Mufti Menk – The Rights of Children over Parents and Husband over Wife
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AI: Transcript ©
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Bismillahi Rahmani Raheem
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before I commenced, there is an A an announcement that there are some motor vehicles that are blocking the path of other motor vehicles that would like to depart. So please try and think where you've parked your car. If you have
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Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
May the peace and blessings of Allah subhanho wa Taala
be upon us all tonight.
And may the peace and blessings of Allah subhanho wa Taala continue being upon us.
For indeed without a last Peace and blessings and mercy.
We will we will be suffering day and night
We are more in need of the Peace and blessings of Allah subhanho wa Taala
then we are in need of a and food and drink.
Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen All praises are due to Allah subhanho wa Taala, my Creator, your Creator and creator of everything we see around us, creator of creatures that we do not see as well.
creator of the seen and unseen creator of everything besides himself.
What will suddenly what will suddenly Mahalla hatami ambia mousseline was very healthy lahij Marine Nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi vena cava hearin
wila Abu Bakr and Omar Osman Ali rhodiola one whom Jamia was so happy to be in,
in invited by one man whom one rejina Eli Omen piano
may complete blessings and salutations be upon Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and may they be upon him
every time and all the time.
And may Allah bless
the whole of Russia Dean
as well as the other Sahaba intervene and those who took part in the Battle of bedroom
and offered and hunt duck
and those who took part and pledge allegiance under the tree in her day BIA May Allah bless them.
And may Allah bless the four illustrious Imams and May Allah bless us with all of them. And may Allah grant us all Jenna And may Allah bless our offspring who will come until the day of piano and keep them steadfast in this Deen and make them stronger than us on this Deen and use them to be the flag bearers and torch bearers of this Deen. I mean
honor the rule ama beloved brothers and sisters, I am humbled here to be speaking to you tonight.
Having heard the follow up after my previous visits to this Masjid.
I recall having spoken about the drugs problem
and Al Hamdulillah. What sues my ears is that they are steps in the right direction.
My dear youth if you are involved, remember we love you. And I am repeating and reiterating the fact that we adore you.
And we will help you come out of your problem but you need to own up. You need to develop a link
with the senior members of the community with your own parents with a llama come to this particular Masjid
and speak to the Lama here and inshallah you will find help and guidance and assistance.
We are here to serve the oma of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
and it is only through the service of the oma of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam
that we will attain the pleasure of Allah subhanho wa Taala because by serving them we will be serving Islam and by serving Islam, we are serving Allah subhanho wa Taala
Candela houfy only labadi Makana labdoo Fiona fee.
Allah will continue assisting a worshiper, for as long as that worshiper continues assisting fellow worshipers. We would like a lot to help us therefore we need to help you and you need to help us and you need to help the oma because when we go you need to bear the flag and you need to bear the torch May Allah make us flag bearers and torch bearers
and if you do not solve the crisis,
then there may come a time
when this Deen will be taken to others, and it will be served by others. Who knows? Our generations may be rejected May Allah not do that to us.
Today I wish to enlighten
on a continuation from the topic I spoke of the last time
on the rights of the parents over the child and the child over the parents. Because it is important that we know who are our parents, and we know who are our children and what do we owe them? And what do our children owe us?
And I wish to commence
and before I do, I'd like to make mention of the fact that those who are married and have children. If you've made mistakes, don't worry, we can always rectify those errors inshallah.
We can always rectify the errors. By trying our best. None of us are perfect. But the example I'm about to mention is the perfect example.
And we need to strive and struggle to get there in one way or another.
Once
a man came to Emeryville Hobby Lobby Allahu anhu.
When he was ameerul momineen
and told him, oh ameerul momineen.
This is my son.
The son was in his early teens.
This is my son,
and just explained to him
what his duties are towards me.
Explain to him what his duties are towards me if I have found him, transgressing
the law, one who spoke to the young boy, this is what you owe your father, this is what you should be doing. This is how you must be respecting him. This is how you must appreciate the fact that Allah has chosen him to bring you into this dunya without him, and without Allah subhanho wa Taala you wouldn't have been here
and so on, after all magna carta de la and who made mention
of all or a lot of the rights, the young boy said, I have one question for you. It's quite difficult to speak to Mr. Malhotra, the Allahu anhu when a person doesn't know what he's saying.
Because we all have heard, and we should have heard
what type of a person he was very straightforward. He did not beat about the bush. Because there was no bush in Arabia, it was desert.
He says My question is, you have told me what I owe my father doesn't my father owe me anything? What are my rights? Don't I have any rights as a child?
And robotic Milkha Tavella one who mentioned some points and I want to start with only three of these points. In fact, wherever I've been, I've only spoken on these three points not more.
He says the first rites
and listen very carefully. This is more for those who are not married to listen to.
The first rights that you have over your father is that when marrying, he should have married a pious woman, a woman whom
he felt would have brought up
his children meaning you and the others in the correct manner. Subhan Allah that means in Islam, your unborn child has a right over whom you choose as your spouse Allahu Akbar. Did we know that?
In Islam, when we are marrying my dear brothers and sisters who are unmarried here today, do not just go out and choose the next most Good Looking Character outside there, or the next person who's the richest, and so on.
But remember, you are going out to choose someone who can rear your children for you. You are going out to look for the mother of your children, look for someone who has some religion in them.
And in the case of the women folk, you are looking for someone who can be the fatherly figure of your child, the hero the role model of your own child, someone who can serve as the father figure in the home.
You are looking for a person who is responsible, not just a person who has wealth that wealth will diminish. Not a person who has good looks because after 40 you begin to wrinkle.
Unless you live in Cape Town,
then possibly it starts at 50 or 60.
May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us understanding I have to see if you're awake.
So if we base our decision on character and conduct it can only become better inshallah. And if we base our decision on spirituality, I don't know if people who become worse when they grow to 50 and 60 years old, they become better. They become closer to Allah subhanho wa Taala look at the faces in the masjid. A lot of us are old, including myself.
