Lecture by Mufti Menk on 23 Nov. 2012 JHB. Venue: Suliman Nana Memorial Hall – Crosby 2092
Mufti Menk – Raising Tomorrow’s Leaders Today
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The speakers emphasize the importance of praise for children and leadership qualities, building tomorrow's leaders through leadership qualities for children, fulfilling promises to children, creating successful environments, and giving children opportunities to improve their chances of success. They also stress the importance of guidance and feedback from parents, teaching children to say no to certain things, and giving opportunities for improvement to improve chances of success. Hugs and staying in touch with children are emphasized.
AI: Summary ©
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We commence by praising Allah subhanho wa Taala sending blessings and salutations upon Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to bless him and all his companions his entire household, may Allah subhanho wa Taala bless every single one of us offspring, and may He make us from amongst those who can improve our own condition, and who can help our children and the coming generations improve their condition as well. And we asked the almighty to grant us the ability to be able to prepare tomorrow's leaders today,
my beloved brothers and sisters in Islam.
Firstly, I would like to extend some gratitude and thanks to the Auckland Park Academy of excellence for hosting and arranging this evening's function.
And the topic I was given to speak about,
as you know, is raising tomorrow's leaders today.
When we speak about tomorrow's leaders, we are speaking of our own children, the youth amongst us, those offspring that Allah has blessed us with, even if we don't have children, ourselves the fact that the oma has children, we are meant to be
very keen in the development of the children of the oma because tomorrow, we need leaders who will be able to face the challenges which will be greater than today's challenges.
As you know, every year there are greater challenges than the previous year as much as the world is becoming technologically very advanced, they are becoming very backward in terms of understanding and tolerance sometimes, and they are becoming very backward in terms of leadership and the understanding of leadership. Sometimes we are not sure of leaders, but sometimes we are short of people who acknowledge leadership and want to follow May Allah subhanho wa Taala make us leaders, and may He make us recognize leaders in our midst, and may He make us realize and understand that not every time will we be able to have everything our way, but sometimes we need to understand what
others are saying. And for purposes of leadership, we sometimes need to give up our opinion, may Allah subhanahu wa taala grant us goodness and understanding.
There are many ways of tackling this topic. And as you know, Muslim mean, we are fortunate to have with us the Quran and the Sunnah of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam the lives of the illustrious Sahaba robiola and home, the companions of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the way they dealt with matters the way they prepared their own children to be the leaders that we today call the pious predecessors and the way Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam himself, treated not only his own offspring, but even the children of others, his relatives, as well as all other children, especially the orphans, knowing that he himself was an orphan. And I'd like to start off
by making mention of the virtue of an orphan child, he who does not have a father.
At the age, before the age of puberty, is considered an orphan. And Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam was chosen by Allah subhanho wa Taala. To be an orphan. One of the reasons is, for those who are orphaned to know that leadership is not restricted to those who have both parents. Sometimes you have a greater leader in someone who may have had some form of, should I say, lack within their parental presence, but they may be leaders, just like Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam parental presence from birth was not, as we would have liked, in the sense for myself and yourselves a perfect condition would be when both parents are there. But look at Muhammad sallallahu alayhi
wasallam May Allah subhanahu wa taala make us from amongst those who can take care of orphans, those from our own families, extended families, as well as those from the families of the muslimeen and even others. Remember, the impact we have on the non Muslims also plays a great role in depicting the leadership qualities we have, because Islam is not just painted to those who are already Muslim, but even those who are not yet Muslim, may Allah subhanho wa Taala. Grant us goodness, this evening, I have prepared a 20 point plan. Usually you may hear me saying when you have a cough, you need a teaspoon at a time. So we have 20 minutes, each point is one mil. And after we've completed our 20
mil, obviously, it's not going to be every single point of developing your communication with the generation that is slightly younger than you, there will be points that may come to your mind and mind later on. And they will be a lot that we will still need to benefit from. But at least this is the beginning. One of the first points I'd like to make mention of is to praise your child. Point number one, it is very important to praise your child and to praise the children of the Muslim in the children whom you would like to believe, as of tomorrow to say a good word in front of others. Oh, Mashallah well done. Oh, you're looking so good Alhamdulillah, you've done so well, even if they
come up with four out of 10 in the examination. So what you've done well, they got four questions correct. Why do you want to concentrate on the six mistakes they made in public? When you when you raise your child in the presence of others, you naturally develop that leadership quality within the child by making them feel that they are loved and appreciated, and the goodness in them can always be developed. Later on, perhaps you can add, you've done very well. Next time you will even do better. So hon Allah so a word of positive encouragement in a positive way. Remember, praise your child in the presence of others point number one and this point and we would also be able to
understand that when you want to admonish your child, only if they deserve admonition, make sure it is not in the presence of others, because the amount of self or the feeling of should I say the the self destruction that is caused within a child by hearing
Their own parent, admonishing them aloud in the presence of others is really something we would not like. It is something that will result in the loss of the confidence of the child. Imagine we walk into a mall and we've seen Muslims doing this, you know, people who are dressed islamically. And this is why it's important we raised this, your child begins to yell, or, for example, they cry in the public, or sometimes they are asking for a specific toy, being a bit stubborn, that is the quality of a child, you need to develop the leadership qualities in that child to make tomorrow's leader how are you going to treat a child the child's job is to cry, your job is and the world is
watching you how to handle the child when the child is crying. You know, we've seen Muslims slap their children to smacks on the face in the presence of everyone and tell them you better shut up. I don't even like to use that will. You know, if we use the word shut up really. It's very, very bad, we have a substitute that is far more inviting of the leadership qualities in our children. If we were to say keep quiet,
keep quiet serves not the same purpose, it actually is a much higher work than shut up shut up shows a lot of frustration and inability within the person who said it. It shows that this person is so frustrated, they don't have a leadership quality in them to actually speak with respect to their own child, how is the child going to speak with respect to others? May Allah subhanho wa Taala help us So bottom line here, and we're going to get to this inshallah we will see it throughout tonight's talk that we need definitely to develop within us leadership qualities for our children to watch, and for our children to appreciate and learn from point number two.
