Nadim Bashir – Dealing with Sibling Rivalry

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			salam alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatu Bismillah R Rahman Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa
Salatu was Salam ala Rasulillah Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi Adrain. I'm about. One of the most
beautiful things about our boo our deen is that it is a very pragmatic religion. Islam is not only
based on theoretical ideas, but it talks a lot about practical things that we deal with on a day to
day basis. Today Inshallah, I do want to talk about one thing that we all have to deal with when it
comes to our families and that is sibling rivalry. See, there is no doubt that when it comes to
sibling rivalry as we grow up in as children, and we become teenagers and we become adults, then
		

			there is going to be a certain level of rivalry that will take place. And what's beautiful once
again of our deen is that it did not just completely dismiss the idea, but it did address it. The
Quran actually shares with a stories that talks about siblings, it talks about that what took place
between siblings, you have siblings that got along very well and aided one another and supported one
another. Like we find in the case of Musa his son and his brother how to not as we find cases in the
Quran, where there was intense sibling rivalry to the point that there was hatred and jealousy, and
perhaps even a an attempt to get rid and kills another sibling of theirs. Such as in the case of use
		

			of Adi Salman his brothers, we also find a story that world where there was actual killing that did
take place. Like it wasn't the case of the mother, his son's two children have been in common. So
there is no doubt in the fact that there is something called sibling rivalry and it will take place.
And not only that, but we should never feel bad if it took place within our families. Because if it
took place within the families of the prophets and the Gambia, then this is something that we can't
we are susceptible to. But at the same time, the Quran and the Sunnah has given us methods and ideas
that how we can sort of get along with one another. And how can we prevent intense sibling rivalry?
		

			It first starts off with the parents in many cases. Now, I'm not saying that the parents once again
in the cases of the Gambia, because they were unburied, they were the best parents you can possibly
imagine. And if it happened to their children, first of all, a parent should take it upon themselves
to ask themselves Did I do the right things or not? For example, some of the things that parents can
do number one is to establish a level of fairness and justice amongst our kids do not give
favoritism or do not favor one over the other because this will settle in and believe it or not
parents. This is something that children will remember forever. This is something that they will
		

			remember forever, even if they become adults one day. So what we learned from the story of
normativity, Bushido the Allah was a very well known story, that his father came to the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and he wanted to give his son Norman, a gift for the reason that he's
one of the closer students toolless wa sallahu alayhi wa sallam, and he took pride in that versus
his other children. They were not so much close to the Prophet sallallahu reo, some as Norman was.
So you thought that you know what, let me let me reward my son. And not only that, but he wanted to
gain the blessings of us who also allow ourselves in giving this gift. But the very first thing the
		

			problem was something he asked was that are you giving only no Amanda give or you're giving everyone
else. And the father responded that I'm giving only Norman and that is when the problem was some he
recommended the father of namana. He said that this is not something that I want to be part of.
Because if the prophet was part of this process, it is his own approval is somewhat his approval,
that the fact that one father is giving something and he's favoring one over the other and giving
something, then perhaps this can become a trend down the road. And the problem is and he put a stop
to that. So that's why it's very important when it comes to our children that we try to give them if
		

			we're going to give a gift, a particular gift, a very expensive gift and making sure that we give
all of our children and the equal amount. Another thing that's very important for the parents to do
when it comes to our children in order to prevent the sibling rivalry and the hatred amongst the
siblings is to make sure that we are fair across the board. Now I will say something that may really
cause some you know, I may step on toes on some toes over here, but it is the reality is the truth
and that's why I'm mentioning this, you know Subhanallah when it comes to our girls, we make sure in
mud
		

			jority of the families, we make sure that by modeling time they have to be at home. And then when it
comes to the boys, they can be out till two or three o'clock in the morning, you know, you don't
realize, but the girls are going to feel that this is not something that is right. This is not
something that is fair. And let's not try to kid ourselves. And let's not try to, you know, hide
ourselves under the covers and try to be oblivious to the reality. But the reality is that our boys
are not innocent either at all times, you know, they're not always going to be on the right path.
And to say that, well, I can trust my boys, because they're boys, or we say boys will be boys. And
		

			it's fine. If they make wrong if they do wrong things and so forth. That's fine, they can stay
outside to three o'clock with my daughter has stay at home till she has to be at home by modeling
time, or when it gets dark. That's an injustice. And parents, no matter how much you want to deny
this, this is something that if you if you are unjust in this way, the children will remember this.
And once again, I'll be honest, once again, the boys are not that innocent, either. Let's I try to
act that when they go outside, they're going to be sitting at the masjid all night long either. So
let's try to be let's try to understand this. And let's try to be as fair as we can. In my opinion,
		

