Mufti Menk – Social Conduct – Part 1

			Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was Salam O Allah Allah.
		

			Allah Allah Ameen. Nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa but my dearest listeners, it is a
great day a day from amongst the days of the month of Ramadan. How fortunate are we to be in this
month of Ramadan? Allah subhanho wa Taala grants it to us every year. So that we can ponder over
what we do for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala we should always seize the opportunity of this
month of Ramadan to become better people. inshallah, inshallah I will be discussing a topic, the
social conduct of a Muslim.
		

			The reason we have chosen this topic is the oma, as it stands today is sliding into many
difficulties. And the oma needs urgent attention. If we notice the youth around us, if we actually
notice how they handle themselves and their social conduct, it is deteriorating as time goes. It is
actually becoming more and more difficult for us to put up with our own Muslims brothers and
sisters. For this reason, we should understand Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has taught us
everything he has taught us how to live within the home, how to live with Muslims, how to live with
non Muslims, how to speak and everything else. inshallah, within the next few weeks, we will be
		

			discussing topic by topic, how to live and how to conduct oneself as a Muslim. May Allah subhanho wa
Taala grant us the ability to be Muslims who are exemplary Muslims who can be looked at and give
others the feeling that they too would like to be Muslims. I mean,
		

			if we take a look at the topic, social conduct, it is a very broad topic. Let me mention a little
bit of what it includes. We have Firstly, and I'm going to start with this intentionally, we have
firstly the relationship between the husband and wife. This is a very, very important relationship,
there are certain rules certain regulations governing how the husband should treat his wife, and how
a wife should treat her husband, how they should speak to one another, how they should address each
other, etc. Allah subhanho wa Taala has taught this to us through Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi
wasallam. In fact, the Quran itself has so many examples of how husband and wife should be living
		

			with one another. That is probably the cornerstone of society because if a husband gets along with
his wife, if they speak properly, if they spend time with each other, if they are happy, then
obviously the day Allah subhanho wa Taala grants them offspring and children may Allah subhanahu wa
taala grant us all good and pious offspring and children. The day that happens, you will find that
this child that Allah subhanho wa Taala has brought into the world through these parents will
actually be afforded an upbringing that will be very healthy, especially in terms of conduct. Look
at a home where the husband and wife are swearing at each other on a daily basis. They don't look
		

			eye to eye, they don't get along with each other. They are complaining at every moment. How do you
expect the child to grow up in that home the child will probably know all the swear words and use
them. The child will probably become very arrogant, the child might become very moody. All this is
taught to us by the prophet of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, it really does brush off on the
children. And we need to understand this. This is why there is a great sacrifice in marriage, we
need to understand not only should we be living happily with our husbands and our wives, for the
sake of our own contentment, but it should also be for the sake of the children. Remember, bringing
		

			up children is no joke, especially in today's society and environment throughout the world. There
are so many feet and so many difficulties, the environment has become so bad, the social levels of
people has actually deteriorated to bring up children in such an environment is not easy. And if we
are not going to facilitate for the children within the home, that they have an environment whereby
they can actually learn a thing or two. Where do we expect that child to learn from this is what we
will be looking at as well. So the husband and wife relationship is very closely connected to the
parent child relationship as well. Remember, sometimes what happens in
		

			The home and we inshallah we will discuss it as the time passes. Sometimes what happens is when the
wife and husband do not get along, one of them gets closer to the children and actually makes the
child hate the other. This is totally prohibited in Islam, this is totally forbidden and this will
result in the child's thinking being warped, the child needs both mother and father. So, remember if
you have difficulties within yourself, within yourselves as husband and wife, you should understand
that let those difficulties not brush off on to the children who are innocent, then inshallah we
will make the circle a little bit larger, we will move on to the relationship now with the uncles,
		

			the aunts and the other family members. In fact, we will go even beyond that to the relatives, the
blood relatives, and the in laws, how Allah subhanho wa Taala has prescribed. You know the manner of
living with our in laws, whether it is a daughter in law, a son in law or whether it is mother in
law, father in law, the brothers and sisters in law, Allah subhanho wa Taala has defined the
relationship remember one thing Yes, there are rights that need to be fulfilled that is one thing
but over and above those rights. You know if we are going to become too hard and fast about the
rights, what will happen is we will be living on edge It is like a person who only reads his father
		

