Mufti Menk – Ramadan Boost 09 – Why Make Marriage Difficult?

			warahmatullahi wabarakatu
		

			brothers and sisters I start off by saying Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim In the Name of Allah, the Most
Gracious, the Most Merciful Alhamdulillah All praise is indeed due to Allah subhanho wa Taala wa
Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah he will Allah Allah He was happy as mine. We send blessings and
salutations upon Allahu alayhi wa sallam, his household, his companions, we ask Allah to bless them.
Bless every one of us, my brothers and sisters, one thing that we all know is marriage is closely
connected to the customs that we live within, based on our own societies and communities. And many
times, people make marriage very, very difficult. They add in it rules, regulations, steps that need
		

			to be taken that are not from Islam. And because people are making marriage difficult, they're
making the opposite easy. And that is to just,
		

			you know, live in sin. So living in sin has become so easy to have just a relationship with someone
that is no strings attached becomes much easier than actually being married to a person. So it's
very difficult. Let's look at what the Quran says. Let's look at what Allah subhanho wa Taala has
said, What impresses me a lot is Shay Valley, Sam, it's reported obviously, that when musala is
alum, left for madeon, he helped a certain,
		

			you know,
		

			a few girls to have these girls, he helped them with their flock of sheep. And as a result, they
were very impressed. They went home early, the father asked them, How are you so early here? And
they said, well, there was a man who helped us. And he was from outside. And he asked them to call
this man. And they called him he went to the home. He spoke to them for a while he told them the
story. And so shy valet Salaam did not waste time in telling him. Listen, I'd like you to marry one
of my daughters, one of my daughters, I want them to get married to you. Now stop for a moment. Why
did Allah mentioned this in the Quran? I mean, we think we're holier than that man. And we think
		

			that, you know, our daughters are better than those. And we think that perhaps the you know, the guy
that we have is better than Musa alayhis salam. But we don't realize Allah mentioned it for a
reason. You have a daughter, you need to be on the lookout for that daughter, you need to make sure
that you are looking and carefully, you know, with eyes open, checking and seeing, and so on. Now,
at times that daughter might come with an idea these daughters came with an idea in the sense that
they told the father that Oh, Father, why don't you employ him? He's a strong man. And he's an
honest man, the father understood these girls are praising this guy, you know, so let me get one of
		

			them married to him. That's amazing. How many of us would listen to what our daughters have to say?
If a daughter comes in says, today there was a man who helped me do something. He was a very good
man. He was honest and hardworking. I think many of us would tell her, you know, get lost. What were
you doing? looking at him? Why did you allow him to help you? Well, it happens. I mean, you go into
a public place, sometimes you need help, and publicly, someone might help you with utmost respect.
So I've helped tons of people of the opposite gender. And the idea is just to run the * they may
or may not know who you are. that's besides the point but you did it for the sake of Allah, if Allah
		

			opens a door of goodness thereafter, Alhamdulillah. So to be honest,
		

			this is live by the way, someone's asking, Is this live? Or is it recorded, it is live. So to be
honest, we learn from this because Allah mentions it in the Quran for us to take heed. And like I
say, for me, it's one of the most impressive stories when it comes to getting your kids married.
Here is a man who was noticed by these two girls, they went home and told their father about him
when he asked, and the father says, okay, bring this man in. They were praising the man to say, why
don't you give him a job, you know, let him do this task for us and so on because he's honest, and
he is hardworking. The father understood these girls are praising this guy. Perhaps, you know, they
		

			like him. And to be honest, to be fair, obviously, he was Moosa after all, alayhis salam. And so he
says in the redo an inky haka, Hatim Allah and Juanita Manya Ah, so many cultures that we have today
have been crushed by this verse, where the man is offering his daughter to another man
		

			Who and he is saying, look, I want you to offer you one of these two I want to give you, I want you
to marry one of my daughters. It is life. I want you to marry one of my daughters. And I know that
you're just a man, you're a stranger, but you work for me for eight years, as part of the
compensation are part of the price should I say?
		