May Allah subhanahu wa taala grant us understanding
but if we based on decision on beauty, I told you it goes away at times. And if we base our decision on wealth, it can go overnight, how many have we seen
Allah subhanho wa Taala speaks of the rules and regulations regarding wealth and finance in Islam, and the rules of Zakat and so on. And then he says Kayla Hakuna dolla
Amy,
comb, these rules are set in place so that wealth does not remain in the hands of the rich forever. It must turn it must go round and round, the rich become poor, the poor become rich and so on. But those who are medium remain medium and Sharla mediocre, those who know how to strike the balance, may Allah grant us the acceptance, to engage in monetary acts of worship, so that he does not take our wealth away.
And for those who do not have wealth, we make a dua, may Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us that wealth that will come as a blessing and not as a punishment.
So that was the first write imagine the child looked he thought.
And I want to repeat that right. What is it? Your father should have married? a pious woman?
Who would rear the children islamically Allahu Akbar.
We could speak on that for the entire night.
an unborn child, you may never have children. But you have to marry the right spouse, for the sake of Allah. Just in case you have those children they want or they should be the champions of Deen. How will they be? If madrasa tune which means the mother is a school on her own? That mother hasn't really been to a school of spiritual fitness.
That is the first then let's get to the second. When you were born, your father should have given you a good name. A good name that's quite simple to understand. A good name. today. People want to choose names that sound nice, and they have no meaning.
They sound nice, they have no meaning.
One Muslim sister phoned me once
and told me what is the meaning of Maradona? mouth ma do na that which is
without or below?
It's definitely Arabic. Madonna Dalek, yes, it is there. But what are you trying to get at my dear sister? You want to call your child Madonna.
And you want me to give you the Go ahead.
And I gave her a long lecture. And I like to give positive lectures. But that date had to be negative.
There was no ways.
Imagine naming your child using one of the scholars to try and give you a green light who gave the name? Oh smile. That you know the same Mufti we are speaking about, yeah, he told us it's fine stuff, Allah. May Allah save us the rights
of the child that you name the child. Some people change the names when they grow up, because they dissatisfied with what the parents called him. I hope if anyone has done that it's for the right reasons.
And the third is that a young boy, as you grew up,
and you learned to utter words, the first words that your father should have taught you are the words of the Quran and the words of Allah subhanho wa Taala. The young boy looked and said, Yeah, ameerul momineen.
My father,
marry the girl of the street, slave girl, you that is dangerous.
And he gave me a very bad name. And to this day, I don't know anything of the Quran.
Automatically the admonition
shifted
from the child to the Father.
Why do I say this today? It is our duty to teach our children as well to inculcate in them values as parents, to inculcate in them respect of others, they do not respect us because we do not respect ourselves, the words we utter in their presence, we need to be very careful what words we use, we forgotten that those who have the habit of smoking must ensure that they never smoke in the presence of their children.
How can we swear our wives in the presence of our own children? In fact, we shouldn't even be swearing them. Even our children are not they?
Even in the privacy of our room? How can those words come out of our mouth?
Recently, I attended a conference of Muslim schools in Pretoria
and one of the fine educators from India happened to ask a question
connected to
The role model.
He asked how many of you your role model is a teacher or a parent?
The results
were that the majority
had a role model who was neither a teacher no apparent. So what do you want from the child now?
Who is bringing up this child, not you.
Not even the teacher. But children, just like the child, or the children.
The child is being brought up by children, the same age at school, and elsewhere.
And I tell you, those whose role model is a parent, they are the biggest success stories.
Because the parent is there 24 seven,
those whose role model is a parent who happens to be a teacher at the same time, neuron Allah.
May Allah grant us all understanding.
You've learned from your father that is the apostle. That is the original method Your father is supposed to have taught you sit down here. Listen, my dear son, when you eat, this is the type this is how you should eat Yahoo lamb samila will be Amina Kawakami, Malik, Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam tacos who lived with him.
Oh, young boy, when you eat, say the name of Allah Bismillah. And eat with your right hand and eat from that which is closest to you don't stretch,
and so on how to put in a morsel in your mouth, who is going to teach you that? How many of us are guilty, not only of not teaching our children, we don't even know. We don't even know how many of us have set with our children and developed the confidence of the child? How do you develop the confidence of a child? Every time the child does something wrong? We start screaming and shouting, Hey, stop doing this. I'll give you a hiding and so on. Yes, once in a while it's healthy. And when we are admonishing the child, or using the stick, the intention, Islam says is not to cause bodily harm.
It is just to serve as a reminder,
as a reminder,
and I want to raise another point. Regarding wives. Some men say no, the Quran gives us permission to beat our wives. Go and look at the Sahaba or the Allahu anhu. How did they interpret the verse? They use the miswak. And they used to just attract the attention you see why sometimes a woman doesn't want to look at you, you talking to her she doesn't want to look so to attract the attention. You don't take a cricket bat or a baseball and you start seeing a look here or else.
And most probably if she says what else What you say? Well, I'll put it down. May Allah save us because you know, she will probably beat you even in a worse manner.
I see work was used just to draw the attention a listen to me. You know, just look here.
What you did was not fair. Engage the brain, rather than just imposing so a little child, instead of just scolding and shouting, why don't you involve the child in decision making from a very early age. Now you must be thinking this man is crazy. How can we involve a child in decision making at the age of seven? No, I am not talking about the big decisions of the house. A minor issue.
This is my son come here. You know, we want to have breakfast in the morning. I that 70547 What do you say? Does it make a difference?
What are you doing? The only you are building the confidence of the child if the child says seven so let it be okay exactly seven we all sit here you'll be here as well. Today we want to listen to you.
exactly five or seven. Whatever the child says. The difference is five minutes of those major decisions. Nothing. But at least the child feels confident Hey, my father respects me and the child will respect you in return.
Subhana Allah, my son come here. We want to buy shoes for you.
Do you want the white shoe with the blue or the blue shoe with the white? Well, it's the same shoe you're talking about.
If it's blue with white bring it is blue with white. If it's white with blue bring it it's still white with blue. It's like someone asking me does a zebra have? Is it black with white stripes or white with black stripes? Brother, it is a zebra.
Yes, it reminds me of my own teaching. When I tell the people white and blue and blue and white. It's the same thing. But the child feels important. And the child will never know what you said.
