Musleh Khan – Ask Musleh – How do you deal with a spouse who struggles with anger management?

			Salam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh everyone welcome back to ask Muslim This is of course you,
brother Muslim? So today's question is really important. Some of you have been asking about anger
management in a marriage, and particularly how do husbands and wives control that anger with each
other? So something is not done a certain way if she didn't cook the food, right? Or he didn't come
home on time. And you snap and you react to that. That's that situation? How do you deal with those
things? Well, first of all, you have to understand the dangers of being angry, and what anger does
for any human being not only just for Muslim, but just anyone in general. Anger is a sickness of the
		

			heart. And anger is something that causes people to do crazy things because you get into the state
where you lose control. And obviously, we know that anger has different stages, there's a natural
type of anger that you and I, no matter what every single human being has that natural type of
anger, things just make us upset each and every single day of our lives. And that's perfectly
normal. And this is what you have to understand to separate that when it comes to a marriage from
that type of anger to something a little more severe. Husbands and wives, you'll always be angry at
each other for something, there's something going to be about that individual that you're just not
		

			going to like or you want them to do differently. That's okay. Because this is where that
compromising that given take, and you know, those expectations that you have for your spouse, these
these are the times where you need to give and take or to compromise or to overlook and just simply
ignore. So that's the first type of anger that you need to understand where do you fit in when it
comes to that. The second thing is anger that's anything beyond natural. So for example, you start
to scream, yell, shout, insult. Or in some extreme cases, somebody would break things or grab
objects and throw it across the room, or even in worse, worse scenarios where two individuals start
		

			to physically abuse each other. If it's any one of these types of anger, now who now we have a
problem, because the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam ordered the own man and ordered all of the
people to control their anger, and they would do it in really interesting ways. And remember the
prophets I said them at the end of the day, he was a human being as a lot as xojo says that he has
chosen a prophet Minh and for Sequim, he's chosen it from amongst you. So he was a human being at
the same time he had natural emotions. So how did he deal with his anger with all of his wives, very
simple. Number one, the prophets I send them avoid confrontation as much as possible. That's what
		

			you need to do. If you know you're going to get into an argument with your spouse, try to get out of
it right away at that moment, don't even hesitate walk away going to another room, go sit down, turn
on the TV, or you know, go for a walk around the street do something to get yourself out of that
moment. Number two, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam also encouraged us to perform will do so
if you if it's not convenient enough for you to leave that particular situation get into the
washroom go and perform will do think of will do as like an a fire extinguisher. It'll literally
extinguish all of those evil emotions that might come out of that particular person. Another way the
		

			prophesies send them used to deal with anger, especially in his marriages, is that he would also ask
Allah azza wa jal for protection by saying our roads the Billahi min ash shaytani r rajim. Because
anger, it originates from the west southwest or the whisper of the shaitan. So immediately at that
moment, if you can perform, although you can get out of it, or was a little bit lucky, min ash
shaytani. r rajim. You seek refuge in protection and a lot as Elijah from the evil whispers of the
shaitaan. Another way to deal with anger, which I find in sha Allah is very, very effective is to
ignore pause and try to talk your problems out as much as possible. And try to choose moments that
		

			are appropriate. Don't come back to the person when you know their emotions are high. When you know
that they're really feeling the heat and they're really into the moment. Try to avoid that as much
as possible. Wait till things calm down, and try to communicate. Go up to your spouse and ask them
and say, Look, I'm sorry, you know what happened? Start to apologize. Start to try to pick up the
pieces of that moment and put it back together as soon as possible. Don't sleep and go to bed
knowing that both of you hate each other or you've just gotten over a big fight. Don't let that
happen. Even if you have to stay up all night and work it out. Try to work it out. Because Allah
		

			azza wa jal says I placed molad and Rama between you, I've placed love and mercy amongst you. So
it's up to you and I inshallah, we try
		

			To preserve that love and mercy as much as possible, make sure brothers and sisters that you always
realize that marriage is difficult. And many, many times in a marriage, it can be a great strong
test from Allah subhanho wa Taala. So keep all of these things in mind. I hope this helps all of
your marriages out there may Allah azza wa jal make it easy for myself and all of you with Santa
Monica Monica to LA he will better care to
		

			me