Never make your child feel that he is useless. This is something that is connected to point number one, but it's a separate point because it is broader, and it is far greater. Sometimes it can happen without even a comment just with, you know the way you treat the child. It can happen they feel useless by favoring one over the other. They are taught that when we grow older, there are some who are more deserving of rights than others because that's what their parents did. So when you have children, the issue of being equal and equality within your children is blessed by Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
You know, a man wanted to give a gift to one of his children at the time of Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, and the messenger sallallahu alayhi wasallam asked him Have you given the same to all your children? He said no. The Prophet sallallahu Sallam told him, give everyone or don't give anyone Subhanallah so you give to all your children, you make sure they are equal, even sometimes, if one of them might be slightly unruly. Your challenge is to develop the qualities of goodness within the unruly child. Consider it a point of your failure if the child becomes unruly to the degree that you are now stressed and so on May Allah subhanahu wa taala help us choose the best schools for our
children. And you know, coincidentally here we are sitting at this function which was organized by this academy of excellence in Oakland Park. And really, we appreciate all those who are struggling and striving I see in our midst some from other schools, Muslim schools and so on. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant you strength it is not an easy task. Muslim parents are the toughest to deal with. And I am saying that and I challenge you, I have come across so many. And I'm telling you those who have the biggest complaints when they are in a Muslim school or the Muslims themselves. If there is a non Muslim school that has bigger negative points than the Muslim school, Muslim parents
feel too small to complain sometimes, and they feel too small to raise their voice but because we know the moody or we know someone who is in charge, we want to make a big noise about things may Allah subhanho wa Taala help us deal with crises that there may be in the schools we send our children to, in a manner that will solve the problem and resolve it so respectfully that our children will learn how to solve problems Allahu Akbar, we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to open our doors and grant us goodness so never make your child feel useless. In fact, Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us all as human beings do not feel like a write of your written off. Hola by de la de
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tell those of my worshipers who have transgressed against themselves. They should never lose hope in the mercy of Allah subhanho wa Taala Allah will forgive all their sins. This verse has so much
Goodness in it, it helps us feel a feeling that we are not useless. We are not a write off there is always hope, in fact that Allah and mufa sirim have made mention of a person who feels that Allah is not merciful is actually falling into the clutches of the devil. A person who feels that they've now committed sins that will never be forgiven by Allah subhanho wa Taala is actually falling into the clutches of the devil at the mercy of Allah so if this is the quality that Allah subhanho wa Taala has instilled within us to feel that we are always within reach of the mercy of Allah subhanho wa Taala we should make sure that our children also feel within the reach of the success that lies in
this world and the next May Allah subhanho wa Taala granted to us the third point
every time we speak to our children speak with respect us politesse. Thank you Jessa Camilla Farah, please you know when you're asking them something don't say please You know, give me the water say please Can you pass me the water even if it's your child? We normally scream from the corner Maria Give me the water. Okay, that's typical Muslim home isn't it? Gimme gi double me We even type it Mashallah.
But we should be saying please, can you pass me the water, speak with language that is not colloquial. Try that out. Speak with proper language, not slang. Try speaking with your children in language that is clear. Without slang. And voila, he you will find them speaking to others in a manner that when you hear them, you are proud of them. My son yesterday, a child came to me in the masjid one of my friends, children. And voila, he This is exactly how he spoke to me. He said, You know, I was speaking to my father. And this is like an eight year old child a nine year old. I'm not so sure the age. I was speaking to my father yesterday. And he told me that I should ask you and so
I would like to know from you what is the ruling of playing chess? The way he spoke, I looked at him I said, Mashallah, this youngsters? He said, you know, perhaps you might be able to assist me in this because I haven't understood it and looking at the child and I'm saying so patrulla you know, I just said that hamdulillah Mashallah, he must be wondering, what is this man going on about? But the reason is, hats off to those parents, who can speak to their children in a way that will lie, they learn the manner of speech from their own children, sorry, from their own parents, may Allah subhanho wa Taala, grant us goodness. So remember, when you speak to your child, be polite, it
teaches the child to be polite with others, do not swear because when you don't swear, the child will not swear when it comes to others. When the child swears, you can always tell the child You know what, this is not supposed to be the case, we can admonish the child within limits of admonition within the limits of admonition. And at the same time, we need to make sure that we have done it in a place that is acceptable where the child will understand this is me and my father are me and my parents are just our family. In fact, it's not even so advisable, sometimes, in certain matters to admonish your child in the presence of the other children sometimes deal with it
privately. The child will really respect you, because you have not brought the child even in the eyes of his own siblings or her own siblings, amazing. And this is the teaching of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Subhan Allah, we look at his Sunnah, and we find that he spoke from his heart, he spoke the clear language. And he even said, Do not speak slang. It will reduce your respect to Panama for me and you. You speak slang, it reduces your respect. Sadly, that's what we're used to today, may Allah subhanho wa Taala. Grant us a clean tongue with simple words that people can understand. Point number four,
you need to bear in mind when your child is young that this is just a child, don't expect them to be adults. Sometimes your child is four years five years old, and you expect them to come up you know, neat and smart, they clothes might be soiled or dirty, they might mess a little bit you know, you have a child who might play in the mud that's children for you let them do something that belongs to that age group Subhanallah do not treat your child like an adult when they're only 19 years old. Perhaps they need time to play. Now what we mean by do not treat them as adults we're talking of by taking away their playing time, and some of the qualities that they may have out of being children.