			Salah he's only interested in reading his photo Salah in that case what will happen is if there is
any knock Hassan or any minus points in that photo Salah if there is any shortcoming in the photo
Salah it will be regarded as a shortcoming and the person will probably get a lesser reward.
However, if a person continues and reads his sooner and Noah Phil as also the loss of Allahu Allahu
wa sallam has taught us What does soon and nothing do. It actually covers up and compensates for the
little shortcomings in the form of Salah. Let's say for example, and this is just a way of putting
it I'm going to put it in this way just to understand. Let's say for example, a person read Aisha
		

			Salah the father was for cuts. So a person read for accounts, but his concentration levels were so
low that in essence, it was regarded as three rackets let's just say that. So yes, they did for a
cause but because the concentration was so low, or they did something slightly wrong in their Salah,
which they didn't even pick up. So if it's regarded as three rockets in terms of reward, what Allah
subhanho wa Taala will do is if that person has read sooner and nephele Allah subhanho wa Taala will
ask the angels to actually fulfill the the last record meaning the reward of that fourth record, so
that it can become a complete form of Salah. Now, this is what we need to understand. Now, as soon
		

			as I know when Noah Philo to come milonakis on alpha, according to what we have learned. The sooner
and nephila Salah fulfils all fools the gaps and the shortcomings of the pharaoh the Salah. Now
similarly, when it comes to a relationship, if we are only going to look at our rights and our
rights one day we may be infringing the rights of others oh we may be asking something a little bit
too much. But if we are going to be a little bit broad minded and we are going to accommodate
certain things and certain issues and inshallah you will understand what I am trying to get to
inshallah, as the days passed, if we are going to be more accommodating you we should understand it
		

			will be more rewarding for us in the eyes of Allah we will be become better people, even in the eyes
of fellow human beings, we will become an example we will become an asset within our families and
asset within society and asset to the oma an asset to all the creatures of Allah subhanho wa Taala.
So inshallah, we will look at certain rights that Allah subhanho wa Taala has prescribed and Allah
has allowed us and we will also go beyond the rights and look at those factors which builds society,
you know, sometimes you need to give a little bit more and sometimes you need to take a little bit
less in order to build society. Allah subhanho wa Taala will become pleased with you if you do that.
		

			And Allah subhanho wa Taala will grant you so much Baraka and so much happiness in your life, may
Allah grant that to us at all times. Then inshallah we will move on to general Muslims, the public,
you know, how we speak to them, how we walk in society, when we are going to town when we are going
to the masjid when we are going any way we are going to school to drop off the children, whatever we
are doing, how should we handle ourselves as Muslims, you know, with the general public, the general
Muslim public. Similarly, the business dealings that we have with the Muslims, how should we conduct
ourselves, Allah subhanho wa Taala has prescribed rules and
		

			regulations in this regard, and we should understand that whenever there is a difficulty, whenever
there is a problem, whenever there is a situation, how are we going to solve that problem? How are
we going to live in that situation? It is Allah subhanho wa Taala, who has taught us how to solve
problems. Take a look at the lives of the prophets of Allah salallahu alayhi wasallam Allah subhanho
wa Taala be pleased upon all of them, if you take a look at the lives of the prophets of Allah, you
will find that every single one of them had problems, problems in the sense people were making life
difficult for them. Today with us, it has to happen, every single one of you every single listener,
		

			I am sure there is someone in your life who is making your life a little bit difficult according to
you. Now, depending on how you react, that is how you will be able to live or that is how you will
be able to accommodate or solve that problem. Meaning you might be able to tolerate a certain
problem if it is light. And sometimes if you cannot tolerate it, you will have to react in such a
manner that you solve the problem and not create two out of one or 10 out of nothing.
		

