Maryam Amir – Starting Quran Memorization as An Adult, Working, Balance &moreUstada Fuseina Mohamad
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Subhanallah, Subhanallah Alhamdulillah, ILAHA, illallah,
Allahu Akbar, so wahan Allah, Alhamdulillah, wa la ilaha,
illallah, Allahu Akbar, subhanAllah, Alhamdulillah, habili
na Muhammad Allah, Mulana, Muhammad will take two. Yes. Ali
wasla, Malay, catalyla, Alhamdulillah, it's such a
blessing to have you, oh. Alika masala, what a solid Islamic
SubhanAllah. Alhamdulillah.
Abu Muhammad, Wale, salaam, wasina, Alhamdulillah, Inshallah,
we're going to have a set of a Sina joined. Oh, you're so kind.
May Allah, bless you so much, and all of you.
Mashallah 3am in South Africa, wow. Allahu, Akbar, the time of
the Quran. Inshallah, may Allah accept from you.
How are you? Alhamdulillah, how are you doing? Alhamdulillah, so
honored and so that you're joining us today.
We have the extreme honor of having a set of a scene of
Muhammad, masha Allah
Quran. She has each as a desert in the ashram Masha Allah and the 10
Kira, at which is an incredible honor. I'm so honored to see the
face of a person who is of a Quran with the noor of the Quran on your
Facebook. He's a graduate of Kalam seminary and Mashallah. I've heard
from so many people that they love your teaching style of the way
that you teach Quran in Arabic. May Allah, bless you.
You are someone who has really inspired so many of us to want to
go to the Quran. And we would love to end story today, Inshallah, so
can you begin that's your own words, your own story. Um, yes, it
really is an honor to be here. First of all, I've been following
you on Facebook for years.
I was like, Never, no way. Here I am, like handgirling you.
Subhanallah, such an honor to talk to you. It's, it's mutual
havdilah. So you know, my Quran story is not conventional. I guess
you know, a lot of the times when we talk about folks who memorize
the Quran and so forth. Sometimes we expect to hear, you know, I
went to this HIV school when I was young, and so forth. And that
really wasn't my story. I started memorizing the Quran
when I was already an adult. I had finished college. I was probably
around 27 or so, and there was not one kind of moment where I said,
Okay, I'm going to memorize Quran now, you know, there wasn't one
particular day when I, like, enrolled in a program or anything
like that. It really was a very gradual process for me where I
had, you know, different different experiences, different
you know, different inspirations that led me to this place. And so,
you know, I had started memorizing on my own, just reading Surahs
that I liked, you know, I grew up in the in Saudi Arabia, so we in
our school. It was an English medium school, but we did do Quran
in Arabic. And so we had memorized, like, just Amma, and
I'd forgotten it by the time, you know, we graduated, went to
college and all of that. So that was where I started. I started
remembering just Amma. My Arabic was pretty weak, because we did
Arabic as a second language in Saudi. So I didn't know, like,
grammar, or, you know, anything like that. I had some vocab, so I
started memorizing Surahs with stories in them, Sura Yusuf. I
especially remember Sura Yusuf because it's one long story. So I
was like, Okay, this will probably be easier, because I can hopefully
keep the ayat straight. Because hopefully I can keep the story
straight, you know. So I would, I would read the translation, and I
would memorize a few ayats listen to it.
My day job is that I'm a software developer, so that's one nice
thing, is that you can usually have headphones on at work. So a
lot of the times I would be listening to Quran at work. And so
that helped as well, you know, to kind of listen a little bit at
work and then come home and read it from the Mushaf and so forth.
So a lot of the I didn't start memorizing from Baqarah to NAS, or
some people start from NAS and go to Baqarah. That wasn't me. I just
picked I was like this, this surah, sounds nice. I'll memorize
it. At one point, I told myself. I used to go to a lot of Islamic
lectures and stuff, you know. So I told myself. I said, you know, if
I find an ayah that I.
Like, I'm going to try and memorize the surah that it's in.
And that worked well, until I had to admit to myself that I really
like AYATUL kursi as well. So, you know, might have to take on
Baqarah at some point. So, you know, that's, that's where, that's
where I started. And then, you know, eventually I learned from
Arabic, and that really helped. It was at that point when I really
started an earnest journey to study and and memorize. And, you
know, I've never taken time off to do full time memorization. That's
just never been a luxury that I've had. And, you know, that's, that's
a blessing in and of itself. You know, you get this kind of
discipline where you don't have all the time in the world, you're
working, you're in school, so you have to be very disciplined with
your your HIV, than your memorization. So, you know, it's
been it's been interesting. I took a year off in between at one
point, and just did review because I was in school and working, and
it was just too much to do new memorization. So she Nasr, who I
was studying under at the time, he told me. He said, Well, you know,
if you're going to do new memorization, this was actually my
first year at Kalam. He says, If you're going to do new
memorization, and you're working while you're in Kalam, is going to
be very difficult, you're probably not going to memorize it very
well, your review is going to suffer. And, you know, I probably,
I have a very, what's the word? Like, an open face. You know,
people can tell how I'm feeling, yeah, yeah. So he probably could
read my face. And he was like, What's the rush? Like, why are you
unhappy about this?
