Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari – Marriage – Deen Vs Culture Part 9

			So there's a difference between arranged and forced marriages.
		

			Um, another problem in here, along with this array forced marriages, you know, some communities have
this problem of
		

			honor killings, again, has nothing I mean, I don't know how people have attributes that Islam, you
know, they kill, honor killings absolutely hold on no place for it in Islam.
		

			And and then within marriage there are cultural issues, learn that I'm just going to make bullet
points learn the fact of the rights and responsibilities of the spouse. Does the daughter in law
have to serve the parents in law or not? Do they have to? Are they absolutely responsible? That's
within the marriage have talked about it in my course very detailed term right now. But there are
rules, cultural things we have, what does Islam say we need to learn about that these are just
bullet points. Now I'm going to talk about because in no time
		

			separate accommodation,
		

			what does Islam say? Does a wife have a right to ask for a separate accommodation, which means that
doesn't have to be like 10 miles away, it could be absolute next door, it could be within the house.
But basic requirement within the schools of thought is that she has a separate sleeping area, as
well as separate cooking and a bathroom area. She wants to eat and cook separate food and she has
the right which the husband has to provide. In this day and age many scholars actually encouraged
that it saves a lot of problems you know how many times marriages break up because of interference
of you know, the oldest problem in the world mother in law daughter in law, you know, indoors
		

			interfering big problem? That's a big issue you know, how is spoken to so many brothers who are in
the middle you know, between the mother and the wife it strike what we call you on the Surat you
know that the bridge? It's, you know, more thin than, you know, the hair and more sharp than the
sword. It's just there to fold. One side, the other side is the mother in law. What do you do? It's
a very well, you have to learn this art. Maybe there are some people who actually good at that you
know how to be diplomatic, the only way you will survive is being diplomatic, you have to be a
politician.
		

			Really, yeah, of course, we talk a lot, but you have to be very, you have to use a lot of Heckman
wisdom and tact the way you deal with your mother in law and you never praise your mother in law in
front of your wife and never praise your wife in front of your mother in law.
		

			And if you have the both that and just don't press anyone
		

			you know, these are these are things you have to you have to do and that's why the messengers that
Allah Holly was telling me said, you know, three times or three areas where you can actually lie as
well. Not clear. But you know,
		

			Xhosa as OJT because of their relationship, and Islam being a nurse and there's another area as
well. So there are issues within the within marriage. And then we have cultural things. I mean,
there's there's one last thing about just another two three, what another terms come in here. Or 35
Okay.
		

			Yeah, yeah, I need to go so we'll we'll do the questions after we just like 510 minutes traps and
we're going to be shallow into the q&a.
		

			Just one more issue of marriage and then divorce I have, I'll just talk. Another issue, which may be
a taboo subject for many people, polygamy.
		

			Culturally, I mean, this I've done a lot of reading recently, a lot of raw research and a lot of
reading on this topic. But again, it's a classic example. A loss of handle data in the Quran tells
us when our current meaning will illuminate you da da da hora pseudo Imran a hero to me, I marry
him. When Allah and His Messenger decide something for you. You don't have no choice in the matter.
		

			No choice, no matter I'm not saying breaking the law, whatever but islamically for a person to
consider this to be a lonely act. Right? to consider a man taking on a second wife. Of course there
are restrictions there are conditions. There's one extreme where people think this is just God given
rights, you know, just married, divorced, married, divorced and take as many as you want without
giving them right to rights without either without either without justice. That's inhumane. That's
how wrong you can't do that when Cliftonville for Haider was the only one. But islamically It's a
right. It's absolutely permissible. There's nothing whatsoever wrong. We live in communities. This
		

			may be across maybe only some Arab cultures are open to this. But across I know the Indian
subcontinent like India or Pakistan or Bangladesh. It's like Karima to go through, you know, a man
taking on us. I know like people. There's one chef who took took on a second wife and he was
bombarded like he's committed Zinner.
		

			They would rather a man commit Zina than marry a second wife. There's one wife actually said, I
don't mind no husband can have a girlfriend and a loaf of dinner with her. But if he can't take on a
certain way,
		

			and there's a lot of wisdom, this is a topic coming on its own I can talk about in a lot of detail,
but I've done a lot of research on this. Seriously, I mean, we would solve you know, to the point
		

			You know, there's so much research you have done on this that, you know, to the point, both. And,
you know, the simple solution to simple things on the road.
		

			You know, you're young teenagers are in drugs. One of the solutions is polygamy.
		

			You might say, what's the connection? I don't have the time to explain.
		

			Seriously, you know, children are impacted.
		

			And what can I tell you? There's so many things. It's not hype, but children are impacted the has
the husband and parents relation, there are so many brothers, who would you know, we would save so
many divorces in life. I've spoken to at least 20 brothers who said, if we have a choice to keep the
first wife and take second wife and never divorce my first wife. I mean, you know what, most people
actually doing polygamy anyway, in different ways. They normally do it anyway. Can you tell me any
non Muslim who stayed with one woman
		

			in their life? Only one woman or only one man, for the rest of the life, especially men, only one
woman, you would not find anyone right now?
		

			It's inhumane. Maybe it is for some people, some people can stay. It's in the nature of, of a man.
Women can as long as a woman and assistants may be probably getting really angry at this topic. But
some sisters do understand, you know, for a woman if she has a husband, who is caring, considerate,
gives her all her right. looks after she doesn't need anybody else. That's the way Allah has created
a woman. She is satisfied. That's it, you know, she's satisfied
		

			before a man even if he has issues, you know, the like, you know, women have children and yeah, it's
in the nature of a man. And going back to those examples are citing of these people. It's in the
nature. Okay. But you know, you can't, you know,
		

			anyways, so
		

			we would save a lot of divorces as well, a
		

			lot of divorces be saved.
		

			That's another cultural thing as well. It's looked down to end this point by saying that if someone
looks down on the allowance that Islam has given,
		

			if someone knocks it, someone looks down upon it, it's actually close to cover.
		

			There's no doubt in the fist in the deviancy of that person. Very close to committing