			So all this is taught to us by Allah subhanho wa Taala through the lives of the beloved prophets of
Allah May peace be upon them all. Then inshallah we will make the circle even larger and we will
move on to the general treatment of non Muslims. Today there are certain categories of non Muslims
around us. Yes, we go out into the marketplace, most of our dealings happen to be with non Muslims.
If you have a shop, for example, most of the people who will come into your shop will be non
Muslims. How do we treat them? How do we talk to them? Similarly, even those who don't come into our
shop, but those whom we go out to when we are on the streets when we are? Let me give you a typical
		

			example that you pull up your car and you happen to stop at a red light at a red traffic light. next
to you there are people they are non Muslims, you don't know them, they don't know you, how should
you handle yourself with them? If they pass a derogatory comment if they make a sign at you, how
should you react to these reactions? We need to learn them and we need to teach them to our
children. We need to become people who think before we act, we need to become people who know how
the prophets have reacted May peace be upon them all. And let us learn something from the lives of
these prophets of Allah. May Allah be pleased with us and with them as well. Because if we are going
		

			to read the story of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam his entire lifetime, and the story of
the other of let's say, for example, mohalla his Salatu was Salam. The stories of the other NBS
alayhi wa salatu wa sallam, what do we learn from these stories? There are so many things that we
learned because they live the complete lives. They also had to mix. They also have to go to the
marketplace. A verse comes into my mind where the kuffaar actually mentioned, about Rasulullah
sallallahu alayhi wasallam. The Quran says regarding what the kuffaar said, at the time, were called
Mali Havasu Li yaku Tama William Sheila swacch. They said, What is it with this prophet? He is a
		

			prophet, and he eats food that we eat and he walks into the markets that we walk into Lola en de la
la semana con, una una de la. Why did Allah subhanho wa Taala? Or could Allah subhanho wa Taala not
send an angel so that the angel could be with him as a warner or the angel could assist him etc,
etc. So Allah subhanho wa Taala later on in that very Surah Surah upon Allah mentions Rama arson
cabela caminando Selena inhome la coruna.
		

			Allah subhanho wa Taala is comforting Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and he's saying, look,
every single prophet we have sent before you they also used to eat food and they also used to go
into the marketplaces. Now, let us take it a step further. When we go into the marketplace, how are
we going to handle ourselves? And now we need to go into the seed of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam see what he said about the marketplace? See what he said, when should you go to the
marketplace and if you go to the marketplace, how should you handle yourself? All this we need to
know. Similarly, there is a hadith where Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says iya Kemal julu
		

			Sophie procart Be careful beware Be warned of sitting sitting on the pathways of people. And when
the Sahaba of the Allahu anhu asked the Prophet of Allah Rasool Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
sometimes we need to sit, then the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said if you need to really
sit, then you should fulfill the right of that pathway. And they were told what is the right of the
pathway and inshallah we will go through that if Allah subhanho wa Taala permits. So how to handle
yourselves with Muslims and with non Muslims at times of ease and at times of difficulty.
		

			Now, every single moment of your life you are mixing with people, every single moment of your life
you are connected to someone whether it is in the home, outside the home, in the car, at your
workplace, at the school, wherever it is, there are other people who are there. So, the rules that
govern your mannerisms, your your conduct, Subhana Allah, Allah subhanho wa Taala has actually
dictated them to us he has shown them to us in different ways. Sometimes you will find a direct
command from Allah kulu colon sadita for example, when you speak say that which is upright, clear,
straight through, don't lie etc. So that is a clear cut command from Allah subhanho wa Taala.
		

			Sometimes you will find it will be within a story. For example, you will find the story of a prophet
of Allah subhanho wa Taala and how he spoke to his people in that story, they may not be a direct
command from a lot to us to say look, this is how you must speak. But there is a lesson in that
story for us, because Allah subhanho wa Taala says la katakana few kasasa him Eva Ratan Lal Bab that
indeed in the stories of the prophets of Allah subhanho wa Taala May peace be upon them all. There
are lessons for those who have intellect. This means that if we have intellect, we should read the
stories and learn something from these stories. Then inshallah we will move on to the general
		

