Musleh Khan – Life with Children #13 Be Nice to Young People

			Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu misma level of manual Rahim al hamdu Lillah wa Salatu
was Salam ala rasulillah welborn. So this is part 13 of our series life with children. So let's get
right into this. Today, actually, a lot of you messaged me about the whole relationship between
parents and kids, and how you can continue to encourage them, teach them Islam, and just overall
encourage them to be the best human beings possible in every capacity. And is there something more
things in the end that we can look at to help inspire your young people, young adults and our
children in our families. And as a matter of fact, there are so many so today I want to bring your
		

			attention to a soda that a lot of us don't think about when we talk about kids. And that's suited to
Nisa, sort of 10 Nisa is the fourth chapter of the poor end. And it's actually one of my personal
favorite soldiers of the entire quarter. And for many reasons, it's one of the soldiers that I've
taught several times. And every time I teach it, I feel like I've never taught it in my whole life.
It's so comprehensive, and it's just such a beautiful soldier. And one of the things that makes sort
of nice, so beautiful, is literally within the first, I would say maybe 35 to 40 versus 35 to 40,
versus a large chunk of it is all about kids. It's about protecting young people, protecting the
		

			wealth of orphans, protecting orphans, and even protecting the food of orphans. But I want to bring
your attention to something really interesting that happens in disorder. And we're going to fast
forward to verse number eight as well as verse number nine so verse eight and nine of suta nice I
listened to it. Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us what either held out or a piece of metal oil report
about a while yet Emma well Miss keen photos of hoo hoo Min wakulla cola myrtleford then the next
verse well yaksha Levine Allah otaku min healthy him d a town where half Wiley affiliate double La
Jolla kulu. Poland said either
		

			you know what I'm going to add the next day because it's part of the same discussion in a Latina
coluna. And why the near term of woman in ma coluna? Female Tony him nowra. What's your slowness?
Sorry, you're wrong. So you have verse eight to 10. So let's go through this, because this is going
to really help us to gauge our, our response, our attitude, our approach, and the way that we want
to encourage the people in our house, the sons and daughters that we have to encourage them to
develop an identity and Islamic identity, to be proud of themselves to be proud in life, all of the
wonderful positive things that we want. So what is that held on this meant that if they ever are
		

			present at a pixma, the word Peacemaker refers to a place where during the time of the Prophet
armies, particularly in the meccan phase, orphans used to gather and people who had large amounts of
wealth use to gather in a place. So it was kind of like a Wealth Center. And what they would do is
that they would sit there and discuss who will get what, in terms of the additional resources, food
and supplies, and they would distribute this stuff for free. So what would happen is that you had
orphans, people who were caring for orphans that would show up at these gatherings. But then you
also had children that didn't have no guardianship whatsoever. So they were part of this pyramid,
		

			this gathering. And they were just hoping that they could get something like some left over
supplies, leftover food items, and they would be able to carry with something they could survive off
of that. So Allah says will either help out a prisoner or a portable way timer when may 2, so three
categories if who is entered this gathering, and who's present at the piston, they are your
relatives, or they will pull back so people that are close to you, so relatives is number one, what
are the aterna orphans, one of them is second, or just generally people in need photos of home. The
first thing is Allah says provide for them. In other words, give them something. So here's our first
		

			lesson in terms of our whole Tobia and life with children. Basically, at the end of the day, one of
the rights that children have over parents, and this is going to be one of our topics as well as I'm
going to go through all the rights inshallah, that children have over their parents, like they can
demand the stuff from the parents and it's hard on for parents to take this away from their kids.
And one of those things is they have the right to be provided for that they should be able to get
the things that in whichever culture or society you live in. That is
		

			considered to be the basic needs of a kid so that they can live a normal life, including whatever
exception. So if they have special needs, or medications and other things, that's all part of
normalizing what it is that they need in order to live a normal, healthy life. So what is considered
to be normal, where I live may be different from where a lot of you live. So just keep that in mind
that culture and the what the norms of society varies from place to place. So photos will pull them.
So this first lesson is that we provide for them the tools that they need, the encouragement, they
need, the inspiration that they need, in order that they could start to develop some sense of
		

