Mustafa Khattab – Marriage As A Blessing
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AI: Transcript ©
I bear witness that Muhammad salallahu alaihi wa
sallam peace be upon him is the seal
of the prophets and the final messenger to
all of humanity. Whoever Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
guides, there is none to misguide. And whoever
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala leaves to stray, there
is none to guide the light.
So I do a lot of counseling, marriage
counseling and divorce counseling and so on and
so forth.
And as I said before, all the problems
come to my office, Imam al Mashek.
So I have to deal a lot of
with a lot of issues related to marriage
and divorce and kids and so on and
so forth.
So people always come to me, and I've
seen
arise in the number of these counselings and
people coming for divorce.
So this is why I I see the
need to give some Khutbaz about,
what it means to be married, the significance
and the importance of marriage in Islam,
and
what it takes to have a successful marriage,
then we'll talk inshallah in the month of
October about
why families collapse and why marriages happen in
the Muslim community. So in order for us
to avoid these problems
and to start her healthy families,
So today, inshallah, we'll focus on
the importance and the significance of marriage or
I should call it the blessing of marriage
in Islam.
So I'm gonna start the story from the
beginning. We know the story of Adam, alayhis
salaam, which is mentioned repeatedly in the Quran,
in Surah Baqarah, and other places. And the
story is also mentioned in the bible for
those who,
because I know some are here for observation.
None Muslims will come for observation,
during Jummah. So the story is there, Adam
alaihis salam was in Jannah in the garden,
and he was surrounded by Malaika all the
time,
and the free food, the weather was nice,
he didn't have to deal with 30 minuteus
in the winter like Edmonton,
and he didn't have to deal with the
hot summer, and he didn't have to deal
with mosquitoes, he didn't have to pay taxes,
he didn't have to deal with sickness. Nothing
of that sort.
It's a perfect life as Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala calls it in the Quran.
But Adam, alaihis salam, according to an authentic
hadith, Islamic Muslim, is still Hashim was not
happy. He was not comfortable
despite of all these
amenities
or all despite of all these good things
around him. So Allah in
order to comfort him, he created Hawa, his
wife for him, through himself.
Yes. The angels were were there, but he
wanted someone of his own kind to be
with him so he can find comfort in
in her.
And as I always say that some of
my
evil friends
have some good and have some bad. So
some of my evil friends, they say that
Adam and Eve were the happiest
married couple,
and the reason is they didn't have any
ilwas.
You didn't have the ilwas. You didn't have
any ilwas. So their life was good.
The most important aya one of the most
important ayaats in the Quran that talk about
marriage
is this aya, aya 21 in Surah Rum,
Surah number 30 of the Quran, Surah Turum.
The focus of this Surah is the niyamomah,
the the favors of Allah
and the blessings of Allah on us.
And Mary is listed as one of those
fantastic, wonderful, miracles, signs, blessings of Allah
But before I talk about this particular ayah
in Surah
Rum, manages a blessing, niyamah, from Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala, we know that the Surahs of
the Quran are connected. So you have to
look at the Surah before,
Surah 29, Surah Al An Kabut, and the
Surah after Surah Al Luqman. Because these 3
Surahs
together,
they give you a perception of what a
successful marriage should look like. So if you
look at Surah 29th Surah Al Khabut, one
of the main themes
is
the marriages that are falling apart.
So we see the story of Lut Alaihi
Salam and his wife. She was not a
believer.
Eventually, she was destroyed.
We need about the people of Lut, and
Allah is telling them this is not the
proper way to start a family.
Then Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala at the end
of Surah, the story of Lut Alaihi Salam
in Surah Al Kabud, he gives us this
metaphor.
It says, the example of those who try
to find guardians,
other than Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is like
a spider spinning a shelter,
and the flimsiest or the most flimsy shelter
there is is the shelter of the spider.
You cannot protect them from rain, you cannot
protect them from the wind, and so on
and so forth.
Some of the alamah say there is also
another way of understanding this ayah.
The spider builds a house or a home
so it can live with a mate and
the kids.
And in the animal kingdom,
the family of a spider is probably the
weakest and and the most broken up mizdah
families. Why? Because in some species, in the
spider
spider kingdom,
after mating,
the wife would eat her husband up. And
when the kids grow, they eat them up,
like the black widow and so on and
so forth. There are videos there from, National
Geographic, and you can look into it. So
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is giving us this
as an example of a broken family. He
cannot survive
because there is no
Mawatta al Rahmah, which is mentioned in the
next ayah Surat Arum about
what it takes to start a good successful
family.