			behavior. You see today are thinking how should we be thinking as Muslims, when we see something,
how should we register it? How should we react to it? How should we think when we meet people, how
should we actually accept them in our hearts? When a person is a Muslim? How should we look at him
or her, when a person is a non Muslim? How should we look at them? So our general behavior our
manners also, inshallah we will discuss? Similarly, we must understand that, as Muslims, we need to
be a mercy to all the creatures of Allah subhanho wa Taala. When we say social conduct, yes, we may
be speaking about fellow human beings. But remember something, it goes beyond that as well. The
		

			other creatures that you have around you, how do you handle them? There are two types of creatures.
Generally, one those creatures that are harmful, the other those creatures that are not harmful,
then from amongst those creatures that are not harmful, they are those that are domesticated, and
May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability to be an asset to all his creatures. Remember when
there is a spider in your home? What does the hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam teach?
When there is a B? How should you kill it? If you would like to kill it? When can you kill it? When
should you not kill it? For example, if there is a snake in your home? How should you handle
		

			yourself with that snake? How should you kill it? When should you kill it? What should you do? All
this is taught to us by Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam. Similarly, when it comes to the cats
and the other animals that we may have that are domesticated those animals that are permissible to
have How should we feed them? How should we treat them? How should we be with them? Let's say we
have a horse we have cows, we have a donkey, for example, or we may be having goats, the time of
Kobani inshallah is coming close of a few months after Ramadan, we will then be purchasing the
sacrificial animals. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability to sacrifice animals for his
		

			sake and May he accept it from us. So when we have these animals, how should we actually go about
handling and treating these animals in the most humane manner, the most? Meaning the most beautiful
manner is taught to us by Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in a hadith he actually tells his
companions fear Allah regarding these animals that cannot speak, the animal cannot speak. So when
you put a load on a camel or a donkey, remember what how many kgs are you putting onto it? Subhana
Allah who would have taught us this besides Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So what we learn
from this is Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam taught us in turn, we need to teach our children
		

			we need to teach the oma of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Let's ask ourselves as parents,
how many of us have actually taught our children set with them and said, You know, when you speak to
others, you must smile at them. You must talk to them nicely. Even if someone speaks to you harsh,
you might not know who that person is. Sometimes you might know. But tomorrow that person might
regret what they are doing, and they might turn back because of the manner in which you spoke. But
if you did not speak well, what will happen it will plunge you further into disarray and it will
drive them further away from you. In that case, we will not be solving the problems of the oma and
		

			as I said at the beginning of this program, the oma needs urgent attention and the oma is sliding
into many difficulties the oma is sliding beyond
		

			In our own imagination, and part and parcel of the problem is we don't know how to handle ourselves.
inshallah, then we will go further. And we will speak about how to talk how to walk the business
dealing solving problems, the social activities within the Muslim community, even if you have social
activities outside the Muslim community, for example, someone is a member of a Cricket Club, how
should he handled himself with the other cricketers who are with him, who may not be Muslims. This
is all taught to us by Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam directly and indirectly depending on
what it is. Similarly, when it comes to taking part in the Muslim communities activities, how should
		

			we do that? When it comes to solving disputes? How are we meant to be solving disputes? Look, there
are certain disputes that are on a very, very closed level. When I say closed level, I mean, within
the home, may Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability to solve all sorts of problems within the
home. And that is a problem of a different nature. If you have a problem with your neighbor and that
opens a whole new door, how to treat your neighbor how to talk to him, how to invite him towards
Islam, those who work for you, your work is everything this is included in the teachings of
Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam. So, when you have a problem with your neighbor, for example,
		

			how should you handle yourself? There are many ways of handling yourself How should you approach
this person Listen, there is this problem should I keep quiet about it? Or should I approach them if
I do approach them? Should I scream and shout or should I be calm and collected about it? And
depending on how you speak, this is how Allah subhanho wa Taala will either assist you to solve the
problem or shavon might make you create many, many more problems. So inshallah, every day at this
particular time, we will be going through various issues regarding the social conduct of a Muslim
and we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to benefit us inshallah, from this program, we ask Allah subhanho
		

			wa Taala to grant us the acceptance and we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to make us from amongst those
who are indeed the best of Muslims, or sallallahu wasallam albaraka and Amina Muhammad was Salam
aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.
		

			salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa Salatu, Salam ala rasulillah,
ala alihi, wa sahbihi, wa Amanita who who are my dear listeners, indeed it is a gift from Allah
subhanho wa Taala that we are from amongst the followers of this beautiful religion of Islam. Islam
has taught us everything, there is nothing that Allah subhanho wa Taala has forgotten to teach us,
we are actually continuing with the topic of the social conduct of a Muslim, the general etiquettes
the mannerisms, the behavior of a Muslim, how we as Muslims are meant to behave production we had
actually mentioned that the cornerstone is the relationship between a husband and a wife. Let us
		

			take a look at Adam Allah, his Salatu was Salam. When he was created, he was a man and he was a
single man. He felt very lonely, he made dua to Allah subhanho wa Taala, to remove that loneliness
from his life and Allah subhanho wa Taala answered that prayer of his that do out of his Allah
subhanho wa Taala granted him Hawa, alayhi salatu was Salam as a gift. And for this reason we as men
should always be looking at our wives as gifts from Allah subhanho wa Taala. If we understand that
our wives our gifts, then we will be able to treat them in the proper and correct manner. Remember
when Adam alayhi salatu was Salam was given Hawa Allah Salatu was Salam in marriage, basically, he
		

			was so happy and he loved her so much. She loved him so much that nothing went wrong. In fact, they
knew Adam alayhis salam knew hawala salatu salam knew that they would not tell or order or Command
one and other to do anything that would be detrimental to their well being. And this is why shaytan
sees the opportunity when he saw they were very close. He then misled them, and when he misled them,
neither one of them asked to the other or told the other or reminded the other to say listen, let's
not do this shaytan is telling us to eat from the forbidden fruit. Let us not do this, because they
knew that they would not do anything to each other that would be harmful to each other or to the
		

			other party. But shaytaan May the curse of Allah be upon shavon la isla de la shavon actually
planned and plotted and shaytan got them trapped. For this reason what we have to learn from this is
whenever we are living meaning
		

			within the home between husband and wife, we should always check what we are doing, we should always
assist one another remind one another look the way you are dressing is wrong. The way you are
speaking is wrong or this is correct let us make sure that we develop this good habit of ours etc.
This is what will result in our upliftment. On the other hand, obviously, if an error has been made
a mistake has been made, we should be very quick in rectifying it. Look at Adam alayhis salatu salam
with Hawa alayhi salatu was Salam. When the sin was committed, immediately they turned to Allah
subhanho wa Taala or benevolent Susana ilam toffee Lana, Lana coonan Amina hos earring, I'm sure we
		

			have heard this. So many times they do have Adam alayhis salatu salam and his wife, where they said
O r. o R Rahman, we have indeed transgressed against ourselves and if you are not going to forgive
us, if you are not going to have mercy upon us, we are going to be from amongst the losers. So what
we have to learn from this is that whenever we in whenever we actually fall into sin, may Allah
subhanho wa Taala protect us all, we need to turn back to Allah subhanho wa Taala immediately
promised him that we will not repeat that. Now, when it comes to the husband and wife relationship,
we should understand that there is a requirement, and that requirement is that the husband should
		

			respect his wife and the wife should respect her husband. If there is not going to be respect, what
will happen. They will probably be living with one another. Similar to animals. May Allah subhanho
wa Taala not do that to any one of us. You see, if we have a situation where the husband comes into
the home, and he shouts at the top of his voice for everything he wants, what will happen? The first
question is, how do you think it's going to brush off on the children? The second question, that
wife of yours? How do you think she is going to handle it? How do you think she will treat you in
return, she will also learn to scream and shout back at you. So we need to understand this. The same
		

			applies on the other side, that if the wife is going to scream and shout, what does she expect? So
Islam teaches us that look, you must respect one another when you speak, do not unnecessarily raise
your voice, do not unnecessarily become angry. And if you do have to become angry, you must make
sure that you cool off as soon as possible because when a person is angry, it is actually shaytan
that is now running in the blood of this person. A hadith of Sharia law. She says the Prophet of
Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam did not used to get angry for anything unless obviously, Allah
subhanho wa Taala His commands were being disregarded totally, then he would get angry for that. But
		

			Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam when it came to himself, look at his life, what did people do
to him? What did the community do to him, they troubled him, they tortured him, but he did not get
angry at that he actually got angry when they disregarded the commands of Allah and made a joke of
the commands of Allah subhanho wa Taala. So we should understand also, we need to live with our
wives and our husbands, we need to live in such a manner that we do not have uncontrolled anger,
shouting and screaming is not going to do the marriage any good. And remember, here we are speaking
about social etiquettes. We are starting with this relationship because that is how the entire world
		

			started meaning the human race started with a single men. Thereafter a single woman and their
relationship obviously then developed later on, they had to, they had to come out of gentlemen of
Paradise, they were actually booted out of there by Allah subhanho wa Taala. According to the
narrations, they landed in separate places in different places. One narration actually says that
Hawaii has Salatu was Salam landed in Jeddah and other Malaysian salatu wa salam landed in Sri Lanka
what we know as today, so they spent quite a bit of time hunting for one another meaning they looked
for one another. Now that period of separation gave them a time to ponder over the weaknesses to
		

			ponder over what went wrong. And thereafter when they came back, the books of history have not
recorded any problems after they were united. So meaning between them May Allah subhanho wa Taala
grant us the ability to solve our problems, the problems that we may be facing in our marriages. Now
let us understand one thing, if we are going to sway let's take for example, the swear words that a
person uses one is to swear your own wife. A man comes into the home and starts using abusive
language. Firstly, his respect will be will decrease in the eyes of his wife, his wife will no
longer respect him the way she used to. And if a wife comes and swears it's probably worse than a
		

			male swearing because it is not a feminine quality at all. Sometimes
		

			If you look at your face in the mirror and you swear, that face of yours actually changes the words
don't suit your face. SubhanAllah Imagine if someone looked at you some people don't even know that
we could actually swear May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us from using language that is forbidden
language that is derogatory and language that is abusive. So if we are going to swear we will lose
respect. The person whom we are swearing, they will never respect us again. And remember, sometimes
people actually end up swearing their own children without realizing and to swear your own child at
times can even be a doula against that particular child. You know, sometimes when the child does
		

			something wrong, and I'm actually going to use the word because it is being used by a lot of people,
and someone will actually say, you know, he's a swine, or Oh, Bella, how can you call your own child
swine? May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us no matter what that child has done, that child does
not deserve to be called that. Similarly, sometimes, you know, the child might be eating a little
bit too much and we say you know, he eats like a pig or she eats like a pig. This is an Islamic it
is behavior and it is language that is not acceptable in Islam, it will result in the downfall of
the person who is doing it and is using that language. Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has
		

			taught us that as Muslims, we should be careful what we say, either speak good, after that which is
good or remain silent. Remember this tongue of ours, we recite the vicar of Allah subhanho wa Taala
we gain closeness to Allah subhanho wa Taala through the tongue. We read the Quran through the
tongue, we enter the fold of Islam through the same tongue, we actually that tongue Allah has said
you should keep it wet and moist in the vicar of Allah subhanho wa Taala. How then can we use the
same tongue, the same tongue that is meant to be getting us into Jana? Now we want to use that same
tongue to sway and to sway our own wives and our own children and our own husbands May Allah
		

			subhanho wa Taala protect us. So within the home, we need to be conscious of what we are saying what
we are saying. And similarly how we say what we want to say that also Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam has taught us, we need to think before we speak because everything we say, Allah subhanho
wa Taala has the angels to record whatever we say, and it is going to be held either for us or
against us. So remember this, you know, I always give the example of a person who is arrested. When
a person is arrested, the policeman is supposed to be saying, you know, you have the right to remain
silent, anything you say may be held against you in the court of law. And what happens? Then you
		

			find when they asked him questions, or they asked her questions, he is silent or she is silent,
because he says, You know, I need my lawyer I need to speak I will only speak when I have my lawyer
because they know that if I say anything, it may be held against me. So hon Allah, Allah subhanho wa
Taala has told this to us a long, long time ago to say, look, whatever you utter may be held against
you in the court of Allah subhanho wa Taala on the day of the AMA, it may be held against you Why
then do we not remain silent, why then do we not control these tons of hours and think about the law
of Allah subhanho wa Taala and how we might be caught up in that law, if we are to abuse our
		

