Mufti Menk – Lessons from the death of Ayesha Arif Khan

			Salaam Alaikum my brothers and sisters, we all know that Islam prohibits suicide. Recently there was
a girl called Aisha who committed suicide. Why did she commit suicide? And what does Islam say about
that? And what should we be doing from about that? And what should we be learning from that? Subhan
Allah. So I thought I'd make a short video explaining a few aspects number one, as much as suicide
is haram in Islam prohibited and we're taught never to take our own lives while at Actonel and full
circle. Allah says it in the Quran, do not kill yourselves. And Allah has made it prohibited. The
Prophet Muhammad Salah has issued warnings against those who do commit suicide. But the same Prophet
		

			Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam has said that the angels lift the pen from three types of people, their
deeds in those conditions are not written. The first is a child until he grows up until he becomes
an adult. The second is a person who is sleeping until they wake up from their sleep. So what you
see in your dreams is not held against you ever. What happens while you're asleep is not held
against you. And the third is a person who is Majnoon mentally disturbed or unwell psychologically
unwell, they don't know what they're doing until they know what they're doing. So Allah alone knows
the condition of a person at the point where they actually committed the suicide. For that reason as
		

			much as we do promote the prohibition and believe in the prohibition of suicide. When someone does
committed, we cannot judge that this person is going to * etc. Because we don't know maybe they
were in a mental condition that that deed was not even registered in the eyes of Allah subhanho wa
Taala. That having been said, I Isha said in a video she made prior to her committing suicide, which
showed her quite well and quite, you know, looking okay, but many people hide what they're going
through. When you see a person's face, they might be bubbly, smiling, and so on. You don't know the
pain that they're going through in their hearts. And therefore, when she made this video, she
		

			actually mentioned a few things. It was good that she mentioned a few things because we can actually
address this matter.
		

			She was exploited as a daughter in law and as a wife, she was actually abused to the degree that she
felt there is no way out. Her family couldn't do much because of culture, her in laws and her
husband, according to her, kept on demanding from her every single thing more than she could
actually manage, according to her. So what was the problem? The problem is when we get married as
Muslims, the boy is supposed to give the girl the groom is supposed to give the bride what is known
as a Mar. Mar is a gift, a gift of whatever, whatever she demands, whatever she asks whatever her
family would like. And he needs to assume responsibility of three basic things as a minimum, food,
		

			clothing and accommodation. He needs to provide for her place he needs to give her food he needs to
make sure that she is dressed and she has clothing. That's the minimum he must assume responsibility
of if a man cannot afford that much he should not get married. The props are seldom cism Jamar Shara
Shabaab, Imani Stata, I mean, komaba at affiliate azzawajal, whoever from amongst you or youth is
able and capable to assume the full responsibilities of marriage get married, if you can't do that
you cannot get married. Unless obviously, you have someone helping you like your father or your
folks, that would be okay. But when we have because of a culture we're following, that is against
		

			the Islamic teaching imposed on the bride to pay money to get married. So the dowry comes the other
way around an Islamic unacceptable. What happens we say that girl has to come up with the house, the
car, her entire salary, she must serve the husband's entire family, she must come up with the
furniture, the clothing and everything else. And on top of that she must be smiling all the time and
be at the beck and call of the whole tribe.
		

			And she must be okay with that. That's an Islamic that's prohibited. That is what caused what our
Isha did. And that is haram. Let's never blame Islam for something that Islam has prohibited. And
people have done it who may have been Muslim, but that culture needs to be addressed. And it needs
to be modified because it is wrong. You cannot enslave someone you know, if you have daughters and
in those cultures very sadly backward Subhanallah where they actually have to pay to get their
daughters married. And not only that they're enslaving their own daughters by committing the
daughter to providing the house the accommodation, you will work from morning to evening. wherever
		

			else you're working, get the salary, give it in your father in law's hand or your husband's hand and
that's it. You still need to come
		

			Cook clean do the washing the ironing everything else and make sure that you're happy with it you
must be smiling and everyone must decide what they want to eat and you must just keep on doing
whatever it is Subhan Allah what Islam is this the process alum says hi eurocom hire only the best
from amongst you is the one who's best to his wife. Subhan Allah, that's the statement of the
Prophet peace be upon him he had a beautiful relationship with his wives, his family members Subhana
Allah blanning. So what hurt me the most is people blaming Islam for something. And secondly, people
dooming this girl to say she's in * told you she's in * were you there, or maybe you were
		

			there. Subhan Allah, Allah forgive us. We don't know the condition of her mind at the exact moment
of that particular death, we make dua, May Allah forgive her shortcomings, and grant her genital for
those. Now, the reason why we speak about suicides so strongly is because it definitely is
prohibited without a doubt. And it definitely there is a punishment for those who are doing it and
so on whatever. But whether or not that punishment will be meted out by Allah, because he knows the
exact condition the person was in, and the condition of their mind whether the angels actually wrote
that deed or not, as I explained earlier, only Allah knows. So we cannot say that. But we can learn
		

			lessons from this to say, my brothers and sisters learn to respect each other. You will boys out
there, please remember something. Yes, you have a role to play. Your wife has a role to play, but
there should be no abuse, no abuse, I believe, from what I've read, that her husband that actually
said, you can go and kill yourself and make a video before you do so and send it to me. That's
exactly what she did. What type of words are these? You're supposed to be saying good words. All my
life. I've been addressing people getting married, and reminding them kulu Colin sadita say straight
words to one another say beautiful, loving, kind, romantic words filled with goodness and make
		

			people smile, especially your spouse and your children spend time at home. Own up when you've gone
wrong. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us protection. So I thought I'd make a short video
mentioning that yes, we've been watching what's going on I I tried to verify as best as I could
before I made a video. But I want to tell you it is unacceptable to treat your wife in this way. And
it is unacceptable to treat your daughters in law this way. And I do know people might say, well,
there is a problem the other way around as well where the daughters in law are treating us like
trash. I do agree. But at this juncture, we're talking about someone who's committed suicide as a
		

			result of this problem. That's why we're addressing this problem. And I have addressed the reverse
in the past as well. We need to strike the correct balance. Remember that being a real man is when
you have made a woman feel like a woman and you've made her feel like your spouse. Respect, honor,
dignity, fulfillment of rights, stand up wherever you have to stand up, to defend your spouse to be
there for your spouse, and Subhanallah respect your in laws, the family of your spouse, respect
everyone. Make sure you're an individual who is loving, kind, caring and very strong. A strong
person is the one who respects others. A strong person is the one who can control himself when he is
		

			becoming angry or upset. Not the one who vents frustrations. So May Allah subhanho wa Taala forgive
every one of us. May Allah forgive Aisha and the grantor genital for those make it easy for her
family, her loved ones. And at the same time, I pray that those who were responsible assume that
responsibility and I pray that they are dealt with. And I pray that we that this video would
actually make it clear that this had nothing to do with Islam. We don't blame Islam. Actually, the
cultures that people follow have reversed the roles completely. And that's where things went wrong.
		

			We don't expect from someone things that Allah has not placed on their shoulders. May Allah subhanho
wa Taala forgive us all akula kolyada sallallahu wasallam wa Baraka ala nabina Muhammad