This ayah, the focus of the talk from,
chapter 30 of the Quran, ayah 21.
So Allah
talks about broken family in surah 29, then
he talks about
the blessing of marriage in Surah 30. Then
he talks about
Luqman, alayhis salam, and how he's taking care
of his family, teaching his son in Surah
31, Surah Luqman.
So this is the connection, a quick connection
between the 3 Surahs.
So now Surah 30, Surah Turum, Allah
is talking about several
favors and several blessings and signs of the
models of this creation. So Allah
says, for example,
and
One of the signs of Allah
is that He created you, your father Adam,
from dust, and behold, you become human beings
spreading over the earth. So this is one
of the favors of Allah, the creation of
the human,
race.
Another favor,
Another
marvel of Allah's creation
is the creation of the heavens and the
earth,
and the diversity of the languages you speak
and your colors.
This is a favor from Allah
because diversity
is listed in the Surah as one of
the favors of Allah.
This shows the power of the creator,
that he creates the African, he creates the
Asian, he creates the European, he creates the
European, he creates the Latinos, and so on
and so forth, and the different colors and
the different shapes.
This diversity
shows the artistry
or the perfection of the making of Allah
Subhanahu Wa'ala.
He is the master creator.
He can create different shapes, different forms, different
colors, and in the tongues you speak will
come from Adam, alayhis salam 1, but you
see our different colors here? You don't see
it because you're facing me.
All you see is black hair, but I
see it from here. I see a mosaic.
I see a very diverse community. I see
people from at least 40, 45 different nationalities
represented here,
from Asia, Africa, Europe, Latin America, and so
on and so forth. So Allah
is listening this as another favor of his
creation. Otherwise,
if we all look the same, if we
speak the same language, if we eat Biryani
every day,
if we have one culture, this life would
be boring. Not that I'm saying that Biryani
is boring. I love Biryani, but if we
do everything, it's gonna be very routine
kind of life is not is not good.
But our diversity is one of the,
favors of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala, which is
usually abused by some people.
Allah
talks about the universe.
One of the great signs of Allah
is that the universe,
the earth, and everything else, they persist by
his command.
They're systematic. The sun comes out in the
east in the morning and sits in the
west and so on and so forth.
And then he talks about the rain and
how it survives the earth and so on
and so forth. Then one of the favors,
wamin aayati and khalaqalakum
min amfusikum as well. One of the great
signs, miracles, favors of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
is that he created for you spouses.
So it is listed the fact that Allah
created for you a wife or for the
sisters,
a husband.
This is listed as another favor just like
the creation of the universe, the sun, the
moon, and the stars, and so on and
so forth. It's a great favor.
Favor. So you find comfort in them.
So marriage should be a sort of comfort
for the husband and the wife. And, subhanallah,
look at the wording of the Quran.
From
your nafs.
And this is why I remember a ruling
in the Hanafi, madhab. I studied Hanafi, madhab
mainly, but I also studied Shafi'i, Maliki, and
Ahmad
later.
When the imam was asked, the Imam was
asked, can someone give zakat to his wife?
He said, no. You don't give zakat to
your wife because Allah subhanahu wa'ala said that
your wife is your like your nafs, and
you don't give zakat to yourself. Allah says,
bi amfussikum. He gave you a wife or
from yourself.
So you don't give zakah to yourself. You
don't take zakah from the rakid right pocket
and put it in the left pocket because
when you get married, you and your wife,
you become 1. You don't give zakah to
yourself. Wahaalam minhikmati
waHimawla.
So this is a favor from Allah
There are also says,
if you want the marriage to succeed,
you have to have 2 things.
It is difficult to find 2 words in
English to translate,
so I usually use 4 English words to
translate.
Love,
respect,
compassion, and mercy.
This is the easiest
or the closest meaning in the English language.
And for you to achieve
compassion and mercy, love and respect in the
relationship,
look at the example of Muhammad Sallal
and his marriage to Khadija
So the prophet was married to Khadija for
many years.
And in Bukhay, it says,
The prophet
was there.
He was the embodiment of Mawada al Wama.
He was in the service of his family.
He cared. He had compassion. He had love
and mercy, and he cared about his family.
He was in the service of his family.
He didn't sit around and order people around
him, do this, do that, do that. No.
The prophet was in the service of his
family. He was a member of the family.