			tongues, and if we are to say and just you know, blah, blah, whatever comes to our mouths without
thinking. So, this is a very, very important aspect between husband and wife, do not sway one
another, do not scream at one another Do not shout at one another, this will only result in the loss
of respect and it will also brush off onto the children, many home you will find that within the
home, the children are actually
		

			or they speak according to the parents, if the parents have a very, very good way of speaking, if
the parents are very polite, you find the children will be polite, if the parents are actually
totally astray and they say whatever they want, they have no control over their tongues, you will
find the children swearing also and where did the child learn how to swear? Well, the father swears
as well. So, this is what we need to understand. You know, it is amazing how the etiquettes and how
the mannerisms of the parents actually brush off onto the children. We will speak about that a
little bit later. The second issue that we need to remember as husband and wife is that a marriage a
		

			happy marriage is based on trusting one another we need to learn to trust one another. Every small
thing must not make you doubt your husband or your wife you know he must be doing this or she must
be doing this and why is he like this and why is she like that? This is from shavon this scheck and
doubt that a person can have and a person does have at times it is from shaytan Allah subhanho wa
Taala mentions in the Quran in surah 200 Allah says that most of meaning do not doubt one another
because most of the doubting is actually incorrect. And the
		

			is totally unacceptable. May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us from shock and from doubting. So, if
you want to live happily, stop doubting your spouse. Yes, if you if there is a problem, discuss it
properly discuss it, raise it in a very, very polite manner, and speak to them speak about it, you
know, this is my concern. And once there is a clarification, that is enough, you should be
satisfied. And that's it, don't go and dig it up again, etc, etc. May Allah subhanahu wa taala
protect us from doubting one another. Another very important aspect when it comes to our marriages.
And when it comes to the conduct with our husbands and our wives, is the fact that we, especially
		

			the men, we need to make sure that we spend enough time at home, enough time with our wives enough
time with our children. Many times we find that a person gets married, and after they get married,
they still spend late hours of the evening and you know, early hours of the morning, they are still
with their friends outside the home. What do they expect in that marriage? What do they want from
that wife? Why did they get married in the first place? Remember when you marry and we always should
be reminding one another about this, your wife, your husband, we become first class friends, first
class friends, everyone else drops and slides down to second class. What that means is that we need
		

			to give preference to our wives preference to our children preference to our husbands. This is where
things will be heading in the right direction in Sharla. So even if it means people will talk bad
about you, and they're going to say, you know this, this person here,
		

			his wife controls him, his wife rules him so what so what if they pass those comments so long as you
know that you are happy within your marital home? Alhamdulillah Allah valic. And so long as you know
that within the limits of the law of Allah, you are within the limits of the law of Allah, there is
nothing that you should be sad about. So people will pass comments, those comments shaytan will make
you feel that you know what, I'm a man and I should do something about this. No, that's right. Let
me show them that who's in control. We don't need to do all that you don't need to prove a point to
people, you all you need to do is to make sure that in your home, you are happy. The same thing
		

			would probably happen to a woman that sometimes her friends might tell her you know what, you've got
to fix him up and you've got to do this to him and do that to him. These comments must not affect
us, we must look at what Allah says not what our friends say. If Allah subhanho wa Taala says, look,
try and solve your problems. And you need to try and sacrifice to solve a problem. It is not easy to
solve a problem. When there is a problem. May Allah protect us from problems but when there is one,
it's not easy to solve it. But Allah subhanho wa Taala gives us the opportunity to engage in the
burden known as solving a problem. And we need to understand the advice we seek. are we seeking good
		

			advice? Or are we seeking advice of those who don't have experience? When we seek advice we need to
understand is the person whom we are asking firstly qualified enough to advise me secondly, do they
have a genuine feeling for me? And will they advise will they advise me correct advice? Or are they
going to give me the wrong advice? If they are going to give you the correct advice because you
know, they have a genuine feeling for you, and they have knowledge and experience then inshallah
they will give you advice within the limits of Allah subhanho wa Taala Normally, the advice given is
a little bit better. And this is why sometimes when we go to the llama with some of our problems,
		