So when you see a child, for example, playing in the mud, you don't have to always stop them. You can set us aside a time where they are in the sandpit. In fact, some of the schools or the you know the grade zeroes we call them, those who are you know, just prior primary age, perhaps nursery or crush some people might call it that they have sand pits where the child is encouraged to play in the same Subhanallah because that is the age they have jungle gyms. You want the child 20 years old to play in a jungle gym? No, you know when I
I was young Subhanallah, I remember being carried by my mother. And at some stage, I was understanding still, and my mother was caring and someone said, you know, you're spoiling the child. So my mother says, well, would I carry this child when the child is now? 1020 years old? No. So I'd rather carry them for as long as I want now. So remember, you are not going to spoil your child by carrying them and so on. Sometimes you need to understand that is what they need. You as a dad, as a mom, how often have you carried your child may Allah subhanho wa Taala make us from amongst those who can treat our children within their age groups and understand and realize that they do need to
leave or need to pass through that phase of life. If I can quickly tell you the other side, the flip side of it, what are the negativities that might arise if we don't do this, the child rebels at an early age, because they haven't had the childhood. You know, they've always been treated as an adult now, and they're adults, they they go back to being the children, but they will not because their parents did not allow them to be those children, you know, they want to go to the park make time for them, they want to go somewhere. If it is a place that is wrong to go to, perhaps you can substitute that with a different alternative. May Allah subhanho wa Taala. Grant us goodness, may he make us
parents who really can prepare tomorrow's leaders today. Point number five.
We need to assist our children to make decisions. This is something important. The child must be taught to decide, help the child to make decisions. And this sometimes you will need to speak to the child. If they want to do something, it's not wrong for them to do it. Appreciate it, praise it and let them do it. Because they feel acknowledged again. They feel like they've achieved something they will grow they will understand you need to guide them you guide them but we help them to make their own decision. Sometimes Sometimes you can guide them by talking to them look, you have your swimming gala tomorrow, and at the same time you have cricket and at the same time you have Jumeirah for
example, what are you going to do? So the child says, I think I will. I'll go for the cricket, you know. So you have to help the child to make a decision. How will it arrive at a decision? So you say look, cricket is very good. And I think it's a good idea. But then what are you going to do about the Salah, for example, depending on the age of the child, and then the child will say, Oh, you know what, maybe I can read the Salah a little bit later then you say no, but it's a Juma. So don't you think you need to read it on time you know, it's very important Salah so we haven't just said no, it's not going to be like that you're going to come here, talk to them until they say no, that you
know what, I will go in the morning then I will come for the Juma and I'm going to go back Mashallah. That is good. See, the child has now been taught how to manage the decisions that it makes, or that he or she makes May Allah subhanahu wa taala grant us benefit may make us understand and realize point number six.
Whenever you have decisions to be made, ask your child for his or her opinion, very important. It's closely connected to the previous point as well. So for example, you want to buy a car, ask your child, what type of a car would you prefer? You know, you can guide them again, listen, they will feel important. They feel that, you know, my father asked me my opinion or my mother does, they will learn to ask other people their opinions. That's a leader, a motorhome show.
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the affairs of the believers are decided through mutual discussion or consultation. If we have not taught tomorrow's leaders what consultation is all about by never consulting within the home, how do we expect to create leaders May Allah subhanho wa Taala does good and so consultation with your own child teaches the child to consult with others like the previous point. If you help the child make a decision, when it grows older when he or she grows older, she will be able to help and guide others make decisions and will know how to make decisions himself or herself. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us goodness. So in several matters, you can ask your child what's your view, you know, what's
your opinion and then guide the child? What color do you think we should buy of the motor vehicle? Or where would you like to eat today? You know, we decided to go out for example, and then they name you a restaurant that they heard perhaps at school, which may not be halal. And then you can guide them to say, oh, but do they have a certification you know as muslimeen we're supposed to be looking at this and this and this. So now you're speaking to your child. They grow up asking a question whenever anyone says let's go to that restaurant, the first thing that comes to their mind is my father asked Do they have halal certification? So I'm going to ask the same question. So this is
just an example but we need to learn from these examples and we need to make
we instill this in our children, many of us take this for granted. And this is why we have our children they grow, as I say, like wild grass, you see, one is when you have a good garden that's looked after all the time, beautiful, you look at it, and you're so happy and excited, you know, Mashallah, it's nurtured. But when you have wild grass, believe me, you know, you have the dandelion, and you have everything else contaminating the whole garden, you know, Bush there, and everything happens in that may Allah subhanho wa Taala safeguard us, we need to know how to nurture look after and bring up our children properly, may Allah make it easy for us. Point number seven,
perhaps in the house, depending on the size of the home we're living in, we would we would perhaps have a corner or a place or a room for that particular child, maybe write their name in that corner, let it be their territory, perhaps it will add a lot of confidence for them, they feel this is my place my spot, I have this territory, you see, there's a boundary that I have, it's mine, you know, so perhaps you might want to put something there for them. And you might want to have a little corner for them. And at the same time, his achievements, sometimes hang them up on the wall, even at home, no matter how, you know, weak a painting may look, the fact that it was a three year old that
painted it, put it up on your fridge, write their name on it, voila, he every time they look at it, you know, this is something good, and it encourages them to achieve more, we go to schools and we find our children's achievements on the walls of the school. But we won't put it up on the wall of the home. Sometimes we put up prohibited animate objects on the wall, but we cannot put up something that is really a painting of you know in nature that is totally permissible of our own children, because we are too embarrassed right there. Your child's name and the age
at which they had grown, that particular drawing or painting whatever it was, and this is also good for some achievements say they have had a test at school and they got very good results. As I said, we always praise the results, perhaps we can probe them very gently to you know to develop, who maybe look at why they have got poor results if they do have and perhaps address them in a way that will help them inshallah uplift themselves and do better. But if they've done very well stick that up on your wall at home, perhaps in their little corner in their room. If possible. You know, imagine 100% for a math test, stick it up in the wall on the wall and see what happens. The child
will have a smile that is priceless, priceless, believe me. And sometimes we take these things for granted. May Allah subhanho wa Taala open our doors number eight.