			identity. So how do you do that? Well, first and foremost, brothers and sisters, especially the
parents, you have to make sure that regardless what age your children are at, so we're talking to
young kids, and we're talking to young adults, and even mature adult kids that are still under your
responsibility, you must make sure that they have some kind of routine, when it comes to Islamic
Studies. You know, it always boggles my mind that we trust our kids to go to school, seven and eight
hours a day. And when you're in college and university, it could even be longer than that. But to
get them to go to one class a week at an Islamic Studies Program, or the mustard or something or be
		

			part of an organization that can help encourage them and, and influence them and teach them basic
Islamic Studies is always such a challenge. It's such a difficult thing. And sometimes those
challenges come from the parents, where they say things like, you know, I don't want to put too much
pressure on my kids. It's okay. They're good kids, they're studying, they're doing well in school,
or it comes from the kids where I don't have time, I'm overwhelmed. I need to concentrate on school
right now I need to concentrate on my life. I don't need to do that right now. I'm a good person. So
it can come from both angles. With this a is telling us is that at the end of the day, when it comes
		

			to people in need, as long as they are present, give them something but other than that, the general
rule of thumb that we extract from a yet that might seem very specific that might seem that there's
a specific context, there could be but However, that doesn't relieve the idea or the fact that we
could still relate to the verse in our own way. So think of your home with your with your parents
and your children as a pismo, a spiritual type pismo where you're home. You're, you're you're
responsible for these people, and you have to provide for them. So your daughter, she says, You
know, I want to go to a class, I want to go to a Masjid, I want to go enrolled in a program,
		

			parents, that is there help that if they want to learn their Deen, that we should facilitate that
for them. And, you know, facilitating and finding the places with the right programs is a separate
challenge by itself, which I will get to in one of these videos in sha Allah will how we in terms of
community, leadership, etc. What we have done or not done to contribute to the challenges of trying
to encourage young people to develop their identity. We've contributed to that as well. But I'll
come to that a little bit later. So that's the first thing is fun as the old one. Make sure that you
provide for them. Remember, risk is not restricted to just monetary things. It's not restricted to
		

			materialistic things. It's also that you words of encouragement is that is when people find strength
in words in presence. That in and of itself is a type of risk. And Allah subhanho wa Taala
constantly does this in the end, when they're inside he said them was was born con in near Abdullah
10 el keytab what jaren any nebia you see how Allah provides for him all the tools that he needs?
soon as he's born? He says I'm a slave of Allah technial keytab he gave me the book with Jared and
he nebbia and he blessed me to be a prophet. What's your island the Mubarak and ain't Mr. Quinn and
he made me bless it wherever I am. That's Allah subhanho wa Taala is the blessing in and of itself.
		

			Is it just a materialistic thing that he said, he said, Mr. Jesus peace be upon that he had no, his
presence alone. His presence alone was blessing. And that's like how Allah subhanho wa Taala
encourages, encourages and inspires people that even if you have nothing in your hand, the fact that
you are alive is blessing enough. So for our families and our children, we've said this before the
fact that you were still here, and you're listening to this and you're able to wake up each and
every day is a lovely way of showing you You still have time. We still we still have time that if we
struggle
		

			To provide the tools, resources and places that our kids need, in order to develop that Islamic
identity, as long as first thing, photo is a cool one, then Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us
something so remarkable, which is going to take us to the end of this video. Listen to how alesse
stands up for young people in the Quran, he says to to us, well, who do we let them so those who are
in need, whether there be your, whether they be the needy, when it comes to this, make sure that we
provide, but also understand that this is the most important thing, if you have struggles in risk
and providing, then here is one thing that we can all do, what who do we love, Paul and myrtleford,
		

			that we say to them words that are matter of wolf. So
		

			when we consider single parents, when we consider kids that have been abandoned, or when we even
consider maybe orphans, that that you might be close to, or you might be connected to, or you know,
have, at the end of the day, maybe to actually step in there and be a source of provision. And an
encouragement might be difficult for some, because let's face it, you know, there's a lot of
pressure on parents to do everything to be parents to be their doctors, psychologists to be their
source of inspiration, their coach, their life coach, that you name it, like literally every single
profession out there, parents are pressured to at least take part of that and implemented as part of
		

