Muslema Purmul – Struggles of Unmarried Woman In A Muslim Family

			I've seen sisters who have been in
this situation where the they'll
		

			go home and their mom is actually
mad at them for not being married.
		

			How are you mad at your daughter
for not being married? Like, what
		

			is she asking? Do you want her to
ask for the brother? I don't have
		

			a problem, by the way, with
sisters appropriately going and
		

			approaching brothers, but it's
it's like they they're blaming
		

			them. And one mom had said
something to her daughter along
		

			the lines of, if you were smart,
you would have tons of guys lining
		

			up at the door. I mean, what you
know this is, this is really
		

			interesting advice coming from a
mother to her daughter, even in
		

			even in a joking fashion, because
what does it tell her about her
		

			self worth and how she's supposed
to carry herself and put herself
		

			in a public space or an
environment. So for a daughter
		

			who's facing this where she
herself has become content with
		

			Allah's decree and is waiting, is
open to marriage, but is not
		

			desperate, but her parents are
what I would say is for you to
		

			politely give the reminders about
Allah, subhana, wa taala, destiny
		

			for each person their match, and
that match coming when that time
		

			is right, at the same time we tie
the camel, so making sure that,
		

			you know, it's not just tawakkul,
but you're, you're involved in
		

			some kind of practical way of, you
know, opening yourself up to more
		

			and more consideration processes,
whether that's having your parents
		

			talk to the Imam and the Masjid
saying, Keep my daughter in mind
		

			for suitable spouses or I don't
know about the online databases
		

			very much, but if there's
something that's online that is
		

			appropriate and not disrespectful
towards the sisters or the
		

			brothers, but making sure that you
are practically going after it
		

			without being desperate for it.
And the other thing is that
		

			sometimes, even as you're doing
everything you possibly can on a
		

			practical level to open up the
possibility of marrying the right
		

			person, it's still not written for
you to be married yet, and the
		

			parents are still behaving in a
way where they're upset with you
		

			and they're anxious realize that
at the end of the day, you can
		

			only control your own choices. You
can't control the behavior of your
		

			parents, so be content with that.
You've done all that you can do to
		

			open them up to having Ridha. But
if at the end, they don't, and
		

			they're still sort of desperate
for you or anxious, have mercy on
		

			them and realize that's just the
way it's going to
		

			be you.