Something very important, I should have actually started with it, but I kept it further down. Because you know, once we warm up, we start digesting a bit more than at the beginning. Now like what is goodness, teach your child to follow you. Reading Salah, very important. Your duty unto your maker, your child must follow your example. It is far more powerful for you to lead by example, than to instruct by words far more powerful. And I'm sure all of us seated here have seen our children. Those of us who do have children, those who don't May Allah grant your children through his blessing and mercy.
We have seen them at a young age of one and two, fighting to wear the clothing we wear or the mother for example, wears the hijab, they fight to wear that little hijab at an age of one, two and three when they cannot really speak yet and they want their own masala and they want to read Salah right next to Mom Why nobody told them anything. We are leading by example, our duty unto our maker so Allah Allah has kept it such that they will automatically watch and they will want to achieve May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us goodness remember what your child sees you doing they will remember it forever, especially when they are young. And when they are that age where whatever goes in is
like a seed that will germinate and grow May Allah subhanahu wa taala grant us goodness. So remember, your duty unto Allah, the tenets of belief in Allah subhanho wa Taala we need to instill them within our children from this age. You know sometimes something happens and you need to make a statement you know allies watching we are not going to do this. You know people swearing say allies watching me if you keep saying this the child will also say allies are watching me you know inside and if you keep on you know saying I have a duty I've got to go to the masjid because we need to please Allah. When you get wealth or something happens if this is from Allah, Allah gave us the
sustenance and from the sustenance we were able to buy you something and this is all from Allah. So I need to thank Allah for having given me and you should also thank Allah subhanho wa Taala. So, the belief the basics of belief in Allah subhanho wa Taala will be instilled speak about the angels speak about, you know life after death. Remember at a young age, we should not make the children
so fearful that they begin to tremble. You see, this is why the hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam says Morrow Abner acambis Salah to whom
Allah can be salata
start instructing your children to read Salah at the age of seven, the instruction sooner is the verbal statement will come out at the age of state f7.
What about before that? It doesn't mean that they should not be reading Salah No, but it means they should be following by example, this is what it means. And at that age, now you start providing them with words, if they haven't already got them. The reason is up to that age, they To be honest, they are not even mukalla they are not even responsible for their deeds, we are helping them that the day they turn, what we would turn the age of puberty, or what is Bulu known as maturity in Islam, where they become responsible, their books are opened and the angels begin to write, by the time they get to that age, they're already in order. Mashallah, they already everything they have in place. So the
way this is achieved through panela is, by us, speaking about goodness, before that age, and once that age sets in, we can start warning them of punishment if they leave it. And this is when they will realize you speak to them of Jelena and Jana, in brief before, perhaps more of gentlemen prior to the age of seven, and eight. and thereafter, when they grow a little bit older, we can speak to them also about jahannam. And remind them and warn them to say you know what jahannam is for those who are very, very bad people, those who do not want to associate with Allah in any way those who swear for example, whatever we'd like to say, Let us make sure that we do not create so much fear in
our children before they are actually or they have arrived at the age of puberty to the degree that they then are fearful of Islam. Sometimes it happens. Because remember, sometimes when our children mix with other non Muslim children, they are taught that, you know, oh, we're going to paradise Jesus died for our sins and so on. These types of beliefs sometimes be as the ears of the children, if we have not discussed those issues of mercy and goodness that Islam has, and Islam definitely has much more mercy than any other religion, we will be failing in our duties towards our children, how will we be able to create the leaders of tomorrow, if they themselves feel like they are far from
the mercy of Allah subhanho wa Taala? May Allah open our doors, point number nine.
We need to teach our children how to put forward their views when they have an opinion. And that will be by us putting forward our opinions in a correct way or correcting the child. When you How would you like to present your statement? And at the same time, how to speak to others? How do you address people? How do you put forward your opinion, when you disagree with someone? How do you disagree with them, we will be speaking to our children when we disagree with him in a way that we want them tomorrow to speak to world leaders when they disagree with a world leader that will start in the house. You know, today you disagree with someone the biggest swear words bled out of the
mouth of the Father, whilst he's on the phone. You know this F and this B and so on these statements and words are on the toes of the muslimeen will lie let's not deny this. And this is why our children no bigger swear words than us. You know what they are doing today? They are taking a good word. And amongst them they have an understanding that this is a swear word. So they actually calling you that word in your presence and everybody's laughing. And you saying Oh thank you, Nicola. Hey, thinking that it's something good. That is the new age, they've developed new swear words like their new phones every day and new technology every day they have, you know, their minds
are far quicker than us sometimes because the ram has been increased by the increase of RAM in the phones Subhana Allah, Allah subhanho wa Taala grant His goodness, and the deeper understanding what its effect because you have a child who's four years old will lie they will sit with an iPad, they will perhaps know more than you in no time. However, my son was five years old plays with a game sometimes.