			their parenting. And that's just not realistic. It's not possible, it has to give way at some point.
And so here, what a lot of silica gel is doing is actually making it a little bit easier to
facilitate our connection with young people. While kulula cola myrtleford just be nice to them.
marital alpha is a universal standard. It's the universal standard of how we speak and how we treat
people in life. Whether that be marriage, whether that be in families, whether that be in
friendships, or just generally speaking people at large, the word one word Allah azza wa jal uses
and the entire poor end, which is called malouf. And marigold, as we said, is a universal standard.
		

			So an example of that is, I don't get to call my kids, idiots, I don't call get to call them stupid,
I don't get to call them names of animals, I don't get to do that. Because in any culture, in any
society, even if it's a habit, just because something is a habit doesn't mean it's culturally
acceptable, because I know some cultures that will call their sons dogs, you know, they will call
themselves sons, donkeys. I hear that a lot. It doesn't necessarily mean that that's acceptable. And
okay, like, sometimes we have to at least draw the lines, the boundaries of what kind of cultural
influence we want with our children, we have to draw those lines and put limitations on them. So
		

			calling our kids names like this is unacceptable in any culture or society. But even having said
that, it's a habit, at the end of the day. That's what Islam came to do. Islam did not come to
eradicate culture as a whole. But it came to clean up all the bad habits in culture, the bad
behaviors, the bad things that we say, the bad attitudes, it came to clean up all of that. And this
is one of them. Well, Paul, and Paul and Madoka, just be nice to them. And we're talking very
specifically about when we're trying to encourage and inspire. Which leads me to a side point. Have
any of you heard this? whenever you hear adults, generally speaking, just adults, whether it be at
		

			the masjid or maybe even your homes, that say things like this about young people, they say, our
young people, they're so lost. Our young people, they're misguided. Our young people are confused.
Our young people need us our young people feel neglected. Our young people are frustrated, our young
people are not coming to the masjid. Our young people don't have no pride in their identity. They
don't want to study. They, they they it's almost as if we've categorized and shaped this community
of young people, as though they were the last and most misguided group, you know, across the globe,
across the globe, like this group they've been the less fortunate. We've all been able to have
		

			access to all the knowledge and resources and everything else that we need. When we were young.
That's why we became, you know, part of the mystery and we became volunteers, we became leaders. But
this next generation that we're seeing here, they're in a separate planet. This is a big problem.
This narrative is unacceptable. What Why do we have to always refer to young people as this deprived
group that just can't seem to get things right. That's not the way that we were influenced. That's
not the way that I'm sure many of you listening to this right now.
		

			encouraged and inspired to be good people, as you mature as you got married, and you grew up and you
had your own family, if somebody talked to you that way, or referred to you that way, it would be a
lifelong memory, it would have psychological effects, mental effects on you to just know that you
are always looked down upon, or you will always categorize amongst a group of, you know, sporadic
few that were troublemakers you got thrown into that whole group as well. I'll tell you something,
guys.
		

			I spend a lot of time with young with, with young people with students, high school students, and
college and university students. This is a group that I primarily like to focus on. And I'll tell
you something, and this is by far through my connection and my experience with young people. They
are incredibly intelligent, yes, with the exception of some that come in there, and they just
they're in a different world, right. But then at the same time, that's what young people do. So if
they're daydreaming, if they don't look like they're interested, well, guess what, that's what young
people are. That's how they are. And that's how they behave. What do you have to do now, as an
		

			instructor, is you have to be creative and find different ways that you can take your message and
refine it in such a way that it's relatable now to young people. You know, people say to me all the
time, oh, you relate so much to young people. No, I don't. I just love being around them, and
inspiring them and teaching them and encouraging them. I love being there for them. And that's all
it took. I'm not an expert in terms of, you know, dealing with with high schoolers, and college and
uni students. I've never got any formal training, I read one book about counseling for Dummies.
That's what I read. And that was it. I just have a heart that I want to see the best for these
		

