Mufti Menk – Dealing with Difficulty #10 Divorce

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			Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. Divorce is very difficult, if you think it was difficult
to be married, and that's why you divorced. If you have children, it's not easy to be divorced.
Nonetheless, we will help you deal with the difficulty of going through divorce by learning what
Allah Almighty has ordained. So Allah speaks about it in the Quran, that when you have a marriage,
and it is struggling, you need to give it your best, you need to try to resolve the matters between
the two of you in a fair way, understanding that it's a give and take, you need to be a bit lenient
upon one another, not just one party being lenient, but both being kind towards each other and
		

			considerate of each other. You cannot solve the problem between the two of you. You involve parties
from either side, let them get together, try to solve the matters. If the matters are not being
resolved. As a last resort, you may go through a divorce, that divorce is something very sacred in
the sense that you can't play with it. You can't joke about it. If you joke about it, it will curse.
If you play with it, it still occurs. So remember, don't joke about divorce ever. Don't ever as a
Muslim just blurt out Talaq thrice, or I divorce you thrice. And then come trying to understand what
exactly did I do? I always say, it's like shooting someone with live rounds. And then coming to say,
		

			what did I just do? I didn't know that the trigger would actually result in a bullet coming out.
silly, isn't it. But Allah Almighty tells us that you will have to fulfill the rights of your exes,
especially when you have had children. When you don't have children. It's a smaller, right. Number
one do not mudslinging. Don't speak bad about one another. The world doesn't need to know your whole
story. Because you're going to bad mouth, someone it could have been that Chapin came in and didn't
allow you to get on with each other. And therefore, the worst of you was a parent.
		

			And the goodness is never spoken about. You ended up not getting along, you ended up divorcing. But
you're not supposed to be talking bad about one another look, we didn't get along. If someone
specific comes to you and says I'm interested in marrying your ex, can you tell me what happened? In
brief, you're allowed to make mention of some of the difficulties you are because they need to know,
but the general public doesn't need to know. So remember, if you want to deal with the difficulty of
divorce, God your tongue, watch what you say about your ex. Secondly, the men are have to provide
for the ex wife for a certain period of time, a certain amount, they should do that. That is an act
		

			of worship, it's Allah telling you listen, you're going to have to do this, whether you like it or
you don't like it, it's the last thing you are going to have to do for the period of the day, you're
going to have to provide for her. This, this and this, don't be miserly. And don't run away from
that, right? Those men who run away from the MaHA which is the gift that's initially given to the
bride, those who run away from the post divorce expenses being paid, they will not have baraka and
blessings in the rest of their wealth. Because in their wealth, they have the right of someone else,
that's very dangerous. So therefore give it no problem, give a little bit more if you want, the
		

			Quran speaks about those who have more, giving more, it's part of their goodness. So remember this,
it's Allah's favor upon you that you have wealth, give from it, or at least tell them I owe you and
I will slowly pay you, I will give you certain expenses. This is something very, very important.
Now, like I said, when you don't have children, it probably ends there. You have to speak well, and
you have to give them whatever is due to them. And that's about it. As time passes, you may part you
may cross paths and so on. Just bear in mind, don't say nasty things. You have a life that he or she
has a life and we need to continue to pray for them, no matter how bad they were. Pray for them. I
		

			know I've heard people saying I'll never pray for them. But we have to be here to encourage you to
consider that because it's a noble characteristic. Similarly, if you've have if you have had
children, and you're going through a divorce, you're going to have to have a big heart. Because
those children do not belong to you alone. Those children do not belong to you alone. Allah is
watching you and Allah is going to deal with you. If you think you're going to fix your ex by not
giving him or her
		

			Access or custody without a solid, valid reason, and what are valid reasons, if there was sexual
abuse, or there was some major abuse that was happening trauma to the kids, that is a different
case, the scholars and experts need to look into each case one by one, but we're talking of the
general cases, in more than 90% of the time, you're going to have to have a very big heart, you're
going to have to navigate through a few factors, the new spouse that will come in, plus your
children how to work out access and custody, and who is going to communicate with who you need to
work that out. So the difficulties of going through divorce, not simple. Many men out there as
		

			Muslims because they have the power of issuing the divorce. They leave their women hanging in the
sense that the woman is neither divorced, no Is she married, you're not fulfilling her rights.
You're treating her badly. You're abusing her because you know that she might not have anywhere to
go to but Allah is watching my brother, you will pay a price for this. It's not worth it as you grow
older, the sickness, the disease, whatever else might come with your old age, the lack of Baraka, a
lot of punishment that Allah will definitely meet out to you as a result of you keeping someone
hanging against what the Quran says. Allah says you either married to her with goodness or leave her
		

			with goodness, but don't leave her hanging, that she is neither married nor is she unmarried. Lisa,
		

			release her with goodness for him sir can be my roofing artistry can be as simple as that Allah
tells you, this is someone's child, this is my worship, I created this particular person, I want you
to treat them with goodness, keep them with you in goodness, or release them, release them with
goodness, you keeping them as per the norms in a nice good way or you release them in a good way.
There's no point to be evil towards your ex spouse or towards a spouse who needs to be divorced for
example, it's no big deal. It's not the first nor is it the last, if that's the last resort and
you've gotten to it, rather than just kick them aside and make them suffer. Do whatever you have to
		

			do the needful. Some people don't issue a Tilak because they know that I will have to give them a
hug. Rather you get what is known as a holder. The holder is when a woman applies for a divorce from
the man with a settlement of giving the mother back for no reason. I don't really have a reason I
don't like your face anymore. I just want this if the guy agrees Alhamdulillah it's done. And he's
he's encouraged to agree, and only to take the mark that he gave back. Not more than that. In some
cases. Some people settled for more than that, but it's against the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad
peace be upon him. But sometimes a woman is forced to go to the scholars or the RV, where there is a
		

			shadow a court to apply for what is known as a first, and that is a nullification. nullification
means I have reasons. When you have reasons for the divorce, he cannot come and claim the matter
back and ask you for money and so on. They will cancel and nullify the marriage without him. Many
men don't know this. We don't need you in order to issue a decree of nullification. Not at all, we
just need proof that you did not fulfill the basic rights as a spouse for X amount of time. And
that's it, we can give you a warning depending on what exactly it is. Sometimes it's a serious
matter. And the panel of scholars or the scholars or the RV, the judge will issue a nullification
		

			and declare the woman no longer the spouse of so and so. And he can jump and scream and yell that is
no longer his wife. If he wants he needs to get a new NECA new marriage with her officiate a new
marriage with her, but he can't just have her back. So Allah does come to the rescue of those who
are struggling, sometimes you don't know. And sometimes the scholars don't really help. Sometimes
the panel or the judges, sometimes my delay a little bit. But if you look at the secular laws, it is
that way. In every case. May Allah make it easy for us. I've only touched on this. I'd like you to
consider when you're getting divorced, what I've said today and make it easy for your ex. And you
		

			don't need to have a relationship with her. Just because the kids are the excuse. You can always
have a third party deal with it. Or three people in a group chat dealing with the problem. Let it be
and don't be hard on your ex. Because if you are hard especially when you've had children, you pay
the price. May Allah Almighty forgive us all Akula Kohli ha ha sallahu wa salam ala Nabina Muhammad