And he's actually clocking it, which means he goes to triple nine or quad nine and it goes right to the end. And when I sat with it, I couldn't even get to 20 or 30. And they were laughing at me. Well, that's because perhaps you know, their children they know but Subhanallah look at how quickly they pick up because from that age, we need to make sure they do not only are in line with technology, but at the same time are taught how to use it responsibly. Because remember, a lot of Muslims are hooked on to *. And I've been reading stats of late on the internet. And believe me, * is a menace. They say the Muslim countries have a greater viewing of
* sites than the non Muslim countries. Isn't that embarrassing. May Allah protect
Why is it the case? So we need to teach our children, we need to show them responsibility, how to put forward your view. When you disagree with someone, it's very important, but at the same time, how to use that which is in your hands today. Remember, tomorrow, they will have something far more advanced than what we have. And they will be able to use things that we perhaps might feel redundant regarding, you know, today, when you have an eight year old Grandpa, he tell you, I cannot do it. You know, I cannot, for example, do with a cell phone, which means I don't need a mobile phone at all, I don't even know how to operate it, I will still use the little landline sometimes. Now when
you get to, you know, slightly younger than that 60 and so on. Now, they've started with those normal Nokia 61 things for now. And then you get a youngster or a young girl who's 1415 dad, I need my iPhone six you say but I haven't heard of that you don't know it's coming out next year in March. They know that already Subhan Allah, so they are far more advanced, we need to understand, may Allah subhanho wa Taala make us responsible parents, the worst thing you could do is for your child to catch you flirting with someone else, or for your child to catch you on a * sites are for your child, for example, to catch you doing something that is immoral, that is the worst example you
can lay, believe me, they look up to you as parents from Allah, Allah has made it such that they look up to you. And when they catch dad or mom saying things that are immoral, it hurts them I know of children who have lost confidence completely become suicidal, because of an affair they've discovered of their mothers, or their fathers.
Believe me, and the child doesn't know who to ask who to say anything to this is something very embarrassing. So remember, if you have a weakness, do not display it in front of your children. So much. So that good news to those parents who have the bad habit of smoking but still smoke behind their children's backs.
Please don't say I said good news to the smokers. No, we are saying something very specific. If you are smoking, and you are doing it not in the presence of your children, believe me, you deserve a pat on the back because you are acknowledging that it's a bad habit. And I would not like a bad habit for my children. The way I have it myself because I am preparing tomorrow's leaders today.
Today, we know much more about the damage and harm of cigarettes than we ever knew before. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us a deep understanding.
Point number 10. Encourage your child to ask questions and try your best to answer every single question they asked. If you don't answer it, they're going to get the answer from Bob next door. So Panama, or they're going to get it from school. And what will happen, they're going to get the wrong answer. Children note too much too early these days. Believe me, I was speaking a few days ago in one of the cities here. And I said you need to start speaking to your children about marriage from the age of 10. And people just looked at me. And I said they know about it already from the age of nine. By the time you click in a 10. They say that it is about time we already can tell you about
it. Today, they believe me, technology has made them to advanced and when we say speak to them about marriage, we're not talking of intimate details all at once, but break the ice to say you know what? The type of
Well, I've got one parent who actually told me that this is what worked for their child now the child Mashallah is old, married and got his own children. But he says, I used to tease my child from the age of 10, with a child of a very, very noble man, who was with this little girl was always well dressed, you know, islamically, and so on. And I used to always tease my son to say, I'm gonna get you married to that guy. And he says it ended years later with that particular marriage. Subhan Allah. So the father already from an early age, obviously nowadays, you know, parents don't really have a say, in their children getting married anymore. But you can, you can have an indirect say, by
having trained your child what type of qualities to look for, from the age of 10. You say, Oh, you know what, this is too much nakedness in the girl law. You're supposed to look for someone who can be, you know, a motherly figure, and so on from a young age. It's important in whatever way you feel appropriate for your child because different children have you know, different levels, but you need to break the ice somehow say something, open the doors and keep them as a closed body and friend of yours. So when they want to ask a question, it comes to that it comes to Mum, mum, you know what, today I saw x, say this or do this, it must come to you and you you've then got to say don't sway
and so on. But you've then got to tackle the question and thank Allah that they asked you, not someone else. You know, when they come to you confessing their crime, thank Allah it's you.
Do not punish them in a way
that they will never ask you a question again or they will
never confessed to you. They will never say something to you. They've done something wrong. They will come to you. If you find out or if they have confessed, believe me, confession I think deserves a lighter admonishments than if you were to catch them, may Allah subhanahu wa taala, grant us goodness, and may we make our children really true leaders such that they can be even better than us.
So just to repeat that point, we teach our children and encourage them to ask questions, they must question anything they want to question and learn to answer the question, if you don't know it's a Look, tomorrow, or by next week, we'll have the answer of this and go and find out. And you know what this will do? This will help your child not to be conned by people, they will learn to ask, why is this man saying this? Why is this man doing this? And then we need to teach them how to surrender to Revelation, when they ask a question. And the answer is a verse of the Quran. They might then ask, Well, why do we do it? So then you say, you know what, because we are Muslims. And it's a verse
in the Quran. So as muslimeen we surrender to what Allah says, whether we understand the detail of it at that moment or not, perhaps as we grow, we will begin to understand more. So now the child will know that sometimes I may not have a direct answer. If the Almighty says For example,
and I'm going to give you a typical example I've been asked the question several times. When you break wind, you need to make Hulu you need to make a pollution but you never wash the point of breaking of Windows a lot of what I'm trying to work with respectfully inshallah
you wash for example, your hands and so on, but you broke women. So the child says, But Dad, why don't we wash there? Make sense? Very good question. phrase the question, same brilliant question. The question came to my mind as well tell them so they feel encouraged to ask more questions. And then you said you know what, it is something spiritual that has been ordained and instructed by the Almighty and sometimes we may not be able to see physically the benefit of it, but spiritually there is great benefit the angels protect us and so on and we are protected from gene con and from whatever else and so on, and Mashallah, you can carry on with the answer. May Allah subhanahu, wa
Taala, grant us benefit. Point number 11. Always fulfill your promises unto your children. If you tell your child come here, and I give you a sweet when they come, they give them the sweet. If you achieve this, I take you to Makkah, if they achieve it, take them to Makkah, Subhana Allah and this is why I don't make big promises that you cannot fulfill. Because that teaches the child to make false promises. That's what it teaches the child to do. So the child when they when the child grows up, he or she will promise the spouse, you know what, I promise you two years we live with the inlaws after that we've got our own separate place. And look at everyone laughing here, all too
common, isn't it? Well, perhaps they have parents who also did the same thing. And they always, you know, say the statement to make you happy when the time came, they will something else May Allah help us fulfill our promises to our wives, to our husbands hamdulillah and even to our children. So make small promises, you know, you say the two years inshallah we live, then we'll see what happens.
