Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari – Marriage – Deen Vs Culture Part 6

			And that's why, you know, sometimes some people go and go and have some, you know, fare on the side
with someone who's like, really ugly. You know, they people say, what's happened here, because it's
just, you know, not living with them. So beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It's not physically
how the look is the character. And that beauty in the character hospital sera. It's a unique beauty,
the way your wife talks to you, the way she interacts with you the way your husband talks to you.
		

			It's just unique that that character building character, you cannot buy that with any money in the
planet. Telling is the best thing you can have. If you've got a spouse who's got the most beautiful
of character, then you need to really feel yourself to be fortunate.
		

			character is very important. Don't just go for looks. I'm not saying attraction is a matter. There's
to an extent, but think to yourself, no, just to an extent after that, it doesn't matter too much.
As I said, you become normal you will be the phases. You want someone who's beautiful to you, even
when you're 95 year old Buddha.
		

			And she's 94 and she's got all wrinkles on her face. And and you know, and you know, sometimes you
got these two old people, you know, 80s and 90s. And the love they have they've grown old in Islam
and and you know, like your granddad's or sometimes you see the amazing that love between your
granddad and your grandmother they have amazing, that's unique. That's what he called True love. You
know that they just have all their life they've shared together.
		

			And that's what Islam that's what marriage is about. It's not what you think right now, that's what
marriage is about. So,
		

			taqwa before marriage,
		

			right? Start off on, you know, don't don't do unlawful activities before marriage. If someone is
involved in repentance, or to a lot, we need to, you know, correct our ways. Because once a person
gets a habit, that even you know, don't, don't let Chevron deceive you don't believe in Satan
deceive you. And you know what, after I get married, goodness of God, because if you are doing
things until marriage, then I can guarantee you that it will carry on. In most cases, even after
marriage. When I speak to a lot of people, you don't have the dollar stolen and I emails phone call,
I talk to hundreds of people
		

			the past few years, and you know married married couples, you know, the type of problems like every
problem you can think of is a taking place. You can tell a lot of these things are habits before
marriage does not sorted themselves out before marriage. And they bring these habits in their
marriage, and it causes problems in a marriage to the most extreme. I don't want to explicitly have
young children, but to the extreme.
		

			to the extreme, Yannis heinola, I'm telling you to the extreme.
		

			You know, there are cases where like one sister was comissions. She's got two children, they've got
two children. They've been married for 12 years. And you know, he's been doing all kinds of dodgy
things. As you know, he said to me, and so on, she followed it. And you know, he's doing some
unlawful. He's not just having an affair, but it's going to miss massage parlors and things like
that. married men visiting prostitutes, come on, you know, you've got a Muslim woman at home.
		

			You know, when you get these habits, they're really difficult to get rid of people who've got habits
of, you know, playing with themselves before marriage, right? And being explicit, it will, you'll
have your wife next year in bed, but you still you'll find more pleasure in, in relieving your own
self than than having a relationship with your spouse.
		

			And this is medically proven scientifically proven. There's a whole book on this as well. There's
really good book on point you know that there's this this sister, this one sister, and so many
sisters actually wives, Muslim woman I've spoken to LD six, who says that husbands have addiction to
*.
		

			They find more pleasure in * and then having a relationship with their wife. Come on, you know, I
said we were doing you know, in a couple of weeks ago, we were in Canada, there was a few other
chefs as well. Well, a few other chefs and me not a few other chefs as well in Russia. But you know,
shamili from Bradford, Mr. Muhammad vu. So you're in the same picture. Personally, I think it's
coming to her. We were in the same plane going and calming your mind for a weekend just conference.
So one night, we were just outside the hotel, we were having this discussion.
		

			Or we were talking about these issues and show him a different platform. And he was flabbergasted.
He couldn't eat it is the first time I'm shocked. He couldn't understand that there are people who
would actually, you know, do they'll be so dysfunctional and psychologically So, you know, degraded
that they would feel more pleasure in these activities than even having their own and there's no
problems with the wife.
		

