Mufti Menk – Marriage Advice

			Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.
		

			Bismillahi Rahmani Raheem Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah Allah Allah He was happy
here Jemaine, we thank Allah subhanahu wa Jalla for all the beautiful occasions that He has given
us, indeed My beloved brothers and sisters, if we look at our own lives a few years back, we will
realize that Allah subhanho wa Taala has blessed us with much more than we had perhaps 1020 or 30
years ago, or a little bit more. We tend to complain about the negatives that we happen to face in
our lives, while our life is actually improving. Rather than focusing on the overall improvement
that Allah subhanho wa Taala has bestowed upon us. This occasion we have here today is the official
		

			creation of a Nika
		

			I want to congratulate the couple that are coming together today and make a sincere dua for them
that Allah bless them with goodness and happiness. Allah bless them with bliss and Allah subhanho wa
Taala grant them the success of the dunya and the Akira. At the same time, I wish to congratulate
the families that have facilitated this and made it possible for many families out there show no
concern regarding the marriage of their own sons and daughters. So it is our duty to ensure that we
congratulate those who have shown that concern
		

			and facilitated for their young ones, the getting together in a healthy relationship. I pray that
that can be a motivation for myself and yourselves to do something positive about our own children.
May Allah make it easy for us. At the same time, another congratulatory note regarding the official
creation of this beautiful Nika in none other than the house of Allah subhanho wa Taala. It shows
that this is a sacred Union. The getting together of people in nica is not just a social activity.
It's not just a merrymaking moment where we are to earn the anger of Allah subhanho wa Taala.
Rather, it is a celebration of half of your Eman according to some of the scholars.
		

			The celebration of half of your Eman should kick off in the house of Allah subhanho wa Taala. And
therefore the Baraka that is there. When we do things the correct way, is actually far greater and
it is noticed in our generations to come. May Allah forgive those who have made the mistake already.
Sometimes you get the uncles and those who look at you as though you know what, it's too late. We
already did all the harm there was during our own functions. Now what should we do? Well, we make
Toba and at the same time we have hope in the mercy of Allah, Allah will change things for us. And
then when we have our own children and family members, we should put in a small word of
		

			encouragement to say my brother, my sister, this is your big day. Just do it the right way. Don't do
it the wrong way. do it the right way. It's your time to show Allah subhanho wa Taala that, Oh
Allah, you have given me such a happy day. I'm going to make you happy by doing it correctly. May
Allah keep us with the simplicity of Nika. I've seen through my travels many cultures where Nika is
made so difficult because of formalities that people have added due to them clinging to cultures
that happened to be very, very materialistic.
		

			So sometimes people cannot afford the marriage so they prefer to stay in Zina and in Haram. Whereas
in Islam, it's supposed to be simple, it's easy. There is an easy job from one side there is a
Kaboul from the other side meaning a proposal from one and acceptance from the other with a token
Maha. Maha is not actually a dowry, but it is a token gift that is presented from the boy to the
girl in Islam.
		

			You know, the younger generation call it a down payment, not a down payment. This is your first
after that every month, you have to put your money here, but in actual fact, that is a joke. We look
at it as an honor. Allah says men are responsible for their flock, just like women are responsible
for various other roles that Allah has placed upon their shoulders. So we have our own
responsibilities that at the end become the means of pleasing Allah subhanho wa Taala on both sides.
we fulfill this responsibility, the kindness, the goodness, the beautiful words, imagine
		

			If you hear the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu sallam, where he speaks about the best of us, I'm
sure you've heard it or you can
		

			only the best from amongst you are those who are best to his wife. The first interpretation of that
term is goes to the wife. That term includes in it includes in its extension, family members, when
you say l, you referring to family, but primarily you start with the wife and the for the wife, who
is it? It's the husband, okay? If a person was not interested in getting married, how are they going
to come to this top level of Korea the best from amongst you? How can I be the best from amongst the
people when I haven't made the the effort to try and get married SubhanAllah. So it goes to show
that when you get married, Allah opens new doors of a bar that did not exist prior to your marriage.
		

			You now have
		

			a spouse, you now have to lend an ear to people whom you didn't lend an ear to before you have to
consider their opinions. We are not immature people who say your wife, you have to just, you know,
instruct her and she must follow what you say. We are not immature people, we believe there is a
loving relationship. Yes, we do believe you consider very strongly what you say to each other,
whether it is from the wife to the husband or the husband to the wife, consider it if it is in the
obedience of Allah, the happiness of Allah, the goodness of a person, then inshallah that is what
will prevail.
		