			you keep a time that everyone has to be at home by a certain time you establish that Justice at
home. And you will see that when your kids grow up, they're going to have respect for you, even the
boys are going to have respect for you, even though you're putting restrictions on them. And the
girls are going to have respect. But this is why we have problems today in our deen. And this is why
we keep on hearing this over and over again, that Islam has flexible rules for men. And there's so
much strictness for women. And so many of our girls are going away because the parents are putting
these kinds of restrictions on their girls. I'm not saying that. You don't have to. But then if
		

			you're going to put a restriction on your daughter, you better put a similar restriction on your son
to now what can we do as what can we do when the children grow up, and they become adults as them
adults, I have some few advices. Number one is that is very important to understand that we try to
stay away from envy. Yes, there are going to be some brothers, some sisters, that they get married
into other families or you know, they may have a good career and so forth. And it's very possible
that within a family one sibling is going to have more than the other sibling. And that's absolutely
fine. But we should never engage in envy, envy and hatred and jealousy has ripped apart ripped apart
		

			families. In fact, we see that hustle and jealousy leads to hatred and hatred will lead to other
actions that people can be regrettable about down the road. That's why it's very important that we
stay away from envy. If we see something that my sibling has, and I would want the same thing make
dua for them and perhaps inshallah Allah subhanho wa Taala will give you the same, but try to stay
away from envy. If Allah has given someone that make dua for them, be happy for them from the bottom
of your heart, because that is what siblings are supposed to do. Another thing that's also very
important as siblings when we grow up and we become adults, is to ignore the ignorance. So Allah
		

			subhanho wa Taala has taught us in the Quran where either Hawthorn will genuinely call Lucilla Amma
to ignore the things that are that someone in early May do. So in a family, we will see that one
sibling may do something that is very ignorant, may say something that's very ignorant may say
something or do something that is completely out of line. And what I would recommend is that for the
sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala just try to overlook it, just completely ignore it, and do what
Allah subhanaw taala has taught us to do in the Quran, and that is from an offer what else have
urgent while Allah if someone of your siblings has said something to you done something to you, that
		

			is considered as extremely offensive and it has hurt your ego a lot. Remember this idea of the Quran
that whoever reconciles. And they forgive, then they're rewarded upon Allah subhanho wa Taala and
I'll finish on this Inshallah, there's a very beautiful story that we find of Imam Ahmed, Mohammed
Rama de la la. It was known that at the end of his life, he used to forgive a lot of people. In
fact, those people who tortured him in the prison, they wouldn't even come to Imam Muhammad are
humble and seeking forgiveness before he passed away. And his son would sort of object to his father
that why do you forgive all these people? Don't you want justice in the Hereafter? And he will often
		

			recite this idea and say that on the Day of Judgment, there are going to be people people are going
to be on their knees. However, there's going to be a group of people that will stand up and this is
because Allah subhanaw taala will tell people he will announce on the Day of Judgment is there
anyone that I owe an order to I owe a reward to and he might well I'm gonna humble says that these
people when they were mistreated, and they were on there were victims of mistreatment and so forth,
but they forgave for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala and they let it go there.
		

			These people will stand up on the day of judgment. And they will say to Allah, Oh Allah, yes, you
owe me a reward because of this idea of the Quran. So yes, amongst our siblings, there are going to
be some who are going to be absolutely ignorant. They're going to, they're going to be some who may
say some really, you know, nasty things, some wrong things, some vile things do things are
completely unheard of, and totally unethical. But in that situation, to step up as a sibling, and to
try to bring the family together, that is a person who will be rewarded the hereafter a person who
lets go of how they were mistreated, and they just tried to keep the Koshi though the cohesion
		

			amongst a family, that is someone who is going to be truly deserving of Allah's agenda in the
Hereafter. And finally, I will also say this, there are times when, you know, you try to do
everything you can in your power and your capacity, and just and nothing works. And no one wants to
talk to you in the siblings don't want to forgive each other. And that case, there's nothing you can
do about that but just to make dua for them. Because at the end of the day, you did what you have to
do in your capacity and you leave the rest to the hands of Allah subhanho wa Taala I ask Allah
subhanho wa Taala to keep the harmony between our families. I ask Allah subhana wa to keep the
		

			harmony between siblings and may Allah subhanho wa Taala in every single family, bring the hearts of
the siblings together and keep them reunited inshallah especially after their parents have departed
from this dunya in this world, Amina but the enemy does not going to lie it as salam Wa alaykum
Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.
		

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