happy. But I tell you honestly, that if you
		

			Give them undivided attention. Even if it's only for half an hour or 45 minutes will lie, they will
be happy. It's not about the quantity of time, it's the quality of time that they are usually
complaining about. This also goes for the wives that they need to give time to their husbands also,
and they need to give undivided attention to their husband. So when a husband and wife they give
undivided attention to each other, and they talk to each other, they share each other's challenges
with each other, go through, I often say this husband and wife, they should sit down with each other
and talk about what's going on with the kids know when they have their phones. Now, when they have
		

			their phones at night, they should put away their phones talk to each other, how was your day, how
was my day, my challenges, your challenges, be a support for each other. This is important, but we
don't do this. Even when we're going and we're walking with each other in the park, for example, we
have our phone with us, when we're sitting with our families. We have our phone with us. Once again,
it's not about the amount of time we're giving is the quality of time that we're not giving to our
families. And that is what is killing our families. This is what's killing our relationships.
Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he used to be with his families, people would come people
		

			would come and they will say I want your time. And Allah subhanho wa Taala will say notice, well son
was with his family. When Sabado had
		

			the kind of heilala home, why don't you stay outside and be patient? Why don't you stay outside and
be patient and you wait for Roswaal Sam to come outside when the property is some is done with his
family and he comes out then you can address that you can present your matter to the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and he will address it. But you do not have a right to stand there
outside of the house of the Prophet Salem and call out us allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam just
because he is the prophet of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. And that means that no matter how
important our work is, no matter how important our work is, sometimes you just when you see the
		

			call, you have to just send it to voicemail. Do that make a habit of always, unless there's an
absolute urgent, dire situation, I understand. But if it's not urgent and dire, and it can wait,
then just send it to voicemail. Because at that time, when you imagine there is a situation imagined
there is a momentum being built up, you're sitting with your family, you take one phone call, or you
sit down with your phone, that entire momentum is gone. So the second thing that we learned from our
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam also is the importance of quality time. And finally, the last
thing for today is the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he says in a hadith to her do the Hubble
		

			exchange gifts, I tell you, you know, to be honest, it is not even it doesn't even have to be a very
expensive or elaborate gift. I understand that there are times when people are very high
maintenance. But we have to understand our situation. We all know our situation, our families, but
even if you provide a small gesture, here and there, provide a small gift here and there will lie
those things that go a long way. They go a long way. And this is one of the things that he also Gary
Chapman mentions in his book, also giving gifts but this is something once again we learned from our
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that he will provide gifts and once again, not extravagant, the
		

			Quran says very clearly to our our mothers, that if this is something that you want, if you want
Allah and His Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, then you will get Allah and His Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and if you want the glamorous of this dunya then you can separate
yourself from the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and release yourself from this marriage and
you will get the dunya you will get the dunya which you're wanting for and they of course, all the
wives they said that we want Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam we want to Allah and His Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So this is what they chose, but at the same time, once again we know
		

			our situations, always learn how to give a gift always provide once again it doesn't have to be very
extravagant even something small goes a long way. So be in the habit of giving small gifts here and
there surprising each other. When a timer time and this will inshallah go a long way there are three
more things inshallah I'll mention them next week inshallah. But these are three things today. I
want you all to take inshallah apply them in your life. And once again, this is not only for the
brothers This is also for the sisters, ask ALLAH SubhanA wa Taala to help first of all repair our
relationship with Allah subhanho wa Taala and may Allah subhana wa Taala help us improve our
		

			relationships in our families admirable Allah mean there's gonna love hate Saddam why are they going
to live in El Mussolini now almost Lima Do you want meaning I will not mean it will quantity now
look on it that he was slaughtered in pain. I was born in Ponte Warsaw Dena was Slavia raw Do you
want to for sharing you know?
		

			One Voice hearing our voice you know, the one downside being at no one no downside being poor.
		

			Dean was on me I was on
		

			wouldn't have you Lena photo gentlemen one Hatfield was the one that good enough.
		

			What's the key on all? I've done law hula
		

			nauseam