			and the island will probably tell you You know what, you are wrong. And then we become upset and
say, you know, I came to this island, trying to put forward my problem and he's telling me you are
wrong. No, let me go to another island and you will go to another and the third and the fourth until
someone tells you you are right. Now the one who tells you you are right is probably telling it to
you to make you happy. That's it. But in reality if three four people have already told you the
qualified people who have a genuine feeling for you, that listen you are wrong, most probably you
are wrong, don't feel depressed. The fact that you are wrong, you need to do something about it, you
		

			need to solve that problem you need to come out of it. So remember one thing it has learned to trust
one another let us learn to spend time with one another. Remember quality time spent at home with
the children is an act of worship. It is actually an a bother because it is your duty as a parent to
look after your children. Allah has placed that duty on your shoulders. If you are not going to look
after your children, Whom do you want to look after those children of yours. So remember, if it is a
duty placed on your shoulders by Allah subhanho wa Taala when you are fulfilling it Are you not
going to be rewarded? Obviously you will be rewarded. So whenever you spend time at home, remember
		

			you will actually be earning rewards from Allah subhanho wa Taala May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant
us the ability to understand that as well. And then thereafter we should understand whatever we do
as husband and wife must always be within the commands of Allah.
		

			subhanho wa Taala we need to stay away from his prohibitions, let me give you some simple examples.
Sometimes the way we dress in the home, the way we dress in the home is so inappropriate because
what happens is, our children will look at us, and they will say, you know what, my mother dresses
like this. And you know what my father does this. So they automatically from a very, very early age
will try to dress how you dress. If you are dressed in a kurata, for example, your son will cry to
be dressed in a quarter, and I'm sure so many of us have experienced this from an early age of two
and three Subhanallah if you read Salah in the home, and I'm sure nearly every single home may have
		

			experienced this, if you are regular with your Salawat and your Salah, you will find your child at a
very early age will try to stand next to you and to read salah and you will find that Salah is that
child in CG from a very, very early age. Now, on the other hand, if you are going to dress let's say
for example, in a miniskirt and you are going to walk out of the home, that child will try to do the
same also the day you want them to put a scarf on their head, they will probably not do that because
you never ever did it. So they never ever saw you doing it. Now, you want them to do something that
you never did. Now, the way forward is actually to dress appropriately from the very beginning
		

			without telling your children anything, you will see what they do without commanding them without
telling them they will feel shy to come out of the house without a scarf. From a very early age,
they will see that my mother does this, my mother dresses with a proper, you know, the proper hijab
and she walks out of the home, she has a scarf she wears a cloak or what have you islamically She is
dressed automatically it will play on the conscience of this particular child from a very early age
and the child will cry to actually be dressed in a similar manner. So remember one thing it's
amazing Allah subhanho wa Taala has taught this to us. He has shown it to us. How many of us as I
		

			mentioned a few moments ago, how many of us would actually see our children reading Salah trying to
read Salah from an early age is that not a sign from Allah to say listen if you want you must lead
by example we are showing it to you here with Salah but even the other things the way you speak the
way you talk, how polite you are with others, how you smile with others, etc etc. All this will
brush off onto the children and this is how we will actually develop the home. If the home is
actually a home that is a happy home. Then what more do we want? We need to thank Allah subhanho wa
Taala for that and inshallah, as the days go, we will go further we will look at certain rights
		

			between the husband and the wife. And remember as I said yesterday, when it comes to the rights, we
must understand if we are going to be hard and fast only about the rights It is like only performing
and fulfilling foreign but we need to go beyond and engage in that which is sooner, that which is
nothing etc etc In order to enhance the the harmony of the home. Allah subhanho wa Taala May He
grant us happiness. We asked him at the end of this program to actually solve all our problems and
to grant this oma success or sallallahu wasallam obata Karolina Bina Mohammed Subhana Allah He will
be handy Subhana Allah home I'll be handy can shadow Allah Allah Allah antenna stove little corner
		

			to buoy