And, you know, Alhamdulillah, you know, it was good advice, and I'm
glad he gave me that advice. I just spent a year reviewing, and
for that year, I just reviewed Baqarah to anfal. So it wasn't a
lot. It wasn't like half the Quran or something, right? It was, it
was not much. But, you know, those are some of the lessons that I had
to learn along the way, that there are different methods of
memorizing. That was the biggest thing for me. You know,
everybody's health story is different too. I feel like a lot
of the times, we get discouraged when we hear his stories that are
not the path that we can take, right? So I'm sure you've heard
them as well, you know, in your own journey. Thank you so much for
sharing that with us. Because I think, like probably 95% of us,
can relate to that reality, there is a beautiful Subhanallah feeling
when you can approach the Quran as an adult, realizing that you want
to come to the Quran because you want to do this. This is for or
Allah, and it's not something that, you know, you have this
story that's like, oh, yeah, I memorized, like, 10 years when I
was a child, and then I, you know, 15 later, like Subhanallah, no,
you started this as an adult intentionally while you were
working and studying. And I remember that there was
Tamia Zubair, who I saw come in. I'm not sure she's Yes, I saw her
too. Plus for everyone here, and everyone, um, she mentioned that
hearing, the hearing, the fact that it took me seven years to
memorize, was something that was helpful. And how long was your
process of memorization? Was it like a year or two. How long was
it? Mine was a good eight years. I would say, yeah, yeah, it was
eight years. And that is so important for us to hear, because
you were doing it while doing so many other things. You were doing
it as a person who chose to start in your late 20s, when you are in
adulthood and you have other responsibilities. A lot of times
people feel like, I can't start the Quran. Now, what would you
tell someone who's thinking that,
you know, I
I feel like a lot of the times that is shaytan coming to us and
trying to stop us from doing a good deed, I always remind myself
this is something that I always used to tell myself, which is that
the first half of Quran, the first person to memorize Quran started
at the age of 40, the Prophet sallallahu, alayhi wa sallam.
Right? He started his memorization at the age of 40, and he finished
at the age of 63 right? And I mean, if you're talking about
somebody with responsibilities, who can compare to the Prophet
alayhi salatu wa salam, right? And obviously we know that he is the
Prophet sallallahu, alayhi wa sallam, but at the end of the day,
it should be an inspiration for us, right? That there's no age
limit to the Quran, right? It is meant to be a guidance. At what
age do we stop meeting guidance? Right? So that's, that's what I
would say to anybody who truly wants to embark on the journey of
memorizing Quran, go for it. You know, another, another beautiful
thing that one of my teachers once told me is that, you know, if
you're on this path to memorizing, and you make the intention, and
you start, regardless of.
Where you are when you pass away. If you don't finish, then you pass
away as a hafiz or hafiba, right? So what do you have to lose,
right? What do you have to lose? You are someone who is mashallah,
working and continuing with Islamic work. You mentioned
listening to the Quran as a software developer. Do you feel
like that is something that people can actually do while they're
doing everything else, like, you know, having little kids or going
to work, and just like being at home and there's so much
responsibility, would you say that listening is at least an opening
to the doors of memorization? I would say it's certainly a good
step. It's certainly better than nothing, right for me, for
example, at work, like I said, we are allowed to listen to stuff, so
I had my headphones on all the time anyway, right? Whether it was
listening to music or listening to podcasts or whatever it was, I had
them in any way. So I figured, you know, why don't I listen to Quran?
At least, I'll get something right, and it is helpful. I
actually just had this conversation with my fifth teacher
last week, talking about listening, and she said she gave
the same
advice, which I'll share here, which is, listening is helpful,
but you do have to supplement it with the reading at the end of the
day, right? And that's what I found, too. Like at work, I would
listen to, let's say, Surah Baha, right? So I would listen to the
Surah, but then I would come home and I would read the pages, and
then, you know, so you're, you're constantly engaging. There has to
be an element of reading, but listening is certainly helpful as
well, as long as you've got that as well, right? So the other thing
that I will suggest is, you don't have to listen to an entire Surah,
right? Maybe you just listen to like, five lines that you're
memorizing, right? You just listen to it for 20 minutes, or something
like that. You know, there's different Alhamdulillah, we live
in an age of technology now. So there's all kinds of places where
you can find clips, or where you can repeat just one ayah and, you
know, and things like that. So there's a lot of avenues speaking
of listening. Can we listen to you recite?
Sure, Inshallah, what I'd like to recite today, and Surah has one of
my favorite surahs. Musa alaihi salam is one of my favorite
prophets. I love his story. And, you know, I wanted to read a
little bit about Musa as today, because one thing that Inshallah,
maybe we can touch upon when we're done reciting is really the family
support that
comes along with this hid journey. So Inshallah, let's, let's read a
little bit from Surat laha, and then we can talk about just the
the significance of having that family support in sha Allah, All
right,
aruto, Bella, him in A shaytaan.
Bismila in
diamosa
in ni Arab Bucha, lanaika in Bucha.
One tuka FASTA mere Lima you ha In Nani, ano La ILAHA,
Illa,
Sudan,
A
Walia,
WAM
Pava, Calla rumpish, rahli swadi, why as early wakada, milisani,
afka huli, wajar Lee was he run in Ali Haruna. He OSH do Debbie. He
as
so beautiful
Claudia that you practice with you reminded me of someone who when I
was listening,
um, no, I don't really. Oh, so this is like, your style, yeah,
yeah. Beautiful mashallah,
Suzanne or ustada. Susan Claria, Suzan masala. She's a hyphen of
Quran, and she's asking if they're reciting it as well. So I
am currently doing so I finished the different Kara at but I'm
currently in another group where we're going through the Quran in
each Pira. So I we haven't reached surah alha In we've only done it
in one other Pirata so far, which is shraba, and it's very close to
house.
So I think I'll be good with house for now. But Inshallah, when we
get to this one in another Pira, maybe we can do another one.
