Mufti Menk – Why should I check his family when I’m marrying HIM?

			Salam Alaikum the mistake that people are making now when they're choosing a spouse at times is that
they don't look at the family. And why should we be looking at the family, a person may ask? Well,
if you're going to be living with them, then you need to know that their values are similar to the
ones you grew up with or within. Because imagine, if you grow up in a very loving home where you
were well protected, you had a lot of kindness, everyone helped each other, there were only good
words, people really thought good of each other. There were so many sweet words that were said every
day, people understood each other, they sacrificed for each other, and you get married to a guy
		

			who's brilliant, but his family, whom you might be living with, are people who doubt everyone, they
swear and scream, they yell and they beat each other up, for example, or they are abusive, they,
they have issues, they really don't get on with each other, they wouldn't sacrifice for each other.
If you're going to be living among them, then most likely you're going to struggle in that home a
lot. May Allah protect us, and this is why islamically you are entitled to your separate quarters
when you're married, but not everyone can afford that. So it's very worthwhile to look at whether
you're going to be living with your in laws or not number one, and if you are, are they people who
		

			are going to respect you and honor you? Are they people who are going to help with things that you
have to do? Or are they people who are just going to look at you as a slave dish, all the work out
to you make sure that you're working late at night, while they're sleeping, you're busy preparing
the meals that also sometimes for some might not be such a big problem. But would they be vulgar and
abusive, you know, mistrust, and creating issues and problems, you know, the hearts may not be
clean, something you will never accustomed to. That is something many people fail to look into. And
this is why arranged introductions have their pros and cons. And those where we have come up with
		

			the idea or the suggestion also has pros and cons. And this is why my brothers and sisters, it's
important before you allow yourself to consider someone, as a potential spouse have a look at the
way they were brought up, have a look at their siblings and their family members, especially if
you're going to be living with them, or you're going to have a lot of interaction with them. If in
the case where you're not going to really have much interaction with them, you probably would be
able to just judge the person for himself. Remember, many cultural homes still have a very strong
say, after marriage, in the relationships of their children, Subhana Allah, those are cultural
		

			homes. And I'm not saying that's a good thing or a bad thing. All I'm saying is, if they are really
brilliant people, I wouldn't mind if they had a slight say, in what I did, or what I said or
whatever happened. But imagine they're unreasonable. They don't understand the generation gap. They
don't understand the likes and dislikes of this generation, they don't understand so many things, or
they want to impose on you, whatever they feel, you know, many people want to just show off, I have
got sons or daughters who are married, and this is the spouse, that showing off doesn't help. I'd
rather have happy children who are married and don't interact so much with me than to have children
		

			who are married who interact a lot with me, but they're unhappy, and they're busy cursing me every
day. So I just thought I'd give you a quick pointer to say, consider the family too. And you know,
when your parents sometimes tell you look at the family, understand if you're going to live with
them, and they're not good people sometimes, no matter how brilliant your spouse is, if they're not
as brilliant, you might have a major problem. In fact, marriages are breaking because of the
families at times. And especially when you have a spouse who does not stand up for you at all, a
spouse who believes that I have to do what ever my mother says because heaven lies at her feet, even
		

			if she's wrong, which is actually wrong. Because you can never obey your folks or your parents in
the disobedience of Allah. And for that I'll be making a separate video. May Allah Subhana Horta,
Allah grant us acceptance of Guru Kohli had our Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.