So when it was time to milk the
co the goat, he will milk the goat,
Clean the house, patch his shoes, and so
on and so forth. He would take care
of the house just like everyone else.
He didn't stay outside most of the day,
then when he comes home, he just he
just on Facebook. No. He was a member
of the family. He cared about people.
And this is why they loved him so
much. And on the other hand, hadith hadith
hadith hadith hadith hadith and had fulfilled her
obligation of Mawatta Al Rama. You also look
at this hadith
alaihis salam came to the prophet
and said,
Khadija
will come to you in a few moments,
and she has some food with her.
When she comes to to you, tell her
that Allah
is giving her salam from him and from
me, Jibreel alaihi salaam, and give her the
good news with a house in Jannah, a
palace in Jannah made of pearls,
minqasat, min pearls.
And in this house, there will be no
noise,
and there's no shouting, and she will not
get tired in this house. And the ulama,
in their explanation of this hadith, Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala is paying her in kind
because she didn't raise her voice to the
prophet
ever,
and she never made him tired tired in
the house, or she never asked him to
do something beyond her his means.
Like, if he could afford a house,
for, rent, she didn't force him to buy
a house or mortgage, for example.
If he had a 2, 3 bedroom house,
she didn't ask for 5 just because her
sister had a 5 room house. If he
did, if he had a $7,000
car, she didn't force him to buy a
$30,000
car just like her neighbor.
She didn't force him to live beyond their
means.
And this is one of the, Mawlada al
Wahma in in the house.
So Mawlada
la Sakhabafihi
walada. She will not get tired in this
house,
and there would be no noise in the
house because she never raised her voice or
husband,
or she never fought with him.
Right? Because there was Muwata and Rahma in
the relationship. I remember
there was this
story,
one of the neighbors,
he asked his neighbor,
you guys always fight. I hear it every
night.
I like the rhyme.
So we fight every night. I hear the
screaming and the shouting and the fighting in
the house, but last night something strange happened.
I heard the fighting, then I heard some
noise, like some there was a crash, something
fell from the second floor. What happened?
Of course, the neighbor is Muzzeem shouldn't ask
this question. It's none of your business. They
should talk to the imam or a councilor,
someone to solve the problem. He said, well,
they're shouting. This is the normal fight that
we have. Then the boom, the crash, like,
something fell from the second floor.
She threw my clothes in the street.
So he said, SubhanAllah, it seems like a
heavy object was there because the crash, the
magnitude of the crash, this does not sound
like clothes. She she threw your clothes in
the street, but the crash was so big,
he said, because I was inside the close.
This is what happened.
So Khadija
made the life of the prophet
easy, and she did not did not give
him
a hard time.
The easiest way to achieve Mawaddah Ar Rahma
and always remember these words. Mawadah Al Rahmah
means that you love each other,
sacrifice to make each other happy, forgive each
other.
Always keep in your mind that we are
human beings. We make mistakes all the time.
So if you are not perfect, you don't
expect your husband or wife to be perfect.
So we have to overlook and forgive
because you will not find any house in
this world
that didn't have issues and disagreements and so
on and so forth. Even if you read
about
the Sahadar of war alayim, they have issues
with one another,
husband and wife. And even the prophet salaam
in the marriage,
you see the story of Hafsa alayla a'la.
They have discussions, and they have disagreements, and
so on and so forth. But the prophet
salaam was gracious, and he was compassionate and
kind, and the issues were resolved. We are
human beings.
The easiest way to achieve this compassion and
mercy,
this is the equation, the formula, if you
want to achieve muhadda and rahma
in a marriage.
If you have a sister,
please make sure you treat your wife the
same way you like your sister to be
treated by your husband,
with respect
and kindness and and and grace
and dignity.
And if the sisters here, if if you
have a brother, treat your husband the same
way you like your old brother to be
treated by his wife, with dignity and respect.
This is the easiest way to achieve Muadda
and Rahma in the relationship.
So now Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is telling
us in this ayah from Surah,
Rum,
ayah of a 21 from Surah 30, Tar
Rum.
If there is no
Mawardah and Rahmah, love, respect, compassion, and mercy
in the relationship, there is no guarantee from
me that the marriage will succeed. If you
have Mawanda and Rahmah, you have my guarantees.
So what happens when you don't have Mawanda
and Rahmah in the relationships? You are fighting
all the time,
disagreements,
backbiting.
She's calling her family every day to report.
He's calling his mom every day to report.
