Mustafa Khattab – Divorce in the Muslim Community
AI: Summary ©
The importance of men and women being equal and having different responsibilities is discussed, including issues with relationships and negative behavior in the church. The speaker emphasizes respecting men and women in relationships and not bringing their door against their will. The importance of being straightforward and not giving too many concessions before marriage is also emphasized. The speaker provides examples of issues related to marriage, including problems with relationships and negative behavior in the church. The importance of being present during a situation and following rules is also emphasized.
AI: Summary ©
Of the time when I see someone knocking
on my door downstairs in a judge office,
I feel
terrified.
Because
I know that this guy or this lady
has a problem.
Before we start,
we have to emphasize the fact that
men and women are equal before Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala and before the law, but they
are different.
And the other half. And this is the
word that the Prophet
chose.
When you look at the Qur'an and the
sunnah of the Prophet
most of the
Insha'Allah, you will favor a biology class a
big time,
as I always say.
And
number 2,
although we talk about equality
all the time in North America, but
They are different. And therefore, they have different
roles and different responsibilities
in the society.
Most of the problems I'm going to talk
about in the coming
slides are because
people
don't really understand this ruling in Islam. That
men and women are equal but different. They
have different roles and different responsibilities
in the society.
The first one reason
why this marriage has failed is because
at the time of choosing a future husband
or future wife, we don't make the right
choice.
We don't have our priorities at war.
We don't have the right criteria for choosing,
the right husband or right wife.
The other thing I want to mention before
we start,
for her and her family. And the last
thing is religion,
the deen.
And the prophet
says
go for the deen, go for the lady
with the deen.
The same is also to be applied for
a lady looking for a husband.
Because a kameeth of the prophet
can be understood to be talking to feminists
and aspoles.
And if he is talking about choosing the
future wife, it also means choosing the future
husband.
So we apply the same thing to the
husband.
In the other hadith, which is authentic, the
prophet says, if a man comes to you
with a good faith and good manners,
he
the prophet says, if a man comes to
you with a good faith
and good manners,
marry him to your daughter, otherwise there will
be chaos and corruption in the society. The
same also applies to the lady.
If your son proposing
to a right lady, you shouldn't stand against
them just because
the status of the family of the wife
is lower than yours.
For them, this is not acceptable in their
culture. Although it's not it's okay,
someone was wrong if if the wife is
good.
But she is a righteous
lady.
Because the lady is from a poor family.
Allah's
So a man came to Al Hassan and
Qasne and said
that several people are proposing
for
my daughter.
To which one of them shall I marry
my daughter?
Disparate,
in love with another person, don't even propose
to the lady. Otherwise,
your life would be miserable.
I shut down up.
The one who talks all the time.
She talks all the time.
You can never shut her down. She always
talks even in her sleep.
And she makes her life his husband's life
miserable.
And so this type of lady
who doesn't dress decently
and she always puts her beauty in display
outside the house.
Inside the house, she looks like
Shrek's
sister. Have you seen Shrek?
The ogre.
But outside Masha'Allah, she is
sharp. She is beautiful.
In the house, she smells like garlic and
onions.
But in the street, she smells very beautiful.
In the house,
the
reason before I get one is
sometimes,
when people get married young,
okay,
they just get married because their family is
called into.
Like, they get married and some folks are
when they are
13,
14, 15.
So their dad told them to get married
so they get married.
They don't know why
but we're gonna have fun.
But other than this, they don't know anything
about marriage.
So
these marriages usually fail because at some point
in the marriage,
pray?
And the usual the typical answer I made
from them is we don't pray.
So if both of you
are not
having a good relationship with Allah subhanahu wa'ala,
So how do you expect Allah to bless
your life and make peace
between you and your wife?
Another time, about 3 years ago, I get
this lady
from
And the crazy thing is usually,
the husband would come and complain that his
wife is not wearing the hijab. And this
happened, like, 3 days ago,
but not the other way around.
So
if the husband and wife are not living
according to the Quran and Sunnah, we expect
many problems to happen to them. The reason
is their priorities are not ignored.
Are bad. There are so many people that
are decent within the non Muslim community, but
we say that we have the law and
we have the constitution.
The Quran and the Sunnah are our law
and our constitution.
So for example, if you have a problem
in Makkari
to take care of their problems. But Allah
and his prophet or the shaykh, they are
not even in the list.
And therefore,
these 9 days fail.
If you don't have a lot of profit
in your relationship, how can you respect your
wife or how can you respect your husband?
If you don't have this
fear for Allah
how are you gonna honor
your relationship?
You don't.
So again, if you don't have Allah
in your life, you are disconnected
from,
1st relationship with Allah then
Allah will not bless
your
life. Number
3.