Allah grant His goodness, I'm into territory, that I should quickly exit from China.
So it's very important for us to Panama to fulfill the promise to our children. And as I said, Don't make too big a promise that you know, you won't be able to fulfill. And if for some reason you were unable to fulfill a promise you made,
you need to explain properly, you need to really, perhaps, do something else which will please the child and perhaps make the child realize your complete inability to fulfill that particular promise that you've made for the child.
Point number 12 very important to teach our child how to develop the skills of being a member of a group.
This is something important might sound a little bit difficult, but let me explain it further.
You see, team effort is something that is very, very important when it comes to leadership, development, community development, how sometimes when we are a group of people, your opinion may not be the opinion that is chosen, it doesn't mean you leave the team doesn't mean that for as long as it is an acceptable opinion. You need to continue with the team. You know, sports, obviously Allah have said a lot about sports, you know, positive and negative. I believe that we can utilize sport in order to develop certain qualities that we can nurture and enhance within ourselves and our children. You know, competition is important within certain limits. And at the same time, it teaches
you teamwork, you know,
Football, I have no time for football. But what I do know is when we were in school and we used to play football, one thing we learned is without passing the ball, you don't win.
No matter how powerful you are in terms of, you know, kicking a ball and dribbling and so on. If you do not pass that ball, believe me, you won't win it till he taught me a lot. Although I gave it up, we only played it because it was compulsory. And I gave it up very quickly. But up to today, believe me, I have developed within myself or tried to develop
you know, passing on something to someone else that sometimes you feel perhaps you can do a better job but give them a chance, give them an opportunity, even if they happen to kick and miss the goal. So what you gave them a chance to kick perhaps they're developing, you know, today you have a llama sometimes and I'm talking about my own field, you know, they will tell you don't give that man a platform. And when I say that I say platform belongs to Allah. You can block platforms from anybody and everybody but believe me, if Allah wants to give a platform to a man, you will never be able to block it by the will of Allah we learned that from a very young age, give everybody a chance, you
know, let everyone have their say, let them have their peace, let them develop, they will also learn they will come through they will come with experience. If you ask me how did I start? I can spend a moment to tell you how I started I remember the first lecture I gave was a lecture that I had written which was so harsh on the virtue of Jumeirah and the hotel and how it is haram to speak when the hookah is on and so on. And I was newly graduated, you know, perhaps a while after I graduated, and I came up with a paper and I was shaking in the masjid. 15 minute talk in the town mustard in Zimbabwe. And I was shaking and I read this thing from the beginning to end. I've read it before,
and it took me 15 minutes. But when I read it in front of everyone, it took me seven minutes. I don't know how I was shaking. When I looked at the time now there was dead silence in the machine. I'm talking of myself today I'm speaking to you like I've never had a problem. I was one of the worst public speakers ever. Believe me I was so shy to take part in public speaking that I used to try and duck and dive I perhaps might've even been absent sometimes from school days because of the embarrassment of getting up and speaking to people. But perhaps Allah subhanho wa Taala through the eyes of people, and this is something important. It's not one of the 20 points, but I can edit on
make to offer your children a lot of it every time pray for them. Don't lose hope, no matter what keep on praying for that child come what may it is your child, even sometimes if the child has gone astray slightly, may Allah bring them back never lose hope that is your child your responsibility by the will of Allah subhanho wa Taala so I read this and now I'm looking at the crowd, you know, and I don't know what to do. And and, and one old uncle Allah grant him gentleman, he was sitting in front of me. He told me son, and I looked at him he said, read it again.
Imagine a sentence solve my problem. He saw seven minutes gone distill another eight minutes all he told me son, read it again. And that's it. And I said, Oh, Mashallah. And I started reading it again. I read it better than the first time it was repetition. For those who were there were very few, you know, we all like to go late for Juma, don't you agree. And it was actually a repeat for those who came late and it was more relevant for them. And I said look at that. And today Mashallah, because of that type of, you know, treatment where somebody helped me develop skills if they told me right from this day, you're not going to speak again because you don't know how to dribble the ball.
I'm giving you an example. I would have been the worst, but they gave me a chance they told me no, go for it. Go for it. Go again. Come on. We want to hear you Oh Masha, Allah Subhana Allah. And after that, you know, the same uncle came to me said, Son, well done and so on. He passed away some time later, like 100 gentlemen. And I still remember that day, and I will never forget it. Because people asked me, you know, where did you learn how to talk? So hannula and I say, you know, really, I don't know. It's Allah subhanho wa Taala when I started, this is how I started. So good news to those who do not speak in public. You may be a public speaker, you just need an uncle to tell you
read it again, shall we? Allah subhanho wa Taala grant you goodness, may grant us all goodness. So that is a team work team effort, how to pass the ball, and I spoke about how we can sometimes learn even from sport, and how even in battle the Prophet sallallahu Sallam handed some duties to certain people sometimes he gave leadership of the army to those who are not the best in war. Do you know that? Amazing. Why do we say this holiday Malhotra, viola Han who accepted Islam when he was sent to the battle thereafter he was not made. Initially in motor, the initial leader no he wasn't. There were three people before he was appointed. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant His goodness yet they
all knew
This man is the warrior from amongst us. That was all part and parcel of the sooner Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
Point number 13. Whenever you make a decision or you issue an instruction, try your best to explain why you've arrived at that decision for your child. So the child understands the logic behind it, so that the child can be assisted to make logical decisions later on. And at the same time, the child can be assisted to panela, to make decisions of themselves and to explain their decisions to others. Sometimes, you know, we have a weakness out of emotion and anger, we just make a decision. And then if you are used to always giving reason for your decision, you just want to say, whatever just because why what you know, nothing, you don't have anything to say you're angry, you're upset, it's
emotion, relax, calm down, explain yourself to your child. That's how you create a leader. If you explain to you don't, you are not answerable to your child, but we are talking about creating a leader. If you want to create a leader, you definitely need to explain yourself. So the child understands the logic and starts learning how also to explain itself and to make decisions based on whatever you have taught them to base it on. Well, Allah subhanho wa Taala opened our doors in that regard. One very important point, point number 14.