Inshallah, another meeting. I mean, SubhanAllah. Honestly, I'm
just so inspired by someone who has memorized, who has gotten
ijaza, and then is like, this isn't enough. I want
more. Like, well,
sorry, how did you get from How did I'm done with you know this,
and now I want all of them, like, where, how did that process go? I
wish there was some, like, really cool story to tell. But to be
honest,
my health teacher the institute she works at, it's basically just
the next tier after houses you go on to do Pira arts. And I was
like, Well, I have nothing else going on my life, so I must do
this. So that was that's literally it. I was interested. And so I
said, Okay, I'll do it. Inshallah, I think that's such an so many
people are like, I have nothing else going on, so I'm just gonna,
like, you know, binge the next, you know, Netflix series. And I'm
not saying that that's like comment. I'm just saying you were
like, Hey, let me continue with Quran, yeah, yeah. I mean, I have
plenty of time to binge too. So, you know,
so how you were saying family support? Why did you choose
versus? How do you connect them with family support? What does
that play in the role of memorization, right? Right? So,
you know, a lot of the times when we hear about memorization, and we
talk to folks who've memorized, we talk a lot about our teachers, who
obviously are very instrumental in our journey. But another very
instrumental part of the journey is our family, right? And in my
case, for example, nobody else in my family has memorized the Quran,
right? So starting this journey is something foreign to my family,
right? And yet they came through. You know, they were very
supportive, very every single one of my family members at some point
had to listen to me reviewing Quran and like, correct my
mistakes and stuff like that. Right
when I was feeling like, Man, I can't do this anymore, they were
there for me. You know, my my sister, my twin sister,
especially, who I'm very close to, would ask me, Hey, what juice are
you on now? You know,
have you done your review for the day, etc. You know, my mom was
always making data for me, and so you you have these. I feel like a
lot of the times when we look for role models as Muslims, we look
for like Shu and ulama and which is good, but let's not forget that
there are plenty of people out there who maybe they didn't
memorize the Quran. Maybe they don't know, you know, the
difference between this Arabic word and that Arabic word. They
haven't read any tafsir. But that doesn't mean this person cannot be
a mentor, right? And that's what I found in my family, and that's
that's why I really love surabaha as well. We see Musa as who has
been chosen as a prophet by Allah, right? Allah tells him what I
chose you, right? So he's a prophet. He's been chosen as a
prophet, but when he is given this very difficult task, and he makes
dua, he asks Allah for family support, right? He says, you know,
give me a helper from my family. And he names his brother, Harmon.
In other places in the Quran, we see him listing his brother's good
qualities, right? And he's a prophet. His brother is not yet a
Prophet, alayhi wa salatu As Salam, right? And this is some.
Thing that I feel is so important that we have to recognize the
positive qualities in our family members, especially those of us
who feel like we're a little bit more religious and who feel like
we're studying the deen sometimes one can kind of become a little
delusional and think that I am here Alhamdulillah. And you know,
I have to guide my family where, you know, we don't see them as
support and help that is so important. A lot of times when
someone, whether they're a convert and maybe the only Muslim in their
family, or maybe they're the only person who's, like, actively
pursuing Islamic knowledge, or maybe even everyone in their
family is like, you know, they all actively pray together, but maybe
they're the only person who is memorizing the Quran, for example,
right? And I hear about this all the time, like I just feel alone.
I feel like no one understands. Or how do I make Dawa to my family?
And sometimes that's like, Well, have you taken a second and asked,
What Dawa do you need to be made to from those family members? So I
love your I love that you got to this point and you're recognizing
your family, not that it. I don't need to say I love who cares what
I love, but it's amazing that like Subhanallah, this was also like
your family, even though no one has memorized the Quran and you're
the first, everyone had a role to play. And sometimes we hear
stories of people who are like Hamdulillah, memories the Quran
and Mashallah. My mother has memories the Quran and my
grandmother and
or, you know, my father was a sheik and his father was a sheik
and his father's father was a sheik, and you are the are the
first, and Inshallah, you and many people, many of us listening,
might be the first in our family, but Inshallah, the person who the
next generation will say she was the first, or he was the first,
and then shell with that. That's my hope
panel. It's so powerful panel of fiki for sharing that. That was
when you share that with me, I had the honor, the extreme honor, of
speaking with the set of facina before this conversation, and when
she shared that for me, that was such a turning point in my own
life, because I always heard, you know, I this person is the progeny
of some great Shays, and I'm like SubhanAllah. When will we decide
to become that person who other people will say, right? Mm, hmm.
Thank you so much for that. You are. Alhamdulillah. You know,
juggling so many things. How do you balance your Quran review,
your Quran continued, Quran memorization, or acts like? How do
you balance all that while still working and having other
responsibilities? What would what would you recommend to other
people? To be honest, I think the first recommendation that I'll
have is make sure you have a teacher. I'm not disciplined
enough to do this on my own, that's for sure, right? I mean,
obviously, when you're doing Quran anyway, you need a teacher, right?
That's the way our our Sunnat is right? Prophesy, some had a
teacher. The companions had a teacher, you know. So already we
know that we need a teacher, but a teacher is going to guide you and
keep you on track. You know, like my teacher, for example, may Allah
reward her. And you know, bless her and her family and her kids,
she's someone who doesn't take excuses. You know, like, I would
call and be like, Oh, I'm so sorry. I have to work late. And
you know, let's say I have to read with her at 530 I'm sorry I have
to work late. She's like, that's okay. You could call me before you
go to work. Then I'm like, Oh,
I didn't perceive that. Yes, yes, that what? That didn't occur, that
that would happen, you know? So that's the first thing I would
say, is getting a teacher. Um, obviously you have to hold
yourself accountable as well, right? I mean, the teacher's not
there to do all the heavy lifting, you know. And so one thing that I
did is I really had to prioritize, you know, like we were talking
about Netflix binging and stuff like that. There are some things
that I just gave up for a while. I gave up watching TV completely for
a number of years. I, you know, I had to give up, you know how, back
before covid, when we would have parties, you know, you'd like go
to a party for three hours. There was a life before covid,
yes, yes. So, you know things like that, where, um, I remember at one
point I had a policy, um, that I would not spend more than two
hours on anybody's wedding. And that was my policy. I was like, if
you're getting married and you're having three parties, you get two
hours from me. So whatever it is that said, and I kept that policy
for a good number of years as well, because I was like, this is
a complete waste of my time, and I'm sacrificing my hoof for this
party, you know? So I had that, I had that, that rule as well,
right? So I had to to have different things that worked for
me. And different people will have things that work for them,
depending on their their responsibilities. You know, a
sister that I know I had met once, she made a very interesting point.