Yeah. Different colors.
Marriages fail
Okay.
They all spy it when they sit in
front of a DB.
She always wants to watch free wrestling
and fighting
games. He wants to watch hockey.
So they always have problems in the house.
Okay?
She wants her son to go to the
medical school,
and he wants his son to go to,
what?
Mister Dean. What?
You get married that you have something in
common with the lady.
Number 4.
And this is the sad reality.
In a particular culture,
in our marriage
actually there are 2 or 3 cultures that
I know
of.
Hope,
of course they came here like 30 years
ago, 40 years ago. Be shelved how they
grown.
Children,
daughters.
But they don't feel comfortable
marrying Dorothe
to someone from this culture.
So
in the summer,
vacation when they go back home,
they force their daughter to marry someone from
their culture,
especially their cousins.
And she probably
has sat with
this guy
for only
2 hours before, you know, shave the family
and forced her to marry the guy. This
is your cousin, you have to marry him,
you have to honor my words. I gave
my brother my words, so you have to
honor it.
Otherwise, I will look
I will look bad.
So,
I mean, who cares if you look bad?
We should care
my husband
forced me to marry someone, Leah Faqas, he
said, my my my father is from,
a low class in the society, and the
husband or the one who's proposing is rich
and he is from the upper class.
So my father is forcing me to marry
this guy against my wife. I hate his
guts.
So the daughter of Sossaman said that
if you don't want want to marry him,
then the marriage is not on point.
The marriage is not
So please,
if you're our father or are you our
mother, don't bring your door against your will.
This is against Islam.
If you follow the news, Fox News and
other conservative media,
they always blame
a rage for forcing marriages on Islam.
They think that this is part of the
Islamic teaching
that we force our girls to marry
Also in the hadith, the prophet
says that you have to give the permission
of the lady before the marriage.
And when I marry some people in this
community and also the religious service in Muslim
country, they have to talk to the lady
because, masha'Allah, we have great actors and great
actresses in the Muslim community.
They give the answers.
Okay?
So, masha'Allah, before the, before the match,
you know, the brother is sitting with his
the prayer
beads and the jalbia
and Habir Qajas. The lady is the same
thing.
Every time
you go to the house,
she will tell you,
The sun is big instead of a dozen
bucks in your hand.
Okay. So all I'm saying is you have
to be straightforward.
If you have a problem with
anything,
like,
I have this problem and it shall not
working.
It will solve me the problem. I have
a temporary problem and I need to take
some engineering management
classes so I, you know, control myself.
Or the lady for example will say, you
know,
they will not run away. They will help
you get over this
problem in your personality.
But if you keep pretending to be someone
you are not
before the marriage,
then after the marriage you get,
you show the true face,
the true color. Then you end up having
a divorce.
So people always act in terms of their
personality.
They
that is the husband.
Some of the husbands are very cheap and
steady. Mashallah, as I said before, they match
they are very,
very generous.
Okay.
They take care of their fiance before the
marriage. They are very generous. They buy clothing,
gifts,
perfume, everything. But after
the marriage,
then they are very steep,
cheap extension.
Okay?
Islamically,
you have to provide the wife and the
family for your own means.
Okay? I'm not asking you to live in
the in credit
and to live beyond your means.
Live according to your means. And this is
all of us kabbalah says in the Quran,
leave.
Stretch your feet according to the length of
your sheet.
But if you stretch it longer than your
sheet, your feet will not be covered when
you sleep.
Number 2,
of course,
they,
the husbands are very sweet before marriage, talking
to the lady, calling her every 2 minutes,
and they pay like $5,000
in bills to file them and tell us.
But after the marriage,
you never hear anything from them. The guy
lost the ability to speak.
Okay?
Or they are busy with their friends, they
travel all the time, they have they have
no time for the lady.
I have a story to tell you.
Those 2 ladies
sat together before this land and they described
their customs. And the prophet
waited
for the hadith
And the prophet
waited for the hadith to be finished for
about 30 minutes and he was listening attentively
to every word that Aisha had to
say.
And the prophet
submitted at the end of the hadith what
she said.
So he was a good listener to his
wife.
The fancy house they need and the fancy
car and so on and so forth.
We work 2 or 3 chefs
to provide for the family and sometimes we
don't have any time for them.
Invite them to a restaurant.
I recommend seafood, Chinese restaurants.
Okay?
And talk to your wife and talk to
your children.
The other thing is,
he would mint,
you know, he would take care of his
clothes. He would patch his clothes.
He would fix his shoes. He would melt
his clothes.
He would have just
given orders around you do this, you do
this, you do this, you do this, but
he was taking care of himself,
and you should have some live moments
and live conversations with your wife. You should
listen to her.