			Sometimes the husbands and we have come across this, they issue an instruction in the displeasure of
Allah. And then they say, I'm the man, you're supposed to follow me. There is no following in the
disobedience of Allah subhanho wa Taala either way. So the point is, we need to be happy. This is
somebody whose daughter, she is an honorable daughter. She has a very, very loving family as well.
And this is somebody's son, he is an honorable son. He has a very, very loving family as well. Now
the two are starting up together with a new family. They will take advice from the elders. When we
say in laws, many people look at that word. And they take it as an insult. I'm sure you're aware of
		

			this, they take it as already I need to, you know, build this wall between me and the in laws. We
don't believe that these are our elders. We need to be respectful on both sides. In fact, on all
sides, they're more than just two sides. Be respectful, be kind say good words. When you offer
advice, do it in the most loving way. What I've noticed something very interesting, we will hear the
affiliation of the Nika in a few moments. You will hear a verse that you often hear yeah levena mano
de la Hakuna Oh cola.
		

			Sadie.
		

			We all know this verse, right? Are you who believe be conscious of Allah develop your relationship
with Allah subhanho wa Taala and utter that which is upright?
		

			Why is this verse repeated? Why? Why is it so important to repeat this? Because 90% of our problems
are connected to the tongue. We don't use them. We don't use the tongue correctly. It's a small
organ small,
		

			but it causes a lot. So if you are concerned about the advice and instruction of Allah, your life
will be easy. When you want to say something, choose a good way to say it. That's your family.
That's your spouse, Visa respectful people, perhaps the parents of your spouse, the grandparents of
your spouse, whoever may be there, speak with respect or keep quiet because the Hadith re iterates
and confirms this. Men can you may know Billa he will Yeoman theory for Leopold hiren. Olia Smith,
		

			who ever truly believes in Allah.
		

			It was enough for the prophets, Allah salam to say cool hiren Ozma. It was enough for him to say
that. But he started off in another way. He says if you truly believe in Allah, not just a claim,
you really believe in Allah. And if you are really worried about the Judgement Day, the last day you
really believe in your heart that there is a hisab to come, you will watch your mouth Subhan Allah
Subhana Allah, amazing. If you truly believe in Allah and the Last Day, you watch your tongue,
either you say something which is good, or you don't say anything, there is no third option for a
moment. How many of us have Swan how many of us swear
		

			For no reason when we are talking to our friends and family members every other little piece of word
is actually a swear word as though it is the spice in our food. We cannot eat the food without the
spice just like that. We cannot speak without the swear word. I promise you house of Allah beautiful
occasion. Let's ask Allah to grant us the ability to cut that out. It will help you in your own
life. It will boost your own self respect, because you don't say bad words. Try it out. Your friends
will learn from you try it out, your family will be living in a happier way. Many people they come
home they swear while they are asking for something.
		

			They use bad words, these derogatory words. They go back to kulu colons I didn't say that which is
straight. Do you really think it's straight? If you say that which is straight? And like I said,
this verse is repeated even upon the occasion of *. But if you say that which is straight, Allah
tells you what he will do for you. He says, You slip Amala come. We have a fella convenor
		

			just by speaking properly and saying that which is straight, staying away from abusive, hurtful,
harmful words to those around you. Allah says he will make your other deeds Good, good enough to be
accepted. They will become acceptable. You will enjoy your Salah. When you are in Salah you're
standing in front of Allah. Are you allowed to say anything you want in Salah? No, you have to do
certain things taught by Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, you have to say the word of Allah which is
the purest and the cleanest word. You have to say the word of Allah subhanho wa Taala I've got to
read Quran. If I've been using my tongue for bad words, swear words and so many abusive words all
		

			day, then I come in front of Allah subhanho wa Taala Do you really think I'm going to get the
maximum benefit that I'm supposed to be getting from that goodness. But if I am always conscious of
my words, when I get into Salah, the Quran says you slay Amala calm, you deeds will become
acceptable, they will become good enough to be taken by Allah subhanho wa Taala when you have a
feeling like Uber come because of your efforts that you have made to try to say the best words, the
most loving words the most. Meaning the words filled with kindness and goodness and compassion.
Allah says we will forgive you for other minor sins, the minor sins will just go they will drop out
		

			by the will of Allah why you are conscious to please Allah subhanho wa Taala so this advice is for
the couple who are coming together and for all of us who will hear this May Allah grant myself the
ability to actually follow what I have said, to purify the tongue to respect all the people, no
matter what no matter who it is, no matter what type of a disagreement you have with someone. Only
use respectful words to refer to agree to disagree no matter what we have no excuse to use bad
words, no matter who it is.
		

			So the reason I started off this way is it's assumed now of the prophets of Salaam to seize the
opportunity of the gathering of people to say a good word.
		

			And on the occasion of Nika reminder for all of us, that we can take home two to put into our lives
in a way that we would actually benefit and also a piece of advice for all those who are coming
together and encouragement for those who are not married. May Allah make it easy for you. Those who
are married May Allah make it a day of happiness such that you can resolve your matters and so on.
akuto li ha pasado Allahu wa Sallim wa barik ala nabina Muhammad