But we need to help the child build the child's confidence. Otherwise the child will live in a cocoon and what will happen the day it comes out you will be the first victim of the wrath of that child.
The child will never respect you.
A child makes a noise. I mean, how many of us are adults and we still make noise
that we want to say Shut up. Why do we not choose the right words? The day we say shut up
The child would say back to us back to the mother when we are not there. Or back to the Father. Nowadays, it's the other way around, isn't it? I had a man who came to me with a bruised face. I said, What happened? He says husband bashing. I said, Oh, amazing. The tables have turned. It's a round table, it's quick to turn.
We'd rather choose words that are more beautiful to say, listen, keep quiet, please. Brilliant. If you raise your voice, you lose respect in the house. How many of us scream so loudly that really makes us look ugly? Do you know that there are marital problems that are caused by screaming just screaming? The more you scream, the more your spouse dislikes you. Honestly, screaming is a bad habit. Try to strive to stop it. And you will find happiness in the home. Sit with your wife with your husband and agree to night say You know what? From tonight, our volume doesn't go above three. I hope three is not the maximum, but it doesn't go above three.
You either say keep quiet. Or you say keep quiet. Or you say keep quiet. And that's it. It cannot get worse than that.
And it shouldn't.
And sometimes instead of saying keep quiet, you can use even a better word. Silence.
It's a bit of work. You've got a choice. Why don't we use our brains these are children and are manna from Allah. Let me give you another example. Someone goes for Hajj and they give you the keys of the house and say brother, look after this house here.
What have they done? Have they given you a license to now go in and say I don't like this toilet, take it out, call the builder remove this thing here. Take that out. Take this out. I don't like the way this The kitchen is pleased to take the stove out of here and put it there. It's not your house. It's an Amana you got to give it back in the same form or in a better form. You can put a tray of chocolate so when they come in, they can see Mashallah.
That is a house. If someone gives you the car and says, Listen, I'm parking it here, you can use it. But I'm going to be back anytime once I'm finished my work. I'm going to be back and I'm going to come for this car. What will you do? Can you now change the wheels and the tires and the mags and the color and the paint and everything and sell it and buy another one and say listen when he comes back? No, you know what? You had a Mercedes and now I've got the latest Corolla for you.
Is it fair? You either give him you say look, you had a Corolla. It came in here. I decided I had a good deal. I sold it and I got you the latest merch. Does it sound better?
Next time we'll come to you with two cars.
It reminds me of a person.
He went to borrow a pot from next door when he had a wedding at his house. You know a dig they call it a dig in the Urdu language.
He went to borrow the big pot from next door. So he used it for the wedding. and thereafter, he forgot to return it so when he forgot to return it. He felt guilty because the neighbor asked after a few months Hey, what happened to my pot? He says Oh, that pod gave birth.
That's why it was in confinement. Because they excuse and he gave back a pot with another little pot inside. He said Oh, the neighbor was so happy. Excited. Next time he asked for one pot, the neighbor gave three
and the neighbor gave three the pots never came back. The neighbor was happy. He said now I'll have six.
So now what happened is
when the neighbor came two, three months later What happened to my pots? The men began to cry they die brother, Allahu Akbar. May Allah save us.
So I was saying about the motor vehicle. When we give it back to the owner, we either give back the same car as it was or better. Our children are also an Amana from Allah.
We have got them from Allah as a gift ask those who don't have children how much they crime Allah grant and children who will be the coolness of their eyes.
And when we have a child, that child is similar to this Amana that I spoke about moments ago, we either give it back to Allah better or exactly how it is.
We understand it when it comes to someone's house and car. Why don't we understand it when it comes to our children. And Allah says I'll take it back any time. Your child might leave during your lifetime, it might leave in infancy, it might leave at the age of 1617. And if you haven't taught it a thing, him or her a thing regarding Allah, that child will grip you by the neck on the day of piano Allah my mother, my mother, she wanted me to be a big doctor not realizing
that it happened at the expense of this day. I was dying at 16 I died at 16 I don't know the Quran, but I can read to you my chemistry book.
Does it help? No it doesn't. I am not saying do not pursue studies. No. balance it with the education of Islam. balance it
You can become a doctor, lawyer and accountant and everything within the limits of Islam and the Sharia.
And you can even go out to work within limits of Islam in the Sharia, bearing in mind the dress code, the separation and so on. It is not impossible. But what is very vital and more vital
is to bear in mind that that child you're educating, have you qualified the education of the dunya and the education of the earth era? Or are you only concentrating on one
you're only concentrating on one. Let's make a minute tonight inshallah, make an intention tonight. Today, rather than the father teaching. Allah has made it easy for us. We have a llama, we have little modalities madrasahs we send our children to the masjid and hamdulillah.
What are these stats doing? They are fulfilling our duty, Allah is not going to ask them as much as he asked us, yes, they are responsible for their flock, but we are the prime
people who are responsible of our children.
The decisions are made by us allowed to say why did you send your child to that school? Prepare an answer.
Why did you send your child there and here prepare an answer.
Then I want to inform you of something else.
After having said that a child is an Amana and we need to prepare the child for both because you must think of the probability and possibility that the child might die. How many of us have children and we look at the child and we think this child might die before me? It is normal to think that why does Allah put the thought in everyone's mind and heart? Every single parent has thought that about the child Honestly, I don't know of an exception.
Adult goes through your head. What if this child does not live long? What if? Why does the thought come to you? Because Allah is preparing you to say okay, so prepare the child for that.
So prepare the child for leaving prior to that age. And who knows the child might have an age longer than yours. There was a time when mostly adults used to sorry the children used to bury the adults. Today the tables have turned every day. How many cases do we have where the adults are burying their own children? Well, ah here I'm telling you, the tables are turning. The lesson is for all of us. This is an Amana Do not be depressed when it is taken away. For if you have looked after it, inshallah, it will be a means of your entry in Jana.
May Allah subhanho wa Taala guidance and assistance. Now what happens when the Allah fulfill our role for us?
They see something minor to the child.