Because after a week long of work, serving
the kids and doing the dishes and cooking
and cleaning and all that stuff,
This lady has to talk to someone.
And if you're not a good listener,
then she will talk to other people and
complain.
And we don't want you to be in
this, miserable situation.
Sometimes
at least once a week.
So what what what is wrong if if
you look for your wife once a week?
You take your family out for at least
if you don't have the time to what?
To cook dinner for your wife
your
wife.
Number 7. Number 7.
So many marriages
end
because we have 2 men in the house.
2 men in the house.
The point
You have to show your husband
that you are a lady
you know, and he the the husband doesn't
feel the respect
he deserves as a husband
and a guardian of the house. Of course,
the wife is to be respected,
but, you know,
They will always respect her.
And I would say,
if you are not happy with your husband
and if you want to to make this
life miserable,
it would be better for you and more
You say
together, integrity
or you get a divorce with honor.
So this is what Allah says
in the Quran.
Number 8,
Okay.
He says I'll work hard
but I will make a lot of money
but she doesn't feel
my
situation
and the difficulties
I'm going through. She's always asking for more.
Going with my facial clearance
if things are the budget is very flat
with your husband?
Okay.
Another time,
this lady came to me and she said
she came to my office
and I said, you know, sound like my
sister.
I went to the course.
Okay? You know, at least say sound like,
you know,
So she wants a divorce because she doesn't
think he'll be able to provide for the
family in the same way
he used to when he had a job.
And I said, Bolide, this is a disgrace.
If
from different,
cultures, different
nationalities,
and they don't feel happy.
Maybe because of differences in the culture.
Most of the time people confuse Islam with
the culture.
Like my parents. No.
I want my kids to speak Somali like
my cousins. But we live in Canada, not
me just
speak English and some go do some Somali
and make everyone happy.
Okay?
Fights over the food.
Okay? And so on and so forth.
Married this lady.
And he got 2 kids.
And
the lady is
my color. She is
black color.
The guy is is dark, and there's another
cool one. He's a professor. He's a
very
it doesn't matter.
As long as he is Muslim,
you know, and he is a righteous guy,
then Alhamdulillah.
Speaking of aliens,
You cannot control it. And believe me, not
everyone
that you get involved in a conflict with
your husband or with your wife comes with
the intention of making peace.
Believe me.
Sister. Because
brothers and sisters get jealous of one another.
This is an evil nation.
In some cases, you will find a brother
killing his brother
Okay. The lady is asking you to cook
potatoes
and chicken,
okay, leave the house
because the lady likes to cook something else.
So you don't expect everyone in your family
to give you the right advice
because what works for them right now works
for you.
Ask people of wisdom and people of knowledge.
Talk to the imam.
Talk to the people who care.
Okay.
You have in the house. Take care of
your problems because everyone has kids or her
own
problems.
Number 11,
most of us
And he said, if you were my wife,
I would drink it.
He would be willing to die.
The first rule in Adeboye is
you have one tongue,
2 ears, and 2 lips so you would
listen twice
as much as you speak.
So Allah created 2 ears for you and
2 lips for a reason,
not just for fun.
Okay? So you would talk
half of what you hear.
But the problem is,
they have another life. They just keep interrupting,
keep yelling, and
Okay? And he gave to the prophet of
Aslan to bribe him,
to leave his land and stop preaching.
He spoke to the prophet and said,
if you want money,
we'll make you king over us.
The prophet
said, go read it. Never interrupted him.
And after the end,
the guy finished, he put a full stop
to hear it.
To him. So the prophet said, although he
was talking to a cafe
and who came to bribe him and insult
him,
he never interrupted him. And after he finished,
he said, are you done? Should I talk?
Number 5,
he called him by a willful name showing
respect to him.
Number 6, he asked for his permission to
give him the answer.
6 days.
And he was talking to a catheter.
Music business.
Some of us are what we call the
Arabic
madame.
They just can't pick their words when they
speak to their husbands and wives.
Okay?
They don't know nothing
about euphemisms.
If someone is crippled or handicapped, they say
he's
physically challenged. They use a nice word so
they don't
hurt the guy's feelings.
In this Western culture,
in this western culture, they actually are very,
professional with using
euphemisms, especially with haram stuff.
So if they talk about
usually,
they use
use the same thing with your wife? When
you talk to your wife, you wanna do
what?
Criticize something that is not good that she
made.
Why don't you put it in a good
way?
If she is asking you about something and
euphemisms
euphemisms expressing something bad or something terrible in
a very nice way.
And it is gonna be very useful in
your practical life. And it is gonna be
very useful in your practical life. Sometimes you
can say something in a bad way and
it is the truth. But you can't say
it in another
way using it with words. And I'll give
you a true story.
