Mufti Menk – Parent’s Disagreeing with their Child’s Choice of Spouse

			does a parent have a right to disagree with their choice of spouse of their son or daughter? I think
Mufti just put it perfectly where he said, it's obviously the best to get the blessings of your
parents, and obviously, anybody who's been married, even if you've run off with somebody, the love
of your life, whatever it may be, there comes a time we, to human beings living together, they grew
up differently, they think differently, you're going to clash on a few different things. And what
tends to happen is that people who haven't taken the blessings of their parents and they start to
regret should high or shouldn't have I should I should I have done this? Or should I have actually
		

			waited and gotten the blessings of my parents? So I think it's important to put it well, to say that
try your best to involve the parents and get their blessing. You save a lot of headache later.
Absolutely. Hopefully. Would you like to add to that? Yeah, I agree with him. And if you're saying
that, you know, do they have a right?
		

			In the case of a guy, he might be able to, technically have a nica officiated without his parents.
And we would say it's valid. In the case of a girl. According to the majority of the scholars, she
needs her father, she needs someone and I tell you, that's a Mercy of Allah. Because when when a
girl is all on her own going in, the people that she's married into know that she's got no one, the
chances of her being abused are more than if they know she's got guys around her brothers, parent, a
father, uncles, and especially if the guys have met these people, and they big buttons, you know,
meaning they big guys, you know, and you see, and you look at them the minute you want to talk to
		

			his daughter, you remember the face of the Father is
		

			the kid like you know, you chilled because you know that whoa, this person's got everyone behind
them who's probably not going to tolerate my nonsense. That's the whole idea of having a protection,
you know, to say this, and I give you my daughter. Remember, when I've given my daughter's away,
I've always said, Look, all I need you to do is please respect her and honor. That's it. Respect,
offer her respect and honor. The rest of it. Insha Allah slowly, but surely you guys can navigate
through it. I've never interfered in the lives of my,
		

			you know, sons in law, or my daughter in law, in the case of my son never interfered, I've let them
do whatever. But all I always tell them is just learn to respect each other and honor each other.
That's it. I wouldn't like to see someone coming, screaming and abusing swearing my own daughter, it
would hurt me, I gave you this child. You know, it's not for me. It's something that you've that
would actually be a red line. May Allah Almighty make it easy for all of us. I mean, we this is a
huge topic by itself. And we've got some questions on it.
		

			I can say, look, one of the issues I was dealing with locally with the was a girl who wanted to get
married to someone, the parents were thinking about it. And they said, give us some time. The girls
in laws put pressure on her to the point she'd say something and then in the evening, she's like,
No, no, no goes against it. And I remember speaking to her, this almost broke my heart. To be
honest, I can say this. I asked her the question. I said, Do you have any complaints about your
parents? And the parents will ask and just wait one week of the one week, and they'll do the NIC
cards so they can announce it to that if they relatives? I said to the girl, I said do you have any
		

			complaints about your parents? She said no. And I asked, I said for 23 years of your life. They
brought you up with love and kindness. And she said yes. I said they gave you 23 years, and you
can't give them one week.
		

			And the boys side pushed ahead and did the Nick car without the Father.
		

			And they got a random uncle who the girl had never met to stand in the place of the valley.
		

			You see the parents? They were heartbroken. You know Murthy, like what would you say in this? And
all it takes is a little bit of patience. I agree with you completely. I've been involved in similar
matters for many, many years. And a lot of the times a few years into that marriage, there's a lot
of regret, which they don't realize you need your families. However, there are some families where
the folks are totally unreasonable, totally unreasonable, you know, they have tribalistic races
sometimes, in those cases, I would, you know, relate to the people trying to get married. And we may
have to involve in you know, like they say transfer the guardianship to a third party only where
		

			there is legitimate reason to do so after all avenues of trying to get the folks in are exhausted.
But otherwise, don't. Don't treat that territory. It's not worth it. I mean, imagine you get married
you have a child, how excited are you? You don't know 20 years down the line. This child is going to
make you cry tears of blood.
		

			So it's really sad. May Allah make it easy.