Mustafa Khattab – Better Half
AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss the rights of husbands and wives in Islam, emphasizing the importance of fulfilling obligations and knowing their rights to live a successful marriage. They share stories of struggles with buying houses and the importance of money in one's life. The speakers stress the need to be careful about what is said during the month, especially when dealing with a sister or family member, and to show oneself to be strong and confident even in difficult situations.
AI: Summary ©
That these are the problems we have in
the Muslim community in our homes, and we
need to fix these things so we can
live,
a good life together
as, you know, a Muslim family.
Of course,
the wives have rights when they're husbands, and
the husbands have allies
and so forth. And last time we spoke
about the top six reasons
why divorces happen and problems happen in the
Muslim home. And today, Shaul, I will talk
briefly about the rights of the husbands and
wives and the rights of the wives and
the husbands
based on what the Quran and the sunnah
of the prophet
teach.
Of course, we're told in Islamic narrations that
when Adam, alaihis salaam, was in Jannah,
he was surrounded by angels.
All over the place. The angels were there.
Then Adam, alaihis salam, felt lonely. He felt
lonely, very lonely because he wanted someone
of his own to be with. And this
is why they say Allah subhanahu, Adam greeted
Khalaf for him.
So the malayi had out of him were
not enough because he wanted someone of his
own kind. So
halal or Eve was created for him
from him, as they say in the, in
the Islamic and also some of the Muslim
traditions.
So they say that humans we as humans,
you find comfort in your spouse and your
husband and wife. You find comfort in them
just like you find comfort in yourself.
Allah
says in the Quran,
is that he created for us, spouses, husbands,
and wives, from among ourselves
so we can find comfort in them, so
we can also live with them in.
And this translates to love, mercy, and respect.
Indeed, in this, a sizable people reflect.
Created for you from yourselves.
So as the Allah
says in the Hayat that he created your
husband or your wife from yourself.
And this is in self this is why
himself,
we studied why it's not permissible for a
husband
to give zakat or charity to his wife
because you don't give zakat to yourself. This
is what they say in self. You won't
give charity
to yourself because your wife is not yourself,
from yourself. So this is why you're not
allowed to give Sakaal, the sum of that
to your wife.
We said that the foundation of a successful
marriage in Islam, the 6 things we spoke
about last time was, number 1,
the religion factor. The people have to be
practicing their faith.
They have to know their rights and their
obligations
in the marriage.
And, also, they have to know what is
permissible and what is not permissible in Islam.
That's all you need to know to live
a successful
marriage life with your wife or with your
husband. And we mentioned, the
4 things that are required or the 4
things that people marry for.
And he mentioned this hadith. And he mentioned
this story that he's they say or in
this book of hadith,
it says a man came to
and says, I'm coming to you
to.
My wife mistreats me. She doesn't respect me.
She humiliates me in following everyone.
So Sophia de Navetta said, you probably married
her. She's from a very noble family.
You are from the lower class. You married
her just to to earn
or gain dignity or respect in the society
through this marriage.
Is greedy for dignity,
someone who marries another person only because from
there, just from a good family, even if
they don't pray and they don't fast.
And sometimes our standards go very low when
we look for someone to marry,
someone will come and say, you know, someone
is proposing for my son or for my
daughter. And
I ask them, do they pray?
They say, no, but they don't smoke.
Okay?
This doesn't matter. What matters is they fulfill
their obligations to Allah, to the people. They
know others' life in large form. They know
their rights and their obligations.
This is what we need in Islam. Whether
the person smokes or not, this is a
different story. Okay?
So
how would if you marry someone just be
to become dignified in the society, Allah will
put you to shame. If you marry someone
just because they are rich, Allah
will give you power to you and make
you poor. But if you marry someone because
they are practicing,
they are faithful, they are good Muslim, then
Allah will
give you dignity,
he will bless your wealth, and he will
bless your family. Because as we said, there's
nothing wrong Islamically if you marry the most
beautiful beautiful woman in the world
or if you marry the best a lady
from the best family in the in town.
But the person has to be practicing, and
they have to know their rights and their
obligations.
Right? So there's nothing wrong
with that.
Then, Suyam al Khurayyam said,
we are 3 brothers. My older brother is
Muhammad.
My younger brother is no one. The older
married a lady from a rich family,
so Allah
made him poor. They took all his money
and they threw him in the street. My
younger brother, he married the lady because she's
from a very light family, noble family, and
Allah
If you marry someone who's practicing,
someone who knows their rights and their obligations,
one's halal and one's ham, they will make
your life easy.
Now there are certain things you won't even
have to talk about.
What your obligations are and what is forbidden,
what what is permissible, they know these things.
You would have to start,
you know, from the scratch to start about
these things, and it will make your life
easy.
There's this beautiful Khareq
and in that house,
there's no hardship and there's no noise. It's
all peaceful.