One very important point, point number 14, is, and I find it very beneficial for us to relate stories of our young days to our own children,
to relate the stories of our young days to our own children. Why because they will learn either from the good points or some of the negative points, you don't have to explain details of how naughty you were, because sometimes they might learn naughtiness from that, but you can say, you know how you were corrected. And so you can select what you want to say sometimes perhaps you can make mention of a few negative points that might have been in your life, with the idea of teaching them when they get of the age that they will understand what to do, may Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us goodness and openness in this regard. So it's important to relate to your children stories of when you were
young, just like how you would love to hear your parents relate to you, you know, back in the days, this is what used to happen. It's so touching because they will understand the movement of not only technology and time, but the thinking of human beings the change in environment and social norms and so on over a period of time. By understanding that just 30 years ago, it was so different and today Masha Allah look at what has happened. And then they will be able to relate that perhaps in 30 years from now, we will be having such technology that will be so different from today. So this is part of the benefit of it. I mean, many years ago, if I were to tell you, you know, there will be a time
when whoever you are talking to, on the telephone, you'll be able to see them.
No one would believe it. And you'd be able to pick out a little screen from your pocket and see them people would not believe it. So back in the days, we used to, you know, reserve a call with an operator to call someone who is not very far away. SubhanAllah today we can teach go to come out to operate Allah Subhana Allah to Allah. Grant His goodness, Michelle, I met a brother here. He told me I work for vodacom anything you'd like to say? I won't tell you what I told him. May Allah subhanho wa Taala help us retrieve good connections always, not only with our phones, but even with Allah subhanho wa Taala. My brothers and sisters point number 15. We need to teach our children how to say
no to that which is unacceptable. We need to teach our children how to say no to that which is unacceptable. Because believe me what happens is the children sometimes I've never spoken to about things that are unacceptable. Sometimes we don't say no. And we don't know how to say no. So what happens is, the child never says no people pressurize them into anything. They can be easily pressurized into a drug by a neighbor who says you want to feel happy and forget all your problems. Just put this under your tongue. Come open your mouth. You know how the doctor says you got to also say the same. And then they place it under the tongue with a promise by the neighbor's child that
you are going to forget all your problems. And we've never spoken to our children about this. You know there is no quick solution. Why should there be such problems that the child feels that I now need to forget these issues? Now Allah subhanho wa Taala help us never be a source of the problems of our own children.
So teach your child how to say no, when they see something wrong. And when you walk with your children today we are living in a non Muslim environment. Lots of things that we see that are wrong, you know, we don't need to become moving
madrasahs weigh every single thing we pick on because then the child can get fed up. But certain items every time pick on one thing, perhaps in a beautiful way you can address it, perhaps not even directly to your child. But you can just say, You know what? Don't look there, it's carry on, do it once, do it twice, do it twice, the child will automatically say, don't look there. Let's carry on trend.
Point number 16.
teach your child how to rise up
to failure, Allahu Akbar, how to react to failure, zero out of 10. What happens? I know of people today in this country current who have just got their results they have not done as well as they expected. And they are absolutely suicidal. Why? They were never taught that you know what, it's by the way. It's By the way, I have spoken to some children and told them I think the department perhaps the man marking your paper might have been drunk.
Because that's what might have saved the child from, you know, this is now just a patchwork, we calling it patchwork. I'm not saying that's the ideal thing to say to your child. But sometimes you have to do patchwork because the child is losing their head becoming depressed, you know, starting to suffer depression to the degree of the need of medication. If that is the case, just because you fail. Believe me, big deal. I know of so many people who are taught doctors today. Well, maybe not so many but a few who tell me we failed six or seven times when we were in high school. Nobody asks them you know, when they're about to
slip your belly as a surgeon. Doctor, what did you get from a trick? Did you pass first time or 10th time he says Hang on, he tells the anesthetist injecting.
Why because they fed up Allah subhanho wa Taala grounders goodness, what happens? You You might fail once you try again. Again, try again. And you continue until one day you get it perhaps drop your subjects to two at a time you will get there. But remember Where there is a will there is a way we need to teach our children how to relate to failure and how to respond to it, how to react to it, and how to rise above that issue. May Allah subhanho wa Taala, groundless goodness point number 17.
When you have made a clear cut error, apologize to your child. Don't feel too big to say I'm sorry, I really I apologize. It will not happen again. You teach your child how to admit fault. Some parents think never ever admit your error. You know whether it's in the presence of your daughter in law, son in law or son or daughter or anyone. You never ever say I'm sorry. I think it's it's a cultural thing. Sometimes some cultures perhaps, you know, promote that type of behavior and think it's merit Allah He it is a source of failure. When you do not say I'm sorry, when you do not admit your error, when there is a clear cut error. Voila, he the chances of you engaging in proper Toba
with Allah are diminishing. Because then there will come a time when you won't even want to admit your errors with Allah subhanho wa Taala. You teach your child to justify people say you know what, I committed adultery But hey, you know what I'm telling if you knew the condition I was in at that time, while you're presenting excuses. Just say, look, I made a mistake. I was totally wrong. I'm not going to do it again. It's over. Love. May Allah subhanho wa Taala never make us uttered ifs or buts when we are engaged in repentance, because one of the conditions is to admit wholeheartedly that you have earned you are wrong. And to feel the regret. That is when Toba is accepted. How are
you going to teach your child to say or to admit their fault when you've never admitted your fault to them, when they were clearly watching, and you perhaps made a mistake in that regard. So we asked Allah subhanho wa Taala to grant us benefit, and to make us from those who can always whenever it happens, admit our error and apologize even if it means to our own children. Number 18.