			Imagine, to work for your father in law, in many cultures is taboo, to go and live with your in laws
as a man many cultures consider it taboo, that has nothing to do with Islam, it is not taboo at all.
If the circumstances have driven you to that, it is the most beautiful thing that could happen. If
your in laws need you as a man and your perhaps your parents may not need you, because you there are
other brothers and so on. There is nothing wrong in going to live with your in laws, absolutely
nothing to benefit from them. There is nothing wrong to be paid by your father in law to work for
your father in law, nothing wrong at all. Now, all those who follow that culture, what will you say
		

			about what Allah has spoken about here? When Allah says here is a prophet of Allah, working for his
father in law for eight solid years. And I want to give you another example of Muhammad Sallallahu
sallam, he worked for a woman who became his wife, Khadija been to Hawaii without the law and the
prophets are seldom worked for her. He did business for her. He and nobody can deny that, you know,
it's a very respectful thing. Imagine if someone says, Who do you work for? Oh, I work for my wife,
I actually do her business. Allahu Akbar, we would cry foul. That's because we are arrogant. We are
proud where we have stuck to our cultural guns against all odds, and we've made marriage difficult
		

			and impossible at times. So we are guilty of promoting and encouraging directly or indirectly,
Haram. Haram. Why? Because you've made it difficult they what will happen as a result, sin is going
to be facilitated. And this is where this is where this whole thing comes in to say, my brothers and
sisters, here's the Koran. We're in the month of the Quran, we're in Ramadan, your kids want to get
married, there is no harm in them bringing up a suggestion. I want to marry so and so a lot of our
parents in many countries would say, Who are you? Why did you lift your eyes? Why did you look up
I'm never going to accept it. What's this love marriage all about? It's not that I just saw someone
		

			who I felt would make a brilliant spouse, you my father, you go every day everywhere. You've never
ever looked for someone for me who's compatible with me. You know, never and when I've done it when
I've when Allah has made someone cross my path. You don't want to agree because you're arrogant and
you're proud and you're against the teachings of Allah. Allah does not make you cross a path of
someone for nothing. Subhan Allah. So this is something very interesting because many of our parents
out there would disagree, but they don't know the Quran is actually on the other side.
		

			I told you that Muhammad Rasul Allah example. He worked for a woman he married her. I wonder what
would have happened if that was in our society today. Start with Allah. And we claim to love
Muhammad salah and to follow Him and to love Allah and follow the Quran. Whoa, Subhan Allah, I see
someone sending love from Pakistan, this is a problem there as well. So my brothers and sisters, I
tell you, it's extremely important for us to wake up and understand that Islam is not to blame. It's
our backward cultures that have made it so difficult. We have weddings that are lavish, we borrow
money from the bank to get our kids married. And we think we're good Muslims. We want to have big
		

			weddings when the processor lumps and have something simple. And and don't delay it, let it happen.
Let the nicca happen. You know, let the ketchup GitHub or the Nika happen. They call it a fatty
heart in some cultures, but we shouldn't waste our time. And the process Adams taught this to us. So
who do we think we are then we want happiness. No wonder there's so much divorce going on
Subhanallah because people are marrying those whom they don't want to marry. And a lot of them are
in love with someone else or they've been eyeing out someone else. So you have to facilitate what
Allah has allowed.
		

			And Subhanallah schreiben A Salaam had his son in law masala is and I'm worked for him for eight
years. And after eight years, he took his family, he greeted them bid them Farewell, and he left and
that's when he got Prophethood SubhanAllah. So, point number one would you ever allow someone your
daughter to come to you and say listen, I, I've come across someone and this person helped me do
something or it was at work or was at the university and so on. And you know, I really want you to
consider this person and so on. What would you say are you better than she is alone? You know, would
you say in the radio and on key hack, you know, I want to get you married to one of my daughters
		

			here Subhanallah or would you actually then say No way. I'm never
		

			You're not allowed to have looked. You're not allowed to have crossed paths. You're not allowed to
have been a human being and so on. So this is crazy my brothers and sisters,
		

			and then musala has agreed, and he got married. He didn't have anything. They didn't have a big
function and a huge wedding where they wasted money. And they invited tons of people, like I said in
one of my programs recently that the Coronavirus has given us
		

			has made it easy for us to adopt the sooner method of having a very simple nica with few people and
you have it sorted Mashallah, Mashallah. So let's, let's understand this. I hope that our lives can
change by what I've just said, now. It is in the Koran go and read surah to us and see what is
happening and see what Allah says and learn a lesson from it. Don't just read the story of the
Prophet Moses May peace be upon him and say, yeah, that's a that's a good story. No, why did Allah
put it in the Quran for you, my beloved father or mother or those who are making marriage difficult?
Yes. If the person is really a ridiculous person, their character is out of order and their Deen is
		

			out of order. Then you have reason to say Listen, my beloved daughter, I won't accept someone who's
on drugs and who's have who has a really bad reputation confirmed. You know, you can't just believe
allegations, allegations are all over the show. Someone wants to break your home, they can make any
allegation here and there. But to be honest with you,
		