Right? So when Khadijah Lebana came in the
process and then told her,
the good news of Allah, she started to
cry.
In the explanation of the Hadith, they said
Allah
will give her this palace of pearls in
Jannah, in paradise,
where in that place, there is no hardship.
There's no noise, they say because she never
made things difficult
for the prophet.
His life was not hard with her, and
she never raised her voice to him. There
was no noise in his house. Right. So
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala hid her back in
Kani.
So speaking about noise and speaking about hardship,
I'm gonna share a few stories that I've
been through
with, with some counseling situations.
One of them,
a brother Gabe and his wife and because
she was making things difficult for him. She's
always telling him, the sister of Najalah, she
was like a good sister. She prayed. She
did everything,
you know. But she always she's always looking
at other sisters. She said, okay. This sister
has a $25,000
car. I need a car like this. Like,
my own sister,
we we need to buy a house like
our neighbors.
And he said, okay. You want to compare
yourself to your sister,
but your sister's,
husband is a doctor. I'm a barber. You
know? I don't make it as much. Right?
So you shouldn't ask me to buy
you. He said I bought her a $4,000
car, but she was not happy. She didn't
even want to to drive it because she's
she felt like she's not as good as
her as her sister,
you know, and and so on and so
forth. And I I told her I told
her about all this, Khalif, why you make
it difficult for him. This is his ability.
Right? So don't ask him to do something
beyond his means.
So Khalif
never asked the old SAWSaman to buy something
or to do something beyond his his means.
And this is why Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
give her this house where there's no hardship
inside because she didn't make things difficult for
him.
The other sister, the brother came, and he
was in tears. What happened?
Winter time,
2013.
What happened? He said, well, I buy trucks
between
Canada, Alberta, and the US, California
of fruits and vegetables and stuff.
And and she has been buying me for
several years to buy a house. I bought
her the house. I paid the last payment,
Kalas, and the house is in her name.
Now she's speaking him out of the house.
I don't want him anymore.
Why, sister? Tell us, I I don't want
him anymore. But why did you so say
so before he bought in the house?
Several days, I was talking with the sister
trying to convince her and, eventually, said, okay.
He's allowed to stay, but in the basement.
You're not allowed to go upstairs. You're not
allowed to talk to this is his house.
What are you talking about? Right?
Making things difficult for him, and he was
always crying. You see, driving
sleepless nights on the road in the difficult
weather. I brought her in the house after
6, 7 years. I gave off everything.
Now I'm being kicked out of the house.
Okay. She's making things difficult for him. So
this is the first one. She didn't make
things difficult for him. And this is a
good lesson for all the sisters who are
asking their husbands to buy them stuff or
to do things,
that are beyond their means. And the sisters
shouldn't be mad because they're gonna pick one
of the brothers in a couple of minutes.
Okay? Because they also do stuff.
And, also, the noise. There was peace in
the house of the prophet, and there was
no noise in the house. And this is
what why Allah is giving her peace
in Jannah in her palace.
In this story, of course, there are fights
all the time and the screaming and howling
in the house and the debates and the
arguments and all this stuff.
We know the stories.
There's this story of the brother,
of course, Gabrielle Nagy and his wife, they
fight and arguing and screaming in the middle
of the night for his neighbor said, You
have a bad
last night, I heard that noise which I
usually hear every night. We get sleep.
Okay. What can we do? But last night,
there was something different.
All the arguing and screaming in the middle
of the night, but at the end, we
heard a crash, like, something fell down like
it wasn't crashed, like, boom
in the street. What happened?
He said, after we fought with my wife,
you know, with all the arguments and the
screaming, she threw my pajamas from the window,
from the second floor.
He said, but technically, if you throw a
pajama from the second floor, it doesn't make
that huge sound, all the noise.
He said, well, I was inside
the kejab.
So
making things difficult for the people and not
giving them the peace in the house,
this goes against the teachings of Islam.
Now inshallah briefly, we'll talk about the rights
of the wives.
Most of the speakers, they focus on the
rights of the husbands and the wives, and
some of them,
sometimes they don't talk about the rights of
the sisters.
Speech that the prophet gave gave,
he said that the wives have rights on
their husbands and their husbands have rights on
their wives.
Of course, the first rights for the wife,
she has rights in Islam. This is her
her first wife, that she has rights,
rights to provide for her, to take care
of her, to treat her with dignity and
respect.
Like,
I don't want
my sister to come to an office and
tell me that my husband doesn't want to
pay the rent, to pay for the grocery.
He doesn't want to pay
to
pay to provide according to his needs. Right?
And
so on and so forth. The wife has
wives,
financial rights, and also emotional rights.
I get calls from sisters, and I don't
know what to do. She's telling me, well,
my husband is in another country where he
goes to Fort Mac. He stays there for
a year and 2. A year and 2
is okay, sir. I don't know where he
is. I don't know where he is doing.