In the Indian culture,
So this idiot
came here
and he said, mister king,
this is the interpretation of the dream. He
said, you die. Your family will die. The
interpretation
of the dream is
your family will die. I will die
after them.
So the king got so mad, he said
throw him to the lions.
Then another idiot came in. He said exactly
the same thing.
So he said to the king,
the interpretation
to your dream is mashallah. Good news.
Your family will live a long life and
you will be the last of them to
die.
Alien.
Number 12.
Some people, especially
some people,
especially
And it happened.
Okay?
Some others
may even
through chatting on
Facebook and Yahoo,
they just get
They would marry the visa host. They marry
the 1st female cab driver that meets in
the street. Even if she is one eyed,
one legged witch,
they don't care because they know what they
are having, the green card, the citizenship.
Once they get the
and honest with the lady. If you are
coming here for the green card,
let her know that I love you honey
butts. Things are not very well here with
me. Of course, I think if I come
to Canada,
if I go to the northern
pole,
handmade crosses all over, and Jesus with long
hair and blue eyes. Although Jesus
never had long hair or blue eyes.
And
and I don't think this is because of
her.
So some of these matters fail mostly because
of the children
and the influence on the kids.
So I got another
what? Another 10 minutes.
And you have to do this once at
a time. Like, you give her 3 divorces
once at a time.
Like, you do it once today, then you
get back to your wife. Now you can
do it another time at 6 or 7
months later. It is not acceptable
Okay?
If you want to do it, then do
it after
she,
takes a full shove.
Some people think that living separately means divorce.
This is called conditional divorce.
We ask the pastor if he was just
threatening.
It doesn't count as a divorce. But he
has to pass for 3 days if
a monthly period in this time that she
will take a shower 3 times, then she
is ready, you know, for a finalized
divorce.
During the 3 months, they can't get married
together.
But if this period is over, it is
called the minor divorce, which means
she is open to be married to anyone
including her husband.
Bayloona Sohr, but with a new contract and
a new daughter.
She can marry again with a new
married a new,
contract and a new daughter
The order of the? Yeah. Okay. I think
the Hadith goes in this order. I think
it's in
the money,
beauty,
family, and faith.
Yes.
It goes in this order.
And there's nothing wrong. Listen to this here.
There's nothing wrong in Islam if you want
to marry the most beautiful girl there is.
But the has
to be there
in the relationship.
She can be very beautiful,
very rich from a very good family, but
she has to be religious and pious to
make your life easy. And the same is
also true for the husband. You may want
to marry the most handsome guy there is
and rich
and handsome and everything, but he has to
be religious.
Otherwise, after the marriage, for the first
problem you have, he will abuse you or
he will divorce you because there's no
fear in the line in the relationship.
More questions?
Candy?
Good.
Yes.
You got a question?
Yeah. Yeah.
And having children while studying is not going
to stop you from a personal experience.
Okay?
If
you organize your time
and you put your priorities in order, then
inshallah you can succeed with your love. There's
time for everything.
Sociologists
say
that any activity you do in your life
can be divided into 4 groups.
Okay?
Going to the movies
may be not important
and not urgent.
Okay? So you have to classify everything you
do in your life in this world.
Urgent and important,
Yes.
Okay.
So the system is talking about the Ayat
al Surajah on the left.
The first
none of us or by males,
for that matter.
And which with which most men must have
been are not comfortable
if they have the wife washes pregnant
checked by a none of us men.
What are you gonna mist a man?
Halftime, like twice or 3 times a week
for just 4 and 5 hours a day.
She she used to go to
where she used to work, all the people
there, the patients, the doctors,
they're all women.
And of course, nonetheless, she was decent. The
place where she used to work is decent.
Why do I mind
something like this? Okay?
So you would let your wife work. If
the work is proper for your wife, she
will be serving the women in the community.
And also,
if
you need your wife to work, sometimes
the husband has some problems. He can't work
and he needs someone to provide for the
family if there is no welfare
the rabbis of the rabbis of the Prophet
would go outside
in the battles and fight
with the Prophet
like men.
And some
of them would do
they would be the nurses in the field.
And there are so many names.
And that Sheba and so many other names.
Rufaida,
the first nurse
in history,
these are women. And they used to go
outside with the
too young to get married. There's nothing only
a sign when she gets married. But
we want the lady to be actually ready
to take care of her husband
and in a year or few months, kids.
If we live in Muslim countries, by default,
the children will be Muslim. And Al Ad
Nariq Karuna Khaira Abdul
Waideen
Islam. So the kids will follow their Muslim
father.
But if we have a Muslim sister married
to