Have a few surprises for your children. Keep a day when you give the child a surprise, you know you present to them a token of appreciation now and again, something they really dreaming for once in a while perhaps give it to them, it really enhances and boosts their deeds of goodness. So to praise a deed of goodness sometimes set aside a day one day and you say you know what? I bought this for you because of X, Y and Z. The schools do this. Why do they do it because they want the children to excel. They have a day at the end of the year, sometimes even a weekly badge nowadays that you know the best child in the week. Here it is best effort which means if you were a child who always got
three out of 10 and now you've got five out of 10 the fact that you've shot up by so many percentage you've done better than all the others one who was nine out of 10 and he still nine out of 10 perhaps the one who's now got five after having three deserves a better
So if you have given the child recognition of that effort, it will prompt them to make a greater effort and achieve even more. So this should happen even in the home. You need to acknowledge the child, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam really used to
acknowledge goodness even from children. You know, they were one of the battles the prophets, Allah, Allah made two of the companions wrestle with one another. And he awarded the winner by saying, Okay, can you come with us? No problem. So Allah,
the Prophet sallallahu sallam, he spent a lot of time with children. He took his time when he saw a child he stopped, he paused if he could, and he would actually spend much more time that is development of tomorrow's leaders. That is where we have the Sahaba of the Allahu Allah. And he says, Subhan Allah, they were heroes. They were superstars. Allah subhanho wa Taala. Grant us even a little bit of that. So it's important for us to
acknowledge or to set aside the day where we have surprises or time some either in the month or in a week or in a year, depending on the size of that particular prize or something that comes as a surprise, you know, suddenly tomorrow, are we all heading way holiday way Mauritius Dad? Are you sure you know that type of thing for your child to say that to you, or a family member voila here it is something that can increase the love in the home and it will definitely develop the good qualities point number 19.
This is also a very important point that we should have mentioned far ahead but I've left it intentionally towards the end because when we go sometimes we remember the last few points.
You know there are many points people must be thinking that you wanted us to take notes you should have told us food will be sold outside and please bring your pens and papers. Don't worry this is recorded by the word of Allah in no time it will be on the net by the will of Allah subhanho wa Taala
we need to make sure
that we train our children to read a portion of the Quran daily. Allahu Akbar Allahu Akbar. the praise of Allah portion of the Quran. Not too much that the child becomes lazy you know people make Dally and they read a book at home this stallion sometimes 20 minutes the child is yawning and even sleeping and they think or know when they want to duck and die because it's too long brother it happens in Salah the Mussolini's do not go further away because you know Captain Formula One is not the man or you know what I'm talking about.
You know, if you have the captain would be everybody's a sharpshooter. When you start at eight o'clock, five to eight you finish, then this is sorry, five past eight.
People want to finish because shaytan brings about laziness. So when you train your child you want them to read Quran tell them one verse, let them open it let them read a short portion, the minute you notice they are getting slightly irritated. No problem Mashallah, now tomorrow inshallah hamdulillah that's the capacity Leave it. May Allah open our doors so even if you're reading a book, train them and teach them to read material that is good to question the material the reading that is a good book for me to read. And you need to show them how you would find out whether it's a good book or not who to ask in case you are absent one day, may Allah protect our children from reading
filthy books. Sometimes we are caught with the dirtiest of books, under our pillows by our own children, and then we expect them to read for us. You know, it's a shameful act. May Allah subhanho wa Taala safeguard us and protect us the last point we have for this evening. And this, I've kept it for the end intentionally Mashallah, as I've noted these points down, you know, bringing it in from another source. The point that was one of the most powerful points not to say that any one of them was not strong, is tell your child repeatedly how much you love your child. repeatedly. After the statements. Show your child say that you love the child, I love you, my child, you are the most
important person how gorgeous you are, even if they might have a little defect here or there. You have to make mention as an Amana, from Allah, how gorgeous the child is how you feel the child is the most important person or your children are most important to you. The same applies to our spouses we need to utter these words. And then another very important point is to hug them to embrace them with a good solid embrace. You know some people The problem is, I was speaking about this earlier I read this point to my wife and she said oh they need to learn from you. Allahu Akbar.
Allah grant us goodness The worst thing is to embrace your wife with such a weak embrace like you don't even want to embrace a give a solid hug Mashallah not so tight that you break a back but Alhamdulillah you know, a solid reassuring hug tight lasting Long You know, and Mashallah encompassing. I mean, that's your your maharam Come on. And your children you embrace them. Obviously when the daughter becomes of age and so on. There is a different way of
Dealing with her but we need to understand that's my child. I need to embrace my child I need to kiss my children. It's a similar to kiss your children. Do you know that? Now Allahu Allahu Akbar, may Allah grant us that.
Make sure you've, you know, brushed your teeth after the secret because they may never want to kiss you and you might not know why. Allahu Akbar. So I have made mention of these points we ask Allah Subhana Allah to Allah to grant us goodness, I haven't looked at the time today, but I'm sure I've overshot. And at the same time I asked Allah Subhana Allah to Allah to grant us goodness and 100 I see the alertness and everybody in everybody's eyes. I hope and I pray the few words we've added will definitely help us raising tomorrow's leaders today. And as I said, there is much more to it than just the 20 moves, but inshallah we've started with the bottle the rest of the 100 we can
continue getting it and Shall I see some doctors in my midst as well? And may Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us all cure from the diseases we may have, whatever they may be, until we meet again, we say what's on a lot of what's in them all robotic Allah Subhana Allah be handy. So panic alarm or the hamitic Misha de la ilaha illa Anta