She said, instead of saying, I don't have time, try say, Try
saying, I don't.
To make time, because at the end of the day, most of us can make
time for the things that we think is important, right? Um, so that
that really was, I had to be honest with myself and say, Okay,
do I really not have time, or am I just not willing to make time
so powerful? I mean, I always took my memorization. There were so
many, you know, weddings and invitations that were, were so
kind. And of course, it's, you know, worship to to make the
intention. It's worship to be a part of that. But I have a time
limit where you're like, you know, two hours. And that is, that is
my, my, you know, congratulations, and my honoring and being honored,
but with this invite, but I also have to continue with the Quran. I
remember I wrote a poem of like, all the times you're lonely when
you're memorizing the Quran,
like sitting in the car and watching everyone eat in the
restaurant because your Quran teacher calls you at that time,
and you right now and like everyone else is waiting, and you
just you can't be a part of it, because you have to do your
memory. Yep, yep, a lonely process sometimes, but then you have the
Quran is your companion, and so it's very true,
yep, yep. And, you know, that's another thing we were talking
about family. That's another thing too. I can't tell you the number
of times where I've been in the car with my family and I'm like,
Okay, everybody has to be quiet. I have to call my teacher now. And
everybody's like, okay, fine, we're going to be quiet
things like that, or, I'm sorry, I'm going to be late. Or, you
know, like my older sister, she has two, two kids, so we'd go,
we'd visit with our nephews, and, you know, she'd be like, Hey,
we're going to take them to the movies. I'm like, I'm sorry. I
have to, you know, review for my Quran, so I can't go with you
guys, but we'll, we'll do dinner together or something. I mean,
your family is going to sacrifice a little bit of time with you as
well, you know. And it's, it's, it's a big sacrifice for them, you
know, I remember
invited to, like a, like a bunch of sisters were getting together
to practice their Arabic. It was like something knowledgeable for
in Egypt, and they were getting together to have, like, an Arabic
party. Remember that I had, like, this big amount that I had to
memorize for my Quran teacher the next day, and I told them that I
can't go. And they were like, come on. Like, you never go to anything
you're
but I remember that moment, that moment when that surah was so
precious, and this panel that's like, you know, people give up
their time with you. You give up their time. You give up your time
with people, but you look back on that time, you know, 10 years
later, and you don't remember necessarily all the details, but
you what Sura that was, what page that was, what I am that impacted
you. Subhanallah, yes, how did you find your journey with particular
suras or particular verses changing as you work through the
memorization. Like, are there specific ones now that comes to
you and you're like, I memorized this during this part of my life
when I was going through these trials. I memorized this during
this part of my life when I was going through these challenges.
How does that? How did that change for you while you were memorizing?
Yeah, most definitely. Um, you know, there, there are different
parts of the Quran where, just like you're saying, I mean, I'll
tell I'll give you an example. For example, I remember when I
memorized Sura Noor, right?
So, Sura Noor is about a page and a half, right? And this is before
I had started my proper, proper memorization. I had gone to a
conference in Chicago, and I was driving home. I lived two hours
from Chicago, and it was a Sunday night. It was very late. It was
like, I don't know, probably past midnight to work. I have to work
the next morning.
Yeah, Muslim conferences, man, they never start on time. They
never end on time. No, true. So I'm like, you know, I'm like,
Okay, I'm driving. It's a two hour drive. I'm like, Okay, let me just
get home and get to bed. And of course, if you're driving and it's
that late, you have to do something to keep awake. So I was
like, Well, let me listen to whatever the loudest music I have
is, because that'll keep me awake. And as I'm driving along, and I'm
like, you know, this is a two hour drive, maybe if I listen to
something different, then I can, you know, actually benefit. So I
put on Sura Noah because I thought it was a story I'd never actually
like properly read the surah before, but I was pretty sure it
must be a story, because it says Noor. And it was like, seven or
eight minutes or whatever it was on my iPod. So I was like, Oh,
wait, I'll play this. So I just listened to the surah for probably
a good hour. And I'll never forget that drive, you know, just being
able to listen. I didn't understand much Arabic at the time
either, but I could understand enough to kind of get the gist of
what the surah was saying, you know. And I just remember
thinking, this is such a beautiful Surah mashallah, you know, like
the words nuharisan was using the duaz he's making. So obviously, I
got home, I went straight to bed, I went to work, and then I came
home, looked up the translation, you know, read it properly from
the must have, so I could memorize it. And you know, I've had a lot
of experiences like that, where.
You know, I might just hear an ayah. I mentioned earlier that I
decided, anytime I hear, I hear an ayah that I like, I'm going to try
and memorize, right? Surah Ibrahim, I remember memorizing
because Imam Sahib Webb gave a lecture, and he talked about
the kalimata playiba and shajarat in plahiba in Surah, Ibrahim,
right? Those ayat, he kind of talked about those ayat. I was
like, these are beautiful. I wonder where they are in the
Quran. So I went, I looked, and I was like, Okay, I counted the
pages first, because I was like, I don't want to end up in another
Batara situation. Just
so I counted the pages. I was, I look short enough, and there's a
story, like, it's about, you know, there's Ibrahim alaislam. I see a
story here, so I was like, I could probably do this one. So, so that
was Ibrahim alaislam. That was the Surah Ibrahim. So, you know,
things like that, what share one with me? I'd like to hear any that
you have. I'm so curious.
Okay, I like you, there's just so many Um,
well, I listened to social um, when I went on this thing called
the ride, because you mentioned Imam Suhaib, and he was the um, he
was the Imam of our local Masjid here when I was younger. And so
there was this ride, which was like
they had, they catered a bus, and it was for youth. And all these
youth came, and we went, we we basically took, like, a a tour
through the mountains, and he was there, and he was, like, giving
lectures for the youth. So I remember, as we were on this
mountain, I was listening to Soto Lena Ayam, and it was the first
time I had listened to that surah. And I just sat listening to it,
and like, looking at the mountains, and just, I didn't
really understand Arabic, but I knew, like, at that time, I was
reading the translation at that time a lot, so I could, like, pick
out certain words. And I knew there was like, Okay, there's
moat, there's like, death, there's Angel after and I remember at that
time I loved listening to afasi. He was my favorite recite,
like, listening to that surah and just feeling like my heart was
going up and down and looking at this cliff and looking at the at
the at the clouds and Panama, every time after that that surah
was like the one surah I wanted to listen to. Like walking around
campus. I remember I got really sick one semester, and I just lay
in bed, and all I would do was listening to that surah. Listen to
that sort of over and over. So by the time I was actually memorizing
it, when I went to Egypt and was doing more memorization, it was so
easy to memorize because it was like, I have so many memories
attached to it. You know, I had listened to it in so many
different places that it just embodied, like a search for my own
self and my own identity. I was really struggling with women's
issues at that time,
that surah was, like, your identity is in, you know, this
Quran. It's in the angels and the hereafter. It's with Allah, like
it was so like that the end of that ayahuasi, Allahu Akbar,
it's just, oh, SubhanAllah. So yes, it's sometimes, it's you have
those experiences and those that journey with Sura, Nua is what
reminded me of that Surah, like, that's when you said, that drive,
that's what made me think of social and I am and as Pamela,
sometimes it's just that drive late at night when you never
expected it, that you have that connection with the Quran, and
then you're like, I have to live this. How do I not live with got
this in my heart? Beautiful. Thank you. Do you have another one find
that you can share with us? Man, I don't know. One of my favorites is
Suratul Isra, because my sister, my sister, actually memorized the
surah before I did. She's memorizing now, and she's been
same thing. You know, she's been memorizing on and off for God
knows how long, but she had memorized the surah before I did.
So she would read it anytime she got the chance when we were
praying together. So when I came to the surah in my HIV, it was
just it was so beautiful to have that connection, because before
it's a long Surah, right? So like, if we were driving together and we
had to listen to Quran, we would have to pick something that both
of us knew, right? I knew some parts. She knew some parts, and
Isra wasn't one of them. So I was like, No, we can't listen to this.
I don't know it. We have to pick, you know, we'd like pick for Khan
or, you know, something that both of us had memorized. I also
memorized completely out of order. The last Sura I memorized was
Surah Al fat. So, I love Surah Al fat.
Yeah, so, so Isra is is one of my favorite Surahs because it's one
of my sister's favorites. Like, anytime there's certain ayat when
I read them, I just hear her voice, Allahu Akbar that is so
beautiful to hear the voice of someone you love consistently
going with that recitation.
We've been talking a lot about memorization. How would you say
your memorization actually impacted your actions and not just
doesn't have to? Doesn't have to be personal, like you know, a lot
of people say, Why are you focusing focusing so much on the
memorization of the Quran? But I think for a lot of us, especially
when you're intentional about memorizing as an adult, if it's to
change your life, it's to change your actions. So what would you
say? You know, especially someone who.
Didn't understand when you first started memorizing. You were going
to the translation like I was reading the translation, trying to
understand. How did the memorization impact your life in a
different way? The first thing I will say right off the bat is I
certainly found that I had to become more disciplined. And we
kind of talked about that already, right? It's a lot easier, you
know, kind of working, and then you come home in the evening. I'm
single. I don't have any kids. I just have a cat. So it's very easy
to just cut a but your cat takes response.
I mean, she just sleeps in your lap if you let her, so she's not
that much work. But you know, sometimes it can be very easy to
let anything else come in the place of reading the Quran, right?
The Shaitan makes everything seem important. I have this joke that I
always tell my sisters that anytime I sit to read Quran, my
phone rings somebody sending me message like that's the only time
someone thinks of me.
Why? You know, people I haven't heard from a years will be texting
me, right? So Quran is going to all corners of Earth and
everywhere
I wish, I wish.
But you know, so that was the first thing is just having to be
disciplined. You know, having to set a time and say, This is my
Quran time, and it's just as important as my work time. For
example, if I have to be at work at eight, almost nothing will stop
me from being at work at eight, right? So I had to have the same
attitude towards my Quran. So I that's the very first thing. The
second is my salah got better. Because instead of reading the
same two Surahs in every salah, every single time, I started to
read different surahs, right? So my my my salah, got better. My dua
got better. There's so many duals in the Quran, so many
and, you know, just reading them, reading the translation,
understanding what they're saying, you start to at least, you know,
again, people make dua from their heart. Allah hears it, right, yes.
But the duras in the Quran are so powerful. I mean, these are the
words of the prophets. These are the words of the righteous. These
are dua that Allah has answered, right? So that was another thing,
like I was talking about Surah, and we were talking about, kind of
this journey of HIV, kind of being lonely. And in a sense, I think
for me, I would say it was lonely because I was the only one in my
family memorizing, right? So nobody really understood what this
feels like. They were supportive, they were encouraging, but at the
end of the day, I didn't have anyone in my family. Like you're
saying. People are like, Oh yeah, my father memorized. My mother
memorized my you know, second cousin twice removed memorized.
You know, you have someone to sit around the dinner table with and
talk about your HIV journey, right? Um, so I would always make
this, you know what? Ali, waziramin, ali
constantly, and then the next day, I know my sister's like, No, I
want to try this thing too. I was like, ah, Akbar, that worked out.
So, Allahu, Akbar, I've never heard someone use that in that
way, subhanAllah,
Quran, the secrets of the Quran. Subhanallah, yeah, subhanAllah, I
saw Doctor Sadia Mian here. I don't know if she's still here.
May Allah, bless her and everyone joining. She wrote a book called
The crowning venture, which is talking about different women who
have memorized the Quran. She's a happy the Masha Allah, but like,
one of the themes, you know, that I read from all these different
women was like, yes, like, it's the focus, it's the dedication,
it's the the way it changes what you prioritize in your life and
your character and the way that you are with people. Did you find
that making you more patient or more, you know, caring more about
other, being more invested in other people? Or what would you
say? What would you say? Sorry, I shouldn't be. No, that's okay,
like, for people who are memorizing, and then they become
more harsh, and they become like, more difficult, and they're like,
well, the post lessons like commentary, it's like,
I can
be, I can be messed up to anyone I can be messed up to anyone I want,
because they don't understand. We're all strangers. I'm like,
Allah glad strangers like
what to say things like that. You know, to be honest,
I wouldn't say that I became more patient at all
because I feel like more, what happened is that as I was
prioritizing the Quran more and more, you know,
I started to pull away from my family a little bit too, right?
So, like, I was like, No, is the most important thing I have to get
this done. I'm canceling all these things, like I told you, you know,
I'm like, I'm not spending more than two hours on this person's
wedding, I'm canceling going to parties and stuff like that. And
so, you know, again, with the family support, like they had to
pull me back to reality and be like, Look, it's not that serious.
You know, you can go slower at one point. And I wasn't ready for
this. I don't know why. Actually, I do.
Why? Because I heard somebody else's hip journey and decided it
should be my journey. I decided that I needed to review 30 minutes
of Quran every day. Now, 30 minutes of Quran is probably a
little bit more than a juz and I wasn't at the point where I could
read an entire Jos fluently and practicing preparing, because I
had a teacher at the time who I would read with. Preparing to read
30 pages of Quran from memory is an extremely difficult thing,
right,
exactly. And, you know, I so there would be days when I'm sitting for
two three hours, and I I had it in my head that it had to be perfect
too, like you can't make any mistakes, because, again, I heard
somebody else's Quran journey and the way their teachers treated
them when they were six years old in madrasa somewhere, right,
right, memorizing full time. And I thought that had to be my
standard. So I remember very clearly this one time my sister
and I had made some plans to go with some friends to the movies.
And I was like, okay, that's fine, but I have to do my Quran. And I
was preparing. I'd been sitting for hours. I couldn't get through
this jaws. And I remember telling my sister. I was like, well, we're
just gonna have to cancel. I can't go, you know, I have to, I have to
read, you know, with my teacher tomorrow, and I'm not ready, and
I'm stressed out. And she was just like, you can't keep canceling
stuff with people at the last minute. You're supposed to be
honest with people. You told them you would come. And I was like,
Oh,
so you know
things like that, you know where again, your family has to ground
you Right? Like I told you, my teacher said, what was, what's
your rush? And I was like, I don't know. I just feel like everybody
else says, you know, I memorized at the age of seven, and I here I
am. I'm past 30 now, and I haven't finished memorizing. You know, I'm
on like your six. I'm failing, you know? Oh, so unfortunate that the
community conversation on memorizing the Quran has caused
all of us to feel like, by the time I'm 21 I'm done like no
possible the
Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him. Like, look at when he started
solo. Are they with Salam? That is so beautiful. Um, Paola, you
talked so you talk so much. And I don't know if you're aware of how
intentionally you're you're saying this, but you're talking so much
about living a balanced lifestyle, like people have rights over you,
work has rights over you. You just hanging out and watching something
has rights over you. How? Oh, how would you recommend to someone
who's starting their their journey and they're feeling like they have
to stop everything in old Quran at all times, and they feel this
comparison, you know, I heard someone else's journey. I knew
that needed to be my journey, when really someone else's journey is
their journey. For so many when someone through that, I did that
so many times, I was like this person, yet I need to do it that
way.
Well, not just to my process, but to my mental health, the way that
I saw about my own self and my relationship with Allah, because I
started viewing my relationship with Allah based in someone else's
lens, trying to apply that lens into my life when we are people in
two different paths. What advice would you give to someone who's
doing that, who's taking other people's, you know, lifestyles,
and saying, This is the one that's supposed to be mine, when, when
maybe it's actually would be really detrimental to you, right?
Right? I'm so glad you mentioned mental health, because, you know,
memorizing the Quran is a beautiful journey, but it isn't a
walk in the park. It can be difficult. There will be tears,
right? So the thing that I always say that the advice my teachers
gave me is listen to the people who are closest to you. If they
tell you you're going too far, you're stressing out, listen to
them, right? Take their advice. Quran memorizing. Quran is not a
race, right? It doesn't matter whether you finish in three years
or in 30 years you finished, right? So listen to the people who
are closest to you. You know my sister, my twin sister I keep
talking about, I literally run every single like, any speaking
invite, or anything like that that I have, or any class that I'm
planning to take, I will ask her. At this point, I will ask her, I
like to say it's permission, but she goes. She's like, really?
Like, you're asking me permission. But I'll ask her, like, Hey,
there's this class. It's every Thursday for two hours. What do
you think? And she'll look at me, she'll be like, you don't have
time, and I won't take it. Or these people ask me to speak at
this conference, it's at seven o'clock, and she's like, No, it's
going to be stressful for you to get there. I think you should say
no. I'm like, Okay, I'll say, No, mentor. She's your mentor in so
many Yeah, yeah. Sometimes I'll argue back. I'll be like, No, I
won't be stressed out. I really want to do it. And then she'll
eventually be like, okay, but I don't want to hear about it, so
then I don't complain.
You're like, remind me next time. But I'm not going to say that,
because you're
going to know, yep, um, we only have about 10 minutes left. Is
there anything that you would want to share that you.
Haven't shared yet in terms of whether it's advice, or if someone
is struggling, or if someone sees someone that they love, and
they're going more and more into Islam but they're changing in ways
that are not recognizable, and they're they're struggling. Seeing
this
advice for people who are in those situations, honestly, honestly,
the best advice is listen to the people who love you, right? They
they love you. They want what's best for you, and they know you,
right. Sometimes even a teacher doesn't know you well enough to
give you the advice you really need to hear, right? You know a
teacher might tell you, well, here, prepare these next two
pages, and you know your family member who sits with you. You
know, who watched you crying over the previous two pages is going to
be the one to tell you, listen. Why don't you go back to your
teacher and say, you know, let me, let's just reduce it a little bit,
you know. So listen to the people who love you, right? Be kind to
yourself, be patient with yourself, set realistic goals,
right? And then finally, one thing that I don't think a lot of people
say, but I think it's very important to say, is, if you need
to take a break, it is okay, you know, just have a plan to come
back. You know, don't leave it open ended. But if you need to
take a mental health break, you know, go ahead and do it. It's
fine. You're not abandoning the Quran or, you know, anything like
that. Just say, Okay, I can't do this. I need a couple weeks off
and I'll come back. You know, there were so many times that I
needed to stop because I was in the middle of something. And my
Quran teacher would say, you know, just recite. Just not the
memorization. Just recite and make
that Allah helps you in your task, because of the Quran beautiful. It
was in never this, like you have to do this if you don't, but it's
like, no, how are you going to bring the Quran no matter how
stressed out you are, in a way that's going to be applicable to
your life? Right? Exactly. Allah, there's a sister, may Allah, bless
you, sister who's saying, as a convert, she sees, you know,
people tell her that, you know, she's changed a lot. Sometimes
people who love us tell us you're changing and they're changing, and
we don't even know who you are anymore. There are benefits to
that. But other times, there are other times we're not recognizing
the changes that we're making are not helpful, right? What would you
what would you advise to someone in that situation? Because Quran
does that sometimes, sometimes you have this tunnel vision, like
you're talking about your people who are around you, who know that
they're not seeing you as all of you, they're seeing you in tunnel
vision, like, have to someone not not just listen to those who are
around you who care about you, because maybe they don't have
that. What if you don't have that? Know you're changing, and people
are saying this, but you don't know what you're supposed to do.
Yeah. I mean, you definitely need to find someone you trust, if it's
not maybe a family member, it could be a teacher right at the
end of the day, you need that second opinion, right? You need
someone on the outside looking in, because it's very easy for us to
misread ourselves, right? Like we said you're pushing yourself, or
like you were talking about people who become like, you know, super,
super crazy Muslim, and they're like, No, I have to, you know,
shut out the world and, you know, climb a mountain and just sit here
for three months. And, you know, we get some interesting ideas, and
that can push us the wrong way as well, right? So find somebody who
we trust. It could be your Quran teacher. It could be a good friend
at the masjid. You know, if it's if it's not, you know, obviously
we all have different relationships with our family
members, right? So I totally understand that not everybody gets
there's that support, has that support network within the family.
But Inshallah, with Allah's permission, you're able to find
people who can be that support network, right? I'll end by by
sharing one thing, which is that as I'm talking about family
relationships and the support of the family, when I finished my
HIV, I was all alone. My sister had gone to Saudi Arabia, where my
dad was. My mom was overseas in Ghana, and my older sister, she
lives on the East Coast, and it was early in the morning for her.
So I was alone. I finished my HIV. I called every single one of them.
Nobody picked up their phone. I'm still mad. And so, you know, that
was that, was that. So I sent a text message. I was like, I
finished him on our WhatsApp, you know, family group, yeah. And the
first person to like, hug me the day I finished was one of my palam
classmates, Zainab, who we sat beside each other. She's half of
us. So she would continuously ask me, which is, are you on now? How
is it going? Very encouraging, you know, I would go to her and be
like, Oh my gosh, I'm having trouble with this. Aya. Or, you
know, I found her, her story very inspiring. She finished when she
was a child.
So, you know, when I went to class that day, she was like, what juice
are you on now? Or no, she knew what juice I was on, but she
wanted to know how many pages I'd done this morning. And I was like,
I did. I.
I remember, let's say four pages. I was like, You did four pages.
She goes, Okay, well, yesterday you had and she was you had four
pages left yesterday.
And so then she starts screaming. She tells the entire campus,
right? So, I mean, there was support from there as well, right?
But I really, truly believe it's important to find somebody who
loves you, who, who you can trust. They don't necessarily even have
to be Muslim. Honestly, they just have to value what you're doing. I
used to have non Muslim co workers who would remind me when it was
Salah time, right? Like, oh, you have to go pray in the middle of a
meeting. Like, okay, I'm good. Thank you, right? So find that
person you know, confide in your teacher and you know if you and
your teacher aren't clicking, then see if you can find another
teacher that's that's happened sometimes where people, different
people, different personalities, different programs you know, so
find but find somebody who you're comfortable with. May Allah, make
it easy. Thank you so much for bringing in so many different
aspects. You talked about choosing people sometimes your family might
not be the people who support you in that, but even if it's someone
who isn't Muslim, but values what you're doing, they can be a part
for you. What? What do you recommend? Like? Are there
specific I know you went to column, but other institutes? Can
you tell us of anywhere that you personally recommend you teach
with an institute right now that people can can study with you. So
I'm not currently teaching. I'm just taking a break and doing my
own studying at the moment. Hamdullah, so in terms of HIV, I
finished my HIV with my ustada from critical loyalty Institute.