Sometimes the child might come home and lie to you as well. Hey, you know what, that surely insulted us, man. Or you beat me. And you go, you roll up your sleeves? Where are you going rolled up sleeves, you're going to beat someone who's fulfilling your religious responsibility for you. You're going to shout the alum and the molana and the chef at the madrasa. Why? Because you haven't realized that this person is actually fulfilling your role. Believe me, anyone who has insulted the teachers of his or her child
is actually cursing their own child.
May Allah save us don't.
years ago, our parents used to tell us that when they were in madressa, their parents used to say look, the bones are ours, the flesh is yours. That was a famous scene. Which means Listen, you do what you have to for this child. Yesterday, all the madrasahs have rules and regulations.
Respect the child teach the child respect. How will you teach the child respect by respecting even the teachers of the child? If there is a problem and the child raises a problem, don't ignore it.
But dig a little bit. Question the child. Try and find possible loopholes in the child statement.
In a very gentle way, don't just brush it off. Otherwise, that's another problem. And then tell the child look Don't worry, I will deal with it.
Then if you go back to the teacher, you can speak about the problem to the teacher to say Look, I don't believe the child but the child has raised this. How do you suggest we solve the matter? Simple as that respect. You are now living a life of a person whom everyone will make to offer.
If you are going to go rolling up your sleeves What have you taught the child? Why do you think children do not respect the madressa as much
They respect the schools go into any madressa and ask them how many of you have been laid for school, no one puts up their hand. How many of you been laid for madressa? The whole madressa puts up their hand. It's happening. Because the parents themselves are to blame. They're not striking the right balance. whenever anything goes wrong at home this year, I'm going to tell you a molana. I'm gonna tell the chef, why don't they say I'm going to tell you a school teacher, Mr. So and so and Mrs. so and so? Why do you want to blame? Why do you want to give a bad name to the Ola? For what reason?
May Allah grant us understanding, then there is another very important aspect. We've learnt
from the teachings of Rasulullah, sallAllahu, alayhi wasallam.
That the company of a person
and the friends of a person have the greatest impact upon the person. So now what is the solution? It's a crisis.
The solution is you become the best friend of your child. That is the solution. How? By opening discussion at a very young age with the child, allowing the child to air his or her views. Because if you don't allow that, they will be airing their views with others their age, and they are going to get answers of the questions they are asking from others who are not qualified to answer the questions.
They might ask you questions, which attorneys might make you blush, let's be honest.
But you need to understand you need to respond to those questions in a responsible manner.
And you also need to tell your child Listen, those questions asked me, I'll tell you, but if you go to others, it's not going to be right. They might feel offended, and so on, answer the child and then prepare the child for marriage. From a very early age, how sometimes some people teach their children. I know a few days ago, we were sitting with one youngster 10 years old. So the father was saying, yes, we're looking for a wife or my son here. And the son says, No, I'm not going to get married. So what do you mean, you're not? No, never, never ever? Those are statements, you'll be the first to get married, you see.
Because at that age, it's right. He's breaking the ice with the child. So I was sitting in the motor vehicle, we were actually on a journey. And I said,
when we look for a good girl, who can be the mother of the children, someone who can give them a good upbringing, what am I doing? I'm trying to let the child listen to what type of a woman he has to look for the day he's looking for one. So from the very early age, he doesn't just fall in love with anyone. And vice versa. We know it's a crisis. The method and the approach today most probably is totally Haram, but it's happening. What should we do? We should guide our children to stay and try and stay away from it. And if they're going to fall in the trap, they'd rather fall in the trap with someone whom you can approve of tomorrow to say no, that's a good choice. Allahu Akbar. May
Allah save us look how low event to stupid. There is a crisis in the Muslim Ummah, we are not in any way condoning the illicit activity that is going on outside No, but we are trying to say damage control will only be possible if you thought of it in advance.
You are forced to send your children we can't just lock our children in the in the room and leave for work every morning and come back and open the lock and say my child is still there, because the day the child is let out of that cage, it will spring straight to the nightclub
and straight to the bar and stay to the opposite * and so on. May Allah save us.
For him and as
Roche de
la him
Allah speaks of the orphan child in Surah Nisa, and Allah says babatel oneota Amma had
you must test the child when they get to a certain age when they get to maturity and puberty test the child read the Tafseer of that how to test the child is explained by Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam
give them a responsibility and see how they fulfill it when they come back guide them tell them look we can do better inshallah excellent commend wherever commendation is required commend
some of us we just look at the negatives as you're wrong. Yeah, you wrongly you did bad you did this a child came out third in the class you say not good enough. What do you mean not good enough? The child is dead. Tell them brilliant excellent Mashallah.
A child past 10 subjects but with with C's and B's, you say Ah, there's no easier man. What are you doing to the child? How many doctors have we ever gone to for a heart condition? And we say, Doctor, hang on before you operate on me. What did you get from a trick? Has it ever happened? No ways. We're not interested in what the doctor got. He could have failed 10 times just as well. No one told you that to either say Hang on, hang on, let me die instead of coming.
To you, you fail 10 times Whoa.
So that shows you we need to look at the positive side of what our children have produced and what we have produced out of our children and what Allah has decided to give us in the form of a gift and whatever is negative, then we need to concentrate on it in a positive manner, I hope you understand my language here is a problem. Rather than saying Shut up, tell them to keep quiet, even by the signs have your eyes,
open your eyes wide. Look at the child from the corner of your of your eye. Oh, if the visitors see you being that they're gonna say this man must be murdering his children, women not here.
But whatever it is, these are different methods of solving the same crisis. A child breaks something in the house. Hey, now and you start screaming and clapping the child up. You might have broken it, it could have slipped out of your hands. Think carefully. What are you doing to the child, you are creating a distance between you and your own child.
But if you are a true friend, say, Don't worry, we'll cover up before mommy comes.
We'll cover up before daddy comes so that the child knows it's done something wrong.
all at the same time, say Don't worry, this is the first to do it again. We might act differently finished. You've told the child something. Don't even scream. How many of us when the child has broken something, we can look at the child and say, Don't worry, I'm here. We've cleaned it up. Come help me to clean it. This is how you should do it. That's what's more important.
Only when it's a child of a guest who's come to your house and your child sees double standards. Why? moments ago the child broke something and got slapped. And now the visitor's child breaks something and says no, don't worry, make sure you don't get hurt with a classmate.