			Yeah. If there's problems that maybe you can't you can't justify it, but maybe you can understand,
but there's nothing wrong but still, he was shocked. And we told him we said look, this definitely
happens.
		

			It's a disease so we have to correct our waste. That's why at the time of Nika, taco is reminded
beforehand as well beforehand as well. And that's why you know, in some, some communities people
make Toba repent to Allah that Okay, now I've done all the sins. Just I want to stop right now and I
personally feel that you should try not wait for the last day. Tomorrow's my marriage tonight I'm
doing tober now give it at least six months. Six months at least make Toba completely soaked
yourself out and then be completely new born Muslim, a terrible minute then become an umbrella boy
who repent is like never coming to the same. spend six months of chastity of good practicing of
		

			Islam and then get into marriage and you'll see that you'll be you'll have a very prosperous
marriage, many problems marital problems are because of this because of these habits from before
marriage.
		

			You know, you you you know those people who are good beforehand you see them that, that their
marriages, they they they prosper in the marriage. So taqwa before what has mockery, by the way.
		

			Okay, turquoise before marriage, that was at the time of and then at a time before marriage as well.
One of the things about before marriage engagement. We know when you get engaged, nothing's changed.
Nothing's happened. You're still foreigners and strangers to one another. A lot of people ask what
can we do after marriage after engagement? I said nothing. It was just like, before engagement.
Nothing's happened. So before marriage, have Taqwa? cobla, Nika, and then at the time of marriage,
which means your marriage, marital and marriage ceremonies, should be conducted
		

			should be conducted in accordance with the rules of Islam. You know, as I said, you know, like the
person praying salah and drinking alcohol, it's like people have marriage ceremonies and in the
ceremonies within the niqab. They have intermingling of the scent, the two sexes of the two genders,
women dancing, men dancing, mixing this, that and the other music,
		

			a loafer activities, there's no Baraka, there'll be no blessings in our marriage. This is an act of
a birder. It's not a worldly thing. It's not a cultural thing. It's an Islamic thing.
		

			This is what I'm saying. It's an Islamic thing. You have to make the right intention. Before
marriage, you have to learn about marriage, because marriage, you have to learn. There are rules,
you know, non Muslims, actually, sometimes some of them go and take courses. We've got the best
course the best guidance given to us by Iran is messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, what else do
we need? Learn about the rules of marriage. We need to learn remember, everything that we do in our
lives, we need to learn about them. We need to learn about the rules of marriage, and then make sure
and ensure that the marriages are contracted. In accordance with the teachings of Islam, there
		

			should be no unlawful activities in the marriage ceremony. And then the most important part is after
marriage, after marriage as well. Between the relationship of the husband and wife, there has to be
taqwa there has to be the fear of Allah, there has to be God consciousness, you know what the power
basically means? Everything we do before we do it with everything we say all we do. We think Allah
will question me about this on the Day of Judgment. If I now my wife is here, I am going to speak to
her before I speak to her, let me think, look, the way I speak a lot when asked me why did you speak
in this way? And then I speak if you're a wife, that before opening the mouth, you know, think, you
		

			know, if I say something to my husband, allow it ask me. Can you speak kindness to your husband in a
disrespectful manner? Think beforehand.
		

			This is what that word means.
		

			That's why you want a wife or a husband. Remember, you will only have a prosperous marriage if you
have someone in your life. The tune Coulson, not only Maria Maria Maria when he said the Willie
Dini, her first four visits the Why is Dean so important.
		

			Because I am telling you, Dean is so important. If you want a prosperous marriage, you will only
survive with someone who has deep
		

			and then doesn't mean someone who just covered the head. That's another topic.
		

			It doesn't just mean someone who just wears a niqab and the hijab, which is someone who grows a
beard.
		

			I said, not just just someone who grows or someone who grows just the beard yet don't take things
out of context. I'm not saying it's not important, this is important, but not just that. It's not
restricted to that.