Mufti Menk – Your Daughter is Yelled at and Abused

			Salam aleikum. Imagine you have a daughter, and she grows up in your home with sound morals and
values, and You've spoiled her, you respect her. And as she grows older, you teach her as much as
you can. And there is no screaming and shouting in your home, there is no swearing, there is no
oppression, like you wouldn't actually tell someone hurtful things, you wouldn't ask them to do
things that are so difficult unless you help them. And you wouldn't expect from them to do so much
more than their own capacity. And one day, Mashallah either they come up with some idea of getting
married somewhere, or you come up with some idea of getting married somewhere, and things progress
		

			and they end up getting married. So this Daughter of yours, your beloved child actually ends up
getting married somewhere. And she's very excited, both parties are extremely excited, they have met
each other, and everyone feels that this is going to work very well. And as your daughter enters
this new home, you'll find she gets on very well with her husband. But unfortunately, the in laws
maltreat her whether it's a sister in law, a brother in law, a mother in law, or father in law, they
maltreat her to the degree that they abuse her, they swear, they scream and yell, they expect her to
do things she's never done before. So she has to get up very early in the morning. And from day one
		

			very early into the marriage, it's already a prison sentence. Her life has changed completely, they
begin to doubt her, they want to track everything she does. They actually don't want her to leave
the home at all. They might lock her in the house, and not allow her to come out whatsoever at all.
And SubhanAllah. Thereafter.
		

			They make sure she cooks and cleans and does everything and doesn't sleep until the last brother in
law is back from work. He is fed by this person who's not his wife, but it's his brother's wife. And
then after that, with no thank yous with no appreciation, she then goes to bed. And guess what she
has to get up the next day and do exactly the same thing. All they did is they got an unpaid made
Subhanallah a slave girl in the home, huh? That's exactly what happened. And then you have people
saying that that is the role of a woman or stole federal law, or strong federal law. I really don't
mind standing up for such people. Even if I lose popularity, it's fine. Because I've seen so many
		

			people getting married. And the reason why we have to talk about it this way is the majority of
cases that girls go into the homes of the boys. And there's nothing wrong to do it the other way
around. Actually, it's not wrong for the boy to actually come and live with his in laws, so to
speak. Some cultures frown upon it, but from an Islamic perspective, for as long as there is an
agreement, it's okay, it's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. But because the majority of girls
go into the homes of their husbands.
		

			Do you know that many people are suffering this way. This is why when you get married, be careful
who you are getting married to look at the inlaws. Some of them show you a very, very beautiful
front prior to marriage. And when they get married, they become the most disastrous of people, they
have no values, they scream, they shout, they swear they have no respect for women, whatsoever. They
expect from you something you've never done in your life, they would ask you to clean and cook from
early morning to late at night, no body would refuse to help out and to do some of the cooking and
the cleaning and so on for as long as it's reasonable. And for as long as it is something that is
		

			appreciated. But if a person comes in and says you know what, you have to do this and you must and
you've got to serve everyone. Well then what used to happen prior to me coming into the home, the
girl might say and if you were to look at that, why doesn't the situation continue? I have a husband
I look after him Mashallah. And I will try to look after his family after all, but at the end of the
day, you cannot expect someone
		

			just to go into a home where they treated like worse than animals.
		

			Subhan Allah, would you like it if it was your daughter? And if that happened to your own daughter?
That's a question you need to ask yourself. Many people think oh, you know, the shear sides with the
women. That's not true. We're speaking of a reality on the ground.
		

			Tell me, the cases where the men have actually gone into the houses of the women and the the women's
folks have been asked them to get up early morning and cook and clean for everyone throughout the
day, or to take their entire salaries. And that's it, it has to serve the whole family of your wife
SubhanAllah. Chances are, it may be there, but very, very little. Whereas the other way, it's so
much imagine, they send her out to work and they want the entire salary, it must come to us. For
some Han Allah Subhana Allah, my brothers and sisters, it's about time we feared Allah. And we
became conscious of the fact that the prophets are seldom said the best from amongst you are those
		

			who are best to their wives. That is a statement we cannot deny. And that doesn't mean that the
prophets are seldom sided with the wives. But he knew that women, they require a different type of
attention. And Subhanallah if you give them that attention, and you honor them, and you appreciate
and you don't scream and yell at them, and you don't swear and shout at them, and you don't just
doubt them and mistrust them for no reason. And you don't expect from them that which you
		

			they are not accustomed to and you wouldn't want for your own child Subhan Allah.
		

			If you did the right things, somehow you would have the most amazing marriage. But unfortunately,
many people don't do this. And this is where we're failing my brothers and sisters, we need to go
back and treat your wife with respect and the wives to need to treat their husbands with respect, it
is only the mutual respect that would actually nurture that particular relationship in the right
direction. But if Neela there should be no screaming and yelling in the home of a moment. There
should be no swearing and abuse in the home of a movement. They should be beautiful words, and they
should be a great understanding. And you should help each other imagine the heartbeat speaks about
		

			your servants. And it says, learn to convey for whom are you available home for Inca left to move I
know, your servants don't actually task them with that which is very difficult for them to fulfill.
And if you have to do that, then you need to get up and help them help your servants. That's what
the Hadith says because they're your brothers and your sisters. If that's the case, with servers,
you cannot compare that with a wife or a husband or spouse Subhanallah if you're asking your spouse
to do something difficult, they're not used to it. Imagine they come into the new home expecting
everything to be good. And First things first, they have to get up early in the morning every single
		

			day. And they have to sleep last thing at night and that too. Very tired with the worry of getting
up so early. So panela once again and serving the people yes, Salah is there. We don't deny that.
But this is something beyond that. It's not what Islam teaches. So let's not confuse this May Allah
subhanho wa Taala protect us and grant us ease. akula Kalia was Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah