Musleh Khan – Ask Musleh – How do you control parents’ involvement in marriage?

			Salam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh brothers and sisters and welcome to Ask Muslim. So today's
question again very interesting. Some of the brothers and sisters have been asked me about parents
and their interference in a marriage. How can you control parents involvement in your marriages?
Because you have some families where parents will try to dictate everything that the husband and
wife do, especially because it involves their child. So how do you maintain that, but at the same,
how do you control that, but at the same time, maintain a good relationship with mom and dad. The
first thing brothers and sisters is do what Allah azza wa jal says to do. And that is what we
		

			learned at our center. In other words, you always look at the positive life of the positive light,
have the intention of your parents, at the end of the day, parents only want good for their
children. So you want to always look at their suggestions, or their complaints or whatever it is
that they want to say whatever it is that they wish for you, you want to look at it in a positive
light as best as you can, don't always look at your parents interfering with your life, because at
the end of the day, they are your mother and father, and allies. So a jille orders you to obey them
doesn't order you to obey anybody else. So that's the first thing that you want to do when you're
		

			dealing with that kind of situation. Secondly, know your who could know your rights between you and
your spouse. So in other words, know that at the end of the day, there are certain obligations that
you have to fulfill with your spouse. And those always have to be there whether you have
interference from anyone in your marriage or not. Allies. So agile categorizes these rights. So
these rights, they belong to your spouse, and no one else is allowed to interfere with them and say,
Look, don't do this for him. Don't do that for her. Or she's supposed to do this by herself, or he's
supposed to do that by himself. No, all of these things have already be been pre ordained, and
		

			specified in our shediac. So make sure that you understand what your rights are in the marriage, and
most importantly, fulfill them. Because the prophets of Allah hearty, he was seldom once mentioned
in an authentic hadith, that our Muslim lives often or a Muslims life is based on his shuttle, it's
based on the conditions that he fulfills with himself, and Allah subhanho wa Taala. Third thing is
very important. Now, the third thing is, now you're in the crux of the whole matter, you have a
situation where your husband or your wife tells you, look, I want you to do this, I want you to do
that. But mom and dad step into the picture and say, we don't want you to do that. What do you do?
		

			The best way to get out of this situation is you do number one, try to make your spouse happy first.
And this is really important. Why do I say this is very simple, because that is the responsibility
that Allah azza wa jal gave you. There was once upon a time where you were under the care and the
responsibility of your parents, and that has been lifted now from you, because you're married and
now you're responsible for another family. And this is why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
always tells us in so many a hadith that fathers You are the breadwinners you are vote are in You
are the ones that take care of your families, you are the ones that look over and make sure that
		

			everything is looked after for them. Whereas the mother, same thing, she has certain
responsibilities, she makes sure those things are done. But at the same time, when you're faced with
that situation, try to communicate with your parents, try to let them know that look, you know, at
the same time you have your own life, you still want to have a good relationship with them. But the
relationship that you have with mom and dad is different from the relationship that you have with
husband or wife, categorize these two things. And inshallah, if you do that, hopefully I pray for
all of you that insha Allah, all of your relationships are going to be easy for you. There are many,
		

			many, many, many other situations that sprout out of this whole issue with mom and dad and parents
in you know, coming into a child's marriage, but in sha Allah huhtala in our future sessions we will
try to discuss as many of them as we can. So once again, take care of yourselves everyone May Allah
azza wa jal bless you all, so that more on equal more to la de la boca