			people. And when you come to particularly young people with a good heart, they open up their hearts
to you. And this is a very famous statement amongst the scholars that when you speak from your
heart, you impact the hearts of the listeners. So it's about really at the end of the day, wanting
the best with whatever Allah blessed you with. And Allah is saying that if you have nothing, there
is one thing that you are always rich with. And that is what kulula Hola, mouseover just be nice and
talk to them in a nice way treat them like human beings. Again, this can go on and on, about how we
refer to young people, but how they're treated when they come to our massage. When they come to our
		

			massages in our Institute's maybe the first thing that we do is we hand them a broom, or we tell
them go grab the vacuum, or come take the garbage out. Or you're here we need volunteers. It seems
like their roles in in massage Ed have also been very specific. And and this is just not the right
way to do things. This is not the standard that our massage should be operating. If we want people,
especially young people to feel empowered, that we have to empower them with things. And I'm not
saying just open the whole bank account and say okay, guys, you need funding. Here we go to Santa
Monica make us proud. No, they also need guidance. They also need rules. They also need people to
		

			teach them and encourage them and direct them in the right way. But they need to be part of that
journey. Then Allah subhanho wa Taala
		

			he continues and this is where I'll conclude in the Latina una Williams shall lead in an otaku me
unhealthy him the de tumbler half and half for la familia tequila, while while you're cool, Colin
said even if you're afraid that you're going to leave off behind them, children that are weak
children that are weak, and you're afraid for them. So in other words, at this piston, at the end of
the day when everybody gets a share, but you still fearful that there are other kids out there that
don't have any support, you know, sitepoint Look how Allah subhanho wa Taala pays attention to young
people. These are orphans, but their kids at the end of the day, they're young people at the end of
		

			the day, I was already telling us to make sure that we give them the tools and the resources so that
they can develop themselves. Then unless as if you can't do that, then at least the bare minimum is
you've got to treat them like human beings be nice to them say words of encouragement to them don't
always come across as a superior figure above an over them. Then a lesson kind of attire that says
oh and by the way, if you're fearful that there are any other children that have been left behind
failure tapachula I'll just finish talking about kids and then he tells us to have tough love him.
taqwa. We usually are told it tough love immediately after a year you will Athena mo so Eman is
		

			usually connected directly to consciousness of a lot this conversation. how you treat children is
directly connected to your taqwa with Allah subhana wa
		

			to either, in other words,
		

			the more that we mistreat young people in whatever capacity we do it intentionally or carelessly.
That's a reflection of taqwa means that you have weak telkwa. Whether you're a parent, whether
you're an administrator, or just an average layman person, you're connected to young people in some
way, shape or form. But if you're not at least kind and don't have a good heart, when you're around
them, Allah is telling us here, you have weak taqwa. And then a left tells us how to repair it will
topple law, whoa, failure double lot when the upu Poland said EDA, and make sure that you say words
that don't have any holes in them. sadita said Dune is like when you're trying to patch up a hole.
		

			Right? So there's a hole in a wall and you patch it up. So Allah is saying, Will you hold your
problem steady, that make sure that your words are clear that they don't have any flaws, any holes?
In other words, don't speak. And then you know, you have like these hidden agendas, in your speech.
Be direct, be straightforward, be very clear and explicit, don't have any ambiguity in your speech
when you're especially when you're dealing with young people, because they can see through that. And
even if they don't see through that, depending on how young they are, they are they depend on your
guidance. So if you're not telling them or speaking to them directly, then they're going to just
		

			take your word for it.
		

			So that's really important. Well, your top law, failure, top law will your call your Colin said
either. And finally, in the Latina Corona, and well, Elliot, Mr. volumen, anybody who eats the
wealth of a
		

			orphan, and they do this wrongfully in them a poodle nephew, Tony nelda, they are actually eating
that wealth within their stomachs, and their stomachs now will burst into a fire. In other words,
it's as if they're taking in this food, whatever it is that they purchased, and they wrongfully took
the wealth of orphans. So they're stealing money, but they're doing it for themselves. Allah is
saying it says if you're sitting there eating fire,
		