He's not taking care of his kids.
You know, we're not together as a husband
and wife for that long, you know. And
we know money is important,
but I also have needs. I have desires.
I I don't know what to do. So
this is not acceptable. You know, people are
married
because they have needs and they have desires,
and you have to fulfill,
these desires. Right? So you have to give
them their rights, and they don't have to
ask for it because this is guaranteed
by Islam.
About
the number 2,
the law should be treated with respect and
dignity.
Say that he treated his wives and his
family with respect and with dignity.
So caring for the feelings of the wife.
Right?
Sometimes we get carried away when we talk
about some self, and we don't care about
the feelings of the sisters.
And we know that at some point, the
sisters go through difficult things in their daily
lives on a daily basis,
doing the dishes and cleaning, changing the diaper,
taking care of the kids, cooking, cleaning, all
these things. And on a monthly basis, when
they have assignment of the month, you're not
emotionally stable, they go through difficulties.
We, as men, we have release or distress
in our life, and this is what the
brothers are not able to understand. You go
out most of the week, like, 6, 5
days in the week, you go out to
work. The sisters are stuck in the house
and they have to deal with all the
problems with the kids and the clean and
all these
difficulties in this time of the month. Right?
So and you have a release to go
to Tim Hortons, you play basketball, you go
do whatever, and she's stuck in the house
with all the problems.
And you just keep talking, okay. Who changed
this? Why didn't you put more salt in
the food? Why didn't you come on. Give
her a break, man. You know? Caring for
the sister and caring for her feelings and
emotions.
Sometimes,
in the month, when we talk about these
things and
you're coming from outside and okay. Why did
you cook the food, whatever?
And you are hit with a broom.
You have to be careful about what you
said because
this time of the month, the sister is
not, you know, emotionally stable. She has been
through difficult things during the day, and you're
just coming from outside, like, you don't know
what is going on. So if you don't
know if you don't know what is going
on, you have to stay a couple of
days in the house. You deal with the
kids and their child.
Believe me, you will kill a kid every
day. It's what most most husbands will do.
It is very tough to deal with kids.
It is very
it goes crazy. You know? So you have
to be careful about these things. You're talking
to your wife.
You don't care about your feelings. You start
talking to your wife. You don't care about
your feelings. You start talking to Masha'allah. We
visited our neighbor and his brother, and his
wife, Masha'allah, makes excellent food.
You are innocent. You are gullible. You don't
know what you are saying.
There are hundreds of hadith that talk about
these things and how he used to treat
his family, care for their feelings, picking the
right words to talk to them,
more or not to hurt their feelings in
the most difficult of situations.
You're not even allowing your wife to go
and visit your family or to be nice
to them or to take care of them.
Some say, if you go visit your family,
I divorce you. Well, this is not acceptable
Islamically. This is Haram. Even if you insist
so, you still can call your family and
visit them because you don't they say, subhanahu
wa
sallam says.
Also,
make your wife feel that you belong to
this house. Your house is not a hotel.
You don't go for services. You sleep overnight,
then you leave. You belong to this house,
so share.
Take care of it. Get speech them something.
Right? Do the homework with them.
Right? You belong to in your day off,
even if you have to boil it,
just to show your wife that you care
or take it outside for.
Just show them that you belong to this
house and you care. You belong then.
So this is a noncomplaint.
Also,
if there is a situation where you have
to correct your wife or maybe correct your
husband,
don't talk in front of the kids. Right?
And don't raise your voice or don't,
the person deeply
if if they are treated this way in
front of a family.
So, the last thing,
I want to,
say,
I love, of course, almost all the prophets
do not get their lives to look good
in front of them.
The hair, the clothes, and the makeup, whatever.
You know, he goes without saying, you you
want your wife to look good in front
of you.
So when you go home, you need to
see something nice in front of you.
The sisters expect the same thing from you
because they go to places. They see people
taking good care of them. And Abdullah Abbas
of the law used to say,
and Azayani is
so Abullah Abdulsalahu
Anma used to say, I love to look
good in front of my wife in the
house just like I like my wife to
look good in front of me.
Now you expect your wife to look good.
Majamal is taking care of herself. She looks
sharp. And you're sitting there in the house
in shorts
and the pejamas or whatever they call it,
the white theater, whatever they call it. You
look like a dragon. Nobody can talk to
you. You know? What? No. You have to
be like the prophet, and he was smiling.
He was in the service of the family,
and he was matching his clothes. He was
pleading his clothes and his shoes, and and
he was helping in the house. But it
was when it was time for Salah, when
it was time to pray,
they said he left just like we didn't
know him and he didn't know us. You
know? We're together, but when it is time
for Salah, 5 or 6 minutes, this is
the time for Allah,