That's exactly what we're doing today. Look at the doubles. Now your child is looking and thinking.
I'm gonna fix this daddy of mine. Now, I'm going out. I'm going home. I'm going away. I'm going somewhere I'm going to my friend's house. The child thinks the child has a brain. No double standards in the house. That's what you owe your children. You must measure everyone with the same measure tape.
And befriend your child be a friend of your child.
You tell your child listen. So who do you like? Yeah, come on. Don't lie. There's all these girls here. Who do you like? A child say No, nobody? Not at all. No, daddy, you say listen to me. You wait until you're older. We're gonna get you someone who's like this like this and say the qualities that you want your child to look for,
say them. And when you ask the child who do you like here? You did not ask the child in order to get a negative answer. Just in order that you can raise the topic.
You'll be surprised how many will say I like that one day, you'll be surprised from the age of five and 10. They will tell you in the classroom who they love. And they've got a crush on May Allah save us. But that is the condition of the oma today. I'm being honest with you, we need to deal with it. And I repeat again, don't get me wrong. I'm not condoning that type of behavior. Not at all. I am only presenting methods of dealing with a crisis once each day, and thinking of it in advance, like I did the last time when we spoke on drugs.
Now when you've got a good link, you can talk to them say you know what the type of friends you keep. Can I tell you what type of friends you should have have good friends, people who don't sway people who like their parents, and so on.
And go out and play with your child, play with a little football, take your child recreation. That's why I tell people who work from five o'clock in the morning to eight o'clock at night to say Do you know what? You're going to be questioned on the day of piano? You're going to earn money? Yes, for what? For the betterment of your family. That family is not going to be there in a few years time. They're going to be on the streets on drugs and alcohol because you were never there for them when they most needed you. It is worth 10,000 grands to have a meal with your whole family. Remember that.
So if you are having one meal, the evening meal for example, with all your children and your wife put together you can smile at each other help each other out. And look that is worth 10,000 rands Believe me
and the weekend comes switch off your phone put it on the side. You spend your time with your children let them love you.
Football okay with me Let's go we create a team bring your friends come I also want to play Come on. Have two three parents come to the children let them score goals. You know we when we were young we used to say they playing for butter and beans. Make sure they don't hear you say that. It means they playing just like that. And we're not serious when it comes to them. We don't want to use those terms because children understand even at a What do you mean I play for button be you playing daddy for button beans, not me.
I scored the goal properly. You guys are the ones we let your goal go through daddy.
Yes.
And trust the children. They might play better football they might have to do that so that you feel nice.
May Allah save us.
So this is the relationship we should have. It's an Islamic relationship
and we have a crisis in
Now we need to solve it. Now let me speak to the youngsters. What do we owe our parents? Remember, I cannot discuss every single point tonight, I have just created the first to say, look, we should really have a brilliant relationship.
What do the children Oh, the parents Now, before I get to that, what's the vital importance is that ourselves, within our marriages, make sure that you understand that we are not marrying so that we can go to Hawaii on a holiday and have fun.
Because if that's why we married the day, we returned from Hawaii, there's a divorce. Everything is over. The fun I had is gone. I married you because you had bucks. Because you had money. The day the money is over, everything is over. No. We need to understand when you marry, it is a very big sacrifice. Listen to me. are men and women who are here married today? It's a very big sacrifice, give and take.
They will be things you don't like listen to brothers brought up in the same home? Sometimes they don't get on? Agreed? What about people who have had a totally different upbringing? Do you think they're gonna get along all their lives?
One mother, one father brought up in the same way to brothers, brothers and sisters. They don't speak to each other for 10 years. It's happened I'm sure you know of examples.
So now you expect husband and wife brought up in two separate environments to suddenly click like a house on fire? Do you know why they call it out on fire? Because fire burns down a few things, doesn't it? Yes, it burns.
No, we need to sacrifice we need to help each other. Understand. Don't doubt the biggest sickness in marriages is suspicion.
If you don't trust the woman, why did you marry her? If you don't trust his use of the cell phone?
Then why why are you with him? Why were you with him in the first place.
And remember, I know and I can tell you through experience those marriages where they decided to get together after a huge problem. They are far more solid than those marriages that have not had problem yet, at times.
Because now you've realized a I made I I fell and my wife helped me get up.
I fell and my husband helped me get up.
I owe that to them. To realize it in a lot of the cases. And I'm telling you this because I am involved as well in this counseling.
May Allah subhanho wa Taala accepted from one at all. And may Allah save us all.
Now if we have a bad relation, any small thing, right? I want to go a lot of the women small thing I need a Tulloch. I need a lock. I'm going to molana Oh, huge applications. What's the problem? He swore when everyone swears they beat us. Well, you're lucky doesn't beat.
Oh, he beat me Oh, well, they bruises Well, you're lucky he hasn't bruised. They use knives in other managers. And the women come and say well, at least he's given me a house. I'll stay they think of it. Sometimes a jealous element I know of a real case, where there was a woman who phoned and says, You know what? I know this is the house of Allah. Let me try and tone down this problem. The woman says, You know what? Your husbands committed the sin with me. This woman is saying
to who? It's an anonymous caller. She says, and I can describe your whole house for you. I can prove that I was there. So this woman comes and says I need a lock. And I looked at her and I said, You know what? You are here with this man who is this man. She says this is the man we're talking about. So husband of mine that I wanted a lot from the fact that the two of you have come here together is a sign that there is still a flame on the candle.
And to be honest with you, I told her, to me it's a lie. It's a jealous element. Someone else
wants to get hold of this handsome fine husband of yours. So the only way they can come into the picture is if you are out of it. And the only way they can get you out of it is to make a call to you and to tell you these things.
She says I didn't look at it that way. So yes, now you are falling exactly into the trap.
Exactly where she wants you. She wanted you to ask for a talaq as soon as she found you asked for the talaq remote control, not even remote control voice control.
She spoke to you and you're doing what she wants. Why do we have to react in the way of shaytan? No, come back. Yes, you can discuss the problem. Listen, my dear husband today somebody phoned in this what they said except his explanation accepted. If you don't, you're gonna cry and you're gonna cry more when the person who planned it comes into the picture.