			or what's called a feeble, totally him, not westsail slowness or era, and they will eventually come
to the pits of the fire. Here's the thing, guys, the wealth of orphans is the most sacred wealth in
the entire poor, and there is no other category of people that Allah subhanho wa Taala. Is this
strict about in terms of their wealth than the orphans? No other category of people that Allah ever
say, if you take their wealth, it's as if you're eating from the fire of the Hellfire, only orphans,
Allah gave that explicit imagery and warning about again, do you see how firm and how strict Allah
subhanho wa Taala is standing up for young people, especially the most vulnerable, the ones who
		

			don't have guardians, they don't have guardianship with them. A law protects them, protects their
money, protects their food, protects their wealth, and also protects how people speak and treat
them. So panela. So
		

			for the parents here that are listening, this is again, another stark reminder that at the end of
the day, I know we all want that for our kids. But sometimes if you find yourself that you want the
best for your kids, but you're not seeing it, you're doing everything that you can, but you're not
seeing those results, then maybe these are the kinds of verses that might indicate maybe it's not
what you're doing. But perhaps what you're saying and how you're saying it could actually be the
whole reason why your your kids are not listening to you. They're not feeling what you have to say
they're not into the whole idea of Yeah, going to the masjid and praying every time I get tired. And
		

			I saw this and I see this every single year in Ramadan, when a young kid who's not even but badly if
he's not even mature enough to be insular. Allah doesn't even command a child that young to be in
prayer. But I understand that As parents, we want to encourage our kids so we want them to stand
beside those and we want them to be with us and all of that sort of thing. And I saw this with my
own eyes very rare, but it's I seen it and I'm sure many of you have seen it as well. Like if a kid
moves around too much. You know, the dad will just kind of you know, pat him on the head or slap him
on the head. And the poor kid is like fearful though Oh my God, I gotta I gotta make sure I
		

			concentrate in prayer also get another hit on my head. That's not how we introduce Islam. The
Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him never like punched anybody and said, Hey, you got to pray. You
got to pray nicely. As a matter of fact, when he saw people praying carelessly or they made tons of
mistakes, what does he do?
		

			He comes back and he tells them look, go and repeat the prayer again. Okay, look, this is what you
need to fix. He just talks to them. He doesn't say, what's wrong with you? Does that how I taught
you? Is that how you behave in my message? He doesn't do any of that.
		

			So why do some parents do that? Right? This is a reflection of the lack of patience, and tolerance
and willingness to just stick their stick by their side and just support that journey. It's not an
easy journey. A lot of religion in general is all about self discovery, you have to experience it in
a very personal way. And to in order to do that, you need a good supportive cast, the best support
is the family. So with that being said, I pray that Allah subhanho wa Taala continues to inspire us
with these beautiful words of encouragement from the poor end. And again, today, it was all about
how we speak and how we treat young people and the narrative behind that the young people are this
		

			deprived group that are so messed up, lazy, don't care about nothing, don't care about life, I think
we should stop saying that and only say those things specifically where they apply. But to just kind
of generically paint the same narrative across the board with all young people in general, the smart
ones, the brilliant ones, the thinkers, the ones who actually want to aspire to be better. They
don't deserve that.
		

			And that's what I want to encourage all of us, inshallah, to think about, and perhaps maybe share
this conversation with somebody in the community, and spark some conversation so that we can improve
our approach and the way that we treat and speak to young people, particularly those within our
communities. And so with that being said, I pray that Allah subhanho wa Taala protects our sons and
our daughters and allies, so He will bless all of them, inspire them to be true leaders of this
world true leaders of their Deen, may Allah subhanho wa Taala reward, honor and protect the mothers
and fathers that are doing their best trying their best to encourage and influence to within their
		

			capacity. May Allah subhanho wa Taala bless you and give you the highest levels of genuine love
them. I mean, so with that being said, everybody, just like the level planner, again, always at the
end of each of these installments, I encourage all of you that if you're not doing this already,
watch this with your family, bring the kids bring your sons and daughters and and just sit there sit
around the TV or the screen and just watch this. And I hope and I pray that it's a source of
encouragement and inspiration for all of you. Okay, guys, just like a low height and Take care and
I'll see you again soon. I'm running commercial to LA heat wabarakatuh