And once people come in,
for sure, the marriage will collapse because not
everyone
comes to counseling
with a good intention. Because sometimes brothers and
sisters are are jealous of each other. I
don't have to tell you about the story
of Yusuf Alaihi Salam and his brothers. They
were jealous of him, and and so on
and so forth.
And the 2 sons of Adam, Alaihi Salam,
Habir and Kabir. Everyone knows the stories. Even
brothers and sisters are jealous of each other.
So when you bring someone into the, you
know, the conflict,
maybe they are not coming with good intentions,
and they add fuel to the fire to
to make the situation
explosive.
Another thing that I always advise people who
listen to this in the second Qubba InshaAllah,
we ask Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala to give
us blessed and successful marriages.
So in the last 2,
minutes of the life of the Khutba, before
I begin, Shaula, I would like to ask
you kindly to move up. People are waiting
outside.
Move up a little bit, please, inshallah.
I will pray in the front so you'll
have an extra line here inshallah. So move
up a little bit, please.
When you marry someone,
this is another reason why people fight in
the marriage. When you marry
someone, you have to love and respect them,
treat them with kindness and respect along with
their families.
If you marry a sister, respect her family.
If you marry a brother, respect him and
his family.
And this is why one of the reasons
why marriages collapse and fights happen. This brother,
after marriage,
you know,
your dad abused me during engagement.
During the, you know, the marriage, he's asking
for gold, he's asking for this, for that,
for that.
A bunch of chores, don't go there, don't
even talk to them.
And the wife was there, her husband, you
say you are giving a lot of money
to your mom and dad and your brothers
and sisters and so on and so forth.
Don't don't provide for them.
So these fights happen because of some reasons
like this. When you marry someone, you are
made an entire family, not just one person,
and show respect to them as well as
your spouse.
So in conclusion, I'm not I'm gonna conclude
with this story. Everyone loves stories,
about the lack of Muwaddah and Rahmah. This
is one of my favorite,
stories that I always tell when I go,
to marry someone
off, not me getting married, when I go
and marry someone, 2 people are getting married,
so I marry them. I always give them
this piece of, naseihah,
and at the end, I tell them this
story to show and illustrate
the meaning of the lack of Mo'ad and
Laman.
So there was this story, and according to
this story, it happened in Egypt. I know
I see some Egyptians in the room,
and and one thing you have figured out
about Egyptians,
by now is that we like to joke
all the time. Egyptians. I'm not picking on
Egyptians or anything because personally, I'm Egyptian too.
So
we like to joke all the time because
there are so many problems in our lives.
If we don't joke, we just explode and
die. So this is why we like to
joke all the time. So there was this
story of this man, he's married to this
lady, he hates her and her family, and
she hates him and his family.
So they have a little kid, 5, 7
years old, he come one day from school,
and he said, mom, you know,
I've been thinking about this question for a
long time.
Where did we come from? And she said,
we came from Adam and Eve. We are
human beings. Adam how? We're human beings. So
okay.
So he ran to his dad in the
living room, and he said, dad, I asked
my mom where we came from, and she
said, we came from Adam and Eve. What
do you say? So the father, given the
history of the fights with his wife and
and and her family, he said, don't listen
to your mom. She's teaching you wrong.
We came from monkeys.
He's he's a Darwinist. He believes in the
theory of evolution, Darwinism. He said, don't listen
to your mom. She's teaching you wrong.
So the kid ran back to his mom
in the kitchen and, you know, steam was
coming out of his ears. His head was
about to explode. He couldn't understand anything. Are
we from Adam and Eve, or are we
monkeys?
So he ran back to his mom in
the kitchen. He said, I asked you 2
minutes ago where we came from, and he
said, from Adam and Eve, and we are
human. And I asked like that, and he
said, we came from monkeys.
I don't understand.
So the mom said, honey, there is no
contradiction here. You should not be confused.
I was talking about my family, and your
dad was talking about his family. Right?
So thank
you. So I ask the most
to give us mawaddah and Rahma in the
relationship, and we ask the most
to make the marriages successful, and we ask
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala to remove all the
harm,
from our houses and homes. Ameen araba alameen.
So inshallah, in October, we'll be talking about
what it takes to start a good family,
and what you should look, look,
for in the marriage, your expectations, what they
should be, and we'll also talk about why
families collapse.
And the Quran and Sunnat. And we ask
Allah
to give us the best in this life
and the best in the life to come,
and to give us sincerity in everything we
say and do.