May Allah save us.
So remember this before we speak about what the children are the parents, the parents need to handle themselves in a dignified manner to make sure that
They are living in the house, in accordance with the teachings of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. What happened when people accused eyeshadow the Aloha? What happened? They were lying. If they could lie about the wife of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam Do you think they can lie about my wife and yours? They will make even bigger lies.
Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, how did he react? he reacted with silence. Silence. He was silent for a whole month. He was pondering thinking, he went through great pain and difficulty, because on one side, he says, I know this wife of mine, she can't do it. But if I go out to clarify her name, as a messenger of Allah, I wonder what will happen.
Imagine what the cliff and what pain you must have gone through
for the whole month. And Allah subhanho wa Taala wanted to teach us all a lesson that watch this tongue of ours. Don't accuse people.
Don't go out to break marriages. If you have if you are a Mormon, and you've seen a man going out with someone besides his own wife, talk to him not to her.
Go to him, my dear brother. You know what? Very soon people will start phoning your wife. Why do you want to close? But now what do we do? We found the wife Hey, I'm an anonymous caller. Have a good Muslim brother. You know what I care for you? You know what? You are a good sister. But your husband is doing this. At this time he was here in the Allahu Akbar. May Allah save us.
Is that a good Muslim brother, someone who breaks a home. Listen to what Allah says in the hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam which means Allah subhanho wa Taala has told us through Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that shaytan has his HQ on the water. He has his headquarters on the water and he sends his armies every day.
And they come back to him saying file to a file to and he says Mafalda. One says I did this and I did that. And he says, No, you guys did nothing. Until one shaytan comes and says I did not leave them until I separated husband and wife. And he says,
Come let me give you a prize. Come sit right next to me here.
Because he knows and listen to this very carefully. You know, prior to marriage, what is shaytans job to beautify the opposite *. So now you're looking at her with the eyes of shaytan so she's so beautiful and so nice and shaytans job is to try and make you commit Zina.
So now when you marry her shaytan makes a 180 degree turn. The minute you say Naka to her water bill to her What does a watch to her shaytan turns and now he makes you fight. So now when you go back, and you're looking at a say but this is not the same woman I knew man.
Honestly, so many come to us with problems and say, but my husband is not how he used to be before. That's because before shaytan beautified something that wasn't even there for you. So you could commit Zina. Now shaytan needs you to fight so you can come at dinner with someone else. Allahu Akbar. Do you see the plan of shaitaan shaytans job the minute Danica is made. That's why Allah wants you eat tequila, tequila, tequila, tequila so many times in that particular fear Allah Watch out, be careful what your tongue don't fall in the trap of shape and be careful. Remember, even Adam and Hawa are mentioned in those verses for you to know that shaytan also tried it with them and so
on. Now when you get married, watch out, let shaytan not separate you but you go home first thing Oh, I know of an incident in Johannesburg. They had a big hole, huge hole.
May Allah allow us to have our functions within the limits of the Sharia. We definitely need to abstain from things that displease Allah. We have days of happiness on those days of eat and nikka the only the only being we are the only person we are actually pleasing is shapen.
And Allah who gave us that happy day is displeased because of how we dress because of the intermingling because of the beat and the dancing. May Allah save us.
So there was an incident where
the walima
husband and wife were sitting together, what should I say bride and groom and the groom says, Please pass the salad and the wife says, Get it yourself. He says Turlock, Turlock, Turlock and he walked out. Yes, it's a true story.
Believe me, it does happen. And when people asked him why he says, if this what she can do now, I wonder what she'll do later. May Allah save us. There's no shortage of women in the world. That's what they say. But there's a shortage of men.
May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us understanding and voila, my address to the women folk. Let us learn sometimes I know of people whose marriages are suffering turbulence just because the wife doesn't get up on time and make the beds. That's all. I asked the man he says but I divorced because of that. She must get up and make the beds
or at least you must get up and clean the rooms open the windows and curtains early morning.
May Allah subhanho wa Taala save us try to understand your husbands and your wife.
I better not say wives your wife.
May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant our sisters the ability to comprehend. Allah is not my ruling. The issue of polygamy is not from me. He's from Allah. He knows why it's the I, it's not my issue. I cannot deny it. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us acceptance to understand it at least, especially the women folk. Normally, you won't hear that, I mean, coming very fast from the women.
So here we have a crisis whereby the children are brought up confused, because there is a problem between husband and wife, and many a time that children are used as scapegoats. You know, I look at people who have divorced, and the mother or the father are using the children as a weapon. No, you mustn't go to mommy, you mustn't go to daddy and so on. They don't even they want to lie to them sometimes to say that this person is not even your father, sometimes that is what happens. They change their names and so on. And I look at them and I say they are fooling none other than Allah, and the ones who suffer the most are not you will meet the children, the children, they hate their
children, if they do that, honestly. Why? Because they have not realized and understood that the link on the day of tiama the child will be looking for the real parent, and you have blocked it all your life. What answer Are you going to give Allah subhanho? wa Taala? What type of children do you expect?
May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant a savior.
So there's a lot that can be said, regarding husband and wife relationship, but we need to understand sacrifice. Do not raise your voice do not swear at each other. Allah subhanho wa Taala speaks in the Quran.
Sunil Kumar,
to labor law.
They are like clothing unto you and you are like clothing unto them. What does it mean? Well, I can speak to you for one, two hours on that just on that verse. Look, clothing. Now we are all wearing clothing. How many of us are wearing something that's too small for us? No one. How many of us are wearing something 10 sizes bigger than us? No one. Everyone weighs his size, a size bigger size smaller, something that fits and looks decent. When you are looking for a wife. Look for someone your size. And I'm not talking of physical size. I'm talking of a spiritual size. And talking of Kapha your level, your level of living similar or one step higher, lower, no problem. But how can
someone marry a person who is extremely different in every single way? The Quran is saying it may work. But the guidelines are like this. I'm not saying it won't work. It may work if you're lucky. But you taking a risk.
A very big risk.
I mean, just imagine someone who's size 12 and they wearing a size eight jacket and they're walking around like this. No one would do that. That's what Allah says. They are like clothing unto you. Every example of clothing fits into husband and wife. Let me take it even further.
