Mustafa Khattab – Desperate To Marry 4
AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss cultural differences between Eastern and Latin America, including the importance of raising one's voice for no reason and the age difference between brother and sister. They also touch on the idea of marriage and divorce, with sister members having the right to put marriage in their contract. The sister has to pay for housing, water, and food, but do not have to pay for the Hajj. The speakers emphasize the importance of protecting one's wife's moral obligation to stay with him and avoid offended words.
AI: Summary ©
And, you know, they were drinking tea and
talking and stuff, and all of a sudden
they started to raise their voice and
so she said, honey, everything is okay. I
said, fine. And,
she said, I was about to call the
police. What is what is going on? Were
you fighting or something? I said, no no
no. We're just talking about the weather. Like,
but this is how we talk. We just
raise our voice and, you know, but this
is the culture. We just raise our voice.
Right? We do the same thing in Egypt.
We just raise our voice for no reason.
So you're talking to someone in front of
you and
people like a mile away they can hear
them. This is part of the culture. Right?
So all these small
differences sometimes make the marriage unstable,
But again, if the love is there, Muwaddah
ur Rahmah, as Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala says,
these are the foundations for the
successful marriage.
The next point is about age difference.
Personally,
I think it's good
if both are close to each other in,
age.
If there is an age difference, I prefer
if the brother is a little bit older.
1 up to 5 years. This is what
I think.
If the sister is older than the brother,
because
biologically
speaking, physically speaking, the sisters grow,
faster than the brothers. Right?
This is science here, I'm not making things
up. So a lot of people they prefer
they marry someone younger, especially younger sister
sisters, because
this is what they think the right thing
to do. Or at least from an Arab
culture perspective. I don't know how they do
it in India, Pakistan, and other places.
But this does not necessarily mean if people
have a very wide,
age difference,
the marriage is not gonna succeed. Because as
I said,
Khadijah alaihi wa sallam was 15 years older
to the prophet salallahu alaihi wa sallam, and
they lived
happily together for 25 years.
However,
if you look at the case of Fatima
Abu Bakr Radiallahu proposed to Fatima.
There was a huge age age difference, and
this is an authentic hadith, and the prophet
refused.
Then I think Omar proposed.
There was a huge age difference. He refused.
Some even say that the prophet told him,
I think my daughter would prefer if you
don't marry another wife.
So they agreed at the time, I'm not
sure if the hadith is authentic or no,
at the time of the marriage that he's
not going to marry another one. Right? And
this is why after, Fatima del Lana passed
away, Aley del Lana got married,
again, or I think he got married to
more than one.
So the sisters have the right to put
their in this in their marriage contract.
This is your right to put in the
marriage contract. You are not allowed to marry
another wife.
Right? Since we are here in Canada, we
go by the law of the land,
but just in case you get married at
home,
this is your right, but you don't have
to if if you have this right, it
doesn't mean you should use it. But in
some cases,
it's up to the sister to put something
like this in her contract
that,
you're not allowed to marry another wife. This
is your right to request this in the
marriage contract.
Allahu alaihi.
I think we should leave now and give
you some time for questions and there's a
third part we can talk about next time
insha'Allah.
Questions?
So if he breaks this contract, does that
mean that there's a lot of stuff, right?
That the lack of action happens?
If the husband doesn't practice?
No. Like if he marries another wife and
and she put it back in the contract.
Yes. She has the right to ask for
divorce
because he
he violated the condition in the contract.
This is one of the things that the
sisters don't know about, that she has the
right to put something like this in her
marriage contract.
Yeah. All the brothers are mad now.
Can we turn off the camera? Because I
don't want to go to jail.
Turn it off. Did you? Yeah.
Type. English.
If someone's
permission
is not required, their knowledge is not required
either.
So which means,
the husband
religiously,
technically
does not have to ask for permission
from his wife to get married to another
lady.
He he doesn't have to ask.
Unless she put it in the contract. Right?
But he has a moral and ethical obligation
to tell his wife. So there's no religious
obligation, but there's a moral obligation
to tell his wife. Otherwise, if if she
finds out from someone else or through someone
else,
he will be in trouble,
big time.
Yeah.
We use this example
for Hajj for the wife.
Say for example do you if if you
are going for Hajj, do you have to
take your wife with you? Do you have
to pay for the Hajj?
Well, Islamically,
you don't have to. Right? Because if she
doesn't have money, she doesn't have to go.
Right?
The husband's obligations
towards a wife include,
housing and food and
and
water, providing for the family and clothing and
all these things, that's it. If she falls
sick, you have to, you know, to buy
her medicine, take to her to the hospital,
but you don't have to pay for the
Hajj. You don't have a religious obligation,
but you have a moral and ethical obligation
to take her with you.
Right? Because she has been serving you in
the family, so you have this obligation to
take her with you. Because what is the
point if you go for the Hajj by
yourself
and when you come back she's gonna call
you traitor, you don't love me, and all
these things. And you get the title Hajji,
but 2 weeks later you get the title
of Mahkom, deceased.
What is the point? You know? Choke. He
died peacefully and his sleep. They don't know.
This is what they always say in the
peep paper, you know?
Yes.
How do many families accept the traditional integration
of the family?
Well
Like the head of the founders and the
father? Some some in some cultures, they are
open to it. Right?
I'm not gonna name countries, but some some
countries are very conservative. The cultures are very
conservative. They are not open to the idea,
but some are open. So you know your
family, if you're open to the idea or
no.
There was a recent case,
I'm not gonna mention names.
The brother was desperate.
He's from a culture.
The sister he was interested in was from
another culture,
and it took me about 4 months to
convince the 2 families to let them get
married. And eventually, about a month 2 or
3 weeks ago, Alhamdulillah, we did their nikah.
Right? But I was able to convince them
and both of them were a very good
people, Mashallah. And the two families are good,
but they were scared because of the difference
of culture and although I think both of
them were born and raised here, and no
chances of them going back to their their
country. They were gonna live here most likely
for the rest of their lives. So I
was able to convince them.
So I think,
you know your family better than me, so
you will know if they're open to the
idea or no.
And
when you talk to your family about something
like this,
don't talk to them altogether.
You have to win some people from your
family to your side before you talk to
your dad.
So maybe talk to your mom, talk to
your sister. If they're supportive, maybe you can
bring it to the attention of your father.
But if you go to the family and
all the
listen up everybody. I'm gonna marry this guy
from from,
Somalia or from Egypt. You know, everybody will
be, you know,
against you. So you have to win some
people to your side.
If some people are for it, some people
are against it, then inshallah you can talk
to the imam, maybe he will try to
convince the family or someone they respect in
the family or in the community.
But the god or the sister has to
be good enough
to fight for.
Right?
Because
I don't want to,
bore you with the miserable stories.
Because if if the guy is not practicing,
there's nothing good about it. I talked to
the father
and at least at least he doesn't smoke,
at least he doesn't drink.
Well, the standards are going very low now.
Right? I mean, we shouldn't even talk about
these things. Right? So the person who's practicing
Mashallah, he's a good Muslim, he's worth fighting
for but if the Succah doesn't pray, he
doesn't fasten Ramadan, he doesn't go to the
Mashallah,
what are you doing? Right?
What is this?
Can we turn off the camera?
Well, I don't know if he can. I
told him to