That's also where I did my sokra and Kubra ijazat from so, you
know, there, that's a good Institute. I really like the
professors there, Sheik man Khan. It's based in Canada. But
honestly, I think it's also very good. There's a lot of sisters who
you may not know in your community who are actually quite qualified
to teach. You know, my first HIV teacher that I had here was a
sister who also memorized the Quran. I think she started also in
her late 30s, you know, and got her ijazah and stuff like that.
And I go over to her apartment and sit at her dining table, you know,
when I just met her through the community, right? So you'll find
sisters like this as well. I think that if you have someone like that
in the in your community, that's a great place to start. You know,
the rest of my memorization was done, like over the phone and
stuff like that, which was which was nice, but I feel like just
having that personal connection. I worked with my teacher. She was in
Canada. I worked with her for probably a year and a half before
we ever met face to face, right? And,
you know it was, it was certainly an honor and very exciting, but
it's good if you have someone in your community you can work with.
So I'll start by saying, find someone in your community if
possible, right? And then if you can't find someone in your
community, Inshallah, look online. There's a lot of good institutes
online, but find a program that works for you, right? There are
some full time programs. Some are part time programs. Some of them
have certain hours of the day. They require you to be there make
sure it works for you. You know, it's okay to kind of be picky in
that aspect, especially for folks who are working full time, or, you
know, they have school full time, or they have full time
responsibilities, whatever it might be you don't want to feel
stressed out by a program that you forced into your schedule. Yes,
thank you so much. I so appreciate how nuanced you've been throughout
this discussion. You have touched on so many different aspects, and
one of them is sometimes the Quran teacher is not the right fit for
you, sometimes a particular right fit. And I know I went through
that, and I don't know if you actually did you go through this
at all where you had to change teachers because it was, it wasn't
that their teaching style was wrong. It was just that maybe the
things they were sharing beyond Quran just wasn't, wasn't helpful.
Yeah, I mean, I had different teachers throughout the process
and for different reasons, right? For example, I had one teacher who
moved and then, you know, we just kind of have a good time to meet
anymore another teacher, the one I was just telling you about, who I
would go over and read with her. I actually had to stop doing my hip
for a little bit, right? So then we kind of lost contact. So
there's many different reasons I you know, and I think it's okay,
like you're saying, if you don't feel like you're clicking with a
teacher, it's okay. Thank you. It's so important to say that. I
wish I had heard people say that in the beginning of my journey
when you know Subhanallah, some teachers are just a lot created
them for you. Like, are you
Yes, yes and other teams, it can be a challenge to your faith, like
your teacher can sometimes be the person that causes you to fear
your faith, right? If you have that you know, like you said,
that's not the right click. Find someone else. And I know people
who that they wish they could continue.
No reason in the Quran, but their initial experiences were so
painful that they just are traumatized because of their
teachers. So it's real, like teacher trauma is real, yes, else
and it is okay to work with other people. You mentioned critical
loyalty, and you mentioned Kalam, also Jannah Institute on ravalta,
SubhanAllah. There are so many different Alhamdulillah
opportunities that we have right now, Allah. Is there anything else
you'd like to add? Or we say goodbye?
You know what? Maybe I just want to thank you for having me on
Alhamdulillah. It's been amazing, Alhamdulillah, and I pray that
Allah allows us all to be people of the Quran. The last thing that
I would like to say before we end this, we've been talking a lot
about memorization, and I do really hope that we've inspired
people to do their HIV journey. But HIV isn't necessarily for
everyone, either. It is a choice, right? So if you choose to go
ahead and memorize the Quran, that's wonderful. If you decide
this is not a path that I want to go on, that's fine too, right? The
Quran is meant to be a guidance and, you know, there's many
different ways to approach the guidance. So may Allah Santa allow
us all to benefit from the Quran and, most importantly, to be
guided. I mean, I mean Baraka lofiti, I'm so appreciative of how
you've touched on so many different issues which are often
not discussed when talking about memorization. Just that concept of
you can approach the Quran at whatever place you are, however
you are, but just approaching it. And that's how my journey started.
It was just by reading the translation. And reading made me
want to read the Arabic and understand it, and then through
there, it was just, it was it was a process. And the same for you,
it was a journey, not to one place, and you don't even realize
that one day you're going to get somewhere else, but right
starting. And whatever that looks like, be consistent in that way,
whether or listening to the tafsir or just listening to the Arabic,
listening to the Arabic and the English, just start and be
consistent with that. I mean, so much. Is that cool? Shayden, how
can people connect with you? If they have questions or would like
to ask any anything from you? Is there a way that people can't
connect with you. Can we read your Instagram out loud? You can, but I
do not use Instagram, okay?
But
sorry, I said, don't connect with her on Instagram. Yeah, I probably
won't respond. Probably the best way is email. So let me I'm gonna
type my email in here, which means my phone's gonna shake. So I
apologize we're patiently and saying,
Subhanallah, Subhanallah, Subhanallah, Subhanallah,
Subhanallah, Subhanallah, Subhanallah, Subhanallah,
Subhanallah, Subhanallah, Subhanallah, Subhanallah,
Subhanallah, Subhanallah, the longest email ever, mashallah, I'm
getting that's because I have the longest name ever, uh,
F, U, S, e, i n, a, dot m, O, H, A M, a [email protected],
just getting so much that was so so you know, such a blessing and
such An honor to hear you. I feel so inspired and ready to start my
journey in a totally different way, Inshallah, and I know that
from reading the comments, so many people were appreciative of your
time and have learned so much. May Allah bless you and make you
everyone you love of aha Quran, I mean, it was such an honor and a
pleasure and a blessing to have you today. This was fun. We should
do it again inshallah. Was fun. We should do
it again. Inshallah. Thank you so much. Take care. Bye.