When it's cold, what do we do we put on a jacket.
Why it protects us from adverse weather conditions. a spouse should protect you from adverse outside conditions. People try to attack damage you must cover Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam came down to Khadija taburiente Allahu Tabata. catalana What did he say? Some melanism Maloney Cover me cover me Allahu Akbar.
They should be a form of protection for one another.
Today, what protection do we give our spouses? Let's be honest.
We are ready to disgrace them in public. We are ready to believe rumors about them what protection from the outside world and from the adverse conditions. Are we ready to give them another thing? You have had an operation on your stomach from one corner to the other? Can anyone see it? Only your clothing knows and your clothing blocks it and makes it look so nice and smart and beautiful.
What does that mean when you marry the innermost difficulties and weaknesses of yours will become apparent and clear to your wife and husband.
But it is their duty to cover it and beautify it as it comes out. Allahu Akbar. That is libous. I told you it's a very diverse
clothing is so important.
Then, obviously, on a very, very hot day, you cannot wear a huge jersey
because it will result in sweating. adverse conditions.
Don't wear that which is too heavy. It's wrong for the occasion. It is inappropriate. Don't wear somebody else's clothing. That's a very straightforward example.
Don't wear somebody else's clothing. I see we've understood it is
male awesome.
Hana hautala grandpa's understanding.
I think I've said enough when it comes to husband and wife. Let me shift on to the children, the children, they need to respect their parents. Firstly, they need to understand that the parents are their champions, the parents might have weaknesses. But those are the parents that Allah has chosen. You know, sometimes we think we are old. I read a book recently, and I've still got it.
lyocell Raja Latif Lang Hata mucho mucho, that's a book.
A man remains a baby for as long as his mother is alive. Allahu Akbar. You can be 50 6070 you are a baby, somebody's baby.
Until your mother is alive, you are a baby. Do you phone her? Do you visit her? Do you see her?
Do you allow your wife to see her mother? Whether she's Muslim or not? Yes, the only time you can prohibit it is when the mother is extremely bad influence.
So we are not talking here only to little children to tell the me You must make sure you respect your father and your mother. You are also a child I am also a child. Both my parents are alive. May Allah grant him long and healthy lives.
So we need to understand that we have a duty as children, our parents, no matter what we need to make dua for them. We need to go to them seek advice from them.
Especially the mother. We need to sit with her on a regular basis just to listen to her. Mommy, I've come here for you to tell me a story of 1935 1940s 1945 Tell me what you remember from your childhood. Well, ah, he it will make her so happy to relive her youth.
Do we know that five minutes sit with her you'll be the favorite child.
Because no one does that. That's all she needs. Do you know how mother feels Let me tell you.
This is how a mother feels.
The day she was pregnant with you. She was so happy, so happy. She got sick. She began to suffer morning sickness. She went to the doctor. She was in pain. for nine months she suffered up and down. No one knows how she handled every time you became heavier, she became happier. Every time she couldn't walk properly. She knew the baby's healthy Alhamdulillah she had medication for you, in order to ensure that you were okay.
And then suddenly, one day the sound of the ambulance Allahu Akbar, why she's in labor with who with you.
She, she almost crossed the line of death was giving birth to you. Do you know that? She almost crossed the line of death was giving birth to you. That is why men can never fall pregnant and they can never give birth. They don't have it in them. It's a law who dictates and who imposed it on women to hold and to give birth. The man's job is the easiest in the whole process. Think about it.
Now law save us
when you were born.
Go and look at the mothers those who are married. Look at your wives. When the children are born. Your mother suffered sleepless nights for you.
sleepless, she gave it up. She made sure a time she went into a different room so that that he was not disturbed it happened.
And then
when you go sick,
she rushed you to the doctor. She fed you She looked after you. She changed your nappy.
Yes, we can be 60 years old today, but that's what happened.
When we missed she was so happy when we urinated. She covered it up. She never disgraced us, she would still smile at us and make us laugh and smile.
And she would quickly clean up even if we happen to urinate in the lounge. She forgave us.
And as we grew up, she became happy. They spent money on us. They looked after us they brought us clothes, they made sure they took us to the doctors. And as we grew up, they began to teach us words when the first words came out of our mouths, what joy brought to them.
Imagine if they knew that at 18 you are going to be on drugs. Just imagine Think about it.
Or at 19 you are going to decide to marry someone and keep them totally out of the picture. Imagine
without even talking to them without even trying to convince them. Look, I need to marry this person.
Or you are going to hate them at the age of 20 Yala. Take my parents away the obstacle in my life. Whoa, whoa.
They just gave birth to you. They suffered for 20 years now this is what they get in return.
And then they sent you to school, they spent money. They gave you lunch, your father went to work from morning to evening so he could bring back the 1000 2000 brands so that you could have food.
Some of us have had very humble beginnings.
Now it's become slightly easier. Others suffered.
Some had planted planted in the garden, certain vegetables and fruits so that you could eat because they couldn't afford it.
Others used to work to three shifts in order to allow the family to eat.
And then they suffered to send you to high school and further and beyond. What do they get in return? The biggest fear? Oh, may Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us. I don't even want to mention what is happening today. Do you think our parents deserve it after all that, especially the mother,
especially the mother.
If you'd like Jenna, serve your parents
serve your parents. There is a hadith where Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam was stepping on the member. And he said I mean thrice. One of the reasons why he said Amina one of the hours when jabril Annie Salaam says, will be and destruction be upon the one
who has seen one or both of his parents in old age. And that has not resulted in them entering gender, or in him entering gender, for in her entering gender.
That means you met one of your parents or both of them, you saw them when they were in old age and you did not serve them. They were not happy with you. May Allah grant us the ability to solve our matters with our parents.
If a father makes a dua or a mother for a child, there is no barrier between the two and Allah subhanho wa Taala.
Why because they have suffered Allah chose them to bring up this child.
Now suddenly the sun gets married. The day the sun gets married, there is happiness everywhere, they will look for you, your mother will help you to identify a girl a bride.
And in the case of a female a groom. Now the day you marry, does it mean suddenly you just divorced your mother? No, your mother remains your mother.