			if you have something confirmed, then Subhanallah it would be
		

			you know your right to say Listen, I wouldn't like this marriage because here are the reasons Masha
Allah, Allah so brothers and sisters, the children you have are not yours. They belong to you for a
short period of time, but ultimately they are ullas they belong to Allah in not in LA in a Rajon we
are all belonging to Allah, and we're going to go back to Allah. So just use your few days on earth
to do the right things. At the end of the day, you're going to die, and you know what your kids are
going to be without you at some point. So Allah will look after them and take care of them. May
Allah Subhana Allah to Allah grant us goodness, this was a very important topic, I'm actually so
		

			passionate about it. Because more and more people are making it so difficult. People are saying, you
can't get married because of this virus that she had the virus might take 10 years to live, who
knows? Are you going to change your whole life and not deny everybody's marriages, they could have
had kids who are nine years old, by the time Corona ends, who may Allah grant us an ending of this
pandemic, but there might be another pandemic that's going to come. So life has to continue. The
first opportunity you get, you must let it be, and don't make life difficult for people. So I
thought this would be a good topic to discuss. Like I said, culture is a good thing. Unless it
		

			contradicts what Allah has taught, it becomes difficult, it makes life difficult for us people say
this person belongs to, you know, I can't get you married to this one. And that one, because of
whatever whatever. They come from a different part of the city, where they come from another city
and so on. You know what we need to wake up the world has become a global village. If you've grown
up in a similar way, Subhan Allah let things be
		

			the deen that Allah, look at us here. We're talking to each other together. Yes, it's not easy to
marry cross culturally, especially when people have been living in totally separate environments.
And they're not easygoing, and they're not mature enough to understand the differences, then it's
not easy. But if you are, if you've lived in a similar sister city, sorry, or you've been you've
studied at similar schools, you've been you're brought up in a similar way, and you come from a
different race, or you come from a different cultural background. It's not wrong to get married
people use the term compatibility or Khufu Kapha and say, no, that marriage is not allowed. No, no,
		

			no, no, race has nothing to do with compatibility. Also, your culture has nothing to do with
compatibility. If you
		

			if you are if you have grown up in a similar way, for example, you're all in London, or you're all
in New York, you've all been brought up in the West, and everyone's been to similar schools and they
know the norms and so on, you've become people of one westernized sort of a culture where you may
have had other cultures before in the previous generation, but the new generation has become one
culture and understand that and yes, there will be differences which need to be discussed. However,
going back to the issue of living with in laws, you know, I know the Indians consider it the Indians
and indo packs. They consider it totally taboo. change your mind, it's not wrong at all. People can
		

			go and live with it. Your son can live with his in laws, there's no problem Subhanallah if, if
that's what makes them happy. Alhamdulillah it's a good thing. It's not a bad thing. It's okay for
as long as they're happy, and they're surviving that similarly to work for your father in law or to
work for your wife is not a wrong thing. It has happened the best of people and people who are much
better than us chosen by Allah have done that. So Alhamdulillah These are a few good
		

			Another the last point and repeating for the third time, if your child comes up with a proposition
to say, I'm interested in so and so please look into it carefully, and if there's nothing wrong, let
it be. Let it be, don't be arrogant and proud and say it's never gonna happen over my dead body, it
can't be and so on. It's not going if it is okay. And if they have come across each other, some way
or another, please open the doors and you will see how allow will open your doors, if they have made
a mistake. At the end of the day, there was a possibility of you also having selected in a way that
would have ended in divorce. So divorce is not the end of the world, nor does it mean people who are
		

			bad, but it's just that perhaps compatibility wasn't there of a certain level or people found out
later that they were drifting apart. So doesn't make either of them bad. It's just that it didn't
work. So let's try and come together in sha Allah and facilitate for our children. May Allah
subhanho wa Taala grant us all he someone is saying can you marry your cousin? The answer is
islamically. The marriage would be valid. Medically, a lot of people don't recommend it because they
say that for your genes to be stronger. You should go further away, but it is a permissible marriage
Alhamdulillah so I love you all my brothers and sisters, I thought this would be a good boost. It is
		

			live. I'm speaking to you from Addis Ababa in Ethiopia, and inshallah I pray that we can connect
tomorrow once again at a similar time, if Allah wills until then akula Kalia was Salam aleikum wa
rahmatullah wa barakato.