What What is her fear? Now my son will forget me.
And now the son goes away to Australia or elsewhere. New Zealand, Fiji, islands, Jamaica and so on. Never to even phone to say you know what, Mommy? I've arrived. Mommy, I'm Well, once a month. Oh, believe me. If you have a specific date, she'll sit at nine o'clock in the morning waiting for your phone call, believe me? Because that is the feeling.
Don't we owe that to our parents? Some of us live with our parents. Can't we spend two minutes five minutes with them on a daily basis? How you feeling? Oh, I've been making to offer your league. I've been making to ask for your problem. They will feel so happy.
Do we even sit with them for a moment. This is what we owe our parents, the children. We need to respect our parents. And remember the parents who are here today. We need to earn the respect of our parents in our children in Sharla. earn the respect. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us understanding we have a crisis in the Muslim Ummah, in the sense that no one knows what rights who has over home. And even if people know they are oblivious, and sometimes people stretch it and say no, but my father is like this. And no, but I am the exception because my mother is like that. No ways. Allah goes as far as saying
that even those who have non Muslim parents, you are meant to be good to them.
The only time you disobeyed them is when they command you to do something haram then you don't agree.
But otherwise, if you have a Christian father, Allah guide all those to Islam.
And he tells you Hey, give me the water. You don't need to listen to a please from him. If he says please it is goodness, even if it doesn't, it becomes part of on you. You need to get up and get that water. It's not hard. But when he says hey, pass me a bottle of beer, you say, Daddy, I respect you so much. Really? But my religion doesn't allow me you don't say I'm not gonna do that. You crazy
unless you have a good relationship with your father.
To explain
and this is the way we will solve the problems of the oma. Why did I start with the family unit today? Why did I decide to talk on children and parents and parents and children husband and wife because that is the core that is the core. Today there are two environments we are concentrating on one. The other is still a chapter on its own. The inside the internal
environment inside the house. That's one. But more important is when your child walks out of the house who is the child with? That's very important. That is why which school you send your child to is of utmost importance. Which neighborhood you live in. I know of people whom I have advised, shift your neighborhood Why? Because the child is on the worst habits and the friends are here, if you can afford it, and obviously this is not for everyone, if you can afford it shift elsewhere, so from day one, you can help the child get different things and you physically remove the child from that company.
May Allah guide our children, may Allah guide us May Allah help our offspring And may Allah subhanho wa Taala keep us and our offspring on Deen. May Allah make the challenge the challenge of parenting easy and May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us acceptance in the dunya and in the era of sallallahu wasallam or Barak Island Amina Mohammed Subhan Allah Subhana Coloma behind the condition to Allah Allah Allah and Allah.
Allah masala send him that even Aveda Allah Habiba halal healthy Colima Allahumma salli wa sallim wa barik ala Abdi Guevara zuleika Muhammad wa ala Ali was happy Jemaine ALLAH forgive our sins yeah Allah, Allah we seek forgiveness on the CVR Allah Allah on this Eve on this Eve we asked you all goodness Allah Allah bless us on the CV Allah, Allah have mercy on us on this evening Allah and have mercy on us every day Allah Allah safeguard the women of this Almighty Allah says God the wives of the sumaiya Allah, Allah says God the men and husbands of this oh my Allah, Allah says God the youth and the children of this Almighty Allah and the adults and old people of this oh my Allah have mercy
on me Allah, Allah wherever there are Muslims who are suffering Allah ease their suffering Allah, Allah everyone who is here is going through different problems and difficulties and sicknesses. Yala Grantham cure for their own peculiar sicknesses. Yalla Yalla Grantham is for their own peculiar difficulties. Yalla Yalla everyone is going through different elements and issues of pressure Yala. You ease the pressure Yala. You ease the tension Yeah, Allah Allah grant us minds that will be comfortable Yeah, Allah minds that will be at ease at all times. Yeah, Allah, Allah you save us from all the problems of this dunya and save us from the worst problems which will happen in the accuray
Allah, Allah we asked you generally Allah, Allah cannot agenda without, without, without kitabi Allah, Allah allow us to look at others with the eyes of love Allah, Allah allow us to look at our children and parents and in laws and husbands and wives with the eyes of love Allah, Allah let us look at everyone with the eyes of love. Yeah, Allah, Allah let us learn to love one another. Yeah, Allah. Allah help us to be an asset to this Almighty Allah. Allah help us to be an asset to all those around us. Yeah, Allah. Allah help us to contribute positively to the Almighty Allah. Allah safeguard us from negativity Allah safeguard us from shaytaan and keep us away from shaytani Allah,
Allah help us recognize you Yeah, Allah, Allah make us from amongst those who love your house houses Yala de masajid Allah.
Allah make us from amongst those who frequent the masajid Allah, Allah Allah the bricks on the masjid bear witness that we were here yeah Allah, Allah let the grounds bear witness that we had frustrated for your sake and accept the prostration Yalla Yalla we asked you to have mercy on us Yalla Yalla all those who are secured me Allah all those who are looking after those who are Ilia Allah grant them the reward for the support that they are going through all those who have died Allah grant them Jana the day you take us away grant agenda as well. Yeah, Allah all those who have lost loved ones grant them the summer to go through the difficulty and problem Yalla Yalla those on
drugs bring them back on Dini Allah, Allah those alcoholics bring them back on Vimeo, Allah all of us yeah lightkeeper steadfast, Nandhini Allah, Allah those who are who are those who are gambling day and night yeah, Allah safeguard them from that from that weakness Yalla Yalla those who are throwing their money in gambling, yeah Allah safeguard them from that weakness Allah, Allah safeguard their wives and children from the ills of that weakness. Yeah, Allah, Allah we asked you to safeguard this oma from all the weaknesses that are going on Yala. From all the rife and all the evil and evil in community and society Allah, Allah we are living in trying times, testing times,
you know what we are going through better than we know your Allah. Allah says God doesn't have mercy on us Yala, yolonda, CV Allah, we ask you all the goodness that Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam has asked you and we seek protection from the evil that he sought protection from you Allah and Allah Subhana Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah Allah, Allah Allah Allah Allah, Allah subhana
wa salam, O Allah masala